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Quotes for
Mr. Hankey (Character)
from "South Park" (1997)

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Christmas in South Park (2000) (V)
Mr. Hankey: If you don't like it, you can suck my little balls.

Mr. Garrison: Okay Kyle, why don't you take the prod.
[hands the prod to Kyle]
Kyle: Sweet!
Mr. Garrison: Okay Eric, whenever you're ready
[starts playing a piano]
Eric Cartman: [singing] and, O holy night
[Kyle shocks him]
Eric Cartman: Ow! What was that for? I didn't screw up.
[Kyle laughs]
Eric Cartman: What?
Mr. Garrison: No, Kyle, you can't shock him unless he forgets the words.
Kyle: Sorry, Mr. Garrison.

Mr. Garrison: [singing] Oh Christmas Day, I travel 'round the world and say: Taoist, Krishnas, Buddhists and all you atheists too! Merry fucking Christmas to you!

Mr. Garrison: [singing] Hey there, Mr. Shintoist, Merry fucking Christmas! God is gonna kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum/ In case you haven't noticed, there's festive things to do/ So let's all rejoice for Jesus/Merry fucking Christmas to you!

Mr. Garrison: [singing] Hey there, Mister Hinduist/Merry fucking Christmas! Drink eggnog and eat some beef and pass it to the missus/In case you haven't noticed/It's Jesus' birthday/So get off your heathen Hindu ass and fucking celebrate!

Mr. Mackey: [singing] Hark, hear the bells/Sweet silver bells/ All seem to say, "Ding dong, M'kay".


"South Park: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (#1.9)" (1997)
Mr. Hankey: Not real, eh? If I wasn't real, could I sing this merry little song?
[singing]
Mr. Hankey: Santa Claus is on his way / Load of goodies on his sleigh / He'll dump them all on Christmas day / And I'll say "Howdy Ho!"

Mr. Hankey: Hidey Ho.

Cartman: [singing] Well, Kyle's mom's a bitch she's a big fat bitch. She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide. She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch. She's a bitch to all the boys and girls.
Kyle: Shut up Cartman
Mr. Hankey: Hideho!
Kyle: Mr Hankey.
Cartman: Yes Kyle's mom's a bitch she's a big fat bitch.
Mr. Hankey: Golly that isn't very nice. I sure would like to teach him lesson.
Cartman: Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, she's a stupid bitch. Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a stupid dirty bitch. Kyle's mom is a bitch.

Sheila Broflovski: [objecting to a Christmas symbol] It's offensive to the Jewish community!
Mr. Garrison: You are the Jewish community!

Mayor McDaniels: Okay, just what the heck is going on here, people?
Citizen: Mayor, we are deeply offended by the nativity scene in front of the state office. Church and state are separate!
Crowd: Yeah!
Sheila Broflovski: That isn't all, Mayor. The school play is doing a nativity scene. It isn't being sensitive to the Jewish community.
Mr. Garrison: You ARE the Jewish community!
Cartman: Oh boy. Super bitch is at it again!
Kyle: Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
Father Maxey: Mayor, the nativity is what Christmas is about. If you remove Christ, you must remove Santa and Frosty and all that garbage too!
Crowd: Hallelujah! Amen!
Tree Lover: And we must put a stop to the cutting down of Christmas trees!
Crowd: Yeah!
Jimbo Kern: And I am sick and tired of those little flaps on coffee lids. If you don't want to spill your coffee, then you shouldn't be driving with it!
[pause]
Crowd: Yeah!