The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
: [referring to Data
] You could learn a lot from this one. Q
: Sure, the robot who teaches the course in humanities. Lt. Cmdr. Data
: I am an android, not a robot. Q
] I beg your pardon. Guinan
: I'd enjoy that. And you'd better get used to it. Q
: What? Guinan
: Begging! You're a pitiful excuse for a human. The only way you're gonna survive is on the charity of others.
[Q appears hovering, naked, and drops to the floor
] Red alert!
: I'm no longer a member of the Continuum. My superiors have decided to punish me! Capt. Picard
: And punish us as well, it would seem.
: Return that moon to its orbit. Q
: I have no powers! Q the ordinary. Capt. Picard
: Q the liar! Q the misanthrope! Q
: Q the miserable, Q the desperate! What must I do to convince you people? Lieutenant Worf
: Die. Q
: Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?
[Q tries unsuccessfully to convince Worf that he has truly become an ordinary human
] Lieutenant Worf
: You have fooled us too often, Q. Q
: Oh, perspicacity incarnate. Please don't feel compelled now to tell me the story of "The Boy Who Cried 'Worf'".
: [analyzing the cause for the Bre'el IV moon's trajectory
] This is obviously the result of a large celestial object passing through at near right angles to the plane of the star system. Probably a black hole. Lt. Cmdr. Data
: Can you recommend a way to counter the effect? Q
: Simple. Change the gravitational constant of the universe.
Counselor Deanna Troi
: They made you human as part of your punishment? Q
: No, it was my request. I could have chosen to exist as a Markoffian sea lizard, or a Belzoidian flea - anything I wished, as long as it was mortal. And since I had only a fraction of a second to mull, I chose this, and asked them to bring me here. Counselor Deanna Troi
: Why? Q
: [to Picard
] Because in all the universe, you're the closest thing I have to a friend, Jean-Luc.
: My life as a human being has been a dismal failure. Perhaps my death will have a little dignity. Capt. Picard
: Q, there is no dignity in this suicide. Q
: Yes, I suppose you're right; death of a coward then, so be it. But as a human, I would have died of boredom.
: There's still this matter of the selfless act. Now, you and I both know that the Calamarain would have eventually destroyed the Enterprise to get to you. And that's really why you left, right? Q
: It was a teeny bit selfless, wasn't it? Q2
] GRRR, yeah, and there is my problem! See, I can't go back to the Continuum and tell them that you committed a selfless act just before the end. If I do, there's gonna be questions, there's gonna be explanations for centuries!
: I've been entirely preoccupied by a most frightening experience of my own. A couple of hours ago, I realized that my body was no longer functioning properly. I felt weak, I could no longer stand. The life was oozing out of me, I lost consciousness. Capt. Picard
: You fell asleep.
: It is a joke - joke on me, joke of the universe. The king who would be man.
: These aren't my colors!
[Q is sitting with Data at the bar in Ten Forward, when Guinan enters
: This is not a moment I've been looking forward to. Guinan
] I hear they drummed you out of the Continuum. Q
: I like to think of it as a significant career change. Guinan
: Just one of the boys, eh? Q
: One of the boys with an IQ of two thousand and five. Lt. Cmdr. Data
: The Captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human. Guinan
[Guinan picks up a sharp-tined fork and stabs the back of Q's hand, who screams in pain
: Seems human enough to me.
: [of La Forge
] Who does he think he is, giving me orders? Lt. Cmdr. Data
: Geordi thinks he is in command here - and he is correct.
: Fine. You want to be treated as human? Q
: Absolutely. Capt. Picard
: All right. Mr. Worf - throw him in the brig! Lieutenant Worf
: Delighted, Captain.
: You're right, of course. I'm extraordinarily selfish. But it has served me so well in the past. Capt. Picard
: It'll not serve you here. Q
: Don't be so hard on me, Jean-Luc. You've been a mortal all your life, you know all about dying. I've never given it a second thought. Or a first one, for that matter. I could've been killed. If it hadn't been for Data and that one brief delay he created, I would've been gone. No more me... And no one would have missed me, would they?
