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Quotes for
Sheila Broflovski (Character)
from "South Park" (1997)

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South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
Sheila Broflovski: What the heck is a rimjob?
Mrs. Cartman: Why, that's where you put your legs behind your head and let someone lick your ass.

Chef: [singing] Everything worked out what a happy end. Americans and Canadians are friends again. So let's all join hands and knock oppression down.
Cartman, Kyle, Stan: Don't you know our little lives are now complete?
Mrs. Cartman, Sheila Broflovski: 'Cause Terrance and phillip are sweet.
Sheila Broflovski: Super sweet.
everyone: Thank God we live in this quiet, little pissant, redneck, podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mudhole, peckerwood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, white trash...
Cartman, Kyle, Stan: Kick-ass!
everyone: Mountain... town!

Sheila Broflovski: Remember what the MPAA says; Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty woids! That's what this war is all about!

Sheila Broslofski: Gentlemen, do you have any last words?
Phillip: Last words? How's aboot: "Get me the fuck out of this chair!" How's that for last words?

[Shelia Brovlovski is speaking on national television about war against Canada]
Sheila Broflovski: ...if it's war they want, it's war they'll have!
Cartman: This is fucking weak...

Sheila Broflovski: [singing] When Canada is dead and gone, there'll be no more Celine Dion!

Sheila Broslofski: [singing] Blame Canada! Blame Canada! It seems that everything's gone wrong since Canada came along. Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
Man in Chorus: [singing] They're not even a real country anyway.

Satan: You have spilt the blood of the innocence, now begins 2,000,000 years of darkness!
Chef: [sarcastically] Oh, good job, Mrs. Broslofski! Thanks a lot!
Sheila Broslofski: [innocently] I was just trying to make the world a better place for children!
Saddam Hussein: Yeah, and brought enough intolerence in the world to allow my coming. Now everyone bow down to me!
[the Canadians and Americans do so]
Saddam Hussein: [laughs] Yeah!

Sheila Broflovski: [In Chorus with Everyone] We've got to blame Canada, we've got to make a fuss! Before someone thinks of blaming us!

Sheila Broflovski: Kyle you are grounded for two weeks.
Sharon Marsh: You too Stan.
Mrs. Cartman: And you're grounded for three weeks Eric.
Cartman: Hey! Why am I grounded more that's fuckin' bullshit!
Mrs. Cartman: What, what, what? What was that word young man?

Kyle: Ok. Let's try this one more time. Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!
Ike Broflovski: Don't kick the baby.
Kyle: Kick the baby!
[Kicks Ike through a window, causing it to shatter]
Sheila Broflovski: Ike! You broke ANOTHER window! That's a bad baby! Baaaaaad baby!
Stan Marsh: Kyle, we're going to see the Terrance and Phillip movie!
Kyle: Oh my god, dude!
Sheila Broflovski: Kyle! Where are you going?
Kyle: Uuh, we're going ice-skating.
Sheila Broflovski: Well take your little brother with you.
[Ike bounces up to Kyle]
Kyle: Aww, come on, ma! He's not even my real brother. He's adopted!
Sheila Broflovski: DO AS I SAY, KYLE!
Kyle: Ok, ok, I'm sorry!

Sheila Broflovski: Nooo!
[shoots Terrence and Phillip with a gun]
Kyle: Holy shit, dude!
Sheila Broflovski: Young man, you watch your mouth.
[blood oozes out of Phillip's body]


"South Park: It's a Jersey Thing (#14.9)" (2010)
Sheila Broflovski: All you trashy whores get the fuck out of here and leave her alone!
Women from Jersey: Psycho bitch!
Sheila Broflovski: No, you're a psycho bitch! Psycho bitch! PSYCHO BITCH! You want to see fucking crazy? You better just step the fuck away if you want to see fucking crazy!
Women from Jersey: You're cabbage.
Sharon Marsh: ...Sheila?

Sheila Broflovski: That's when I knew I had to tell everyone the truth that originally... I'm from Jersey. Yes, born and raised. I wasn't even called Sheila back then. In Jersey I was known as S-Woww Titty Bang. I drank heavily and punched a lot of bitches in the face. Living in South Park, I'm able to control the Jersey side of me, which doesn't really come out unless I get around other people from Jersey.
[while her back is turned]
Sheila Broflovski: I'm just really hoping that people don't judge me for it or... or somehow, you know, hold it against me.
Sharon Marsh: Sheila, who are you talking to?
Sheila Broflovski: You wouldn't understand. It's a Jersey thing.


"South Park: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (#1.9)" (1997)
Sheila Broflovski: [objecting to a Christmas symbol] It's offensive to the Jewish community!
Mr. Garrison: You are the Jewish community!

Mayor McDaniels: Okay, just what the heck is going on here, people?
Citizen: Mayor, we are deeply offended by the nativity scene in front of the state office. Church and state are separate!
Crowd: Yeah!
Sheila Broflovski: That isn't all, Mayor. The school play is doing a nativity scene. It isn't being sensitive to the Jewish community.
Mr. Garrison: You ARE the Jewish community!
Cartman: Oh boy. Super bitch is at it again!
Kyle: Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
Father Maxey: Mayor, the nativity is what Christmas is about. If you remove Christ, you must remove Santa and Frosty and all that garbage too!
Crowd: Hallelujah! Amen!
Tree Lover: And we must put a stop to the cutting down of Christmas trees!
Crowd: Yeah!
Jimbo Kern: And I am sick and tired of those little flaps on coffee lids. If you don't want to spill your coffee, then you shouldn't be driving with it!
[pause]
Crowd: Yeah!


