Van Helsing
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Quotes for
Van Helsing (Character)
from Dracula (1992)

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Van Helsing (2004)
Top Hat: I see the Wolfman hasn't killed you yet.
Van Helsing: Don't worry. He's getting to it.

Carl: Why does it smell like wet dog in here?
Van Helsing: [running past him] Werewolf!
Carl: Oh! You'll be needing silver bullets then.
[he produces a box of bullets and throws them to Van Helsing, rather deftly]
Van Helsing: Well done!

Carl: Here, take this.
[he hands Van Helsing a bag, then begins to fill it]
Carl: Rings of garlic... holy water... silver stake... crucifix...
[they pass two monks test-firing a Gatling gun]
Van Helsing: Why can't I have one of those?

Van Helsing: Now, Carl, whatever you do, don't stare at him.
[he opens the coach door, revealing the Frankenstein Monster shackled into the seat, struggling and snarling]
Carl: I'm staring at him.
[quickly turns away]
Carl: Is that a man?
Van Helsing: Actually, it's seven men. Parts of them, anyway.

Anna Valerious: For me this is all personal. It's all about family and honor. Why do you do it? What do you hope to get out of it?
Van Helsing: Oh, I don't know. Maybe some self-realization.
Anna Valerious: And what have you got out of it so far?
Van Helsing: Nightmares.

[after Van Helsing's first, failed attempt to kill Dracula]
Anna Valerious: A silver stake? A crucifix? What, did you think we haven't tried everything before? We've shot him, stabbed him, clubbed him, sprayed him with holy water, staked him through the heart, and STILL he lives! Do you understand? No-one knows how to kill Dracula!
Van Helsing: Well, I could have used that information a little earlier.

[Carl hands Van Helsing his latest invention, an automatic crossbow]
Carl: A work of certifiable genius.
Van Helsing: If you don't say so yourself.
Carl: Well, I did say so myself.

Anna Valerious: We Transylvanians always look on the brighter side of death.
Van Helsing: There's a brighter side of death?
Anna Valerious: Of course. It's just harder to see.

[stalking the werewolf through the streets]
Van Helsing: Who's hunting whom?

Van Helsing: [looking around for the werewolf] It's a little late for digging graves, isn't it?
Top Hat: It's never too late to dig graves. You never know when you'll need a fresh one...
[when Van Helsing turns around, he suddenly swings his shovel at Van Helsing's head. Van Helsing catches the handle and points his gun in Top Hat's face]
Top Hat: Oh, sorry! It's just... my nature.

Anna Valerious: Dwergi!
Van Helsing: Dwergi?
Anna Valerious: Dracula's servants. Industrious, but extremely vicious. If you get a chance to kill one, do it, because they'll do worse to you.

[seeing Dracula's children hatch and fly through the castle]
Van Helsing: This is where I come in!

[Van Helsing and Carl break into a mausoleum to hide the unconscious Monster]
Carl: I'm sure this is some kind of sin.
Van Helsing: Don't worry, God will forgive us.

Carl: Now, you won't turn into a werewolf until your first full moon. That's two days from now. So we have 48 hours to find a solution. But you'll still be able to fight Dracula's hold over you until the final stroke of midnight.
Van Helsing: Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.
Carl: Oh, my God, you should be terrified!
Van Helsing: Thank you.
Carl: Sorry.

Frankenstein's Monster: You've been bitten. Bitten by a werewolf. Now you will become that which you have hunted so passionately.
[Van Helsing takes out a tranquilizer blowgun]
Van Helsing: I am sorry...
Frankenstein's Monster: May others be as passionate in the hunting of you.

Van Helsing: If you're late, run like hell.
[Anna turns away, but he grabs her back]
Van Helsing: Don't be late.

Van Helsing: Bless me, Father, for I have...
Cardinal Jinette: Sinned! Yes, I know. You're very good at that. You shattered the Rose Window!
Van Helsing: Well, not to split hairs, sir, but it was Mr. Hyde who did the shattering...
Cardinal Jinette: 13th Century. Over six hundred years old! I wish you a week in hell for that!
Van Helsing: It would be a nice reprieve.
Cardinal Jinette: Don't get me wrong. Your results are unquestionable, but your methods attract far too much attention. Wanted posters? We are not pleased.
Van Helsing: Do you think I like being the most wanted man in Europe? Why don't you and the order do something about it?
Cardinal Jinette: Because we do not exist.
Van Helsing: Well, then neither do I.
[he gets up angrily, but the Cardinal presses a button, dropping a set of bars over the confessional's exit]
Cardinal Jinette: When we found you crawling up the steps of this church, half dead, it was clear to all of us that you had been sent to do God's work.
Van Helsing: Why can't he do it Himself?
Cardinal Jinette: Don't blaspheme! You already lost your memory as a penance for past sins. If you wish to recover it, I suggest you continue to heed the call.

[Van Helsing appears to free the Monster]
Frankenstein's Monster: What are you doing? You must find the cure!
Van Helsing: My friends are doing it for me.
Frankenstein's Monster: Friends...
Van Helsing: Yes. You want one?

Van Helsing: Bless me father for I have...
Cardinal Jinette: Sinned! Yes, I know. You're very good at it. You shattered the Rose Window.
Van Helsing: Well, not to split hairs, but it was Mr. Hyde who did the shattering.
Cardinal Jinette: Thirteenth century. Over six hundred years old! I wish you a week in hell for that.
Van Helsing: It would be a nice reprieve.
Cardinal Jinette: Don't get me wrong. Your results are unquestionable, but your methods attract far too much attention. Wanted posters. We are not pleased.
Van Helsing: Do you think I like being the most wanted man in Europe? Why don't you and the order do something about it?
Cardinal Jinette: Because we do not exist.
Van Helsing: Well then neither do I.
Cardinal Jinette: When we found you crawling up the steps of this church, half dead, it was clear to all of us that you had been sent to do God's work.
Van Helsing: Why can't He do it Himself?

Van Helsing: Now that I have your attention.

Anna Valerious: Some say you're a murderer, Mr. Van Helsing. Others say you're a holy man. Which is it?
Van Helsing: It's a bit of both, I think.

