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: I was unaware that zombies possessed such acuity so as to set such traps. Before we know it, they'll be running for Parliament.
: The fairest wifely choice is to be right here in this room.
: The crown's funds are being drained. Mr. Darcy
] You're here to solicit money! George Wickham
: I'm here to propose a venture that would end the war forever. These new zombies can be reasoned with. With the proper funding I believe we can cultivate trust and even good will with this new iteration of the undead, who seem to posses an inherent power of the lower ranks of their kind. Lady Catherine de Bourgh
: [starts laughing, not believing
] Zombie aristocrats? Parson Collins
] Oh, really! George Wickham
: I prefer to think of them as souls lost in purgatory. Lady Catherine de Bourgh
] Hmm. George Wickham
: The common hordes look to them for leadership. It takes just one of them to realize that power and then to lead the hordes into battle. Lady Catherine de Bourgh
: The undead are like locusts! Parson Collins
: [still smirking
] Locusts. Lady Catherine de Bourgh
: [now determined
] They go forth and destroy. They have no use for leaders! Parson Collins
: Oh, uh, except one actually. Lady Catherine de Bourgh
] Hmm? Parson Collins
: Oh, well, um, according to the Book of Revelation the antichrist shall lead the undead, uh, on the day that shall be the last day of mankind.
: Oh, fuddle!
: Is there absolutely no negotiation over Jane? Mrs. Bennet
: The early bird catches the worm, Mr. Collins. Parson Collins
: Indeed. Mr. Bennet
: Be mindful of your talent for the delicate compliments, sir.
: She is *almost* as fair as the other one.
: Oh, is there some sort of trouble?
[the sisters draw their swords
] Parson Collins
: Oh, it appears there is.
: I will, of course, require you to retire your warrior skills as part of the marital submission. We absolutely can't have swords in the home.
: Allow me. Gallantry isn't dead.
: Mr. Darcy, I have made the most incredible discovery. Nay, tosh, an extraordinary discovery. Sir, you are the nephew of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Mr. Darcy
: I know.
: Do not worry, Mr. Collins, she shall be brought to reason. Parson Collins
: Oh good! Elizabeth Bennet
: No. Parson Collins
: Oh no.
: It's been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable.
: How happy for you, Mr. Collins, to possess a talent for flattering with such... delicacy. Elizabeth Bennet
: Do these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study? Mr. Collins
: They arise chiefly from what is passing of the time. And though I do sometimes amuse myself with arranging such little elegant compliments, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible. Elizabeth Bennet
: Oh, believe me, no one would suspect your manners to be rehearsed.
: Charlotte, come here. Charlotte Lucas
: Has the pig escaped again?
[looks out window
] Charlotte Lucas
: Oh. It's Lady Catherine.
: ...which are only to be obtained through intercourse...
] Mr. Collins
: Forgive me... through the intercourse of friendship or civility.
: Do not make yourself uneasy, my dear cousin, about your apparel. Charlotte Lucas
: Just put on whatever you bought that's best. Mr. Collins
: Lady Catherine has never been averse to the truly humble.
: Mrs. Bennet I was hoping, if it would not trouble you, that I might solicit a private audience with Miss Elizabeth in the course of the morning. Mrs. Bennet
: Oh, yes. Certainly. Lizzy will be very happy indeed. Everyone, out. Mr. Collins would like a private audience with your sister. Elizabeth Bennet
: No, no, wait, please. I beg you. Mr. Collins can have nothing to say to me that anybody need not hear. Mrs. Bennet
: No nonsense, Lizzy. I desire you will stay where you are. Everyone else to the drawing room. Mr. Bennet? Mr. Bennet
: But... Mrs. Bennet
: Mr. Collins at your service.
: [regarding Lady Catherine
] My small rectory abuts her estate.
: Sir, I am honored by your proposal, but I regret that I must decline it. Mr. Collins
: I know ladies don't seek to seem too eager... Elizabeth Bennet
: Mr Collins, I am perfectly serious. You could not make me happy. And I'm the last woman in the world who could make you happy. Mr. Collins
: I flatter myself that your refusal is merely a natural delicacy. Besides, despite manifold attractions, it is by no means certain another offer of marriage will ever be made to you. I must conclude that you simply seek to increase my love by suspense, according to the usual practice of elegant females. Elizabeth Bennet
: I am not the sort of female to torment a respectable man. Please understand me, I cannot accept you.
: You know what they say. No life without wife.
: Such small caterpillars that turned into beautiful butterflies! And so like you... Madame butterfly
: Elizabeth, we've been commanded to multiply and replenish the Earth!
: I had a kind of... funny... encounter with a girl in this congregation, who will remain anonymous, but for the sake of the story, let's call her... Elizabeth B. No-no, E. Bennett.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh
] I shall say what I have to say, and then I shall leave immediately. First, I made it pellucidly clear to you, Mrs. Bennet, over my salt, that I considered the brothers Collins an excellent match for your daughters. Yet you have done nothing to promote the cause. On the contrary, you have abandoned them to a house run by criminally incompetent servants. Well, what do you have to say for yourself?
] Mrs. Bennet
: I say this. You are a prig, madam, a pander and a common bully. And you cheat at cards. Do you suppose you may enter my house and brandish your hat at me thus? I have a mind to turn you upside down and use you to scrape out Ambrosia's sty. Lady Catherine de Bourgh
] Madam, I take my leave of you. Mrs. Bennet
: Do! Or I shall take you out and set to scraping.
[Jane and Amanda try to stop themselves giggling
] Mrs. Bennet
: Scrape, scrape, scrape I shall go! Mr. Bennet
: Tally ho, wife! Mr Collins
: Mrs. Bennet, you must desist. Jane Bennet
: Oh, be quiet, you silly man. Do you suppose Mama would permit her daughters to be married to your brothers, when before her very eyes is the specimen of you? Amanda Price
: Mrs. Bennet, that was... bloody marvellous. Mrs. Bennet
] It *was* refreshing.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh
: Well? What do you have to say for yourself? Mrs. Bennet
: I say this: You are a prig, Madam. A pander. And a common bully. And you cheat at cards! Do you suppose you may enter my house and brandish your hat at me thus? I have a mind to turn you upside down and use you to scrape out Ambrosia's sty. Lady Catherine de Bourgh
: Madam, I take my leave of you. Mrs. Bennet
: Do! Or I shall take you out and set to scraping! Scrape, scrape, scrape, I shall go! Mr. Bennet
: Tally-ho, wife! Mr. Collins
: Mrs. Bennet, you must desist! Jane Bennet
: Oh be quiet, you silly man. Do you suppose Mama would permit her daughters to be married to your brothers when before her very eyes is the specimen of you?
: Have a care, Dawkins.
: Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself was kind enough to suggest that these shelves be fitted exactly as you see them there. Elizabeth Bennet
: Shelves in the closet. Happy thought indeed.