"South Park: Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy (#10.10)" (2006)
Sheila Broflovski: Help! Please, I need your help! That teacher, Miss Stevenson, she's left town with my son. I've got a note saying they're going to Milan.
Policeman #1: You're kidding?
Sheila Broflovski: No, it's true.
Policeman #1: Damn it! Where were all these sexed up teachers when I was a kid?
Sheila Broflovski: This is serious!
Officer Foley: [sarcastic] Yeah, a boy is going to Milan with a beautiful, older woman. Quick, call the FBI!
[all policemen laugh]
Sheila Broflovski: ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOTHING?
Policeman #1: All right, all right, we'll make a report. Jesus!

Kyle: Mom, I think maybe you should talk to Ike about love and sex.
Sheila Broflovski: Sex? Oh, booby, Ike is much too young.


"South Park: The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers (#6.13)" (2002)
Randy Marsh: Alright, now listen kids. There's some things that we need to put into context for you. You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina for both love and pleasure. But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man facing the other way so that they can put each other's genitals in their mouths. This is called 69ing, and it's normal.
Sharon Marsh: You see boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina and it feels good to have a man's penis inside of it.
Sheila Broflovski: That's right. But sometimes a woman chooses to use other things. Telephones, staplers, magazines. It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive, it's like a fun tickle.
Gerald Broflovski: Now, on the double penetration boys, you see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man, each man makes love to a different orifice.
Randy Marsh: That's right. It's something adults can do with really good friends in a comfortable setting.
Sheila Broflovski: It's also important that you understand why some people choose to urinate on each other.
Randy Marsh: Going number one or number two on your lover is something people might do, but you must make sure your partner is okay with it before you start doing it.
Gerald Broflovski: Okay boys, do you have any questions?
Stan Marsh: [astonished] Wow.

Gerald Broflovski: [Talking about the porno] Okay, okay. How bad was it?
Randy Marsh: It was... Backdoor Sluts 9.
Men: BACKDOOR SLUTS 9?
Stephen Stotch: Backdoor Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers 3 look like Naughty Nurses 2!
Gerald Broflovski: It is the single most vile, most twisted piece of porn ever made.
Sheila Broflovski: [furiously] HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?
Gerald Broflovski: I, uh, I read about it in People.


"South Park: Good Times with Weapons (#8.1)" (2004)
[the townsfolk consult with Mayor McDaniels about the incident at the auction]
Man #1: Well, like the rest of you, I am shocked and appalled at what happened! I don't know if the parents are to blame or if it's the times we're living in, but something has to change!
Townsfolk: [amid chatter] Yeah! I agree!
Gerald Brofloski: This is the worst thing that's happened in this town! The worst thing!
Man #2: Yeah! I mean, there were children watching that auction! And when that little eight-year-old-boy walked up and flashed his... penis... it was an outrage!
[the adults go into an uproar again]
Stan: What?
Cartman: What?
Skeeter: Not only that, the auction was televised on public access, so my little daughter watchin' at home saw the... penis! How am I supposed to explain that to her?
Sheila Broflovski: This is what happens when the moral fabric of society breaks down!
[the adults go into an uproar again]
Mr. Garrison: [shouts] You see the damage you've caused, Eric Cartman? What were you thinking?
Cartman: I told you it was a wardrobe malfunction!
[the adults go into an uproar again]
Kyle: Dude, they don't care we knocked Butters' eye out with weapons?
Stan: Just run with it, dude.
Kyle: [looks around, then stands on his chair] Uh, yeah! I agree! Uh, my fragile little eight-year-old mind didn't know how to deal with what I was seeing. Cartman should be punished!
[the adults agree, then go into an uproar again]
Cartman: Hey, fuck you, Kyle!


"South Park: Child Abduction Is Not Funny (#6.11)" (2002)
[the fours' parents are beside them to make sure they don't get abducted]
Mrs. Marsh: Do what you normally would do.
[pause]
Kyle Broflovski: You're such a fatass, Cartman.
Eric Cartman: At least I'm not a stupid jew.
Sheila Broflovski: What, What, WHAT?


"South Park: Death (#1.6)" (1997)
John Warsog: [the citizens of South Park are protesting over "Terence and Phillip"] Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is John Warsog. I have prepared a statement on behalf of the network.
[clears throat]
John Warsog: "Fuck you." Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen. If there are any questions you may direct them to that brick wall over there.
Mrs. Broflovski: Hey! You will not get away with this!
[Warsog drops his pants and moons the citizens before going back inside]


Christmas in South Park (2000) (V)
Sheila Broslofski: [singing] Now when you learn, to make the Dradel spin/You KNOW our people always win.


"South Park: Pre-School (#8.10)" (2004)
Trent Boyett: [holding a knife] Can Kyle come out and play?
Sheila Broflovski: Oh, Kyle isn't home right now, hon.
Trent Boyett: Thank you, ma'am.


"South Park: Conjoined Fetus Lady (#2.5)" (1998)
Sharon Marsh: Hello? Sheila? This is Sharon Marsh, Stan's mother.
Sheila Broflovsky: Yes Mrs. Marsh what can I do for you?
Sharon Marsh: My son tells me that you've been telling my son about the school nurse's condition.
Sheila Broflovsky: Yes. She has a dead fetus hanging from the side of her head.
Sharon Marsh: Yes well, the next time you want to scare the hell out of my son warn me first.