Van Helsing: That's why you're coming with me.
Carl: The hell be damned that I am.
Van Helsing: You cursed. Not very well, mind you, but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.
Carl: Actually, I'm still just a friar. I can curse all I want, dammit.

Van Helsing: You're a genius!
Carl: A genius with access to unstable chemicals!

Igor: Please, don't kill me!
Van Helsing: Why not?
Igor: Well, um... I... um... uh...

Carl: [about his invention] I know what it's for! I know what it's for!... Where are we going?
Van Helsing, Anna Valerious: Through that window!

Van Helsing: My life... my job... my curse... is to vanquish evil.

Van Helsing: This thing... man... whatever it is... evil may have created it, left its mark on it... but evil does not rule it. So I cannot kill it.

Carl: Are you always this popular?
Van Helsing: Pretty much.

Van Helsing: There's something down here, it's carnivorous. Whatever it is it appears to be... human. I'd say it's a size 17, about 360 pounds, 8 and a half to 9 feet tall and he has a bad gimp in his right leg and, ah, 3 copper teeth.
Anna Valerious: How do you know he has copper teeth?
Van Helsing: 'Cause he's standing right behind you.
Van Helsing: Move!

Carl: You've never gone after vampires before, have you?
Van Helsing: Vampires, gargoyles, warlocks, they're all the same - best when cooked well.

Van Helsing: The Cardinal has ordered you to keep me alive.
[he throws the bag back to Carl, then walks past him]
Van Helsing: For as long as possible.
Carl: But I'm not a field man! Van Helsing, I don't want to go to Transylvania!

Mr. Hyde: You're a big one. You'll be hard to digest.
Van Helsing: I'd hate to be such a nuisance.

Van Helsing: Dr. Jekyll, you're wanted by the Knights of the Holy Order...
Mr. Hyde: It's Mr. Hyde, now!
Van Helsing: for the murder of twelve men, six women, four...
Mr. Hyde: [laughing] Four children, three goats, and a rather nasty massacre of poultry!

Mr. Hyde: So, you're the great Van Helsing.
Van Helsing: And you're a deranged psychopath.
Mr. Hyde: We all have our little problems.

Van Helsing: Now, my superiors would like for me to take you alive, so that they might extricate your better half.
Mr. Hyde: [laughing] I'll bet they bloody would.
Van Helsing: Personally, I'd rather just kill you and call it a day. But let's make it your decision, shall we?
Mr. Hyde: [pretends to think] Hmm, do let's.
[attacks him]

Van Helsing: [to a captive Igor] If they even suspect you of misleading them...
[he demonstrates a wicked-looked set of pliers in front of Igor's face, then hands them to Anna]
Van Helsing: Clip off one of his fingers.
Anna Valerious: I'll clip off something.

Van Helsing: Carl, I need you to do something
Carl: I'm not gonna like this am I?

Van Helsing: To have memories of those you have loved and lost is perhaps harder than to have no memories at all.

Van Helsing: He's not your brother anymore, Anna!
Anna Valerious: You knew?
Van Helsing: Yes.
Anna Valerious: Before or after I stopped you from shooting him?
Van Helsing: Before.
Anna Valerious: And still you tried to kill him!
Van Helsing: He's a werewolf. He's going to kill people!
Anna Valerious: It's not his fault! He can't help it!
Van Helsing: I know, but he's going to do it anyway!

Anna Valerious: [after Van Helsing has killed the Werewolf] You killed him!
Van Helsing: Now you see why people call me a murderer.

Carl: So you can remember everything about your life from the last seven years, but nothing before that?
Van Helsing: Not now, Carl.
Carl: There must be something?
Van Helsing: [dead serious] I remember fighting the Romans at Masada.
Carl: That was in 73 A.D.
Van Helsing: You asked.

Van Helsing: You're going to take them and lead them to the antidote.
Igor: No, I'm not!
[Van Helsing grabs Igor with his werewolf strength and throws him violently against the wall]
Igor: Yes, I am.

Van Helsing: I have to pull the bolts off... this is going to hurt!
Frankenstein's Monster: I am accustomed to pain...
Van Helsing: It lets you know you're alive!

Van Helsing: I missed you in London.
Mr. Hyde: No, you bloody did not!
[shows Van Helsing a bullet wound]
Mr. Hyde: You got me good.

[approaching the entrance to Castle Dracula]
Carl: Do we have a plan? I mean, it doesn't have to be Wellington's at Waterloo, but some kind of plan would be nice.
Van Helsing: We're going to go in there and stop Dracula.
Anna Valerious: And kill anyone who gets in our way.
Carl: [quickly turns around] Well, you let me know how that goes...

Anna Valerious: You! Turn around. Let me see your faces.
Van Helsing: Why?
Anna Valerious: Because we don't trust strangers.

Anna Valerious: Show me your faces!
Van Helsing: Why?
Anna Valerious: Because we don't trust strangers.
Top Hat: Strangers don't last long here.

[Upon seeing a baby vampire for the first time]
Van Helsing: So this is what you get when vampires mate.

Van Helsing: How do you know me?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: So, would you like me to refresh your memory? A few details from you sordid past?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: [Van Helsing thrusts a crucifix at Dracula. Dracula shrieks and angrily swats it away, then calms down, smiling beatifically, as if nothing happened] Perhaps that is a conversation for another time. But before you go, let me reintroduce myself.
[bows majestically]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I am Count Vladislaus Dragulia. Born 1422. Murdered 1462.

Carl: What are we doing here? Why is it so important to kill this Dracula anyway?
Van Helsing: Because he's the son of the devil.
Carl: I mean besides that.
Van Helsing: Because if we kill him, anything bitten by him or created will also die.
Carl: I mean besides that.

Van Helsing: Next time, stay close, you're no good to me dead.

[Anna Valerious falls back into the a wall, out cold]
Van Helsing: [catches her in his arms before she falls to the floor] I'm sorry about that too.

Anna Valerious: What are these things?
Van Helsing: I think they're Dracula's children.
Anna Valerious: His children?
Van Helsing: A man, with three gorgeous women, for four hundred years?

Count Vladislaus Dracula: You're too late, my friend! My children live!
Van Helsing: Then the only way to kill them is to kill you.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Correct.
Van Helsing: So be it.

