Lenny Leonard
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Quotes for
Lenny Leonard (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Mayor Quimby: I hereby declare a state of emergency: Code Black.
Lenny: Black? That's the worst color there is.
[Lenny turns to Carl, his black friend]
Lenny: No offense there, Carl.
Carl: I get it all the time.

Lisa Simpson: Our crisis level will be here.
Lenny: That's not so bad.
Lisa Simpson: No, this forklift is messed up.
[the forklift goes crazy until it is back to normal]
Lisa Simpson: Am I getting through to anyone?
Krusty the Clown: Hell yeah, we need a new one of those things!

Carl: If someone distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing.
Lenny: But who would be dumb enough to stay here while we escape with our lives?
Cletus: Ahem... My time to shine!

Russ Cargill: My name is Russ Cargill, head of the EPA.
Moe: The what?
Russ Cargill: The Environmental Protection Agency.
Lenny: Come again?
Russ Cargill: Look, I'm an important man with a big TV. Just listen to me.

"The Simpsons: The Cartridge Family (#9.5)" (1997)
Homer: [the Mexican soccer team has the first possession of the ball and is cautiously kicking the ball around, setting up for a goal as the Portugal team stands there, awaiting the play to develop. The crowd quickly grows bored]
Homer: Boring!
Krusty: Come on, you schnorers, do something!
Kent Brockman: [sounding bored as he calls the actions] Halfback passes to the center. Back to the wing. Back to the center. Center holds it. Holds it.
[rolls eyes]
Kent Brockman: Holds it...
Foreign-accented sports commentator: [excitedly] Halfback passes to center, back to wing, back to center, center holds it! Holds it! Holds it!
Sideshow Mel: I can't bear this any longer, I'm leaving!
Moe: Yeah, not before me you ain't.
Ned Flanders: Now, now, there's plenty of exits for everyone!
Moe: Oh, that's it, you're dead, pal!
[puts Flanders into a headlock]
Principal Skinner: Hey, now, that's uncalled for.
Lenny: Shut your hole, Skinner!
[punches Skinner in the stomach which causes him to fall down the stairs]

Lenny: Assault weapons have gotten a lot of bad press lately, but they're manufactured for a reason: to take out today's modern super animals, such as the flying squirrel, and the electric eel.

Marge: How did you know we were being robbed?
Lenny: The clerk here pressed the silent alarm, and we picked it up on our scanners.
Lisa: Did anyone stop that robber?
Moe: No, I don't think so.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XVII (#18.4)" (2006)
Homer Simpson: [During the panic over the suspected alien-invasion] Burn everything!
Lenny: Hey Homer, we haven't actually seen these aliens.
Homer Simpson: That's alien talk!
[shoots Lenny]

Abe Simpson: I never thought it would come to this when I fought in the first World War.
Lenny: First World War? Why do you keep calling it that?
Abe Simpson: Oh, you'll see!

Kent Brockman: It's blob rule in the streets of Springfield, and if that weren't bad enough, we're also being attack by a 50-foot Lenny.
Lenny: Homer gets more attention than me.
Carl: [unseen] I still like you.
Lenny: Thanks, invisible Carl.

"The Simpsons: Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder (#11.6)" (1999)
Lenny: Hey Carl, check out the overhead scoreboard.
Carl: [laughs] Poo... Ah, Homer. What whacky name do you want?
Homer Simpson: Are poo and ass taken?
Carl: Yeah.
Homer Simpson: Damn! Could my life get any worse?
[Burns appears on Homer's bowling ball]
Montgomery Burns: Simpson! Duhf, even for a bowler you're fat.
Homer Simpson: Hey guys, is it normal to see Burns' face on a bowling ball?
Lenny: Nnh, actually I'd say you're having a severe psychotic episode.
Homer Simpson: Ugh, what a rotten day!
[Homer rolls a strike]
Lenny: Wow, a strike. Hey, if that's psychotic, then why am I taking these?
[Lenny throws out his pills]

