Mr. Blonde
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Quotes for
Mr. Blonde (Character)
from Reservoir Dogs (1992)

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Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Nice Guy Eddie: Did you see that, daddy?
Joe: What?
Nice Guy Eddie: That guy got me on the ground and he tried to fuck me.
Mr. Blonde: You wish.
Nice Guy Eddie: Listen, Vic. Whatever you wanna do in the privacy of your own home, go do it. But don't try to fuck me in my father's office - I don't think of you that way. I like you a lot man, but I don't think of you that way.
Mr. Blonde: Eddie, if I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn't even throw you to the posse.
Nice Guy Eddie: Of course not, you'd keep me for yourself, you sick bastard. Four years of fuckin' punks up the ass you'd appreciate a piece of prime rib when you see one.

[first lines]
Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Blonde: No, no. It's about a girl who is very vulnerable. She's been fucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who's really sensitive...
Mr. Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Time out Greenbay. Tell that fucking bullshit to the tourists.
Joe: Toby... Who the fuck is Toby? Toby...
Mr. Brown: 'Like a Virgin' is not about this sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That's what "True Blue" is about, now, granted, no argument about that.
Mr. Orange: Which one is 'True Blue'?
Nice Guy Eddie: 'True Blue' was a big ass hit for Madonna. I don't even follow this Tops In Pops shit, and I've at least heard of "True Blue".
Mr. Orange: Look, asshole, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan.
Mr. Blonde: Personally, I can do without her.
Mr. Blue: I like her early stuff. You know, 'Lucky Star', 'Borderline' - but once she got into her 'Papa Don't Preach' phase, I don't know, I tuned out.
Mr. Brown: Hey, you guys are making me lose my... train of thought here. I was saying something, what was it?
Joe: Oh, Toby was this Chinese girl, what was her last name?
Mr. White: What's that?
Joe: I found this old address book in a jacket I ain't worn in a coon's age. What was that name?
Mr. Brown: What the fuck was I talking about?
Mr. Pink: You said 'True Blue' was about a nice girl, a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, and that 'Like a Virgin' was a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Brown: Lemme tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the 'Great Escape', he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain.
Joe: Chew? Toby Chew?
Mr. Brown: It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know, her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, 'Like a Virgin'.
Joe: Wong?

Mr. Blonde: Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get.
[He removes his razor]
Mr. Blonde: You ever listen to K-Billy's "Super Sounds of the Seventies" weekend? It's my personal favorite.

Mr. Blonde: Was that as good for you as it was for me?

Nice Guy Eddie: Yeah I'm sorry, I should have picked you up myself. This whole week has been fucked up, I've had my head up my ass the whole time.
Mr. Blonde: You know, that's funny, 'cause that's what me and your dad were just talkin' about.
Nice Guy Eddie: That I should have picked you up?
Mr. Blonde: No, that you got your head up your ass. I mean I walked in here and Joe's like, "Vic, thank god you're back. My son Eddie's a fuck-up. I mean I love the guy, but he's just flushin' everything down the toilet. He's ruining me." I mean that's what you said, right Joe? I'm not makin' this up.
Joe: I'm sorry you had to hear it like this Eddie. Vic asked me how business was, and you can't lie to a man who's done time for you.
Nice Guy Eddie: That's very true.
[he and Vic get into a wrestling contest]

Mr. Blonde: Listen, I appreciate what, you guys are doin' for me, but I was wonderin' when I can come back and, you know, do some real work.
Joe: Well, that's hard to say, It's kind of a strange time now. Things are a little...
Nice Guy Eddie: They're a little fucked-up is what they are. Listen we got a big meetin' goin' down in Vegas right now.
Joe: Just let Eddie for now set you up in Long Beach, get you some cash, Get this Scagnetti fuck off your back, and then we can start talkin' okay? Huh?
Nice Guy Eddie: Listen daddy, I got an idea. Now just, hear me out. Now, I know you don't like usin' the boys on jobs like these, but Vic has been nothin' but good luck for us. The guy's a fuckin' rabbits foot for cryin' out loud. I'd like to have him in. You know he's reliable and you damn well know trust him.
Joe: [pause] How would you feel about pulling off a job with about five other guys?
Mr. Blonde: I'd feel great about it.

Marvin: I already told you I don't know anything about any fucking setup; you can torture me all you want.
Mr. Blonde: Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that.

