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Quotes for
Wolf (Character)
from Into the Woods (2014)

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Hoodwinked! (2005)
The Wolf: [receiving a lit stick of dynamite] What kind of candles are those?
Twitchy: [pointing at writing on dynamite] Dee-na-mee-tay. Must be Italian.

Nicky Flippers: What do you do for a living, Mr. Wolf?
The Wolf: I'm a shepherd.

[last lines]
Red: Mr. Flippers!
Nicky Flippers: I see you all got my message. Glad you could make it.
Granny: What's going on?
Nicky Flippers: Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come and work for me? I could use some fresh talent like you.
The Wolf: What kind of work are we talking about?
Nicky Flippers: You'd be under cover, on impossible missions, to far away places. There's a lot of stories out there that need a happy ending. I'm part of a secret organization that makes sure that happens.
Red: "Happily Ever After Agency"?
Nicky Flippers: The woods don't go 'round by themselves.
Twitchy: [talking very fast] Yeah! Alright! Okay we fight the bad guys, we ride the ski boats, climb the walls, and swing the windows secret agent style. Right! Yeah!
Nicky Flippers: So what do you think?
Granny: Bring it honey!
Red: I always did like happy endings.

Red Puckett: [Red encounters the Wolf, wearing a Granny mask and apron and using a falsetto voice] Who are you ?
The Wolf: I'm your grandma.
Red Puckett: Your face looks really weird, granny.
The Wolf: I've been sick, I... uh...
Red Puckett: Your mouth doesn't move when you talk.
The Wolf: Plastic surgery. Grandma's had a little work done.

Nicky Flippers: It would seem that all of you came together tonight by mistake.
[walks past dog typing notes]
Nicky Flippers: Maybe you naughty neighbors butted heads so we could get to the real truth.
The Wolf: The Goody Bandit
Nicky Flippers: That's right. The Bandit's still at large. There's been a lot of finger pointing tonight, but now all fingers point to the Bandit.
The Woodsman: Not my finger!
[quickly puts index finger in mouth and starts sucking it]
Nicky Flippers: Oh no, you were just out damaging forest property, cutting down the redwoods we all call home.
[the Woodsman starts spluttering]
Nicky Flippers: Big guy like you, you could probably take whatever you want from little goody-loving creatures, couldn't you?
The Woodsman: But someone robbed me! Have we lost track of that?
Nicky Flippers: Thats right, someone did. Maybe a snack food competitor. Right Granny?
Granny: Now hold on a pea-picking minute! I may lead a double life full of secrets and deception, but that's no reason to be suspicious.
The Woodsman: Huh?
Nicky Flippers: A woman like you could have a lot to gain stealing all those recipes.
Chief Grizzly: And that's how she makes her goodies so good! Eh?
Nicky Flippers: Or she could just be another victim... of a hungry Wolf
The Wolf: Ah, the wolf did it. Talk about profiling.
Nicky Flippers: Why should we trust someone who wears disguises for a living?
Chief Grizzly: Maybe he's not a wolf at all!
The Wolf: You got me. I'm a poodle. I just haven't been to the barbershop in a long time.
Chief Grizzly: Is this all just a big joke to you?
The Wolf: I just followed the girl here.
Granny: You leave my granddaughter alone!
Nicky Flippers: Yes, now we get to Little Red, the girl with the basket on the run.
[camera points to empty chair]
Nicky Flippers: Where is she anyway?

[the Wolf has observed Red's bike being carried across the river by hummingbirds]
The Wolf: Whoa! Creepy!
[retreats behind the bushes]
The Wolf: [voiceover] I was starting to have my suspicions.
[the Wolf takes out his note recorder]
The Wolf: Question: who does she move the goodies for? Where do they come from? Where are they going? And why the hood?
[Twitchy falls from the sky and lands on a tree stump next to the Wolf, who jumps]
The Wolf: Ah! Twitchy, you scared me!
Twitchy: [speaking very quickly] Hey boss, I called the taped-I beeped you on your beeper. Did you get my beep?
The Wolf: Twitchy, you gotta calm down.
Twitchy: [continues speaking quickly] I got up early and I got the gear - I was watching the girl like you told me to, the girl in the red hood.
The Wolf: Yeah, the girl in the red hood. Did you see where she went?
Twitchy: [pantomiming] She went past the porcupines and the red bird's tree and the guy with the long beard and now she's up the creek and she sings everywhere she goes, he's like lalalalalalalalalala...
The Wolf: Yeah, yeah, I'm way ahead of you. We gotta find out who she's working for. You got the camera?
Twitchy: Got the 220x and a photograb with autofocus. Ooo, look at that - come with a 500 millimeter lens. You want the color or black and white?
The Wolf: Doesn't matter.
Twitchy: I brought a flash!
[takes a picture]
The Wolf: Ugh, will you put that away! It's covert. No flash!
Twitchy: [takes the flash off] Undercover, got it! Mmm-hm. Nobody sees, nobody knows! Click-click, heh heh!
[grins]
The Wolf: [stares at Twitchy] You ever thought about decaffeinated coffee?
Twitchy: Oh, I don't drink coffee!
[the Wolf looks away, unconvinced]

