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Quotes for
Dracula (Character)
from Dracula (1931)

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Love at First Bite (1979)
Count Dracula: I'm going out for a bite to drink.

[first lines]
Count Dracula: Children of the night, shut up!

Cindy Sondheim: We can go to bed, maybe get in a little quickie.
Count Dracula: No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.

Commissare Woman: Either you spend the rest of your life in an efficiency apartment with seven dissidents and one toilet, or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split.
Count Dracula: Renfield.
Renfield: Yes, master.
Count Dracula: What is an efficiency apartment?
Renfield: I don't know, master. What's a toilet?

Count Dracula: I never drink wine, and I do not smoke shit.

Count Dracula: Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest... on a Monday night.

[Rosenberg approaches Dracula in a restaurant]
Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: The second way to kill a vampire, Count; three silver bullets through the heart!
Cindy Soundheim: Jeffrey!
[Jeff shoots Dracula three times]
Count Dracula: No, Rosenberg, that is a werewolf
Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: A werewolf? Really? Are you sure?
[Guards start to take him away]
Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: [to the guards] No harm done! The man's all right! This was for a werewolf! No problem! Calm down! Take it easy! I'm a doctor! I know where I'm going!

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: [triumphantly] Well, Count, what do you say to that?
[Pulls out a Star of David]
Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: [Dracula hides his face, then realizes what it is and removes his hands]
Count Dracula: I would say, leave Cindy alone and find yourself a nice Jewish girl, Doctor!
Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: Huh?
[looks at star]
Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: Ah shit! It's the other one, isn't it?

Renfield: I think they're from the government.
Count Dracula: How do you know?
Renfield: They're wearing shoes.

Alexei Rugalov: You dirty bat! You bit my mother!
Count Dracula: What is your name?
Rugalov: Alexei. Rugalov.
Count Dracula: No, Alexei. I bit your mother, and your grandmother.

Count Dracula: [reading an American phrase book] What is this? Copyright 1923? Renfield, you bumbling moron, this book is as out of date as... as I am.

Renfield: I thought you were having fun.
Count Dracula: Fun? How would you like to go around looking like a head waiter for 700 years?

Cindy Sondheim: Can I get you anything?
Count Dracula: [looking around at the mess in Cindy's apartment] A broom, perhaps?
Cindy Sondheim: Eh? Oh, I hate housework. It killed my mother.

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: [speaking of]
Count Dracula: Where is he?
Cindy Sondheim: He'll be here.
Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: Another fly by night character.

Cindy Sondheim: I told you I have a man in here...
Count Dracula: *Now* you do.

Count Dracula: I heard a rooster crow.
Cindy Sondheim: A rooster? In New York *City*?

Count Dracula: We're going to make a hoist.
Renfield: Heist! Heist, heist.

Count Dracula: [calling on a blood bank] We've come to make a withdrawal. We have a very sick man in the car. He needs blood, desperately.
Bloodbank Guard: That's a hearse!
Count Dracula: So maybe we're a bit late.

Count Dracula: Do you think of me as special?
Cindy Sondheim: Yes, of course.
Count Dracula: So how can you think of yourself as nothing, when I love you?

Renfield: Master, please be careful!
Count Dracula: What is it?
Renfield: You nearly stepped on my dinner!
[a black beetle]
Count Dracula: Forgive me. Bon appetit!

Count Dracula: The wolf is a very misunderstood creature. He never kills for sport, only what is needed. And he always protects the young... and the old.

[a viewing in a funeral home]
Reverend Mike: I knew Brother Alvin... and he was a swinger!
Mourners: Yes! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Alleluia! , etc.
Reverend Mike: He loved his booze, hahahaha. He loved his women.
Mourners: Yeah! And my wife, too! Yes, he did! Sure did! , etc
Reverend Mike: But must of all, he loved his Cadillac Saville, and it's a beaute. I know, because he left it to me, Hallelujah!
Mourners: Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! , etc
Reverend Mike: I showed him how God wanted him to have a swell time while he was alive. Because, brothers and sisters, when you is gone, you is gone. And ain't no way , no how, nobody's going to bring you back here once you is dead!
[the coffin's lid rises, and Dracula sits up inside]
Count Dracula: Good Evening.
[the mourners scream in panic, and run out of the funeral home, knocking over the chairs]
Count Dracula: [to Reverend Mike] I am Count Dracula. I would like a large suite with a bath. I have a reservation.
[Reverend Mike screams and jumps through the stained glass window, shattering the glass]
Count Dracula: This is not the lobby of the Plaza Hotel?

Count Dracula: You were born in the wrong time, Cindy Sondheim. In the other age things were simpler, less complicated. Do you remember how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century?
Cindy Sondheim: No.
Count Dracula: Three.

[last lines]
Cindy Sondheim: Oh, this isn't so hard. I think I'm going to love imortality.
Count Dracula: There is one small disadvantage. We can only live by night.
Cindy Sondheim: Oh, that's all right with me. I mean, I could never really get my shit together till 7:00, anyway.

Commissare Woman: You and your cockroach-eating friend over there... have 48 hours to get out!Good evening, Comrade Count.
Count Dracula: Wait one minute. This is my home. My people cleared the land. We tortured innocent peasants for it. We even murdered for it. By Romanian law, that makes it ours.

Count Dracula: [after biting a wino] What was that maniac drinking? Tastes like the Volga river at low tide!

Count Dracula: Did you have a nice day, my beauty?
Cindy Sondheim: Well, Rene ran my ass off all day. I mean, he may be the best photographer in New York City, but he's still a bitch.
Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: Now, now, darling. They have a right to their life.
Cindy Sondheim: Yes, I know, Jeffrey. They love in their way, we love in ours, who's to say which is right, by the 21st Century homosexuality will probably be the normal lifestyle.
Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: Excellent.

[Renfield and the Count drive up to a blood bank in a hearse]
Count Dracula: You did real well, Renfield.
Renfield: Thank you, Master.
Count Dracula: A combination getaway car and mobile home!

[Renfield opens a refrigerator at the blood bank that's stocked with units of blood]
Renfield: Master! We hit the jackpot!
Count Dracula: Only in America! Plastic disposable bodies! It's like a supermarket!

Count Dracula: [to Renfield, holding up a test tube full of blood] I propose a toast. Here's blood in your eye!

Van Helsing (2004)
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Igor... Do unto others...
Igor: Before they do it unto me!

Dr. Victor Frankenstein: I'll take him away, far away, where no-one will ever find him.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Oh, no, Victor. The time has come for me to take command of him.
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: What are you saying?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Why do you think I brought you here, gave you this castle, equipped your laboratory?
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: You said... you said you believed in my work.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: And I do. But now that it is, as you yourself have said, "A triumph of science over God", it must now serve my purpose.

[Van Helsing transforms into a werewolf, the one thing that can kill Dracula]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: We are both part of the same great game, Gabriel! But we need not find ourselves on opposing sides of the board...
[the Werewolf roars. Dracula transforms into a giant bat, and attacks him]

[Dracula sees Igor poking the werewolf with a cattle prod]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Igor!
Igor: Yes, Master?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Why do you torment that thing so?
Igor: It's what I do.

Count Vladislaus Dracula: You can't kill me, Victor.
[Dracula pushes himself onto the sword Dr. Frankenstein is wielding]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I'm already dead.

Anna Valerious: You make my skin crawl.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: This is not all I can do with your skin.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: [kisses/mouths Anna's neck]

Count Vladislaus Dracula: Hello, Gabriel.
[grinning to himself]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: You don't remember me? Allow me to refresh your memory I am Count Vladilaus Dracula, we have some history you and I.

Dr. Victor Frankenstein: I could never allow him to be used for such evil.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I could. In fact, my brides are insisting on it.

Count Vladislaus Dracula: There, there, my lovelies. Do not worry, I shall find another bride.
[Dracula's brides are appalled]
Verona: What?
Verona: Have you no heart?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: No! I have no heart, I feel no love. Nor fear, nor joy, nor sorrow. I am hollow... and I will live forever.
Aleera: Oh, my lord...
Verona: It is not so bad.
[Dracula's mood changes on a dime, and he begins to laugh]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I'm at war with the world! And every living soul in it! But soon... the final battle will begin.
Aleera: Do we mean so little to you?
[said before Verona asks if Dracula has no heart]

Count Vladislaus Dracula: Success!
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: Oh Count, it's just you.
[sighs in relief]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I was beginning to lose faith, Victor.
[looks down at the angry mob]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: A pity your moment of triumph is being spoiled over a little thing like grave robbery.

Count Vladislaus Dracula: How does it feel to be a puppet on my string?

Dr. Victor Frankenstein: Good God... I would kill myself before helping in such a task.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Feel free. I don't actually need you anymore, Victor. I just need him... he is the key.

Count Vladislaus Dracula: [after feeling Marishka die] if it's not the Christians, it's the Moors! Why can't they just leave us alone. We never kill more than our fill. And less than our share. Can they say the same?

Count Vladislaus Dracula: [Dracula's bride cower in fear] No, no, no. Do not fear me, everybody else fears me. Not my brides.

Count Vladislaus Dracula: I can tell the character of a man by the sound of his heartbeat.
[claps his hand in a rhythm of a heartbeat]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Usually when I approach...
[claps faster]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I can almost dance to the beat.
[claps slower]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Strange that yours is so steady.

Van Helsing: How do you know me?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: So, would you like me to refresh your memory? A few details from you sordid past?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: [Van Helsing thrusts a crucifix at Dracula. Dracula shrieks and angrily swats it away, then calms down, smiling beatifically, as if nothing happened] Perhaps that is a conversation for another time. But before you go, let me reintroduce myself.
[bows majestically]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I am Count Vladislaus Dragulia. Born 1422. Murdered 1462.

[the Werewolf arrives back at Castle Frankenstein and lands next to Dracula, growling menacingly. Dracula ignores him]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Werewolves are such a nuisance during their first full moon, so hard to control.
[just as the Werwolf is about to lunge at him, he stops and transforms back to Velkan, writhing in pain. Dracula strides majestically past him]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I send you on a simple errand, to find out who our new friend is, and you have to stop for a little visit with your sister.
Velkan: Leave her out of this, Count! She doesn't know your secret, and I am soon to take it to my grave.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Don't wish for death so quickly. I intend for you to be quite useful.
Velkan: I would rather die than help you.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Oh, don't be boring, everybody who says that dies.

[the Dwergi rip a blackened corpse out of the machine's pod and throw it down in front of Velkan]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Look familiar?
[Velkan recognizes the crucifix around the corpse's neck]
Velkan: Father? No!
[charges at Dracula]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: [stops him easily with a finger] He proved useless. But I'm hoping with Werewolf venom running through your veins, you will be of greater benefit.

Count Vladislaus Dracula: Don't we make a lovely couple?
[Anna looks at the mirror. Dracula is not in the reflection]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I'm looking for a new bride, Anna, someone strong and beautiful. All it takes is one bite from me.
Anna Valerious: [Dracula hugs her tighter] You have no heartbeat.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Perhaps it just needs to be rekindled.

Count Vladislaus Dracula: [attacked by Van Helsing, as a werewolf] Don't you understand? We could be friends! Partners! Brothers-in-arms!

Count Vladislaus Dracula: All I wanted was life, Gabriel. The continuation of my kind.
[Dracula holds up his left hand, his ring finger has long ago been cut off]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: And perhaps also, the return of my ring.

Igor: I am sorry, Master. We try and we try, but I fear we are not so smart as Doctor Frankenstein.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Truly. It would appear that the good Doctor took the key to life to his grave.
[the Werewolf climbs up onto the parapet. Dracula waves him away, dismissive]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Hunt them down. Kill them both.

Count Vladislaus Dracula: Welcome to my summer place.

Count Vladislaus Dracula: [to the other vampires] Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you... Van Helsing!

Count Vladislaus Dracula: Give me LIFE!

Count Vladislaus Dracula: You're too late, my friend! My children live!
Van Helsing: Then the only way to kill them is to kill you.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Correct.
Van Helsing: So be it.

Dracula (1992)
Dracula: The blood is the life... and it shall be mine.