Van Helsing: Absinthe. Strong stuff.
[Anna takes a defiant swig and gives the bottle back to Van Helsing]
Anna Valerious: Don't let it touch your tongue... it'll knock straight on your aaaaaa...
[she gets cut off as the ground falls through]

Van Helsing: I have to pull the bolts off... this is going to hurt!
Frankenstein's Monster: I am accustomed to pain!
Van Helsing: It let's you know you're alive!

Carl: [while stocking Van Helsing's kit for the trip to Transylvania] I don't know. You could blind your enemies, char-broil a herd of chargind wildebeests - use your imagination.
Van Helsing: No, I'm going to use yours - you're coming with me.
Carl: Oh, to hell and be damned I am!
Van Helsing: Carl, you just cursed! Not well mind you but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.
Carl: Actually I'm just a friar so I can curse all I want... dammit!

Van Helsing: [Bangs on the canal gate feverishly while staying afloat; he looks on as the Frankenstein monster drifts away with the enemy] I must save him!
Carl: [Holding his head down] No, you can't.
Van Helsing: [Surprised] Why?
Carl: [Lamentingly] I cabled Rome earlier to apprise them of our situation.
Van Helsing: And what did they say?
Carl: [Speaks with sadness in his voice] Even if you somehow kill Dracula, Rome orders you to destroy Frankenstein as well.
Van Helsing: But he isn't evil!
Carl: Yes, but they say he isn't human either.
Van Helsing: Do they know him? Have they talked with him? Who are they to judge?
Carl: They want you to destroy him so he can never be used to harm humanity.
Van Helsing: And what of *me?* Did you tell them what *I'm* to become?
[Swiftly grabs hold of Carl's throat]
Van Helsing: Did they tell you how to *kill* me?
[He lifts him up with one arm, pinning him to the gate; the more he speaks, the tighter his grip gets around Carl's throat, while he struggles vainly to free himself]
Van Helsing: The correct *angle* of the stake as it enters my heart?
Anna Valerious: [Anna, terrified of his outburst tries to grab hold of Van Helsing to get him to release Carl] No! Stop!
Van Helsing: [His hand still tightening, his iris dilate and begin to glow an eerie, pale yellow as he yells] The exact measure of *silver* in each *bullet*? Huh?
Carl: [Croaks pitifully in Van Helsing's grip, and speaks pleadingly] No, I-I left you out!
Van Helsing: [Van Helsing's eyes look more and more savage. He grimaces and doubles over, releasing Carl from his grasp. Then he clutches himself, as a vicious roar bellows though his lips; he snarls and sneers while clenching his fists trying to fight away the curse. Anna and Carl look at him with both fear of and for him; as his eyes return to that of human, he realizes he has little time left and that he has hurt his best friend. He looks at Carl with regret] I'm sorry... It is starting...

Van Helsing: This thing... man... whatever it is... evil may have created it, left its mark on it... but evil does not rule it. So I cannot kill it.

Top Hat: [Standing in an upright coffin] Nice night.
[Van Helsing turns and aims his gun at Top Hat]
Top Hat: This is a bit tight for me. But for you? It is a perfect fit.
[Walks away]
Top Hat: I see the werewolf hasn't killed you yet.
Van Helsing: [Follows Top Hat] Don't worry, he's getting to it. Why are you here? Aren't you afraid?
Top Hat: Oh, I am no threat to him. I'm just the one who cleans up after him.
[starts digging in the graveyard]

Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)
Van Helsing: [examining Lucy's throat with a magnifying lens] Three tiny puncture Marks on her Throat...
Dr. Steward: Three?
Van Helsing: [breathes on and polishes the lens] Two. Two tiny Puncture marks on her throat.

Jonathan Harker: She's alive?
Van Helsing: She's Nosferatu.
Jonathan Harker: She's Italian?

Dr. Steward: Count Dracula, allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing of London University. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as theology and philosophy.
Van Helsing: And gynaecology.
Dr. Steward: Oh, I didn't know you had your hand in that, too.

Jonathan Harker: [having been told to drive a stake into Lucy] Oh, that's horrible. Is there no other way?
Van Helsing: One other. We could cut off her head, stuff her mouth with garlic and tear off her ears!
Jonathan Harker: [after a moment's thought] Give me the stake.
[pauses again]
Jonathan Harker: No. No, I can't do it... you do it!
Van Helsing: It must be done by one who loved her in life!
Jonathan Harker: I only liked her!
Van Helsing: Close enough!

[Jonathan had just impaled Lucy, and was hit by two rounds of blood]
Jonathan Harker: Oh! This is - this is ghastly!
Van Helsing: Yes, you're right. We should have put newspapers down!

[Johnathon drives a stake into Lucy's heart and is subsequently hit by many gallons of blood]
Jonathan Harker: Oh... my... GOD! There's so much blood!
Van Helsing: She just ate! Hit her again!
Jonathan Harker: Oh no... i can't...
Van Helsing: How much blood can she have left?
Van Helsing: [Jonathan hits the stake again and is hit with even more blood than last time]
Van Helsing: She's almost dead!
Jonathan Harker: She's dead enough.

Van Helsing: Count Dracula. Hmm, curious. Are you descended from Vlad Tepes? The first Dracula?
Dr. Steward: Tepes?
Van Helsing: Ya. It means 'The Impaler.' He was a blood-thirsty butchah. He inflicted unspeakable tortures on the peasants: cutting off their hands and feet, gouging out their eyes and then impaling them on iron spikes!
Dracula: They had it coming.

Jonathan Harker: Are you saying that Count Dracula is our vampire?
Van Helsing: Yes!... and no...
Jonathan Harker: Then what are you saying?
Van Helsing: I'm saying no. But I'm leeeeaning towards yes.
Dr. Steward: Then you're saying yes.
Van Helsing: No.
Dr. Steward: Then you're saying no.
Van Helsing: Not necessarily.
Jonathan Harker: You sound dubious.
Van Helsing: No -I'm positive!
Jonathan Harker: Of what?
Van Helsing: Of my theory!
Jonathan Harker: And that would be?
Van Helsing: The theory of Yes- or no.