Lt. Cmdr. Data
: Captain, the aliens have disappeared. And so has the shuttle. Commander William T. Riker
: Scan the sector. Lt. Cmdr. Data
: I have, sir. Capt. Picard
: Well... I suppose that is the end of Q.
[with a flash, Q appears on the bridge with a trumpet, accompanied by a mariachi band
: AU CONTRAIRE, MON CAPITAINE! HE'S BACK!
[the band starts playing, accompanied by Q with gusto
[Picard releases Q from the brig
] Capt. Picard
: If you are human, which I seriously doubt, you will have to work hard to earn our trust. Q
: I'm not worried about that, Jean-Luc. You only dislike me. There are others in the cosmos who truly despise me.
: Picard thinks I can't cut it on his starship. I can do anything his little-trained minions can do. Lt. Cmdr. Data
: I do not perceive your skills to be in doubt, Q. The Captain is merely concerned with your ability to successfully interact with his little-trained minions.
Lt. Cmdr. Data
: Of more immediate importance is your ability to work within groups. Q
: I'm not good in groups. It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
[Q has made appear two scantily clad women to fawn on Riker
] Commander William T. Riker
: I don't need your fantasy women. Q
: Oh, you're so stolid! You weren't like that before the beard.
: You know, you're incorrigible, Q, you're a lost cause. I can't go to a single solar system without having to apologize for you. And I'm tired of it! Q
: I wasn't the one who "misplaced" the entire Deltived asteroid belt!
Lt. Cmdr. Data
: I have observed that the selection of food is often influenced by the mood of the person ordering. Q
: I'm in a dreadful mood. Get me something appropriate. Lt. Cmdr. Data
: When Counselor Troi is unhappy, she usually eats something chocolate. Q
: Chocolate? Lt. Cmdr. Data
: Mm. A chocolate sundae for example. Although I do not speak from personal experience, I have seen it have a profound psychological impact. Q
: [to waitress
] I'll have ten chocolate sundaes. Waitress
: Ten? Lt. Cmdr. Data
: I have never seen anyone eat ten chocolate sundaes. Q
: I'm in a really bad mood. And since I've never eaten before, I should be... very hungry.
[Worf has put Q in the brig
: I demand to be let out of here, do you hear me? You will deactivate this cell immediately!
[Worf ignores him and walks away
[Worf stops short, growls under his breath, then leaves
: I should have said 'Romulan', that Klingon goat!
: I think I just hurt my back. I'm feeling pain... I don't like it. What's the right thing to say, 'ow'? Lt. Cmdr. Data
, Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge
: 'Ow'. Q
: OW! I can't straighten up!
: Ah, Dr. Crusher. I see Starfleet has shipped you back into exile.
Lt. Cmdr. Data
: I have the curiosity of humans; but there are questions that I will never have the answers to - what it is like to laugh or... or cry. Or to experience any human emotions. Q
: Hm - well, if you ask me, these human emotions are not what they're cracked up to be.
: It was a mistake. I never should have picked human. I knew it the moment I said it. To think of a future in this shell... forced to cover myself with a fabric because of some outdated human morality, to say nothing of being too hot or too cold. Growing feeble with age, losing my hair, catching a disease, being ticklish, sneezing, having an itch, a pimple, bad breath...
[looks at Worf
: Having to *bathe!* Lieutenant Worf
: Too bad!
: Be quiet! Or disappear back where you came from. Q
: I can't disappear - any more than you could win a beauty contest.
[Dr. Crusher is treating Q's back problems rather roughly
] Doctor Beverly Crusher
: Well, don't expect too much sympathy from me. You have been a pain in *our* backside often enough. Q
] Your bedside manner's admirable, Doctor. I'm sure your patients recover quickly, just to get away from you!
: One creature's torment is another creature's delight.
: I know human beings. They're all sopping over with compassion and forgiveness. They can't wait to absolve... almost any offense. It's an inherent weakness of the breed. Capt. Picard
: On the contrary, it is a strength. Q
: You call it what you will. But I think you'll protect me, even though I've tormented you now and again. Commander William T. Riker
: Fighting off all the species which you've insulted would be a full-time mission. That's not the one I signed up for.
