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Quotes for
Cletus Spuckler (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Cletus: [after showing Cargill a trick with his thumb] You want to know how I do it?
Russ Cargill: Four generations of inbreeding?
Cletus: [Flattered] Oh, you.

Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot!
Cletus: Hey, I know how you feel; I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.

Mayor Quimby: To make sure this wall is completely idiot-proof... Cletus!
Cletus: Yes'um?
Mayor Quimby: Try to dump something in the lake.
Cletus: Okay.
[tries to go to the lake to dump a possum but keeps hitting the wall]
Cletus: I can't. I - I simply can't.

Carl: If someone distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing.
Lenny: But who would be dumb enough to stay here while we escape with our lives?
Cletus: Ahem... My time to shine!

"The Simpsons: Yokel Chords (#18.14)" (2007)
Cletus: We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.

Cletus: Brandine, what are you doing here? You're suppose to be in Iraq stopping 9/11.

"The Simpsons: The Cartridge Family (#9.5)" (1997)
Agnes Skinner: [Homer turns the TV on by shooting his gun at it] I've never seen such recklessness!
Louie: You mighta hurt someone!
Cletus: Are you some kind of moron?
Homer: Yeah, but...
Krusty: Hey, yutz! Guns aren't toys. They're for family protection, hunting dangerous or delicious animals, and keeping the King of England out of your face.

"The Simpsons: 22 Short Films About Springfield (#7.21)" (1996)
Cletus, the slack jawed yokel: [while hanging from a telephone poll] Hey, I can call my ma from up here.
Cletus, the slack jawed yokel: Yo ma, get off the dang roof!

"The Simpsons: Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington (#14.14)" (2003)
Cletus: He really speaks to me, the average Joe six-tooth.
Cletus's Wife: When did you get another tooth?
Cletus: The sidewalk.

"The Simpsons: Home Sweet Home-Dum-Diddly Doodily (#7.3)" (1995)
[the "Family Skills" course is almost over, and the agent is testing Homer and Cletus]
Goodman: OK, let's see if we've learned anything. I want you two to simulate a typical household problem. Go.
Cletus: Uh, Pa, I cut my finger on the screen door again.
Homer: [as he strangles Cletus] Why you cotton-pickin...
[the class looks critically at Homer]
Homer: [to himself] No, I gotta pass this class for my kids.
[to Cletus]
Homer: Son, let's stop the fussin' and the feudin'.
Cletus: I love you, Pa!
[then sobs]
Homer: I love you, Cletus!
[then sobs too]

"The Simpsons: Alone Again, Natura-Diddly (#11.14)" (2000)
Ned Flanders: Hi-diddly-ho, petal-to-the-metal-ophiles.
Homer Simpson: Flanders? Since when do you like anything cool?
Ned Flanders: Oh, I don't care for the speed, but I can't get enough of that safety gear - helmets, roll bars, caution flags...
Maude Flanders: I like the fresh air, and looking at the poor people in the infield.
Brandine: Dang, Cletus, why'd you have to park by my parents?
Cletus: Now, honey, they's my parents, too.

"The Simpsons: To Surveil, with Love (#21.20)" (2010)
Mayor Quimby: Now on to the next item, the proposal for putting term limits on public office. All those in favor say "I have sex with animals".
Cletus Spuckler: I do have sex with animals, but I'm not in favor of term limits.

"The Simpsons: I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can (#14.12)" (2003)
Cletus: Spell 'scabies!'
Lisa: S-C-A-B-I-E-S!
Brandine: [holding her baby by the shirt] Rubella, we got you a middle name!
Cletus: You ain't supposed to hold her like that.

"The Simpsons: Barting Over (#14.11)" (2003)
Homer: I've been carrying this bag of sugar to represent a baby, and...
[sees he is holding a real baby]
Homer: Wha...? Where the hell's my sugar?
[cut to Cletus and his wife with a sugar-bag in baby clothes]
Cletus: Condoleeza-Marie ain't too peppy today.
Brandine: And I don't remember her bein' this granulated.
Dia-Betty: Can I put your baby in my coffee?
Cletus: Well, the doctor said if you eat any more babies, they gonna take yer foot.

"The Simpsons: HOMR (#12.9)" (2001)
Cletus: Now hold still. Nothing cracks a turtle like Leon Uris.

"The Simpsons: Bart on the Road (#7.20)" (1996)
[Selma just took Cletus' picture for his driver's license]
Selma: Okay. One more step. I just gotta go laminate your license. You'll get it in two to three weeks.
Cletus: Hot damn! No more sittin' in the dirt at the drive-in!