The Wolf: I can't believe I'm saying this but... drink up.
[gives Twitchy the coffee]
The Wolf: We may want to stand back.
Twitchy: [Sips coffee and his eyes buldge and he starts shaking] Yee-hoo-hoo-hoo! Wahooo! Caffeine! Yeah baby! Whoa!
The Wolf: Go get 'em boy.
[Twitchy takes off and bounces all over the place]
The Wolf: What... have I done?
Granny: Now the rest's up to us.
The Woodsman: Can I have coffee?

Nicky Flippers: So! Mr. Wolf... May I call you Wolf?
The Wolf: You can call me Sheila. I like long walks and fresh flowers.
Chief Grizzly: Quit playing around, Wolf! You're looking at 3 to 5 in an old shoe with no windows, SO START SINGIN'!

Chief Grizzly: Pretty thin Wolf! You say the old lady was already tied up. How did that happen?
The Wolf: I don't know, maybe to make herself look innocent. I just write the news Chief, I don't make it.
Red: For a reporter, you sure have a strange way of doing your job.
The Wolf: What can I say? I was raised by wolves.

The Wolf: You're lookin' pretty tasty...
Woolworth: Why you gotta be like that?

The Woodsman: [disguised as Dolph] Uh, Mister Rabbit...
Boingo: Dolph! Where have you been? You nimwitted Eurotrash with the... what is that, a ski mask?
The Woodsman: Uh, I, um, yah...
Boingo: I like that! See, that's scary. Yeah that's good...
The Woodsman: Um, b-boss...
Boingo: WHAT? Say it! Spit it out! What's goin' on?
The Woodsman: Um... boss, uh,
[singing]
The Woodsman: Paul's bunion cream/has the soothing formula...
The Wolf: [interrupts, also in disguise] Hi there! What he means to say is that I'm the building inspector.
The Woodsman: Yah, yes!
The Wolf: I just need to tap the pipes; see if your wiring's up to par.
Boingo: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, you're not... no, you can't touch anything in here.
The Wolf: [pauses] Let's walk.

The Wolf: As God is my witness, you will learn to speak.

The Wolf: I'm allergic to yodeling.

The Wolf: I knew it! Never trust a bunny!
Twitchy: Never trust a bunny!

[Commenting on Boingo's musical number]
The Wolf: The song was catchy, but the choreography was terrible.

Granny: [after hearing the Bandit's plan to destroy the forest] Sweet tea and cookies, we've got to do something!
The Wolf: I know. The song was catchty, but choreography was terrible.

The Wolf: [pretending to be a building inspector] Let me level with you, you're an evil genius, right?
Boingo: Well, I don't know if I'd say "genius," you know. I was asked to join Mensa.
The Wolf: Well, you got yourself an evil lair in a mountain cave. That's standard, but see, most masters of evil that we deal with are up to evil genius code. Are you familiar with the code?
Boingo: You know, I'm more of a do-it-yourself kind of guy. Yeah.
The Wolf: I understand. Are you thinking about puttin' in a laser?
Boingo: I don't know. I don't... Do you think I should?
The Wolf: Well, it's standard equipment for a cave lair. I'm not saying you're going to zap someone with it today, but you gotta think about the future. Those things have gotta be calibrated.

The Wolf: That was quite a bit of fallin' you did just now.

The Wolf: You know, I'm front page material now. I'm about to crack a story about the 3 pigs running a home improvement scam. Houses falling left and right
Twitchy: I've got the wide angle lens for those piggies. You gotta go wide!

Red: What big ears you have.
The Wolf: All the better to hear your many criticisms!

