Walter Sobchak
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Quotes for
Walter Sobchak (Character)
from The Big Lebowski (1998)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Big Lebowski (1998)
Walter Sobchak: When we make the handoff, I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! Huh?
The Dude: That's a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.

Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...

The Dude: Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: I told that fuck down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling?
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: Burkhalter.
Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: They already posted it.
Walter Sobchak: Well they can *fucking unpost it*!
The Dude: Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: I'm shomer shabbos.
Donny: What's that?
The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking roll*!
Donny: Sheesh.
Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos!
The Dude: Walter, how am I going to...
Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking shabbos.
The Dude: Oh fuck it. I'm out of here.
Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude...
[rolls his eyes at Donny]
Walter Sobchak: Fucking BABY...
[Donny nods]

Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...
The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' about?
The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.
Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?
The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.
Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...
[shouting]
Walter Sobchak: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'M LIVIN' IN THE FUCKIN' PAST!

Walter Sobchak: [shouted repeatedly while smashing a car with a crow bar]
Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!
[censored version]

The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude: My rug.
Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you...?
The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!
Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug.
Walter Sobchak: Donny you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!

Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

[the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched]
The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude: You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did!
[the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German]
Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you ups.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter.
Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!
Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!
Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!
Walter Sobchak: Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man!
Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back.
[Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]
Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards.
Nihilist: Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck you!

The Dude: Walter, ya know, it's Smokey, so his toe slipped over the line a little, big deal. It's just a game, man.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.
Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.
Smokey: I'm not...
Walter Sobchak: A world of pain.
Smokey: Dude, he's your partner...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!
The Dude: They're calling the cops, put the piece away.
Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero!
[points gun in Smokey's face]
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero!
Smokey: All right, it's fucking zero. Are you happy, you crazy fuck?
Walter Sobchak: ...It's a league game, Smokey.

[when making the payoff]
The Dude: Dude.
Nihilist: [on the phone] Who is this?
The Dude: Dude. The bag man, man. Where do you want us to go?
Nihilist: Us?
The Dude: [to Walter] Shit!
[to Nihilist]
The Dude: Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the driver. I'm not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all at the same time.
Nihilist: Shut the fuck up.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, are you fucking this up?
Nihilist: Who the fuck is that?
The Dude: That is the driver.
[Nihilist hangs up]
The Dude: Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man!
Walter Sobchak: Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call back.

[repeated line]
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh...
Donny: I am the walrus.
The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say...
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch...
The Dude: Oh yeah!
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about, Dude?

The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?

Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Walter Sobchak: Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman.

The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, Dude.

Walter Sobchak: Your wheel! At fifteen m-p-h I roll out! I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi!
The Dude: Uzi?
Walter Sobchak: You didn't think I was rolling out of here naked!

The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.

Walter Sobchak: Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.

The Dude: I mean we totally fucked it up man, we fucked up this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at us, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot but he didn't do anything, huh?
Walter Sobchak: Well, sometimes, it's a cathartic...
The Dude: No, I'm saying, if he knows I'm a fuck-up, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, so then why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!

Walter Sobchak: You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament!
The Dude: Fuck the tournament... Fuck YOU, Walter!
[pause]
Walter Sobchak: Fuck the tournament? All right, I can see you don't want to be cheered up here, Dude. Come on Donny, let's go get us a lane.

Walter Sobchak: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?

Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...
The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.
Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger...
Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...
The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.

Walter Sobchak: I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: What?
Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story?
Donny: I was bowling.
Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
The Dude: (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?
Walter Sobchak: There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...
Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?

Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

Walter Sobchak: The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
Donny: Who's in pajamas Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Walter Sobchak: Now so far, we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.
The Dude: What about the toe?
Walter Sobchak: Forget about the fucking toe!
Coffee Shop Waitress: Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.
Walter Sobchak: Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.

Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No you're not wrong.
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.
Walter Sobchak: Okay then.

Walter Sobchak: Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill shit, they're not gonna do shit. What can they do? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs, and meanwhile, look at the bottom line: Who's sittin' on a million fuckin' dollars? Am I wrong?
The Dude: Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Who's got a fuckin' million fuckin' dollars sittin' in the trunk of our car?
The Dude: Our car, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: And whadda they got? My dirty undies... My fucking whites...
[They walk out of the bowling alley and see the Dude's car gone. The portable phone starts ringing]
Walter Sobchak: Say, dude. Where is your car?
Donny: Who's got your undies, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Where's your car, dude?
The Dude: You don't know, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: [clears throat] It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.
The Dude: You fucking know its been stolen.
Walter Sobchak: Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude.
The Dude: Oh fuck it.
[the Dude starts walking away]
Donny: Where you going, Dude?
The Dude: I'm going home, Donny.
Donny: Phone's ringin', dude.
The Dude: Thank you, Donny.

Walter Sobchak: Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.

Walter Sobchak: That's right, Dude, they peed on your fucking rug.

Walter Sobchak: Also, let's not forget - let's *not* forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.
The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
Walter Sobchak: No, I'm...
The Dude: Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot!

Walter Sobchak: Look at our current situation with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind.

Donny: They posted the next round for the tournament.
Walter Sobchak: Donny, shut the f- when do we play?

