Mr. Mackey
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Quotes for
Mr. Mackey (Character)
from "South Park" (1997)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
Mr. Garrison: ...I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Cartman: [to Kyle] Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: Fuck!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Mr. Garrison: [angrily] How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
[the whole class gasps]
Mr. Garrison: [furiously] What did you say?
Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was...
[Cartman picks up a megaphone]
Cartman: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, MR. GARRISON?
[Mr. Garrison is so furious that no word comes out of his mouth]
Stan: Holy shit, dude.

Mr. Mackey: I guess I'll have to send a warning letter out to parents before more children see Terrence & Phillip.
Cartman: Everybody's fucking seen it.
Mrs. Cartman: Eric!
Cartman: I'm sorry I can't help myself. That movie has warped my fragile little mind.

Mr. Garrison: I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang.

Mr. Garrison: What is five times two?
[No response from the class]
Mr. Garrison: Now come on children, don't be shy, just give it your best shot.
[Clive raises his hand]
Clive: Twelve.
Mr. Garrison: OK, now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.

Mr. Mackey: [singing] Step 4, don't say fuck anymore, 'cause fuck is the worst word that you can say.
Children: Fuck is the worst word that you can say. We shouldn't say fuck, no we shouldn't say fuck, fuck no!

Mr. Mackey: I want to know where you heard all this horrific obscenities, m'kay?
Kyle: Nowhere.
Stan: We heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before.
Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr Garrison ever said: "Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker".

Cartman: Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?
Mr. Mackey: What?
Cartman: What's the big fucking deal, bitch?
Stan: Yeah!

Mr. Garrison: All the Baldwins are dead!

Mr. Mackey: [over loud speaker] Anyone wearing Terrance and Phillip shirts are to be sent home immediately!
Children: [pause] Hurray!

Mr. Garrison: Sorry kids, I just can't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Cartman: [Realizing he still has Mr. Hat] Why the hell am I still holding this thing for?
[Throws him away]
Mr. Garrison: [From off screen] Mr. Hat, no!


"South Park: The Death Camp of Tolerance (#6.14)" (2002)
Mr. Garrison: Holy Moley! I've gotta find a way to get fired for being gay!

Mr. Garrison: God-damnit!
Mr. Slave: How'd it go?
Mr. Garrison: This is unbelievable, Mr. Slave! It seems no matter what I do I can't get fired!
Mr. Slave: The principal didn't fire you?
Mr. Garrison: No! The parents felt so bad that their kids didn't want to attend my class anymore that they wanna give me the Courageous Teacher award this Friday at the Museum of Tolerance!
Mr. Slave: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Mr. Garrison: I mean, I stuck a gerbil up your ass and they wanna give me a Goddamn medal!
Mr. Slave: Well it sounds to me like the principal's just hiding things from everybody. What you need to do is let the parents see what kind of demented faggot you are.
Mr. Garrison: Oh well-
[stops and thinks]
Mr. Garrison: Hey, that's right, Mr. Slave.
[paces a bit]
Mr. Garrison: The parents have to see for themselves.
[snaps his fingers]
Mr. Garrison: The awards ceremony! Well we'll put on a show they'll never forget!

Mr. Garrison: I'm not saying the rest of the school year will be easy. In fact, it's going to be long and hard.
[does motions for both words - the palms facomg each other and pulling apart, then two fists]
Mr. Garrison: Really long and really hard.
[emphasizes the motions]
Mr. Slave: Oh Jesus Christ.
Mr. Garrison: Ehewww, the first thing we're gonna be learning about is communist Russia.
[Starts writing Stalin on the board]
Eric Cartman: [Making a paper airplane] No, Kenny. What are you doing, Kenny?
Mr. Garrison: Now, Stalin was a big silly when it came to...
Eric Cartman: Kenny, no! Don't do it, Kenny!
[fires the plane off. It hits the board and falls away]
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just throw a paper airplane?
Eric Cartman: No, it was Kenny!
Mr. Garrison: Very funny, Eric! Kenny's dead!
Stan Marsh: Yeah, but Cartman drank Kenny's remains, and now Kenny's soul is trapped in Cartman's body.
The Class: Yeah!
Mr. Garrison: That does it! I will not put up with foolishness in my class! It's time for punishmenmt!
[reaches into his desk and pulls out a paddle, then strikes it against his left palm twice. He walks over to Mr. Slave and has him bend over]
Mr. Garrison: Take it Mr. Slave!
[swats him three times on the ass]