: [about the Calamarain, which he has tortured in the past
] They simply have no sense of humor - a character flaw with which you can personally identify. Commander William T. Riker
: I say we turn him over to them. Q
: Oh, well, I take it back. You do have a sense of humor, a dreadful one at that.
: There are creatures in the universe who would consider you the ultimate achievement, android. No feelings, no emotions, no pain... And yet you covet those qualities of humanity. Believe me, you're missing nothing. But if it means anything to you - you're a better human than I.
: You have a moon in a deteriorating orbit. I've known moons through the universe - big ones, small ones. I'm an expert. I could help you with this one, if you let me out of here. Capt. Picard
: Q, there are millions of lives at risk. If you have the power... Q
: I don't have any powers! But I have the knowledge, locked up in this puny brain. You cannot afford to not take that advantage, can you?
[detained in a cell of the Enterprise brig, Q attempts to keep Captain Picard from leaving
: Jean-Luc, wait!
[runs into the cell's force field
: THIS is getting on my nerves, now that I have them!
: As I learn more and more what it is to be human, I am more and more convinced that I would never make a good one. I don't have what it takes. Without my powers, I'm frightened of everything. I'm a coward. And I'm miserable. And I can't go on this way.
: I'm forgiven! My brothers and sisters of the Continuum have taken me back. I'm immortal again! Omnipotent again! Commander William T. Riker
: Until next time. Ah, but... before I go, there's a debt I wish to repay, to my professor of the humanities. Data, I've decided to give you something very, very special. Lt. Cmdr. Data
: If your intention is to make me human, Q... Q
: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would never curse you by making you human. Think of it... as a going-away present.
[he disappears. Data suddenly starts laughing out of control
] Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge
: Data... Data, why are you laughing?
[Data calms down, somewhat bemused
] Lt. Cmdr. Data
: I do not know. But it was a wonderful... feeling.
] Capt. Picard
: Perhaps there's a... residue of humanity in Q after all.
[raises his hand
] Capt. Picard
: Ensign, en...
[with a flash, a cigar appears in his hand, with a miniature of Q's head floating in the smoke
: Don't bet on it, Picard.
Doctor Beverly Crusher
: [Beverly examines Q with a medical tricorder
] Well, if I didn't see it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it. According to this, you have classic back trauma. Muscle spasms. Q
: I've been under a lot of pressure lately. Family problems. Doctor Beverly Crusher
: Hmm, well don't expect too much sympathy from me. You have been a pain in our backside often enough. Q
: [Beverly gleefully runs a medical instrument over Q's back, and he cries out in pain
] Your bedside manner's admirable, Doctor. I'm sure your patients recover quickly just to get away from you.
: You can't do this to me, Jean-Luc. Lieutenant Worf
: [grabs Q's arm and starts to pull
] You will walk or I will carry you. Q
: Given the option, I - I'll walk. You disappointment me, Jean-Luc. I'm disappointed.
[Worf and Q enter turbolift
: Hey, I'm claustrophobic. I don't like it in here.
: [the Enterprise is trying to correct the orbit of a moon with the ship's tractor beam before it collides with the planet Bre'el IV
] And if you're wrong the moon will crumble due to subspace compression. Don't say I didn't warn you. Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge
: Shut up, Q. Q
: [suddenly rising
] I will not be spoken to in this manner! Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge
: [as if to say deal with him
] Data. Lt. Cmdr. Data
: Q, I strongly suggest that you cooperate.
[Q reluctantly returns to his seat in Engineering
: What do you like? Lt. Cmdr. Data
: Although I do not require sustenance, I occasionally ingest a semi-organic nutrient suspension in a silicone-based liquid medium. Q
: Is it good? Lt. Cmdr. Data
: It would be more accurate to say it is good for me, as it lubricates my bio-functions.
: I want you out, but first, get rid of this bed. Q
: I've no intention of getting between those Starfleet-issue sheets. They give me a terrible rash! Captain Janeway
: Well - since you won't be getting in the bed, I wouldn't worry about it.
: Oh, I see, this is one of those silly human rituals - you're playing hard to get. Captain Janeway
: As far as you're concerned, Q, I'm impossible to get. Q
: Goody! A challenge! This is going to be fun!
