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Quotes for
Herb Powell (Character)
from "The Simpsons" (1989)

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"The Simpsons: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? (#3.24)" (1992)
Homer Simpson: Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew two thousand bucks on it, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks.
Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?
Homer Simpson: I try, but I can't.

Herb: Lisa, aren't you happy to see me?
Lisa: Why didn't you write, Unky Herb?
Herb: Hey, if I wrote to you, what was I supposed to say? "Dear Lisa, last night I used a rat for a pillow, thanks to your pop?"
Lisa: I see your point.

Herb: [about to meet Homer again] What do I say to this guy? This is the guy who ruined me! On the other hand, he's family. So many emotions, how do I express them?
Homer Simpson: [Opens the door and sees Herb] Herb?
[Herb punches him across the face, and Homer collapses to the ground]

Herb: [referring to himself] How would you like to spend $2,000 to give a broken man a second chance?
Homer: Nah.

Homer: Alright, Herb, we'll give you the money. But you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother.
Herb: Nope.
Homer: Okay, then just give me the drinking bird.

Herb: Let me show you this.
[Herb sets a drinking bird mechanism on the table]
Homer: [amazed] It's drinking the water!
Herb: Take it easy, Homer. Now, this device shows how a product, carefully marketed...
Homer: This is the greatest invention in the world! You'll make a million dollars!
Herb: No, Homer, that invention is out already. Anyway ...
Homer: [chuckling] Heheheheh, it's going back for more!

[Herb is losing at Monopoly]
Herb: [aggravated] That's all I got!
Homer: [laughing] Broke again, eh Herb? Just like in real life. I guess you're just not much of a businessman.
[Herb punches Homer]

Herb: [rings Simpsons' bell] Now, what do I do? I mean, this is the guy who ruined me. Then again, he's my brother... So many conflicting emotions. How to express them?
Homer: [opens door] Herb.
[Herb punches him in the face]

Herb: [Herb is telling a bunch of fellow bums about how he lost a successful car company] Life was sweet. Then I found out I had a long lost half-brother. I let him
Herb: design a car that would either make or break my company. Forbes magazine called it "The Blunder of the Century". Little overblown, don't you think?

"The Simpsons: Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? (#2.15)" (1991)
Homer: Oh, Herb. Because of me you lost your house and your business. Maybe it would've been better if I'd never come at all.
Herb: Maybe I would've been better off? Maybe? As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother.

Herb: Herb DeVito, Danny: People don't want cars named after hungry old Greek broads.

Herb: [Holding baby Maggie] Homer, you're the richest man I know.
Homer: I feel the same way about you.

Herb: [on phone] Okay, this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna hang up, call me back, and say the exact opposite of everything you just said. Goodbye.
[hangs up]
Herb: Bart, Lisa, come over here.
Lisa Simpson: What is it, Unkie Herb?
Herb: I want you to hear what the guys down at the plant think of your old man.
[phone rings]
Herb: Hello?
Engineer: Um, Homer Simpson is a... brilliant man with lots of well thought-out, practical, ideas. He is insuring the financial security of this company for years to come. Oh yes, and his personal hygiene is above reproach.