Dracula: Renfield, you have betrayed me!

[Jonathan accidentally had a cut while shaving]
Jonathan Harker: I didn't hear you coming in.
Dracula: Take care how you cut yourself. It is more dangerous than you think.
[Dracula breaks the mirror]
Dracula: A foul bauble of man's vanity. Perhaps you should grow a beard.
[He licks the blood off the razor]
Dracula: The letters I requested, have you written them?
[Harker hands him the letters]
Dracula: Good. Should you leave these rooms, you will not by any chance go to sleep in any other part of the castle. It is old and has many bad memories. Be warned.

Dracula: I am the monster that breathing men would kill. I am Dracula.

Dracula: Do you believe in destiny? That even the powers of time can be altered for a single purpose? That the luckiest man who walks on this earth is the one who finds... true love?

Dracula: You will, I trust, excuse me if I do not join you. But, I have already dined, and I never drink... wine.
Jonathan Harker: [looks at painting on the wall] An ancestor? I see a resemblance.
Dracula: The Order of the Dracul, the Dragon. An ancient society, pledging my forefathers to defend the church against all enemies of Christ. Their relationship was not entirely... successful.
Jonathan Harker: Oh.
Jonathan Harker: Yes.
Dracula: [roars with rage as he draws a sword and points it at Harker's throat] It is no laughing matter! We Draculs have a right to be proud! What devil or witch was ever so great as Atilla, whose blood flows in these veins? Blood...
Dracula: Is too precious a thing in these times. The war-like days are over. The victories of my great race are but a tale to be told. I am the last of my kind.
Jonathan Harker: I have offended you with my ignorance, Count. Forgive me.

Dracula: [to Jonathan Harker] They say you are a man of good... taste.

Dracula: [about the wolves that are howling] Listen to them: the children of the night. What sweet music they make.

Dracula: I have crossed oceans of time to find you.

Dracula: Absinthe is the aphrodisiac of the self. The green fairy who lives in the absinthe wants your soul. But you are safe with me.

Mina: I want to be what you are, see what you see, love what you love.
Dracula: Mina, to walk with me you must die to your breathing life and be reborn to mine.
Mina: You are my love... and my life, always.
Dracula: Then, I give you life eternal. Everlasting love. The power of the storm. And the beasts of the earth. Walk with me to be my loving wife, forever.

Dracula: I condemn you to living death. To eternal hunger for living blood.

[to Mina about the wolf]
Dracula: He likes you .

Dracula: I... love you too much to condemn you.

Dracula: I shall rise from my own death, to avenge hers with all the powers of darkness.

Dracula: I, who served the Cross. I, who commanded nations, hundreds of years before you were born.
Professor Abraham Van Helsing: Your armies were defeated. You tortured and impaled thousands of people.
Dracula: I was betrayed. Look what your God has done to me!

Dracula: There is much to be learned from beasts.

Dracula: [to Harker] Transylvania is not England. Our ways are not your ways. And to you there shall be many strange things.

Dracula: [having just spotted Mina in the streets of London] See me. See me now.

[last lines]
Mina: [narrating] There, in the presence of God, I understood at last how love could release us all from the power of darkness. Our love is stronger than death.
Dracula: Give me peace.
Mina: [impales him with the sword, then kisses him, then beheads him]

Hotel Transylvania (2012)
Dracula: Welcome To Hotel Transylvania!

Dracula: It's ok we all get stomachaches Mr Big Foot.

Dracula: Good morning Mavey Wavey.

Dracula: Hey you don't need a manikin!

Dracula: Evil villain you will never win!

Mavis: Who was that?
Dracula: Who was what?

Jonathan: Are these monsters gonna kill me?
Dracula: Not as long as they think you're a monster.
Jonathan: That's kinda racist.

Dracula: House-keeping!

Dracula: [against the window of an airplane, sees a Twilight movie playing] This is how we're represented, unbelievable.

Jonathan: [on opposite sides of an airplane window] Drac, I can't understand you!
Dracula: What? My hands in a tan shoe?

Dracula: [after noticing Mavis kissing Jonny]
[rushes in between them and shouts at Jonny]
Dracula: How could you? After I shared my pain with you?

Jonathan: I'm Dracula, Bleh, bleh-bleh!
Dracula: I've never said that in my life. 'Bleh, bleh-bleh.' I don't know where that comes from!

Mavis: Uhm... who is that?
Dracula: Who was what?
Jonathan: [groans]
Dracula: Oh that. That is ahh... nobody.
Mavis: Seriously dad?
Jonathan: Dad?
Mavis: Yeah, I know Dracula's daughter. Everyone freaks out at first.
Jonathan: Dracula?

Dracula: Listen to me, you are never to return here. Your are to stay away and tell no humans about this place. Or I will track you down, and suck every ounce of blood from you body, until you look like a deflated whoopee cushion!

Jonathan: Uh, can I just ask? What exactly is this place?
Dracula: What is this place? It's a place I built, for all those monsters out there lurking in the shadows. Hiding from the persecution of human kind. A for them and their families to come to and be themselves. A void of torches, pitchforks, angry mobs. A place of peace, relaxation, and tranquility.
Jonathan: Cool, so it's like a hotel for monsters?
Dracula: [irritated] Yes, exactly. A hotel for monsters, way to sum it up.

Dracula: [thinks Murray passed gas] You're kidding me. Right in my lobby?
Murray: Drac, I swear, man, I don't run like that.

Dracula: I know I lied. I was wrong. But you have to believe this: Johnny wasn't a bad guy. The truth is, I don't know if humans are bad anymore. Frank, come on, buddy. You understand.
Eunice: He's not talking to you. First you tell us humans are bad, now they're good, what else? Up is down, cold is hot, gremlins don't smell.
Gremlin Man: Hey!

Dracula: [Runs after Quasimodo to rescue Jonathan, but is stopped by Mavis] Mavis? Why are you still up? The sun is out. It could kill you, my honey-gut.
Mavis: I couldn't sleep. You know where Jonny went?
Dracula: I don't know. He -
[Turns around & eyes her down angrily]
Dracula: Why do you want know?
Mavis: Oh! Uh,

Jonathan: Yeah, well, I was afraid your dad was gonna suck all the blood out of my body if I didn't say that.
Dracula: I wouldn't have... No, he's right, I would have done that.
Mavis: Dad.
Dracula: I was wrong, Devil-chops.

Dracula: [holding Jonathan and looking at Mavis] Someone closer to your age, help plan the party.
Mavis: [looking at Jonathan] You're my age!
Jonathan: Sure, oh, well, how old are you?
Mavis: 118.
Jonathan: 100 and...
[Dracula elbows Jonathan in the stomach]
Jonathan: Yeah, I'm 121.
Mavis: Really?

Dracula 2000 (2000)
Dracula: We're all so much more complicated than our names.

Dracula: I don't drink... coffee.

Dracula: You made the world in your image. Now I make it in mine.

Dracula: Let me show you what I have shown no other.

Dracula: Mary, you're afraid. Don't be.

Dracula: Dignity, doctor.

Valerie Sharp: I don't want to die.
Dracula: Then you never will.

Dracula: You cannot imagine what I've had to endure. I have borne the very wrath of God, chosen to suffer like no man before.

[Simon brandishes a Bible before the advancing Dracula]
Dracula: Propaganda.

Dracula: Everything I am is yours.
Simon Sheppard: [trying to find her] Mary! Mary!
Dracula: And all you are is mine.

Dracula: You haven't been feeding her.

Dracula: You think you can teach me about betrayal? Didn't your father ever tell you, Mary? I can't die. He won't have me.
Mary: Did you ever ask?
Dracula: For what? Forgiveness?

Dracula: Blood has always been the coin of our realm.

Dracula: [to the neon cross] You knew all this would come to pass.

Dracula: [to Mary] It was my last sunset on this earth that made me who I am.

J.T.: [very afraid] Don't kill me.
Dracula: There are worst things than death.

Abraham Van Helsing: You-you can't have her... ever!
Dracula: Can't I?
Abraham Van Helsing: If you harm my daughter, I swear to the Lord Christ...
Dracula: Shh! He doesn't care. In that you can trust. You stole life from my blood and past it to another. She's my Mary now.
Abraham Van Helsing: No. Never! You want revenge? Take it! Right here, right now!
Dracula: You know not the depths of my vengeance.

Mary: [about Jesus Christ] He still loves you.
Dracula: Does he? Just as he still loves you? Then go back to him and see if he'll still have you!

Dracula (1979)
Count Dracula: I am the *king* of my kind!

Count Dracula: Listen to them - the children of the night. What sad music they make!

Count Dracula: [to Lucy] Now it is you, my best beloved one. You will be flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood. You will cross land and sea to do my bidding. I need your blood. I need...

Count Dracula: You are a wise man, Professor, for someone who has not yet lived even a single lifetime.
Prof. Abraham Van Helsing: You flatter me, Count.
Count Dracula: But not wise enough to return to your native Holland, immediately.
Prof. Abraham Van Helsing: I prefer to remain.

Milo Renfield: Please master. Hurt me, torture me, I deserve it. But please... don't kill me.
Count Dracula: Ah, Renfield... you disappoint me so.

Count Dracula: Jonathan Harker tells me you speak some Romanian.
Lucy Seward: Well, hardly, I know...
[Dracula says a sentence in Romanian and Lucy smiles]
Count Dracula: There, you do understand.
Lucy Seward: [still smiling] Not really. I have no idea what you said.
Count Dracula: I said it would be nice to see you smile.
Lucy Seward: [pause] Then you should be pleased.
Count Dracula: Oh, I am.

Dr. Jack Seward: Count, some wine?
Count Dracula: No thank you, Doctor. I never drink wine.

Lucy Seward: Before you arrived we were looking at the ship's log.
Count Dracula: It wasn't lost at sea?
Lucy Seward: No. The very last entry was a strange word. A word that Mina thought meant "undead".
Count Dracula: Undead?
Mina Van Helsing: Yes. "Nosferatu".
Count Dracula: Ah! It means "not dead".

[Dracula, Lucy,and Mina are discussing "Nosferatu"]
Mina Van Helsing: Dead! Undead! I don't care, they all frighten me!
Lucy Seward: Oh, I love to be frightened!
Count Dracula: [glances at her, then, after a pause] *Do* you?

Count Dracula: Lucy, come! Come to me!
[Lucy runs into Dracula's arms, and he embraces her]
Count Dracula: No, you must go on a bit longer as a creature of the sun. Only until we have left behind those who would destroy us.
Lucy Seward: And then?
Count Dracula: Then you will join me on a higher plane... feeding on them. We will create more of our kind, Lucy.

Prof. Abraham Van Helsing: [looking at himself in a mirror] Ach, the devil.
Count Dracula: Come now, professor... not as bad as that.

Count Dracula: You fools! Do you think with your crosses and your wafers you can destroy me? Me! You do not know how many men have come against me. I am the *king* of my kind! You have accomplished nothing, Van Helsing. Time is on my side. In a century, when you are dust, I shall wake and call Lucy, my queen, from her grave. I have in my time had many brides, Mr. Harker. But I shall set Lucy above them all.
Jonathan Harker: You won't get Lucy!
Count Dracula: She's mine already.

Count Dracula: I too have buried many friends, and I am weary.

Count Dracula: In the past 500 years, Professor, those who have crossed my path have all died, and some not pleasantly.

Milo Renfield: I've been bitten by a bat.
Count Dracula: [sarcastically] Yes, I know.

Jonathan Harker: COUNT DRACULA!
Count Dracula: You needn't shout, Mr. Harker. You frightened me.
Jonathan Harker: I'm sorry. I had a key.
[holds key up]
Jonathan Harker: I had to let myself in.
Count Dracula: I wonder where Renfield can be.
Jonathan Harker: I don't know. I knocked but he didn't...
Count Dracula: [interrupts] Yes, well, the man is worthless.

Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)
Lover at Picnic: Would you care for some wine?
Dracula: I never drink wine... oh, what the hell. Let me try it.

