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[while flying in a helicopter with Air Cavalry soldiers
: Why do all you guys sit on your helmets? Soldier
: So we don't get our balls blown off.
: This Colonel guy? He's wacko, man! He's worse than crazy. He's evil. It's fuckin' pagan idolatry. Look around you. Shit! He's loco... I ain't afraid of all them fuckin' skulls and altars and shit. I used to think if I died in an evil place, then my soul wouldn't be able to make it to Heaven. But now? Fuck! I mean, I don't care where it goes, as long as it ain't here. So whaddya wanna do? I'll kill the fuck.
: My mission is to make it up into Cambodia. There's a Green Beret Colonel up there who's gone insane. I'm supposed to kill him. Chef
: What? Oh, that's typical! Shit! Fuckin' Vietnam mission! I'm short, and we gotta go up there so you can kill one of our own guys? That's fuckin' great! That's just fuckin' great! Shit! That's fuckin' crazy! I thought you were going in there to blow up a bridge, or some fucking railroad tracks or something! Willard
: I'm sorry. Look, I'll cut you loose here and you can turn around and... Chef
] No, no, we go together... on the boat! We came this far, so we go together. All the way! We'll take you up there, we'll go with you... but on the boat! Okay?
[the boat has arrived at the Do Lung bridge, which is a combat zone
: Lance! Hey, Lance! What do you think? Lance
: It's beautiful! Chef
: What's the matter with you? You're acting kinda weird! Lance
: Hey, you know that last tab of acid I was saving? I dropped it. Chef
: You dropped acid?... Far out!
] What are you talking about? Chief Quartermaster (QMC) Phillips
: We're taking her to some friendlies, Captain. She's wounded, she's not dead. Willard
: Get off there, Chef.
[Willard shoots the injured girl
: Fuck it! Willard
: [to Chief
] I told you not to stop. Now let's go!
: [after having encountered a tiger in the jungle, returning to the boat, and proceeding into a nervous breakdown
] You can have the whole goddamn fuckin' shit, man! You can kiss my ass in the county square cause I'm fuckin' buggin' out! I didn't come here for this! I don't fuckin' need it, I don't want it! I didn't get out of the goddamn Eighth grade for this kinda shit! All I wanted to do was fuckin' cook! I just wanted to learn to fuckin' cook, man!
: How come you guys sit on your helmet? Door Gunner
: So we don't get our balls blown off!
: I was supposed to go to Paris, study at the Escoffier School. That's when I got my orders. Well, I joined the Navy. Heard they had better food. Cook school, that did it. Willard
: Oh yeah? How's that? Chef
: [mutters something
] They lined us up in front of a hundred yards of prime rib. All of us, you know, lined up and looking at it. Magnificent meat! Really! Beautifully marbled... magnifique! Next thing, they're throwing the meat into these big cauldrons. All of it, boiling it. I looked inside, man, and it was turning gray. I couldn't fuckin' believe that one!