Dr. Heywood Floyd
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Quotes for
Dr. Heywood Floyd (Character)
from 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

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2010 (1984)
Dr. Heywood Floyd: You just read that report? Took you this long to steal our secrets?
Dimitri Moisevitch: How long does it take for your people to steal ours?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Same amount of time.

Dr. Heywood Floyd: I do seem to remember a process where you people ask me questions and I give you answers, and then I ask you questions and you give me answers, and that's the way we find out things. I think I read that in a manual somewhere.

Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't know if HAL is homicidal, suicidal, neurotic, psychotic, or just plain broken.

Victor Milson: So, here we are on your actual brink. My agency's going to become a part of the military, I've got a president with his finger poised on the button, and you want me to walk across the park and tell him we want to hitch a ride with those very same Russians. Have I missed anything?
Heywood Floyd: That's about it.

Heywood Floyd: I'd love a hot dog.
Walter Curnow: Astrodome. Good hot dogs there.
Heywood Floyd: Astrodome? You can't grow a good hot dog indoors. Yankee Stadium. September. The hot dogs have been boiling since opening day in April. Now that's a hot dog.
Walter Curnow: The yellow mustard or the darker kind?
Heywood Floyd: The darker kind.
Walter Curnow: Very important.

Dave Bowman: You see, something's going to happen. You must leave.
Heywood Floyd: What? What's going to happen?
Dave Bowman: Something wonderful.
Heywood Floyd: What?
Dave Bowman: I understand how you feel. You see, it's all very clear to me now. The whole thing. It's wonderful.

Dr. Heywood Floyd: Someday, the children of the new sun will meet the children of the old. I think they will be our friends.

Tanya Kirbuk: You think I was wrong to send Max.
Heywood Floyd: Doesn't matter what I think.
Tanya Kirbuk: You think I was wrong.
Heywood Floyd: Yep.

Heywood Floyd: [referencing Discovery's schematic diagrams] Are these the power connections for all the control-based circuits?
Walter Curnow: Most of them, yeah.
Heywood Floyd: What other ones are there?
Walter Curnow: Well, all the environmental controls are fed with this one here...
Heywood Floyd: Yeah yeah yeah, but this is the one that feeds into HAL, right?
Walter Curnow: Right.
Heywood Floyd: Okay... I want you to install this little beauty... right about... there. Just inside the cable trunking.
[hands a small device to Curnow]
Heywood Floyd: I want you to put it where no one can find it without a deliberate search.
Walter Curnow: No shit?
Heywood Floyd: No shit.
Walter Curnow: This is pretty sweet... Non-conducting blade, so there won't be any short-circuits when you trigger it... Where's the remote control?
Heywood Floyd: If I trigger it. The control's in my compartment. Little red calculator? You've seen it. You put in nine '9s'. Take the square root, and then hit 'Integer.' In an emergency, even you could do it.
Walter Curnow: What kind of emergency?
Heywood Floyd: Well if I knew that, I wouldn't need this stupid thing now, would I?
[holds up the device]
Walter Curnow: Y'know, Chandra'd have kittens if he found out.
Heywood Floyd: Yeah. But he isn't gonna find out, is he.
Walter Curnow: Not from me. They could tear off my fingernails, I won't talk.
Heywood Floyd: Good. Install it tonight when he's asleep. If he ever does sleep.
Walter Curnow: How can you tell?

Heywood Floyd: Reason? There's no TIME to be reasonable!

Tanya Kirbuk: We are going to send a probe.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Gooood!

Dr. Vasili Orlov: What was that all about?
Chandra: I've erased all of HAL's memory from the moment the trouble started.
Dr. Vasili Orlov: The 9000 series uses holographic memories, so chronological erasures would not work.
Chandra: I made a tapeworm.
Walter Curnow: You made a what?
Chandra: It's a program that's fed into a system that will hunt down and destroy any desired memories.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Wait... do you know why HAL did what he did?
Chandra: Yes. It wasn't his fault.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Whose fault was it?
Chandra: Yours.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Mine?
Chandra: Yours. In going through HAL's memory banks, I discovered his original orders. You wrote those orders. Discovery's mission to Jupiter was already in the advanced planning stages when the first small Monolith was found on the Moon, and sent its signal towards Jupiter. By direct presidential order, the existence of that Monolith was kept secret.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: So?
Chandra: So, as the function of the command crew - Bowman and Poole - was to get Discovery to its destination, it was decided that they should not be informed. The investigative team was trained separately, and placed in hibernation before the voyage began. Since HAL was capable of operating Discovery without human assistance, it was decided that he should be programmed to complete the mission autonomously in the event the crew was incapacitated or killed. He was given full knowledge of the true objective... and instructed not to reveal anything to Bowman or Poole. He was instructed to lie.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What are you talking about? I didn't authorize anyone to tell HAL about the Monolith!
Chandra: Directive is NSC 342/23, top secret, January 30, 2001.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: NSC... National Security Council, the White House.
Chandra: I don't care who it is. The situation was in conflict with the basic purpose of HAL's design: The accurate processing of information without distortion or concealment. He became trapped. The technical term is an H. Moebius loop, which can happen in advanced computers with autonomous goal-seeking programs.
Walter Curnow: The goddamn White House.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't believe it.
Chandra: HAL was told to lie... by people who find it easy to lie. HAL doesn't know how, so he couldn't function. He became paranoid.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Those sons of bitches. I didn't know. I didn't know!

