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Quotes for
Fiona (Character)
from Shrek (2001)

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Shrek (2001)
[Shrek rescues Fiona]
Princess Fiona: What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
Shrek: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
Princess Fiona: [nods] Mmmh-hmm

Princess Fiona: [hears a roar] You didn't slay the dragon?
Shrek: It's on my to-do list, now come on!
Princess Fiona: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying! That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!
[They pass a skeleton of one of the unfortunate victims]
Princess Fiona: That's not the point...!

Donkey: Hi, Princess!
Princess Fiona: It talks!
Shrek: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!

Princess Fiona: [after Shrek and Donkey rescue her] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek: Uh, no...
Princess Fiona: Why not?
Shrek: I... have helmet hair.
Princess Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek: Oh, no, you wouldn't... tst.
Princess Fiona: But... how will you kiss me?
Shrek: [bangs his head] What? That wasn't in the job description!
The Donkey: Maybe it's a perk!
Princess Fiona: No, it's destiny! You must know how it goes! The Knight rescues the Princess, and then they share true love's first kiss...
The Donkey: With Shrek? Whoa, whoa, whoa... you think, you think that Shrek is your true love?
Princess Fiona: Well, yes!
[Shrek and Donkey look at each other and burst into laughter]
Princess Fiona: What is so funny?
Shrek: Let's just say, I'm not your type, all right?

[Shrek burps in front of Donkey and Fiona]
The Donkey: Shrek!
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The Donkey: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess Fiona: Thanks.
The Donkey: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are.

Princess Fiona: Well, when one lives alone, one has to learns these things in case there's...
[points]
Princess Fiona: There's an arrow in your butt!
Shrek: What?
[looks at arrow]
Shrek: Oh, would you look at that?

Princess Fiona: I wanted to show you before...
[turns into an ogre]
Shrek: Well... er... THAT explains a lot.
Lord Farquaad: [revolted] It's disgusting!

Shrek: Fiona? Are you all right?
[Fiona looks at herself, and sees she is still an ogre]
Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek: But you are beautiful.
Donkey: I was hoping this would be a happy ending...
[Shrek and Fiona kiss]

Princess Fiona: Where are you going? The exit's over there!
Shrek: [going to save Donkey] Well, I have to save my ass.
Princess Fiona: [shocked] What kind of knight ARE you?
Shrek: One of a kind.

The Donkey: Wait a minute, I know what's going on. You're afraid of the dark.
Princess Fiona: Why... yes!
The Donkey: Don't worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until... No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.

Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.
Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!

Merry Men: [singing] Ta da, da da da da - whoo!
Monsieur Hood: I steal from the rich and give to the needy...
Merry Man: He takes a wee percentage...
Monsieur Hood: But I'm not greedy - I rescue pretty damsels, man I'm good!
Merry Men: What a guy, ha ha, Monsieur Hood!
Monsieur Hood: Break it down...
[Merry Men Irish step dance]
Monsieur Hood: I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid...
Merry Men: What he's basically saying is he likes to get...
Monsieur Hood: Paid!
Monsieur Hood: So, when an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad.
Merry Man: [joining in] That's bad, that's bad, that's bad!
Monsieur Hood: When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad!
Merry Men: He's mad, he's really, really mad!
Monsieur Hood: Now I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys, 'Cause I'm about to start...
[Fiona swoops in and kicks him - the music stops]
Princess Fiona: Man, that was annoying!

Donkey: Okay, so here's another question: Say there's a woman who digs you, right, but you really don't like her THAT quick - now how do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that?
Princess Fiona: Just tell her she's not your true love!

[Shrek and Fiona are having dinner on the last day of their journey]
Princess Fiona: Mmmm... This is good... mmm... this is really good... what is it?
Shrek: A weed rat, cooked rotisserie style!
Princess Fiona: No kidding... Oh, this is delicious!
Shrek: Well, they're also great in stews. Now I don't mean to brag, but I make a MEAN weedrat stew!
[They both look over at the kingdom of Duloc]
Princess Fiona: I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night...
Shrek: Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime... I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you: swamp toad soup, fish-eye tartar, you name it!
Princess Fiona: I'd like that...
[he sucks up a weedrat tail, and awkwardly laughs. She smiles back at him, and their eyes meet. In the background, a love ballad, "You Belong To Me," plays]
Shrek: Um... Princess?
Princess Fiona: Yes... Shrek?
Shrek: I... um... I was wondering... are you... um... are you going to eat that?
[he makes a gesture of frustration when she isn't looking. She places the weedrat in his hand, and they lean towards each other... ]

Shrek: Um... Fiona?
Princess Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I... I love you.
Princess Fiona: Really?
Shrek: Really, really!
Princess Fiona: Mmmm... I love you too.
[they kiss. Thalonius writes "Awwww" on a cue card for the audience. Fiona floats up in the air and her enchantment breaks in a blaze of light... ]

Princess Fiona: You're an ogre...
Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?
Princess Fiona: Well, yes, actually. Oh... this is wrong. This is all wrong! It's not supposed to be an ogre!

