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Quotes for
Lenny (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Mayor Quimby: I hereby declare a state of emergency: Code Black.
Lenny: Black? That's the worst color there is.
[Lenny turns to Carl, his black friend]
Lenny: No offense there, Carl.
Carl: I get it all the time.

Lisa Simpson: Our crisis level will be here.
Lenny: That's not so bad.
Lisa Simpson: No, this forklift is messed up.
[the forklift goes crazy until it is back to normal]
Lisa Simpson: Am I getting through to anyone?
Krusty the Clown: Hell yeah, we need a new one of those things!

Carl: If someone distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing.
Lenny: But who would be dumb enough to stay here while we escape with our lives?
Cletus: Ahem... My time to shine!

Russ Cargill: My name is Russ Cargill, head of the EPA.
Moe: The what?
Russ Cargill: The Environmental Protection Agency.
Lenny: Come again?
Russ Cargill: Look, I'm an important man with a big TV. Just listen to me.

"The Simpsons: The Cartridge Family (#9.5)" (1997)
Homer: [the Mexican soccer team has the first possession of the ball and is cautiously kicking the ball around, setting up for a goal as the Portugal team stands there, awaiting the play to develop. The crowd quickly grows bored]
Homer: Boring!
Krusty: Come on, you schnorers, do something!
Kent Brockman: [sounding bored as he calls the actions] Halfback passes to the center. Back to the wing. Back to the center. Center holds it. Holds it.
[rolls eyes]
Kent Brockman: Holds it...
Foreign-accented sports commentator: [excitedly] Halfback passes to center, back to wing, back to center, center holds it! Holds it! Holds it!
Sideshow Mel: I can't bear this any longer, I'm leaving!
Moe: Yeah, not before me you ain't.
Ned Flanders: Now, now, there's plenty of exits for everyone!
Moe: Oh, that's it, you're dead, pal!
[puts Flanders into a headlock]
Principal Skinner: Hey, now, that's uncalled for.
Lenny: Shut your hole, Skinner!
[punches Skinner in the stomach which causes him to fall down the stairs]

Lenny: Assault weapons have gotten a lot of bad press lately, but they're manufactured for a reason: to take out today's modern super animals, such as the flying squirrel, and the electric eel.

Marge: How did you know we were being robbed?
Lenny: The clerk here pressed the silent alarm, and we picked it up on our scanners.
Lisa: Did anyone stop that robber?
Moe: No, I don't think so.

"The Simpsons: Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder (#11.6)" (1999)
Lenny: Hey Carl, check out the overhead scoreboard.
Carl: [laughs] Poo... Ah, Homer. What whacky name do you want?
Homer Simpson: Are poo and ass taken?
Carl: Yeah.
Homer Simpson: Damn! Could my life get any worse?
[Burns appears on Homer's bowling ball]
Montgomery Burns: Simpson! Duhf, even for a bowler you're fat.
Homer Simpson: Hey guys, is it normal to see Burns' face on a bowling ball?
Lenny: Nnh, actually I'd say you're having a severe psychotic episode.
Homer Simpson: Ugh, what a rotten day!
[Homer rolls a strike]
Lenny: Wow, a strike. Hey, if that's psychotic, then why am I taking these?
[Lenny throws out his pills]

[after Homer bowls another strike]
Lenny: Hey Homer, that's four strikes in a row! You've got a perfect game going.
Homer Simpson: Really?
Carl: Careful what you say Lenny, you'll jinx him.
Lenny: Oh, right, sorry.
Lenny: Miss! Miss!... Sorry, I was calling the waitress...
[talking to waitress]
Lenny: Uh, this split you sold me is making me choke.
Homer Simpson: Lenny!
Lenny: What? I paid seven-ten for this split.
Carl: Would you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad?
Lenny: Hey, spaaare me your gutter mouth.
[Lenny gets hit in the groin with Homer's bowling ball]

Lenny: [Homer is on his way to bowling a perfect game. Lenny calls the waitress as Homer is about to roll the ball] Miss! Miss!
[Homer looks back at Lenny]
Lenny: Sorry. I was calling the waitress.
[Homer looks back to the pins]
Lenny: Uh, this split you sold me is making me choke.
[Waitress takes banana split]
Homer: [Homer looks back at Lenny] Lenny...
Lenny: What? I paid $7.10 for this split.
Carl: Would you at least call it a banana split, you dumwad?
Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter-mouth
[Homer throws the bowling ball at Lenny. Lenny groans in pain]

"The Simpsons: The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson (#9.1)" (1997)
Lenny: Hey, let's go to the girls college!
Carl: No! Playboy Mansion, Playboy Mansion!
Homer Simpson: It's my car, and I say we're going to the Lost City of Gold!
Barney Gumble: [angry] Oh, that's just drunk talk!
Barney Gumble: Sweet, beautiful drunk talk...

