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: Everyone - this is Keevan. We're gonna trade him for Ishka. Rom
: Hi. I'm Rom. This is Nog, that's Brunt... Quark
: Rom! He doesn't care. Keevan
: Truer words have never been spoken. I'll advise you all to send final messages to your loved ones, and make sure your wills are in order. Rom
: Why? Keevan
: Because the moment we leave the station you'll have signed your death warrants. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take a nap.
: I'm putting together a little rescue mission, and I'd like you to be part of my team. Leck
: I work alone. Quark
: You'll be paid in latinum. Leck
: I don't care about latinum. Rom
: You're right, his priorities *are* different.
[in a starbase jail
: How the mighty have fallen. Gaila
: Cousin Quark. Quark
: I heard you were arrested on Thalos VI, for vagrancy. Gaila
: That's all your fault. I was a thriving weapons merchant - until I went into business with you. You ruined me. If I ever get out of here, Cousin, I'll make you pay for what you did to me. Quark
: [to security officer
] Lower the force field.
[the force field drops; Quark grabs Gaila by his collar
: Now what exactly is it you were you gonna do to me? Gaila
: I don't understand. Rom
: Quark paid your fine. You're a free man. Gaila
: What do I have to do in return? Quark
: Earn some latinum. Gaila
] Tell me more.
: You're gonna tell your helmsman to head back to Dominion territory, warp 9. Yelgrun
: That would leave me stranded here. Quark
: For a few days. Yelgrun
: I see, and by the time they return, you'll be long gone. Quark
: That's the idea. Yelgrun
: On the other hand I could have my Jem'Hadar storm the infirmary and kill you all. Rom
: I like our plan better.
: One more thing. How do we know that's really Moogie and not a changeling? Ishka
: I think that uniform is too tight on you, Nog. It's cutting off circulation to your brain! Rom
: Sounds like Moogie.
[Nog has cut Ishka with a knife to verify she is not a changeling
: Now let's see if you're a changeling!
[grabs Nog by his ear and beats him on the head
: That's no way to tell if he's a changeling! Ishka
: You're right. Give me that knife!
: There you are! I've been looking all over the station for you. Rom
: Well, you found me. Now you go hide, and I'll search for you!
: I can't go with you. I'm a married man. I have responsibilities, and my responsibilities don't want me to die. Quark
: I don't want to die either. So let's just concentrate on the reward the Nagus is offering. Rom
: Reward? Quark
: Fifty bars of gold-pressed latinum. Rom
: Fifty bars!
[knocks his head on the ceiling
: Ow! Quark
: Which I'm willing to share with you. Rom
: An even split? Quark
: Absolutely! Thirty bars for me, and twenty for you. Rom
: That's not even! Quark
: It is when you include my finder's fee.
: It's about the Nagus and Moogie. Rom
: What about them? Quark
: They're lovers. Rom
: Nooo. Quark
: It's been going on for over a year. Rom
: Nooooo. Quark
: She's his secret financial adviser. She helps him run the entire Ferengi Alliance. Rom
: Nooooooo! Quark
: Would you stop saying that?
: [after adding Brunt to their team
] Now we are six.
[the Ferengi have simulated a battle with Jem'Hadar, rather unsuccessfully
: I think we're getting better. Nog
: No, you're not. This is the eighth run-through, and you haven't been able to hit a single Jem'Hadar. Nog
: [to Leck
] And you shot Moogie! Leck
: I saw we weren't gonna rescue her, so I put her out of her misery.
: How can we be sure these schematics are accurate? Nog
: 'Sir'. Leck
: Oh, no need to stand on formality here. Just call me Leck. Nog
: No, I meant you should call me 'Sir'. Leck
: Don't be ridiculous. Nog
: You mean 'Don't be ridiculous, Sir'. Quark
: Gentleman, please let's not squabble. We're a team Nog. Rom
: [corrects him
] We're a team, sir. Quark
: Stay out of this.
] My son, the soldier! Quark
: They've ruined him.
