Linus Caldwell
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Quotes for
Linus Caldwell (Character)
from Ocean's Eleven (2001)

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Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Linus Caldwell: Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...
Rusty Ryan: If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell: Okay, can I ask you...
Rusty Ryan: Yes.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Rusty Ryan: Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.
Linus Caldwell: Wait, why not?
Rusty Ryan: Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
[walks off]
Linus Caldwell: Oooooooooo.

Linus Caldwell: What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Danny Ocean: She's seven.

Livingston Dell: [Linus, Basher and Turk are escorted into a jail cell already holding the rest of the gang] So, how'd it go?
Linus Caldwell: Hehehehehe.

Tess Ocean: [while trying to get through a crowd of fans thinking she's Julia Roberts] How is this going to get Danny out?
Linus Caldwell: We need someone famous.
Tess Ocean: Why didn't you get someone famous?
Linus Caldwell: Just think Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Tess Ocean: [rather bewildered] She wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Linus Caldwell: 'I'. 'I wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral'! Just protect your fake baby!

Linus Caldwell: I blew the meet with Matsui.
Molly Star: Let me guess. He pulled a lost in translation on you?
Linus Caldwell: [shocked] Why don't I see these things?

Linus Caldwell: Um, all right, let's go over the list again. Ah, Swinging Priest?
Basher Tarr: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Crazy Larry?
Turk Malloy: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Soft shoulder?
Basher Tarr: Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell: Baker's dozen?
Basher Tarr: No woman
[pause]
Basher Tarr: and not enough people.
Turk Malloy: Hell in a Handbasket?
Linus Caldwell: [sigh] We can't train a cat that quickly
[pause]
Linus Caldwell: and...
Linus Caldwell, Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy: Not enough people.

Linus Caldwell: So we do a Lookie-Loo... it's actually a Lookie-Loo with a Bundle of Joy!
Basher Tarr: A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?
Linus Caldwell: Yeah!
Basher Tarr: You've gone right out of your tree, my son.
[looking at Turk]
Basher Tarr: He's mad. It's madness.
Turk Malloy: Yeah, it's crazy. It's Italian television crazy, and, we're still one short.
Linus Caldwell: No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well that's a trifecta!
Basher Tarr: You might be right. Make the call.

Tess Ocean: This is just wrong.
Linus Caldwell: You mean like... morally?
Tess Ocean: Well... yeah I guess.

Linus Caldwell: [Linus is trying to convince everyone that Danny was actually the leader of "The Benedict Job"] Well, if any of you had a problem, who did you go to?
Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy, Virgil Malloy, Reuben Tishkoff, Livingston Dell, Yen, Frank Catton: [simultaneously] Rusty.
Danny Ocean: Thanks, Linus.

Molly Star: I hope Danny And Rusty appreciate the fine job you did - in a tight jam? I'm really proud of you.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks.
Molly Star: We both are.
Linus Caldwell: [pauses and looks at Star]
Linus Caldwell: [revealing that Molly Star is actually Mrs. Caldwell, his mother] You told Dad? You told Dad?
Molly Star: I had to sweetheart, We were on vacation.
Linus Caldwell: [shaking his head, looks away from his mom]
Molly Star: [smiling] I'm sorry.
Linus Caldwell: Great. you guys are gonna be dining out on this one for months! Hey, you remember the time your mom had to go to Rome, Blah, Blah,blah? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?

Danny Ocean: How much is everyone short?
Turk Malloy: 14.
Virgil Malloy: You're kidding me! You spent all but 5 million?
Turk Malloy: Yes! Are you going to start on me with that too? You don't know what it's like starting something from scratch!
Virgil Malloy: Well, with interest, I'm short 7.
Frank Catton: Eight.
Linus Caldwell: Well, I spent a million on talent development, so I guess that leaves me at 7. Boy, that interest just kills you, man!
Basher Tarr: I'm light 9.
Livingston Dell: What's the interest?
Reuben Tishkoff: 6.
Livingston Dell: Then I owe 6.
Turk Malloy: What?
Livingston Dell: I've been living with my parents.
Rusty Ryan: I owe 25.
[everyone looks at him, he chuckles wryly]
Rusty Ryan: Hotels, man.