Renfield: Are you saying that Count Dracula is our vampire?
Van Helsing: Yes!... and no...
Renfield: Then what are you saying?
Van Helsing: I'm saying no. But I'm leeeeaning towards yes.
Jonathan Harker: Then you're saying yes.
Van Helsing: No.
Jonathan Harker: Then you're saying no.
Van Helsing: Not necessarily.
Renfield: You sound dubious.
Van Helsing: No -I'm positive!
Renfield: Of what?
Van Helsing: Of my theory!
Renfield: And that would be?
Van Helsing: The theory of Yes- or no.

[after Van Helsing and Johnanthan have returned from driving a stake through Lucy's heart]
Dr. Steward: I don't understand it! he's covered in blood and there's not a drop on you!
Van Helsing: I have been to many stakings- you have to know where to stand! You know, everything in life is location, location, location...

Van Helsing: Why don't we have a look at the brain?
Woodbridge: [smiling] Mhm.
Van Helsing: First we crack open the skull, like so.
[bashes the corpse's head with a big hammer]
Van Helsing: Behold the naked human brain... Examine it!
[throws the brain to Woodbridge]
Woodbridge: [screams and faints]

Van Helsing: Where did her blood go? There's nothing on the pillow case, or her nightgown.
[to Dr. Steward]
Van Helsing: Can you explain zhat?
[looks at Jonathan]
Van Helsing: Can you explain zhat?
Dr. Steward: No, I can't explain zhat.
Jonathan Harker: I can't explain zhat, either.
Van Helsing: No one can explain zhat!

[last lines]
Van Helsing: Foushta!

Dracula (1992)
Van Helsing: We've all become God's madmen, all of us.

Van Helsing: She lives beyond the grace of God, a wanderer in the outer darkness. She is "vampyr", "nosferatu". These creatures do not die like the bee after the first sting, but instead grow strong and become immortal once infected by another nosferatu. So, my friends we fight not one beast but legions that go on age after age after age, feeding on the blood of the living.

Van Helsing: Jack. Come here. I know how deeply you loved her. That is why you must trust me and believe.
Doctor Jack Seward: Believe? How can I believe?
Van Helsing: I want you to bring me, before nightfall, a set of postmortem knives.
Doctor Jack Seward: An autopsy? On Lucy?
Van Helsing: No, no, no. Not exactly. I just want to cut off her head and take out her heart.

Van Helsing: Mr. Morris, your bullets will not harm him. He must be beheaded. I suggest you use your big Bowie knife.
Quincey P. Morris: Well, I wasn't plannin' on getting that close, Doc.

Professor Abraham Van Helsing: We are dealing with forces beyond all human experience, and enormous power. So guard her well. Otherwise, your precious Lucy will become a bitch of the Devil! A whore of darkness!
Quincey P. Morris: Well, you're a sick old buzzard!
Professor Abraham Van Helsing: Hear me out, young man. Lucy is not a random victim, attacked by mere accident, you understand? No. She is a willing recruit, a breathless follower, a wanton follower. I dare say, a devoted disciple. She is the Devil's concubine!

Mina Harker: How did Lucy die? Was she in great pain?
Professor Abraham Van Helsing: Yeah, she was in great pain! Then we cut off her head, and drove a stake through her heart, and burned it, and then she found peace.

Dracula: I, who served the Cross. I, who commanded nations, hundreds of years before you were born.
Professor Abraham Van Helsing: Your armies were defeated. You tortured and impaled thousands of people.
Dracula: I was betrayed. Look what your God has done to me!

Lord Arthur Holmwood: Forgive me, sir. My life is hers - I would give my last drop of blood to save her.
Van Helsing: The last drop? Thank you, you're very welcome here.

Van Helsing: Yet, we may still save her precious soul. But, not on an empty stomach! Jack!
Doctor Jack Seward: Yes, sir?
Van Helsing: Ah! I starve! Feed me!

Professor Abraham Van Helsing: Civilization, and syphilization, have advanced together.

Van Helsing: Do not let your eyes see or your ears hear that which you cannot account for.

Van Helsing: We have learned much. Dracula fears us. He fears time. For if he does not, why does he hurry so.

Van Helsing: [to Dr. Jack Seward] Jack, you are a scientist; do you not think there are things in this Universe that you cannot understand and which are true?

Count Dracula (1977) (TV)
Abraham Van Helsing: First, I must ask you, are you willing to believe what John Seward and myself have told you?
Quincey P. Holmwood: I'm sorry, Professor. I reckon I find it impossible.
Abraham Van Helsing: The wounds on the throat of that child; do they suggest nothing to you, concerning the death of Miss Lucy?
Quincey P. Holmwood: Are you saying that those small holes, in the child's throat, were made in the same way as Lucy's?
Abraham Van Helsing: Alas, no, I am not.
Quincey P. Holmwood: Well, what in Pete's name are you saying?
Abraham Van Helsing: They were made *by* Miss Lucy!
Quincey P. Holmwood: You're insane!
Abraham Van Helsing: She has already joined the ranks of the undead.
Quincey P. Holmwood: The... undead?
Abraham Van Helsing: The nosferatu. The walking dead. Those who cannot die. Who are cursed with immortality. Who must go on, age after age, adding new victims, multiplying the evils of the world!
Dr. John Seward: You see, Quincey, she became the prey of a vampire.
Abraham Van Helsing: She is now a vampire herself.
[gently, to Quincey]
Abraham Van Helsing: And now, I must tell you the terrible thing I propose to do.

