Stuart
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Quotes for
Stuart (Character)
from Scream (1996)

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Scream (1996)
Stu: I wanna see breasts. I wanna see Jamie Lee's breasts. When do we see Jamie Lee's breasts?
Randy: Breasts? Not until "Trading Places" in 1983. Jamie Lee was always a virgin in horror movies. She didn't show her tits 'til she went legits.

Stu: As if.
Randy: Oh, really, Alicia?

Sidney Prescott: How do you - gut someone?
Stu: You take a knife and you slit 'em from groin to sternum.
Billy: Hey. It's called tact, you fuck-rag.

Stu: Shit...
Billy: What?
Stu: Oh, shit.
Billy: [They go into the kitchen to find Sidney and Mr. Prescott gone] Where are they? Where are they?
Stu: I don't know, Billy, but I'm hurtin', man!
[the phone rings]
Stu: Should I let the machine get it?
Billy: [answers it] Hello?
Sidney Prescott: Are you alone in the house?
Billy: Bitch! You bitch, where the fuck are you?
Sidney Prescott: Not so fast, we're going to play a little game. It's called: Guess who just called the police and reported your sorry motherfucking ass!
[Stu is slowly collapsing to the floor]
Billy: Find her, you dipshit! Get up!
Stu: I can't, Billy. You already cut me too deep. I think I'm dying here, man!
[Billy gives Stu the phone]
Billy: [whispers] Talk to her. Talk to her.
Stu: Hello?
Sidney Prescott: Ah, Stu, Stu, Stu... What's your motive? Billy's got one. The police are on their way. What are you going to tell them?
Stu: Peer pressure. I'm far too sensitive.
[Billy takes the phone back]
Billy: I'm going to rip you up, bitch, just like your fucking mother!
Sidney Prescott: You've gotta find me first, you pansy-ass momma's boy!
Billy: Fuck!
[He accidentally hits Stu with the phone]
Stu: Ow! You fuckin' hit me with the phone, dick!

Stu: I will totally protect you. Yo, I am so buff, I got you covered, girl.

Stu: Did you really call the police?
Sidney Prescott: You bet your sorry ass I did.
Stu: [starting to cry] My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me!

Stu: [speaking into voicebox] Surprise, Sidney.

Randy: There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex.
[crowd boos]
Randy: BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay? Number two: you can never drink or do drugs.
[crowd cheers and raises their bottles]
Randy: The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back.
Stu: I'm gettin' another beer, you want one?
Randy: Yeah, sure.
Stu: I'll be right back.
[crowd cheers]
Randy: See, you push the laws and you end up dead. Okay, I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife.

Stu: I always had a thing for ya, Sid!
[She bites his hand and he screams]
Stu: Ohhhhh, God! Bitch!
Sidney Prescott: In your dreams!
[She shoves the television at him]

Stu: Liver alone!

Stu: Because there's no way a girl could have killed them.
Tatum: That is so sexist. The killer could easily be female. Basic Instinct.
Randy: That was an ice pick. Not exactly the same thing.
Stu: Yeah, Casey and Steve were completely hollowed out. Takes a man to do something like that.
Tatum: Or a man's mentality.

Stu: I didn't kill anybody.
Billy: Nobody said you did.
Stu: Thanks, buddy!
Randy: Besides... "Takes a MAN to do something like that!"
Stu: I ought to gut your ass in a second, kid.
Randy: [using Jerry Lewis' voice] Tell me something. Did you really put her liver in the mailbox? Because I heard they found her liver in the mailbox next to her spleen and her pancreas.

[Billy and Stu are looking for the gun]
Billy: Where the fuck is it?
Gale: [off camera] Right here, asshole.
Billy: I thought she was dead.
Stu: She looked dead, man. Still does.

[a student dressed as the Ghostface killer is running down the halls screaming]
Sidney Prescott: Why are they doing this?
Stu: Look at this place, it's like Christmas!
Tatum: [to Stu] Stupidity leak!

Sidney Prescott: Why? Why did you kill my mother?
Billy: Why? WHY! You hear that, Stu? I think she wants a motive.
[Stu Chortles]
Billy: Well, I don't really believe in motives, Sid. I mean did Norman Bates have a motive?
Stu: No.
Billy: Did we ever find out why Hannibal Lecter like to eat people? DON'T THINK SO! See, it's a lot more scarier when there's no motive, Sid. We did your Mom a favour, Sid. That woman was a slut-bag whore who flashed her shit all over town like she was Sharon Stone or somethin'.
Stu: Yeah, we put her out of her misery, 'cause let's face Sidney, your mother was no Sharon Stone, hmm?
Billy: Is that motive enough for you? How about this? Your slut mother was fucking my father, and she's the reason my mom moved out and abandoned me.
[Sid looks astonished]
Billy: How's that for a motive? Maternal abandonment causes serious deviant behavior. It certainly fucked you up. It made you have sex with a psychopath.
Stu: That's right. You gave it up. Now, you're no longer a virgin. You're not a virgin. Now you got to die. Those are the rules.
Billy: So, this game is like a scary movie, Sid. How do you think it's going to end?
Stu: Oh, this is the greatest fun. You're going to love this. We got a surprise for you, Sidney. Yeah, you're going to love this one. It's a scream, baby. Hold a second, be right back.