Sharon Marsh
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Quotes for
Sharon Marsh (Character)
from "South Park" (1997)

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"South Park: It's a Jersey Thing (#14.9)" (2010)
Sheila Broflovski: All you trashy whores get the fuck out of here and leave her alone!
Women from Jersey: Psycho bitch!
Sheila Broflovski: No, you're a psycho bitch! Psycho bitch! PSYCHO BITCH! You want to see fucking crazy? You better just step the fuck away if you want to see fucking crazy!
Women from Jersey: You're cabbage.
Sharon Marsh: ...Sheila?

Sheila Broflovski: That's when I knew I had to tell everyone the truth that originally... I'm from Jersey. Yes, born and raised. I wasn't even called Sheila back then. In Jersey I was known as S-Woww Titty Bang. I drank heavily and punched a lot of bitches in the face. Living in South Park, I'm able to control the Jersey side of me, which doesn't really come out unless I get around other people from Jersey.
[while her back is turned]
Sheila Broflovski: I'm just really hoping that people don't judge me for it or... or somehow, you know, hold it against me.
Sharon Marsh: Sheila, who are you talking to?
Sheila Broflovski: You wouldn't understand. It's a Jersey thing.


"South Park: A Nightmare on Facetime (#16.12)" (2012)
Sharon Marsh: I spoke to the insurance company. They said we can get some of our money back. Not all, but some. Do you want to come, take a shower?
Randy Marsh: No.
Sharon Marsh: You want to stay out here and be frozen?
Randy Marsh: Okay.
Sharon Marsh: Would you like me to bring you some McDonald's?
Randy Marsh: Yes.
Sharon Marsh: What would you like from McDonald's?
Randy Marsh: Chicken nuggets. French fries. Sweet and sour sauce. Hi-C Orange.

Sharon Marsh: Can I help you with something?
Randy Marsh: [Odd, creepy monotone] According to industry experts, many rural areas don't have the bandwidth to support DVD-quality video and streaming services, and won't for years to come, making DVD rental still the best movie watching option.


South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
Sheila Broflovski: Kyle you are grounded for two weeks.
Sharon Marsh: You too Stan.
Mrs. Cartman: And you're grounded for three weeks Eric.
Cartman: Hey! Why am I grounded more that's fuckin' bullshit!
Mrs. Cartman: What, what, what? What was that word young man?

Sharon Marsh: Well good morning, Stan.
Stan Marsh: Hi mom, can I have eight dollars to see a movie?
Sharon Marsh: A movie? But I thought you were going ice-skating.
Stan Marsh: But this is gonna be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada!
Sharon Marsh: Oh alright, then. But be back for supper!
Stan Marsh: Thanks, mom!


"South Park: Towelie (#5.8)" (2001)
Sharon Marsh: No. That, that came from me. Just put it away!
Eric Cartman: This came outta you? You just left it in the trash can? You shouldn't a done that, he's just a boy. Poor little feller.


"South Park: Trapped in the Closet (#9.12)" (2005)
Sharon Marsh: Stanly, I didn't know you were miserable!
Stan: Neither did I!


"South Park: Ass Burgers (#15.8)" (2011)
Sharon Marsh: People get older, Stanley. And as you get older you realize... the best thing to do is... just stick with what you know.


"South Park: Over Logging (#12.6)" (2008)
Sharon Marsh: Randy, off the internet.
Randy Marsh: [in childish voice] No! Come on, leave me alone!
Sharon Marsh: No, mister. It's time for night-night.
Randy Marsh: But Sharon, I got stuff to do! I got to see my credit rating, I got to send an e-mail to Nelson, check out Foley's vacation photos.
Sharon Marsh: You don't have to do all that now. You can do one more thing and then it's bedtime.
Randy Marsh: One more thing?
[clicks on a porn site and starts masturbating]


"South Park: Fantastic Easter Special (#11.5)" (2007)
[the Marsh family is coloring the eggs at their home]
Randy Marsh: [singing] In my Easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it, / I'll be the grandest lady in the Easter parade.
[he finishes coloring the egg and shows it off]
Randy Marsh: Look at that one, huh? Half-purple and half-yellow with a chickadee sticker. I'm good.
[sets it into the egg tray and goes for another one]
Stan: Uh, can I ask a question? Why do we do this?
Randy Marsh: Wha... what do you mean, "Why do we do this?" It's Easter!
Stan: Right. So why do we color eggs?
[Shelley makes a cross face]
Randy Marsh: Well... so that the Easter Bunny can hide them.
Stan: Yeah, but why?
Randy Marsh: Stanley, Easter celebrates the day that Jesus was resurrected after being crucified for our sins.
Stan: So we dip eggs in colored vinegar and a giant rabbit hides them?
Randy Marsh: [continues coloring] That's right.
Stan: You don't see the missteps in logic with that?
[Randy is unfazed, while Shelley, Sharon and Grandpa Marvin look at Stan disapprovingly]
Stan: Look, I'm just saying that somewhere between Jesus dying on the cross and a giant bunny hiding eggs there seems to be a... a gap of information.
Randy Marsh: [becoming cross] Stanley, just dye your goddamn eggs!
Stan: [leaves his seat] I don't feel like coloring eggs! I don't get it!
Randy Marsh: What is wrong with him?
Sharon: Well, he's just getting older, Randy. Maybe he's figured out the Easter Bunny isn't real.
[continues dyeing her eggs; Randy slams his palms down on the table angrily, and Sharon is taken aback]
Randy Marsh: [rising up to leave] You know so little!