: No one's hiding and no one's escaping and no one's surrendering! What's wrong with you people? Have you forgotten the Battle of Prexnak? Rom
: Who could forget the most important battle in Ferengi history? Quark
: Ten Ferengi stood alone against 273 Lytasians. Gaila
: As I recall, all ten Ferengi were slaughtered. Quark
: The point is, we Ferengi are just as tough as anyone in the galaxy. And this is our chance to prove it, once and for all. Leck
: Quark's right. Let's do it for Ishka. Let's do it for the Grand Nagus. Let's do it for Ferengis everywhere! Brunt
: Let's do it for equal shares of fifty bars of gold-pressed latinum! Quark
: It always comes down to profit with you people, doesn't it? Gaila
: We're Ferengi. Quark
: And that's why I love you! Fifty bars it is, minus my usual finder's fee.
[after a long crawl through the access tunnels, Quark and Rom emerge through a panel - into Sisko's office
] Captain Sisko
: May I help you, gentlemen? Rom
: [to Quark
] I was following you. Quark
: Must have taken a wrong turn. Captain Sisko
] It looks that way.
: In a half-hour, we'll have Moogie back and we can all go home.
[everyone sighs with relief
: Home - to the torrential rains of Ferenginar. Brunt
: You know what I miss most? The rotting vegetation. Quark
: Yep. Rom
: And the dampness. Leck
: Oh, to stand once more in those rivers of muck. Keevan
: Oh, I only wish I could be there with you.
: So, Brother, how does it feel to be a... hero? Quark
: You tell me. Rom
: It feels... good? Quark
] You bet it does!
: [to Keevan
] You don't seem to be too happy at the prospect of rejoining your people. Keevan
: Believe me when I tell you I have nothing to be happy about. Vorta are supposed to commit suicide when they're captured. I failed to follow that rather harsh policy. Rom
: They're going to execute you? Keevan
: After what is surely going to be a most unpleasant debriefing.
: I've reconsidered it. My decision stands. Rom
: But brother... Quark
: *Don't* "brother" me! In this bar, you are not my brother. You're my employee. And employees have no right to question the management's decisions!
: Rom, we shouldn't be fighting. We're brothers. Rom
: Not when it comes to business. We're nothing but employer and employee. You've said so yourself. Quark
: I was wrong. Rom
: No. You weren't.
: Rom, you have to listen to me. The FCA does not answer to anyone. And if Brunt decides to get rid of you, I won't be able to stop him. Rom
: Look at it this way: if Brunt gets rid of me, then all your problems are solved - you always said you wanted to be an only child!
: You never cared what happened to me before. Quark
: I always cared about you. I tried to protect you, save you from yourself. Rom
: How? By telling me I was an idiot my whole life? Quark
: I had to be tough on you; I was trying to make you a better Ferengi. Rom
: What you were trying to do was make yourself feel important. Making me feel dumb made you feel smart. But I'm not dumb! And you're not half as smart as you think you are!
: [reading from Marx's Manifesto
] "Workers of the world, unite. You have nothing to lose but your chains."
: [of Leeta
] She kissed me! Quark
: There's no accounting for taste.
[Bashir has suggested to Rom to form a bargaining association to prevent exploitation
: You don't understand. Ferengi workers don't want to stop the exploitation, we want to find a way to become the exploiters. Doctor Bashir
: Suit yourself. But I don't see *you* exploiting anyone.
: We're going to form... a union!
: It won't happen, unless you make it happen.
: [about his ancestor Sean O'Brien
] You know, he had the biggest funeral in all of Western Pennsylvania. Rom
] Funeral? Chief O'Brien
: Mm. They fished his body out of the Allegheny River, a week before the strike ended. 32 bullets he had in him. Or was it 34? Doctor Bashir
: Well - he died a hero. Chief O'Brien
: He was more than a hero. He was a union man!
[Rom hands out slips of latinum to potential customers of Quark's bar
: Thank you for not patronizing Quark's - Thank you for not patronizing Quark's - Thank you for not patronizing Quark's... Leeta
: I hope Rom's voice holds out. Grimp
: I hope our latinum holds out.
: [Rule of Acquisition #263
] Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
[Rom has decided to quit his job at Quark's
: [to Quark
] Think about it, from my point of view: if I keep working for you, all I have to look forward to is waiting for you to die, so I can inherit the bar. Rom
] Well, I don't want you to die.
[the Ferengi are in trouble, as their ship keeps accelerating and is about to be ripped apart
: The kemocite! If we vent plasma from the warp core into the cargo hold, we may be able to start a cascade reaction in the kemocite. Then we can modulate the reaction to create an inversion wave in the warp field and force the ship back into normal space. If I time it just right, I should be able to get us close enough to Earth to make an emergency landing. Quark
: Rom! You're a genius! Rom
: Think so? Quark
: How should I know? I have no idea what you're talking about.