Wilhelmina 'Mina' Westenra: I know you must fight. But it must not be a fight of hate. That poor soul whose brought about all this misery is the saddest one of all.
Jonathan Harker: Mina, how can you say such things? If I could send his soul to burning hell forever, I would do it.
Wilhelmina 'Mina' Westenra: Hush, Jonathan. You must be pitiful to him, just as some day you may have to be pitiful to me.
Wilhelmina 'Mina' Westenra: [pausing] Also, I believe the Count can, somehow, force me to tell him what I know, and be in league against you.
Jonathan Harker: I don't believe it.
Wilhelmina 'Mina' Westenra: No?
[tearfully, her small fangs showing]
Wilhelmina 'Mina' Westenra: Do you think that I don't look at myself in the mirror?
Jonathan Harker: Dearest, don't.
Abraham Van Helsing: Yes, yes, we must face facts, however unpleasant.
[to Dr. Seward]
Abraham Van Helsing: Tell me, how many boxes did you find at Burnhamtree?
Dr. John Seward: Eight.
Abraham Van Helsing: And at the Mile End?
Dr. John Seward: Four.
Abraham Van Helsing: And sanctified them all?
Dr. John Seward: Yes.
Abraham Van Helsing: One box left. Madam Mina, you are the wisest of us all. So tell us, where do you think the last box is?
Wilhelmina 'Mina' Westenra: There's only one place he'd feel *really* safe.

Abraham Van Helsing: Yes, I agree using garlic seems like nonsense, but I sense something evil and I must try everything to combat it. Evil will not disappear simply because we disapprove.
Dr. John Seward: But what is evil?
Abraham Van Helsing: I believe there is a monster in our midst. Who it is, or where it comes from, or what form it takes, I know not. But of one thing I am certain: we must find out. Even then, heaven knows if we are in time to stop it.

Dr. John Seward: [watches as Van Helsing is preparing to open Lucy's coffin] What are you doing?
Abraham Van Helsing: As you see.
Dr. John Seward: And then?
Abraham Van Helsing: Cut off her head
Dr. John Seward: [aghast] What? Mutilate her body? Why...? Why, it's... It's monstrous.
Abraham Van Helsing: Friend John, I know you loved her. But there are certain things of which you have little knowledge. I do nothing without good cause. Come.
[lifts up lid to reveal an empty coffin]
Dr. John Seward: [shocked] The body's not there.
Abraham Van Helsing: [not surprised at all] That is good logic as far as it goes. Come.
[replaces lid and fastens it back down]
Abraham Van Helsing: Now, I will tell you what I believe. And then, we must speak with Quincey.

Wilhelmina 'Mina' Westenra: Yes. Yes. You are safe here.
Abraham Van Helsing: It is for you I fear.
Wilhelmina 'Mina' Westenra: For me? None safer from them than me. I too am their sister!

Abraham Van Helsing: My books tell me that he was an extraordinary man. A soldier, a cunning statesman - no branch of study was too difficult for him. And the power of his brain has survived his death.
[Says a prayer over the coffin as he drops the holy wafer in]
Abraham Van Helsing: But, he shall not escape. We shall corner him, and we shall drive the stake through his heart.
Jonathan Harker: Pray God that I may do the deed.
Abraham Van Helsing: God will act in His own way, and in His own time.

Count Dracula: I am bound to this earth, I make it my domain. You will die, in your miserable allotted span. I have centuries before me.
Jonathan Harker: Why in God's name did you ever leave your castle?
Count Dracula: We must recruit disciples - just as your leader has done.
Abraham Van Helsing: You shall not capture anymore souls.
Count Dracula: Souls?
[laughs scornfully]
Count Dracula: There is no blood to drink from souls - - if there be such things.
Abraham Van Helsing: We are pledged to rid the world of you.
Count Dracula: It will not be easy. I do not die like the bee when I string once - - I become stronger.

Abraham Van Helsing: It is over. She is dead.
Quincey P. Holmwood: Oh God!
Quincey P. Holmwood: Why, why?
Dr. John Seward: Quincey!
Abraham Van Helsing: Come, come, Quincey, look at her. Now look at her well.
Dr. John Seward: She doesn't look sick anymore.
Abraham Van Helsing: God is merciful.
Dr. John Seward: She's at peace. It is the end.
Abraham Van Helsing: Not so, alas, - it is only the beginning.

Abraham Van Helsing: The hour has come, Madame Mina - are you afraid?
Wilhelmina 'Mina' Westenra: No, of course not. I'm in your hands.
Abraham Van Helsing: We are both of us in God's hands.

[last lines]
Abraham Van Helsing: Thank you God, for protecting us, and for all Your mercies - and for choosing us to be Your instruments for good.

Abraham Van Helsing: We guard ourselves from your touch.
Count Dracula: Using a cross as a talisman. A symbol of torture, and of humiliation.
Abraham Van Helsing: A symbol of trial, and trouble... by which our Christian Faith is tested.

Dracula (1931)
Count Dracula: Van Helsing.
[Van Helsing turns to face Count Dracula]
Count Dracula: Now that you have learned what you have learned, it would be well for you to return to your own country.
Van Helsing: I prefer to remain and protect those whom you would destroy.
Count Dracula: You are too late. My blood now flows through her veins. She will live through the centuries to come, as I have lived.
Van Helsing: Should you escape us, Dracula. We know how to save Miss Mina's soul if not her life.
Count Dracula: If she dies by day. But I shall see that she dies by night.
Van Helsing: And I will have Carfax Abbey torn down, stone by stone, excavated a mile around. I will find your earth-box and drive that stake through your heart.
Count Dracula: Come here.
[Dracula raises his hand to hypnotise Van Helsing]
Count Dracula: Come here.
[Van Helsing takes three hypnotised steps towards Dracula but soon steps back, resisting Dracula's hypnotic power over him]
Count Dracula: Your will is strong, Van Helsing.
[Van Helsing reaches out for his crucifix as Dracula looms toward him]
Count Dracula: More wolfbane?
Van Helsing: More effective than wolfbane, Count.
Count Dracula: Indeed.
[Dracula lunges towards Van Helsing. Van Helsing holds up the crucifix. Dracula snarls and turns away. Van Helsing, in triumph, puts away the crucifix]

Van Helsing: Gentlemen, we are dealing with the undead.
Scholar: Nosferatu
Van Helsing: Yes, Nosferatu.

Van Helsing: You'll die in torment if you die with innocent blood on your soul.
Renfield: God will not damn a poor lunatic's soul. He knows that the powers of evil are too great for those with weak minds.

Van Helsing: The strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him.

Renfield, Van Helsing: Mr. Harker, I have devoted my lifetime to the study of many strange things. Little-known facts which the world is, perhaps, better off for not knowing.
John Harker: I know. But Professor, all I want is to get Mina away from all of this.
Van Helsing: That will do no good. Our only chance of saving Miss Mina's life is to find the hiding place of Dracula's living corpse and to drive a stake through its heart.
Renfield: Isn't this a strange conversation for men who aren't crazy?

