Jonathan Carnahan
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Jonathan Carnahan (Character)
from The Mummy (1999)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Mummy Returns (2001)
Jonathan: I told you. I told you.
Meela: And your point is...?
Jonathan: My point is, I told you so you wouldn't kill me.
Meela: When did we make that arrangement?

Evelyn: Jonathan.
Jonathan: Yes?
Evelyn: That's my husband and my son down there. Make me proud.
Jonathan: Today's that day, Evy.

Rick: [Rick comes in and sees Jonathan being interrogated by thugs] Uh, hello. Jonathan, I thought I said no more wild parties.
Jonathan: Well, when you're popular...

Rick: What'd you do this time?
Jonathan: Well, I haven't done anything to anybody
[bullets fly through the door]
Jonathan: ... lately.

Rick: Okay - you're here, the bad guys are here, Evy's been kidnapped. Let me guess...
Ardeth Bay: Yes, they once again removed the creature from his grave.
Jonathan: I don't mean to point fingers, but isn't it your job to make sure that doesn't happen?

Jonathan: Pull me up. Pull me up.
[he sees the huge diamond on top of the pyramid]
Jonathan: Wait, wait. Let me down. Let me down.
Rick: It's not worth your life, you idiot.
Jonathan: Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

Ardeth Bay: [as Jonathan loads his rifle] You any good with that?
Jonathan: Five times Fox and Hounds Grand Champion, I'll have you know!
[nods at Ardeth's scimitar]
Jonathan: You any good with that?
Ardeth Bay: We'll know soon enough.
[in a flash, the scimitar is in his hand, out of his belt, and the blade rests against Jonathan's neck]
Ardeth Bay: Because the only way to kill an Anubis warrior is by taking off its head.
Jonathan: [swallows] I'll remember that.

Jonathan: [Jonathan and Shafek are being chased by pygmies and are running into the burial ground] Look! There's a burial ground. We're safe! We're safe! See those sacred stones? They'll never cross those.
Shafek: You are sure?
Jonathan: Yes, of course I'm sure.
[a pygmy runs past and stabs Shafek. Jonathan screams]
Jonathan: Sorry. My mistake.

Alex: [trying to start the car] Come on, come on!
[Johnathan turns the key and breaks it off]
Alex: You broke it, you broke it, you broke it!
Jonathan: Be quiet Alex! If there's going to be any hysterics, they'll come from me!

Rick: Where the hell's Jonathon?
Evelyn: [Jonathon drives up in a double-decker bus] Alex.
Rick: What's the matter with my car?
Jonathan: Well, I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.
Rick: A double-decker bus?
Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea.
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!
Rick: Just go!
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!

Jonathan: I say chaps, look at this. Shrunken heads. I'd love to know how they do that.
[Everybody looks strangely at Jonathan]
Jonathan: Just curious.

Ardeth Bay: I am sorry if I alarmed your son. But you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens!
Rick: We? What we?
Ardeth Bay: If he is not killed, he will raise the Army of Anubis!
Jonathan: I take it that's not a good thing?
Rick: Oh, he'll wipe out the world.
Jonathan: Ah, the old "Wipe-Out-The-World" ploy.

[last lines]
Izzy: Uh, that's half mine, you know.
Jonathan: What?
Izzy: [indicating the diamond] That's half mine.
Jonathan: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!
Jonathan: No, I have no id- I swear on the head of my wife I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: You haven't - you ain't got a wife!
Jonathan: I haven't got your gold stick either!
[they keep arguing and their voices fade as the ship sails off into the sunset]

Jonathan: Step aside, Alex... I'm a professional.

Rick: Alex I've got a big job for you. I want you to stay here and protect the car.
Jonathan: I can do that!
Alex: Protect the car? Come on, dad. Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Rick: I know.
Alex: [ruffles his hair] Dad!
Rick: Ehh...
Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, it's just me.
Rick: [to Jonathan about Alex] Maybe you should stay here and watch him.
Jonathan: Yes, now you're talking.

Jonathan: [after seeing Alex crying about his moms death] Try to think of it like this, Alex. She's gone to a better place. You know, like it says in the Good Book.
Alex: Book!
Jonathan: What?
Alex: That's it! That's it!
Jonathan: That's what?
Alex: [Jumps up and grabs Jonathan] Come on, Uncle Jon! Come on, come on!

Jonathan: [to Ardeth Bay] Where is all this stuff written?

Alex: [while Jonathan is fighting Meela] Efday shokran... efday shokran... Uncle Jon! I don't know what this last symbol is!
Jonathan: What does it look like?
Alex: It's a bird - a stork!
Jonathan: [ecstatic] I know that one! I know that one!
Alex: Then what is it?
Jonathan: [struggling with Meela] Ah... Ah...!
[throws her off]
Jonathan: [triumphantly] Amenophus!

Jonathan: What are we going to do? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
Alex: You're asking me? I'm only 8 years old, for Christ's sake!