[Quark's cousin has tried to kill him earlier
: I'm innocent! I tell you, this is all a misunderstanding. Rom, get me a lawyer! Rom
: I'll contact cousin Gaila. I'm sure he'll know a good one. Quark
: [as he's being dragged away
] ROM, YOU IDIOT! Rom
: See you in a few weeks, brother.
[waves after him, smiling
: All right everyone, gather around. We're about to start.
: Father, have you ever heard of the Bell riots? Rom
: Don't bother me now. Nog
: But doesn't this Gabriel Bell Human look just like Captain Sisko?
[He shows Rom a picture of Bell
: All Humans look alike.
[Rom reveals that he found out about Quark smuggling kemocite
: What tipped you off? Rom
: When I engaged the impulse engines, I noticed the ship's weight distribution was a little off. So the last time you went to waste extraction, I snuck back to the cargo bay and took a look around. Quark
: Where did you get to be so smart? Rom
: I've always been smart, brother; I've just lacked self-confidence. Of course... I could forget everything I saw. Quark
: How much? Rom
: Twenty percent of the profits. Quark
: [to Nog
] I suppose you'll want a cut too? Nog
: As a Starfleet cadet it's my duty to report any violation of Federation law to my superiors immediately. But then again, I haven't been sworn in yet. I'll take ten percent!
: What's that disgusting smell? Nog
: I think it's called tobacco. It's a deadly drug. When used frequently, it destroys the internal organs. Quark
: If it's so deadly, then why do they use it? Nog
: It's also highly addictive. Rom
: How do they get their hands on it? Nog
: They buy it in stores. Quark
] They buy? If they buy poison they'll buy anything. I think I'm gonna like it here.
[Quark intends to stay on 20th century Earth
: But brother, what about the bar? Quark
: Who cares about the bar? I'm telling you, Rom, we stay here, and inside of a year we'll be running this place. Rom
: You mean the military base? Quark
: I mean the whole planet!
: Let me get this straight, Rom; are you saying that all the women on your world walk around naked? Rom
: Uhuh... It's the law. Jeff Carlson
: You don't say. Nurse Garland
: Well, I guess I'm never going to visit your world. Nurse Garland
: [to Carlson
] And neither are you!
: We gotta get you out of here. Rom
: Won't you get in trouble for this? Quark
: Why should they? We forced them to help us by using our, erm... Nurse Garland
: Your insidious mind control powers? Quark
] That's not bad.
: I only hope that one day mankind will travel to the stars and take its place in the vast Alliance of Planets. Rom
: "Federation" of Planets. Nurse Garland
: Excuse me? Quark
: Er... don't pay any attention to him, he's an idiot!
: Maybe we are dead. Quark
: What're you talking about? Rom
: Maybe this is the Divine Treasury. Quark
: Oh, don't be ridiculous, the Divine Treasury is made of pure latinum. Besides, where is the Blessed Exchequer? Where are the Celestial Auctioneers? And why aren't we bidding for our new lives, hmm? Rom
: You don't think we're in the other place? Nog
: The Vault of Eternal Destitution?
: [203rd Rule of Acquisition
] New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
[Grand Nagus Zek has revised the Rules of Acquisition
: Rom, do you know what this means? Rom
: Yes. It means we're gonna have to memorize a whole new set of rules.
[Quark and Rom are trying to make sense of the new Rules
: It must be some kind of code. Read me the first word of every Rule. Rom
: [flipping through the first Rules
] "If"... "Never"... "Keep"... "Profit"... "A"... "Good"... "Smile"... "Honesty"...
[Quark interrupts him with a shout, then repeats the words
: "If never keep profit a good smile honesty." Rom
: What does it mean, Brother? Quark
: It means... absolutely nothing!
: I have an idea. Rom
: Does it involve me? Quark
: Not really. Rom
: Aah. I like it.
: When the Nagus feels ready, he'll inform us of his plans, but until then, we have to act as if we know nothing. Rom
: I can do that!
: What does Zek want with me? Rom
: Looks like he's moving in with you, Brother.
: #10: Greed is dead.
: #21: Never place profit before friendship.
: #22: Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever.
: #23: Money can never replace dignity.
: #285: A good deed is its own reward.