[after Homer bowls another strike]
Lenny: Hey Homer, that's four strikes in a row! You've got a perfect game going.
Homer Simpson: Really?
Carl: Careful what you say Lenny, you'll jinx him.
Lenny: Oh, right, sorry.
Lenny: Miss! Miss!... Sorry, I was calling the waitress...
[talking to waitress]
Lenny: Uh, this split you sold me is making me choke.
Homer Simpson: Lenny!
Lenny: What? I paid seven-ten for this split.
Carl: Would you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad?
Lenny: Hey, spaaare me your gutter mouth.
[Lenny gets hit in the groin with Homer's bowling ball]

Lenny: [Homer is on his way to bowling a perfect game. Lenny calls the waitress as Homer is about to roll the ball] Miss! Miss!
[Homer looks back at Lenny]
Lenny: Sorry. I was calling the waitress.
[Homer looks back to the pins]
Lenny: Uh, this split you sold me is making me choke.
[Waitress takes banana split]
Homer: [Homer looks back at Lenny] Lenny...
Lenny: What? I paid $7.10 for this split.
Carl: Would you at least call it a banana split, you dumwad?
Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter-mouth
[Homer throws the bowling ball at Lenny. Lenny groans in pain]

"The Simpsons: The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson (#9.1)" (1997)
Lenny: Hey, let's go to the girls college!
Carl: No! Playboy Mansion, Playboy Mansion!
Homer Simpson: It's my car, and I say we're going to the Lost City of Gold!
Barney Gumble: [angry] Oh, that's just drunk talk!
Barney Gumble: Sweet, beautiful drunk talk...

[Homer, Lenny, and Carl are drunk]
Lenny: Hey, let's go to the girl's college.
Carl: No, the Playboy Mansion. Playboy Mansion.
Homer Simpson: Shut up. It's my car and I say we're going to the lost city of gold.

Homer, Lenny, Carl: [drunk and singing] Dada dada dada dada dada, Macarena. HEY MACARENA!

"The Simpsons: Last Exit to Springfield (#4.17)" (1993)
[Homer is elected union kingpin]
Homer: So what does this job pay?
Lenny: Nothing.
Homer: D'oh!
Lenny: Unless you're crooked.
Homer: WOOHOO!

Carl: Welcome, brothers of Local 643. As you know, our president, Chuckie Fitzhugh, ain't been seen lately. We're all prayin' he'll turn up soon, alive and well.
[everyone laughs]
Carl: All right, all right. But seriously, we have to vote on Burns' new contract. It's basically the same deal, except we get a free keg of beer for our meetings.
[everyone cheers]
Carl: In exchange for that, we have to give up our dental plan.
[Everyone cheers and rushes over to the beer keg. Lenny pours a beer]
Lenny: So long, Dental Plan!
[Lenny's and Marge's words keep repeating in Homer's head]
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
[Charlie drops a pencil into Homer's butt crack]
Carl: Bullseye!
Homer: Thanks a lot, Carl. Now I've lost my train of thought.
[back to Homer's mind]
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny: Dental Plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces.
Homer: [finally realizing] If we give up our dental plan... I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces!

[Homer has a fudgesicle stuck to his back]
Homer: Hey Lenny, can you get this Sugar Daddy off my back?
Lenny: All right, but this is the last time!

"The Simpsons: Pygmoelian (#11.16)" (2000)
Homer: Moe, the new Duff calendars are out! The ones with your picture.
Moe: Oh, boy! Move over liquor license.
[takes the license of the wall]
Lenny: [examining the license] Hey, Moe, this license expired in 1973, and it's only good in Rhose Island... and it's signed by you!
Moe: Yeah, yeah. I've been meaning to get that updated, uh, for this state and... real.