[Homer, Lenny, and Carl are drunk]
Lenny: Hey, let's go to the girl's college.
Carl: No, the Playboy Mansion. Playboy Mansion.
Homer Simpson: Shut up. It's my car and I say we're going to the lost city of gold.

Homer, Lenny, Carl: [drunk and singing] Dada dada dada dada dada, Macarena. HEY MACARENA!

"The Simpsons: Last Exit to Springfield (#4.17)" (1993)
[Homer is elected union kingpin]
Homer: So what does this job pay?
Lenny: Nothing.
Homer: D'oh!
Lenny: Unless you're crooked.
Homer: WOOHOO!

Carl: Welcome, brothers of Local 643. As you know, our president, Chuckie Fitzhugh, ain't been seen lately. We're all prayin' he'll turn up soon, alive and well.
[everyone laughs]
Carl: All right, all right. But seriously, we have to vote on Burns' new contract. It's basically the same deal, except we get a free keg of beer for our meetings.
[everyone cheers]
Carl: In exchange for that, we have to give up our dental plan.
[Everyone cheers and rushes over to the beer keg. Lenny pours a beer]
Lenny: So long, Dental Plan!
[Lenny's and Marge's words keep repeating in Homer's head]
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
[Charlie drops a pencil into Homer's butt crack]
Carl: Bullseye!
Homer: Thanks a lot, Carl. Now I've lost my train of thought.
[back to Homer's mind]
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Homer: [finally realizing] If we give up our dental plan... I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces!

[Homer has a fudgesicle stuck to his back]
Homer: Hey Lenny, can you get this Sugar Daddy off my back?
Lenny: All right, but this is the last time!

"The Simpsons: Pygmoelian (#11.16)" (2000)
Homer: Moe, the new Duff calendars are out! The ones with your picture.
Moe: Oh, boy! Move over liquor license.
[takes the license of the wall]
Lenny: [examining the license] Hey, Moe, this license expired in 1973, and it's only good in Rhose Island... and it's signed by you!
Moe: Yeah, yeah. I've been meaning to get that updated, uh, for this state and... real.

Moe: Aw, c'mon, look at me. I'm a gargoyle. What with the cauliflower ear, there, and the lizard lips...
Carl: Little rat eyes...
Homer: Caveman brow...
Lenny: Don't forget that fish snout.
Moe: Okay, I get it. I ain't pleasant to look at.
Lenny: Or listen to.
Carl: Or be with.

Carl: So, Lenny, how are things working out with you and that girl next door.
Lenny: Eh, it's over. She got a window shade.

"The Simpsons: She of Little Faith (#13.6)" (2001)
Lisa Simpson: Lenny and Carl? You guys are Buddhist?
Carl: Oh, yeah. If I didn't have inner peace, I'd go completely psycho on all you guys all the time.
Lisa Simpson: Well, I'm looking for a new faith, one that isn't so materialistic.
Richard Gere: Well, you've come to the right place. Buddhism teaches that suffering is caused by desire.
Lisa Simpson: Richard Gere?
Lenny: Ooh! The world's most famous Buddhist.
Richard Gere: Well, what about the Dalai Lama?
Carl: You know, the fourteenth incarnation of the Buddha Avalokesvara?
Lenny: Who's Buddha?
Richard Gere: It's a good thing Buddhism teaches freedom from desire, 'cause I've got the desire to kick your ass.

[Lenny and Carl are meditating]
Lenny: Who... likes... short shorts?
Carl: I... like... short shorts.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror III (#4.5)" (1992)
Lenny: Hey Homer, cut it out! Come on! Quit eatin' me!

Carl: Hey, I hear we're going to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes, but they're not so big.