Chief Grizzly: [to the Wolf, after he tells his side] You got a way to back this up?
Twitchy: [appears] I got these pictures developed, Mr. Flippers!
Nicky Flippers: That so? Let's have a look...
[examines photos]
Nicky Flippers: Hmmm... these are good... Ha...
[shows picture of Wolf mounted in fish costume]
Nicky Flippers: Here's a nice one of you, Wolf.
The Wolf: Grrph...
Twitchy: I wanna do an expose' sometime; a gallery show. And maybe a coffee table book, 'course, I don't drink coffee. Maybe a china tea/latte book.
Nicky Flippers: Photos don't lie, Chief.
The Wolf: Good work, Twitchy.
Chief Grizzly: Grrph!

Caterpillar 1: [the Wolf is using his radar to listen in on Red as she rides up the tram] I don't know what to do. I mean, should I call her?
Caterpillar 2: Well she is keeping seeing other people probably. Keeping her options open, you should do the same.
Caterpillar 1: Shh. Up there.
[Camera shot changes to show that the Wolf's radar is hanging over two caterpillers conversing on a leaf]
Caterpillar 1: Do you mind?
The Wolf: [withdraws, sheepishly] Oh. Sorry.

The Wolf: [Boingo is giving the Wolf directions to a shortcut] You see, Twitchy, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.
[Cuts to the Wolf and Twitchy walking through a dark cave]
The Wolf: And then that lemonade turns bitter, ferments and turns to pigswill.

Raccoon Jerry: What did you say your name was?
The Wolf: Shaw. Rick Shaw. Came in from Japan.

Twitchy: [catching up, out of breath after chasing Red] So when do we eat?
The Wolf: Sure, you hungry for failure? Maybe a side of unemployment? 'Cause that's what's for lunch.
Twitchy: What do we do?
The Wolf: We go right to the source. We've gotta get to Granny's before the kid does.
[Boingo appears]
Boingo: Is it a surprise?
The Wolf: Surprise for who?
Boingo: You're going over to Granny's house to surprise Red. I mean, is it her birthday, or some kind of shim dig, 'cause I'm great at parties! Watch me pull myself out of a hat!
[scratches his right ear against his head with a very forced grimace]
The Wolf: Yeah, big surprise party. You know how to get there?
Boingo: Oh, yeah. Yeah. In fact, I know a shortcut.
The Wolf: [to Twitchy, incredulous] You hear that? He knows a shortcut.
Boingo: Over the woods and through the river... No, you don't wanna go through the river. You'll get all wet.
The Wolf: You see, Twitchy? You get lemons, you make lemonade.
[Cuts to the Wolf and Twitchy walking in ankle-deep water through a pitch-black tunnel; Twitchy turns on his camera light]
The Wolf: And then that lemonade goes bitter, and ferments, and turns to pig-swill. Never trust a bunny with directions, Twitchy.
Twitchy: Sure thing, boss! Never trust a bunny!
The Wolf: Well the bright side is at least I finally dried off.
[immediately falls into a small hole, soaking his hoodie and bringing the water up to his waist]
The Wolf: Why couldn't I write movie reviews? We are in a pickle, and I blame myself. That bunny was worthless, not to mention he wrote the directions on an Easter Egg...
[holds up a brightly colored Easter egg with illegible text scribbled on the side]
The Wolf: ... which is very hard to read.
Twitchy: Oh, we're gonnadie here!
The Wolf: Come on, that's what they said at the Alamo!

[Grizzly has learned that the Wolf was trying to eat Red]
Chief Grizzly: All right, get a muzzle on that guy.
The Wolf: Hey, I can explain everything.
Chief Grizzly: Well you can explain it to the judge.
[turns to Red]
Chief Grizzly: Shouldn't you be at school?
Red Puckett: Shouldn't *I* have a lawyer?