Moe: Aw, c'mon, look at me. I'm a gargoyle. What with the cauliflower ear, there, and the lizard lips...
Carl: Little rat eyes...
Homer: Caveman brow...
Lenny: Don't forget that fish snout.
Moe: Okay, I get it. I ain't pleasant to look at.
Lenny: Or listen to.
Carl: Or be with.

Carl: So, Lenny, how are things working out with you and that girl next door.
Lenny: Eh, it's over. She got a window shade.

"The Simpsons: American History X-cellent (#21.17)" (2010)
Lenny Leonard: Things have changed in the outside while you were gone. Wealthy people can beat the system now.
Carl Carlson: They don't have parking meters anymore. Now there's a little thing you swipe your credit card into.
Homer Simpson: The war is over and the future won. Past never even had a chance, man.

Carl Carlson: Here's you spare ribs, Mr. Burns. Just like you ordered it.
Mr. Burns: Spare ribs, eh? I've played a round of tenpins in my day, and to me, spare reeks of second best. Get me ten frames of strike ribs at once! And you, call my doctor and ask him why I would ask for something so absurd as strike ribs.
Lenny Leonard: Yes, sir.

Carl Carlson: Say, Lenny. Care for some Chateau La Mondotte St. Emilion?
Lenny Leonard: That's a regular size bottle. I'm drinking Jeroboams.
Homer Simpson: I'm drinking Melchizedeks!
Lenny Leonard: Homer, that's a $60,000 bottle.
Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo! I'm drinking my salary!
Carl Carlson: Wait a minute. Doesn't some of that go to taxes?
Homer Simpson: Hey, you're right.
[Pours wine on floor]
Homer Simpson: Stupid government, taking my hard earned stolen wine and making me spill it on the floor.
Lenny Leonard: I hear that!

"The Simpsons: She of Little Faith (#13.6)" (2001)
Lisa Simpson: Lenny and Carl? You guys are Buddhist?
Carl: Oh, yeah. If I didn't have inner peace, I'd go completely psycho on all you guys all the time.
Lisa Simpson: Well, I'm looking for a new faith, one that isn't so materialistic.
Richard Gere: Well, you've come to the right place. Buddhism teaches that suffering is caused by desire.
Lisa Simpson: Richard Gere?
Lenny: Ooh! The world's most famous Buddhist.
Richard Gere: Well, what about the Dalai Lama?
Carl: You know, the fourteenth incarnation of the Buddha Avalokesvara?
Lenny: Who's Buddha?
Richard Gere: It's a good thing Buddhism teaches freedom from desire, 'cause I've got the desire to kick your ass.

[Lenny and Carl are meditating]
Lenny: Who... likes... short shorts?
Carl: I... like... short shorts.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror III (#4.5)" (1992)
Lenny: Hey Homer, cut it out! Come on! Quit eatin' me!

Carl: Hey, I hear we're going to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes, but they're not so big.

"The Simpsons: Mountain of Madness (#8.12)" (1997)
Lenny: We made it. And it's all thanks to teamwork.
Carl: Yeah, *my* teamwork.

Lenny: Did you hear something?
Carl: No.
Lenny: Hmm. Did I?
Carl: I don't know!

"The Simpsons: Springfield Up (#18.13)" (2007)
Lenny: My daddy said I could have any birthday party I want. My cake will be a picture of a dinosaur, and all the guests will say, "Why, Lenny, that's a fine cake!" Then, "Yes", I'll say.
Declan Desmond: [narrates] I decided not to waste any more film on him after that...

Lenny: I'm ready for my segment!
Declan Desmond: Lenny, always exciting to hear from you! Did you ever try that new shampoo?
Lenny: Nope never did. Do you want to see me pay my cable bill? I have checks with butterflies on them. I am interesting.
Declan Desmond: No you're not.