Meela: [interrogating Jonathan] Where's your wife?
Jonathan: My wife? Oh you mean Evie, I think she went off to Baden-Baden or Tibet or something, the girl is a free spirit, did I mention I was single now?
Meela: [pulls a snake out of a basket] Egyptian Aps are quite poisonous
[one of her men holds a knife to Jonathan's throat]
Jonathan: [about the bracelet] It's downstairs in the safe the combination is 3,20,58,3,9,3 something, it's the safe downstairs I told you, I told you.
Meela: [pets and kisses the snake] And your point is?
[walks towards him and points the snake at his throat]
Jonathan: [backs away] I told you, I told you so you wouldn't kill me!
Meela: When did we make that arrangement?
[Rick enters and interrupts]
Rick: Oh hello
[sees Jonathan tied up and Meela and her men surrounding him]
Rick: Jonathan I thought I told you no more wild parties.
Jonathan: You know when you're popular.


The Mummy (1999)
Winston: So, what's your little problem got to do with His Majesty's Royal Air Corps?
Rick: Not a damn thing.
Winston: Is it dangerous?
Rick: Well, you probably won't live through it.
Winston: By Jove, do you really think so?
Jonathan: Well, everybody else we've bumped into has died. Why not you?

Evelyn: You lied to me.
Jonathan: I lie to everybody. What makes you so special?
Evelyn: I am your sister.
Jonathan: Yes, well that just makes you more gullible.

Rick: Let me get this straight, they ripped out your guts and they stuffed them in jars?
Evelyn: And they take out your heart as well. Oh, and you know how they took out your brains?
Jonathan: Evy, I don't think we need to know this
Evelyn: They take a sharp, red hot poker, stick it up your nose, scramble things about a bit, and then rip it all out through your nostrils.
Rick: Ooh, that's got to hurt.
Evelyn: It's called mummification, you'll be dead when they do this.
Rick: For the record, if I don't make it out of here, don't put me down for mummification.
Jonathan: Likewise.

Evelyn: [at Hamunaptra, opening Imhotep's sarcophagus] Oh my God, I hate it when these things do that.
Rick: Is he supposed to look like that?
Evelyn: No, I've never seen a mummy look like this before. He's still... still...
Rick, Jonathan: ...juicy.

Jonathan: [Jonathan hands Evy a strange box] My whole life I've never found anything, Evy. *Please* tell me I've found something.
Jonathan: [Evelyn opens the strange box, inside lies an ancient map] Jonathan?
Jonathan: Yes?
Evelyn: I think you found something.

Jonathan: [entering Sah-Netjer] Whew! What is that god-awful stench?
[smells the Warden climbing down right behind him]
Jonathan: Oh.

Evelyn: [Jonathan looks through the warden's pouch. Suddenly he cuts himself on something] What is it?
Jonathan: A broken bottle. Glenlivet. Twelve years old! Well, he may have been a stinky fellow, but he had good taste.

Rick: [to Evelyn who was just attacked/almost kissed by Imhotep] You all right?
Jonathan: [standing several feet behind Rick] Well, I'm not sure.

Evelyn: Have you no respect for the dead?
Jonathan: Of course I do, but sometimes I'd rather like to join them.
Evelyn: Well I wish you would do it sooner rather than later before you ruin my career the way you've ruined yours.

Jonathan: Well, I guess we go home empty handed. Again.
Rick: I wouldn't say that.
[Kisses Evy]
Jonathan: Oh please.
[to his camel]
Jonathan: How about you darling, would you like a little kissy-wissy?
[the camel breathes on him]
Jonathan: Whew!

Jonathan: [a scarab has just crawled under Jonathan's skin] Do something! Do something!
[Rick flicks a knife]
Jonathan: Not that! Not that!

Jonathan: [about a noise] What was that?
Rick: Sounds like... bugs.
Evelyn: [to the warden] He said 'bugs.'
Warden Gad Hassan: What do you mean bugs? I hate bugs!

Jonathan: Never did like camels. Filthy buggers. They smell, they bite, they spit.
[the warden spits]
Jonathan: Disgusting.

Jonathan: [they have just walked into a large room full of gold] Can you see...
Rick: Yeah.
Jonathan: Can you believe...
Rick: Yeah.
Jonathan: Can we just...
Rick: No.

Evelyn: [after the warden has died] What do you suppose killed him?
Jonathan: Did you ever see him eat?

Jonathan: [Trying to buy some camels from a Bedouin] I only want four! Four! I only want four, not a whole bloody herd! O'Connell! Can you believe the cheek?
Rick: Would you just pay the man!
Jonathan: Oh, for heaven's sake! Can't believe the price of these flea bags! Yes, happy. Very good.
Rick: You probably could have gotten them for free, all we had to do was give him your sister.
Jonathan: Yes. Yes. Awfully tempting, wasn't it?
Rick: [as Evelyn walks up looking beautiful in her new black clothes with a veil hiding her face except the eyes] Awf'lly...