"The Simpsons: King Size Homer (#7.7)" (1995)
[trying to get out of work]
Homer: Hey, where's Charlie? How'd he get out of this?
Carl: He's at home on disability.
Lenny: Yeah, he got injured on the job and they just sent him home with pay. It's like a lottery that rewards stupidity.
Homer: Stupidity, eh?

[Homer's computer is flashing the words "explosion imminent"]
Homer Simpson: "Explosion imminent?"
[scrolls back through text, sees gas wasn't vented]
Homer Simpson: Oh my God! The plant's gonna explode!
[at the nuclear power plant, where Lenny and Carl are walking past the rumbling tank]
Carl: Hey, that thing's going kaka cuckoo.
Lenny: Who cares? It's Homer's problem.
Homer Simpson: Wait, I know:
Homer Simpson: vent gas.
[reads screen]
Homer Simpson: "Pressure too high?" "Tank must be shut down manually?"
[to drinking bird]
Homer Simpson: Oh, stupid bird! I never should have put you in charge!
[he briefly yanks it]
Homer Simpson: Oh, who am I kidding? This is all my fault!

"The Simpsons: Natural Born Kissers (#9.25)" (1998)
Carl Carlson: How d'you do ma'am?
Lenny Leonard: Hope this evening finds you well.
Marge Simpson: Oh, knock it off, you perverts!

Carl Carlson: Hey Homer, see you at Moe's?
Lenny Leonard: He put new electrical tape on the cushions!
Homer Simpson: Sorry, guys. Marge and I are spending the weekend at a bed 'n' breakfast.
Carl Carlson: Oh, trying to jump-start the old marriage, huh?
Lenny Leonard: Can I come?
Homer Simpson: Nah, it'd just be awkward. What with the sex and all.

"The Simpsons: Homer Loves Flanders (#5.16)" (1994)
Homer: This is Ned Flanders, my friend!
Carl: What'd he say?
Lenny: I dunno, something about being gay.

Lenny: [Homer and Flanders are entering the football stadium parking lot. Not wanting to be seen with Flanders, Homer pushes him down in his seat, making it look like the car is driving itself] Hey look, Homer's got one of those robot cars
[seconds later, Flanders crashes]
Carl: One of those *American* robot cars

"The Simpsons: Mountain of Madness (#8.12)" (1997)
Lenny: We made it. And it's all thanks to teamwork.
Carl: Yeah, *my* teamwork.

Lenny: Did you hear something?
Carl: No.
Lenny: Hmm. Did I?
Carl: I don't know!

"The Simpsons: Springfield Up (#18.13)" (2007)
Lenny: My daddy said I could have any birthday party I want. My cake will be a picture of a dinosaur, and all the guests will say, "Why, Lenny, that's a fine cake!" Then, "Yes", I'll say.
Declan Desmond: [narrates] I decided not to waste any more film on him after that...

Lenny: I'm ready for my segment!
Declan Desmond: Lenny, always exciting to hear from you! Did you ever try that new shampoo?
Lenny: Nope never did. Do you want to see me pay my cable bill? I have checks with butterflies on them. I am interesting.
Declan Desmond: No you're not.

"The Simpsons: Behind the Laughter (#11.22)" (2000)
Carl Carlson: Bart was always blowing his spare cash by paying us to kiss each other.
Lenny: Did we ever get that money?
Narrator: But interracial homoeroticism was only chapter one of Encyclopedia Self-Destructica.

"The Simpsons: Take My Wife, Sleaze (#11.8)" (1999)
Homer Simpson: The first meeting of Hell's Satans is called to order.
Ned Flanders: I move to reconsider our club name. Make it something a little less blasphemous. After all
Ned Flanders: , we don't wanna *go* to hell.
Lenny: How 'bout The Devil's Pals.
Ned Flanders: [nervously chuckles] Nuh-no... see...
Moe Szyslak: How about the Christ punchers?
Ned Flanders: The Chri...! I-I don't think you understand my objections.
Homer Simpson: I'm the president and the decision is mine. We're Hell's Satans. Besides, I already made our club jackets.
[Homer hold up a jacket with Hell's Satans imprinted on the back]
Lenny: Ooo, machine wash warm.
Carl: Tumble dry... Oooh lah lah.

"The Simpsons: My Big Fat Geek Wedding (#15.17)" (2004)
Dr. Hibbert: Oh my goodness, it's Matt Groening!
Lenny Leonard: Wow, the creator of 'Futurama'!