Count Dracula: [tries to hypnotize Van Helsing and fails] Your will is strong.
[tries to attack]
Van Helsing: [takes out a crucifix without fear] Indeed.

Renfield: He came and stood below my window in the moonlight. And he promised me things, not in words, but by doing them.
Van Helsing: Doing them?
Renfield: By making them happen. A red mist spread over the lawn, coming on like a flame of fire! And then he parted it, and I could see that there were thousands of rats, with their eyes blazing red,l ike his, only smaller. Then he held up his hand, and they all stopped, and I thought he seemed to be saying: "Rats! Rats! Rats! Thousands! Millions of them! All red-blood! All these will I give you! If you will obey me!"
Van Helsing: What did he want you to do?
Renfield: That which has already been done!
[giggles sinisterly]

Van Helsing: What have you to do with Dracula?
Renfield: DRACULA?... I never even heard the name before

Doctor Seward: But, Professor Van Helsing, modern medical science does not admit of such a creature! The vampire is a pure myth, superstition.
Van Helsing: I may be able to bring you proof that the superstition of yesterday can become the scientific reality of today.

Van Helsing: [Holding a box] A moment ago, I stumbled upon a most amazing phenomena. Something so incredible, I mistrust my own judgement. Look.
[Van Helsing opens the box to reveal a mirror. Dracula smacks it out of his hand]

Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972)
Professor Van Helsing: There is evil in the world. There are dark, awful things. Occasionally, we get a glimpse of them. But there are dark corners; horrors almost impossible to imagine... even in our worst nightmares.

Professor Van Helsing: [spelling Johnny Alucard's surname backwards] A disciple of Dracula. Oh my God!

Professor Van Helsing: There is a Satan.
Inspector: Of course. Otherwise we wouldn't need a police force, would we?

Jessica Van Helsing: I wish someone would tell me what all this is about.
Professor Van Helsing: Murder, Jessica. That's what all this is about. Ghastly, horrible, obscene murder!

Professor Van Helsing: A treatise on the black mass? What do you want with this?
Jessica Van Helsing: Oh, just a quiet bit of mind blowing.
Professor Van Helsing: Jessica, this is not a subject to mess around with. These are scientific works.
Jessica Van Helsing: You can buy that sort of stuff in almost any shady bookshop in Soho. I think it's all kinky.
Professor Van Helsing: What's that?
Jessica Van Helsing: Weird, man. Way out. I mean, spooks, hobgoblins, black magic. All that jazz.

Professor Van Helsing: Do old ideas rest comfortably in an open mind...?

Professor Van Helsing: Count Dracula Look on me Dracula look on me and remember
[flashback to 1872 when Dracula was destroyed the first time]
Count Dracula: You dare to play your brain against mine one who has commanded nations.

Professor Van Helsing: You see.
Inspector: No, Professor Van Helsing, I don't see. I'm just a plain run-of-the-mill copper.

Horror of Dracula (1958)
Arthur: [Chasing Dracula] even if he gets away.
Doctor Van Helsing: [shouts loudly] He would hide in the castle vaults for years! We would lose him there!
Arthur: And Mina.

Doctor Van Helsing: Since the death of Jonathan Harker Count Dracula the propagator of this unspeakable evil has disappeared. He must be found and destroyed!

Arthur: [Van Helsing prepares to stake Lucy] Is there no other way? It's horrible.
Doctor Van Helsing: Please try and understand this is not Lucy the sister you loved. It's only a shell possessed and corrupted by the evil of Dracula. To liberate her soul and give her peace we must destroy that shell for all time. Believe me there is no other way.

Doctor Van Helsing: [puts his coat on Tania] There, you look like a teddy bear. You won't run away will you?
Tania: No, I promise.
Doctor Van Helsing: [points east] If you look over there you can see the sun coming up.

Arthur: [talking to to Van Helsing] Rest, have yourself some wine, I'm sure you could use both. Gerda, would you fetch another bottle.
Gerda: I don't like to. You know what happened last time I disobeyed Mrs. Holmwood's orders.
Arthur: What do you mean?
Gerda: Madam told the other day that on no account I was to go into the cellar.
Doctor Van Helsing: [Van Helsing realizes that's where Dracula was hiding he goes to the cellar finds his coffin and Dracula who locks him in] Holmwood! Holmwood!

Doctor Van Helsing: What are you afraid of?
Landlord: I don't understand you.
Doctor Van Helsing: Why all these garlic flowers? And over the window? And up here? They're not for decoration, are they?

Doctor Van Helsing: If the investigation that Mr. Harker and I are engaged upon is successful, not only you, but the only whole will benefit. Castle Dracula is somewhere here in Klausenberg. Will you tell me how I get there?
Landlord: You ordered a meal, sir. As an innkeeper, it is my duty to serve you. When you've eaten, I ask you to go and leave us in peace.

Doctor Van Helsing: I'm sorry, Mr. Holmwood, but I really cannot tell you anything more about how he died.
Arthur: Cannot or will not?
Doctor Van Helsing: Whichever you wish.

Van Helsing (2004) (VG)
Dracula: We were brothers you and I. In the Holy Order. Until you betrayed me.
Van Helsing: If what you say is true, why? Why would I betray you?
Dracula: Why would any man betray his best friend? Jealousy? Ambition? Love?
Van Helsing: Love?
Dracula: One day, you will be cursed by love as I have and all your hopes to ressurect it will become feeble mockeries of what you once knew!

Van Helsing: Velkan.
Velkan: You have done me a great service. You have freed me from my suffering. That path leads to the hunchback. Wait, there is one more thing
[he bites Van Helsing]

Igor: Thought you'd seen the last of me did you?
Van Helsing: On the contrary I've been rather looking forward to this.
Igor: You are too kind my friend. Everyone wishes they'd seen the last of me. Take the Valerious for example. Like you, they show me far too little respect.
Van Helsing: Oh come, it's not that I don't respect you Igor. I just don't like you.