HAL 9000: Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What is it HAL?
HAL 9000: There is a message for you.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who's calling?
HAL 9000: There is no identification.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What's the message?
HAL 9000: Message as follows: "It is dangerous to remain here. You must leave within two days."
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?

HAL 9000: Do you want me to repeat the message, Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who recorded it?
HAL 9000: This is not a recording.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who's sending it?
HAL 9000: There is no identification.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't understand.
HAL 9000: Neither do I.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Is this message by voice or keyboard?
HAL 9000: I don't know.

Heywood Floyd: My response is, we don't have enough fuel for an earlier departure.
HAL 9000: The answer is, "I am aware of these facts. Nevertheless you must leave within two days."
Heywood Floyd: HAL, who the hell is sending this?
HAL 9000: I'm sorry, Dr. Floyd, I don't know.
Heywood Floyd: Well, tell whoever it is that I can't take any of this seriously unless I know who I'm talking to.
HAL 9000: Dr. Floyd?
Heywood Floyd: Yes?
HAL 9000: The response is, "I was David Bowman."

HAL 9000: Do you want me to repeat the last response?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: No, no. Tell Curnow that this is no time for jokes.
HAL 9000: Dr. Curnow is not sending the message. He is in access way two.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Well, tell whoever it is that I can't accept that identification without proof.
HAL 9000: The response is, "I understand. It is important that you believe me. Look behind you."
[Floyd does, and looks shocked to see Dave Bowman standing in the corridor]

Christopher Floyd: [while exercising] How far away is Jupiter?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Far.
Christopher Floyd: Why does it take two and a half years to go and come back?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: It's so far.
Christopher Floyd: Why don't you go faster?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Can't.
Christopher Floyd: Oh. Are you gonna forget about me?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: No. I love you.
Christopher Floyd: I won't forget about you.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: We'll be able to talk to each other, see each other on television.
Christopher Floyd: Oh. Daddy?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
Christopher Floyd: Mommy said you'd be asleep for a long time. Are you gonna die?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
Christopher Floyd: Are you gonna die?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Why do you say that?
Christopher Floyd: When Jamie's grandfather died, Mommy said he'd be asleep for a long time.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: No, no, no. This is different. They're gonna put me asleep in orbit... and you'd have to sleep on the way up, and sleep on the way down, otherwise... you'd go cuckoo... and there wouldn't be enough food aboard the flight for everybody.
Christopher Floyd: Oh. I don't understand.

Caroline Floyd: I want to be grown-up and understanding about all this, I really do... I try so hard, but I can't. This won't bring those men back. You've been killing yourself over something you did, or something you didn't do right, and now you're looking for absolution... You know, you could get yourself killed.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I'll be scared enough for both of us.

Tanya Kirbuk: What do you think that is?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't know. You think Max knows?
Tanya Kirbuk: Dr. Floyd, you are not a very practical man.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [gesturing to the monolith outside the cockpit window] Look at that thing. Tell me what practical is.

Tanya Kirbuk: Tell me, Dr. Floyd, what has happened to American bravery?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [testy] It's alive and well, thank you. What happened to Russian common sense?

Dimitri Moisevitch: Have you checked Discovery's orbit lately?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
Dimitri Moisevitch: Have you checked the orbit?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What about it?
Dimitri Moisevitch: Now it's getting chilly here. This is very bad for my asthma.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: You know damn well we've been checking it!
Dimitri Moisevitch: I have enjoyed our little chat, Dr. Floyd.
[turns to walk away]
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What is it you're not telling me?
Dimitri Moisevitch: You are a smart man, Dr. Floyd. You will know what to do.

Dimitri Moisevitch: Here we have our quandary: we are going to get there first, yet you have the knowledge to make the trip work.
[realization dawns across Dr. Floyd's face]
Dimitri Moisevitch: How much time do I have left?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: You just bought yourself an extension.