[the Wolf is impersonating Granny with a plastic mask and apron]
The Wolf: You got the loot?
Red Puckett: Whoa, what big *hands* you have.
The Wolf: Oh! All the better to scratch my back with.
Red Puckett: And what big *ears* you have...
The Wolf: [increasing in irritation] All the better to hear your... many criticisms. Old people just have big ears, dear.
Red Puckett: And Granny... what big *eyes* you have!
The Wolf: [exploding] Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about how big I'm getting?
[leans in]
The Wolf: You came here for a reason, didn't you? So tell old Granny what you've got in the basket.
Red Puckett: Ugh! Granny! What bad breath you have!
[the Wolf takes off the mask; Red screams and backs away]
Red Puckett: You again! What do I have to do, get a restraining order?
The Wolf: Settle down, little girl.
Red Puckett: Hi-yah!
[Gets into kung-fu stance]
The Wolf: Save it, Red fu. You've been dodging me all day, you might as well just give up.
[Grabs a fireplace poker and corners her]
Red Puckett: Ha! You crazy Wolf! What have you done with Granny?
The Wolf: I'm taking Granny down and you're next.
[Granny bursts out of the closet, bound and gagged]
Red Puckett: Granny!
[Kirk bursts through the window, holding a pickaxe]


The Windblown Hare (1949)
Bugs Bunny: My, Grandma. How big eyes you have?
Big Bad Wolf: All the better to -
[Bugs pokes Wolf's eyes hard]
Big Bad Wolf: EEEOOOOWWWW!
Bugs Bunny: And what big ears you have?
Big Bad Wolf: OH YEAH? And what big ears YOU have?
Bugs Bunny: And what big feet you have!
Big Bad Wolf: And what a big red coat you've got on!
Bugs Bunny: [Takes off Wolf's disguse] Why, Granny. You're just a wolf with cheap clothing.
Big Bad Wolf: AND YOU'RE NOT RED RIDING HOOD!
Bugs Bunny: Oh right, smarty-pants. Since I'm not Red Riding Hood, you don't get the present I brought over.
Big Bad Wolf: Oh, come on! Be a good guy. Give me what ya got. Please? Huh huh? Please huh please?
Bugs Bunny: Well, okay. But remember...
[Splats cake onto Wolf's face]
Bugs Bunny: You asked for it!

Big Bad Wolf: I'm gonna huff, and I'll puff, and I'll...
[looks up line in book]
Big Bad Wolf: Oh, yeah... and I'll b-b-b-blow your house down!
Bugs Bunny: Now just a minute, Doc...
[the wolf blows the wooden house down and leaves]
Bugs Bunny: Of course you know, this means war.

Bugs Bunny: They're home, Doc. Start blowing.
Big Bad Wolf: I can't blow the brick house down. It says so in the book.
Bugs Bunny: Book, schnook! Blow the house down.
Big Bad Wolf: I'm gonna huff, and I'll puff, and I'll b-b-b-blow your house down!
Pig #1: Listen, it's that windy wolf.
[They laugh]
Pig #2: Ah, blow your brains out.
Pig #3: We know you can't blow down bricks.
[the wolf blows; after a moment, the house explodes]
Big Bad Wolf: I did it!
the Three Little Pigs: He did it?
Bugs Bunny: [Next to a detonator] Eh... *we* did it.

Big Bad Wolf: [Reading his book] Hmm, says here I can't blow down a brick house.
Bugs Bunny: [Bugs walks by singing dressed as Little Red Riding Hood] The rabbit in red, la da da di, the rabbit in red.
Big Bad Wolf: Hey kid; who are you?
Bugs Bunny: [Opening Wolf's book to Little Red Riding Hood] Here, Doc, read this.
Big Bad Wolf: [Reading] One day, Little Red Riding Hood, Grandma's house, Wolf ate grandma, 'my, GRandma what big ears you have'!
[Looks at watch]
Big Bad Wolf: Holy cow! I haven't even taken care of Grandma yet!
Big Bad Wolf: [Running into Granny's house] Alright, Grandma! Out! Get a move on! Hit the bricks, sister!
Granny: Land's sake, Wolf; ain't you goin' to eat me?
Big Bad Wolf: No time for that, Granny; get moving, shake a leg.
Granny: Can't a body even get her shawl on? Stop that, Wolf!
[Suitcase flies across the room, knocking Granny through the door]

Big Bad Wolf: [Reading his book] Hmm, says here I can't blow down a brick house.
Bugs Bunny: [Bugs walks by singing dressed as Little Red Riding Hood] The rabbit in red/ la da da di di di/ the rabbit in red.
Big Bad Wolf: Hey kid; who are you?
Bugs Bunny: [Opening Wolf's book to Little Red Riding Hood] Here, Doc, read this.
Big Bad Wolf: [Reading quickly] One day, Little Red Riding Hood, Grandma's house, Wolf ate grandma, 'my, GRandma what big ears you have'!
[Looks at watch]
Big Bad Wolf: Holy cow! I haven't even taken care of Grandma yet!
Big Bad Wolf: [Running into Granny's house] Alright, Grandma! Out! Get a move on! Hit the bricks, sister!
Granny: Land's sakes, Wolfie; ain't you gonna eat me?
Big Bad Wolf: No time for that, Granny; get moving, shake a leg.
Granny: Can't a body even get her shawl on? Stop that, Wolf!
[Suitcase flies across the room, knocking Granny through the door]

