Shorty Meeks
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Quotes for
Shorty Meeks (Character)
from Scary Movie (2000)

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Scary Movie 2 (2001)
Dwight Hartman: Heh-hey! Hey there little guy, how are you doing?
Little Bird: Fuck off, four eyes.
Dwight Hartman: H... h... I beg your pardon?
Little Bird: I said: "Fuck off... four eyes"
Dwight Hartman: You know, I oughta kick your ass!
Shorty Meeks: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Relax, son, it's just a bird. Hi little birdy... Polly want a cracker?
Little Bird: Polly want your momma's sweet ass.
Shorty Meeks: ...what did Polly say to me?
Little Bird: I said: "Polly wants your momma's... sweet ass".
Shorty Meeks: You don't be talking 'bout my momma son, you don't know my momma son!
Little Bird: Yeah, I know your momma, I fucked her last night.
Shorty Meeks: You want beef? I'll fuck you up!
Little Bird: Ooooh! I'm shaking, I'm shaking.
Shorty Meeks: Aw no fuck this, I'm handling this shit like a gentleman, ya'll. Hold my tooth son.
Little Bird: Yeah come on bitch, you and that Kotter's hairstyle wanna piece of me? Come on, bring it on!
Shorty Meeks: What you hardcore? Gimme somethin'!
Little Bird: Lemme outta here, come on pussy. Lemme outta here, I'll fuck you up!

Shorty Meeks: Woooooh!
Cindy Campbell: Oh, Shorty!
Shorty Meeks: Cindy!
Cindy Campbell: There's a monster chasing me, what are we gonna do?
Shorty Meeks: Eeeh, eeh... I got it!
[Shoves Cindy out of the room and locks the door]

Dwight Hartman: Let's split up.
Brenda Meeks: Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UH! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary shit happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"?
Theo: She's right, we should stick together.
Dwight Hartman: She's right. Okay.
[pointing to the white people in the group]
Dwight Hartman: You three, follow me!
[the three black people are left alone]
Shorty Meeks: Ain't that a bitch.
[the three of them begin to cry]
Brenda Meeks: We gonna die, y'all.

Shorty Meeks: No. I need a place to stay. Momma Dukes kicked me out.

Shorty Meeks: Yeah.
Shorty Meeks: [Rips out a page from his history book]
Shorty Meeks: Free papers.
Shorty Meeks: [laughs loudly and irritatingly and rolls a joint with the page]

Buddy: I heard Dwight tell the professor that there could be a poltergeist in the house and that we could all be in danger!
Shorty Meeks: Aww, naaaaw son! NOT A POLTERGEIST! What's a poltergeist?

Shorty Meeks: [while being rolled up like a joint by a weed tree] I'll NEVER smoke you again.

Shorty Meeks: Toke! Toke! Take it to the head! Take it to the head!

Hanson: Ah, it's Cindy. Say "Helloo" to Cindy, Shorty.
Shorty Meeks: Helloo... Cindy.
[Cindy looks at the bottles on the table]
Cindy Campbell: Oh, God. Morphine, chloroform, horse tranquilizers! You drugged him!
Hanson: I did not! That's all his stuff!

Shorty Meeks: Aww, we dealing wit a poltergeist!


Scary Movie (2000)
Brenda: Shorty, what are you doing driving? I know you ain't got no papers.
Shorty: I got papers, blunts, blongs, blokes, anything to make a high nigga pie!

Buffy Gilmore: Hey do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?
Brenda: Oh please. The press only wanna interview the most ignorant person they find.
Shorty: [Cut to Gail Haistorm interviewing Shorty about Drew Decker's death]
Shorty: I'm on T.V. Oh shit, first "Cops" now this. I'm gonna be a star, son.
Gail Hailstorm: So how close were you to the victim?
Shorty: Oh real close. Right 'til the roofies wore and she woke up. Then she was all talkin' 'bout pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue outta her ass and left.
Gail Hailstorm: If you could have spoken to her before she died what would your last words to her have been?
Shorty: Run bitch, run!

Shorty: Theres blood, guts and asses everywhere, someone's gone all crazy, son!
Bobby: We all go a little crazy sometimes.
[Bobby shoots Shorty in the chest]
Cindy Campbell: Bobby, no!
Shorty: [Lying on the ground] Oh, Cindy he got me in the lung.
[Smoke is coming out of the wound]
Shorty: Wanna hit this shit?

The Killer: [rapping] I'm gonna slash and gash, cut another hole in your ass. I spill blood on the walls, then play tennis with your balls. If the phone rings, don't answer the call. Gonna slit your throat, fuck you like a goat, peel your foreskin off and make a winter coat. Peace!
[camera pulls back to reveal all of Shorty's friends dead]
Shorty: Yo! That was the illest rhyme I ever seen!

Gail Hailstorm: What can you tell us about the victim?
Shorty: Well, she had a phat ass! It was like BANG!

Shorty: Yo, man. It's like I seen all this shit before.
Cindy Campbell: They had a killer at you high school, Shorty?
Shorty: No, it was in that movie- Scream. Same dialogue everything. That shit is ill!

Brenda: Shorty, why you have to be so loud? And make sure you take your behind to class this time.
Shorty: I do be going to class.
Brenda: Lunch is not a class, Shorty.
Shorty: It is when you got the munchies!
Brenda: You a dumbass.
Shorty: Your Mother.
Brenda: You my Brother, that makes her your Mother too, jackass!
Shorty: Oh, well then your Father's stupid.
Brenda: So? I don't know him.
Shorty: Yeah, me either.

Shorty: [answers phone] Yo.
Shorty's Roomate: Hello, Shorty. What are you doing?
Shorty: Nothin. Just watching the game. Smokin some bud.
Shorty's Roomate: Are you all alone?
Shorty: [to roommate] Yo, pick up the phone!
The Killer: [sticking out tongue] WAZZZZUPPP!
Shorty: WAZZZUP!
[killer looks at phone]
Shorty: Yo, Dookie! Pick up the phone!
Dookie: Yo.
Shorty's Roomate: WAZZZZUP!
Shorty, Shorty's Roomate, The Killer, Dookie: WAZZZZZUPPP!
[Dookie and roommate hang up]
Shorty: What you doin my son?
Shorty's Roomate: Nothing. Just chillin. Killin.
Shorty: True.