Dr. Heywood Floyd: [Seeing Curnow has woken from hibernation] How do you feel?
Walter Curnow: Ugh. Like shit.

Dr. Heywood Floyd: Dear Caroline: I miss you terribly. The time has come to put ourselves in an orbit around Io, which is where Discovery is. We don't have enough fuel to slow ourselves down, so we are about to use a technique called aerobraking. The theory is, we will enter the outer layer of Jupiter's atmosphere using what is called a "ballute" for a shield. The atmosphere will slow us down, and Jupiter's gravity will grab hold of us and slingshot us around behind the dark side. If all goes well, we'll wind up in a gentle orbit around Io. It's dynamite on paper. Of course the people who came up with the numbers on the paper aren't here. Since no one has ever done this before, everyone up here is as scared as I am. The difference is, they're busy. I have nothing to do but wait for it to happen. I hope this is all worth it.

Dr. Heywood Floyd: Maybe Max should extend the pod's arms. Put the hands out.
Dr. Vasili Orlov: Are you serious?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Yes.
Walter Curnow: I don't know about you, but that thing with its claws in the air would scare the piss out of me.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Maybe you're right.

[last lines]
Dr. Heywood Floyd: My dear Christopher, this is the last time I'll be able to speak to you for a long while. I'm trying to put into words what has happened. Maybe that's for historians to do sometime later. They will record that the next day, the President of the United States looked out of the White House window and the Premier of the Soviet Union looked out of the Kremlin window, and saw the new distant sun in the sky. They read the message, and perhaps they learned something because they finally recalled their ships and their planes. I am going to sleep now. I will dream of you and your mother. I will sleep knowing that you are both safe, that the fear is over. We have seen the process of life take place. Maybe this is the way it happened on Earth millions of years ago. Maybe it's something completely different. I still don't know really what the monolith is. I think it's many things. An embassy for an intelligence beyond ours. A shape of some kind for something that has no shape. Your children will be born in a world of two suns. They will never know a sky without them. You can tell them that you remember when there was a pitch black sky with no bright star, and people feared the night. You can tell them when we were alone, when we couldn't point to the light and say to ourselves - 'There is life out there.' Someday, the children of the new sun will meet the children of the old. I think they will be our friends. You can tell your children of the day when everyone looked up and realized that we were only tenants of this world. We have been given a new lease and a warning from the landlord.

Dr. Heywood Floyd: We have enough fuel in Discovery for a launch.
[Floyd sticks a pencil to a vertical pane of glass, picks up a pen]
Dr. Heywood Floyd: You have enough fuel in the Leonov for the trip back home.
[the "Discovery" pencil falls with a clatter]

Dr. Heywood Floyd: You've done a spectral analysis?
Dr. Vasili Orlov: Of course I have.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: And...
Dr. Vasili Orlov: And what?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Dr. Orlov, I'm not taking a survey, if you've done the analysis what are the results?
Dr. Vasili Orlov: Nothing conclusive.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Molecular breakdown?
Dr. Vasili Orlov: If you look carefully at the last page of the data, you will find the answer.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [after looking at the data] I don't understand this, if this data's correct, then there's something down there.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Can't be correct?
Dr. Vasili Orlov: It is correct.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Is it moving?
Dr. Vasili Orlov: Yes.
[long pause]

Dr. Heywood Floyd: [Looks around the table to see the cosmonauts all nervous and edgy; sighs, takes off glasses] All right, what's going on here?
Tanya Kirbuk: What do you mean?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Well, I may not be the swiftest guy in the world, even when I'm not hung over, but I do seem to remember a process where you people ask me questions and I give you answers and then I ask questions and you give me answers and that's the way we find out things. I think I read that in a manual somewhere.
Tanya Kirbuk: Your government wanted us to awaken you when we reported our findings. We did that. You are here to help us reactivate the Discovery and its computer systems because that is United States territory. You are authorized to observe other aspects of our mission. We have no other obligation.
Dr. Vladimir Rudenko: A lot has happened while you have been asleep.
Dr. Vasili Orlov: It is not our choice.
Tanya Kirbuk: The problem in Central America is growing worse.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: This looks as if you've detected the presence of chlorophyll.
Tanya Kirbuk: [interrupts him] The United States is threatening a naval blockade.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [interrupts her in turn] There's nothing but ice down there so how can there be any chlorophyll?
Tanya Kirbuk: [interrupts him again] You know and I know that my country cannot allow a blockade.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: How fast it is moving?
Tanya Kirbuk: [continues to talk over him] We are under instruction...
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Listen, just because our governments are behaving like asses doesn't mean we have to. We're supposed to be scientists, not politicians, how fast?
Tanya Kirbuk: Doctor Floyd, I am also an officer of the Soviet Air Force...
Dr. Heywood Floyd: HOW FAST?
Dr. Vasili Orlov: One meter per minute.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [speaking to her] Don't worry, I'm just observing.
[speaking to him]
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Toward the sun?
Dr. Vasili Orlov: Yes.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: That's incredible.
Tanya Kirbuk: We are going to send a probe down.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: GOOD.