Bugs Bunny: [after completing his revenge on the wolf; to the wolf] Serves you right. Blowing down my houses.
Big Bad Wolf: Not your houses. The pigs' houses. I got to do what it says in the book.
Bugs Bunny: [Realizing] Oh, I get it. It's those pigs' houses.


Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011)
Granny Puckett: Wolf, think you can handle a bike like this?
The Big Bad Wolf: Sure, I think I could if I had to, I went through my bad boy phase. Rode a bike, greased my hair back, lived over Richie Cunningham's garage, water skied over a shark tank. Those were some Happy Days.

The Big Bad Wolf: I just got back from Con Con, the con man's convention. I show up, nobody there! Empty building! Guess I should have seen that one coming.

The Big Bad Wolf: Yeah, my finest hour. I'm shopping the movie rights.

The Big Bad Wolf: Wow, my life just flashed before my eye's. It's weird flashbacks really do add ten pounds.

Granny Puckett: [riding broom stick] I've gotta get me one of these!
The Big Bad Wolf: [holding on behind her] Yeah,it suits you. Lets swing by the hat store and pick up something pointy.

Japeth the Goat: ...Till one day I walked in the path of a motorcycle and got myself in quiet a pickle.
[flies off cliff]
The Big Bad Wolf: I'm uninsured!
Japeth the Goat: And I fell onto a branch, and a pointy rock, and an angry rock climber, and a beaver.
[pauses for a second]
Japeth the Goat: and another beaver.


Three Little Wolves (1936)
Big Bad Wolf: Hey! Cut it out, or Pop will blow your ears off!

Big Bad Wolf: Who's there?
Practical Pig: [as Italian street vendor] Nice, ripe tomato! I'm giving a free sample.
Big Bad Wolf: Free sample? Well, let me have it.
[Gets a tomato in the face]
Big Bad Wolf: Why you little swine! I'll get you!

[Disguised as Bo Peep, the Wolf lures the pigs into his cave, locks the door and swallows the key]
Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: [Blushing] Why, Bo Peep.
Big Bad Wolf: Bo Peep?
[Laughs as he takes off his costume]
Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: The Wolf!

[the Big Bad Wolf is theaching his three cub sons about the anatomy of a pig, with a chart showing such as well as the tasty bits of the creature]
Big Bad Wolf: [showing the chart] Ist das nicht ein sausage meat?
Three Little Wolves: Ja, das ist ein sausage meat.
Big Bad Wolf: Ist das nicht ein pigsen feet?
Three Little Wolves: Ja, das ist ein pigsen feet.
Big Bad Wolf: Ist das gut for schweiner stew?
Three Little Wolves: Dat ist gut for schweiner stew.
Big Bad Wolf: Ist das nicht ein curly cue?
Three Little Wolves: Ja, das ist ein curly cue.
Big Bad Wolf: [showing a second chart of various pig products] Roasted pork, glass of schnapps, ham und eggs, porken chops, pigsen feet, sausage meat, little pigs ist gut to eat.


Little Rural Riding Hood (1949)
[whislting and searching about frantically]
Country Cousin: Howdy do, cousin! Glad to meet ya! Say, where is that Red Riding Hood, huh? Where is she? Hey, Red! Where is that good-lookin' babe? I wanna love her and hug her and kiss her and hug her and...
[City Wolf bangs him on the head with a baseball bat]
City Wolf: Control yourself, cousin. Ms. Riding Hood is not here. You shall meet her this evening at the club. But remember, here in the city we do not shout and whistle at the ladies. Come now. It's top hat and tails, you know.

City Wolf: Oh, I'm terribly sorry, cousin, but this city life is a bit too much for you. I shall have to motor you back to the country.
[he drives Country Cousin back to his home in the country]
Country Red: Eh, howdy, boys.
[City wolf sees Red and goes through the same wild reactions that his country cousin went through; Country Cousin knocks him out with a mallet and puts him back in the car]
Country Cousin: Sorry, cousin. This country life is a bit too much for ya. I guess I'll have to drive ya back to the city!

