Matt Stifler
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Quotes for
Matt Stifler (Character)
from Band Camp (2005) (V)

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Band Camp (2005) (V)
Matt Stifler: Bite my nuts and call me Skippy.

Matt Stifler: What the fuck!
Brandon's friend 1: Are you a rookie, you look lost?
Matt Stifler: Are you an asshole, you're hairy and you smell like shit!

Elyse: Do you know what you just did?
Matt Stifler: Doesn't matter. Fucker's going down!

Elyse: Are you okay?
Matt Stifler: Oh, yeah.
Elyse: I'm so drunk right now... I'm probably gonna forget about you... porkin' an oboe!

Matt Stifler: I'll have you giving Chloe the pelvic noogie inside a week.

Ernie Kaplowitz: Are you really Scottish?
Matt Stifler: Fuck no! My mom made me learn an instrument; that's the most annoying one I could think of.

Brandon Vandecamp: I see you 're not wearing you beanie, Stifler.
Matt Stifler: Well, how about I take his beanie...
[takes off Ernie's beanie]
Matt Stifler: ...and put it on my weenie?

Matt Stifler: How's that taste, Vande-cock? Mmmm... good, huh? Warm and salty? Yeah, it's a CUM-pletely new formula! 100% Stiffy Juice! SPF 69!

Oscar: Let's go Horndog. That's is nickname. Dude will stick his dick in anything, it's unnatural.
Jimmy: This one time in Band Camp, I fucked an oboe.
Matt Stifler: WHAT?
Jimmy: Blowing it for a while. Get that wood nice and warm. Slap on some valve oil, and GO TO TOWN yo!

Ernie Kaplowitz: I really want to work for NASA.
Matt Stifler: National Anal Sex Association?
Ernie Kaplowitz: No it's Space Assoc... There's an Anal Sex Association?
Matt Stifler: Oh, yeah, but you've got to be a pro. Wait, there's a Space Association?

Brandon Vandecamp: You're going down.
Matt Stifler: No, I'm not. But your mom did last night. Did she play the trumpet? 'Cause she has really strong lips.

Ernie Kaplowitz: Get her drunk? That's the secret of the ages, that's step number two?
Matt Stifler: No, actually it's step four - but you don't have the balls for two, or the tongue for three!

American Pie 2 (2001)
Stifler's brother: STEVE. Those are my lesbians.

[over the radio]
Stifler's brother: Steve the copwatch thing is horse shit. Man this sucks.
Danielle: Who is it out there?
Stifler's brother: It's the Stifmeister baby.
Amber: Is that so?

Jim: What are you doing here?
Stifler's Brother: Pussy man, I'm here for the pussy.
Jim: Take a number.