Helen Lovejoy
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Quotes for
Helen Lovejoy (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

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"The Simpsons: Marge in Chains (#4.21)" (1993)
Helen Lovejoy: From now on, I'll use my gossip for good instead of evil.

"The Simpsons: What Animated Women Want (#24.17)" (2013)
Homer Simpson: [Finds Helen Lovejoy at a sex shop] The minister's wife? What are you doing here?
Helen Lovejoy: Uh, protesting.
Reverend Lovejoy: [Comes out of a dressing room wearing bondage wear] Is this domineering enough for you?
Helen Lovejoy: Go back to the cowboy thing and wait in the car.
Reverend Lovejoy: Help me out here, Homer.
[Homer laughs uneasily and walks away]

The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Helen Lovejoy: [having a "Book Club" with women] Okay, let's discuss "Tuesdays with Morrie."
Cookie Kwan: Again? If we don't get a new book, I'm gonna puke.
Lindsey Naegle: You're the five people I'm going to meet in hell!
[throws a book at Helen, barely missing her, ending up going through the window instead]

"The Simpsons: Much Apu About Nothing (#7.23)" (1996)
Homer: Down with taxes! Down with taxes!
Helen Lovejoy: Will someone please think of the children?

"The Simpsons: Marge Gamer (#18.17)" (2007)
Helen Lovejoy: You are so blind, even Jesus couldn't heal you.
Reverend Lovejoy: Helen, please. Don't drop the J-bomb.

"The Simpsons: Pulpit Friction (#24.18)" (2013)
Helen Lovejoy: Won't somebody please blame the children!

"The Simpsons: A Streetcar Named Marge (#4.2)" (1992)
Helen: My name is Helen Lovejoy and I'll be playing Stella.
Apu: I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I play Steve.
Otto: My name is Otto. I'm playing Pablo.
Lionel Hutz: Lionel Hutz, Attorney at Law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch.
Marge: I'm Marge Simpson, I'll be playing Blanche. I made some peanut butter brownies for everyone.
[Sinclair takes one and eats it]
Sinclair: Well, would anyone else like a bite of banality?
Chief Wiggum: I would.

"The Simpsons: White Christmas Blues (#25.8)" (2013)
Reverend Lovejoy: All these people are going to listen to my sermon.
Helen Lovejoy: Did Saint John worry about the crowd?
Reverend Lovejoy: He wrote letters! Any fool can write letters!

"The Simpsons: Itchy and Scratchy and Marge (#2.9)" (1990)
Helen Lovejoy: [about Michelangelo's statue of David] It's filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body, which, practical as they may be, are evil!