Turk Malloy
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Quotes for
Turk Malloy (Character)
from Ocean's Eleven (2001)

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Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Turk Malloy: It's ridiculous, I mean this is a moral issue we're dealing with here. Not to mention we don't have a grease man anymore, because he's in a bag somewhere. We don't know.
Virgil Malloy: We got a bag man.
Turk Malloy: Such an ape, an animal, with no feelings you are.
Virgil Malloy: I have feelings.
Turk Malloy: No, you don't.
Virgil Malloy: Look, yeah, I do I feel bad for the guy. He's a human being in a piece of luggage, but you got water, he's got air. What did you want them to do?
Turk Malloy: Oh my God they should have gotten off the bus, get off the bus and pick up the bag with our friend in it.
Virgil Malloy: Get off the bus, they were trying to be inconspicuous. How many soccer teams do you know that are fielding 50 year-old men?
Danny Ocean: Rusty's not 50 years old.
Turk Malloy: Yeah, dude, we know Rusty's not 50.

[on the Night Fox]
Turk Malloy: Come on, he's one guy, and he's French.

Linus Caldwell: Um, all right, let's go over the list again. Ah, Swinging Priest?
Basher Tarr: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Crazy Larry?
Turk Malloy: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Soft shoulder?
Basher Tarr: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Baker's dozen?
Basher Tarr: No woman
[pause]
Basher Tarr: and not enough people.
Turk Malloy: Hell in a Handbasket?
Linus Caldwell: [sigh] We can't train a cat that quickly
[pause]
Linus Caldwell: and...
Linus Caldwell, Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy: Not enough people.

Linus Caldwell: So we do a Lookie-Loo... it's actually a Lookie-Loo with a Bundle of Joy!
Basher Tarr: A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?
Linus Caldwell: Yeah!
Basher Tarr: You've gone right out of your tree, my son.
[looking at Turk]
Basher Tarr: He's mad. It's madness.
Turk Malloy: Yeah, it's crazy. It's Italian television crazy, and, we're still one short.
Linus Caldwell: No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well that's a trifecta!
Basher Tarr: You might be right. Make the call.

Turk Malloy: [to Linus] Who died and made you Danny?

Reuben Tishkoff: [banging on the bathroom door] Frank come on let me in.
Turk Malloy: How do you think it feels when you're sitting down on the toilet and someone's banging on the door?
Reuben Tishkoff: Well, I gotta sit down on the toilet or else I'm gonna shit on your feet.

Linus Caldwell: [Linus is trying to convince everyone that Danny was actually the leader of "The Benedict Job"] Well, if any of you had a problem, who did you go to?
Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy, Virgil Malloy, Reuben Tishkoff, Livingston Dell, Yen, Frank Catton: [simultaneously] Rusty.
Danny Ocean: Thanks, Linus.

Turk Malloy: I'll give you a million dollars if you don't speak for a month.
Virgil Malloy: I wanna eat your whole head.

Danny Ocean: How much is everyone short?
Turk Malloy: 14.
Virgil Malloy: You're kidding me! You spent all but 5 million?
Turk Malloy: Yes! Are you going to start on me with that too? You don't know what it's like starting something from scratch!
Virgil Malloy: Well, with interest, I'm short 7.
Frank Catton: Eight.
Linus Caldwell: Well, I spent a million on talent development, so I guess that leaves me at 7. Boy, that interest just kills you, man!
Basher Tarr: I'm light 9.
Livingston Dell: What's the interest?
Reuben Tishkoff: 6.
Livingston Dell: Then I owe 6.
Turk Malloy: What?
Livingston Dell: I've been living with my parents.
Rusty Ryan: I owe 25.
[everyone looks at him, he chuckles wryly]
Rusty Ryan: Hotels, man.

