Col. Douglas Mortimer
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Quotes for
Col. Douglas Mortimer (Character)
from For a Few Dollars More (1965)

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For a Few Dollars More (1965)
Wild, The Hunchback: Well well, if it isn't the smoker. Well... Remember me, amigo?
Col. Douglas Mortimer: M-Mm.
Wild, The Hunchback: 'Course you do. El Paso.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: It's a small world.
Wild, The Hunchback: Yes, and very, very bad. Now come on, you light another match.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: I generally smoke just after I eat. Why don't you come back in about ten minutes?
Wild, The Hunchback: Ten minutes you'll be smoking in hell. *Get up!*

[last lines]
Monco: [counting reward sums of outlaws he just killed] Ten thousand... twelve thousand... fifteen... sixteen... seventeen... twenty-two. Twenty-two?
[a wounded Groggy comes from behind and raises his gun; Monco whirls and shoots him dead]
Monco: ...Twenty-seven.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: Any trouble, boy?
Monco: No, old man. Thought I was having trouble with my adding. It's all right now.

Col. Douglas Mortimer: [discussing strategy to defeat Indio] When two hunters go after the same prey, they usually end up shooting each other in the back. And we don't want to shoot each other in the back.
Monco: [amused] Then the Colonel dies...

[first lines]
Train Conductor: Tickets. Tickets, please. Tickets. Tickets. Thank you. Tickets.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: Is this part of Tucumcari?
Train Conductor: We should pass there in about 3 to 4 minutes.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: Thanks.
Carpetbagger on Train: Well, eh, excuse me, but you made a mistake, Reverend. I couldn't help hearing you're going to Tucumcari. I sell goods around here, and I gotta tell you, you're on the wrong train. I think the nearest stop to Tucumcari is Amarillo. By getting off at Santa Fe and returning by way of Amarillo, you should be able to get right where... you're... going.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: [slowly peers over the top of his Bible with a steely stare]
Carpetbagger on Train: Er, you see the train doesn't stop at Tucumcari.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: [stuffs his Bible into his bag] This train'll stop at Tucumcari...

[after Mortimer opens safe, Indio declares a cooling off time for the loot]
El Indio: [to Mortimer] And you will wait a month to get your share.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: Naturally!... I'll be in the tavern.

[Mortimer has just recovered the watch from Indio, which contains a picture of the woman that Indio raped]
Monco: [peers at the picture] There seems to be a family resemblance.
[He hands Mortimer the similar watch with the same picture he had taken earlier]
Monco: Here.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: [pause, then] Naturally, between brother and sister.

Monco: Tell me, Colonel... Were you ever young?
Col. Douglas Mortimer: Yup. And just as reckless as you. Then one day, something happened. It made life very precious to me.
Monco: What's that?
[Mortimer shoots a glance at him]
Monco: Or is the question indiscreet?
Col. Douglas Mortimer: [pause, then] No. No, the question isn't indiscreet. But the answer could be.

Monco: [Examining Mortimer's gun] How can somebody in my business go around with a contraption like this?
Col. Douglas Mortimer: That contraption almost sent you to your grave.

Monco: You mind telling me how you got here?
Col. Douglas Mortimer: I just reasoned it out. I figured you'd tell Indio to do just exactly the opposite of what we agreed, and he's suspicious enough to figure out something else. Since El Paso was out of the question, well, here I am!

Train Conductor: Hey, Mister, you just can't pull the emergency cord and jump off! Tell me, why did you stop that train? If you wanna get off, you're...
[looks at Mortimer's gun]
Train Conductor: Well, the railroad company would might be pleased to make any arrangements for any passenger, if you wanna get off, Dear Sir.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: I did get off. Thanks.

Col. Douglas Mortimer: [meeting up with Monco to get the stolen loot] I was worried about you - all alone, with so many problems to solve...

[Indio and his gang have been dispatched]
Col. Douglas Mortimer: My boy, you've become rich.
Monco: You mean *we've* become rich, old man.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: No, it's all yours. I think you deserve it.
Monco: What about our partnership?
Col. Douglas Mortimer: [smiles] Maybe next time.

El Paso Bank Manager: To try robbing us would be so futile that only a complete fool would attempt it.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: Yeah.Or a complete madman.

Col. Douglas Mortimer: One from the outside one from the inside.There's no other way.One of us will have to join Indio's gang.
Monco: Why did you look at me when you said one of us?
Col. Douglas Mortimer: Because they don't know you.Wild sees me and his hump will catch on fire.
Monco: Tell me Colonel.How do you propose that I join up with Indio?Maybe bring him a bunch of roses.

Col. Douglas Mortimer: Indio!Listen to me.This is Colonel Mortimer.Douglas Mortimer.Does the name mean anything to you!

Col. Douglas Mortimer: Leave Indio to me.
Monco: Alright.

Monco: [to the Chinese bag carrier] Take it to the station.The gentleman's leaving.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: Hold it.Take it back.
Monco: Take it to the station.
Col. Douglas Mortimer: Go inside.
Monco: The station.