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[after pushing Edna down the stairs
: You know what they say: "To save the world, you have to push a few old ladies down the stairs."
: How's Dr. Fred? Edna Edison
: He's doing much better now that he's stopped sleepwalking. Bernard
: How did he stop sleepwalking? Edna Edison
: He stopped sleeping.
: This is all your fault Bernard. Dr. Fred
: Behold, children! The Chron-O-John! Hoagie
: Doc, can't you just send Bernard? Dr. Fred
: No, you must all go to increase the odds that one of you will make it there alive. Bernard
: Has any people even been hurt in this thing? Dr. Fred
: Of course not! This is the first time, I never tried it on people.
[Bernard has accidentally let Purple Tentacle escape
] Dr. Fred
: Leaping labrats! Bernard
: Dr. Fred! Dr. Fred
: What have you done this time, you meddling milquetoast? Now Purple Tentacle is free to use his evil mutant powers to take over the world, and ENSLAVE ALL HUMANITY! Bernard
: Well, what possible harm could one insane, mutant tentacle do?
[Bernard, Laverne and Hoagie have been fused together
] Dr. Fred
: Well, kiddies, it's been more fun than a jump-suit full of weasels. Now kindly get your freekish hide out of my home! Bernard
: Please, Dr. Fred! You've got to get us out of this mess! We look terrible! And we can't buy clothes of the rack! Laverne
: I'm getting sort of used to it. Maybe we could go on the talkshow circuit. Bernard
: [Long pause
] Help us, Dr. Edison. You're our only hope!
[Purple Tentacle drank water from a polluted river, and has transformed into an insane criminal genius who wants to conquer the world
] Dr. Fred
: Our only hope now is to turn off my Sludge-O-Matic machine and prevent the toxic mutagen from entering the river! Bernard
: Isn't it a little late for that, Doctor? Dr. Fred
: Of course! That's why I'll have to do it... yesterday! To the time machine!
: Just what is it you have against humans anyway? Purple Tentacle
: Humans are our oppressors! They made us live in this horrible motel! They created us in ungainly forms so we could not rise against them! Try walking around with your legs tied together and glue on your shoes, you'll see what I mean!
: Hey, Dr. Fred! We have to DO something! Dr. Fred
: What do you suggest, college boy? No diamond for the central unit, no power for the Chron-O-Johns, a mutant monster of my own creation roaming the countryside, taking over the world! It's a dark day for mad science. Bernard
: What if we unpollute the river? Dr. Fred
: I could just shut off my Sludge-O-Matic, but it is too late... Bernard
: You have a machine whose sole function is producing toxic waste? Dr. Fred
: You can't have a high-tech laboratory like this and NOT spew poisonous filth! All the other mad scientists would laugh!
: [Unties the tentacles
] There, you're free to go. Green Tentacle
: Thanks, Bernard! Purple Tentacle
: Yes. Thank you, naive human. Now, I can finish taking over the world!
[Purple Tentacle leaves
] Green Tentacle
: Wait! Bernard
: Oh yeah. Now I remember. He's incredibly evil, isn't he? Green Tentacle
: Uhhh... I'll try to talk him out of it.
: Sometimes I do stupid stuff, and I don't even know why. As if my body were being controlled by some demented, sadistic puppet master.