: I know that you're probably asking yourself, "Why would a brilliant, handsome, dashingly omnipotent being like Q want to mate with a scrawny little bipedal specimen like me?" Captain Janeway
: Let me guess: no one else in the universe will have you! Q
: Nonsense! I could have chosen a Klingon targ; the Romulan Empress; a Cyrillian microbe. Captain Janeway
: Really? I beat out a single-celled organism? How flattering!
: [referring to Chakotay
] I was wondering, Kathy. What could anyone possibly see in this big oaf anyway? Is it the tattoo? Because MINE'S BIGGER! Captain Janeway
: Not big enough.
: [referring to Chakotay
: Q! How did you find me? Female Q
: Never mind that. What are you doing with that dog?
[Q looks at the little spaniel in Janeway's arms
] Female Q
: I'm not talking about the puppy.
: Kathryn Janeway, may I present: Q. Female Q
: Not just any Q - *his* Q. Q
: We were involved, for a while. Female Q
: About four billion years.
: You have no idea what you're missing. Foreplay with a Q can last for decades. Captain Janeway
: Sorry, but I'm busy for the next sixty or seventy years.
: You'd be surprised what innovative munitions can be created by one immortal being who's set his mind on killing another.
: I'm an idea-man. Hard work isn't my forte.
: Oh, Kathy, don't be such a prude. Admit it - it has been a while. Captain Janeway
: And it's gonna be a while longer.
: [to Neelix
] You, bar rodent!
: [about the civil war of the Q
] It's terrible, isn't it? But it's also a wonderful opportunity. Captain Janeway
: I fail to see anything wonderful about a war. Q
: War can be an engine of change. War can transform a society for the better. Your own Civil War brought about an end to slavery and oppression.
: I want you to help me transform the Continuum, in the same way your Civil War transformed a nation. Captain Janeway
: By mating with you? Q
: I know - it's brilliant, isn't it?
: What the Continuum needs right now, is an infusion of fresh blood, a new sensibility, a new leader, a new messiah! Think of it, Kathy: our child will be like a precious stone tossed into the cosmic lake, sending endless ripples of human conscience and compassion to wash up on every distant shore of the universe. What greater contribution could a being of your limited power ever hope to make? What is more important to humanity than peace? I'm offering you the opportunity to be the mother of peace.
: [seeing the Q mate, merely by the touch of their index fingers
] That was it? Q
: You had your chance. Don't go crying about it now.
: [after the mating
] I was good, wasn't I? Female Q
: Very good.
: I look at the universe in an entirely different way now. I mean, I can't go around causing temporal anomalies or subspace inversions without considering the impact it'll have on my son. -... - By the way, did I tell you how smart he is? I've already taught him how to knock small planets out of orbit.
: Starfleet Admiral Q, at your service.
: Humans. I thought by now that you would have scampered back to your own little star system.
[Worf moves in on Q
] Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: No, Lieutenant Worf! You'll make no move against him unless I order it. Q
: Pity! You might have learned an interesting lesson, Macrohead - with a microbrain! Lieutenant Worf
[Q appears in a monk's costume
: Let us pray, for understanding and for compassion. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Let us do no such damn thing! What is this need of yours for costumes, Q? Have you no identity of your own? Q
: I come in search of the truth. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: You come in search of what humanity is! Q
: I *forgive* your blasphemy!
: [quoting Hartley
] "Nothing reveals Humanity so well as the games it plays."
Commander William T. Riker
: We don't have time for these games. Q
: Games? Did someone say "game"? And perchance for interest's sake, a deadly game? To the game!
: Shall it be a test of strength? Meaningless, since you have none. A test of intelligence, then? Equally as meaningless!
[Q appears in a Napoleonic uniform
] Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: A Marshal of France? Ridiculous! Q
: Well, one takes the jobs he can get.
: You seem to find this all very amusing. Commander William T. Riker
: I might - if we weren't on our way to help some suffering and dying humans, who... Q
] Ah, your species is always suffering and dying.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Whatever it is, why do you demonstrate it through this confrontation? Why not a simple, direct explanation, a statement of what you seek? Why these games? Q
: Why these games? Why, the play is the thing. And I'm surprised you have to ask when your human, Shakespeare, explained it all so well.