Mr. Garrison: Say, Mr. Slave?
Mr. Slave: Yes, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: I had a dream last night where you were a real dick!
Mr. Slave: Why would you dream I was being an asshole?
Mr. Garrison: No, no! I was the asshole.

Randy Marsh: [In the Hall of Stereoypes] Here, Stan, here's another stereotype- the lazy Mexican. Now, we know that not all Mexicans are lazy, and-
[Mr. Venezuela, the janitor, wakes up]
Randy Marsh: Huh?
Mr. Venezuela: Yo, man, where am I?
Randy Marsh: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were a wax statue.
Mr. Venezuela: Naw, man, I'm the janitor, but I'm just so tired and sleepy.
Randy Marsh: Oh, I see.

Mr. Garrison: It's been brought to my attention that fourth graders might be too old for Mr. Hat.
Kyle: Two year olds are too old for Mr. Hat.


"South Park: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (#1.9)" (1997)
Mr. Hankey: Not real, eh? If I wasn't real, could I sing this merry little song?
[singing]
Mr. Hankey: Santa Claus is on his way / Load of goodies on his sleigh / He'll dump them all on Christmas day / And I'll say "Howdy Ho!"

Mr. Hankey: Hidey Ho.

Cartman: [singing] Well, Kyle's mom's a bitch she's a big fat bitch. She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide. She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch. She's a bitch to all the boys and girls.
Kyle: Shut up Cartman
Mr. Hankey: Hideho!
Kyle: Mr Hankey.
Cartman: Yes Kyle's mom's a bitch she's a big fat bitch.
Mr. Hankey: Golly that isn't very nice. I sure would like to teach him lesson.
Cartman: Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, she's a stupid bitch. Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a stupid dirty bitch. Kyle's mom is a bitch.

Sheila Broflovski: [objecting to a Christmas symbol] It's offensive to the Jewish community!
Mr. Garrison: You are the Jewish community!

Mayor McDaniels: Okay, just what the heck is going on here, people?
Citizen: Mayor, we are deeply offended by the nativity scene in front of the state office. Church and state are separate!
Crowd: Yeah!
Sheila Broflovski: That isn't all, Mayor. The school play is doing a nativity scene. It isn't being sensitive to the Jewish community.
Mr. Garrison: You ARE the Jewish community!
Cartman: Oh boy. Super bitch is at it again!
Kyle: Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
Father Maxey: Mayor, the nativity is what Christmas is about. If you remove Christ, you must remove Santa and Frosty and all that garbage too!
Crowd: Hallelujah! Amen!
Tree Lover: And we must put a stop to the cutting down of Christmas trees!
Crowd: Yeah!
Jimbo Kern: And I am sick and tired of those little flaps on coffee lids. If you don't want to spill your coffee, then you shouldn't be driving with it!
[pause]
Crowd: Yeah!


"South Park: Ike's Wee Wee (#2.4)" (1998)
Jimbo: [Mackey's dressed like a hippie] Why don't you go to a Grateful Dead concert?
Mr. Mackey: I can't, man, Jerry Berry's dead.

Stan Marsh: Why do dogs have cold noses?
Mr. Mackey: Uuuhh... well, I'm not sure.

Stan Marsh: We're sorry, Mr. Mackey, mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Uh, that's okay, just don't let it happen again.
Kyle Broflovski: We won't let it happen again, Mr. Mackey, mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay, that's that.
Eric Cartman: Mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay.

Mr. Mackey: Mari-ju-ana's bad, m'kay?