Country Cousin: Folks, confidentially, I'm not the real grandma. I'm the wolf, see? Now, I'm supposed to eat Red Riding Hood all up, but I ain't a-gonna do it. All I'm going to do is chase her and catch her and kiss her and hug her and love her and hug her and...
[Giggle fit]

Country Cousin: Uh-heh! Kissed a cow.


Red Riding Hoodwinked (1955)
Big Bad Wolf: Now, where was I going? Oh, yeah. Grandma's house!

Big Bad Wolf: G'bye miss... uh? ...Uh? What's that kid's name again?
Sylvester: [whispers] Red Riding Hood.
Big Bad Wolf: Yeah! G'bye... uh-Red Riding Hood?

Big Bad Wolf: Now-now listen pussy-cat, you're-you're muscling in on my racket!


Three Little Pigs (1933)
Wolf: I'm the Fuller Brush man. I'm working me way through college.

Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: Who's there?
Wolf: I'm a poor little sheep with no place to sleep. Please open the door and let me in.
Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: Not by the hair on our chinny-chin-chin. You can't fool us with that old sheepskin.

Wolf: By the hair on your chinny-chin-chin, I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!


Three Little Woodpeckers (1965)
Woody Woodpecker, Splinter, Knothead: [in mocking singsong] Sticks and stones may break my bones...
Splinter: But your huffin'...
Woody Woodpecker: And your puffin'...
Knothead: And your puffin'...
Woody Woodpecker, Splinter, Knothead: Your huffin' and puffin', your puffin' and huffin', your huffin' and puffin'...
Wolf: [annoyed] Aw, shut up!
Woody Woodpecker, Splinter, Knothead: ...will never hurt me-e-e-e!

[repeated line]
Wolf: That was a stupid thing to do!

[repeated line]
Wolf: That was a stupid idea.


Scared Shrekless (2010) (TV)
Donkey: Admit it, Shrek. Weren't you even a little bit scared?
Princess Fiona: Donkey, ogres don't get scared. We do the scaring.
Shrek: And that's why we're the kings of Halloween.
Donkey: I beat we can find something that will scare the pants off you!
Wolf: Which would scare me.
Shrek: Oh, really? And what do you have in mind?
Donkey: All of us telling scary stories all night long. There ain't no way you won't be scared.
Puss in Boots: Yes! Stories to make your blood run cold!
Donkey: Yeah!
Puss in Boots: Stories to terrify you.
Donkey: Yeah!
Puss in Boots: And whoever shall last through the night shall be called the king of Halloween.
Shrek: I accept.
Donkey: We doubly accept.

Shrek: Buckle up, everybody. The quicker I scare the wits out of you, the sooner I can be home, cozy in my bed. Unless anyone else thinks they've got what it takes.
Pinocchio: Oh! Oh! Pick me, pick me! I have a scary story!
Wolf: This isn't the one about you getting trapped in the petting zoo again, is it? 'Cause that's not scary.
Pinocchio: Actually, if you look at it with *my* perspective...
Gingerbread Man: Hey, guess what, Pinocchio, no one cares! Get ready to send these jokers home, Shrek, 'cause I've got a doozy, and it's all true! Ahem. It was a dark and stormy night...

Three Pigs: [as they run away after Gingy's story] Whee, whee, whee!
Wolf: They're gonna do that all the way home. I better go too. They're my ride.


The Wolf Among Us (2013) (VG)
Colin: But no, hate's the wrong word. They fear you more than anything. You ate a lot of people back in your day.
Sheriff 'Bigby' Wolf: I thought we were all supposed to have a fresh start here. I can't change the past.
Colin: Well, you can't change people's memories either. Look, I'm not saying it's fair... but it's real. People are scared of you. I mean, look at your hands.

Grendel: Holly's sister goes missing and no one gives to shits about her. Paperwork, waiting rooms, and that bitch Snow White looking right past me, then ushering me out the fucking door.
[Bigby stands up]
Sheriff 'Bigby' Wolf: I wouldn't call her that. It's happened before and it doesn't end well.
Grendel: I didn't realize you were the bitch of the bitch.
[Bigby hits Gren]
Grendel: That all you got?
Sheriff 'Bigby' Wolf: Seemed to be enough.
Grendel: Don't be so sure.