Walter Sobchak: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.

The Dude: Just take it easy man.
Walter Sobchak: I'm perfectly calm Dude.
The Dude: [shouting] Yeah, waving the fucking gun around?
Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.
The Dude: Will you just take it easy?
Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.

The Dude: Oh, fuck me, man! That kid already spent all the money, man!
Walter Sobchak: New 'Vette? Hardly, Dude. I'd say he's still got about $960 - $970,000 left, depending on the options.

Walter Sobchak: Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.
Donny: What's wrong with Walter, Dude?

[at the funeral parlor]
Walter Sobchak: GOD DAMN IT! Look, just because we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps!

The Dude: I only said I THOUGHT she kidnapped herself. You're the one who's so fucking certain!
Walter Sobchak: That's right, Dude. 100% certain.

Walter Sobchak: Etz chaim he dude, as the ex used to say.
The Dude: What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck are we gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: Huh?
[blows out a cloud of smoke]
Walter Sobchak: Oh, him! Er...
[mutters incoherently]
Walter Sobchak: What exactly is the problem?
The Dude: Well, the problem is... W-what do you mean "what's the"... umph... Th-there was no... We d- we didn't eh... uhumph... They're gonna kill that poor woman! Man!
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? That poor woman... that poor SLUT kidnapped herself. Come on dude, you said so yourself.
The Dude: Man...! I said I THOUGHT she kidnapped herself... YOU'RE the one who's so fucking certain!
Walter Sobchak: That's right dude. One hundred percent certain.

Walter Sobchak: Now that is just ridiculous, Dude. Nobody is going to cut your dick off. Not if I have anything to say about it.
The Dude: Thank you Walter, that makes me feel very secure, it makes me feel very warm inside.

Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Look, man...
Walter Sobchak: Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Just ask him about the car.
Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Is that your car out front?
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little brat?
Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.
The Dude: And the fucking money.
Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.
Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!

Walter Sobchak: That's not her toe, Dude.
The Dude: Then whose toe is it, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: How the fuck should I know?

Walter Sobchak: You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.
The Dude: Then you know he's got emotional problems, man.
Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?

Walter Sobchak: [looking at his hero writer Digby Sellers in an iron lung] Does he still write?
Pilar, Sellers' Housekeeper: Oh no no, he has health problems.

Walter Sobchak: Fifteen, Dude. This is it. Let's take that hill!

The Dude: Hey, no, come on, Walter. We're ending this thing cheap, man.
Walter Sobchak: No, what's mine is mine.
Nihilist: No funny shtuff.
The Dude: Alright, alright, I've got four dollars, almost five...
Donny: Hey, I got eighteen dollars.
Walter Sobchak: What's mine is mine.
Nihilist: We fuck you ups, man. We takes the money.
Walter Sobchak: Come and get it.

Walter Sobchak: Call the medics, Dude. I'd go myself but I'm pumping blood. Might pass out. Rest easy, good buddy, you're doing fine. We got help choppering in.

[after biting the German's ear off]
Walter Sobchak: Anti-semite!

[repeated line]
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?

Walter Sobchak: The little prick is stonewalling me.

Walter Sobchak: Lady, I got buddies who died face down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this family restaurant!

Walter Sobchak: Nothing is fucked here Dude. Nothing is fucked. They're a bunch of fucking amateurs!
The Dude: Walter, would you just shut the fuck... don't say a peep while I'm doing business here, man!
Walter Sobchak: Okay Dude. Have it your way.
[the Dude answers the phone]
Walter Sobchak: But they're amateurs.

The Big Lebowski: You have your story, I have mine. I say that I entrusted the money to you, and *you* stole it!
Walter Sobchak: As if we would ever *dream* of taking your bullshit money!

Walter Sobchak: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
The Dude: Fuckin' A.
Donny: And this guy peed on it.
Walter Sobchak: Donny, please.

[Throwing the Big Lebowski out of his wheelchair]
Walter Sobchak: Achtung baby!

[Five minutes after pulling a gun on Smokey]
Walter Sobchak: It's all water under the bridge.

Walter Sobchak: [Punching a nihilist] Anti-semite!

The Dude: Would you come off it Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about Dude?
The Dude: You're fucking Polish-Catholic!
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
The Dude: ...And five fucking years ago you were divorced man!
Walter Sobchak: When you get a divorce you get a new license? You turn in your library card? You *stop* being Jewish?

The Dude: He's fragile!
Walter Sobchak: Well, I did not know that.

Brandt: Who is this gentleman, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Who am I? I'm a fucking Veteran, that's who I am!

Walter Sobchak: [author Arthur Sellars is lying quietly in his iron lung] And a good day to you, sir!

Walter Sobchak: [asked to be quiet at the coffee house] Excuse me, dear? The Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!
The Dude: This isn't a First Amendment issue, man.

Walter Sobchak: I'm more Jewish than Tevye!

Walter Sobchak: You're being very undude.

Walter Sobchak: As if we would DREAM of taking your money!

Walter Sobchak: If you will it, it is no dream.

Walter Sobchak: Yeah, the beauty of this is its simplicity. If it gets complex, everything can go wrong.