"South Park: It Hits the Fan (#5.1)" (2001)
Mr. Garrison: Well, they can't use "fag" because you can't say "fag" unless you're a homosexual.
Mr. Marsh: Really? So we can't say
[bleeped out]
Mr. Marsh: "fag"?
Mr. Garrison: See? You, you got beeped.
Man #1: You mean you have to be a
[bleeped out]
Man #1: "fag" to say
[bleeped out]
Man #1: "fag"?
Mr. Garrison: That's right!
Jimbo: Well, that's not fair! I should be able to say "fag".
Mr. Marsh: Hey, you didn't get beeped.
Jimbo: Uh oh.
Mr. Garrison: Well, well, well. Guess we learned something new about you, Jimbo, you friggin' fag. You wanna go and make out or something?

Mr. Garrison: Recently I came out and admitted I was a homosexual so now I can say the word "Fag". On television, they usually don't allow "fag", but since I'm gay, it's okay. And with the new approval of the word "shit", I can now say: "Hey there, shitty shitty fag fag, shitty shitty fag fag, how do you do? Hey there, shitty shitty fag fag, shitty shitty fag fag, how do you do?"

Mr. Garrison: Now when I want you to hand in your work, I'll say, "Hand in your shit".
Filmore Anderson: What about, "I have to take a shit"?
Mr. Garrison: No, Fillmore. You can say, "I have to poop and shit", or, "Oh, shit, I have to poop", but not "I have to take a shit".

Mr. Garrison: So piss off, ya fag shitter!


"South Park: Timmy 2000 (#4.3)" (2000)
Clinic Doctor: Now, Timmy, I'm going to read you a book called, "The Great Gatsby," by F. Scott Fitzgerald. At the end of the novel I'll ask you a few questions. Are you ready?
Timmy: Timmih.
Clinic Doctor: [sits] Okay, here we go.
[opens the book and clear his throat]
Clinic Doctor: "In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since"
["since since since since..." The clock reads 2:01, but the hours begin to roll by: 3:24, 5:55, 9:09... ]
Clinic Doctor: "so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
Timmy: Ha-a-a-a-a-h.
Clinic Doctor: Okay now, Timmy. Can you tell me: In Chapter 7, what kind of car did Gatsby drive?
Timmy: [fiddles around some, then turns aside] Timmih!
Clinic Doctor: [rises and slams the book on the floor] Well, that settles it!
Mr. Mackey: [sits up] Huh?
Clinic Doctor: This young man definitely has Attention Deficit Disorder!
Mr. Mackey: [rubs his eyes] Oh oh, I nuh-I knew it.
Principal Victoria: What can we do for him, doctor?
Clinic Doctor: Well, ADD is fairly common in kids today. I'm gonna prescribe some Ritalin, and we'll see how that goes for little Timmy.
Timmy: [softly] Timmih.

Mr. Garrison: [in reference to the Declaration of Independence] And who wrote that document? Hmm... let's see... I know, let's ask the new kid, Timmy.
Timmy: Timmy!
Mr. Garrison: No Timmy, it wasn't you.

Mr. Garrison: Okay children let's settle down!
[all the children sit there quietly and attentively]
Mr. Garrison: Huh I mean it, I want it quiet!
[the children remain calm]
Mr. Garrison: My god Mr. Hat, these children are so boring on Ritalin. Huh, alright children, were going to learn about human reproduction, what do you think about that?
[the children don't respond]
Mr. Garrison: Vaginas and penises! Butt sex!
[no one says a word]
Mr. Garrison: Well damnit! Eric don't you have some smartass thing to say?
Cartman: [calmly and politely] What kind of smartass thing would I say Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: [grabs his head in anger] This is driving me crazy! I can't handle you little bastards being so mellow!
Kyle: Gee you seem a little stressed Mr. Garrison, why don't you try some Ritalin?
[hands a bottle to Mr. Garrison who grabs it and dumps the pills down his throat]
Cartman: There you go
[hallucinates seeing a Christina Aguilera monster]
Cartman: Woah!