Dracula: [in a dream walking about in the daylight thinking it's real] Everything is so lovely and colorful, and the sun is so shiny!
[He spots two lovers having a picnic]
Dracula: Say there, I just can't help that it is so lovely out here today, but if I could just spare it for a piece of your... chicken?
Lover at Picnic: Oh sure, and some wine?
Dracula: I never drink... wine
[thinks for about three seconds]
Dracula: Oh what the hell, let me try it.
[tastes the wine]
Dracula: ...It's good!
Renfield: [Running towards him shouting] Master! Master!
Dracula: [Happy to see him] Renfield, look at me! I'm drinking wine, and eating chicken!
Renfield: Master, what are you doing out in the daytime?
Dracula: Relax Renfield, I am cured!
[smoke starts coming out of him]
Renfield: No, no you're not! Look!
Dracula: [realizing the smoke] I... made... a mistake... I've got to get back to my coffin!
[He wakes up in panic noticing the dark out the window then, calms down]
Dracula: It is night time, so it wasn't real, I was having... a daymare.

Dracula: Renfield, you were having a nightmare!
Renfield: A nightmare? But it was so real, so vivid. Two voluptuous women; grinding, heaving. I don't know how to describe it...
Renfield: Have you ever been to Paris?

[Dracula is hypnotizing a valet at the theatre where Doctor Seward is enjoying an opera]
Dracula: You vill tell Doctor Seward there is a message for him in the lobby... and you will remember nothing of what I tell you.
[the valet goes to open Seward's chambers and nods her head. She opens the curtain to Seward's chambers and stands there with her mouth open for a few moments, then closes the curtain]
Usherette: [noticing Dracula standing there] Hello, can I help you sir?
Dracula: [mimicking her] Can I help you sir?
Dracula: What's wrong with you, why did you not tell him?
Usherette: About what?
Dracula: About the message!
Usherette: For whom?
Dracula: Never mind! I vill tell him myself. And for your miserable performance, you will receive no tip!
Usherette: No tip?
Dracula: Ah! That, you remember!

[a bat poops on the stairs]
Dracula: Children of the night... What a mess they make.

Dracula: [waking up from a bad dream] Oh, it's night-time. I was having a daymare.

[Dracula picks up Jonathan by the throat]
Dracula: Arrogant mortal! You are in my world now and you will never leave this attic alive! I will destroy you, and then I will possess she whom you love the most. And there is not a single thing in the world you can do to stop me!
[Dracula laughs. Jonathan pokes him in the eyes and Dracula drops Jonathan]
Dracula: Ow!

[Dracula is outside Mina's room]
Dracula: [to the maid] Essie... Essie... Your eyelids are growing heavy You will sleep... sleep.
[Essie nods off to sleep]
Dracula: Mina... Mina, open your eyes!
[she does]
Dracula: Arise, Mina.
[she does]
Dracula: Walk to the door.
[Mina opens a door, and goes inside]
Dracula: Mina... you are in the closet. Open the door, and come out.
[she does]
Dracula: Now walk to the Terrace Door. Watch out for the foot...
[too late! Mina trips over the footstool, and goes flying]
Dracula: Stool. Stand up.
[Essie and Mina both rise]
Dracula: Not you. Sit!
[Mina sits]
Dracula: No, not you, *you* sit.
[Essie sits]
Dracula: *You* stand.
[both stand]
Dracula: No! Sit!
[both sit]
Dracula: No, you stand!
[both stand]
Dracula: You walk to the Terrace Door and you go back to sleep! *Watch out!*
[Essie and Mina bump into one another and fall to the floor. Dracula throws his arms in frustration]

Dracula: [after rising from his coffin and hitting his head on a chandelier] I must move the coffin or the chandelier.

Dracula: [his last line] Renfield, you asshole!

Van Helsing: Count Dracula. Hmm, curious. Are you descended from Vlad Tepes? The first Dracula?
Dr. Steward: Tepes?
Van Helsing: Ya. It means 'The Impaler.' He was a blood-thirsty butchah. He inflicted unspeakable tortures on the peasants: cutting off their hands and feet, gouging out their eyes and then impaling them on iron spikes!
Dracula: They had it coming.

Dracula: [carrying Essie out instead of Mina] You will be my bride throughout eternity. We'll share the endless passion of immortal love.
Essie: Oh I can't wait!
Dracula: [stares at her in surprise] NOT YOU!
Dracula: [takes her back inside and throws heron the floor, and carries Mina out, speaking very fast] You will be my bride throughout eternity, we'll share the endless passion of immortal love!

Dracula: [after flying out the window to the ground below] Time for you to join me! Come, Renfield.
[Renfield obeys and dives out the window, crash-landing on the ground below, then staggers disoriented to his feet]
Renfield: [Hobbles in pain] Yes, Master... Yes... Ohhhh!
Dracula: Renfield... I meant for you to use the drainpipe
Dracula: I fly... You don't!
Renfield: Yes, master... You fly... I don't... Yes, yes...
[Hobbling off behind DRACULA]

Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf (1988) (TV)
Dracula: [after Crunch says something unintelligible] WHAT?
Brunch: He says "Ta-ta for now".

Vanna Pira: [reading about Shaggy] It says he's an American, and he's cute.
Dracula: A cute werewolf? Bah, the Hunch Bunch will take care of that.
Vanna Pira: Oh no! Not the Hunch Bunch!
Frankenstein: Not the Hunch Bunch!
Swamp Monster: Ohhhhh yuck!
Witch: They're so awful!
Frankenstein: And so horrible!
Dracula: Yes!
Dracula: The Hunch Bunch!

Dracula: Oh, Crunchy and Brunchyyyyy!

Brunch: Never fear, we shall get your werewolf tomorrow night, or our name isn't the hunch bunch.
Dracula: You'd better get him this time or your names will be mud, or maybe even blood.
Crunch: [panics] BLOOD?
[Exclaims something uninteligible to Brunch, accidentally hitting him with spit in the process]

Brunch: I fear the master will not be pleased.
Dracula: You said a mouthful, and it's very rude to talk with your mouth full.

Dracula: I thought I told you to fix that werewolf car so that he couldn't win the race.
Brunch: Ah yes master, but Shaggy unfixed it.
Dracula: Well then you un-unfix it.

Dracula: Please do have some spiderweb spaghetti.
Scooby- Doo: Sp-sp-sp-spiderweb?
Dracula: And you must try the plasma pizza.
[Scooby turns green]
Dracula: And the wart pudding.
[Scooby swallows and faints]
Scrappy Doo: [carrying Scooby off] Come on, Shaggy, let's get out of here.
Dracula: Wait! You haven't tried the finger sandwiches, made with REAL fingers.

[Dracula has tricked the Werewolf Wagon into a detour leading into the tar pits]
Dracula: Shaggy's road is the pits. Tar pits, that is.

Dracula: What I want to know is, where's my werewolf?
Screamer: He's in Florida your majesty, he sent this postcard.
Dracula: Hmmmm...
Dracula: "Dear Drac, am having wonderful time in retirement, glad you're not here, Wolfy." Bah! How dare he retire just before the Monster Road Rally? Doesn't he know all the monsters of my realm have to be in the race?

Shaggy: [looking at the swamp monster] Why that's a whole week of nightmares, huh.
[Swamp Monster laughs at Dreadonia]
Dreadonia: Hezzzzz talking about you.
Swamp Monster: He means you, knot-nose.
Dreadonia: Who you calling namezzzzz?
[Swings his tail at the Swamp Monster, Swamp Monster ducks. Takes a handful of slime from his chest and throws it at Dreadonia. Dreadonia ducks. The slime hits the fat witch in the face. The thin witch laughs. The fat witch hits the other with a broom. Frankenstein laughs. The thin witch walks up to him]
Witch: If you think that's funny, you'll laugh your head off at this!
[Waves her wand at Frankenstein. His face turns different colors and his head disappears. Bone-Jangles and the Mummy laugh as Frankenstein walks up to them and pops his head out from under his shirt. Then he grabs the mummy and throws him. Dracula gets caught in the bandages as well as the other monsters and lands with a crash. The mummy, stuck in a suit of armor, throws a spear]
Dracula: Wait a minute...
[the spear whizzes past Dracula and snags of the witches cloaks leaving them in their skirts. They pull out their wands and wave them]
Dracula: [Raises his arms to a 'stop' position] WAIT A MINUTE!
[the spells burn holes through his cape, causing the witches to hide their wands behind their backs]

Dracula: Crunch, Brunch, bring the revival spray and awaken our guests.
Crunch: Bles Blaster,
[arrives wearing a revival spray pack]
Crunch: Turn it on, turn it on.
Brunch: Roger old boy.
[turns the knob]
Crunch: [sticks the hose into Draculas face] Roger? But I'm not Roger, I'm Crunch!
Dracula: You're going to be history if you don't take that thing off my face!
Crunch: Bloops.

Dracula: [referring to Vanna Pira] Her mind wanders, and she just goes along for the ride.

Dracula: [singing dazedly, after getting hit by a train] Pardon me, boy, is this the Transylvania choo choo?

Count Dracula (1977) (TV)
Count Dracula: Welcome to my house, Mister Harker. Come freely. Go safely.
Jonathan Harker: Count Dracula?
Count Dracula: I am Count Dracula. Will you come in?... And, please, leave here some of the happiness that you bring.

[Renfield is asleep at the table in his cell]
Count Dracula: Good evening.
[Renfield awakes with a start. He looks around the room. His eyes fix on the window. Dracula is suspended outside his window]
Renfield: Master... Ohh... What do you offer me?
Count Dracula: More insects, with steel and sapphire on their wings.
Renfield: Ohhh...
Renfield: ...Yes! Yes!
Count Dracula: Moths... With skull and crossbones on their backs.
Renfield: [pants harder] Yes!... Yes!
Count Dracula: Blood... Blood... Life... Years of life.
Renfield: Yes! Hold me, Master. Give me eternal life!

Jonathan Harker: You must know a great deal of the history of Transylvania.
Count Dracula: All there is to know, I'm afraid. Sometimes, I think, too much.

Vampire: [after Dracula has stopped them from feeding on Harker] You never loved me.
Vampire: You never loved.
Vampire: You never loved.
Count Dracula: [giving each a comforting touch] Oh yes I have.
[spreads his cape and beckons them]
Count Dracula: Come.
[the three all come in close to him, giggling]
Count Dracula: Shhh. I need him for a while. Then you shall have him. He will be yours. All yours. Now go, I must awaken him.
Vampire: And tonight, you can give us... nothing?
Vampire: Nothing?
[Dracula points to a carpet bag with something small and alive in it - the women pounce on it]

Count Dracula: I expect you are anxious to return to England.
Jonathan Harker: I should like to start back soon, it's true.
Count Dracula: Very well. Write a letter to your friends, saying that you have already left the Castle and arrived at Bistritz, where you are awaiting the weekly express.
Jonathan Harker: [suspiciously] May I ask with what object, sir?
Count Dracula: The posts are few, and uncertain. Writing now will ease the minds of Mister Hawkins and your fiancee.
Jonathan Harker: Count Dracula.
Count Dracula: Yes?
Jonathan Harker: I have been struck by a curious fact.
Count Dracula: Yes?
Jonathan Harker: I've not seen a single servant since I've been here. Yet my meals are served. My bed is made. Tell me, are we alone in the Castle?
Count Dracula: Alone? How could one be alone in this castle? In its most the past, the *living* past is present, surrounding us.
Jonathan Harker: That does *not* answer my question, sir. I've been here for three weeks and have not once stepped outside the Castle.
Count Dracula: I would gladly have shown you the countryside if you had expressed a wish to do so.
Jonathan Harker: When would we have gone? In the dead of night? I've never set eyes on you during the day.
Count Dracula: I have a large estate to manage.
Jonathan Harker: Nor have I seen you eat.
Count Dracula: I eat alone.
Jonathan Harker: [getting visibly upset] And who would have driven the coach?
Count Dracula: [maintains calm] My driver.
Jonathan Harker: You are lying, Count Dracula.
Count Dracula: You are losing your temper, Mister Harker.
Jonathan Harker: [calming down] Who took me back to my room last night?
Count Dracula: Back to your room? What do you mean?
Jonathan Harker: I slept by mistake in the library. I witnessed a... a nightmare, and woke up in my bed! How did I get there?
Count Dracula: Am I to be held responsible for a vivid imagination?