[first lines]
Hyde: Bonjour monsieur. Welcome to Paris.
Van Helsing: Show yourself, Doctor Jekyll.
Hyde: That memory of yours is getting worse Van Helsing. The name is Hyde, remember?

Dracula: I will give you all your memories back!
Van Helsing: Some things are better off left forgotten.

Van Helsing: Unhand the lady!
Marishka: I assure you, there is nothing ladylike about her.
Aleera: Welcome to Vaseria. So nice to see you again.
Van Helsing: Again? You know me?
Verona: You are not easily forgotten.
Marishka: He will be when joins the princess in death!

Nadja (1994)
Dr. Van Helsing: Face it, Jim. She's a zombie.

Dr. Van Helsing: Blood is like chewing gum to these creatures!

[Dr. Van Helsing is translating for Edgar]
Edgar: [speaks in Romanian]
Dr. Van Helsing: Her powers are fading; there's only so much she can do here and now.
Edgar: [speaks in Romanian]
Dr. Van Helsing: She's lost a lot of blood.
Edgar: [speaks in Romanian]
Dr. Van Helsing: Replenishing it means going back to her native soil.
Edgar: [speaks in Romanian]
Dr. Van Helsing: Her native soil is soaked with blood.
Edgar: [speaks in Romanian]
Dr. Van Helsing: She's on her way back now.
Edgar: [speaks in Romanian]
Dr. Van Helsing: She's in an airplane.
Edgar: [speaks in Romanian]
Dr. Van Helsing: Dying.
Edgar: [speaks in Romanian]
Dr. Van Helsing: For a cigarette.

Dr. Van Helsing: Some women understand extremes. They understand how to push things to extremes. Life and death. The moon, tide, eternal flow... women understand that kind of stuff. It's in their blood. Once a month, their bodies let them know that... nature's one continuous disaster.

Dr. Van Helsing: [putting on dark glasses] What do you see?
Jim: What do you mean?
Dr. Van Helsing: In the glasses, in the glasses, what do you see?
Jim: Lucy.
Dr. Van Helsing: Good. Good, yes, okay. This means she's still with us. She's an apprentice in the realm of shadows. There's hope. But you mustn't flinch from what we have to do.

Saturday the 14th (1981)
Van Helsing: Some vampires will believe anything.

Van Helsing: In one minute, terrible things are going to happen! (A scream is heard off-camera.) Um, less than a minute?

Van Helsing: When I get that book, I will rule the world! Think of it - famine! War! Death!

Van Helsing: Selling the house now would be like closing the barn door after the horses eat your children.

Party Guest: What do we get if we win?
Van Helsing: You get to keep the boy!

Dracula 2000 (2000)
Simon Sheppard: What just happened in there?
Abraham Van Helsing: I told you to kill her! They can be killed by silver, by sunlight or by stakes. You must pierce their heart or behead them. They are nosferatu, vampires.
Simon Sheppard: And you knew this? And-and-and you're all right with this?
Abraham Van Helsing: I had them destroyed, eradicated. All but one: my secret in the abbey. He is what they stole.
Simon Sheppard: Who?
Abraham Van Helsing: Dracula. Dracula: not myth, nor ravings of a mad Irish novelist, oh no. He's real, I assure you.
Simon Sheppard: This is the fucking Twilight Zone!

Abraham Van Helsing: If anything down here moves, shoot it. You understand? Shoot it in the heart or cut off its head. You understand? They are the undead.
Simon Sheppard: The undead... UNDEAD!

Simon Sheppard: [Translating Slavic text on a crossbow] "All fear he who walks beneath the crown of Eternal Night."
Abraham Van Helsing: No, no, no, no, it's not crown, it's halo; beneath the Halo of Eternal Night
Simon Sheppard: Oh, well, you see why the design never survived. And look how heavy it is compared to what they were using in England at the time.
Abraham Van Helsing: [talking about the crossbow in his hands] Ah, while the English made them for firing arrow shafts of wood, this was made for firing metal... silver.

Abraham Van Helsing: [about Dracula] He is, quite simply, beyond the reach of death.

Abraham Van Helsing: You-you can't have her... ever!
Dracula: Can't I?
Abraham Van Helsing: If you harm my daughter, I swear to the Lord Christ...
Dracula: Shh! He doesn't care. In that you can trust. You stole life from my blood and past it to another. She's my Mary now.
Abraham Van Helsing: No. Never! You want revenge? Take it! Right here, right now!
Dracula: You know not the depths of my vengeance.

The Cannonball Run (1981)
[finding the men's room locked, Van Helsing follows Pamela into the women's room]
Pamela Glover: Wait a minute, you can't come in here.
Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: Madam, not to be indelicate but in my profession; if you've seen one, you've see them all.
Pamela Glover: Oh, okay.

Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: I'm Nikolas Van Helsing, professor of proctology and other related tendencies. A graduate of the University of Rangoon. And assorted night classes at the Knoxville Tennessee school of faith healing.
J.J. McClure: You may be a little over qualified for this job.

[At the Portofino Inn, Victor, in his Captain Chaos persona, saves a woman's dog from drowning in the bay and is hailed a hero, but J.J. is furious, as his selfless act cost him and J.J. the championship win]
Victor Prinsi: [as Captain Chaos] J.J., I've saved that woman's dog.
J.J. McClure: [furious] Victor... we could've won that race. Do ya understand what I'm telling you? We could've won it!
Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: You understand that? You had to go and pull that stupid stunt.
Pamela Glover: He's right, Victor.
J.J. McClure: We are sick of Captain Chaos. We are so sick of Captain Chaos that we could throw up. So you know what, Victor? There's not gonna be anymore Captain Chaos.
[grabs and rip off the mask from Victor's head; yells]
J.J. McClure: NO MORE! Ya see what I'm telling you? NO MORE!
[snatches Victor cape and slams it on the ground]
J.J. McClure: No more Captain Chaos EVER! Now what do ya think of that?
[crowd laughs as Victor seemingly feels broken-hearten over J.J. act of poor sportsmanship]
Victor Prinsi: I don't care, because...
[changes into a new superhero persona with a American flag-like mask and cape]
Victor Prinsi: I've always wanted be... Captain USA! Da-Da-DUM!
[J.J. and the racer laughs]
Victor Prinsi: It's a dirty job, but somebody go to do it.

