Quotes for
Fat Tony (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

"The Simpsons: Bart the Murderer (#3.4)" (1991)

[watching his first Itchy & Scratchy cartoon]
Fat Tony: It's funny because it's true.

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no.

Fat Tony: Hey Bart, I hope there are no hard feelings.
Bart: Get bent.
Fat Tony: I deserved that.

Fat Tony: Hey, pick a horse, kid. 3rd race, give it a good one.
Bart: Eat my shorts.
Fat Tony: Eat My Shorts. Let see... Hey, wait a minute you little punk! Eat My Shorts is in the 5th Race, I said the 3rd race!
Bart: Don't have a cow.
Fat Tony: Don't Have A Cow in the 3rd.

Fat Tony: What's a murder?

Bart: Did you kill my principal?
Fat Tony: Uh, chinese guy with a moustache?

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"The Simpsons: Homie the Clown (#6.15)" (1995)

[gunshot, Flanders is knocked down]
Ned Flanders: Whew, good thing I always keep a Bible next to my...
[second gunshot, Flanders is knocked down again]
Ned Flanders: Whew, luckily I was wearing an extra large piece of the True Cross today. I think I'll go inside.
[as he runs off, a third gunshot spins the head of Homer's pickaxe]
Homer: What keeps doing that?
Fat Tony: I told you we should have bought more than three bullets.

Louie: It's him all right. Should I shoot him gangland style or execution style?
Fat Tony: Listen to your heart.

[after Louie empties a rifle at Homer, but misses]
Fat Tony: We need more ammo, let's go to Big Five.

Homer: But wait. You can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him. I'm Homer Simpson.
Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?
Homer: Uh... actually my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumble.
Legs: The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?
Homer: Uh... actually my real name is uh... think Krusty, think... Joe Valachi!
Louie: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about organized crime?
Homer: Benedict Arnold!
Legs: The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?
Homer: D'oh!

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"The Simpsons: Moe Baby Blues (#14.22)" (2003)

Fat Tony: I haven't cried like this since I paid to see Godfather III.

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The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Chief Wiggum: [sees Fat Tony and his mobsters dragging a body wrapped in a sheet to the lake] Uh sorry, sorry, no dumping in the lake!
Fat Tony: Fine, I will put my *yard trimmings* in a car compactor.
[he and the mobsters walk off with the body]
Lou: Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.
Chief Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. You gotta learn to listen, Lou.

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"The Simpsons: The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer (#18.1)" (2006)

Fat Tony: [Bart, Lisa, and others are waiting for their car pool. Fat Tony drives up to them] We are going for a ride!
group of kids: [gasp]
Fat Tony: And by that I mean the carpool!
group of kids: [relax]
Fat Tony: Now who's ready to sleep with da fishes?
[children gasp]
Fat Tony: ...because I brought this Finding Nemo comforter!

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