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: Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew two thousand bucks on it, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks. Herb
: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass? Homer Simpson
: I try, but I can't.
: Lisa, aren't you happy to see me? Lisa
: Why didn't you write, Unky Herb? Herb
: Hey, if I wrote to you, what was I supposed to say? "Dear Lisa, last night I used a rat for a pillow, thanks to your pop?" Lisa
: I see your point.
: [about to meet Homer again
] What do I say to this guy? This is the guy who ruined me! On the other hand, he's family. So many emotions, how do I express them? Homer Simpson
: [Opens the door and sees Herb
[Herb punches him across the face, and Homer collapses to the ground
: [referring to himself
] How would you like to spend $2,000 to give a broken man a second chance? Homer
: Alright, Herb, we'll give you the money. But you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother. Herb
: Nope. Homer
: Okay, then just give me the drinking bird.
: Let me show you this.
[Herb sets a drinking bird mechanism on the table
] It's drinking the water! Herb
: Take it easy, Homer. Now, this device shows how a product, carefully marketed... Homer
: This is the greatest invention in the world! You'll make a million dollars! Herb
: No, Homer, that invention is out already. Anyway ... Homer
] Heheheheh, it's going back for more!
[Herb is losing at Monopoly
] That's all I got! Homer
] Broke again, eh Herb? Just like in real life. I guess you're just not much of a businessman.
[Herb punches Homer
: [rings Simpsons' bell
] Now, what do I do? I mean, this is the guy who ruined me. Then again, he's my brother... So many conflicting emotions. How to express them? Homer
: [opens door
[Herb punches him in the face
: [Herb is telling a bunch of fellow bums about how he lost a successful car company
] Life was sweet. Then I found out I had a long lost half-brother. I let him
: design a car that would either make or break my company. Forbes magazine called it "The Blunder of the Century". Little overblown, don't you think?
: Oh, Herb. Because of me you lost your house and your business. Maybe it would've been better if I'd never come at all. Herb
: Maybe I would've been better off? Maybe? As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother.
: Herb DeVito, Danny: People don't want cars named after hungry old Greek broads.
: [Holding baby Maggie
] Homer, you're the richest man I know. Homer
: I feel the same way about you.
: [on phone
] Okay, this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna hang up, call me back, and say the exact opposite of everything you just said. Goodbye.
: Bart, Lisa, come over here. Lisa Simpson
: What is it, Unkie Herb? Herb
: I want you to hear what the guys down at the plant think of your old man.
: Hello? Engineer
: Um, Homer Simpson is a... brilliant man with lots of well thought-out, practical, ideas. He is insuring the financial security of this company for years to come. Oh yes, and his personal hygiene is above reproach.