"South Park: Erection Day (#9.7)" (2005)
Mr. Mackey: M'kay, now I asked you to submit questions to this question and answer box. I promise to keep them anonymous. I got a lot o' responses, so let's see what the first one says.
[Pulls a slip of paper out and reads it]
Mr. Mackey: "Mr. Mackey is gay."
[the class begins to laugh]
Mr. Mackey: Now, now that is not funny, m'kay? This was supposed to be a box for serious questions. Let's read the next one.
[Pulls another slip of paper out and reads it]
Mr. Mackey: "Dear Mr. Mackey: you are gay." Damn it!
[Pulls a third slip of paper out]
Mr. Mackey: "Dear Mr. Mackey: sometimes my parents hit me... and you are gay." Damn it, is there not one serious question in here, m'kay?
[Searches the box]
Mr. Mackey: "Mr Mackey is gay," "Mr. Mackey is gay," "Mr. Mackey is gay..."

Mr. Garrison: [during the school talent show] And now, performing select readings from the movie Scarface, Eric Cartman!
Eric Cartman: [imitating Tony Montana] What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy."


"South Park: 4th Grade (#4.11)" (2000)
Mr. Garrison: Alright, let's try it again.
Mrs. Choksondik: "Children, we are now going to do math problems."
Mr. Garrison: "But teacher, I don't want to do my math problems."
Mrs. Choksondik: "You will do them or else you'll be in very big trouble!"
Mr. Garrison: "Well, I'm not going to do it, teacher! You can just suck my balls!"
Mrs. Choksondik: "Don't use that kind of language, young man!"
Mr. Garrison: No!
Mrs. Choksondik: No?
Mr. Garrison: Look, you can't counter a profane command with an idle threat! You must extinguish it with a vulgar suggestion! When a child says, "Suck my balls," you say, "Present them."
Mrs. Choksondik: Oh.
Mr. Garrison: Now, let's try it again. "Suck my balls!"
Mrs. Choksondik: "Present them?"
Mr. Garrison: Good. Very good. You're ready to move on to the next level.

Mr. Garrison: Do you know what it is to be a teacher, Ms...?
Mrs. Choksondik: Choksondik.
Mr. Garrison: No I don't! IT'S A LIE! You see? That's what you get for bein' a teacher! You work and you work for the children and then people start rumors that you're gay even though you love poontang!


"South Park: Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods (#2.11)" (1998)
[sees Mr. Mackey try a "mind-meld" with an emotionally crippled boy]
Nurse Gollum: This is the strangest thing I've ever seen.
Mr. Mackey: Please, nurse. For a woman with a dead fetus on your head, you're not being very open-minded.

Mr. Garrison: [Mr. Garrison has just shown his class an episode of Barnaby Jones] Okay, children, what do you think Barnaby Jones meant when he said, "This is not a victimless crime"? Anybody? Children, were you paying attention?
Kyle: Mr. Garrison, we've been watching Barnaby Jones repeats for eight days now. It's hard to keep paying attention.
Mr. Garrison: Oh, well excuse me, Kyle! Why don't you just *forget* what Barnaby Jones has to say? Why don't you *not* pay attention to Barnaby Jones and then let's see how far you get in society?


"South Park: World Wide Recorder Concert (#3.17)" (2000)
Kyle Broflovski: Well, that whole experience sure did suck.
Stan Marsh: Yeah, but you know? I learned something today. We were so worried about how cool we looked to those New Yorker kids that we forgot we are already totally cool, even if we don't what queef means.
Mr. Mackey: [Walking by] Queef is a vaginal explosion of gas, mmmkay.

[the class is playing their recorders out of tune]
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay, that's sounding great kids.
Mr Garrison: [sarcastically] Sure, if you like the sound of a Peacock getting its neck broken.


