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: Somebody took my phone number and called Afghanistan. Afghanastan. I've never talked to anyone in Afghanistan, I don't know nobody in Afghanistan, and even if did know anyone, I wouldn't talk to that Afghan ass for three hours. I won't talk to my daddy for three hours.
[Looking at a corpse
: Ah, shit. He's dead, man. He's fuckin' dead, man. Yeah, this is how he wanted to come to America, right? Where was he, in The Killing Section? This guy's been shot 4 times. At close range, like he was executed. Roger Murtaugh
: He WAS executed. Martin Riggs
: Yeah, by the crew. Butters
: What the FUCK, man? We got people gettin' killed left, right and center in this town; now we're IMPORTING victims? Hey, gangbangers wanna kill each other? No problem. You or me, one of us gets shot? Hey, occupational hazard. But just a normal guy, THIS fuckin' guy? What the fuck did he ever do to anybody? That ain't right.
: Hey Riggs, who's the perp? What did ya bust him for? Lee Butters
: Oh, I'm a perp? You see a young brother in the back of a police car, automatically I'm a perp. Look at my suit, look at my tie. What do I look like, the fuckin' Crip's accountant? Look at this badge, bitch. Check out the gun. Leo Getz
: Whoa, hey hey hey, put the gun down, put the gun down.
: It's about time they poured in some new blood. I just don't want it coming out of me.
: You have the right to remain silent, so shut the fuck up, okay? You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, we'll provide you with the dumbest fucking lawyer on earth. If you get Johnny Cochrane, I'll kill ya!
: Hey Riggs, why did you call him my son-in-law? Lee Butters
: 'Cause I aaaam.
[Butters is pointing a gun at Leo's head after being mistaken for a perp
: License. Registration. Urine Sample. Leo
: Hey, hey, hey, German Jews didn't have it any easier when we were kids, so don't think you're the only one, okay? Okay? Besides, I was just kiddin' with ya. I can smell a cop a mile away. Butters
: Oh, I smell bad, what'chu trying to say? Leo
: Well, stop turning everything around. You're so damned touchy. Hey, we might even work together, me and those two work together, I'm the bomb, they'll tell ya, I'm great. Butters
: Yeah, we're gonna work together as soon as I open up a cereal factory, ya fucking leprechaun. Leo
: Hey, I didn't call you names, ya fuckface! Don't start now!
[interrogating Uncle Benny at a private dentist's office after accidentally filling the room with nitrous oxide
] Roger Murtaugh
: [laughing and pointing to the gas mask that Butters is holding
] Hey... Hey, what's that you got there? Butters
] Uh... A nut cup? I got some big nuts.
[Roger takes the mask from Butters and inhales deeply
] Roger Murtaugh
: That's nitro... oxide? Butters
: [laughing harder
] It's laughing gas. Roger Murtaugh
] We... W-W-We're stoned.
: [chasing a chinese suspect
] Stop in Chinese, motherfucker!