Gail Hailstorm
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Quotes for
Gail Hailstorm (Character)
from Scary Movie (2000)

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Scary Movie (2000)
[the killer attacks Heather, while Gail watches, recording]
Heather: Gail, please help me! Gail, please!
Gail Hailstorm: I'd like to help you out, kid, but it's sweeps!

Buffy Gilmore: Hey do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?
Brenda: Oh please. The press only wanna interview the most ignorant person they find.
Shorty: [Cut to Gail Haistorm interviewing Shorty about Drew Decker's death]
Shorty: I'm on T.V. Oh shit, first "Cops" now this. I'm gonna be a star, son.
Gail Hailstorm: So how close were you to the victim?
Shorty: Oh real close. Right 'til the roofies wore and she woke up. Then she was all talkin' 'bout pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue outta her ass and left.
Gail Hailstorm: If you could have spoken to her before she died what would your last words to her have been?
Shorty: Run bitch, run!

Gail Hailstorm: Is that drool?
Deputy Doofy: Yeah, I forgot to swallow.
Gail Hailstorm: Don't worry, because I never forget.

Gail Hailstorm: Isn't Cindy Campbell's father a suspect?
Sheriff: That is classified information, where did you get this?
Gail Hailstorm: Sorry, but my information is strictly confidential shit.
[Doofy steps out]
Deputy Doofy: Hi Gail... Gail swallows.

Gail Hailstorm: You don't get it? Well here's what you will get. (Hold up 1 finger)This little piggy went to the market (Hold up middle finger) This little piggy stayed home (points at cameraman) And if this fat little piggy doesn't role the goddamn camera (camera clicks on) - Gail Hailstorm!

Gail Hailstorm: Cindy, Cindy your ass looks fat!
[Cindy slaps Gail Hailstorm]

Gail Hailstorm: Kenny, I know you're probably crappin' in a bag right now, but when I say 'quick', I want you to interpret that to mean 'move your plasma packin', I.V. draggin', bed-sore havin' fat ass... NOW!

Gail Hailstorm: What can you tell us about the victim?
Shorty: Well, she had a phat ass! It was like BANG!

Gail Hailstorm: I'm going to try and get a glimpse of Cindy Campbell, the young girl who was attacked earlier this evening... You're on my foot, fat shit!
Cameraman Kenny: Sorry, G...
Gail Hailstorm: What did I say?
Cameraman Kenny: Don't ever step on Gail's shoes.
Gail Hailstorm: Why not?
Cameraman Kenny: Because Gail wears Prada shoes.
Gail Hailstorm: You idiot.
Cameraman Kenny: I'm a bad man.

Gail Hailstorm: Chubzilla! Listen up!

Gail Hailstorm: [TV version] Cindy! Cindy! Your butt looks FAT!

Gail Hailstorm: I'm Gail Hailstorm, author of "You're Dead, I'm Rich".

Gail Hailstorm: [while running away from the killer] Kenny! Move your fatass!

Gail Hailstorm: Heather, has it ever crossed your little mind that your boyfriend was probably murdered, and you're about to be slaughtered next?
Heather: Really? No Way!
Gail Hailstorm: Way.