"The Simpsons: Weekend at Burnsie's (#13.16)" (2002)
[At Moe's]
Lenny: It's a good thing you stopped smoking the magic grass, Homer. You were getting spaced out.
Carl: Yeah, we were planning an intervention, but I got alcohol poisoning that night.

"The Simpsons: Homer vs. Dignity (#12.5)" (2000)
[Homer throws pudding at Lenny's face]
Lenny: Ow, my eye. I'm not supposed to get pudding in it.

"The Simpsons: 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky (#14.16)" (2003)
Lenny: Hey, what happened? It's bright in the middle of the night.
Carl: You know what this reminds me of. My Icelandic boyhood.

"The Simpsons: Secrets of a Successful Marriage (#5.22)" (1994)
Homer: [playing poker, gagging and coughing up poker chips] Ew! Don't try to eat these so called "chips".
Moe: Are you gonna take some cards, or not?
Homer: Oh... heh, yeah.
[takes four cards]
Homer: D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Er, I mean, "woohoo".
Moe: I'm in.
Lenny: I'm in.
Carl: I'm in.
Barney: I'm in.
Homer: Aww, I was bluffing.
[lays out cards]
Moe: Ha, ha, ha! Come to papa!
[takes chips and looks at cards]
Moe: What? You have a straight flush, Homer! Ya do this *every* time! Arrrgh-eeengh-gah! Choking on my own rage here!

"The Simpsons: The Frying Game (#13.21)" (2002)
Lenny: If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was much better than anti-lock brakes.
Carl: Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis versus Diet Pepsi?
Moe: Oh, I cannot listen to this again!

"The Simpsons: Margical History Tour (#15.11)" (2004)
Lenny: At last, the Pacific Ocean!
Lisa Simpson: That's a mud puddle.
Lenny: Some of us find solutions instead of looking for problems.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror VIII (#9.4)" (1997)
Lenny: Come on, Homer we just wanna eat your skin.
Homer Simpson: Go to hell, cloacky!

"The Simpsons: The Bart of War (#14.21)" (2003)
Carl Carlson: Carl:
[Watching the riot]
Carl Carlson: I don't remember this much bad blood when I was a Cavalry kid.
Lenny Leonard: I was a pre teen brave!
[He hurls a chair at him]
Carl Carlson: I sang at your wedding!
Lenny Leonard: Yeah, "The best is yet to come", real original!
[hurls another chair at him]

"The Simpsons: Pulpit Friction (#24.18)" (2013)
Reverend Elijah Hooper: Religion should be inviting, like a mug of warm soup. I don't know why soup tastes better in a mug, it just does.
Lenny: God help me, I'm acutally paying attention.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XII (#13.1)" (2001)
Carl: You know, I was hexed by a troll once and a leprechaun cured that right up.
Lenny: Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six leprechauns!
Carl: Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with the leprechaun.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XI (#12.1)" (2000)
Lenny: Ah, alcohol and night-swimming. It's a winning combination.

"The Simpsons: Homer at the Bat (#3.17)" (1992)
[Homer unveils the Wonder Bat to Lenny and Carl. They are less than impressed]
Lenny: Yeah, well, I've got a magic bat, too!
Carl: And I got an enchanted jock strap!

"The Simpsons: A Tale of Two Springfields (#12.2)" (2000)
Lenny: There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people.
Carl: I don't know, vengeance is pretty good.

"The Simpsons: Wild Barts Can't Be Broken (#10.11)" (1999)
[Homer, Lenny, and Carl are drunk]
Lenny: Hey, let's go to the little league diamond and drive around the bases.
Carl: No, the Playboy Mansion. Playboy Mansion.
Homer Simpson: Shut up. It's my car and I say we're going to the lost city of gold.