Mr. Blonde: Eddie, you keep talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch.

Mr. Blonde: Boy that was really exciting. I bet you're a big Lee Marvin fan aren't ya. Yeah me too. I love that guy. My heart's beatin' so fast I'm about to have a heart attack.

Mr. Blonde: Hey Joe, you want me to shoot this guy?
Mr. White: [laughs] Shit... You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.

[Nice Guy Eddie asks if anyone knows what happened to Mr. Blue]
Mr. Blonde: Either he's alive or he's dead, or the cops got him... or they don't.

Mr. Pink: Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've been here a long fucking time and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled *six* times.
Mr. Blonde: Six times. Well, what if she's too fucking busy?
Mr. Pink: The words "too fucking busy" shouldn't be in a waitress's vocabulary.
Nice Guy Eddie: Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but I think the last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee.

Mr. White: You can't leave this guy with them.
Nice Guy Eddie: Why not?
Mr. White: Because he's a fucking psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed off, that ain't nothing compared to how pissed off I am at him, for putting me in the same room as that bastard!
Mr. Blonde: See what I've been putting up with, Eddie? I fucking walked in here, I told these guys about staying put. Mr. White whips out his gun, he's sticking it in my face, calling me a motherfucker, saying he's gonna blow me away and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Mr. Pink: [about Mr. Blonde] He seems okay now, but he was crazy in the store.
Mr. White: This is what he was doing...
[mimics randomly shooting innocent bystanders]
Mr. White: Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!
Mr. Blonde: Yeah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I told 'em not to touch the alarm... but they touched it. If they hadn't done what I told 'em not to do, they'd still be alive.
Mr. White: [clapping] My fucking hero.
Mr. Blonde: [taking a bow] Thanks.
Mr. White: That's your excuse for going on a kill-crazy rampage?
Mr. Blonde: I don't like alarms, Mr. White.

Mr. Pink: [Mr. Blonde and Mr. White begin to quarrel; Mr. Pink pushes them away from each other] Hey, you two assholes knock it the fuck off and calm down! Cut the bullshit. We ain't on a fuckin' playground! I don't beleive this shit. Both of you guys got ten years on me and I'm the only one acting like a professional. You guys act like a bunch of fuckin' niggers. You wanna be niggers, huh? They're just like you two - always fightin' and always sayin' their gonna kill each other...
Mr. White: You said yourself you thought about takin' him out!
Mr. Blonde: You fuckin' said that?
Mr. Pink: Yeah, I did. But that time has passed. Right now, Mr. Blonde is the only one I completely trust. He's too fuckin' homicidal to be workin' with the cops.
Mr. White: You takin' his side?
Mr. Pink: No, man. Fuck sides! What we need here is a little solidarity! Somebody's shoving a red hot poker up our asses and I wanna find out whose name is on the handle. Now, I know I'm no piece of shit.
[referring to Mr. White]
Mr. Pink: And I'm pretty sure you're a good boy.
[referring to Mr. Blonde]
Mr. Pink: And I'm fucking positive you're on the level. So let's figure out who the bad guy is.

[Mr. Blonde has cut off Marvin's ear and begins talking into it]
Mr. Blonde: Hey what's goin' on? Can you hear that?

Mr. Pink: Mr. Blonde! What happened to you? We figured you were dead. Hey! You okay? Did you see what happened to Blue? We didn't know what happened to you and Blue, that's what we were wondering about.
[Blonde doesn't answer]
Mr. Pink: Come on! Look, Brown's dead and Orange got it in the belly...
Mr. White: ENOUGH! Enough! You better start talking asshole! Because we got shit we need to talk about! We're already freaked out. We need you acting freaky like we need a fuckin' bag on our hip!
Mr. Blonde: Okay, let's talk.

Mr. Blonde: Guess what, I think I'm parked in the red-zone!

Mr. Blonde: I might break you in, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch.

Mr. Blonde: You kids shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start cryin'.

LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Please! Please... Don't burn me, man.
Mr. Blonde: You all through? You all through?
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Look, I... I got a little kid at home. Now, PLEASE.
Mr. Blonde: [holding up a lighter] No, no, no, no, no, no. You all done? You all done? How 'bout a little fire, Scarecrow?

Joe: How does freedom feel?
Mr. Blonde: It's a change.