Count Dracula: [after Van Helsing repels him by holding up a crucifix and intoning a prayer] Ah yes, it always sounds so much more impressive in Latin.

Count Dracula: Do not help these men to fight against me. They are superstitious fools; they have been losing now for 2000 years. Do you know the significance of the kiss? You are nourishment to me. Blood of my blood. Flesh of my flesh. My beautiful wine press. We shall cross land and sea together. Land and sea.

Count Dracula: We must survive, all of us. The blood of a human for me, a cooked bird for you. Where is the difference?
Jonathan Harker: The difference between good and evil.

Count Dracula: I am bound to this earth, I make it my domain. You will die, in your miserable allotted span. I have centuries before me.
Jonathan Harker: Why in God's name did you ever leave your castle?
Count Dracula: We must recruit disciples - just as your leader has done.
Abraham Van Helsing: You shall not capture anymore souls.
Count Dracula: Souls?
[laughs scornfully]
Count Dracula: There is no blood to drink from souls - - if there be such things.
Abraham Van Helsing: We are pledged to rid the world of you.
Count Dracula: It will not be easy. I do not die like the bee when I string once - - I become stronger.

Abraham Van Helsing: We guard ourselves from your touch.
Count Dracula: Using a cross as a talisman. A symbol of torture, and of humiliation.
Abraham Van Helsing: A symbol of trial, and trouble... by which our Christian Faith is tested.

Dracula (1931)
Count Dracula: For one who has not lived even a single lifetime, you're a wise man, Van Helsing.

Count Dracula: I am Dracula.
Renfield: Oh, it's really good to see you. I don't know what happened to the driver and my luggage and... Well, and with all this, I thought I was in the wrong place.
Count Dracula: I bid you welcome.
[Dracula goes up the stairs. Renfield starts to follow him. Suddenly, Dracula hears wolves howling]
Count Dracula: Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.
[Dracula goes up the steps and waits for Renfield, who, without difficulty, cuts open a hole in a huge spider's web using his walking stick]
Count Dracula: The spider spinning his web for the unwary fly. The blood is the life, Mr. Renfield.
Renfield: Why, er... yes.

Count Dracula: Van Helsing.
[Van Helsing turns to face Count Dracula]
Count Dracula: Now that you have learned what you have learned, it would be well for you to return to your own country.
Van Helsing: I prefer to remain and protect those whom you would destroy.
Count Dracula: You are too late. My blood now flows through her veins. She will live through the centuries to come, as I have lived.
Van Helsing: Should you escape us, Dracula. We know how to save Miss Mina's soul if not her life.
Count Dracula: If she dies by day. But I shall see that she dies by night.
Van Helsing: And I will have Carfax Abbey torn down, stone by stone, excavated a mile around. I will find your earth-box and drive that stake through your heart.
Count Dracula: Come here.
[Dracula raises his hand to hypnotise Van Helsing]
Count Dracula: Come here.
[Van Helsing takes three hypnotised steps towards Dracula but soon steps back, resisting Dracula's hypnotic power over him]
Count Dracula: Your will is strong, Van Helsing.
[Van Helsing reaches out for his crucifix as Dracula looms toward him]
Count Dracula: More wolfbane?
Van Helsing: More effective than wolfbane, Count.
Count Dracula: Indeed.
[Dracula lunges towards Van Helsing. Van Helsing holds up the crucifix. Dracula snarls and turns away. Van Helsing, in triumph, puts away the crucifix]

Count Dracula: I am Dracula. I bid you welcome.

Count Dracula: Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.

Count Dracula: Listen to them. Children of the night. What music *they* make.

Count Dracula: This is very old wine. I hope you will like it.
Renfield: Aren't you drinking?
Count Dracula: I never drink wine.

Count Dracula: To die, to be *really* dead, that must be glorious!
Mina Seward: Why, Count Dracula!
Count Dracula: There are far worse things awaiting man than death.

Count Dracula: The spider spinning his web for the unwary fly... The blood is the life, Mr. Renfield.

Count Dracula: [tries to hypnotize Van Helsing and fails] Your will is strong.
[tries to attack]
Van Helsing: [takes out a crucifix without fear] Indeed.

Dracula Untold (2014)
Vlad: Men don't fear swords. They fear monsters.

Vlad: [in a rage to his people after they try to burn him] Do you think you are alive because you can fight? You are alive because of what I did to save you!

Master Vampire: I have been waiting an eternity for a man of your strength to arrive. But what kind of man crawls into his own grave in search of hope?
Vlad: A desperate one.

Vlad: [to Ingeras] Run to your mother.

Vlad: It's not a child's place to save his country.

Master Vampire: What is it that you are seeking?
Vlad: I want the power to destroy my enemies and save my family.

Vlad: Never forget who I am.

Vlad: Why think separately of this life and the next...
Mirena: When one is born from the last.

Master Vampire: [holds Vlad by the throat] Why spill blood if not for the pleasure of it?
Vlad: Because men do not fear swords. They fear monsters. They run from them. By putting one village to the stake, I spared ten more. Sometimes the world no longer needs a hero. Sometimes what it needs... is a monster.
Master Vampire: [tightening his grip a little] And you believe you know what it means to be a monster? Hmm?... You have no idea... but I'm going to show you.

Mirena: What is happening to you?
[Vlad cuts the tent open as his skin burns]
Mirena: No! Stop it!
[as she pulls him to her]
Mirena: May God strike down whoever did this to you!
Vlad: [pained] I chose this!
Mirena: This is the strength you sought? But why?
Vlad: Because I sent corpses back to Mehmed, instead of our son.
Mirena: [near tears] You did this for us?
Vlad: In two days, I'll be restored... I just have to resist.
Mirena: Resist what?
[when he says nothing, panicked]
Mirena: Resist what, Vlad? Tell me!
Vlad: The thirst... for blood.

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't (1979) (TV)
Frankenstein's Monster: My feet hurt!
Count Dracula: Don't give me that! I happen to know those aren't your feet!
Frankenstein's Monster: What did you have to bring that up for?

Count Dracula: Hiya, Baby, it's me, Count Dracula.
Witch: I didn't think it was a humming bird.

Count Dracula: Igor, you did it again! How many times do I have to tell you? Keep my tomb door open at night and closed in the day. Open at night and closed in the day!

Frankenstein's Monster: Are they gone yet?
Count Dracula: Yes, it's safe for you to come out now and protect my life!

Count Dracula: Teeny tiny bat. Teeny tiny bat. Teeny tiny bat.

Count Dracula: What do I do now?
Igor: Master, believe me, they're just illusions. They cannot harm you.
Count Dracula: Can't do any me harm, huh? Who did that? Termites?

Count Dracula: Teeny tiny bat. Teeny tiny bat. Teeny tiny bat

Witch: Well, for heavens sake! You look just like me.
Girl dressed as witch: This is my favorite costume, because of you.
Witch: It is? Why?
Girl dressed as witch: Because you're one of my favorite people.
Boy dressed as Scarecrow: We love you just the way you are! All the kids feel that way.
Witch: You really love me? All right, I'll do it! Knowing you love me means more to me than any of his promises.
Count Dracula: Oh, then we can forget those silly conditions that you asked for?
Witch: Not on your life! You're going to keep every one of those promises just the same! Starting with the disco party right after I ride over the moon. So long, kids! This ride is just for you!

Count Dracula: It's one of those days I wish I was dead. And stayed dead.

"Count Duckula: In Arctic Circles (#2.9)" (1989)
Nanny: [the castle has just made it to the Arctic] !t's all white!
Count Duckula: All white? It's weally wemarkable!

Colonel Willoughby: [Colonel Willoughby is coming through the hall] Jives! Jives, get on parade, on the double!
Jives the Penguin Butler: Oh, dear.
Count Duckula: Oh, what's that?
Colonel Willoughby: That sir, is...
Colonel Willoughby: Fish, you ghastly little bounder, fish!
Jives the Penguin Butler: That is my present employer, returned home unexpectedly.
Colonel Willoughby: Do you hear me, Jives?
Jives the Penguin Butler: Indeed I do, sir.
Colonel Willoughby: Then, where's me dinner, eh? Where's me fish? Ah, you have it there!
[looks at Duckula]
Colonel Willoughby: Dashed funny looking fish, that is!
Count Duckula: Fish? I'm no fish! I'm nobody's dinner, either!
Jives the Penguin Butler: No, sir, this is not your dinner, this is...
Colonel Willoughby: Another of your infernal scrounging distant cousins, eh? So where is me dinner, eh, where's me fish? Never mind your distant cousin, do your horrible idle self and bring me fish, lots of fish on the double!
Colonel Willoughby: Colonel Willoughby, sir, I...
Colonel Willoughby: And tell your distant cousin to distance himself some distance from me igloo!

Count Duckula: [Jives has told Duckula that he must be paid] And let me remind your penguinship that I haven't any money.
Jives the Penguin Butler: You, you haven't any money?
Count Duckula: Nope, not a cent.
Jives the Penguin Butler: Are you trying to tell me, your bankruptcy
[drops refined accent and shifts to Yorkshire accent]
Jives the Penguin Butler: That me and mates have been flogging ourselves to death here and you ain't got none of the reddy?
Count Duckula: Hey, what happened to Albert Pengworth Jives?
Jives the Penguin Butler: He just died of shock, that's what happened to him! And that ain't nothing compared to what's gonna happen to you if you don't cough up with the lolly!

Igor: What's this about the icebox being broken?
Nanny: Yes.
Count Duckula: Yes?
Nanny: Yes.
Nanny: It fell off the clothesline.
Count Duckula: Oh, well, that's all right- it fell off the clothesline?
Nanny: Well, I likes to keep it clean and it was doing all right in the washing machine!

Count Duckula: Igor, don't be disgusting.
Igor: Alas, milord, disgusting is all there is left to be. Without a death a week, life has lost its meaning.
Count Duckula: Well, if we ever do have a death a week, the first thing I'm going to lose is a butler!
Igor: I'm sorry, milord, but I do wish you would take your duties seriously now and again.Chew on a chambermaid, sink your teeth into a fainting female!
Count Duckula: Forget it, Igor, forget it! All I want in this heat is an ice cream.
Igor: Well, if it beats that something... AAAAARGH!
Count Duckula: Aaaah! Igor, don't *do* that!
Igor: You said you wanted a nice scream.

Count Duckula: Yes, we're going where's there's ice as far as the eyes
[sounds like "ice"]
Count Duckula: can see!

Count Duckula: Life's just one great big disorganized shambling mess!
Nanny: Yoo-hoo! Master Duckula!
Count Duckula: Speaking of which, here she comes now!

Count Duckula: We're going to explore the Arctic!
Nanny: Oh, you don't want to go up there, Duckyboos, it's not been dusted for months!
Count Duckula: No, not the attic, Nanny, the Arctic!

"Count Duckula: No Sax Please: We're Egyptian (#1.1)" (1988)
Count Duckula: [about Nanny's slamming of silverware at people] Last time, you killed three chambermaids and a footman!
Nanny: Oh, they was only part-time, sir! And the little blond one never dusted the pictures rails!

Count Duckula: I might have been killed!

Count Duckula: [asking about a pharaoh] Who, Ra?
Hoomite: And Upshee rises!
Count Duckula, Hoomite, Yoobee: [singing] Hoorah, and Upshee rises/ Hoorah, and Upshee rises/ Hoorah, and Upshee rises never in the morning!

Count Duckula: [after a long and winding mix-up of names] I can't stand anymore!
Yoobee: Of course you can't stand anymore, we've tied you to the sacrificial altar, and it serves you right!