Bloody Mary: Hi, whatchya got there? Look, it's recently come under our attention that your... How should I put this... attempting to claim what is the personal property of the Crooked Man. He's about yea high, a hundred and twenty odd pounds... Pissed his sheets until he was fourteen... Sound familiar?
Ichabod Crane: I haven't told them anything!
Bloody Mary: Not now, not now, shhhh, the grown ups are talking. Guys?
Sheriff 'Bigby' Wolf: What do you want?
Bloody Mary: That sack of flower, Crane dear, it's crane
Ichabod Crane: It wasn't my fault!
[Got punched by Snow White]
Snow White: Shut. Up. You're interfering with official Fabletown business. Step aside.
Bloody Mary: Tweedle Dee, What's the. Uh, y'know, the thing the Mundies call me?
Dee: Wh - What?
Bloody Mary: My nickname. You know what I'm talking about.
Dee: Uh... Bloody Ma -
[Mary interrupted him]
Bloody Mary: Bloody Mary, that's it, thank you. And do you know why they call me that? Because some of them, they think it's funny to have their little sleepovers and go into their little bathrooms and say my name five times in the mirror. They find it less funny when I actually show up and feed their lungs to the family dog.
[bark's cutely]
Bloody Mary: And I do that for a hobby. Like golf, to relax. This is my job, I like my job. So think about what I'm gonna to do to you, your girl, and the rest of your friends if you don't hand over the SOCKPUPPET NOW!
Sheriff 'Bigby' Wolf: This was really the WRONG DAY TO TRY AND PULL THIS SHIT!
Dee: I told you he'd never just give him up.
[Bloody Mary looks at him and scares him]
Bloody Mary: Fuck it.
Snow White: [after Bigby being shot 7 times] Bigby?
[Bigby's eyes are red and the pupil are getting very small, then he stands up angry and fight back cruelly and furiously]


Red Hot Riding Hood (1943)
Wolf: Fly away with me to the Riviera. It will be such a beautiful thing. I will give you diamonds, pearls, ermine. I will even give you a new set of white sidewall tires.

[opening lines, after quick musical introduction and opening credits]
Narrator: Good evening, kiddies. Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood was skipping through the woods. She was going to her grandmother's house to take grandma a basket of nice goodies. But waiting in the woods was a mean old wolf ready to pounce upon poor Little Red Riding Hood.
Wolf: Oh, stop it! "Waiting in the woods was the mean old wolf ready to pounce on poor Red Riding Hood." I'm fed up with that sissy stuff. It's the same old story over and over. If you can't do this thing a new way, Bud, I quit!
Red: [Little Red Riding Hood throws her basket, to the ground angrily] Me too. Every cartoon studio in Hollywood has done it this way.
Grandma: Yes, I'm plenty sick of it myself.
[All three start complaining at the same time]
Grandma: ...The man smells!
Narrator: Ok! Ok! Alright! We'll do the story a new way!


"Faerie Tale Theatre: The Three Little Pigs (#4.1)" (1985)
Buck Wolf: [to a twittering songbird] Shut up, I'm thinking!

Buck Wolf: [Knocks on the door of Paul's straw house] Alright, pig. Open up.
[pauses]
Buck Wolf: Okay, pig, I'm only gonna say this once. Open the door or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down. Now, whaddya think about that?


The Practical Pig (1939)
Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: [to each other] You're a pork sausage! You're a pork sausage!
Big Bad Wolf: Pork sausage. Ha-ha-ha-ha! Pork pie!

[the Big Bad Wolf gets caught in the Practical Pig's lie detector machine]
Practical Pig: Where are my brothers?
Big Bad Wolf: Your brothers? Never heard of 'em!
[the lie detector detects a lie and washes the wolf's mouth with soap and water]
Practical Pig: Where are my brothers?
Big Bad Wolf: I ain't seen 'em!
[the lie detector detects another lie and spanks the wolf on the rear]
Practical Pig: WHERE ARE MY BROTHERS?
Big Bad Wolf: I ain't...
[He stops and looks at the lie detector, then turns back to Practical and speaks in a calmer voice]
Big Bad Wolf: Now listen, buddy, you got me wrong. Why, I'm your pal.
[the detector detects still another lie and proceeds to punish the wolf more]


Goldilocks and the Jivin' Bears (1944)
Western Union Boy: [reading a telegram] Telegram from Red, quote: sorry Grandmadder can't be there til later, I'm working down at lockheed as a riveter signed Red Riding Hood, end quote.
Big Bad Wolf: Well kill me dead!
[telegramer shoots him]
Big Bad Wolf: [leaps onto a chandelier] What's the matter with you puddin' head?
Western Union Boy: Sorry sir but that's what you said,
[in a fast Rochester voice]
Western Union Boy: that's what he said, that's what the man said, he said that!