"The Simpsons: King Size Homer (#7.7)" (1995)
[trying to get out of work]
Homer: Hey, where's Charlie? How'd he get out of this?
Carl: He's at home on disability.
Lenny: Yeah, he got injured on the job and they just sent him home with pay. It's like a lottery that rewards stupidity.
Homer: Stupidity, eh?

[Homer's computer is flashing the words "explosion imminent"]
Homer Simpson: "Explosion imminent?"
[scrolls back through text, sees gas wasn't vented]
Homer Simpson: Oh my God! The plant's gonna explode!
[at the nuclear power plant, where Lenny and Carl are walking past the rumbling tank]
Carl: Hey, that thing's going kaka cuckoo.
Lenny: Who cares? It's Homer's problem.
Homer Simpson: Wait, I know:
Homer Simpson: vent gas.
[reads screen]
Homer Simpson: "Pressure too high?" "Tank must be shut down manually?"
[to drinking bird]
Homer Simpson: Oh, stupid bird! I never should have put you in charge!
[he briefly yanks it]
Homer Simpson: Oh, who am I kidding? This is all my fault!

"The Simpsons: Natural Born Kissers (#9.25)" (1998)
Carl Carlson: How d'you do ma'am?
Lenny Leonard: Hope this evening finds you well.
Marge Simpson: Oh, knock it off, you perverts!

Carl Carlson: Hey Homer, see you at Moe's?
Lenny Leonard: He put new electrical tape on the cushions!
Homer Simpson: Sorry, guys. Marge and I are spending the weekend at a bed 'n' breakfast.
Carl Carlson: Oh, trying to jump-start the old marriage, huh?
Lenny Leonard: Can I come?
Homer Simpson: Nah, it'd just be awkward. What with the sex and all.

"The Simpsons: Homer Loves Flanders (#5.16)" (1994)
Homer: This is Ned Flanders, my friend!
Carl: What'd he say?
Lenny: I dunno, something about being gay.

Lenny: [Homer and Flanders are entering the football stadium parking lot. Not wanting to be seen with Flanders, Homer pushes him down in his seat, making it look like the car is driving itself] Hey look, Homer's got one of those robot cars
[seconds later, Flanders crashes]
Carl: One of those *American* robot cars

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XVI (#17.4)" (2005)
Carl: Homer, Burns has only been chasing us for six hours and you already resorted to cannibalism.
Lenny: And there's bananas in that tree up there.
Homer Simpson: Uh, they look a little green.

"The Simpsons: My Big Fat Geek Wedding (#15.17)" (2004)
Dr. Hibbert: Oh my goodness, it's Matt Groening!
Lenny Leonard: Wow, the creator of 'Futurama'!

"The Simpsons: Weekend at Burnsie's (#13.16)" (2002)
[At Moe's]
Lenny: It's a good thing you stopped smoking the magic grass, Homer. You were getting spaced out.
Carl: Yeah, we were planning an intervention, but I got alcohol poisoning that night.

"The Simpsons: Homer vs. Dignity (#12.5)" (2000)
[Homer throws pudding at Lenny's face]
Lenny: Ow, my eye. I'm not supposed to get pudding in it.

"The Simpsons: 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky (#14.16)" (2003)
Lenny: Hey, what happened? It's bright in the middle of the night.
Carl: You know what this reminds me of. My Icelandic boyhood.

"The Simpsons: Secrets of a Successful Marriage (#5.22)" (1994)
Homer: [playing poker, gagging and coughing up poker chips] Ew! Don't try to eat these so called "chips".
Moe: Are you gonna take some cards, or not?
Homer: Oh... heh, yeah.
[takes four cards]
Homer: D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Er, I mean, "woohoo".
Moe: I'm in.
Lenny: I'm in.
Carl: I'm in.
Barney: I'm in.
Homer: Aww, I was bluffing.
[lays out cards]
Moe: Ha, ha, ha! Come to papa!
[takes chips and looks at cards]
Moe: What? You have a straight flush, Homer! Ya do this *every* time! Arrrgh-eeengh-gah! Choking on my own rage here!