[Duckula meets two Egyptian priests deep beneath a pyramid]
Hoomite: I am Hoomite, High Priest of the Sun God Ra! And this is my assistant Yoobee.
Yoobee: Delighted, I'm sure.
Hoomite: Who might you be?
Count Duckula: Yes, I got that.
Hoomite: No, who might you be?
Count Duckula: Yes, I know, you said that already.
Hoomite: So you will not tell me?
Count Duckula: Well, I hardly need to, do I?
Hoomite: We shall see about that! Yoobee, you try.
Yoobee: Oh, very well master. Listen I am Yoobee, right?
Count Duckula: Wrong. I am. You are.
Yoobee: Aahhh! There you are Master, he is Yooare.
Hoomite: So you are Yooare?
Count Duckula: I am not, I am not.
Hoomite: See! He is not Yooare, he is Knot!
Yoobee: You are Yooare!
Count Duckula: I am not Yooare.
Yoobee: Don't call me Knot, Yooare. I am not Yooare, I am not Knot. I am Yoobee.
Count Duckula: Look, let us get this sorted out. I am not Knot, okay? I am not Yooare. Okay? And you are Hoomite. And you are Yoobee. Okay?
Hoomite, Yoobee: Okay.
Hoomite: But!
Count Duckula: Yes?
Hoomite: Who might you be?

Count Duckula: The mystic saxophone?
Igor: What the Archduck was searching for!
Count Duckula: Well, you never mentioned *that*!
Igor: I thought I did, milord.
Count Duckula: No, you did not!
Ruffles: [the Crow Brothers are eavesdropping outside the window. the first crow Brother asks the second] Here now, did he mention the mystic saxophone?
Burt: [asks the third] I don't know, did he mention the mystic saxophone?
Junior: [asks the fourth] I don't know! Eh, did he mention the mystic saxophone?
4th Crow: Uh, no.
Junior: [to second] No.
Burt: [to first] No.
Ruffles: [to Igor, who does not realize that he is there] No, you never mentioned it!
Count Duckula: You see? You never mentioned it!
Igor: I'm sorry, milord. Milord, it's rather stuffy in here. Excuse me while I open a window.
[he opens the window, which knocks the Crow Brothers down]

Count Duckula: [upon hearing the Crow Brothers fall out side the window sill] What was that?
Igor: Hmm?
Count Duckula: A series of thuds like falling bodies hitting the floor!
Igor: Oh, that'll be Nanny making pastry, sir.

Igor: Look, sir, a statue.
Count Duckula: Oh, it's not me, I don't look at anything like that.
Igor: I meant, sir, that it is a statue to guard the dead. A statue of the god Anubis.
Nanny: Master Duckula, close your your eyes!
Count Duckula: Huh, close my eyes?
Nanny: I won't have you looking at people with no clothes on!
Count Duckula: What are you talk - not a "nudist", Nanny, *Anubis*, it's a statue of *Anubis*! Oh, what's the use?

Akumajô Dracula X: chi no rondo (1993) (VG)
Count Dracula: [enters Annette's room] Such a fine girl. Surely the blood of a beautiful woman will quench the thirst in my body.
Annette: [holds out a knife to herself] Stay away from me!
Count Dracula: [chuckles] What are you afraid of? In exchange for your blood, you can gain eternal life and beauty for me, can you not? Please, it's a simple matter. I get what I need, and you benefit as well. And then together, you and I shall reign over this world.
Annette: If it means becoming... a savage, I... I would sooner kill myself.
Count Dracula: [places his palm on Annette's cheek] As you wish. However, what exactly makes me a savage? If my existence itself makes me savage, is that not the result of this world? Are not all the people of this age savages as well? If so, I should be a shining beacon for what this world wants me to be. The one to lead them, do you not agree?
Shaft: My lord Count!
Count Dracula: What is it?
Shaft: There are intruders in the castle.
Count Dracula: I see. Destiny can be quite fun at times. They've likely come to interfere. I hope you'll be in a better mood later. Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[leaves the room]
Annette: Save me, Richter...

[last lines]
[Dracula has just been defeated in combat by Richter]
Count Dracula: Once again, the blood of Belmont has defeated me. Perhaps this too, is part of my fate.
Richter Belmont: Death to you! The world is not yours to exist in!
Count Dracula: It is not by my own power that I am resurrected. It is the greed of humanity which calls me back, and thus, by might, I rule. Might becomes the one and only justice in this world!
Richter Belmont: Of all the self serving clap trap! The same fate drives all people to seek, to come together, to move forward. That surely can't be an evil thing.
Count Dracula: [starts to burn] And yet, here I am. Do you not have any desires?
Richter Belmont: Well...
Count Dracula: It is by your desires that you humans prosper. And it is your faith which has ruled you. Considering that, can you really call me evil?
Richter Belmont: But people cannot be ruled by power alone. The sacred, the honorable, the loved, those things can rule humanity. Something evil will eventually fall to ruin!
Count Dracula: I see, perhaps you're right. Ha ha ha ha ha. We shall meet again, blood of Belmont! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[Dracula's body burns to ashes and Richter is last seen standing on the cliff watching the castle from afar]

[last lines]
[Maria's ending]
Count Dracula: Once again, the blood of Belmont has defeated me. Perhaps this too, is part of my fate.
Maria Renard: It's your fault! For being so mean to everyone!
[Maria's cat meows angrily at Dracula]
Count Dracula: It is not by my own power that I am resurrected. It is the greed of humanity which calls me back, and thus, by might, I rule. Might becomes the one and only justice in this world!
Maria Renard: I don't understand what that means! No matter how complicated you make it, a bad thing is still a bad thing!
Count Dracula: [Dracula starts to burn] So long as greedy humans exist, I shall be reborn. That's all you need to remember. Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm... You proved amusing to me! We shall meet again, blood of Belmont! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[Dracula's body burns to ashes]
Maria Renard: What's he think is so funny?
[just then, the castle starts to crumble]
Maria Renard: Oh, it's crumbling! Everyone, run for it, quickly!
[Maria and her animals escape the castle just as it collapses, Maria and the animals then stand from afar watching the remains of the castle crumble; after the credits finish, Maria waves at the player]

[Richter has just saved Maria from Shaft and she falls into Richter's arms and awakens]
Maria Renard: Who are you? Mister? A good guy?
Richter Belmont: I am Richter Belmont, Vampire Hunter. And you are?
Maria Renard: [giggles] My name's Maria Renard! I heard all about you from Annette! I came here to beat some bad men! But I got caught! My family are vampire hunters too, so I guess that means we should be friends now!
Richter Belmont: Sure, friends.
[Maria giggles as the two shake hands]
Richter Belmont: But Maria, you're too young for this. You just let the big hunter here take care of that bad man, okay?
Maria Renard: [pouts] Oh, you don't know anything! I can handle this just fine!
[Richter laughs]

Tera: [notices Richter has arrived to rescue her] Who's there? Ah!
[she runs over to him]
Richter Belmont: Um... Excuse me.
Tera: Oh, a Guardian Angel, sent from Heaven to rescue me!
Richter Belmont: The path up to here is safe. Hurry back to the village. Understand?
Tera: [before Richter leaves] Pardon, but what is your name?
Richter Belmont: I'm Richter Belmont, the Vampire Hunter.
Tera: Richter, may you go with God's protection.
[cutscene ends]

Iris: [Richter arrives to rescue her] Ah, are you human? Did you come to save me?
Richter Belmont: Yeah.
Iris: [noticing Richter's wound] Oh, my, you're injured!
Richter Belmont: Nah, I'm fine. This is nothing to make a fuss over. See ya.
Iris: Oh, wait a minute, my father is a doctor.
[she rips part of her dress and ties it around Richter's wound]
Iris: That should do it.
Richter Belmont: Thank you.
Iris: Oh, no, it's I should be thanking you. Thank you very much! You're going further ahead, aren't you? Do be very careful.

[the player has rescued Annette in Stage 7]
Richter Belmont: Annette!
Annette: Richter!
[the two run over to each other and embrace]
Richter Belmont: You are hurt?
Annette: No, are you?
Richter Belmont: Nah, I'm fine, I'm overflowing with the blood of the vampire hunter, after all. I need to let a little out once in a while.
Annette: [lets out a soft giggle] Oh, well then...
Richter Belmont: You head back to the village without me. I'm going on ahead. It's time to end this 100-year blood feud.
Annette: You mean...?.
Richter Belmont: Yeah, I'm gonna kill him myself.
Annette: No, don't! It's too dangerous!
Richter Belmont: But this is my destiny. Besides, his blood is calling to me. The path up to here is safe. Now get going.
[runs off]
Annette: Richter, wait! Richter! Come back... Come back in one piece... Please...

The Flintstones Meet Rockula and Frankenstone (1979) (TV)
Rockula: [waking up] Midnight already? How long have I been asleep?
Frankenstone: Five hundred years, Master.
Rockula: Five hundred years! Oh boy, did I oversleep, you should've awaken me four hundred years ago.

Rockula: You must be Fred Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone: Wait a minute pal, I'm not Flintstone, I'm the building inspector, that's all.
Rockula: You are who?
Fred Flintstone: The local building inspector.
Rockula: Why would a building inspector be rolling around inside of a barrel?
Fred Flintstone: Well you see, I'm also a local barrel inspector.
Rockula: You inspect buildings and barrels at 3 o' clock in the morning?
Fred Flintstone: Uh yeah well... moonlighting, that's what I'm doing, moonlighting, I have several jobs.
Rockula: Ridiculous! Do you take me for a fool? You are Fred Flintstone! Or should we put it this way, you WERE Fred Flintstone.
Fred Flintstone: I like the first way better.

[Rockula and Frankenstone, while chasing the Flintstones and Rubbles, stop at some barrels, where their targets are hiding]
Rockula: We must find them! I will search over there, you stay here and check the barrels.
Frankenstone: [as Rockula runs off] Yes, master.
Fred Flintstone: [Imitating Rockula from inside the barrel] Forget about the barrel! Search elsewhere!
Frankenstone: Yes, master.
[Walks off]

Rockula: [Repeated line] I am not Silika!

Rockula: I am sure I heard voices. Those barrels, did you check them out?
Frankenstone: Uh, no, Master. Master tell me forget barrels.
Rockula: What? I said no such thing! Look in the barrels! I'll look over there.
[Rockula runs off. Frankenstone picks up a barrel and looks inside it, unaware that Fred is crouching right beside him]
Frankenstone: Empty!
[Places the barrel, unknowingly, on Fred, picks up another and looks inside, accidentally bumping the barrel with Fred away]
Frankenstone: Empty!
[Throws the barrel away]

[Rockula, in bat form, appears in Wilma's bedroom, where Wilma is sleeping]
Rockula: My beloved bride, it is me, Count Rockula! I have returned!
Wilma Flintstone: [Half-asleep] Uh? You woke me up. I was having such a nice dream.
Rockula: Your dream has come true, my darling. After 500 years, I have come back to you.
Wilma Flintstone: [Sees Rockula and gasps] Why, Mr. Silika!
[Rockula's arms drop in amazement]
Wilma Flintstone: How dare you come into my room! This is an outrage!
Rockula: An outrage? But you are my bride. Who is Mr. Silika?
Wilma Flintstone: Look, a joke is a joke, but this is carrying it too far. You'd better clear out of here fast. My husband will be back any minute.
Rockula: Your husband? But that's me.
Wilma Flintstone: I warn you, if he finds you here, there's no telling what he'll do.
Rockula: I don't know what you're talking about. Come, we will leave together.
[Frankenstone opens the tapestry from behind]
Wilma Flintstone: Ah! I'm gonna report you to Monty Marble. The producers of "Make a Deal or Don't"! Are they gonna hear about this!
[Rockula carries Wilma out of the room as the tapestry closes]

[Rockula has kidnapped Wilma and taken her to his lair]
Rockula: Ah, my secret crypt! Do you not remember this place where we used to meet before you became my bride?
Wilma Flintstone: Mr. Silika, I don't appreciate this phony act of yours.
Rockula: You know, my dear, you are beautiful when you are angry.
Wilma Flintstone: Oh, I don't know about beautiful, but I'm angry alright, Mr. Silika.
Rockula: Silika! Who is this Mr. Silika?
[Frankenstone knocks on the door]
Rockula: Come!
[Frankenstone enters]
Wilma Flintstone: Well, my Goodness! Who are you? I don't recall seeing a tall Frankenstone at the party.
Frankenstone: She very beautiful!
Wilma Flintstone: Oh, no, not you too. Look, fellas, I'm flattered. But I'm tired of this corny game, Mr. Silika.
[Rockula turns into a bat. Wilma screams. Rockula turns back to normal]
Rockula: There, my dear. Have I convinced you?