Shrek: Princess, I was SENT to rescue you by Lord Farquad, okay? HE's the one that wants to marry you.
Princess Fiona: Well, why didn't he come to rescue me?
Shrek: Good question! You can ask him that when we get there...
Princess Fiona: But I'm supposed to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre a-a-and his PET!
Donkey: Well, so much for noble steed!
Shrek: Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier...
Princess Fiona: Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You tell Lord "Far-Quad" that if he wants to rescue me PROPERLY, I'll be waiting for him right here!
[sits down]
Shrek: Hey! I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy!
Princess Fiona: You wouldn't dare...!
[Shrek carries her off]
Shrek: You coming, Donkey?
Donkey: Yeah, I'm right behind you.

Princess Fiona: The sooner we get to Duloc, the better!
Donkey: Oh, you gonna love it there, Princess, it's beautiful!
Princess Fiona: And my groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what's he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in SHORT supply.
[chortles]
Donkey: Yeah! Though there are those who think LITTLE of him!
[laughs]

Princess Fiona: Fare thee well, ogre.
[leaves with Farquaad]

[Fiona notices it's sunset]
Princess Fiona: [uneasy] Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
Shrek: No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.
Princess Fiona: But, there's... ROBBERS, in the woods!
Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is definitely starting to sound good!
Shrek: Hey, come on, I'm scarier than anything we're gonna meet in this forest...
Princess Fiona: [in Shrek's face] Find me somewhere to make camp NOW!

Princess Fiona: Shrek? I'm... I'm worried about Donkey, he doesn't look so good...
Donkey: What you talking about? I feel fine!
Princess Fiona: Well, that's what they always say, and then, and then, and then next thing you know you're on your back!
[Donkey leers at Fiona]
Princess Fiona: ...Dead!

Donkey: Princess?... You look... uh... different.
Princess Fiona: [as ogre] I'm UGLY! Okay?
Donkey: Yeah! What was it, something you ate? I told Shrek those weedrats were a bad idea!
Princess Fiona: No. it's... it's been this way as long as I can remember.
Donkey: What d'you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before!
Princess Fiona: It only happens when the sun goes down.
[looks at her reflection in a water barrel]
Princess Fiona: "By night one way, by day another / Thus shall be the norm / Till you receive true love's kiss / then, take love's true form."
Donkey: Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
Princess Fiona: It's a spell! When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this, this horrible ugly beast! I was placed in the tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad before the sun sets, and he sees me... like this.
[starts sobbing]
Donkey: All right, all right, calm down. It's not so bad. You're not that ugly... well, you are. I ain't gonna lie, you ARE ugly. But you only look like this at night, Shrek's ugly 24/7!
Princess Fiona: But Donkey, I'm a princess! And this is not how a princess is supposed to look!
Donkey: How about you don't marry Farquaad?
Princess Fiona: I have to. Only the true love's kiss can break the spell.
Donkey: Well, you're kind of an ogre. And you and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common.
Princess Fiona: Shrek?

[Shrek is hit by an arrow]
Princess Fiona: Oh!... oh, this is all my fault...
Donkey: Why, what's wrong?
Princess Fiona: Shrek's hurt!
Donkey: Shrek's hurt? Shrek's HURT? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay!
Donkey: You can't do this to me, Shrek, I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich...?
Princess Fiona: [grabs Donkey] Donkey, calm down! If you want to help Shrek, go into the forest and look for a blue flower with red thorns.
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns! Okay, I got it! Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Don't die, Shrek, and if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!
Shrek: DONKEY!
Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns!
[runs off]
Shrek: What're the flowers for?
Princess Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.


Shrek 2 (2004)
Princess Fiona: You're acting like a... a...
Shrek: Go on, say it.
Princess Fiona: Like an ogre!
Shrek: Well, guess what? Whether your parents like it or not, I *am* an ogre!
[roars at the dog to shut it up]
Shrek: And guess what, princess? That's not about to change.
Princess Fiona: I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that.
[she leaves]
Donkey: That's real smooth, Shrek. "I'm an ogre! Arrr!"

Princess Fiona: Is that glitter on your lips?
Prince Charming: Mmm, cherry flavored. Want a taste?

Princess Fiona: Shrek?
Puss-in-Boots: For you, baby, I could be.