Reuben Tishkoff: I can handle Saul's share.
Danny Ocean: You don't have to do that.
Reuben Tishkoff: Who would I talk to if you're all dead?
Danny Ocean: That's a good point. Alright, I owe 10. Amazing?
Yen: [speaks in Mandarin]
Rusty Ryan: [chuckles] Yeah, but it's a nice place.
Livingston Dell: So that comes to?
Reuben Tishkoff: 97, give or take.
Rusty Ryan: He didn't find us on his own. Someone helped him.
Reuben Tishkoff: Another thief.
Linus Caldwell: Well, there's no-one we'd know that would violate rule number one.
Danny Ocean: What we do know is we need a job. We need a high paying job.
Linus Caldwell: Well, now we're too hot to be working anywhere in this country.
Danny Ocean: So we go abroad. How 'bout we go to...
Rusty Ryan: [cuts in] We're on the 5:00.
Danny Ocean: Good. We're we going?
Rusty Ryan: Amsterdam.
Danny Ocean: Amsterdam, it is. Clock's running guys. Let's go.
Linus Caldwell: I've never been to Amsterdam.
Turk Malloy: I hear German girls are really hot.

Matsui: So, business?
Danny Ocean: Business.
Rusty Ryan: A doctor, who specializes in skin diseases, will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.
Matsui: [to Caldwell] Would you agree?
[Caldwell is visibly perplexed and perturbed, shaking his head]
Matsui: .
Danny Ocean: If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en... would fall... on the same day.
Rusty Ryan: Mm.
Matsui: Yeah. Hey. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Matsui: When I was four years old, I watched my mother kill a spider... with a teacosy. Years later, I realised it was not a spider - it was my Uncle Harold.
Linus Caldwell: [All eyes turn to him, expectantly] Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars fill my dreams.
[Ryan claps hand across eyes]
Linus Caldwell: I am a traveller in both time and space, to be where I have been.
[Blank, yet stern, looks from everyone]
Linus Caldwell: [Outside, Ryan and Ocean join Caldwell in the street] Is he alright? Are we alright?
Rusty Ryan: Kashmir?
Danny Ocean: Is that your idea of making a contribution?
Rusty Ryan: We hadn't even started. We ain't even got to the terms yet.
Danny Ocean: We came this close to losing that.
Linus Caldwell: Hey, I don't even understand what happened in there. What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Linus Caldwell: What?
Danny Ocean: She's seven.
Rusty Ryan: Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of...
Danny Ocean: No, you don't need to tell him that...
Linus Caldwell: Sorry.
Linus Caldwell: OK. So what does this mean?
Rusty Ryan: It means you stay here.

Linus Caldwell: Can I talk to you for a second?
Rusty Ryan: What is it?
Linus Caldwell: This might not be the perfect time or whatever to talk about it but I've been doing my homework and I'd really like to play a more central role this time around
Rusty Ryan: Right
Linus Caldwell: I'm ready for that and I wanted to know if I could maybe come to the meeting and help you guys negotiate
Rusty Ryan: It's just a sit down with Matsui he's got his own language
Linus Caldwell: I watched you and Danny really closely last time around
Rusty Ryan: In my professional opinion you're not ready but if you're convinced that you are ready, I can speak with Danny we can make this happen, but you've got to be sure


Ocean's Thirteen (2007)
Linus Caldwell: [passing Yen off as a whale] He owns all of the air south of Beijing.
Abigail Sponder: [disbelieving] The air?
Linus Caldwell: Let me put it to you this way: try building something taller than three stories in the Tiangjin province, and see if his name comes up.

Abigail Sponder: [after a small earthquake] What was that?
Linus Caldwell: You felt it too?

[Linus is talking to his dad on the phone in Ruben's home in Las Vegas]
Linus Caldwell: No, Dad. It will work.
[Danny puts his hand out for the phone]
Linus Caldwell: No Dad, I won't put Danny on.
[Rusty puts his hand out for the phone]
Linus Caldwell: Or Rusty.

[Danny, Rusty, and Linus are talking to Benedict]
Rusty Ryan: It can't be done.
Linus Caldwell: We don't have the manpower.
Danny Ocean: Or the time.
Rusty Ryan: Or a way in.

Linus Caldwell: It is not a prop for prop's sake!

Linus Caldwell: [to Danny and Rusty at the airport] I'll see you, when I see you!

