Quotes for
Maude Lebowski (Character)
from The Big Lebowski (1998)

The Big Lebowski (1998)

Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

[Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude]
Sherry in 'Logjammin': [on video] You must be here to fix the cable.
Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude: He fixes the cable?
Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

The Dude: Also, my rug was stolen.
Younger Cop: The rug was in the car?
The Dude: No. It was here.
Younger Cop: [eager] Oh, separate incidents.
Maude Lebowski: [on answering machine] Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to see you. I'm the one who took your rug.
Younger Cop: Well. I guess we can close the file on that one.

The Dude: Did you ever hear of "The Seattle Seven"?
Maude Lebowski: Mmm.
The Dude: That was me... and six other guys.

Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?

Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
The Dude: I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?
The Dude: You mean coitus?

Maude Lebowski: Uli Kunkol? Her co-star in the beaver picture?
The Dude: Beaver? Uhhhh, you mean vagina...? I mean, you know the guy?
Maude Lebowski: Oh, I might have introduced them for all I know.
[looks at Knox]
Maude Lebowski: You remember Uli?
Knox Harrington: Mmmmm.

Maude Lebowski: My father's weakness is vanity, hence the slut.

Maude Lebowski: Now, what happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn do that as well?
The Dude: Ah, no that was the chief of police of Malibu. A real reactionary.

Maude Lebowski: The story is ludicrous.

The Dude: Uh, and then, uh, the music business, briefly.
Maude Lebowski: Oh?
The Dude: Yeah. Roadie for Metallica
Maude Lebowski: Oh.
The Dude: Speed of Sound Tour
Maude Lebowski: Mm-hmm.
The Dude: Bunch of assholes.

Maude Lebowski: My father and I don't get along, he doesn't approve of my lifestyle and, needless to say, I don't approve of his. Still, I hardly wish to make my father's embezzlement a police matter, so I'm proposing that you try to recover the money from the people you delivered it to.
The Dude: Well, I could do that...
Maude Lebowski: If you successfully do so, I will compensate you to the tune of 10 percent of the recovered sum.
The Dude: [stunned] A hundred...
Maude Lebowski: Thousand, yes bones or clams or whatever you call them.

Maude Lebowski: Jeffrey.
The Dude: ...Maude?
Maude Lebowski: Love me.
The Dude: That's my robe.

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