Jimbo Kearn
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Quotes for
Jimbo Kearn (Character)
from "South Park" (1997)

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"South Park: Volcano (#1.3)" (1997)
[Repeated line, while hunting]
Jimbo: It's coming right for us.

Stan Marsh: My Uncle Jimbo says we gotta get up there early. Right Uncle Jimbo?
Jimbo: That's right, Stanley. Animals are much easier to shoot in the morning.

Stan Marsh: I don't want to shoot the bunny.
Jimbo: What the hell are you talking about, you don't want to shoot the bunny? You're babbling, you're not making any sense, you're hysterical!

Jimbo: Look, It's Scuzzlebutt.
Cartman: What, Scuzzlebutt's REAL?
Patrick Duffy: Hello kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.


"South Park: South Park Is Gay (#7.8)" (2003)
Jimbo Kern: Hey! My shoes don't say I pound ass!
Mr. Garrison: No, your shoes say you take it in the ass!

Jimbo Kern: [the town has switched from a gay fad to a Latino fad; Jimbo turns to Randy] Hey, ese, you want come cerveza?

Mr. Garrison: Why won't anyone pound Mr Slave's butt?
Randy Marsh: Um, we don't pound butt, Mr Garrison, we're straight.
Mr. Garrison: Those pants and those shoes say you pound butt!
Jimbo: Hey, now that's not true. My shoes don't say I pound butt.
Mr. Garrison: No, your shoes say you take it in the butt!


"South Park: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride (#1.4)" (1997)
Richard Stamos: [singing] Loving you is easy when you're beautiful. Do, do, do, do, do...
[Off key]
Richard Stamos: Ah!
[Off key]
Richard Stamos: Ah!
Jimbo: What the hell? He didn't hit the high F.
Gabriel: Richard Stamos can't hit the high F. He always screws it up like this.
[Jeering!]
Gabriel: It's obvious where all of the talent in that family went.
Jimbo: Ned we are in big trouble.

Jimbo: Jesus, now I haven't asked you for much, but all we need is one little score. Please? Please, Jesus?
Jesus: Leave me alone.

Richard Stamos: [singing] Loving you is easy when you're beautiful. Do, do, do, do, do...
[off key]
Richard Stamos: Ah!
[off key]
Richard Stamos: Ah!
Jimbo: What the hell? He didn't hit the high F.
Garrison: Richard Stamos can't hit the high F. He always screws it up like this.
[jeering]
Garrison: It's obvious where all of the talent in that family went.
Jimbo: Ned, we are in big trouble.


"South Park: The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka (#2.6)" (1998)
Eric Cartman: Was it fun?
[serving in Viet Nam]
Jimbo Kearn: Sure, Viet Nam was fun, but not going-to-the-circus fun or fly-fishing-in-Montana fun. It was more shoving shards of broken glass up your ass and then sitting in a tub of Tabasco sauce fun.

Jimbo Kearn: [reading aloud to Ned in the hospital] But Ponyboy was beat up pretty bad. He kept on saying, stay gold, stay gold.


"South Park: Here Comes the Neighborhood (#5.12)" (2001)
Skeeter: That was it. We just saw the last of them speeding away in a van!
[all the men yell, "All right!"]
Gerald Brofloski: They were so scared, I'm sure they'll never be back!
Mr. Garrison: That's great! And now we can sell all their homes, and become... millionaires!
[all the men stop and ask, "What?"]
Jimbo: But then you had us do all that for nothin'. Don't you see - if you get rich sellin' these homes, then there will still be rich people in South Park.
Randy Marsh: Yeah. You'd become what you hate.
[Mr. Garrison pauses]
Mr. Garrison: Well yeah, but at least I got rid of all those damn ni-
[credits roll]

Mr. Garrison: Now we can sell all their homes and become millionaires.
Jimbo: But then you had us do all that for nothing. Don't you see, if you get rich selling these homes then there will still be rich people in South Park.
Randy Marsh: Yeah, you'd become what you hate.
Mr. Garrison: Well yeah, but at least I got rid of all those damn ni...
[credits roll]


"South Park: Summer Sucks (#2.8)" (1998)
Ned: Are fireworks legal in Mexico?
Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way.

