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: I wanna see breasts. I wanna see Jamie Lee's breasts. When do we see Jamie Lee's breasts? Randy
: Breasts? Not until "Trading Places" in 1983. Jamie Lee was always a virgin in horror movies. She didn't show her tits 'til she went legits.
: As if. Randy
: Oh, really, Alicia?
: How do you - gut someone? Stu
: You take a knife and you slit 'em from groin to sternum. Billy
: Hey. It's called tact, you fuck-rag.
: Shit... Billy
: What? Stu
: Oh, shit. Billy
: [They go into the kitchen to find Sidney and Mr. Prescott gone
] Where are they? Where are they? Stu
: I don't know, Billy, but I'm hurtin', man!
[the phone rings
: Should I let the machine get it? Billy
: [answers it
] Hello? Sidney Prescott
: Are you alone in the house? Billy
: Bitch! You bitch, where the fuck are you? Sidney Prescott
: Not so fast, we're going to play a little game. It's called: Guess who just called the police and reported your sorry motherfucking ass!
[Stu is slowly collapsing to the floor
: Find her, you dipshit! Get up! Stu
: I can't, Billy. You already cut me too deep. I think I'm dying here, man!
[Billy gives Stu the phone
] Talk to her. Talk to her. Stu
: Hello? Sidney Prescott
: Ah, Stu, Stu, Stu... What's your motive? Billy's got one. The police are on their way. What are you going to tell them? Stu
: Peer pressure. I'm far too sensitive.
[Billy takes the phone back
: I'm going to rip you up, bitch, just like your fucking mother! Sidney Prescott
: You've gotta find me first, you pansy-ass momma's boy! Billy
[He accidentally hits Stu with the phone
: Ow! You fuckin' hit me with the phone, dick!
: I will totally protect you. Yo, I am so buff, I got you covered, girl.
: Did you really call the police? Sidney Prescott
: You bet your sorry ass I did. Stu
: [starting to cry
] My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me!
: [speaking into voicebox
] Surprise, Sidney.
: There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex.
: BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay? Number two: you can never drink or do drugs.
[crowd cheers and raises their bottles
: The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back. Stu
: I'm gettin' another beer, you want one? Randy
: Yeah, sure. Stu
: I'll be right back.
: See, you push the laws and you end up dead. Okay, I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife.
: I always had a thing for ya, Sid!
[She bites his hand and he screams
: Ohhhhh, God! Bitch! Sidney Prescott
: In your dreams!
[She shoves the television at him
: Liver alone!
: Because there's no way a girl could have killed them. Tatum
: That is so sexist. The killer could easily be female. Basic Instinct. Randy
: That was an ice pick. Not exactly the same thing. Stu
: Yeah, Casey and Steve were completely hollowed out. Takes a man to do something like that. Tatum
: Or a man's mentality.
: I didn't kill anybody. Billy
: Nobody said you did. Stu
: Thanks, buddy! Randy
: Besides... "Takes a MAN to do something like that!" Stu
: I ought to gut your ass in a second, kid. Randy
: [using Jerry Lewis' voice
] Tell me something. Did you really put her liver in the mailbox? Because I heard they found her liver in the mailbox next to her spleen and her pancreas.
[Billy and Stu are looking for the gun
: Where the fuck is it? Gale
: [off camera
] Right here, asshole. Billy
: I thought she was dead. Stu
: She looked dead, man. Still does.
[a student dressed as the Ghostface killer is running down the halls screaming
] Sidney Prescott
: Why are they doing this? Stu
: Look at this place, it's like Christmas! Tatum
: [to Stu
] Stupidity leak!
: Why? Why did you kill my mother? Billy
: Why? WHY! You hear that, Stu? I think she wants a motive.
: Well, I don't really believe in motives, Sid. I mean did Norman Bates have a motive? Stu
: No. Billy
: Did we ever find out why Hannibal Lecter like to eat people? DON'T THINK SO! See, it's a lot more scarier when there's no motive, Sid. We did your Mom a favour, Sid. That woman was a slut-bag whore who flashed her shit all over town like she was Sharon Stone or somethin'. Stu
: Yeah, we put her out of her misery, 'cause let's face Sidney, your mother was no Sharon Stone, hmm? Billy
: Is that motive enough for you? How about this? Your slut mother was fucking my father, and she's the reason my mom moved out and abandoned me.
[Sid looks astonished
: How's that for a motive? Maternal abandonment causes serious deviant behavior. It certainly fucked you up. It made you have sex with a psychopath. Stu
: That's right. You gave it up. Now, you're no longer a virgin. You're not a virgin. Now you got to die. Those are the rules. Billy
: So, this game is like a scary movie, Sid. How do you think it's going to end? Stu
: Oh, this is the greatest fun. You're going to love this. We got a surprise for you, Sidney. Yeah, you're going to love this one. It's a scream, baby. Hold a second, be right back.