[Zek has been restored to his former self, with some help from Quark
: There's only one thing that bothers me. Now, don't get me wrong, I was honored to help the Nagus; but it would've been nice if I'd been able to make a little profit for my troubles. Rom
: That's all right. I made enough profit for the both of us. Quark
: What're you talking about? Rom
: I'm talking about the Ferengi Benevolent Association. Did you know it was funded with Zek's personal fortune? I was the senior administrator, Brother. Quark
: You embezzled money, from the Nagus? Rom
: Surprise! Quark
: Father would be proud!
[Rom and Quark are toiling away carrying something invisible
: I told you, cloaking the cloaking device was a good idea. Quark
: Brilliant. But couldn't you have done something about its weight? Rom
: Uuh... nope. But if it makes you feel any better, the cloaking device on the Defiant is a lot heavier. Quark
: Tell it to my hernia.
: [about alternate Brunt
] He's so nice... Quark
: Scary, isn't it?
[Ezri Tigan, Quark and Rom arrive in the alternate universe
: It didn't work. Ezri Tigan
: Yes, it did. We're on Terok Nor. Rom
: It looks like Deep Space Nine to me. Quark
: I suppose a cargo bay is a cargo bay, no matter what universe you're in.
: I can't believe it - Julian just shot Vic Fontaine! Rom
: I thought Vic was his favorite singer. No wonder they call it the "alternate" universe.
: I'm really beginning to hate this universe!
: You shouldn't have killed Brunt. Intendant Kira
: Isn't it a little late to be developing a conscience? Ezri Tigan
: I hope not. Zek
: Brunt's dead? Rom
: Sorry - wrong Brunt.
: I still don't understand why you'd want to come here in the first place. Zek
: Simple, really. I came to find new financial opportunities for the Ferengi people. Rom
: In the alternate universe? Zek
: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
[Rom and Leeta are looking at one of many potential wedding dresses for Leeta
: What do you think? Leeta
: I don't know. What do you think? Rom
: I like it. Don't you? Leeta
: Rom, it's two handkerchiefs and a loin cloth! Rom
: I suppose we could lose the handkerchiefs.
: We've barely finished saying our vows - and we're already having our first fight. We're really married!
: Did you think you could just walk back in here and get your old job back? Rom
: Actually I'm a spy, working for Starfleet. But don't tell anyone! Quark
: Federation's more desperate than I thought.
[Jake has decided to stay behind on the station
] Jake Sisko
: There's a war going on, and... I'm a reporter. This's where I belong. Rom
: But you're not safe here. Jake Sisko
: The Dominion knows I'm the Emissary's son. If they hurt me, they risk alienating their new friends, the Bajorans. Rom
: I hope you're right. Jake Sisko
: So do I.
: You've got to go, Leeta. The problems of two newlyweds are but a small thread in the tapestry of galactic events. You might not understand that today, or even tomorrow. Someday you will. So get on that shuttle, and don't look back.
: Captain! Can we speak to you for a moment? Rom
: If you're not too busy. Captain Sisko
: Rom, go ahead. Rom
: Would you marry me? I mean... us. I mean... would YOU... perform OUR... wedding ceremony?
: They're not keeping him alive by artificial means, are they? My brother wouldn't want that. Odo
: No, he's clinging to life all on his own. Rom
: Close your eyes, take a deep breath. Clear your mind of everything in it - if there's anything there... Breathe... breathe... Now, what do you see? Rom
: T-the bar! Odo
: Yes? Rom
: With my name on it. Odo
: The past, Rom, not the future.
: There's a list of names, Bajoran names, the one at the very top catches your eye, and the first letter is...? Rom
: C. It's a C. Odo
: And the next letter is...? Rom
: Uuuhh, I... Odo
: Skip to the last letter in the name, Rom. Rom
: O! It's an O! Odo
: Starts with a C, ends with an O. Rom
: And, and there's a mark in the name... Odo
: An apostrophe? Rom
: Ches'so! Odo
: You're sure? Rom
: Yes! Odo
: Aaahh! Rom
: Now, when we get to the entrance, you stay flat against the wall. It's a pulsatel lockseal. I can get it to release in 25 seconds. Rom
: 25 seconds? But somebody will see us. Let me do it! Quark
: You? Ha! We'd be at it all night. Rom
: All night? M... n... no. Only about ten seconds. Quark
: How would you get a pulsatel lockseal to release in ten seconds? Rom
: You have one on the storeroom door. Quark
: So? Rom
: Sometimes, when you forget to leave me the de-sealer, I... have to get the storeroom open. Quark
: You've unsealed the storeroom without my knowledge? Rom
: Only to serve the customer's needs. Quark
: In ten seconds? Rom
: You forget fairly often.