"The Simpsons: I Am Furious Yellow (#13.18)" (2002)
Homer: Oh, what a day. Maybe the headlines will cheer me up.
[the headline says "You suck, Angry Dad"]
Homer: That's opinion, not news!
[His head inflates and his eyeballs explode]
Homer: [laughing] That guy's hilarious. I especially like his white shirt and blue pants. Wait a minute... Angry Dad is ME!
Lenny Leonard: Yeah, didn't you know? You've been world famous for an hour now.
Carl Carlson: You're the Internet's #1 non-porno site.
Lenny Leonard: Which makes you ten trillionth overall.
Homer: What kind of a monster would humiliate me like this?
[Cartoon Bart spray paints a logo on Angry Dad's back]
Bart Simpson: This has been a Bartoon presentation, in association with Ay Carumba Entertainment.
[Angry Dad turns around and growls]

"The Simpsons: Bart Gets Hit by a Car (#2.10)" (1991)
Lenny Leonard: Hey, Simpson, I heard Mr. Burns crushed your boy.
Homer: Yeah. If I wasn't so spineless, I'd march into Mr. Burns' office right now and...
Waylon Smithers: SIMPSON!
Homer: Aah!
Waylon Smithers: Mr. Burns wants you to march into his office right now!
Homer: Uh-oh!

"The Simpsons: Bart's Inner Child (#5.7)" (1993)
Brad Goodman: Okay, folks, let me hear what's troubling you. Don't be shy, yell it out. Everybody, go!
"Diamond" Joe Quimby: I, uh, can't commit to a relationship!
Montgomery Burns: I'm too nice!
Apu: I have problems with ...
Lenny: [interrupts] I'm always interrupting people!

"The Simpsons: The Springfield Connection (#6.23)" (1995)
[Lenny is dealing cards while Homer plays with Marge's radar gun]
Homer Simpson: Hurry it up with the cards, Lenny. I've got you clocked at two miles per hour.
Lenny: Come on, put that away. Those radar guns give ya cancer.
Homer Simpson: All the more reason for you to hurry up. Hey, what could be going a hundred miles per
[Lenny slugs Homer]
Homer Simpson: Oww!

"The Simpsons: Brake My Wife, Please (#14.20)" (2003)
[Marge drives Homer, Carl and Lenny home from a strip club]
Lenny Leonard: Can we stop for ice cream?
Carl Carlson: Homer always stops for ice cream.
Marge Simpson: We'll see.
Lenny Leonard: That always means no.

"The Simpsons: Hurricane Neddy (#8.8)" (1996)
Marge Simpson: Ned! We meant well, and everyone here tried their best...
Ned Flanders: Well, my family and I can't live in good intentions, Marge! Oh, your family's out of control, but we can't blame you, because you have 'GOOD INTENTIONS!'
Bart Simpson: Hey, back off, man!
Ned Flanders: Oooh, okay DUDE. Don't want you to have a cow, MAN. Here's a catchphrase you'd better learn for your adult years: "Hey buddy, got a QUARTER?"
Bart Simpson: I am shocked and appalled.
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything.
Ned Flanders: Is that the sound of butting in? It's gotta be little Lisa Simpson: Springfield's answer to the question no one asked!
Chief Wiggum: Ha, haha.
Ned Flanders: Oh, what do we have here? The long, flabby arm of the law? The last case you got to the bottom of, was a case of mallomars!
Krusty: Ha, mallomars, oh, that's going in the act.
Ned Flanders: Oh yeah, the clown. The only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh. And as for you, I don't know you, but I'm sure you're a jerk!
Lenny: Hey, I've only been here for a few minutes, what's going on?
Ned Flanders: You ugly, hate-filled man!
Moe: Hey, hey! I may ugly and hate-filled, but I... uh... what was the third thing you said?
Ned Flanders: Homer, you are the worst human being I have ever met.
Homer: Hey, I got off pretty easy!

"The Simpsons: The Springfield Files (#8.10)" (1997)
Alien: I bring you love.
Lenny: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!
Carl: Break its legs.
[everyone starts to advance on the alien]
Lisa: Wait! You want an alien? This is your alien.
[Shines torch on alien to reveal Mr. Burns in a twisted and disoriented state]
Mr. Burns: [in a high-toned voice] Hello, children. I bring you love.
Willy: Argh. It's a monster. Kill it, kill it!
Smithers: It's not a monster, it's Mr. Burns!
Willy: Aww, it's Mr. Burns! KILL IT! KILL IT!

"The Simpsons: Whacking Day (#4.20)" (1993)
Barney: [Barney is hitting the ground with a stick] Take that snake! Ungh! And you too! Snakes! Snakes everyhere!
Lenny: Getting ready for Whacking Day?
Barney: What's Whacking Day?

"The Simpsons: Loan-a Lisa (#22.2)" (2010)
Lenny Leonard: Through this protective layer, I can't tell if I'm watching an old Seinfeld or an old Old Christine.