"The Simpsons: Margical History Tour (#15.11)" (2004)
Lenny: At last, the Pacific Ocean!
Lisa Simpson: That's a mud puddle.
Lenny: Some of us find solutions instead of looking for problems.

"The Simpsons: Whiskey Business (#24.19)" (2013)
Carl: Capital City has a twin?
Lenny Leonard: It moved to California to become a star, but it just ended up turning into Glendale.

"The Simpsons: Boy Meets Curl (#21.12)" (2010)
Lenny Leonard: Date Night: It's the embalming fluid that keeps the mummy of a marriage fresh after the heart and brain have been pulled out through the nose.
Carl Carlson: I never should've given you that Egyptology book.

"The Simpsons: The Devil Wears Nada (#21.5)" (2009)
Lenny Leonard: So Ted, what are you gonna do now that you don't have to look after us idiots anymore?
Ted: I'm gonna fill the emptiness with gardening and Mandarin lessons.
[Speaks Mandarin]
Chinese Man: [to Homer] It's garbage. It's total garbage.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XI (#12.1)" (2000)
Lenny: Ah, alcohol and night-swimming. It's a winning combination.

"The Simpsons: The Princess Guide (#26.15)" (2015)
Lenny Leonard: What about the presentation? The eyes taste first. Then lips, then palate, then the body's harshest critic, the colon.

"The Simpsons: Ice Cream of Margie: With the Light Blue Hair (#18.7)" (2006)
[Lenny's and Carl's popsicle stick likenesses are smashed together]
Lenny Leonard: Look at this! I can't tell where Carl ends and I begin!
Carl Carlson: See? It's statements like that that make people think we're gay!

"The Simpsons: The Great Wife Hope (#21.3)" (2009)
Carl Carlson: Men fighting animals in an arena. Just like the ancient Romans.
Lenny Leonard: Yeah, except their empire collapsed.

"The Simpsons: Homer's Enemy (#8.23)" (1997)
Frank Grimes: Can you believe that guy? He fell asleep inside a radiation suit.
Lenny: He had three beers at lunch. That would make anyone sleepy.

"The Simpsons: Bart's Inner Child (#5.7)" (1993)
Brad Goodman: Okay, folks, let me hear what's troubling you. Don't be shy, yell it out. Everybody, go!
"Diamond" Joe Quimby: I, uh, can't commit to a relationship!
Montgomery Burns: I'm too nice!
Apu: I have problems with ...
Lenny: [interrupts] I'm always interrupting people!

"The Simpsons: Moe'N'A Lisa (#18.6)" (2006)
Lenny Leonard: Maybe you can interview me. I collect Absolute ads.
Lisa Simpson: Do you have any others?
Lenny Leonard: [shocked] There are others?

"The Simpsons: The Springfield Connection (#6.23)" (1995)
[Lenny is dealing cards while Homer plays with Marge's radar gun]
Homer Simpson: Hurry it up with the cards, Lenny. I've got you clocked at two miles per hour.
Lenny: Come on, put that away. Those radar guns give ya cancer.
Homer Simpson: All the more reason for you to hurry up. Hey, what could be going a hundred miles per
[Lenny slugs Homer]
Homer Simpson: Oww!

"The Simpsons: The Last Temptation of Homer (#5.9)" (1993)
Lenny: With a woman working here, we won't be able to spit on the floor anymore.
Carl: And we won't be able to take our pants off when it gets really hot.
Homer: And we won't be able to pee in the drinking fountain...
[receives stares]

"The Simpsons: A Star Is Torn (#16.18)" (2005)
Milhouse: [singing] When a man loves a woman...
Lenny: Which one are you? The man or the woman?
Carl: Nice one, dude.