Joe: So who's your parole officer?
Mr. Blonde: Seymour Scagnetti.
Joe: What's he like?
Mr. Blonde: He's a fuckin' asshole.

[while cutting Marvin Nash's ear off]
Mr. Blonde: Hold still! Hold still, you fuck!

Mr. White: We're leaving. You should go with us.
Mr. Blonde: Nobody's goin' anywhere.
Mr. White: Piss on this fucking turd! We're outta here.

Mr. Pink: We still gotta get outta here.
Mr. Blonde: We're gonna sit here and wait.
Mr. White: For what, the cops?
Mr. Blonde: Nice Guy Eddie.
Mr. Pink: Nice Guy Eddie? What makes you think he isn't on a plane half way to Costa Rica?
Mr. Blonde: 'Cause I talked to him and he said he was on his way down here.
Mr. White: You talked to Nice Guy Eddie? Why the fuck didn't you say that in the first place?
Mr. Blonde: You didn't ask.
Mr. White: Hardy fuckin' har.

Mr. Blonde: What's this guy's problem?
Mr. White: Yeah I got a problem! I got a *big* fuckin' problem. Fuckin' trigger happy madman almost get's me shot!
Mr. Pink: What the fuck are you talking about?
Mr. White: That fuckin' shooting spree! In the store remember?
Mr. Blonde: Oh fuck 'em. They set off the alarm. They deserved what they got.
Mr. White: You almost killed me! Asshole! If I knew what kind of a guy you were I never would've agreed to work with you!
Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day little doggie? Or are you gonna bite?
Mr. White: What was that? I'm sorry I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it?
Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day little doggie? Or are you gonna bite?
[Mr. White lunges for Mr. Blonde who fights back. Mr. Pink steps in between them]
Mr. Pink: You two assholes, calm the fuck down! Hey, come on! What are we on a playground here? Am I the only professional? You're actin' like a bunch of fuckin' niggers man. Did you ever work with niggers? Just like you two always saying they're gonna kill each other!
Mr. White: You said yourself you thought about takin' him out!
Mr. Blonde: You fuckin' said that?
Mr. Pink: Yeah, I did, okay? But that was then! Right now this guy is the only I completely trust. He's too fuckin' homicidal to be workin' with the cops.
Mr. White: You takin' his side?
Mr. Pink: Fuck sides man what we need here is a little solidarity! Somebody's stickin' a red hot poker up our asses and I wanna know who's name's on the handle. Fuck. Look I know I'm no peice of shit.
[He turns to Mr. White]
Mr. Pink: And I'm pretty sure you're okay.
[He turns to Mr. Blonde]
Mr. Pink: And I'm fuckin' positive you're on the level. So let's just try and figure out who the bad guy is, all right?

Nice Guy Eddie: What happened to Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue?
Mr. Pink: Brown's dead. We don't know what happened to Blue.
Nice Guy Eddie: Mr. Brown's dead? Are you sure?
Mr. White: I'm sure. I was there. He took one in the head.
Nice Guy Eddie: Nobody's got a clue what happened to Mr. Blue?
Mr. Blonde: Either he's alive or he's dead. Or the cops got him or they don't.

Off-Screen Police Officers: [From Trailer] Freeze! Put the gun down!
Joe: Here your name's. Mr. White, Mr. Blonde and Mr. Pink.
Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink?
Mr. White: Who cares what your name is.
Mr. Pink: Easy for you to say your Mr. White you got a cool sounding name.
Joe: Let's go to work.
Mr. Orange: [the men walk out as White and Orange discuss there bank plan] What happens if the Manager doesn't give you the diamonds?
Mr. White: Cut one of his fingers off the little one.
Mr. Blonde: If they haven't done what I told them not to do, they'd still be alive!
Mr. Pink: [White punches Pink to the floor] Your acting like a first year thief, i'm acting like a Professional!
Mr. White: [White in bathroom speaking to Pink] A guy like can put you in for ten years worth.
Mr. Orange: [to Sheriffs] BAM!
Mr. White: [Discussing Blonde's situation in the bank] BAM!
Mr. Blonde: [Mr. Pink shoot's at the cops] Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam!
Nice Guy Eddie: [White, Orange, Pink and Eddie in the car discussing their favorite TV series from the 70's] Your under arrest sugar!
Mr. Blonde: [after White takes Joe's book] Hey Joe, want me to shoot this guy?