: Hear this, Picard, and reflect: "All the galaxy is a stage." Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: World, not galaxy. "All the world's a stage." Q
: Oh, you know that one. Well, if he were living now, he would have said galaxy. How about this, uh... "Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: I see. So how we respond to a game tells you more about us than our real life, this... tale, told by an idiot? Interesting, Q.
: Perhaps maybe a little, uh, Hamlet? Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Oh, I know Hamlet. And what he might say with irony, I say with conviction: "What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! In form, in moving, how express and admirable! In action, how like an angel! In apprehension, how like a god!" Q
: Surely, you don't see your species like that, do you? Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: I see us one day becoming that, Q. Is it that which concerns you?
: "Drink not with thine enemy." The rigid Klingon code. Explains something of why you defeated them.
[Q has offered Riker to become part of the Q
] Commander William T. Riker
: To become a part of you? I don't even like you. Q
: You're gonna miss me!
: Use your power!
: [reciting a log entry of his own
] The Enterprise is now helpless, stuck like an Earth insect in amber while it's bridge crew plays out a game whose real intent is to test if their first officer is worthy of the greatest gift the Q can offer.
: The trial never ended, Captain. We never reached a verdict. But now we have. You're guilty. Capt. Picard
: Guilty of what? Q
: Of being inferior. Seven years ago, I said we'd be watching you, and we have been - hoping that your ape-like race would demonstrate *some* growth, give *some* indication that your minds had room for expansion. But what have we seen instead? You, worrying about Commander Riker's career. Listening to Counselor Troi's pedantic psychobabble. Indulging Data in his witless exploration of humanity. Capt. Picard
: We've journeyed to countless new worlds. We've contacted new species. We have expanded our understanding of the universe. Q
: In your own paltry, limited way. You have no *idea* how far you still have to go. But instead of using the last seven years to change and to grow, you have squandered them.
[Q has given Picard the chance to ask ten yes/no questions
] Capt. Picard
: ...Is it part of a Romulan plot, a ploy to start a war? Q
: No and no.
: *Five* down! Capt. Picard
: That's only four! Q
: "Is it a Romulan plot?" "Is it a ploy to start a war?" Those are *separate* questions. Capt. Picard
] Did you create the anomaly? Q
: No, no, no!
: You're going to be so surprised when you realize where it came from... Q
: [suddenly menacing
] if you ever figure it out. Capt. Picard
: Are you responsible for my shifting through time? Q
: I'll answer that question if you promise you won't tell anyone. Q
: [leans in and whispers
] Yes! Capt. Picard
: Why? Q
: Sorry! That's not a yes or no question. You forfeit the rest of your questions.
: I believed in you. I thought you had potential. But apparently I was wrong. May whatever god you believe in...
: ...have mercy on your soul. This court stands adjourned.
: You're not alone, you know. What you were, and what you are to become, will always be with you.
: We are what we are, and we're doing the best we can. It is not for you to set the standards by which we should be judged! Q
: Oh, but it is, and we have. Time may be eternal, Captain, but our patience is not. It's time to put an end to your trek through the stars, make room for other more worthy species. Capt. Picard
: You're going to deny us travel through space? Q
] No! You obtuse piece of flotsam! You're to be denied *existence*. Humanity's fate has been sealed. You will be destroyed.
: You see this? This is you. I'm serious! Right here, life is about to form on this planet for the very first time. A group of amino acids are about to combine to form the first protein - the building blocks...
: ...of what you call "life". Strange, isn't it? Everything you know, your entire civilization, it all begins right here in this little pond of goo. Appropriate somehow, isn't it? Too bad you didn't bring your microscope; it's really quite fascinating. Oh, look! There they go. The amino acids are moving closer and closer, and closer. Ooh! Nothing happened. See what you've done?
: [to Picard, after the other ships explode
] Two down, one to go.
: Q? What is going on here? Where is the anomaly? Q
: [pretendind to be deaf
] Where is your mommy? Well, I don't know.
: The Continuum didn't think you had it in you, Jean-Luc. But I knew you did. Capt. Picard
: Are you saying that it worked? We collapsed the anomaly? Q
: Is that all this meant to you? Just another spatial anomaly, just another day at the office? Capt. Picard
: Did it work? Q
: Well, you're here, aren't you? You're talking to me, aren't you? Capt. Picard
: What about my crew? Q
] The anomaly, my ship, my crew; I suppose you're worried about your fish, too. If it puts your mind at ease - you've saved humanity, once again.