Border Patrolman: Good evening, gentlemen.
Jimbo Kern: Hello there, fellow American. We're just anxious to get back to our homeland.
Border Patrolman: All right, I just need to ask you a few questions.
Jimbo Kern: Fire away. We have nothing to hide.
Border Patrolman: Is anyone other than the two of you traveling in this vehicle?
Jimbo Kern: No sir.
Border Patrolman: Do you have any firearms or explosives in the car?
Jimbo Kern: Yes. I mean no! No.
Border Patrolman: Open your trunk please, sir.
Jimbo Kern: Damn! Damn, I always get that question wrong!


"South Park: Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery (#3.10)" (1999)
Jimbo Kern: Aw, man, Ned! This ain't a whore house, it's a horr-or house!


"South Park: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (#1.9)" (1997)
Mayor McDaniels: Okay, just what the heck is going on here, people?
Citizen: Mayor, we are deeply offended by the nativity scene in front of the state office. Church and state are separate!
Crowd: Yeah!
Sheila Broflovski: That isn't all, Mayor. The school play is doing a nativity scene. It isn't being sensitive to the Jewish community.
Mr. Garrison: You ARE the Jewish community!
Cartman: Oh boy. Super bitch is at it again!
Kyle: Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
Father Maxey: Mayor, the nativity is what Christmas is about. If you remove Christ, you must remove Santa and Frosty and all that garbage too!
Crowd: Hallelujah! Amen!
Tree Lover: And we must put a stop to the cutting down of Christmas trees!
Crowd: Yeah!
Jimbo Kern: And I am sick and tired of those little flaps on coffee lids. If you don't want to spill your coffee, then you shouldn't be driving with it!
[pause]
Crowd: Yeah!


"South Park: Ike's Wee Wee (#2.4)" (1998)
Jimbo: [Mackey's dressed like a hippie] Why don't you go to a Grateful Dead concert?
Mr. Mackey: I can't, man, Jerry Berry's dead.


"South Park: Weight Gain 4000 (#1.2)" (1997)
Jimbo: Uh-oh.
Chef: You know, Kathie Lee, you are a very special woman. I don't mean special in a Mary Tyler Moore way, or special in an extra value meal at Happy Burger way. No, no, no, no, no. I mean special, like the song of a hummingbird as it gets ready to find that female hummingbird and make sweet love to it all night long. Just two hummingbirds moaning and groaning and letting their bodies caress and touch each other in ecstasy.
[sings]
Chef: Oh Kathie Lee / How I'd love to lay you down / And lick every inch of your body with my tongue. / Kathie Lee, you're my sexual fantasy. / How 'bout you and me get it together and make sweet love?


"South Park: Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut (#2.2)" (1998)
[Jimbo and folks are stuck at Studio, they have to raffle off the next eatable person]
Uncle Jimbo: OK, until now, everyone has picked up a long stick. I will be next.
[Jimbo picks up a stick from Barbrady's fist; a tall one]
Uncle Jimbo: Phew!
[Mr. Garrison picks up a stick; a tall one]
Mr. Garrison: Phew!
[Barbrady opens his fist; another tall one]
Officer Barbrady: Whooof!
Uncle Jimbo: Barbrady, where the hell is the short one?
Officer Barbrady: Eh, what?
Uncle Jimbo: Someone has to get a short stick, so we know, who will lose!
Officer Barbrady: Hmm... I always have played with wrong rules!


"South Park: Smug Alert! (#10.2)" (2006)
Jimbo: Thanks a lot, officer dickhole!


South Park (1998) (VG)
Jimbo: Hey, You made me spill my beer!


"South Park: Night of the Living Homeless (#11.7)" (2007)
Randy Marsh: [digs through a box of poptarts] No, no damnit!
[tosses the box off the roof]
Randy Marsh: That's it, that's it everyone we're out of poptarts!
Jimbo Kern: No we can't be!
Randy Marsh: Face it we're going to starve!
Linda Stotch: No, no wait there's still a box over here
[shows him the box]
Randy Marsh: Those are cherry, ick!


South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
Jimbo Kearn: Oh boy, military action, Ned, we're gonna kill us some goddam Australians!
Ned Gerblanski: I think we're fighting Canadians.
Jimbo Kearn: Canadians, Australians, what's the difference?