"South Park: Margaritaville (#13.3)" (2009)
Sharon Marsh: All right, everyone, eat up.
Randy Marsh: Aw, Jesus Christ! Sliced hot dogs and tomato slices?
Sharon Marsh: You said we had to be careful with our money! I've got nothing for our food budget!
Stan Marsh: Mom, dad? How come there's suddenly no money?
Randy Marsh: I'll tell you what happened, son. See, there's a bunch of idiots out there who weren't happy with what they had. They wanted a bigger house and materialistic things that they didn't even need. People with no money, who got loans to buy frivolous things they had no business buying...
[Walks over to margarita machine and starts filling it with ice cubes]
Randy Marsh: ...and these assholes just blindly started buying any stupid thing that looked appealing 'cause they thought money was endless...
[Margarita machine muffles Randy's voice as he continues to talk]
Randy Marsh: [Pans back to a blank stare from Stan as the margarita machine continues to blend over Randy's voice, then back to Randy as he puts the machine on high]
Randy Marsh: ...even less money coming in. And the idiots couldn't see that by doing all this frivolous spending, they were mocking the economy! And they made the economy very angry. We're all feeling the economy's vengeance because of materialistic heathens who did stupid things with their money. Do you understand, son?
Randy Marsh: Yeah, I think I get it.


"South Park: Medicinal Fried Chicken (#14.3)" (2010)
Randy Marsh: The doctor made you a souvenir.
Sharon Marsh: Oh Randy, I love it!
Randy Marsh: And when it gets cold, it shrinks.
Woman #1: Sharon, you got a scrotum coat?
Sharon Marsh: Yep.
Woman #1: Lucky!


"South Park: The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs (#14.2)" (2010)
[Sharon rushes into the kitchen, covered in vomit and carrying a copy of the boys' story]
Sharon Marsh: Randy? Randy! Randy, you need to read this!
Randy Marsh: Read what?
Sharon Marsh: This book! Our son and his friends wrote it!
Randy Marsh: So?
Sharon Marsh: "So?" Randy, it's... it's... it's REALLY good!
Randy Marsh: Huh?
[Sharon hands him the story]
Sharon Marsh: I mean, it's disgusting, it's, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever read, but the plot is AMAZING, and the characters are so... VIVID!
Randy Marsh: [reading from the page] "It was a warm summer morning when Scrotie McBoogerballs awoke to find a..." Ew, Sharon, gross!
Sharon Marsh: No, no, just keep reading!
Randy Marsh: "He took a... and then..." Oh, ma - oh, this...
[he vomits all over the floor]
Sharon Marsh: I know. I know, Randy, but trust me, you gotta push through to the end.
Randy Marsh: No, no, that's just WRONG!
Randy Marsh: Randy, please, you've got to listen to me!
Randy Marsh: [continues reading] "Walking out of the house, he found a bloody b..." What? "... which he immediately stuck up his infected..."
[he gags and vomits again. The scene fades to a short time later; Randy, exhausted and soaked in vomit, is reading the last page while Sharon looks on]
Randy Marsh: "... that was all long ago in some brief lost spring, in a place that is no more. In that hour, the vag-frogs begin, and the scent of Scrotie's infected anus comes strongest."
[he puts the page down and sighs]
Randy Marsh: Oh... oh, man.
Sharon Marsh: Well?
Randy Marsh: It's... it's awesome. Sharon, it's, it's the best book I've ever read.
Sharon Marsh: Right? It's not just me!
Randy Marsh: No, it's... I mean, the whole part about Amsterdam? Wow!
Sharon Marsh: What do we do, Randy? We can't support our son talking like this, but I, I mean...
Randy Marsh: No, I, I know. He's... people NEED to read this book, Sharon. This is... this is Pulitzer Prize stuff.


"South Park: Broadway Bro Down (#15.11)" (2011)
Randy Marsh: Shelley? Shelley! Shelley, come on. We have to go!
Shelly Marsh: Dad, what are you doing here?
Randy Marsh: Right now, Shelley! Shelley you are not watching this trash! Now, come on!
[Audience]: Would you mind? I'm trying to enjoy this musical with my grand daughter!
Randy Marsh: Oh you fucking pervert!


"South Park: Proper Condom Use (#5.7)" (2001)
Sharon Marsh: Stanley, do you know why you're being grounded for ten months?
Kyle Broflovski: No!
Randy Marsh: Beating off the dog is not appropriate when we have company. I mean, ever! Beating off the dog is not appropriate ever.
[after Sharon looks at him]


"South Park: Conjoined Fetus Lady (#2.5)" (1998)
Sharon Marsh: Hello? Sheila? This is Sharon Marsh, Stan's mother.
Sheila Broflovsky: Yes Mrs. Marsh what can I do for you?
Sharon Marsh: My son tells me that you've been telling my son about the school nurse's condition.
Sheila Broflovsky: Yes. She has a dead fetus hanging from the side of her head.
Sharon Marsh: Yes well, the next time you want to scare the hell out of my son warn me first.


"South Park: The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers (#6.13)" (2002)
Randy Marsh: Alright, now listen kids. There's some things that we need to put into context for you. You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina for both love and pleasure. But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man facing the other way so that they can put each other's genitals in their mouths. This is called 69ing, and it's normal.
Sharon Marsh: You see boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina and it feels good to have a man's penis inside of it.
Sheila Broflovski: That's right. But sometimes a woman chooses to use other things. Telephones, staplers, magazines. It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive, it's like a fun tickle.
Gerald Broflovski: Now, on the double penetration boys, you see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man, each man makes love to a different orifice.
Randy Marsh: That's right. It's something adults can do with really good friends in a comfortable setting.
Sheila Broflovski: It's also important that you understand why some people choose to urinate on each other.
Randy Marsh: Going number one or number two on your lover is something people might do, but you must make sure your partner is okay with it before you start doing it.
Gerald Broflovski: Okay boys, do you have any questions?
Stan Marsh: [astonished] Wow.