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Buffy vs. Dracula (#5.1)" (2000)
[to Xander]
Dracula: You are strange and off-putting. Go now.

Dracula: Do you know why you cannot resist?
Buffy: 'Cause you're famous?

Dracula: What is this?
Buffy: My true nature. You want a taste?

Dracula: Very impressive hunt. Such power.
Buffy: That was no hunt. That was just another day on the job. Care to step up for some overtime?
Dracula: We're not going to fight.
Buffy: Do you know what a Slayer is?
Dracula: Do you?

Buffy: So let me get this straight. You're..."Dracula." The guy. The Count.
Dracula: I am.
Buffy: And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? 'Cause I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat.
Dracula: You know who I am. As I would know without question that you are Buffy Summers.
Buffy: You've heard of me?
Dracula: Naturally. You're known throughout the world.
Buffy: Naw. Really?
Dracula: Why else would I come here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned... killer.
Buffy: Yeah, I prefer the term "Slayer." You know, killer just sounds so...
Dracula: Naked?
Buffy: Like I paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy, remember?
Dracula: Perhaps, but your power is rooted in darkness. You must feel it.
Buffy: [having had enough] No. You know what I feel? Bored.

Dracula: I have no interest in you. Leave us.
Xander: No, we're not going to
[in Dracula's accent]
Xander: "leave you." And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street?
[as the Count on Sesame Street]
Xander: Vun, two, three - three victims. Mwa ha ha.

Buffy: [frustrated] Who are you?
Dracula: I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula.
Buffy: [unbelieving] Get out!

"The Cartoon Cartoon Show: Mina and the Count: Interlude with a Vampire (#1.19)" (1995)
Count: [looks at his schedule] Let's see: Wednesday, Nina Parker, age 17...
[sees a picture on Mina's wall]
Count: Mina Harper, age 7? That's the last time Igor is in charge of the schedule!

Count: [hypnotizes a young woman] Come to me, darling. Come. Come to me now. Come closer, darling, closer and deeper into my power. Deeper. Closer to me...
[sees that the young woman is in fact a girl]
Count: Closer and deep into... deep in... closer... WHAT?

[having a tea party with Mina]
Count: If I don't get some real liquid over these fangs, I'll...

Count: I have a new game to play: Hide and Seek! You Seek, and I'll Hide...
[takes off]

Igor: Master?
Count: Yes, Igor?
Igor: How did you like my selection for this evening?
Count: She left me a bit... hungry.
[attacks Igor]

"Count Duckula: Ghostly Gold (#2.1)" (1989)
Count Duckula: [pained voice] Igorrr! You're standing on my fingers!
Igor: Oh, I do beg your pardon, sir! I thought the carpet there was a little less threadbare!

Nanny: Cooie! Ducky-boos!
Count Duckula: Mind the...
[Nanny breaks the door]
Count Duckula: ...door, Nanny.
Nanny: Oh, I brought you something to eat! I thought you might be hungry.
Nanny: [tastes food] I don't think anyone could be *that* hungry, Nanny!
Count Duckula: Oh, ducky-boos, eat up, it's your dinner!
Nanny: You can't really expect me to eat *that*, Nanny! Let's face it, the *tray* looks more appetizing!
Nanny: [bites the tray]
Nanny: No, it tastes pretty much the same as the food!

Count Duckula: Gold, gold! It may not buy happiness, but it can buy you a better state of misery, that's for sure!

Nanny: [the three are leaving for the Yukon] Oh, let's not go, Duckyboos, I gets homesick!
Count Duckula: Yes, I get pretty sick of it as well, Nanny!

Count Duckula: [the three are out in the snow, lost] I still think it would have been a better idea to bring the *dogs* to pull the sled, Nanny.
Nanny: Oh, no, Duckyboos, it's too cold. Those poor little mutts would have been half-freezing!
Igor: Instead, they're tucked in front of a blazing fire, drinking the young master's best cocoa and eating his chocolate biskies.
Nanny: Oh, dear, I meant to pack them some custard creams as well, I hope they don't get too upset!

Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Count Dracula: [Hearing howling] Listen...
[More howling]
Count Dracula: Listen. The children of the night make their music.

Count Dracula: Death is not the worst. There are things more horrible than death.

Count Dracula: [subtitled version] Time is an abyss...

Count Dracula: [subtitled version] Time is an abyss... profound as a thousand nights... Centuries come and go... To be unable to grow old is terrible... Death is not the worst... Can you imagine enduring centuries, experiencing each day the same futilities...

Count Dracula: The absence of love is the most abject pain.

Blood for Dracula (1974)
Count Dracula: The blood of these whores is killing me.

Count Dracula: If you really were clever, Anton, you would bring me a virgin from Italy and I wouldn't have to go.

Anton, the Count's Servant: Things look promising.
Count Dracula: O, you think so? I have no coffin to sleep in, the kitchen is full with impure meat, we've been travelling for days... No progress!

Count Dracula: It's very useful for a woman to practise home-making.

Count Dracula: Why did you take me on this hopeless... journey? let me go home and die in peace! what good is it to have tea when I can't find the right vegetable to go with it? I guess I have to eat the rest of the romanian lettuce... with lemon. Ze oil! Zey put zo much oil here on EVERYting! But there must be some cheese?

"Count Duckula: Dr. Goosewing and Mr. Duck (#1.22)" (1989)
Count Duckula: Blood! I need blood! I must have blood; my fangs tingle to be biting necks!

Count Duckula: [complaining about his breakfast and walking to his icebox] Oh, well, if it's going to be porridge, at least I'll have some milk on it.
Igor: [Igor shows up in the icebox] Milk? Oh, sir, why not try a little...
Count Duckula: If you're going to suggest I pour blood on my porridge, Igor, I shall be forced to order you to leave the room!
Igor: A little drop of group AB never hurt anybody, milord.

Count Duckula: [Igor has come with Dr.Von Goosewing] Oh, there you are, Igor. You wouldn't happen to know what I was doing in the cellar, would you?
Igor: Only too well, only too well!
Count Duckula: Oh, well I don't. Ooh, boy have I got a headache. Could you get me something for it, Igor?
Igor: The only thing that will alleviate your suffering, Count Duckula, and that of those you and your kind prey upon, is a stake!
Count Duckula: Oh, good, well could you get me- a steak? A steak for a headache? Igor, what are y-, and you know I'm a vegetarian!
Igor: You see, doctor, how devious, how clever the vampire can be?

Count Duckula: Come Igor, Igor, where are these village maidens you keep telling about? Huh-huh-huh?

Dracula III: Legacy (2005) (V)
Dracula: You know, I never felt this alive in a thousand years.

Dracula: They are no dead here, just the fucked-up dead!

Dracula: [indicating a pit filled with vampires feasting on their victims] Be careful. They will bite.

Julia Hughes: Is this your idea of seduction?
Dracula: Seduction?
[grabs her by the throat]
Dracula: I don't think so.

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)
Count Dracula: [to Van Helsing] In the days to come, you will pray for death... release...

Count Dracula: [to Van Helsing] My revenge has spread over centuries and has just begun!

Count Dracula: [to Van Helsing, as D.D. Denham] You are an interfering man, Professor. Do not meddle, or you will have to deal with me.

Count Dracula: At this, the Sabbath of the Undead, I call upon you to witness my supreme triumph.

"Count Duckula: The Mutinous Penguins (#1.6)" (1988)
[first lines]
Narrator: On the dark Arctic Seas, a lone ship battles against blizzards, but on board is one who will freeze your blood faster than any icy wind, yes, it is Count Duckula, on a strange and sinister quest.
Count Duckula: [singing] A life on the ocean waves, a life on the ocean waves!

Count Duckula: I suppose we're lucky to have found this ship so quickly.
Igor: Mm, quite so, sir, but I-, I must say I don't like the look of the crew.
Count Duckula: I don't like the smell of them either; I bet they've never heard of soap.
Captain Penguin: 'Course I've heard of soap, I eats a bar a week whether I needs it or not, ha-harr!

Igor: [points to map] Look here, captain, the master has cleverly worked out where we can find the Castle Duckula.
Count Duckula: Yes, by my calculations, it should be just...
[points to map]
Count Duckula: *here*!
Captain Penguin: But that be the South Seas, sir! There be nothing but water down there, sir. Warm, mile upon mile of water, a man can go mad down there, sir. Mad, I tell ye, mad. Mad!
[laughs maniacally]
Count Duckula: Well, you muyst have been down there quite a bit!

Count Duckula: Here, Igor, I don't know how you could just lose a castle.
Igor: *Me*, sir? I hardly think I'm to blame, *you* were the one -
Count Duckula: All right, all right, I must have said it wrong. But you must have left off the safety hatch.
Igor: Me, sir? Oh no, sir, I was doing something dastardly with sulphur in the cellar. It was probably Nanny at the -
Count Duckula: Oh, yes, it's very easy to blame poor Nanny.
Igor: Actually, sir it is *very* easy to blame Nanny.
Count Duckula: Well, let's do that, then.
Count Duckula, Igor: Nanny!
Nanny: [breaks out from under the deck] Ooh, I'll be glad to get back to our nice kitchen at home. How can you make a cup of tea in a silly little kitchen like that?
Count Duckula: Well, Nannym, if you hadn't lost the castle -
Nanny: Me lost the castle?
Igor: You see, she admits it.

Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)
Dracula: I am known as the Count of Darkness, the Lord of the Manor of Corpathia.

Dracula: And all those who would meddle in the destinies of Frankenstein and Dracula... will see an infernal bloodbath the likes of which has not swept the Earth before!

Dracula: My coffin awaits you becoming immortal in its embrace!

Dracula: No, him! Him! Him! No! Him! Him!

Castlevania: Judgment (2008) (VG)
Count Dracula: Come, the true lord of darkness is upon you.

Count Dracula: [Facing Simon Belmont] Simon Belmont!

Count Dracula: [facing Trevor Belmont] Trevor Belmont!

Count Dracula: How tiresome. What an utter waste of time.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (1997) (VG)
Richter Belmont: Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!
Dracula: It is not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was brought here by humans who wish to pay me tribute.
Richter Belmont: Tribute? You steal mens' souls and make them your slaves!
Dracula: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions...
Richter Belmont: Your words are as empty as your soul. Mankind ill needs a savior such as you.
Dracula: What is a man?
[tosses goblet, which breaks]
Dracula: A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk, HAVE AT YOU!

Alucard: You have been doomed ever since you lost the ability to love.
Dracula: Hah... Ah, sarcasm. For what profit is it to a man, if he gains the world, and loses his own soul? Matthew 16:26, I believe.

Alucard: Father...
Dracula: Well met, my son! it's been a long time.
Alucard: I was hoping we would not see each other again. I can't allow you to leave here, father.
Dracula: You have ever been the ally of humans. Have you forgotten what they did to your mother?
Alucard: Think you I would forget such a thing? No. Neither do I see revenge against them.
Dracula: Still uttering the same nonsense. No matter. Now is the time to put aside your weak human side and join me in remaking this world!

Dracula: Tell me. What... what were Lisa's last words?
Alucard: She said "Do not hate humans. If you cannot live with them, then at least do them no harm. For theirs is already a hard lot. She also said to tell you that she will love you for all of eternity...
Dracula: Lisa, forgive me! Farewell my son...

Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula (2000) (TV)
Vlad Dracula: Bruno, have I told not you I am indestructible?

Radu: You are going to kill me, aren't you?
Vlad Dracula: You are a traitor to your people. You betrayed our father!
Radu: I never betrayed our father! Besides, if it weren't for me, you'd still be in that Turk prison.
Vlad Dracula: You had that much influence over the Sultan? Even as a boy?
Radu: Especially as a boy.