"The Simpsons: Once Upon a Time in Springfield (#21.10)" (2010)
Montgomery Burns: We have to cut costs.
Lenny Leonard: But we have way more expensive unnecessaries than donuts.
Carl Carlson: Yeah, like the ceiling furniture.
Lenny Leonard: And all the joke ID badges we ordered.
Montgomery Burns: No donuts!
Lenny Leonard: No!
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Carl Carlson: Nuts!
Montgomery Burns: Exactly!

"The Simpsons: Whacking Day (#4.20)" (1993)
Barney: [Barney is hitting the ground with a stick] Take that snake! Ungh! And you too! Snakes! Snakes everyhere!
Lenny: Getting ready for Whacking Day?
Barney: What's Whacking Day?

"The Simpsons: Loan-a Lisa (#22.2)" (2010)
Lenny Leonard: Through this protective layer, I can't tell if I'm watching an old Seinfeld or an old Old Christine.

"The Simpsons: Behind the Laughter (#11.22)" (2000)
Carl: Bart was always blowing his spare cash by paying us to kiss each other.
Lenny: Did we ever get that money?
Narrator: But interracial homoeroticism was only chapter one of Encyclopedia Self-Destructica.

"The Simpsons: Take My Wife, Sleaze (#11.8)" (1999)
Homer Simpson: The first meeting of Hell's Satans is called to order.
Ned Flanders: I move to reconsider our club name. Make it something a little less blasphemous. After all
Ned Flanders: , we don't wanna *go* to hell.
Lenny: How 'bout The Devil's Pals.
Ned Flanders: [nervously chuckles] Nuh-no... see...
Moe Szyslak: How about the Christ punchers?
Ned Flanders: The Chri...! I-I don't think you understand my objections.
Homer Simpson: I'm the president and the decision is mine. We're Hell's Satans. Besides, I already made our club jackets.
[Homer hold up a jacket with Hell's Satans imprinted on the back]
Lenny: Ooo, machine wash warm.
Carl: Tumble dry... Oooh lah lah.

"The Simpsons: Life on the Fast Lane (#1.9)" (1990)
Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes.

"The Simpsons: The Frying Game (#13.21)" (2002)
Lenny: If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was much better than anti-lock brakes.
Carl: Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis versus Diet Pepsi?
Moe: Oh, I cannot listen to this again!

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror VIII (#9.4)" (1997)
Lenny: Come on, Homer we just wanna eat your skin.
Homer Simpson: Go to hell, cloaky!

"The Simpsons: The Bart of War (#14.21)" (2003)
Carl Carlson: Carl:
[Watching the riot]
Carl Carlson: I don't remember this much bad blood when I was a Cavalry kid.
Lenny Leonard: I was a pre teen brave!
[He hurls a chair at him]
Carl Carlson: I sang at your wedding!
Lenny Leonard: Yeah, "The best is yet to come", real original!
[hurls another chair at him]

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XII (#13.1)" (2001)
Carl: You know, I was hexed by a troll once and a leprechaun cured that right up.
Lenny: Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six leprechauns!
Carl: Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with the leprechaun.

The Simpsons: Tapped Out (2012) (VG)
Krusty the Clown: All right, I finished your dumb ride. Up you go.
Carl Carlson: Oh, I never ride Viking Boats. Not with my stomach. I just wanted to make you build one.
Krusty the Clown: I said, GET ON THE BOAT.
Lenny Leonard: Are you aiming a gun at us?
Krusty the Clown: I sure am. And I'm prepared to use it. Maybe even make jokes about it. Or the organization that lobbies on behalf of it.
Carl Carlson: Look, shoot us if you want. But don't make a joke at the NRA's expense. They can't take it, and I don't want to listen to their whining.
Krusty the Clown: Yeah, you'd think people with guns would have a thicker skin. But you're still getting on that boat.

"The Simpsons: Homer at the Bat (#3.17)" (1992)
[Homer unveils the Wonder Bat to Lenny and Carl. They are less than impressed]
Lenny: Yeah, well, I've got a magic bat, too!
Carl: And I got an enchanted jock strap!