Reuben Tishkoff: I can handle Saul's share.
Danny Ocean: You don't have to do that.
Reuben Tishkoff: Who would I talk to if you're all dead?
Danny Ocean: That's a good point. Alright, I owe 10. Amazing?
Yen: [speaks in Mandarin]
Rusty Ryan: [chuckles] Yeah, but it's a nice place.
Livingston Dell: So that comes to?
Reuben Tishkoff: 97, give or take.
Rusty Ryan: He didn't find us on his own. Someone helped him.
Reuben Tishkoff: Another thief.
Linus Caldwell: Well, there's no-one we'd know that would violate rule number one.
Danny Ocean: What we do know is we need a job. We need a high paying job.
Linus Caldwell: Well, now we're too hot to be working anywhere in this country.
Danny Ocean: So we go abroad. How 'bout we go to...
Rusty Ryan: [cuts in] We're on the 5:00.
Danny Ocean: Good. We're we going?
Rusty Ryan: Amsterdam.
Danny Ocean: Amsterdam, it is. Clock's running guys. Let's go.
Linus Caldwell: I've never been to Amsterdam.
Turk Malloy: I hear German girls are really hot.


Ocean's Thirteen (2007)
Turk Malloy: [referring to Willy Bank while standing around Reuben's hospital bed] I don't care if it gets messy.
Virgil Malloy: I'll drive you. We'll get him leaving his barber.
Livingston Dell: And I'll inject him.
Basher Tarr: And I'll find a spot to get rid of the body.
Rusty Ryan: All valid ideas. Great initiative. But...
Danny Ocean: But...

Turk Malloy: [referring to hacking into Banks' computer system] Are you in yet?
Virgil Malloy: [knowing he was referring to that line spoken during sexual intercourse] I hate that question.

Turk Malloy: Don't change the facial structure.
Virgil Malloy: I'm making you taller. Don't you want to be taller? You're a midget in 34 states.
Turk Malloy: Yeah, well, I'm an animal in the other 34.
Virgil Malloy: [turns and stares at Turk]
Turk Malloy: 24. 22.

Rusty Ryan: Turn the machine off guys.
Turk Malloy: It is off.
Rusty Ryan: Are you kidding?
Turk Malloy: Does it sound like I'm laughing, sweetheart?

Danny Ocean: [during the tunnel boring machine induced earthquake as the casino is being evacuated when the machine is shut down and quake continues] This is not time for jokes, fellas!
Turk Malloy: [underground with the TBM] Does it sound like I'm laughing, sweetheart.

Turk Malloy: That was good.
Virgil Malloy: I know. That's why they asked me to do it and not you.
Turk Malloy: Okay, this is me offering you an olive basket. And this is you spitting in my face.
Virgil Malloy: Oh, is that your face?

Turk Malloy: [dressing as a chef] I feel bad, like torture.
Saul Bloom: [putting together the faux dog speaker] This is war, kid. There's going to be collateral damage!


Ocean's Eleven (2001)
Turk Malloy: [impatiently waiting in his truck to race against Virgil] I'm gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period French.

[while reconnoitering the casinos]
Virgil Malloy: [makes a note] Leaving at 10:44.
Turk Malloy: [belittling and criticizing him] 10:46, get a watch that works.

Turk Malloy: [intentionally arguing to each other extend the time needed for their balloons to block the security camera's view] Watch it, bud.
Virgil Malloy: Who you calling bud, pal?
Turk Malloy: Who you calling pal, friend?
Virgil Malloy: Who you calling friend, jackass?
Turk Malloy: Don't call me a jackass.
Virgil Malloy: I just did call you a jackass.

[watching Yen prepares to somersault onto the vault]
Turk Malloy: Ten says he shorts it.
Frank, Livingston, Saul: Twenty!

Virgil Malloy: [playing 20 questions as they wait for Danny, Yen and Basher to steal the pinch] Are you a man?
Turk Malloy: Yes, nineteen.
Virgil Malloy: Are you alive?
Turk Malloy: Yes, eighteen.
Virgil Malloy: Evel Knievel.
Turk Malloy: ...shit.

Turk Malloy: [at Ruben's house] Saul, do you get out to Utah much?
Saul: Not as often as I'd like.
Turk Malloy: Check it out. I think you'd dig Provo. You could do well there.
Saul: I'll look into it.

Rusty: [impersonating a doctor, referring to Saul pretending to be dead] I'm sorry. He's gone.
Virgil Malloy: [as he and Turk enter, impersonating paramedics] Man, I told you to run.
Turk Malloy: Don't do that.
Virgil Malloy: What, I didn't tell you to run?