"South Park: Proper Condom Use (#5.7)" (2001)
[Mr. Garrison has to teach sexual education in Kindergarten]
Mr. Herbert Garrison: Okay children, who can tell me what a condom is?
[silence, one girl raises hand]
Mr. Herbert Garrison: Yes, Jenny?
Jenny: It fwies awound and it's endangewed.
Mr. Herbert Garrison: That's a *condor*, Jenny! Condor. *Condoms* are what we use to stop the spread of STDs.
[Fillmore raises hand]
Mr. Herbert Garrison: Yes, Fillmore?
Filmore Anderson: Can we do fingerpaints?
Mr. Herbert Garrison: [angrily] No, we can't do fingerpaints! You kids wanna get herpes, huh? How 'bout a nice bucket of AIDS? Sound good? Now pay attention, all right? I'm going show you the proper way to put on a condom.
[puts a wooden phallus on table]
Mr. Herbert Garrison: First of all, you remove the condom from its package. Then you find which way the condom rolls out. Put it in your mouth
[puts consom in mouth, and starts to speak muffled]
Mr. Herbert Garrison: and apply.
[off screen, Garrison puts the condom over the wooden penis by act of fellatio; the kids look baffled; one starts crying]
Mr. Herbert Garrison: And it's as simple as that. Any questions?

Chef: Look, schools are teaching condom use to younger and younger students each day, but sex isn't something that should be taught in text books and diagrams; sex is emotional and spiritual - it needs to be taught by family. I know it can be hard, parents, but if you leave it up to the school to teach kids, you don't know who they're learning it from. It could be someone who doesn't know, someone who has a bad opinion of it, or even a complete pervert.
[panning from Mr. Mackey, to Chokesondick, and then to Mr. Garrison]
Mr. Garrison: What? Why did you pan to me just now? What the hell's that supposed to mean?


South Park: The Stick of Truth (2014) (VG)
Ginger Boy: [defeated in battle by Douchebag] Officer down! Officer down! Send backup!
[through walkie-talkie]
Ginger Boy: I repeat, officer down! All hallway monitors to the right hallway!
Mr. Mackey: Oh, God damnit!
Craig Tucker: Heeeeere they come.
Mr. Mackey: They aren't going to get you, Craig! You're not getting out of detention!
Craig Tucker: I'll be out of here in ten minutes.


"South Park: Breast Cancer Show Ever (#12.9)" (2008)
Butters: Eric, what's going on? Everyone's saying you got detention on purpouse to get out of fighting Wendy
Eric Cartman: What? That's ridiculous!
Butters: But some people think you crapped on the teacher's desk to get out of the fight!
Eric Cartman: That's not why I did it!
Craig: Then why'd you crap on Garrison's desk?
Eric Cartman: Because, I'm hardcore! Y'know, I'm anti-establishment, that's how I roll dogs, I do hardcore stuff like that!
Butters: That's what I said! I told everyone outside "Cartman ain't scared of fighting Wendy, he'd do it if he could!"
Eric Cartman: Damn straight! I just got all punk rock, and got detention y'know, just a bad dude!
Craig: OK, that's good, because we've moved the fight the first thing in the morning tommorow!
Jimmy: Before school starts, everyone's gonna get there early!
Eric Cartman: Huh?
Butters: That way, it won't matter if you get detention
Mr Mackey: [in the background] Eric, get your buns back here, mkay!
Jimmy: Wendy said she'd be here an hour before school starts, see you in the morning, ch-ch-champ!
Wendy Testaburger: [Cartman goes back to the chair he sat on, and finds Wendy knocking on the window] Tomorrow morning, you fucking die tomorrow morning!


"South Park: Rainforest Shmainforest (#3.1)" (1999)
Mr. Mackey: [Lecturing Craig in his office] I am tired of seeing you here in my office, young man. You get sent here every day, Craig.
Craig: I know.
Mr. Mackey: Why can't you behave?
Craig: I don't know.
Mr. Mackey: What do you have to say for yourself?
[Craig is silent]
Mr. Mackey: Well, I'll tell you what, young man. You're gonna be held back a grade if you can't...
[Craig gives Mr. Mackey the finger]
Mr. Mackey: Did you just flip me off?
Craig: No.
Mr. Mackey: Yes, you did! You just flipped me the bird! This is exactly what I'm talking about! If you don't shape up, m'kay, and get your head straight-
[Craig does it again]
Mr. Mackey: There! You just flipped me off again!
Craig: No, I didn't.
Mr. Mackey: Yes, you did! And until you stop flipping people off, you can just go back to the waiting room, m'kay? Next!
[Craig hops off the chair as the door opens. The boys enter]
Mr. Mackey: Well, well, well, if it isn't Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Eric.
Kyle Broflovski: Hi, Craig.
Eric Cartman: Hey, don't flip me off, you son of a bitch!
Mr. Mackey: Sit down, boys. Now, let's see. What did Mr. Garrison send you in here for?
[Reading the letter]
Mr. Mackey: "The boys were being rude while a choir teacher was giving some stupid presentation..."
Stan Marsh: It's just some dumb activist kids' choir thing.
Mr. Mackey: Uh, young man, Getting Gay With Kids is not dumb, m'kay?