: We demonstrated to you that mankind had become peaceful and benevolent. You agreed and you let us go on our way. Now why am I standing here again? Q
: Oh, you'd like me to connect the dots for you, lead you from A to B to C, so that your puny mind could comprehend? How boring.
: Now tell me one thing: this anomaly we're looking for - will that destroy humanity? Q
: You're forgetting, Jean-Luc - *you* destroy humanity.
: [after learning that he successfully collapsed the anomaly
] Thank you. Q
] For what? Capt. Picard
: You had a hand in helping me get out of this. Q
: I was the one that got you into it. A directive from the Continuum. The part about the helping hand, though... was my idea.
: I sincerely hope that this is the last time that I find myself here. Q
: You just don't get it, do you, Jean-Luc? The trial never ends. We wanted to see if you had the ability to expand your mind and your horizons. And for one brief moment, you did. Capt. Picard
: When I realized the paradox. Q
: Exactly. For that one fraction of a second, you were open to options you had never considered. *That* is the exploration that awaits you. Not mapping stars and studying nebulae, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence.
: Goodbye, Jean-Luc. I'm gonna miss you. You had such potential. But then again, all good things must come to an end.
[Q's last line of the series
: In any case, I'll be watching. And if you're very lucky, I'll drop by to say hello from time to time. See you... out there!
: The last time that I stood here was seven years ago. Q
: Seven years ago! How little do you mortals understand time. Must you be so linear, Jean-Luc? Capt. Picard
: You accused me of being the representative of a... a barbarous species. Q
: I believe my exact words were "a dangerous, savage child-race."
: Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc. You're dead.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Q, what is going on? Q
: I told you. You're dead. This is the afterlife. And I'm God. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: [laughs scornfully
] You are not God! Q
: Blasphemy! You're lucky I don't cast you out or smite you or something. The bottom line is, your life ended about five minutes ago, under the inept ministrations of Dr. Beverly Crusher. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: No... I am not dead. Because I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you. The universe is not so badly designed.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: [about his time as an ensign
] I was a different person in those days - arrogant, undisciplined... with far too much ego, but too little wisdom. I was more like you. Q
: Then you must have been far more interesting. Pity you had to change.
: I see you've found your Nausicaan friend. You seem unimpaled so far. Jean-Luc Picard
: I'm sorry to disappoint you.
: Q, even if you have been able to bring me back in time somehow, surely you must realize that any alteration in this timeline will have a profound impact on the future. Q
: Please, spare me your egotistical musings on your pivotal role in history. Nothing you do here will cause the Federation to collapse or galaxies to explode. To be blunt, you're not that important.
: You never told me you were such a ladies' man. Jean-Luc Picard
: I wasn't. I was a puerile adolescent, who allowed himself to be led by his hormones instead of his head.
[Picard wakes up in Marta's bed but finds Q lying next to him
: Morning, darling.
: Flowers! Is there a John Luck Pickurd here?
: Did I interrupt anything sordid, I hope?
: [mimicking a German doctor
] Vell, vell, vell - vat seems to be the trubble, Leutnant Picard?
: Q! Q
: That's 'Captain Q' to you, young man.
: Now that you've shuffled off the mortal coil, we're free to spend a little time together. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: A little time together? How much? Q
: What if I don't avoid the fight? What if I won't make the changes? Q
: Then you die on the table - and we spend eternity together. Jean-Luc Picard
: Wonderful! Q
: I'm glad you think so.
[Corey has accepted the Nausicaan's challenge for a game of dom-jot
] Jean-Luc Picard
: He's gonna lose. The Nausicaan is cheating. Q
: Really? I'm beginning to like these Nausicaans.
: Well, let's see... You've managed to get slapped by one woman, a drink thrown in your face by another and alienate your two best friends. Doing pretty well so far.