[Quark has been shot in his bar
: He's dying, isn't he? He's dying! What am I gonna do if my brother dies? Odo
: Do? Oh, you'll have a lot to do once this place is yours. Rom
: But if he dies...
: Mine? Odo
: "Wives serve, brothers inherit". Rule of Acquisition number 139, if I'm not mistaken. Rom
: I hadn't thought of that. Odo
: Really? I had. Because it's a solid motive for murder. Rom
: Yes, actually. I have heard of a few untimely deaths, that seemed...
: Wait a minute. You're not suggesting that I... Odo
: I've had my eye on you for a long time, Rom. You're not as stupid as you look. Rom
: I am, too!
: I tried so hard to earn Quark's trust. Now he's dead, and I can never earn his trust!
: When you see how much your body is worth you're gonna wish you died years ago - or something like that...
[the diagnosis turns out to be false
: Do you know what that means, Rom? Rom
: It means you're gonna live! Quark
] It means I get to sue Dr. Orpax for malpractice!
: What's the most important thing in my life? Garak
: Business. Quark
: [to Rom
] That's who I am. That's what I do, I'm a businessman, and more than that, I'm a Ferengi businessman. Do you know what that means? It means that I'm not exploiting and cheating people at random. I'm doing it according to a specific set of rules - the Rules of Acquisition. And I won't disregard them when I find them inconvenient. Rom
: Inconvenient? You're going to die! Quark
: Yes. And when I arrive at the gates of the Divine Treasury, the Registrar will accept my bribe and usher me inside; and do you know why? Because I died exactly the way I lived - as a Ferengi!
: They took everything? Quark
: M-hm - including this shirt. I'm supposed to send it to Brunt in the morning. Rom
: Don't worry. I have some old clothes I was gonna throw out. Quark
: I'd rather be naked.
[the station's personnel is refurnishing Quark's empty bar
: Look at them, brother. And you thought you had no assets. Quark
: Sisko? Dax? Bashir, Morn? The're my assets? Rom
: To name a few. Quark
: I guess you're right. Huh... I need a drink.
: Oh, it's good to see you, son. You look well. Rom
: And you look... dressed! Brunt
: Your mother... is wearing clothes. Quark
: Mother! Get undressed this instant!
: She's been operating under dozens of different aliases, conducting transactions all over the Ferengi Alliance. Do you know what this means? Rom
: It means Moogie's got the lobes for business.
[Quark appears to be in a trance
: Brother?... Is everything all right? Quark
: M-hm. Rom
: I'm so proud of you, Quark. I mean, other people in this situation might overreact and lose their temper, make a bad situation worse. But not my brother, mm-mm. You're too smart for that. You're gonna sit here and study the problem, and then come up with a clear, simple solution. Quark
: [mad smile
] I already have. Rom
: A-haa, you see? I told you! - What is it? Quark
: I'm going to kill her!
: [about his and Quark's father
] He went from one bad deal to the next, one failure after another. He couldn't hold on to latinum if you sewed it into his pants!
: Quark, sometimes you can be so thick-headed! Rom
: Now, Moogie, there's no need to be insulting... Ishka
: Of course there is!
: Now I know we're doomed. Rom
: Why, brother? Quark
: Rule of Acquisition 286: When Morn leaves, it's all over. Rom
: There is no such rule. Quark
: There should be.
: Business is dropping off again. Rom
: Money isn't everything. Quark
: If father were alive, he'd wash your mouth out with galcor.
: But what about Kozak's family? What if they come here for revenge? Quark
: If that happens, I'll stand up, look them straight in the eye - and offer them a bribe.
: You can't buy respect, brother. And that's what you have now, respect. That's what you wanted, isn't it. Quark
: Respect... is good. But latinum's better.
[O'Brien prepares Rom for a secret mission and urges him to talk to no one about it
: Culpable deniability - I understand. Don't worry about me, Chief; my lips are sealed. Nobody will get anything out of me, not even my name! O'Brien
: Rom - everybody on the station knows your name. Rom
] Right... But I won't confirm it!