Vlad Dracula: No... no... please! Lidia, come walk with me!
Lidia: I will always walk with you.
[kisses her cross, then jumps]

Radu: Why aren't you afraid? Why aren't you begging for your life, like any other man?!
Father Stefan: Because he's not like ANY OTHER MAN! And I knew it the moment he was delivered unto this world.
[to Dracula]
Father Stefan: God save me, had I one moment alone with you, I would have strangled you in your crib.
Vlad Dracula: You...you murdered my father!
Father Stefan: Because were your father unable to pay the Sultan's ransom...
Vlad Dracula: ...I'd be put to death.
Father Stefan: Our God has said to the prophets there would come an antichrist who would promise peace but deliver an apocalypse.
Vlad Dracula: My fight was never with God...it was with you!
Father Stefan: And that is why you are doomed, Vlad. Because you fight all of us. You fight your own blood, your own people, and your own church. Because you are an antichrist, and you are doomed.

"The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles: Transylvania, January 1918 (#2.22)" (1993)
General Targo: Good evening, Captain Jones.
Indiana Jones: How do you know my name?
General Targo: This is my home. I know all that goes on under it's roof.

General Targo: [Indy is aiming his pistol at the General's forehead] So theatrical, so melodramatic, so... American.

General Targo: It has been so long... But now the land will be safe. We will crush the intruders out and wash the earth with their blood. Their deaths will cleanse us. Their screams from the stake will lull us to sleep. For it is such a purity death has, such a perfect beauty.

General Targo: That was... impolite.

"Count Duckula: Who Dunnit? (#2.11)" (1989)
Count Duckula: Okay, sir, thanks for dropping by.
Willoughby Stane: Not at all, old boot.
Count Duckula: Excuse me?
Willoughby Stane: Sorry?
Count Duckula: That's all right.
Willoughby Stane: Right so. Um, anything else?
Count Duckula: Um, no, no, nothing else. No I-yes, of course there's anything else! Like-like questions!
Willoughby Stane: Ah.
Count Duckula: Exactly. I'll start with an easy one. What's your name?
Willoughby Stane: The Right Honorable Guy Syndrin Willoughby Stane.
Count Duckula: Well, I *thought* it was an easy one. Let's-uh, let's keep it simple, huh? Just let me have your surname.
Willoughby Stane: Willoughby Stane.
[sounds like "Will you be stayin'"]
Count Duckula: Yes, I certainly will! Until I get an answer to my question! Understand?
Willoughby Stane: Oh, absolutely, old bean.
Count Duckula: Okay! So what's the surname?
Willoughby Stane: Willoughby Stane.
Count Duckula: Look, I'm asking the questions! What's your name?
Willoughby Stane: Willoughby Stane.
Count Duckula: [groans in frustration]
Willoughby Stane: No-no-no-no, that's my name!
Count Duckula: Huh? Oh, ha! Oh, that's your name! Oh, I get it, I get it!
[laughs mirthlessly]
Count Duckula: Huh, see, yeah! Willoughby Stane!
Willoughby Stane: No, I'm leaving shortly.
Count Duckula: Excuse me?
Willoughby Stane: I'm leaving shortly.
Count Duckula: But you said that you were Willoughby Stane!

Judge: And so, it only remains for me to pronounce sentence, Count Duckula.
Count Duckula: Pronounce away!
Judge: Sen-tence!
Count Duckula: Very nicely pronounced!
Judge: Thank you.
Count Duckula: [is about to leave] Good-bye.
Judge: Good-bye. Come back!
Count Duckula: Drat!

Count Duckula: [reading a letter] It says here the my great uncle, twice removed -
Nanny: Ooh, where's he removed from?

Mr. Snatchett: [reading the will of the Duke and the word "source" sounds like "sauce"] "I have been receiving letters from an unknown source - "
Count Duckula: Unknown sauce, eh? Could be onion, could be tomato, have you analysed his waistcoat?

Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972)
Johnny Alucard: Master, I did it, I summoned you!
Count Dracula: It was my will.

Count Dracula: You would play your brains against mine. Against me who has commanded nations?

Professor Van Helsing: Count Dracula Look on me Dracula look on me and remember
[flashback to 1872 when Dracula was destroyed the first time]
Count Dracula: You dare to play your brain against mine one who has commanded nations.

Nocturna (1979)
Dracula: If I'm a alive, what am I doing here? But on the other hand, if I'm dead, why do I have to wee-wee?

Dracula: I don't even have my own fangs anymore. But in the old days, in my time of youth, I had magnificent fangs. All the ladies would say I was hung like a walrus!

Dracula: A vampire crying? You're a disgrace!

"Count Duckula: Transylvanian Homesick Blues (#1.4)" (1988)
Prehistoric Vampire: [pops out of his stone coffin] Aha! Um... aha!
Count Duckula: Aha what?
Prehistoric Vampire: Just... aha!
Count Duckula: You can't have just "aha". It doesn't make sense!
Prehistoric Vampire: Look, I'm the world first vampire; all I know is "Aha". How do I know what makes sense?
Igor: Oh, I was wondering why sir is out in the middle of the day.
Prehistoric Vampire: Uh, um, middle of the... uh... is that wrong?
Igor: Oh, indubitaby, sir. You should only come out at night.
Prehistoric Vampire: Night? Night... that's that dark bit, isn't it?
Prehistoric Vampire: I-I couldn't do that; you can't see a thing at night!
Count Duckula: Oh, I suppose they haven't invented street lights yet!
Igor: Have you tried sinking your teeth into something yet, sir?
Prehistoric Vampire: Oh, yes!
Prehistoric Vampire: I tried that for the first time this morning!
Igor: Oh, everything went well, I trust, sir? The maiden was very tasty?
Prehistoric Vampire: Maiden?
Prehistoric Vampire: So *that's* what they're called, are they? Uh, no, it wasn't very tasty, now you come to mention it; it got very angry and it's been chasing me all day! In fact-uh-in fact, here comes that maiden again! Whoa-oh!
[dives back into coffin]
Count Duckula: [the "maiden" turns out to be a dinosaur] Wow-wowee-wow! Now *that's*what I call a healthy sized maiden!

Dr. Fexactely: [in the vegetable era] Oh it's about 4008. If my memory serves me right, an artichoke has just been made President of the United States of America, and two turnips have just landed on Venus.
Count Duckula: Coo, just think, a turnip on Venus. Well that's a small step for a vegetable, but a giant leap for an Irish stew.

Count Duckula: Now if I say we go on the rollercoaster, we go on the rollercoaster, you too, Nanny.
Nanny: Oooh no, I-I think I'll stay here and watch Mr. Igor take his head off.
Count Duckula: Now look, I don't want to pull rank... but if you're not over by that rollercoaster in two seconds, I'll stand here... and... I'll sing.
Count Duckula: [Nanny and Igor run off] I'm employing a couple of philistines.
Igor: Phyllis Stein? Isn't that Gertrude's sister?

Vampire City (2009)
Count Dracula: You can't kill me, I'm a Rock 'N Roll Vampire. The spirit of Jimi Hendrix is always with me.
Count Dracula: Vienna is a good place for Vampires. The people here are that weird, they wouldn't see any difference between a Vampire and a normal person.

Pia: Hey, that means, we could kill Vampires by playing songs of the Spice Girls to them.
Count Dracula: Yes, but you would not even do this to your own worst enemy, would you?

Count Dracula: I am the Prince of Darkness.
Isabelle: Then turn the lights on!

Waxwork (1988)
Dracula: Raw meat. You do like raw meat?

Dracula: Steak tartar? Ah, yes. Steak tartar.

Scars of Dracula (1970)
Dracula: [to Paul] But you are. Before the castle was destroyed, strangers were always welcome. Please be seated. While your room is being prepared, you will take some wine?

Julie: Stop! Stop! Let me go! Let me go!
Klove: Have I pleased you, Master? Am I forgiven?
Dracula: You have done well.

"Animaniacs: Draculee, Draculaa/Phranken-Runt (#1.29)" (1993)
Dracula: You can't make a fool out of me.
Yakko: [dress up Dracula in a fool outfit] Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.

Dracula: I am Count Dracula.
Yakko: Didn't you use to teach math on Sesame Street?

The Monster Squad (1987)
[Dracula throws dynamite in the boys' tree house]
Dracula: Meeting adjourned.
[the tree house explodes]

Dracula: [holding Phoebe up by her throat] Give me the amulet, you BITCH!

The Batman vs. Dracula (2005) (V)
Dracula: Go ahead and run! You cannot escape me, Batman! I am evil incarnate! I am the Prince of...
[He floats up and sees Batman standing in front of the sunlight machine]
Dracula: ...Darkness?
Batman: Rise and shine.
[triggers the machine, and blasts Dracula with artificial sunlight]

The Penguin: Agh! Dead guys don't do that.
Dracula: Not dead... UN-dead.
The Penguin: I think I need to UN-wet my pants.

"The Super Hero Squad Show: This Man-Thing, This Monster! (Six Against Infinity, Part 3) (#2.17)" (2011)
Dracula: Son of Frankenstein!

Dracula: Now I have to see the dentist
[jumps into Man-Thing's arms]
Dracula: I'm scared of the dentist!
Iron Man: Ah, no fear, because...
Announcer: [voice over] Whatever knows fear burns at the Man-Thing's touch. Ouch!
Dracula: Oh, drat-cula.

"Supernatural: Monster Movie (#4.5)" (2008)
Dracula: [referring to portrait of woman] She is beautiful, no? Bride number three from the first film. She never got the acclaim that she deserved. Which is why I chose her shape, her form to move among the mortals unnoticed, to listen to the cricket songs of the living. That is when I discovered my bride had been reborn in this century.
Dean Winchester: [chuckles] I can't get over what a pumpkin-pie-eyed, crazy son of a bitch you really are. You're not Dracula. You get that right? Or even if you think you are Dracula, what the hell's up with the Mummy?
Dracula: [punches Dean in his face] I am *all* monsters!
Dean Winchester: Life ain't a movie you sorry sack of...
Dracula: [again punches Dean] Life is small, meager, messy. The movies are grand, simple, elegant. I have chosen elegance.
Dean Winchester: You think "elegance" is really the word for what you did to Marissa or Rick Deacon? Or any of the others?
Dracula: But of course. It is a monster movie, after all.
Dean Winchester: You do realize what happens at the end of *every* monster movie?
Dracula: Ah. But this movie is *mine*. And in it, the monster wins. The monster gets the girl. And the hero, he's... electrocuted.
[reaches for pulley switch]
Dracula: And tonight, Jonathan Harker, you will be my hero.

Pizza Delivery Guy: Uh, pizza delivery?
Dracula: Ah, you have brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared.
Pizza Delivery Guy: Uh-huh. That'll be $15.50.
Dracula: Tell me...
Pizza Delivery Guy: Yeah?
Dracula: Is there garlic on this pizza?
Pizza Delivery Guy: I don't know. Did you order garlic?
Dracula: No!
Pizza Delivery Guy: Then no. Look, mister, I've got four other deliveries to make. You want to just pay me the money so I can go?
Dracula: Of course. Yes. But I have a coupon.

"Count Duckula: The Great Ducktective (#3.7)" (1990)
Igor: Milord?
Count Duckula: [indicating glass filled with red fluid] Would you mind telling me just what is the meaning of *this*?
Igor: Has it gone *off*, milord?
Count Duckula: What?
Igor: *Bad*, milord.
Count Duckula: [indicating glass filled with red fluid] Igor, I know what off is! This stuff was was never *on* in the first place! You know what this stuff is!
Igor: [angry] But of course, milord! It is blood!
Count Duckula: Buh-lood! Exactly! And would you mind telling me just what it is doing in my refrigerator?
Count Duckula: I thought you might care for a night of the thirteenth, milord.
Count Duckula: No, Igor, I would not! I'm quite happy with my mead! Thank you!
Count Duckula: Now, what were we talking about?
Igor: [indicating blood] *That*, milord.
Count Duckula: Oh, yes of course. And-AAAGH! Blood!
Igor: [cheerfully] Yes , milord! And an excellent vintage, too!
Count Duckula: That's enough, Igor! Now listen! I do not want to see blood, blech, in my refrigerator ever again! Never, no more, never, no way, no how, *never*!
Count Duckula: Get it?
Igor: Yes, milord!
Count Duckula: Got it?
Igor: Yes, milord.