Lt. J.G. Jean-Luc Picard
: You having a good laugh now, Q? Does it amuse you to think of me living out the rest of my life as a dreary man in a tedious job? Q
: I gave you something most mortals never experience: a second chance at life. And now all you can do is complain? Lt. J.G. Jean-Luc Picard
: I can't live out my days as that person. That man is bereft of passion... and imagination! That is not who *I* am! Q
: Au contraire. He's the person you wanted to be: one who was less arrogant and undisciplined in his youth, one who was less like me... The Jean-Luc Picard *you* wanted to be, the one who did *not* fight the Nausicaan, had quite a different career from the one you remember. That Picard never had a brush with death, never came face to face with his own mortality, never realized how fragile life is or how important each moment must be. So his life never came into focus. He drifted through much of his career, with no plan or agenda, going from one assignment to the next, never seizing the opportunities that presented themselves. He never led the away team on Milika III to save the Ambassador; or take charge of the Stargazer's bridge when its captain was killed. And no one ever offered him a command. He learned to play it safe - and he never, ever, got noticed by anyone.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Very well, I will introduce you; but... we cannot argue like this in front of her. We must at least appear to be... Q
: [putting an arm around Picard's shoulder
] Pals? Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: With unlimited power comes responsibility.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: You've made yourself judge and jury - and if necessary, executioner. By what right have you appointed yourself to this position? Q
: Superior morality.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Commander, have you been able to determine the cause of the warp breach? Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge
: No, sir. Everything was normal, and then suddenly it's like the laws of physics went right out the window.
[characteristic flash of Q appearing
: And why shouldn't they? They're so inconvenient.
: [on seeing Commander Riker
] Well, if it isn't Number Two!
: [of Riker
] You're attracted to him! Amanda Rogers
: I am not. Q
: I think you are. How repulsive! How do you stand that hair all over his face?
: Very impressive the way you contained that explosion. What else have you done? Amanda Rogers
: I-I don't understand. Q
: Telekinesis, teleportation? Spontaneous combustion of someone you don't like?
[shoots a meaningful glance at Picard
: [of Amanda
] She's quite a little spitfire, now, isn't she?
: She was being impetuous. She'll just have to start behaving like a Q. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: If I'm not mistaken, she just did.
[after Amanda has smashed Q against a wall
: [on Amanda
] None of us knew whether she had inherited the capacities of the Q, but recently they've begun to emerge, and, uh, as an expert in humanity, I was sent to investigate. Commander William T. Riker
: You, an expert in humanity? Q
: Not a very challenging field of study, I grant you.
: Crusher gets more shrill with each passing year.
: What is it about these squirming little infants that you find so appealing? Doctor Beverly Crusher
: I'm sure that's beyond your comprehension, Q. Q
: I desperately hope so.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: [on Amanda's parents
] The circumstance of their death's quite odd. A tornado somehow escaped the weather modification net and touched down in only one spot - Amanda's home. Q
: Well - you can never predict the weather.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Your... arrogant pretense at being the moral guardians of the universe strikes me as being hollow, Q. I see no evidence that you're guided by a superior moral code or any code whatsoever. You may be nearly omnipotent, and I don't deny that your... parlor tricks are very impressive. But morality, I don't see it. I don't acknowledge it, Q! I would put human morality against the Q's any day. And perhaps that's the reason that we fascinate you so - because our puny behavior shows you a glimmer of the one thing that evades your omnipotence: a moral center. And if so, I can think of no crueler irony than that you should destroy this young woman, whose only crime is that she's too human. Q
: Jean-Luc... Sometimes I think the only reason I come here is to listen to these wonderful speeches of yours.
: [to Amanda, after she found Q hiding inside a barrel in an Enterprise cargo bay
] Not bad. Not bad at all.
: [lecturing his son
] If the Continuum's told you once, they've told you a thousand times: DON'T - PROVOKE - THE BORG!
: [about Q's son
] He worked so hard on that paper. The least you could have done was tell him you were proud of him. Q
: But I'm not. Captain Janeway
] Oh! Q
: And frankly, it's a little hard to be impressed with any of the boy's accomplishments. He's been here for five days, and what have you taught him? How to scribble essays and play with holograms? What's next, basket weaving?
: [Q pops his head through the turbolift doors
] Going up? Captain Janeway
: I'll catch the next one.
