Jane Burnham
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Quotes for
Jane Burnham (Character)
from American Beauty (1999)

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American Beauty (1999)
Carolyn Burnham: Are you trying to look unattractive?
Jane Burnham: Yes.
Carolyn Burnham: Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably.

Jane Burnham: I know you think my dad's harmless, but you're wrong.

[first lines]
Jane Burnham: I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. What a lame-o. Someone really should just put him out of his misery.
Ricky Fitts: Want me to kill him for you?
Jane Burnham: Yeah. Would you?

Jane Burnham: Are you scared?
Ricky Fitts: I don't get scared.
Jane Burnham: My parents will try to find me.
Ricky Fitts: Mine won't.

Jane Burnham: [turning the camera on Ricky] Don't you feel naked?
Ricky Fitts: [looking down, grinning] I am naked.

Jane Burnham: Somebody should just put him out of his misery.
Ricky Fitts: Do you want me to kill him?
Jane Burnham: Yeah, would you?

Lester Burnham: So, Janie, how was school?
Jane Burnham: It was okay.
Lester Burnham: Just okay?
Jane Burnham: No, Dad, it was spectacular.

[after meeting Ricky Fitts for the first time]
Angela Hayes: What a freak! And why does he dress like a bible salesman?
Jane Burnham: He's just so confident, it can't be real.
Angela Hayes: I don't believe him. I mean, he didn't even like, look at me once!

Angela Hayes: So, you're fucking psycho-boy on a regular basis now? Tell me, has he got a big dick?
Jane Burnham: It's not like that.
Angela Hayes: What, hasn't he got one?
Jane Burnham: I'm not going to talk about his dick with you, OK?

Jane Burnham: I don't think we can be friends anymore.
Angela Hayes: You're way too uptight about sex.
Jane Burnham: Just don't fuck my dad, all right? Please?
Angela Hayes: Why not?

Angela Hayes: Jane, he's a freak!
Jane Burnham: Then so am I! And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other people and you'll never be a freak because you're just too... perfect!

Jane Burnham: Could he be any more pathetic?
Angela Hayes: I think it's sweet. And I think he and your mother have not had sex in a long time.

Ricky Fitts: It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful... you can look right back.
Jane Burnham: And what do you see?
Ricky Fitts: Beauty.

Jane Burnham: [seeing Lester having just been shot] Oh, my God...
Ricky Fitts: [looks at Lester, curiously intrigued] Wow...

[Lester eavesdrops on Jane and Angela through Jane's bedroom door]
Jane Burnham: Sorry about my dad.
Angela Hayes: Don't be. I think it's funny.
Jane Burnham: Yeah, to you, he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones. But to me, he's just... too embarrassing to live.
Angela Hayes: Your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony. But, your dad's actually kind of cute.
Jane Burnham: Shut up.
Angela Hayes: He is. If he just worked out a little, he'd be hot.
Jane Burnham: Shut up!
Angela Hayes: Oh, come on. Like you've never sneaked a peek at him in his underwear? I bet he's got a big dick.
Jane Burnham: You are so grossing me out right now.
Angela Hayes: If he built up his chest and arms, I would totally fuck him.
Jane Burnham: [covers her ears and sings 'la la la' over and over again]
Angela Hayes: I would! I would suck your dad's big fat dick, and then I'd fuck him until his eyes rolled back in his head!

Angela Hayes: Who are you looking for?
Jane Burnham: My parents are coming tonight. They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me.
Angela Hayes: Gross. I hate it when my mom does that.

Jane Burnham: Mom, do we always have to listen to this elevator music?
Carolyn Burnham: No. No, we don't.
Carolyn Burnham: As soon as you've prepared a nutritious yet savory meal that I'm about to eat, you can listen to whatever you like.