Rick: This door doesn't open. She doesn't come out, and no one goes in.
[to Mr. Henderson]
Rick: Right?
Mr. Henderson: Right.
Rick: [to Mr. Daniels] Right?
Mr. Daniels: Right.
Rick: Let's go Jonathan.
Jonathan: Oh, well, I thought I could just stay at the fort and, uh, reconnoiter.
Rick: Now!
Jonathan: Yeah. Right. We're just gonna rescue the... Egyptologist.

Jonathan: [from deleted scene]
[as they are riding on camels, Jonathan accuses the Warden of things]
Jonathan: ... and you snore.
Warden Gad Hassan: I do not snore.
Jonathan: All night you snored.
Warden Gad Hassan: Break wind, maybe, but snore? *Never*!
Jonathan: And then there was the drooling. Anyway, how would you know? You were asleep.

Rick: [inspecting Imhotep's sarcophagus] This looks like some sort of a lock.
Jonathan: Well, whoever's in here sure wasn't getting out.

Evelyn: [upon inspecting the map to Hamunaptra] You see the cartouche there? It's the official royal seal of Seti I, I'm sure of it.
Jonathan: Two questions: Who the hell was Seti I? And was he rich?
Evelyn: He was the second pharaoh of the 19th dynasty, said to be the wealthiest pharaoh of them all.
Jonathan: That's good. I like this fellow. I like him very much.


The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)
[from trailer]
Jonathan Carnahan: I hate mummies. They never play fair.

[from trailer]
Jonathan Carnahan: [to Rick] You guys are like mummy magnets!

Jonathan Carnahan: Ah! My ass is on fire! My ass is on fire! Spank my ass. Spank my ass!

Evelyn O'Connell: What is that god awful smell?
Jonathan Carnahan: [covered in puke] The Yak yakked.

Jonathan Carnahan: You three-headed shape-shifting son-of-a-bitch.

Jonathan Carnahan: Die you mummy bastards. Die.
Mad Dog Maguire: There is no call for bad language.

Jonathan Carnahan: [during a chase scene] Where's Rick?
Evelyn O'Connell: Where do you think?

Jonathan Carnahan: [about Lin] She speaks Yeti?

Mad Dog Maguire: When this is over, me and my boys get free drinks!
Jonathan Carnahan: You can have the whole damn bar! I'm getting the hell out of China!

Jonathan Carnahan: Here's to you, princess! And Imhotep. May the bugger actually stay dead!

Jonathan Carnahan: [Trying to get Alex away from Mad Dog's girl] Alex, that woman is a tomb in which many pharaohs have laid in.

Alex O'Connell: Good going. You've raised another mummy.
Jonathan Carnahan: And this bugger's got super powers.

Jonathan Carnahan: As much as I want to stay boyishly handsome forever, Shang-ri La is a crock.
Rick O'Connell: That's what you use to say about mummies Jon and you did pretty well off it.
Jonathan Carnahan: Good point.

Rick O'Connell: Time to go to plan B. Blow up the tower.
Jonathan Carnahan: I'm actually a little concerned about plan B. Can't we go straight to plan C?
Rick O'Connell: Make it go bang. I'll cover ya.

Jonathan Carnahan: CRAWLING THROUGH SNOW. Why do I always have to be the one to save the day?

Jonathan Carnahan: LIGHTS DYNAMTIE WIRE. Yes I did it! LOOKS UP AT TOWER LACED WITH DYNAMITE STICKS. Holy mother... time for a retreat... TURNS TO RUN & STUMBLES AT YETI'S FEET. LOOKS AT YETI, POINTS TO HIMSELF & THEN THE YETI. I'm on your team! I'm on your team.

Jonathan Carnahan: That's a diamond. I could use a diamond like that.

Jonathan Carnahan: [TALKS TO YAK] IT's not easy being me, but then again I don't suppose its easy being you isn't it old girl? If I met a girl like you Geraldine you know hard working. Doesn't say much. Your'e a little bit hairy but I don't mind that.

Mad Dog Maguire: Off so soon?
Jonathan Carnahan: Well I just don't like goodbyes. You won't say anything will ya?
Mad Dog Maguire: Well, there are outstanding bills.
Jonathan Carnahan: Here.
[TAKES MONEY FROM POCKET, HANDS IT TO MADDOG]
Jonathan Carnahan: Have it all. I'm off to South America. Hot babes, beaches, and no mummies.
Mad Dog Maguire: [GESTURES TO WICKER CAT CARRIER IN JONATHAN'S HANDS] I didn't know you own a cat.
Jonathan Carnahan: Adverci amigo.


The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008) (VG)
Jonathan Carnahan: I *love* the smell of terracotta in the morning!

Jonathan Carnahan: I could've been in a bar, drinking champagne, talking to some ladies, playing dice, winning money!