President Baxter Harris
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Quotes for
President Baxter Harris (Character)
from Scary Movie 3 (2003)

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Scary Movie 3 (2003)
President Harris: You're excited? You should feel my nipples.

President Harris: I just want to tell you both good luck, we're all counting on you.

John Wilson: Sir, I think you should go on the tv and tell everyone there is no such things as UFO's.
President Harris: Don't spell in front of me damn it.

Mahalik: [to the Aliens] So, if they're friendly, then how come they choke us a few minutes ago?
Alien #1: Oh, that's how we say hello.
George: Then how do you say good-bye?
[the Alien kicks him in the crotch]
George: Oooh... I had to ask...
Alien #1: If you think that's unusual, then you should see how we pee.
[he starts peeing out of his finger]
President Harris: Oooooh, we are not so much different after all...
[the President starts peeing out of his finger also]

President Harris: Get me the President.
John Wilson: You are the President.
President Harris: Good. Then I already know about this. Let's order lunch.

[flying saucers appear in the sky]
President Harris: Ah, good. The Air Force is here with those new round planes.
Secret Serviceman Jones: We don't have round planes, sir.

U-God: You stepped on my shoe, bitch!
Redman: Man, call me a bitch again and I'll park your truck - dead in yo ass.
Macy Gray: DAMN, HOMEY!
CJ: Hey yo, they comin! Over here!
RZA: If I was you, son, I'd bust this shit right now.
Method Man: Ya Momma!
U-God: I got your number, too, homey.
Master P: He ain't gonna bust nuthin. I got nuts bigger than him.
RZA: Oh, yeah, I'll roll up on you too - country ass maple syrup eatin' nigga.
Master P: Ya'll want some biscuits? You want some biscuits?
[Macy Gray kills everybody, including herself, with a bazooka]
President Harris: These men died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and hos.

President Harris: [looks at portrait of Harrison Ford] I wonder what President Ford would have done.

George: Family, that's just what I've been running away from
President Harris: Well, that's because you're an idiot.

Agent Thompson: Sir! Step away from the window!
President Harris: [looks down] What? Did I forget to put my pants on again?

[President Harris grabs a kid with braces]
President Harris: Good God, the small ones have metal teeth! Jerry's Kids, my ass.
[headbutts the kid]

President Harris: [Agent Thompson is listening to his earphone] What is it?
Agent Thompson: It's some old Tupac, sir.
President Harris: [Listening to the earphone] "All eyez on me." Hey, this shit is bangin'.

President Harris: These men died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and hos.

Scary Movie 4 (2006)
President Harris: [farts] There goes that duck again.

President Harris: [to the U.N] So, an Indian, a Frenchman, and the Pope are all on a plane. The pilot says, "Hey, are any of you not circumcised?" So the Pope lifts up his robe and says, "Shut up, stupid! You don't even speak English!" The Israeli asks the Japanese guy to open his eyes, but the Japanese man says, "I'm not squinting you crazy Jew, you're the one who sold me these cheap glasses!" What's the difference between a Belgian and a lump of dog shit? The Belgian drinks wine, but the dog shit smells good.

President Harris: I'm here today at the...
[looks at the U.N emblem]
President Harris: ... un.

Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, the country is under attack by aliens.
President Harris: I'll deal with that later. Right now I want to find out what happens to the duck.
Secret Service Agent: More people will die!
President Harris: The people will die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting chance.
Secret Service Agent: Sir, I've read the book. The duck dies!
[the President spits milk all over the elementary school kids]
President Harris: Good God! That's horrible!

Harper: Sir, you're naked too!
President Harris: I am? I thought this was a wrinkly leather coat!
[points to his nipples]
President Harris: Then these aren't buttons?
Harper: No.
President Harris: And I've been pulling this thing up and down as if it was a zipper!

President Harris: I just don't get kids. Remind me to sign that abortion bill.