"The Simpsons: Jazzy & The Pussycats (#18.2)" (2006)
[at Homer's Vegas wife, Amber's, funeral]
Bart: So, how did malt liquor mommy die?
Marge Simpson: I told you to stop calling her that.
Lenny: You know that sign that says not to stand up on the roller coaster?
[Bart nods]
Lenny: She overdosed right in front of it.

"The Simpsons: A Tale of Two Springfields (#12.2)" (2000)
Lenny: There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people.
Carl: I don't know, vengeance is pretty good.

"The Simpsons: Wild Barts Can't Be Broken (#10.11)" (1999)
[Homer, Lenny, and Carl are drunk]
Lenny: Hey, let's go to the little league diamond and drive around the bases.
Carl: No, the Playboy Mansion. Playboy Mansion.
Homer Simpson: Shut up. It's my car and I say we're going to the lost city of gold.

"The Simpsons: The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants (#23.7)" (2011)
Carl: Wow, everyone from the nuclear plant is here. Except the bosses, of course.
Lenny: Yeah. Not even Homer would be stupid enough to invite...
Mr. Burns: So this is the famous party?

"The Simpsons: Million Dollar Maybe (#21.11)" (2010)
Lenny Leonard: Homer's got a girlfriend!
Homer Simpson: She's not my girlfriend. She's a girl I used to go out with and then married who used to be my friend.

"The Simpsons: I Am Furious Yellow (#13.18)" (2002)
Homer: Oh, what a day. Maybe the headlines will cheer me up.
[the headline says "You suck, Angry Dad"]
Homer: That's opinion, not news!
[His head inflates and his eyeballs explode]
Homer: [laughing] That guy's hilarious. I especially like his white shirt and blue pants. Wait a minute... Angry Dad is ME!
Lenny Leonard: Yeah, didn't you know? You've been world famous for an hour now.
Carl Carlson: You're the Internet's #1 non-porno site.
Lenny Leonard: Which makes you ten trillionth overall.
Homer: What kind of a monster would humiliate me like this?
[Cartoon Bart spray paints a logo on Angry Dad's back]
Bart Simpson: This has been a Bartoon presentation, in association with Ay Carumba Entertainment.
[Angry Dad turns around and growls]

"The Simpsons: Bart Gets Hit by a Car (#2.10)" (1991)
Lenny Leonard: Hey, Simpson, I heard Mr. Burns crushed your boy.
Homer: Yeah. If I wasn't so spineless, I'd march into Mr. Burns' office right now and...
Waylon Smithers: SIMPSON!
Homer: Aah!
Waylon Smithers: Mr. Burns wants you to march into his office right now!
Homer: Uh-oh!

"The Simpsons: Brake My Wife, Please (#14.20)" (2003)
[Marge drives Homer, Carl and Lenny home from a strip club]
Lenny Leonard: Can we stop for ice cream?
Carl Carlson: Homer always stops for ice cream.
Marge Simpson: We'll see.
Lenny Leonard: That always means no.

"The Simpsons: Hurricane Neddy (#8.8)" (1996)
Ned Flanders: And you! I don't know who you are but I'm sure you're an idiot!
Lenny: Hey, I just got here! What's going on?

"The Simpsons: The Springfield Files (#8.10)" (1997)
Alien: I bring you love.
Lenny: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!
Carl: Break its legs.
[everyone starts to advance on the alien]
Lisa: Wait! You want an alien? This is your alien.
[Shines torch on alien to reveal Mr. Burns in a twisted and disoriented state]
Mr. Burns: [in a high-toned voice] Hello, children. I bring you love.
Willy: Argh. It's a monster. Kill it, kill it!
Smithers: It's not a monster, it's Mr. Burns!
Willy: Aww, it's Mr. Burns! KILL IT! KILL IT!