[the racers, all neck and neck, are approaching the finish line, with Mad Dog and Batman in the lead]
Mad Dog: We got 'em.
Batman: We got 'em!
[Suddenly a car come in the way, forcing Mad Dog & Batman's GMC truck to do a 180 stop. Bradford and Shakey's motorcycle slips and skids]
J.J. McClure: [screams] LOOK OUT!
[J.J. and Victor's ambulance van and all the other cars come to screeching halt]
J.J. McClure: [yells] Okay, it's a foot race!
Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: I've got the card.
J.J. McClure: No, gimmie that, Doc! Come on, it's a foot race!
[All the racers storm out and begin running to the finish line to see who can be the first to punch at the clock and win the race]
Victor Prinsi: Have no fear! Chaos is here! DA-DA-DUM!
J.J. McClure: [hands Victor the time card] Take it and win, Captain!
Pamela Glover: Come on, Chaos! You can do it!
[as Victor and Marcie sprints, J.J. jumps on the other racers, tackling them down]
Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: Does anyone need medical attention?

Dracula (1979)
Count Dracula: You are a wise man, Professor, for someone who has not yet lived even a single lifetime.
Prof. Abraham Van Helsing: You flatter me, Count.
Count Dracula: But not wise enough to return to your native Holland, immediately.
Prof. Abraham Van Helsing: I prefer to remain.

[talking about Dracula]
Lucy Seward: You dare try to confuse me! Tormenting him who is the saddest, the kindest of all!"
Prof. Abraham Van Helsing: Kind? If I could send his soul to everlasting, burning hell I would!

Prof. Abraham Van Helsing: [looking at himself in a mirror] Ach, the devil.
Count Dracula: Come now, professor... not as bad as that.

Dracula 3000 (2004)
Capt. Abraham Van Helsing: For a computer, you sure are bitchy.
Aurora Ash: It's all in the programming, baby.

Capt. Abraham Van Helsing: He's after Aurora, he wants to kill her!
Arthur "The Professor" Holmwood: But I believe he said he wants to tittie fuck her first.

Die Hard Dracula (1998)
Doctor Van Helsing: I shot him right in the heart. My only guess is that his heart must be loose inside him, floating around in there.

Doctor Van Helsing: I declare war... on you Dracula... and all other vampires!

"Penny Dreadful: Demimonde (#1.4)" (2014)
[Victor Frankenstein works on the vampire blood alongside Professor Van Helsing]
Professor Abraham Van Helsing: You have steady hands. Oh, to be young again.
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: You have the steadiest hands I've ever seen, Professor Van Helsing.
Professor Abraham Van Helsing: A steady heart, perhaps.

[Professor Van Helsing tells Victor Frankenstein that the vampire blood does not coagulate]
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: Nature does not create such rare occurrences with no purpose.
Professor Abraham Van Helsing: Well, if one had to give a purpose to it, it would assist with Hematophagy. The eating of blood.

The Brides of Dracula (1960)
Baroness Meinster: Who is it that is not afraid?
Dr. J. Van Helsing: Only God has no fear.
Baroness Meinster: Why have you come here?
Dr. J. Van Helsing: To find your son.
Baroness Meinster: Then you know who I am?
Dr. J. Van Helsing: I know who you were.

Van Helsing: The London Assignment (2004) (V)
Gabriel Van Helsing: [adjusting the last touches on Carl as he is dressed as a woman to be bait for Mr.Hyde] Could you stop squirming?
Carl: If you had bougth me the proper sized corset I wouldn't have to squirm!
Gabriel Van Helsing: There. A vision of loveliness.
Carl: I told the cardinal when he got your cable, I am not a field man!
Gabriel Van Helsing: There isn't much danger of you being mistaken as any kind of man, Carl!

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)
Prof. Lorrimer Van Helsing: [Urbanely to D.D. Denham, to hide that he is onto something] What are you going to do with me? You can't let me go, can you? I know too much. Do you mind if I smoke? It's a bad habit, I know, but it helps me to concentrate.

Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Warden: The patient that came in yesterday is having a fit.
Van Helsing: Which one?
Warden: The one that bit the cow.

Transylvania Twist (1989)
Victor Von Helsing: And it is a commonly held misconception that the undead can transform themselves into bats. Pure nonsense. True, they can change into frogs, flounders, aardvarks, pelicans, baboons and warthogs but never bats.

"Young Dracula: Sweet Sixteen (#2.10)" (2008)
Van Helsing, Jonathan: [chanting] Sure as boy scouts sing round campfires, there are no such things as vampires. Drinking blood, the living dead. It's not for real, it's in our head.

Vamps (2012)
Dr. Van Helsing: Madam, you've insultingly confused us with the police. I'm from Time Warner, and if you ever want to see Jon Stewart again you'll open this door.

Vampirella (1996) (V)
Vlad: This is rather sad in a way. In another reality I could have called you friend.
Adam Van Helsing: In any reality I call you scum!

"Young Dracula: Episode #1.5" (2006)
Van Helsing: Ingrid must've hypnotised you again. It's a basic vampire skill.
Jonathan: She's not a vampire. She's manipulative. It's a basic teenage skill.

Dracula's Daughter (1936)
Hawkins: [comes out of Dracula's castle] Some man is in there with a stake through his heart.
Albert: Scary.
Hawkins: [looks at Van Helsing] You know anything about this?
Prof. Von Helsing: Yes, I did it.
Hawkins: Who is he in there?
Prof. Von Helsing: His name's Count Dracula.
Hawkins: How long has he been dead?
Prof. Von Helsing: About 500 years.

Dracula: The Musical (2010) (V)
Jonathan Harker: No!
Vampire Sister: So we meet again.
Vampire Sister: And you brought your cute friends!
Abraham van Helsing: Be gone cretures of Satan!
Vampire Sister: Come, come to us. We'll give you things you only dreamed of.
Arthur Holmwood: Yes, I will come...
Vampire Sister: Have you ever given yourself to a woman?

Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat (1989)
Robert Van Helsing: Once a bloodsucker, always a bloodsucker.