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: Heh-hey! Hey there little guy, how are you doing? Little Bird
: Fuck off, four eyes. Dwight Hartman
: H... h... I beg your pardon? Little Bird
: I said: "Fuck off... four eyes" Dwight Hartman
: You know, I oughta kick your ass! Shorty Meeks
: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Relax, son, it's just a bird. Hi little birdy... Polly want a cracker? Little Bird
: Polly want your momma's sweet ass. Shorty Meeks
: ...what did Polly say to me? Little Bird
: I said: "Polly wants your momma's... sweet ass". Shorty Meeks
: You don't be talking 'bout my momma son, you don't know my momma son! Little Bird
: Yeah, I know your momma, I fucked her last night. Shorty Meeks
: You want beef? I'll fuck you up! Little Bird
: Ooooh! I'm shaking, I'm shaking. Shorty Meeks
: Aw no fuck this, I'm handling this shit like a gentleman, ya'll. Hold my tooth son. Little Bird
: Yeah come on bitch, you and that Kotter's hairstyle wanna piece of me? Come on, bring it on! Shorty Meeks
: What you hardcore? Gimme somethin'! Little Bird
: Lemme outta here, come on pussy. Lemme outta here, I'll fuck you up!
: Woooooh! Cindy Campbell
: Oh, Shorty! Shorty Meeks
: Cindy! Cindy Campbell
: There's a monster chasing me, what are we gonna do? Shorty Meeks
: Eeeh, eeh... I got it!
[Shoves Cindy out of the room and locks the door
: Let's split up. Brenda Meeks
: Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UH! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary shit happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"? Theo
: She's right, we should stick together. Dwight Hartman
: She's right. Okay.
[pointing to the white people in the group
] Dwight Hartman
: You three, follow me!
[the three black people are left alone
] Shorty Meeks
: Ain't that a bitch.
[the three of them begin to cry
] Brenda Meeks
: We gonna die, y'all.
: No. I need a place to stay. Momma Dukes kicked me out.
: Yeah. Shorty Meeks
: [Rips out a page from his history book
] Shorty Meeks
: Free papers. Shorty Meeks
: [laughs loudly and irritatingly and rolls a joint with the page
: I heard Dwight tell the professor that there could be a poltergeist in the house and that we could all be in danger! Shorty Meeks
: Aww, naaaaw son! NOT A POLTERGEIST! What's a poltergeist?
: [while being rolled up like a joint by a weed tree
] I'll NEVER smoke you again.
: Toke! Toke! Take it to the head! Take it to the head!
: Ah, it's Cindy. Say "Helloo" to Cindy, Shorty. Shorty Meeks
: Helloo... Cindy.
[Cindy looks at the bottles on the table
] Cindy Campbell
: Oh, God. Morphine, chloroform, horse tranquilizers! You drugged him! Hanson
: I did not! That's all his stuff!
: Aww, we dealing wit a poltergeist!
: Shorty, what are you doing driving? I know you ain't got no papers. Shorty
: I got papers, blunts, blongs, blokes, anything to make a high nigga pie!
: Hey do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us? Brenda
: Oh please. The press only wanna interview the most ignorant person they find. Shorty
: [Cut to Gail Haistorm interviewing Shorty about Drew Decker's death
: I'm on T.V. Oh shit, first "Cops" now this. I'm gonna be a star, son. Gail Hailstorm
: So how close were you to the victim? Shorty
: Oh real close. Right 'til the roofies wore and she woke up. Then she was all talkin' 'bout pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue outta her ass and left. Gail Hailstorm
: If you could have spoken to her before she died what would your last words to her have been? Shorty
: Run bitch, run!
: Theres blood, guts and asses everywhere, someone's gone all crazy, son! Bobby
: We all go a little crazy sometimes.
[Bobby shoots Shorty in the chest
] Cindy Campbell
: Bobby, no! Shorty
: [Lying on the ground
] Oh, Cindy he got me in the lung.
[Smoke is coming out of the wound
: Wanna hit this shit?
] I'm gonna slash and gash, cut another hole in your ass. I spill blood on the walls, then play tennis with your balls. If the phone rings, don't answer the call. Gonna slit your throat, fuck you like a goat, peel your foreskin off and make a winter coat. Peace!
[camera pulls back to reveal all of Shorty's friends dead
: Yo! That was the illest rhyme I ever seen!
: What can you tell us about the victim? Shorty
: Well, she had a phat ass! It was like BANG!
: Yo, man. It's like I seen all this shit before. Cindy Campbell
: They had a killer at you high school, Shorty? Shorty
: No, it was in that movie- Scream. Same dialogue everything. That shit is ill!
: Shorty, why you have to be so loud? And make sure you take your behind to class this time. Shorty
: I do be going to class. Brenda
: Lunch is not a class, Shorty. Shorty
: It is when you got the munchies! Brenda
: You a dumbass. Shorty
: Your Mother. Brenda
: You my Brother, that makes her your Mother too, jackass! Shorty
: Oh, well then your Father's stupid. Brenda
: So? I don't know him. Shorty
: Yeah, me either.
: [answers phone
] Yo. Shorty's Roomate
: Hello, Shorty. What are you doing? Shorty
: Nothin. Just watching the game. Smokin some bud. Shorty's Roomate
: Are you all alone? Shorty
: [to roommate
] Yo, pick up the phone! The Killer
: [sticking out tongue
] WAZZZZUPPP! Shorty
[killer looks at phone
: Yo, Dookie! Pick up the phone! Dookie
: Yo. Shorty's Roomate
: WAZZZZUP! Shorty
, Shorty's Roomate
, The Killer
[Dookie and roommate hang up
: What you doin my son? Shorty's Roomate
: Nothing. Just chillin. Killin. Shorty