King: So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...
Shrek: Ogres! Yes!
Queen: Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?
King: Oh, no, no. Of course not! That's assuming you don't eat your own young!
Princess Fiona: Dad!
Shrek: Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who have been locked away in a tower!
Princess Fiona: Shrek, please!
King: I only did that because I love her!
Shrek: Oh, aye! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle!

Queen: So, Fiona. Tell us about where you live.
Princess Fiona: Well, Shrek owns his own land. Don't you, honey?
Shrek: Yes. It's in an... enchanted forest, abundant in squirrels, and cute little duckies...
Donkey: What?
[laughs]
Donkey: I know you ain't talking about the swamp.
Shrek: Donkey!
King: An ogre from a swamp. How original.
Queen: I guess that will be a fine place to raise the children.
[both Shrek and the King choke; Shrek coughs up his spoon]
Shrek: It's a little early to be thinking about that, isn't it?
King: Indeed! I just started eating.

King: Who on earth are they?
Queen: I think that's our little girl!
King: That's not little, that's a really big problem! Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?
Queen: Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look...
Shrek: Happy now? We came, we saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches!
Princess Fiona: But they're my parents!
Shrek: Hello, they locked you in a tower!
Princess Fiona: Hey, that was for my own...
King: Good! Now's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home.
Queen: Harold! We have to be...
Shrek: Quick, while they're not looking, we can make a run for it!
Princess Fiona: Shrek! Stop it! Everything is going to be...
King: A disaster! There's no way...
Princess Fiona: You can do this.
Shrek: But I really...
King: Really...
Queen: Really...
Shrek: Don't...
Princess Fiona: Want...
Queen: To...
Shrek: Be...
King: He-ere.

[Shrek, Fiona, Fiona's Mom and Dad and Donkey are arguing at the table]
Queen: Harold!
Princess Fiona: Shrek!
Shrek: Fiona...
King: Fiona!
Princess Fiona: Mom!
Queen: Harold!
Donkey: [happily] Donkey!

[Harold takes the spell meant for Shrek, and is blasted until only his armour remains]
Princess Fiona: Oh, Dad...
Queen: Harold...
Pinocchio: Is he... oh...
[there's a "ribbit"]
Gingerbread Man: He croaked...
[Harold, the Frog King, clambers out of his armour]
Queen: ...Harold?
Princess Fiona: ...Dad?
King: [sighs] I had hoped you would never see me like this...
Donkey: [to Shrek] Huh - and he gave *you* a hard time!
Shrek: Donkey!
King: No, no, he's right - I'm sorry, to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it. Shrek, Fiona - will you accept an old frog's apologies, and my blessing?
[Shrek and Fiona bow their heads in assent]
Queen: Harold...
King: I'm sorry, Lillian - I just wish I could be the man that you deserve...
Queen: [taking him in her hand] You're more that man today than you ever were - warts and all...

Princess Fiona: I want what any princess wants - to live happily ever after... with the *ogre* I married.

[King Harold turns up with two cups of tea - the one for Fiona filed with love potion... ]
King: Darling? Ah, I thought I might find you here - how about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball...
Princess Fiona: I'm not going.
King: B-b-but the whole kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage!
Princess Fiona: There's just one problem - that's not my husband. I mean, look at him!
[they both watch Charming, showing off in front of everyone]
King: Yes, he is a bit different, but people do change for the ones they love - you'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother...
Princess Fiona: *Change*? He's completely lost his mind!
King: Darling, why not come down to the ball and give him another chance - I mean, you might find you like this new Shrek...
Princess Fiona: But it's the *old* one I fell in love with, Dad - I'd give anything to have him back...
[she reaches for her tea... ]
King: [taking her cup] Darling, that's mine! Decaf... otherwise I'm up all night!
[Fiona drinks the normal cup of tea]

King: [Donkey sits at the table] No, no! Bad donkey! Bad! Down!
Princess Fiona: Dad, it's alright, it's alright. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the dragon.
Donkey: Yup, that's me, the noble steed. Hey waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed?

Princess Fiona: They just want to give us their blessing.
Shrek: Oh, great! Now I need their blessing?
Princess Fiona: Well, if you want to be part of this family, yes.
Shrek: Who said I want to be part of this family?
Princess Fiona: Uh... you did? When you married me?
Shrek: Well, there's some fine print for ya.


Shrek the Third (2007)
Snow White: Right! Ladies, assume the position!
[Sleeping Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down in her coffin pose, and Cinderella seats herself on the floor gazing dreamily into space]
Princess Fiona: What are you doing?
Sleeping Beauty: [Snaps awake] Waiting to be rescued.
[falls back asleep]

Queen Lillian: [smashes wall with her head]
Princess Fiona: Mom?
Queen Lillian: What? You didn't think you inherited your fighting skills from your father?