: Captain Sisko, Odo, they don't know about any of this, do they? O'Brien
: No. No, they don't. And I want you to help me keep it that way for a little while longer. Rom
: I have to stay here and play the idiot? O'Brien
: I'm afraid so. And no matter what Odo asks you... Rom
: I'm Quark's brother. I know the role.
[Rom comes into the bar after his night shift. Quark places a bowl with some sort of mash in front of him without comment
: What's this? Quark
: What do you mean, 'what's this'? It's puree of beetle. Rom
: I didn't order it. Quark
: Of course you didn't order it; you don't need to order it. You have it after work every morning!
: So, what are you drinking? Whatley
: Raktajino. Rom
: Great! Is that what we drink on the swing shift? Whatley
: You can drink anything you want. Rom
: I'll have a raktajino.
[he goes to the replicator
: It's not like this on a night shift. We don't drink raktajino. We really don't drink anything... Whatley
: Moogieee! I was so worried! Ishka
: You're a good son. Quark
: I was worried too. Ishka
: And you're a good liar!
: Nagus? You remember my son Nog, don't you? He's the first Ferengi to join Starfleet. Zek
: I'll try not to hold that against him.
: A Dominion invasion of Ferenginar? Rom
: Think of the terrible repercussions to the Alpha Quadrant! Lt. Commander Worf
: I cannot think of any.
: Rom may make a better female than you, but when it comes to business, you're the better Ferengi. Quark
: [to Rom
] Looks like your stupidity has saved you again. Rom
: It comes in handy sometimes.
: We're trying out. What about you? Quark
: I don't have the slightest interest in this... Human game. Leeta
] You know why? Jake says it's a game that takes heart. And you sold yours a long time ago.
: I got it! I got it! I got it!
[lets the ball drop behind him
: If you have some time, one day - maybe you can teach me how to bunt. Rom
: Sure! Rom
: [to Leeta
] What's a bunt?
[Rom has returned a beautiful woman's lost wallet
: You worthless tiny-eared fool! Don't you know the First Rule of Acquisition? Rom
: Yes, brother. Quark
: Then say it! Rom
: "Once you have their money, you never give it back."
: So, Rom, you were gonna toss me out an airlock? Rom
: Forgive me, Brother. Quark
: Forgive you! Why, brother, I didn't think you had the lobes! Such wonderful treachery deserves a reward. I'm gonna make you the assistant manager of policy and clientele here at Quark's. Rom
: W-what exactly does that mean? Quark
: How should I know? Just made it up.
: [1st Rule of Acquisition
] Once you have their money, you never give it back.
: The only reason they haven't killed me yet is that I'm part of their victory celebration. Seven o'clock: Dukat makes a speech. 8:30: Cake and raktajino. 8:45: Execute the Ferengi!
: Brother! I knew you would come! Quark
: It's a surprise to me.
: You've been promoted? Nog
: I'm an engineer. Rom
: We'll be working together! Nog
: Actually you'll be working for me!
: Did you know this Congress of Economic Meddlers actually passed legislation, making monopolies illegal? What's the point of being in business if you can't corner the market, gouge your customers? Rom
: There's something to be said for keeping prices down by ensuring healthy competition. So - what're you gonna do with the bar? Quark
: You can't even dump industrial waste anymore because it might harm the natural habitat. I'm supposed to start worrying about animals now. Look how they live, wallowing in dirt, sleeping in trees. That's not natural! Rom
: I suppose you could argue that Ferenginar's biodiversity is a precious resource that belongs to everyone. So... what are you going to do with the bar? Quark
: And don't even get me started about this whole 'labor rights' thing. What have we come to if you can't demand sexual favors from the people in your employ? Rom
: Unharassed workers are productive workers. So, what-are-you-going-to-do-with-the-bar?
[Rom willingly relinquishes the bar to Quark, after buying it earlier from him
: I suppose you're gonna let me keep the 5000 bars of latinum too? Rom
: You're my brother. Quark
: And you're an idiot! But I love you.
[Rom's last line of the series
: "Females and finances don't mix" - Rule of Acquisition 94.
[Sisko and Odo find Rom very distraught
: [explaining to Sisko
] The wedding is off. Captain Sisko
: I'm sorry. Rom
: Don't be, Captain. These are tears of joy.
[sobbing heavily, disproving his reassurance
] Captain Sisko
] Carry on.
