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Quotes for
Miss Hoover (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

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"The Simpsons: Lisa the Greek (#3.14)" (1992)
Ralph: [giving report] ... and when the Doctor told me I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life.
Miss Hoover: Thank you, Ralph, very graphic.

Lisa: [reading her essay] "The happiest day of my life was three Sundays ago. I was sitting on my Daddy's knee when the Saints, who were four and a half point favorites but only up by three, kicked a meaningless field goal at the last second to cover the spread."
Miss Hoover: [shocked] Dear God!

"The Simpsons: Marge vs. the Monorail (#4.12)" (1993)
[about the $3 million fined from Mr. Burns]
Lisa Simpson: Oh, what a boon it could be for our underfunded public schools.
[in Lisa's fantasy]
Miss Hoover: Children, it's time for your history lesson. Put on your virtual reality helmets.
[the children do]
Genghis Khan: Hmm, excellent... hello, Lisa! I'm Genghis Khan! You'll go where I go, defile what I defile, eat who I eat!

Lyle Lanely: [begins to chant rhythmically] Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bona-fide, electrified, six-car monorail! What'd I say?
[points at Ned Flanders]
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanely: What's it called?
Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier: Monorail.
Lyle Lanely: That's right, monorail!
[runs up to the stage, the crowd begins chanting]
Crowd: Monorail. Monorail. Monorail.
[continues underneath those who speak]
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lyle Lanely: [playing the piano on stage] It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanely: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney Gumble: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanely: You'll be given cushy jobs.
Grampa Simpson: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanely: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanely: Take my pen knife, my good man. I swear, it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
Crowd: [singing] Monorail...
Lyle Lanely: [speaking] What's it called?
Crowd: [singing] Monorail...
Lyle Lanely: Once again!
Crowd: [still singing] Monoraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail!

"The Simpsons: I Love Lisa (#4.15)" (1993)
Elizabeth Hoover: Do you want to play John Wilkes Booth, or do you want to act like a maniac?
Bart: I'll be good.

"The Simpsons: Secrets of a Successful Marriage (#5.22)" (1994)
Homer: [Running a red light and speeding into the middle of a busy intersection] It's okay! I'm a teacher!
Miss Hoover: I didn't know we could do that!
[Hits her gas and speeds through the intersection, running a red light herself]

"The Simpsons: The Principal and the Pauper (#9.2)" (1997)
Miss Hoover: [to Lisa, who doesn't mind working on a school project with Ralph Wiggum] It's your funeral.

"The Simpsons: The Good, the Sad and the Drugly (#20.17)" (2009)
Miss Hoover: And now Ralph Wiggum will read his essay, "Springfield in 50 Years".
Ralph Wiggum: [clears throat] In 50 years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
Miss Hoover: Next we have Lisa Simpson.
Lisa Simpson: Oh, Ralph, how I envy your optimism. There is no Springfield 50 years in the future! With global warning trapping CO2 in our poisonous atmosphere, our superheated oceans will rise, drowning our lowlands, leveling what's left of humanity baking in deserts that once fed the world!
Lisa Simpson: And in the new Nineveh, darkness falls.

"The Simpsons: Separate Vocations (#3.18)" (1992)
Janey: Well, that was a waste of time.
Lisa: Janey, school is never a waste of time.
Elizabeth Hoover: Class, since we have fifteen minutes until recess, please put your pencils down and stare at the front of the room.

"The Simpsons: Mathlete's Feat (#26.22)" (2015)
Miss Hoover: The teacher's union will not stand for this.
Principal Skinner: It'll mean less work for you.
Miss Hoover: Really? I didn't think I could do less work.

"The Simpsons: Bart the Lover (#3.16)" (1992)
Elizabeth Hoover: I fail to see the educational value of this assembly.
Mrs. Krabappel: Ah, it will be one of their few pleasant memories when they're pumping gas for a living.

"The Simpsons: Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh (#20.19)" (2009)
Miss Hoover: Three, two, one. Okay children, I've just been granted tenure, so Im gonna sit back and let Ralph teach for a while.
Ralph Wiggum: Class in what year was one plus one. The answer is The amazing Ralph!
[Jumps out window]

"The Simpsons: Stealing First Base (#21.15)" (2010)
Miss Hoover: There was a mix up with your tests. You actually got an A triple-plus. The F belonged to Ralph.
Ralph Wiggum: I cheated wrong. I copied the Lisa name and used the Ralph answers.

"The Simpsons: Lisa's Wedding (#6.19)" (1995)
Principal Skinner: We've just been invited to the wedding of the only one of our students to read at an adult level!
Ms. Hoover: Hmm, it must be Lisa Simpson. Because of course Martin Prince perished in that science fair explosion.
[Pan down to the basement, where a disfigured Martin is seated at an organ, a la "The Phantom of the Opera."]
Martin Prince: Not quite perished, my lady love. Although some days I wish I had.
[plays "A Fifth of Beethoven" on the organ]