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[Otto needs to retake his driving test
: I know you can do it, Otto. You're the coolest adult I know. Otto
: Wow. I've never been referred to as an adult before. I've been tried as one.
: [Otto walks into the DMV and meets Patty, who holds a green pen in her right hand, and a red pen in the left
] Hello, my name's Patty. I'll be testing you. When you do well, I use the green pen. When you do bad, I use the red pen. Any questions? Otto
: Yeah, one: Have you always been a chick? I mean, I don't want to offend you, but, you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me, I'm open minded. Patty
: [Drops green pen
] I won't be needing this!
: Well, if it isn't Wee Willie Wash-out. Otto
: I want to take the test again. Patty
: Why? Otto
: So I can staple my license to Homer Simpson's big, bald head! Patty
: That guy has gotta go! Marge
: Hmm, I know how you feel. But he is good with the kids.
[pan upward to Lisa's room, where Otto is telling her a bedtime story by candlelight
: So the lady drove faster, but the strange car kept banging into her from behind...
: So she swerved off the road into the woods, and lost the other car. And then, she realized that the man in the other car wasn't trying to hurt her. No, he was trying to warn her... about the ax-wielding maniac hiding in her back seat! Lisa Simpson
: Did the maniac kill her? Otto
: Natch! And you know how I know? Lisa Simpson
: How? Otto
: Because... *I* was that maniac.
[Lisa's scream shakes the whole house
] I was just kidding!
: [preparing for his driving test
] Alcohol increases your capability to drive... Otto
: [checks the answer
] False? Oh, man!
: There's plenty of opportunities out there for someone who knows how to fake his own death! Marge
: Well before you do that why don't you try and get your license back? Otto
: I tried! Oh how I did try.
: You got anything written from the vampire's point of view?
: [to Otto, who's using the bathroom in Homer and Marge's bedroom
] Open up! Open up! I've gotta' go and no foolin!' Otto
: [Otto comes out the bathroom
] Hey, Poppin' Fresh.
[Otto pokes Homer in the stomach like he were the Pillsbury Doughboy
: You're supposed to giggle.
[Homer growls angrily
: [both stoned; watching "The Three Stooges"
] Hey, "Shemp" spelled backwards is "Hemp"!
] Homer Simpson
: And Otto spelled backwards is "Otto"!
] Otto Mann
: Now I'm scared.
: They call 'em "fingers," but I never see 'em fing. Oh wait, there they go.
: Real songs are about deals with the devil, far-off lands, and where you'd find smoke in relation to water.
: Otto, Bart won't give me a seat. Otto Mann
: You know I could deal with your problem or I could rock out, but I cannot do both.
: My name is Helen Lovejoy and I'll be playing Stella. Apu
: I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. I play Steve. Otto
: My name is Otto. I'm playing Pablo. Lionel Hutz
: Lionel Hutz, Attorney at Law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch. Marge
: I'm Marge Simpson, I'll be playing Blanche. I made some peanut butter brownies for everyone.
[Sinclair takes one and eats it
: Well, would anyone else like a bite of banality? Chief Wiggum
: I would.
: [to the cast
] Perhaps we are all a little mad, we who don the cap a bells and tread beneath the proscenium arch. But tonight, you will all be transformed from dead-eyed suburbanites into white-hot grease fires of pure entertainment!
] Llewellyn Sinclair
: Except you. You're not working out, I'll be playing your part. Otto
[off the coast of Ape Island, hearing the natives chant, "Homer, Homer, Homer"
: Hey, who's this Homer dude? Mr. Burns
: He's either a 50-foot prehistoric ape, or a tourist trap concocted by the Ape Island jaycees. Either way, we're going ashore.
: [Before being beheaded
] I told you I was a dude!
[responding to sign on Stoner's Pot Place
: That is flagrant false advertising.
: Ultimate punching? Ultimate makes everything worse! Otto Mann
: Not frisbee. Marge Simpson
: Otto, don't you have a sack to hackey? Otto Mann
: Indeed I do! One... Aw, I messed up. One... Aw, I messed up. One... Aw, I messed up.
: [sees the gremlin eating away at the school bus
] Otto, you've got to do something. There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
[Otto looks out the window. Alongside the bus is an AMC Gremlin being driven by Hans Moleman
: No problem-o, Bart dude. I'll get rid of it.
[runs Moleman off the road
] Hans Moleman
: No! Oh, no. I just made my last payment.
[the car comes to a stop, tapping lightly against a tree. Hans sighs in relief, before the car explodes
Milhouse van Houten
: Principal Skinner, why did we have to leave the Touch and Learn Reptile House so early? Principal Seymour Skinner
: Well, it seems someone was riding the giant tortoise naked. Otto
: It's not my fault. The drinking fountain dared me to do it.
Comic Book Guy
: Egad! A maniac cutting a swath of destruction! This is a job for the Green Lantern, Thundra, or possibleeee... Ghost Rider Otto
: What about Superman? Comic Book Guy
: Oh, please.
: [a riot is occurring in Duff Stadium
] All I wanted was to glue feathers on felt and teach the boys good citizenship
[she starts to cry and the cameraman turns the camera to her
] Homer Simpson
: [Seeing her crying on the stadium screen
] That's my wife and she's crying! Groundskeeper Willie
: Dry your tears lass Otto Mann
: Then show us your boobs Drederick Tatum
: [after repeatedly punching Moe
] Dear God, why are we fighting? Others
: I ain't doing any fighting
: Stomp that pickle revert. Otto
: Sick lingos, boys. Bart
: I've gotta go to the bathroom. Otto
: Ah, ah, say it in snowboard. Bart
: Uh, I've gotta blast a dookie? Otto
: Dook on!
: Spell AC/DC! Lisa
: A-C-D-C Otto
: Nuh-uh! You forgot the lightning bolt.
Welcomer to Casino
: Hi Ex-Boxer Gerry Cooney welcoming you to the Mr. Burns Casino Otto Mann
: OK see you Welcomer to Casino
: Oh and by the way... Otto Mann
: I said Knock it off Otto Mann
: [Otto Punches Mr. Cooney
] He is not so tough!
: [after striking Ralph with his bus
] Oh, my God! I killed Kenny! Milhouse van Houten
: [Corrects him
] Ralph. Otto Mann
: No, I killed Kenny yesterday. What was I doing now?
: [runs screaming into a field
] Ralph Wiggum
: Hey, Mister! Otto
: Let him go, Ralph. He knows what he's doing.