Gaear Grimsrud
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Quotes for
Gaear Grimsrud (Character)
from Fargo (1996)

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Fargo (1996)
Gaear Grimsrud: You're a smooth smoothie, you know?

Gaear Grimsrud: I need unguent.

Carl Showalter: [entering cabin, with shot-up face] You should see the other guy.
Carl Showalter: [he sees Jean Lundegaard's dead body] What the fuck happened to her?
Gaear Grimsrud: [watching TV and eating TV dinner] Uh, she started shrieking, y'know. She wouldn't stop...
Carl Showalter: Geesus. Well, it doesn't matter. I got the money. All of it. All eighty grand.
Carl Showalter: [he puts a couple stacks of bills down on table] That's forty for you, forty for me.
[Grimsrud pokes at the stacks of bills with his fork]
Carl Showalter: [puts a set of keys next to the money] That's it, then. You can have my truck. Here's the keys. I'm takin' the Ciera.
Gaear Grimsrud: We split that.
Carl Showalter: [pause] How the fuck do you split a fuckin' car, ya dummy? With a fuckin' chainsaw?
Gaear Grimsrud: One of us pays the other for half.
Carl Showalter: Hold on! No fuckin' way! You fuckin' notice this? I got fuckin' shot! I got fuckin' shot in the face! I went and got the fuckin' money. I got shot fuckin' picking it up! I've been up for thirty-six fuckin' hours! I'm taking' that fuckin' car! That fucker's mine, you fuckin' asshole!
[as usual, no response from Grimsrud]
Carl Showalter: You know, I've been listening to your fuckin' bullshit all week! Are we square?
[no response from Grimsrud who continues staring at the TV]
Carl Showalter: [flashing his gun] Are WE square?
[no response]
Carl Showalter: Yeah, ya fuckin' mute. And if you see your friend Shep Proudfoot, tell him I'm gonna nail his fuckin' ass!
[he exits angrily toward the Ciera; after a few seconds, Grimsrud follows him out the door with an axe in hand]
Carl Showalter: [Showalter turns and sees Grimsrud striding toward him, axe raised] Oh no! Aaaaaah!
[Grimsrud brings the axe down toward Carl's neck]

Gaear Grimsrud: Where is pancakes house?
Carl Showalter: What?
Gaear Grimsrud: We stop at pancakes house.
Carl Showalter: What... are you nuts? We had pancakes for breakfast. Gotta go to a place I can get a shot and a beer, steak, maybe, not more fuckin' pancakes, c'mon.
[Gaear just stares at Carl]
Carl Showalter: Oh, come on, man! Okay, here's an idea: we can stop outside of Brainerd. I know a place there we can get laid. Whaddya think?
Gaear Grimsrud: I'm fucking hungry now, you know!
Carl Showalter: Yeah yeah Jesus, I'm sayin' we can... stop, get pancakes and then we'll get laid, alright?
[Gaear glares briefly]

Jerry Lundegaard: You see, my wife's dad is real well off.
Carl Showalter: So, why don't you just ask him for the money?
Gaear Grimsrud: Or your fucking wife, you know.
Carl Showalter: Or your fuckin' wife, Jerry?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, it's all part of... look, the thing is they don't know that I'm in trouble. My wife and father-in-law don't know I need money. And if they did... I still won't get it. Okay? These are personal matters.
Carl Showalter: Personal matters? Okay, you're tasking us to perform this mission, but you won't tell us what... oh, fuck it. Let's have a look at the Ciera.

Carl Showalter: You ever been to Minneapolis?
Gaear Grimsrud: Nope.
Carl Showalter: Would it... kill you to say something?
Gaear Grimsrud: I did.
Carl Showalter: "No." That's the first thing you've said in the last four hours. That's, a fountain of conversation there, buddy. That's a geyser.

[Jean is making noise in the back of the car]
Gaear Grimsrud: Shut the fuck up! Or I'll throw you back in the trunk, you know?
Carl Showalter: Jesus, that's more than I've heard you say all week.

Gaear Grimsrud: [after being bit on the hand by Jean Lindegaard] Unguen... I need Unguen.