: Latinum lasts longer than lust - Rule of Acquisition 229. Chief O'Brien
: Maybe, but lust can be a lot more fun.
[Nog has chosen Vic Fontaine's holoprogram as his rehab
] Ezri Dax
: At first, it struck me as a little... peculiar. But after I thought it over, I began to think that this might be a good sign after all. Quark
: How can hiding in one of Julian's adolescent programs be a good sign? Dr. Julian Bashir
: Hey... Jake Sisko
: It could be worse. He could be hiding in the Alamo program. Leeta
: Or that ridiculous secret agent program. Dr. Julian Bashir
] Hey... Rom
: Or that stupid Viking program! Dr. Julian Bashir
: [about Nog
] He's a one-legged crazy man!
[Martus has pinched Rom from Quark's and employed him in his own establishment
: Careful, Martus - he shaves the latinum. Rom
: I do not! Not much...
: You promised me one quarter of the profits. But then you gave her everything we earned. Martus Mazur
: I promised you one quarter of the profits *after* expenses. Rom
: Expenses? What expenses? Martus Mazur
: Operating costs, overhead, recapitalization. Rom
: That does it!
[he takes off his employee's jacket and dumps it onto Martus
] Martus Mazur
: Where are you going? Rom
: Back to Quark. At least then I'll get cheated by family!
: Sit tight and trust your older brother. Rom
: But I don't want you to try to save me. Leeta
: What are you talking about? Leeta
: [to Quark
] They must have done something to his mind! Quark
: What mind?
: You've got to finish what I started. The fate of the entire Alpha Quadrant rests in your hands. Billions and billions of people are counting on you. Quark
: Boy, are they gonna be disappointed. Rom
: Brother... You can do this. You have to do this. You will do this! Quark
: What happens if I get caught? Rom
: Then we'll die together - side by side, heads held high, knowing we did our best. Leeta
: Oh Rom! Quark
: But I don't want to die. Rom
: If that's what's written... then that's what's written.
: How dare you suggest that my brother set up this robbery! Odo
: What an interesting theory, Rom.
: Rom, do you actually believe that I would sacrifice my own brother's life? For personal profit?
: It would have to be the deal of a lifetime. Rom
: Yes - my lifetime!
[Pel has removed her "lobes" in front of Nagus Zek
: Does this mean I don't get the bar?
[Rom and Nog are fixing Quark's replicator system, which has overloaded
: He tried to warn you, Uncle Quark. You should've listened to him. Rom
: No, it's my fault. I should've explained it better. Quark
: Of course it's your fault, everything that goes wrong here is your fault. It says so in your contract.
: [to Commander Sisko
] Captain, you're alive. Smiley O'Brien
: Of course he's alive. You can't kill the Captain, he's too ornery.
[Rom has asked Vic to sing in the lounge as Vic's opening act
] Vic Fontaine
: Two singers on the same bill, that's a one-way ticket to Deadsville. I need someone to warm up the audience for me. You know, a comic. Rom
: A comic? Vic Fontaine
: A comedian, someone who can make people laugh. Rom
: I can do that. My brother tells me people are always laughing at me. Vic Fontaine
: Well, that may be true, but this is a holosuite program, capisce? Rom
: So? Vic Fontaine
: So you're not a hologram. Rom
: Life can be so unfair!
[Quark is sharing his winnings with Rom
: ...One for you and six for me - one for you and six for me... Would you stop looking so glum? Pay day is supposed to be a time of... joy! Rom
: I know, brother. But every week it's the same thing - six for you and only one for me. It's not fair! Quark
: You're right. Rom
: I am? Quark
: Yes. It's not fair. Rom
: It's not? Quark
: Absolutely not!
[Rom becomes excited with expectation
: [resuming the distribution
] One for you, and... *seven* for me. One for you...
: How could he do this to me? How could he leave me adrift, mid-river, without a paddle? Rom
: What river would that be? Chief O'Brien
: You know, the Great Material Continuum. Rom
: Oh, *that* river. It can be very treacherous. Chief O'Brien
: Tell me about it. Well, I suppose the good news is, with Nog gone, nothing else can go missing.
: I have had to make a few modifications to this holosuite over the years. Michael Eddington
: A few? It's like a junkyard in here!
: Brother! Are you all right? Quark
: No, I am not all right. I just shared a bottle of kanar with... Damar.