Linus Caldwell: [after Rusty and Danny get off the plane] Hey, where are Tess and Isabel?
Danny Ocean: It's not their fight!
Linus Caldwell: Whoa!

Abigail Sponder: We're gonna have to let you go. Turn in your uniform.
Fired Waitress: I only gained 4 pounds. You can't.
Abigail Sponder: Yeah, well your body index is not what it's supposed to be.
Fired Waitress: But Ms. Sponder...
Abigail Sponder: Oh, no, baby doll. It's your butt that's the problem.
[walks away]
Frank Catton: [voiceover] You can't fire no waitress based on appearance. Man that's just unconstitutional.
Danny Ocean: If they were waitress.
Linus Caldwell: Yeah, they're actually hired as 'models who serve' so that Bank can monitor their physical appearance.
Rusty Ryan: It's a cruel, cruel practice.

Linus Caldwell: [on the phone with Danny] The specs aren't on the gray market, the black market or any other market. And all I keep hearing is there's never been a system like this. Now, I found out where they designed it, but I can't even get in the building! I've blown all my buy money, my bribe money, four of my best ID's and I am nowhere! Not only am I nowhere, I'm pretty sure I'm being followed.
Danny Ocean: [over the phone] Do you have anything?
Linus Caldwell: Yeah, I think I have a name but I don't even know if it's right. They're calling it...
Roman Nagel: [cuts scene] The Greco. The Greco Player Tracker.

Linus Caldwell: The Nose Plays!
Danny Ocean: Oh, the nose plays.
Rusty Ryan: The nose plays.

Linus Caldwell: [as Abagail is standing behind the bar] Do you got wine back there?
Abigail Sponder: [seduced by his chemically engineered scent] I got everything you need back here.

Linus Caldwell: [intentionally speaking in metaphors to Danny and Rusty] We've shaken all the trees, we've looked under every rock, we've talked to everybody we can trust I know it's not a great idea but it is an idea and as long as we have one idea we shouldn't give up


Ocean's Eleven (2001)
Rusty: You scared?
Linus: You suicidal?
Rusty: Only in the morning.

Danny: There's a ninety-five pound Chinese man with a hundred sixty million dollars behind this door.
Linus: Let's get him out.
Danny: [insistent] yeah

Danny: [holds up a black wallet in an empty bar] Hello Linus. Whose is this?
Linus: Who are you?
Danny: A friend of Bobby Caldwell's.
[produces a plane ticket]
Danny: You're either in or you're out. Right now.
Linus: What is it?
Danny: It's a plane ticket. A job offer.
Linus: You're pretty trusting pretty fast.
Danny: Well Bobby has a lot of faith in you.
Linus: Fathers are like that.

Linus: [excited assuming the heist is going to be easy] Smash and grab job, huh?
Rusty: Slightly more complicated than that.
Linus: Well, yeah.

Linus: [to Terry, trying to follow Rusty's advice of being funny and not enough to make him laugh] Apparently, he's got a record longer than my... well, it's long.

Reuben: [walking up to Linus] You're Bobby Caldwell's kid. From Chicago. It's nice there, do you like it?
Linus: [waiting by the pool as everyone enters Reuben's home] Yeah.
Reuben: That's wonderful. Get in the goddamn house.

[as Tess walks down the stairs]
Linus: [to Rusty] This is the best part of my day.

Linus: [the rest of the crew get out of the van to enter the building to steal the pinch] , with Turk and Virgil in the front;
[Danny stops Linus]
Danny: What are you doing?
Linus: I'm coming with you.
Danny: No.
Linus: What? Oh, no, no...
[as they shut the doors on him]
Linus: [shouts] Don't leave me with these guys!

Linus: [Yen's cast is caught in vault door, Unaware that Yen is trapped, Danny and Linus try to blow the door but the bomb doesnt go off] Did you check the batteries?
[pause]
Linus: You know, you lose focus in this game for one second...
Danny: I know, somebody gets hurt. You don't hear Yen complaining.
[they replace the batteries and the door explodes]

Linus: The last guy they caught cheating in here? Benedict not only sent him up for 10 years, he had the bank seize his house and then he bankrupted...
Rusty, Linus: -his brother-in-law's tractor dealership.
Rusty: Yeah, I heard.