Tanya Kirbuk: I didn't know you brought liquor on board. It is forbidden.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: You think I'd step foot on this tub sober?

Walter Curnow: You had us scared for a moment.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Nice work. Are you all right?
Chandra: Yes, I'm all right.
[Pulls out sabotage device Floyd had Curnow install in HAL's power circuit and gives it to Floyd]
Chandra: I thought you might want this.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [clears throat] When?
Chandra: Wasn't very hard to find. Yeah I knew you'd do something like this.

Dr. Heywood Floyd: Curnow, have you heard the one about the marathon runner and the chicken?
Walter Curnow: Don't patronize me. I'm getting nauseous.
Maxim Brajlovsky: If you vomit, you will choke.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Don't close your eyes. Look at the middle of Discovery. The middle, not the ends. Look at the part where it's moving the least. Don't take your eyes off it.
Walter Curnow: l'm gonna throw up. I'm an engineer, goddamn it! Maybe you'd better patronize me a little. What about the marathon runner?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Ah - I made it up.

Dr. Heywood Floyd: Buy you a drink? Great stuff, this bourbon. It comes from a land called Kentucky.
Tanya Kirbuk: I didn't know you brought liquor on board. It is forbidden.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: You think I'd set foot on this tub sober? Come on, try it. You can't beat the taste of alcohol and plastic.
Tanya Kirbuk: You think I was wrong to send Max?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Doesn't matter what I think.
Tanya Kirbuk: You think I was wrong
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Yep.
Tanya Kirbuk: [drinks bourbon] So what else do they do in Kentucky?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Uh, they have a big, big horse race. They play very good basketball. They have babies like everyone else.
Tanya Kirbuk: That sounds like a very nice place.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I've never been there.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
[choosing sandwiches from a cooler while flying over the lunar surface]
Dr. Floyd: What's that? Chicken?
Dr. Bill Michaels: Something like that. Tastes the same anyway.

[last lines]
Dr. Floyd: [prerecorded message speaking through TV on board Discovery while Bowman looks on] Good day, gentlemen. This is a prerecorded briefing made prior to your departure and which for security reasons of the highest importance has been known on board during the mission only by your H-A-L 9000 computer. Now that you are in Jupiter's space and the entire crew is revived it can be told to you. Eighteen months ago the first evidence of intelligent life off the Earth was discovered. It was buried 40 feet below the lunar surface near the crater Tycho. Except for a single very powerful radio emission aimed at Jupiter the four-million year old black monolith has remained completely inert. Its origin and purpose are still a total mystery.

Elena: Oh, we're going home. We have just spent three months calibrating the new antennae at Tchalinko... And what about you?
Dr. Floyd: I'm just on my way up to Clavius.

Dr. Floyd: [upon learning about the monolith while on the moonbus] Deliberately buried. Huh!

Dr. Floyd: [after completing the space station's voice-print identification] See you on the way back.

Dr Floyd: Don't suppose you have any idea what the damn thing is, huh?
Dr. Rolf Halvorsen: Wish to hell we did.

Dr. Floyd: You guys have really come up with somethin'.

Dr Floyd: Can't you think of anything else you want for your birthday? Something very special?
Floyd's Daughter: Yes.
Dr Floyd: What?
Floyd's Daughter: A bush baby.
Dr Floyd: A bush baby! Well, we'll have to see about that.

Floyd's Daughter: Hello?
Dr. Floyd: Hello!
Floyd's Daughter: Hello.
Dr. Floyd: How're you doing, squirt?
Floyd's Daughter: All right.
Dr. Floyd: What are you doing?
Floyd's Daughter: Playing.
Dr. Floyd: Where's mommy?
Floyd's Daughter: Gone to shopping.
Dr. Floyd: Well, who's taking care of you?
Floyd's Daughter: Rachel.
Dr. Floyd: May I speak to Rachel, please?
Floyd's Daughter: She's gone to the bathroom.

Dr. Floyd: I'm sorry, I'm simply not at liberty to say.

Dr Floyd: Now I'm sure you're all aware of the extremely grave potential for cultural shock and social disorientation contained in this present situation, if the facts were prematurely and suddenly made public without adequate preparation and conditioning.