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Quotes for
Rainier Wolfcastle (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

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"The Simpsons: The Bart Wants What It Wants (#13.11)" (2002)
Rainer Wolfcastle: [Commando (1985) reference] Remember when I said I'd eat you last? I lied.

Rainer Wolfcastle: [to piece of pie] You remember when I said I'll eat you last? I lied.

Rainer Wolfcastle: Remember when I said I'd eat you last? I lied.

"The Simpsons: A Star Is Burns (#6.18)" (1995)
Marge: Well, it was a lovely festival. The best movie won, and Mr. Burns found there are some awards that can't be bought.
Rainer Wolfcastle: ["Six months later"] And the Oscar goes to...
Montgomery Burns: Oh, I've got to win this one! I bribed everyone in Hollywood.
Rainer Wolfcastle: ...George C. Scott in "Man Getting Hit By Football".
[everyone applauds; Burns steams]
Rainer Wolfcastle: [a screen shows George C. Scott standing there and a football hitting him in the groin]
George C. Scott: [doubling over] Aargh! My groin.

Jay Sherman: Hey, McBain. Your shoe's untied.
Rainer Wolfcastle: [after many hours pass] Upon closer inspection, these appear to be loafers.

"The Simpsons: Homerazzi (#18.16)" (2007)
Rainer Wolfcastle: Time to squash that shutterbug.
Maria Quimby: You promised me you wouldn't swear revenge on our wedding day.
Rainer Wolfcastle: Promise revoked.

Rainer Wolfcastle: With Homer Simpson out of the way, we celebrities can go back to our lives of sybaritic excess.
Waitress: Stem cell fajita?
Rainer Wolfcastle: Leave the tray.

"The Simpsons: Radioactive Man (#7.2)" (1995)
Rainer Wolfcastle: Up and at them.
Dialogue coach: No, "Up and atom".
Rainer Wolfcastle: Up and at them.
Dialogue coach: Up and *atom*.
Rainer Wolfcastle: Up and at them.
Dialogue coach: [frustrated] Better.

Rainer Wolfcastle: My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

"The Simpsons: The Boy Who Knew Too Much (#5.20)" (1994)
Bart: Hey McBain! I'm a big fan but your last movie really sucked.
Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: I know. There were script problems from day one.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah I'll say. MAGIC TICKET MY ASS MCBAIN!
Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Maria! My mighty heart is breaking. I'll be in the Humvee.

"The Simpsons: King of the Hill (#9.23)" (1998)
Ranier Wolfcastle: Mcbain to base, under attack by commie-nazis.

"The Simpsons: The Way We Was (#2.12)" (1991)
[the Simpsons are watching 'Yakkin' About Movies' a film review show hosted by a duo of film critics, one bald, the other fat and bespectacled]
Bald Critic: Our next movie is 'McBain', another shoot-em-up, push-em-through-the-plate-glass-window splatterfest from the Hollywood cookie cutter. Here's a typically brainless scene.
[an excerpt from 'McBain' plays]
Police Captain: Senator Mendoza is one of the most respected citizens in this state, McBain. And yet, you ran his limo off a cliff, broke the necks of three of his bodyguards and drove a bus through his front door?
McBain: [thick Germanic accent] But Captain, I have proof that he's head of an international drug cartel!
Police Captain: I don't want to hear about it, McBain! You're outta here!
[the gigantic, musclebound McBain turns, then punches the captain with a huge fist, sending flying him through the window and falling multiple storeys into a fountain below]
McBain: That makes two of us.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XX (#21.4)" (2009)
Rainier Wolfcastle: Come with me if you want to live.
[He is attacked by munchers]
Homer Simpson: Another politician who can't keep his promises.

"The Simpsons: Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? (#2.15)" (1991)
McBain Girl: [McBain has just shot up everyone in a meeting] Well, you certainly broke up that meeting!
Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Right now, I'm thinking of starting another meeting. In bed!
[they kiss]

"The Simpsons: Bart Star (#9.6)" (1997)
Ranier Wolfcastle: [to Uter] What's the matter? You can't do one sit-up?
Uter: I loved your last movie, Mr. Wolfcastle.
Ranier Wolfcastle: Quit stalling, fatty!