"South Park: Butt Out (#7.13)" (2003)
Mr. Mackey: [Mr Mackey catches the boy smoking outside the school] OK, let me tell you boys something about smoking, OK? Smoking's bad. And if you start smoking at an early age, it's gonna be bad. And smoking can lead to all kinds of health problems... like cancer... OK? And let me tell you something about cancer... cancer's bad.


"South Park: Die Hippie, Die (#9.2)" (2005)
[Eric Cartman is in jail]
Mr. Mackey: Uh, hi, Eric, how's it going?
Eric Cartman: [sarcastically] Great. I love crapping in a toilet with no rim on it.


"South Park: Go God Go (#10.12)" (2006)
[Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey are counseling Ms. Garrison to teach the kids evolution]
Ms. Garrison: [with her back to the principal's desk] Principal Victoria, it is wrong! It is wrong and I simply will not do it!
[she walks back to the desk]
Ms. Garrison: I care about my students, and I will not fill their heads with lies!
[she pounds on the desk for emphasis]
Ms. Garrison: [shouts] I am *not* teaching evolution in my class!
Principal Victoria: Mrs. Garrison, evolution is in the school curriculum. We have to teach it.
Ms. Garrison: Evolution is a theory! A hare-brained theory that says I'm a monkey! I am not a monkey! I'm a woman!
Mr. Mackey: M'kay. Y-you realize evolution has been pretty much, uh, proven.
Ms. Garrison: I warn you, Principal Victoria! Those students are not prepared to hear this stuff!
Principal Victoria: Our students want to learn, Mrs. Garrison, and they're mature enough to handle anything.


"South Park: Sexual Harassment Panda (#3.6)" (1999)
Mr. Garrison: Now does anyone know what sexual harassment means?
[Cartman raises his hand]
Mr. Garrison: Yes, Eric?
Eric Cartman: When you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.


"South Park: Cherokee Hair Tampons (#4.6)" (2000)
Mr. Garrison: Oh yeah, Mr. Hat. Hot lesbo scene comin' up!


Christmas in South Park (2000) (V)
Mr. Mackey: [singing] Hark, hear the bells/Sweet silver bells/ All seem to say, "Ding dong, M'kay".


"South Park: Clubhouses (#2.12)" (1998)
Mr. Garrison: Stan, are you paying attention?
Stan: Yes, Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison: Well then, Stanley, what did I just say?
Stan: [pause] Um, you said that even though Charo appeared 12 times on the Love Boat, the episode with Captain and Tennille got higher ratings.
Mr. Garrison: Well, okay, I suppose you were paying attention.
Kyle: [whispers] Good guess dude.
Stan: [whispers] Phew.


"South Park: Eek, a Penis! (#12.5)" (2008)
Butters: That might be the teacher's penis.
Mr. Stotch: How do you know what your teacher's penis looks like?


"South Park: Tsst (#10.7)" (2006)
Mr. Mackey: Mrs. Cartman, we have had it with your son's behaviour, m'kay? Little Billy Turner is now being treated at the hospital!
Liane Cartman: Eric, why would you do such a thing?
Eric Cartman: [insincere] I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to the school flagpole.
Mr. Mackey: You know that's not the point.
Eric Cartman: [rolls eyes] Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to a flagpole and then gave him a hacksaw. And then told him I had poisoned his lunch milk and that the only way he could get to the antidote in time would be to saw through his leg.
Liane Cartman: Eric, that was very naughty.
Eric Cartman: Well, he called me chubby!