Count Duckula: [about Nanny crashing through the walls] I don't believe it! I *do* believe it; I just don't like it!

"Danger Mouse: The Four Tasks of Danger Mouse (#2.6)" (1982)
Count Duckula: You will be astounded! I will produce not rabbits out of hats, but hats, haha, out of rabbits!

Count Duckula: You wretch! You're d-d-d-d-doomed, I'll have your blood!
Danger Mouse: Oh no you won't.
Count Duckula: Ah? Well, why not, and why?
Danger Mouse: Because, my vampire friend, here comes the sun.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XX (#21.4)" (2009)
Count Dracula: Ah, Halloween. The one day when we can walk the streets undetected.
Jimbo Jones: Hey, lame-os! Turner Classic Movies called. They want their costumes back!

Marge Simpson: [Dracula, the Mummy, Frankenstein's monster and the Wolfman are at the door] Friends of Homer's?
Homer Simpson: They're not my friends.
Count Dracula: We brought a bottle of booze. Booooze!
Homer Simpson: Come in, come in.

"Dracula: A Whiff of Sulfur (#1.2)" (2013)
Dracula: So what. Two words guaranteed to dispel any manner of mediocrity masquerading as conventional wisdom.

Dracula: When it comes to dreams, one may falter, but the only way to fail is to abandon them.

"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XXI (#22.4)" (2010)
Edmund: Dad,I don't need a chaperone. I'm 400 years old.
Count Dracula: You live under my crypt, you follow my rules.
Edmund: You're tearing me apart!

Count Dracula: Look, I'm more than just a vampire. I'm also a sucker for dixieland jazz.
[Plays jazz trumpet]
Edmund: You said you weren't bringing it.
Count Dracula: I said I might not.

"Young Dracula: Episode #1.1" (2006)
[first lines]
Vlad: All my life I've wanted to fit in, to be ordinary. So I thought moving to a new town would be my chance. My chance to be normal. But I was forgetting one little thing... I'm a vampire.

Vlad: I'm a pre-teen vampire. That means I've got the reflexes of a night hunter, combined with the incredible ability to sneak out behind my parents' back.

"Danger Mouse: Duckula Meets Frankenstoat (#7.3)" (1986)
Danger Mouse: I mean, Count Duckula, that you are caught in the act.
Count Duckula: Yes, Act IV scene III, actually.
Danger Mouse: Well, it's curtains for you.

Count Duckula: Ah, the bats that go poof in the night.

"Danger Mouse: The Return of Count Duckula (#4.2)" (1983)
Danger Mouse: Hold it right there, Duckula, or it's bad eggs for you.
Count Duckula: N-Never! W-watch this.
[puts peg on nose]
Danger Mouse: The devil! He's got an anti-rotten-egg-peg!

Danger Mouse: [Duckula has met a dramatic demise owing to a crop of rotten cabbage] By Jove, Pen...
Count Duckula: [springs up, very much alive] Good, wasn't I, eh? B-b-b-b-book my table at the Academy Awards!

"Count Duckula: Vampire Vacation (#1.2)" (1988)
Count Duckula: Spain, huh? Do they have any rain there?
Igor: Mainly on the plain.

Don Diego: Just because I'm tall and handsome and brave and good and kind and wonderful and... I-I-I-happen to chop up two or three of the villagers into tiny little pieces now and again... they dislike me! Ha ha, ha ha!
Count Duckula: [laughs nervously] Y-y-y-you chopped-you chopped them up? Well, h-how many did you-you know, you chop-chop up there?
Don Diego: Oh, well, uh, well, *all* of them.
Count Duckula: Oh, just-just, you know, just all of them, huh?
Don Diego: Well, except for the really fat ones. I save them for tonight!

Dracula: The Musical (2010) (V)
Count Dracula: My God, why have you forsaken me? I curse you God! I spit on thee! I swear, that I will oppose you! I defy death! I will suck the life of you and all your followers, just as you have sucked the life out of me!

Vampire Sister: Me first.
Vampire Sister: No me.
Vampire Sister: He is young and strong. There is kisses enough for us all.
Vampire Sister: [Sung] Close your eyes and rest, fell how your world falls away, let your dreams become, let me ease your clothes.
The Vampire Sisters: [Sung] Rise from the ashes and dust, feel how your soul turns to velvet, let me feel you breathing, let me taste your skin! Indulge, Carpe Noctem! All we have is here tonight, there behind your eyelids, is a warm and wonderful treasure!
Vampire Sister: [Sung] Touch me with feverish fingers, I feel the quake and wind!
The Vampire Sisters: [Sung] Let us perish and seduce, let us taste your blood! We are your innermost desires, that you hardly dared to imagine! Everything you want we will do,
Vampire Sister: [Sung] We are your innermost desires, that you hardly dared to imagine! Everything you want we will do, reclining on my damp earth!
The Vampire Sisters: [Sung] Indulge, turn to fog, breathe, enjoy us! Glide away on the moon's streak, let your life become a spark! Indulge, Carpe Noctem! Weak is strong and evil's good! Live for us, capture the night, love that of flesh and blood!
Count Dracula: Away! How dare you touch him when I have forbidden you! This man belongs to me!
Vampire Sister: You don't know how it is!
Vampire Sister: You have never loved.
Vampire Sister: [Teasing] You never loves!
Count Dracula: I have also loved! Long ago... Once I'm done with him, you get to kiss him as much as you want!
Vampire Sister: We get nothing to the night?

Nosferatu (1922)
Graf Orlok: Is this your wife? What a lovely throat.

Graf Orlok: Blood! Your precious blood!

"Dracula: Four Roses (#1.9)" (2014)
[last lines]
Alexander Grayson: Hello, Lucy. If you insist on acting like a monster, I'm going to make you one.

To Die For (1988)
Vlad Tsepsh: Do you know what it is not to feel separate? In one moment, something animalistic takes over. In one furious, exquisite act... you're lost.

"Young Dracula: Blood Loyalties (#3.12)" (2011)
The Count: We shall behave in accordance with the noble tradition of the Draculas. Run away!

"Count Duckula: Venice a Duck Not a Duck (#4.5)" (1993)
Count Duckula: [regarding the newly acquired portrait] Grateful nothing! We need another portrait in here like this castle needs more cobwebs!

"Count Duckula: Incredible Shrinking Duck (#2.4)" (1989)
Nanny: [in a snowglobe] Ooh, Ducky-booz! Whatever is it? What's the matter, my little dumplin'?
Count Duckula: Look... look up there, it's Von Goosewing!
Nanny: Ooh, hasn't he grown!
Count Duckula: No, no, Nanny! It's us, we've shrunk!
Nanny: Ooh, that's nice! I been meanin' to go on a diet.

"Count Duckula: Town Hall Terrors (#1.23)" (1989)
Nanny: Are you saying my cocoa's lumpy?
Count Duckula: Of course not! It's one big lump.
Igor: Rather like Nanny herself, milord.
Count Duckula: Hehe! Very good Igor! I don't care what everyone else says - you HAVE got a sense of humour. Somewhere.

"Young Dracula: All for One (#3.13)" (2011)
Jonathan: Vlad, no biting?
Vlad: No slaying?
The Count: No fun!

"Count Duckula: Bloodsucking Fruit Bats of the Lower Amazon (#2.7)" (1989)
Count Duckula: You double crossed me, Igor. I won't forget this in a hurry.
Nanny: No, I won't forget it in a hurry neither.
Count Duckula: [patronisingly] What won't you forget in a hurry, Nanny?
Nanny: Erm... I forget!

"Count Duckula: Ducknapped (#2.2)" (1989)
Count Duckula: You know something, Nanny? This cereal tastes more like cardboard every morning.
Nanny: Mm, well that's probably 'cause it is cardboard.
Count Duckula: Oh, I see, well that would explain... *What?*
Nanny: Well, we ran out of cereal and all we had left was the box.
Count Duckula: Do you mean that I've been eating... ugh! You know Nanny, sometimes I wonder about you.
Nanny: Well, it's nice to know that someone cares!
Count Duckula: No, I didn't mean... Oh, what's the use?

"Young Dracula: Kidnipped (#2.1)" (2007)
The Count: He wants to feast on the blood of our enemy. Don't you, Vlad?
Vlad: Actually, I was thinking more of cornflakes.

Dracula (1980) (TV)
Dracula: [sees the burn in his hand] The Sign of the Cross. I have been used as an Instrument of Heaven!

"Dracula: Of Monsters and Men (#1.6)" (2013)
Dracula: Damn Van Helsing. I told him to delay our plan to avenge the order until he perfected the serum. Now I lose my company, or burn. Damn!

Blacula (1972)
Dracula: You shall pay, black prince. I shall place a curse of suffering on you that will doom you to a living hell. I curse you with my name. You shall be... Blacula!

Sex with a Smile (1976)
Dracula: We'll plunge together into a crimson lake!
Emilia Chiapponi: First you gotta plunge into something else.

Die Hard Dracula (1998)
Dracula: "Try it sometime. Just put your lips together and suck."

"Dracula: Let There Be Light (#1.10)" (2014)
Dracula: Mina.
Mina Murray: Alexander.
[Mina walks over to Dracula and they share an intimate embrace]
Mina Murray: I thought I lost you.
Dracula: I'm here. I'll always be here.

Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School (1988) (TV)
Daddy Dracula: [about Shaggy and Scooby] Sibella, these two are even battier than ve are!
Sibella Dracula: They are a little strange, Daddy, but they're fangtastic teachers!

"Young Dracula: Episode #1.2" (2006)
The Count: What peasant dares knock at my palace of doom?

"Urusei yatsura: What a Dracula! (#2.6)" (1982)
Kômori: Master! Master! Hey Master! Master what are you being so sulky about?
Count Dracula: What do you mean "what"? Who dumped garlic in my coffin?
Kômori: I'm sorry. But that was only because you just wouldn't get up.
Count Dracula: I'll admit to being a bad riser, but garlic, of all things?
Kômori: Next time I'll use a cross!

Castlevania: Lament of Innocence (2003) (VG)
Mathias Cronqvist: If limited life is God's decree, then I shall defy it! And within that eternity I shall curse Him forevermore!

Count Dracula (1970)
Count Dracula: One of my race crossed the Danube a destroyed the Turkish host.Though sometimes beaten back he came again and again then at the end he came again for he alone could triumph.This was a Dracula indeed.

"Young Dracula: Do the Bite Thing (#4.7)" (2012)
The Count: Which cloak says 'Die, treacherous scum' to you?
Malik: I thought we were on a revenge mission not a fashion shoot.
The Count: I can't kill Ramanga while improperly dressed. He'll never forgive me.

Her Morbid Desires (2008)
Count Dracula: [toasting] To courage, and how it fools men into thinking they can conquer the unconquerable.

"Dracula: Come to Die (#1.8)" (2013)
Dracula: Who do I have to kill?
R.M. Renfield: May I suggest no one, sir? Perhaps just this once?

"The Hilarious House of Frightenstein: Generic Show" (????)
The Count, The Oracle, Grizelda The Ghastly Gourmet, The Wolfman, Bwanna Clyde Batty, The Librarian, Dr. Pet Vet: I pledge allegiance to the three-toed sloth!

Living Death: A Day in the Life of Dracula (2004)
Dracula: Jesus, your hands are freezing!

"Count Duckula: The Vampire Strikes Back (#1.14)" (1988)
Tremendous Terrence: What's the date today?
Count Duckula: Er, the date, it's, er...May the 4th.
Tremendous Terrence: Why, then, May the 4th be with you!

Dracula and Son (1976)
Dracula père: I am Count Dracula, and I was sent here to see Van Helsing. Tell him I will wait no longer.