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Kang
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Quotes for
Kang (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

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"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror VII (#8.1)" (1996)
Kang: My name is Kang, and this is my sister Kodos.
Kodos: [masculine voice] Hello.

Kang: My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball; but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

Kang: Abortions for all.
[crowd boos]
Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone.
[crowd boos]
Kang: Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.
[crowd cheers and waves miniature flags]

Kodos: It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us.
Man 1: He's right, this is a two-party system.
Man 2: Well I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away.

Kent Brockman: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you, instead of President Clinton?
Kang: It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way your planet is doomed. Doomed!
Kent Brockman: Well, a refreshing bit of candor from Senator Bob Dole.


"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror IX (#10.4)" (1998)
Kang: Oh, you look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in mass?

[Kodos and Kang appear at The Simpsons' door]
Homer: Oh no, Mormons!
Kang: Actually, we're Quantum Presbyterians.

Kang: Holy fleurking schnit!


"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XVII (#18.4)" (2006)
Kang: I don't know. I'm starting to think 'Operation Enduring Occupation' was a bad idea.
Kodos: We had to invade. They were working on weapons of mass disintegration!
Kang: Sure they were!

[three years after Kodos and Kang's alien armies have conqured the Earth, Kang arrives at Springfield's devestated city hall in an armed tri-pod]
Kodos: Colonel Kang, your report.
Kang: Well, the Earthlings continue to resent our presence.
[a large explosion nearby shakes the building]
Kang: You said that we'd be greeted as liberators!
Kodos: Don't worry. We still have the people's hearts and minds.
[Kodos holds up a human brain and heart]


"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror V (#6.6)" (1994)
Kang: [Homer keeps carelessly distorting the time line, trying to get back to his own universe. Kang and Kodos the aliens watch from space as Homer's meddling causes 742 Evergreen Terrace to repeatedly change from one bizzarre form to another] Foolish earthling! Totally unprepared for the effects of time travel!
[They both laugh]
Kang: [Suddenly, one of the changes Homer makes to the timeline causes Kang and Kodos's bodies to transform to those of Sherman and Mr. Peabody] What happened to us, Kodos?
Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you!


"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XIV (#15.1)" (2003)
Kang: Pathetic humans. They are showing a Halloween episode, in November!
Kodos: You're still thinking about Halloween? We already have our Christmas decorations out.


"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XX (#21.4)" (2009)
Kang: This is the best musical in light-years.
Kodos: Light-years measure distance, not time.
Kang: You know what I meant.


The Simpsons: Cartoon Studio (1996) (VG)
Kang: You will toil in our underground chocolate quarries.


The Simpsons: Hit & Run (2003) (VG)
[last lines]
Kang: At least our show was a success.
Kodos: Why did we go to Earth Heaven when we died?
Kang: At least we don't have to sit through the stupid video game credits.
Kodos: [Kodos points down at the credits coming up]
Kang: Noooooooooooooo!