Princess Fiona: [after learning that Rapunzel is dating Prince Charming] Rapunzel! How could you?
Rapunzel: Jealous, much?

Shrek: Good morning.
Princess Fiona: Good morning. Ooh, morning breath.
Shrek: Yeah. Isn't it wonderful?


Shrek Forever After (2010)
[last lines]
Shrek: You know, I always thought I'd rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
Princess Fiona: You did.
Shrek: No. It was you who rescued me.

Princess Fiona: And when the smoke clears... Wait, what's this?
Cookie: That's my chimichanga stand.
Princess Fiona: Um, no, Cookie. We won't be needing that.
Cookie: Trust me, Fiona. Y'all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, OK? Now go and finish your little speech.

[Shrek stormed out of the party and Fiona follows him outside]
Princess Fiona: Unbelievable!
Shrek: Tell me about it! Those villagers are...
Princess Fiona: I'm not talking about the villagers, Shrek. I'm talking about you! Is this really how you want to remember the kids' first birthday?
Shrek: Oh great, so this is all my fault!
Princess Fiona: Yes! But, you know what? Let's talk about this after the party at home.
Shrek: You mean that roadside attraction we live in? STEP RIGHT UP! SEE THE DANCING OGRE! DON'T WORRY, HE WON'T BITE! I used to be an ogre. Now, I'm just a jolly green joke!
Princess Fiona: Okay okay, maybe you're not the ogre you used to be, but maybe that's not such a bad thing!
Shrek: Ah, I wouldn't expect you to understand. It's not like you're a real ogre. You spent half your life in a palace.
Princess Fiona: And the other half locked away in a tower!
Shrek: [sigh] Look, all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be. Back when the villagers were afraid of me and I can take a mudbath in peace. When I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it. Back when the world made sense!
Princess Fiona: You mean back before you rescued me from the dragon's keep?
Shrek: Exactly!
Princess Fiona: [looks at Shrek in shock] Shrek. You have three beautiful children. A wife who loves you. Friends who adore you. You have everything! Why is it that the only person who can't see that is you?
[Fiona goes back inside for the party]
Shrek: That's just great!
[walks away]


Shrek the Halls (2007) (TV)
Princess Fiona: I have to go back to the house now.
Shrek: I'm surprised we still have a house to go back to.

Princess Fiona: [about Shrek's decorations] It's beautiful.
Shrek: It's passable.
Donkey: It's horrible! Usually they just throw toilet paper and run away, but whoever did this means business!


Scared Shrekless (2010) (TV)
Shrek: Oh, wow. Terrifying. I don't know how I'm gonna sleep now.
Princess Fiona: Happy Halloween, everyone.
Donkey: Oh, man.
Gingerbread Man: [to Donkey] I thought you said this was gonna scare 'em.

Donkey: Admit it, Shrek. Weren't you even a little bit scared?
Princess Fiona: Donkey, ogres don't get scared. We do the scaring.
Shrek: And that's why we're the kings of Halloween.
Donkey: I beat we can find something that will scare the pants off you!
Wolf: Which would scare me.
Shrek: Oh, really? And what do you have in mind?
Donkey: All of us telling scary stories all night long. There ain't no way you won't be scared.
Puss in Boots: Yes! Stories to make your blood run cold!
Donkey: Yeah!
Puss in Boots: Stories to terrify you.
Donkey: Yeah!
Puss in Boots: And whoever shall last through the night shall be called the king of Halloween.
Shrek: I accept.
Donkey: We doubly accept.


Shrek the Musical (2013)
Fiona: [seizes a crown and puts it on] All this hocus pocus alters nothing! This marriage is binding and that makes me king. See? See? As for YOU, my wife, I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!
Lord Farquaad: No! Actually, you won't!
[whistles. Farquaad does not notice the low growling of the dragon outside]
Fiona: What are you doing, you insolent beast? I'll see you drawn and quartered! I am king! I'll have order!
[the dragon breaks through the window and breathes fire at Farquaad, roasting him]


Thriller Night (2011)
Princess Fiona: Honey, are you okay? I've never heard you scream like that before!
Donkey: Yeah, what's the matter with you, man? What kind of person screams when they see a Sister dance?
Shrek: It's Halloween, for Pete's sake! That's not the kind of thing I want to see tonight!


Shrek 4-D (2003)
Ghost of Farquaad: You might as well stop struggling, Princess. Soon you and I will be together forever. With you as my spirit-queen, I'll be King of the Underworld.
Princess Fiona: Over my dead body.
Ghost of Farquaad: Exactly.