Goldilocks: [noticing the wolf in bed with her] Say who are you? you ain't the three old bears!
Big Bad Wolf: You bet I ain't honey but lordy who cares!


Book Revue (1946)
[last lines]
Big Bad Wolf: Stop that dancing up there!... ya sillies.


Shrek the Third (2007)
Donkey: Alright people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
Pinocchio: But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
Gingerbread Man: As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
Wolf: I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
Donkey: Alright, alright, alright. From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.


Shrek 2 (2004)
[first lines]
Prince Charming: Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, and throughout the land everyone was happy, until the sun went down, and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother, who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming. It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep, for he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land, and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her- gasp!
Wolf: What?
Prince Charming: Princess... Fiona?
Wolf: NO!
Prince Charming: Oh, thank heavens! Where is she?
Wolf: She's on her honeymoon.
Prince Charming: Honeymoon? With whom?


Little Red Riding Hood (2009/I) (V)
The Wolf: Fuck the Lumberjack!


"House of Mouse: Big Bad Wolf Daddy (#1.2)" (2001)
Big Bad Wolf: Three little pigs in a blanket.


Now, Hare This (1958)
Big Bad Wolf: What do yous want?
Nephew: Will you tell me the story about Little Red Riding Hood?
Big Bad Wolf: No, I won't tells you no story about no Little Red Riding Hood!


Muppet Classic Theater (1994) (V)
Big Bad Wolf: [approaches the brick house] Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in.
[no answer]
Big Bad Wolf: [persistently] Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in!
[still no answer]
Big Bad Wolf: [clears his throat] You're supposed to say 'not by the hair of my chinny chin-chin'!
Miss Piggy: [opens the door] Are you suggesting that I have facial hair, furball?
Big Bad Wolf: Oh, no, I only meant that...
Miss Piggy: [attacks him] HYAH!
Big Bad Wolf: OW!
[Piggy slams the door on him]


Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
[the Toons gather around Judge Doom's remains]
Mickey Mouse: Gosh, I wonder who he really was?
Bugs Bunny: I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit.
Daffy Duck: Or a duck.
Goofy: Or a dog.
Pinocchio: Or a little wooden boy.
Big Bad Wolf: Or a... sheep.
Woody Woodpecker: Or a woodpecker.
Sylvester: Or a pussy.


Oops, Ups & Downs: The Murder Mystery of Humpty Dumpty (2018)
Mary Mary: Mary Mary: Ogre, who is it?
The Sweet Ogre: Ogre: Who Can Blow The Door Down?
Mary Mary: Mary Mary: "Wolfie!" Of course darling... Ogre, let him in...
Big Bad Wolfe: Italian mobster kiss, two sides Wolfie: Greetings... Mary Mary.
Dexter Houlighan: Dexter Houlighan: Got a hankerin' to do some snooping. Need answers. Look, Flatfoot, I knew Hump and I'm here to pay my respects... that bother you?


Little Red Riding Rabbit (1944)
Wolf: [to the other wolves in Grandma's bed] Come on, come on! Take a powder. This is my racket.


"American Playhouse: Into the Woods (#10.1)" (1991)
Wolf: There's no possible way to describe what you feel... when you're talking to your meal.


Three Little Bops (1957)
Wolf: I'll show those pigs that I'm not stuck. If I can't blow it down, I'll blow it up.


The Big Bad Wolf (1934)
Little Red Riding Hood: Good morning, Grandma. How do you feel today?
Big Bad Wolf: [Normal voice] Terrible.
[clears throat, then speaks in Grandma voice]
Big Bad Wolf: Not so hot, dearie.
Little Red Riding Hood: Ooh, Grandma. What big eyes you've got.
Big Bad Wolf: All the better to look you over, dearie.
Little Red Riding Hood: Ooh, Grandma. What a big nose you've got.
Big Bad Wolf: All the better to...
[A la Jimmy Durante]
Big Bad Wolf: Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha!
[To audience]
Big Bad Wolf: How'm I doin'?
Little Red Riding Hood: Ooh, Grandma. What a big mouth you've got.
Big Bad Wolf: You ain't seen the half of it, dearie!