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: You are so sweet. He *is* special. Michelle
: He's my bitch.
: Holy Potatoes.
: Was I any good that night? Michelle
: Jeez how could I forget? You sucked. You didn't know what the hell you were doing. But wasn't it fun even though you were so terrible? Jim
: I'm sorry, "terrible?" Michelle
: I've had worse. Jim
: Oh. Michelle
: Oh, sorry. I just... ah... I could give you some pointers. If you want.
: Now don't freak out I'm gonna do something to push your threshold. Jim
: Ow that's cold. What is that? Michelle
: I just shoved a trumpet in your ass. Aren't instruments fun?
: Okay, pretend I'm a hot girl. Now what do you want to do? Jim
: I want to feel your boobs. Michelle
: No, you dingbat. You don't just go groping away. You gotta pre-heat the oven before you stick in the turkey.
[Jim is kissing Michelle's collar bone
: Good Jim. Ooh, you're making me wet. Jim
: Holy shit, really? Michelle
: No, I was just saying that so you could practice. Jim
: This is good. This is good. Obviously. Michelle
: Oh. Gilligan's Island, Mr. Howell. Jim
: Eh, what? Michelle
: You've gotta control yourself and think of something non-sexual. I haven't even touched you yet and you're turning into the Sears Tower.
: This one time... um, here.
: [from a deleted scene
] Its just like this one time at band camp. Jim
: Ah, Michelle I've been to band camp, it's not all what its cracked up to be.
: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"? Michelle
: I don't know. I just call it "boning". Jim's Dad
: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel? Michelle
: Horny, like I wanna bone. Jim's Dad
: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear. Michelle
: Oh, you've never tried it? Jim's Dad
: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.
: How did a little perv like you, turn into such a great guy? Jim
: How did a little nympho like you, turn into such a great girl? Michelle
: I'm still a nympho. Jim
: Well, I'm still a perv.
: Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls.
: So Finch, what will you do with your fancy NYU diploma? Paul Finch
: I'll frame it. Then I'll write my memoirs.
: Wow, Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. It's like, monkeys learning to use tools for the first time.
[Jim and Michelle are discussing Stifler
: Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence. Jim
: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think. Michelle
: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.
: Hmm... horny, like I wanna bone!
: Michelle, I'm going to ask you something I've never asked before. Michelle
] Is it kinky?
: Pretty creepy, isn't it? You know, they say that the souls of the people that died here apparently still haunt the house. Michelle
: You know, they also say that people who believe in ghost should be on Prozac. Kyle
: I'm sorry, Michelle, I wasn't listening, I was looking at your breasts.
: How hard can it be to find a goddamn crematorium? It's on the map, isn't it? Desmond
: I'll get us there. Michelle
: You mean if the house doesn't get us first.
: [Michelle is at Dr. Hammer's book signing
] So, what's a girl gotta do to get your autograph?
[Cut to Michelle and Dr. Hammer having sex in his office
: [Kyle walks in on Michelle and Dr. Hammer having sex
] Dude! Can you knock? Kyle
: Someone's working 'hard' on their Ph.D. Michelle
: Fuck you, Kyle!
: Get off my husband you little piece of shit!
: Everytime I wanna shop online and I start typing Amazon, amazingcollegesluts.com pops up.
: Hey, remember that one time at band camp, when we licked whipped cream off each other's p... Selena
: [Interrupts Michelle
] Yes, yes. I remember.
: Stifler's having a party tonight. OK, I know that doesn't sound romantic or anything, but remember our first time was at a Stifler party. You made me your bitch. Michelle
: Yes. Yes I did.
: What's my name? Say my name, bitch! Jim
: Michelle! Michelle.
: This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.