: Maybe you should've picked a better godparent. Q
: I wonder if it's too late to ask Jean-Luc.
[Q has released his son from a Petri dish
: What was that for? Q
: What's wrong? You didn't enjoy life as an Oprelian amoeba?
: You're asking me to change your son in one week? Q
: I'm sure you'll think of something. Q2
: What if she doesn't? Q
: Then it's single-cellular city for you, my boy.
[Q2 has presented an essay to his father
] Captain Janeway
: [to Q
] Well? What did you think? Q
] Oh, it's very nice. Captain Janeway
: "Nice"? Q
: Yes, I especially liked the part about the Continuum. Captain Janeway
: The entire essay was about the Continuum. Q
] Yes, and it's very nice!
: Whether you're willing to admit it or not, your son has made progress here. He has the potential to be a better Q than you will ever be! Q
: Potential isn't going to be enough for the Continuum. Captain Janeway
: Then what *will* be enough? Q
: The boy needs to demonstrate nothing less than... exemplary Q-ness. Captain Janeway
: And what exactly is "Q-ness"? Q
: Oh, it's impossible for your minuscule mind to comprehend. But I know Q-ness when I see it. And this...
[he picks up Q2's essay and throws it to Janeway
: ...is not it.
: I wish you could see the look on your faces! Oh, wait, you can!
[he snaps his fingers, and mirrors appear before Janeway and Q2, who look into them
: Like Aunt Kathy said. You're never gonna learn anything if you don't face the consequences of your actions. If your little playmate has to die to teach you a lesson - so be it.
: Now, then, if we're all finished here, it's Judgment Day for Junior.
: [handing Janeway a PADD
] Before I leave, I did a little 'homework' for you. Consider it a thank you for everything you did for Junior. Captain Janeway
: [looking at the PADD
] Not that I don't appreciate it. But this will only take a few years off our journey. Why not send us all the way? Q
: What sort of an example would I be setting for my son if I did all the work for you?
: You're leaving me here? Captain Janeway
: I though we agreed that you were going to take a more active role. Q
: I'd like to, Kathy. But we both know that you're a million times the parent I am. Captain Janeway
: I'm not a parent! Q
: Maybe not in the biological sense, but you're certainly a mommy to this crew. Just look how quickly you house-broke that Borg drone.
: Your brilliant plan didn't work. I smothered the boy with attention, spent every waking moment with him. But things only got worse. Captain Janeway
: You've been gone for less than ten minutes!
Captain Kathryn Janeway
: Based on my research, you have been many things - a rude, interfering, inconsiderate, sadistic... Q
: You've made your point. Captain Kathryn Janeway
: ...pest. And, oh, yes, you introduced us to the Borg, thank you very much. But one thing you have never been, is a liar. Q
: I think you've uncovered my one redeeming virtue. Am I blushing?
: Say, is this a ship of the Valkyries? Or have you Human women finally done away with your men altogether?
: Well, I guess that's what we get for having a woman in the captain's seat.
: Did anyone ever tell you you're angry when you're beautiful?
: Let's celebrate, just you and me - the two of us. Captain Kathryn Janeway
: What? Q
: I'll take you home. Before you know it, you'll be scampering across the meadow with your little puppies, the grass beneath your bare feet, a man coming over the hill, way in the distance, waves to you. You run to be in his arms, and as you get closer, you see that it's... me!
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres
: This ship will not survive the formation of the cosmos. Q
: Yes, but just think of the honor of having your DNA spread from one corner of the universe to the other. Why, you could be the origin of the humanoid form.
: Without Q, there would have been no William T. Riker at all. And I would have lost at least a dozen really good opportunities to insult him over the years.
: May I see you in your chambers, Captain? Captain Kathryn Janeway
: You've been in my chambers enough for one visit, sir.
: [times 2
: [about the Q
] They don't dare feel sad. If only they could, that would be progress. Q
: Oh, the philosopher speaks.
: [on Quinn
] By demanding to end his life, he taught me a little something about my own. He was right when he said the Continuum scared me back in line. I didn't have his courage or his convictions. He called me irrepressible. This was a man who was truly irrepressible. I only hope I make a worthy student.
[Q has provided Quinn with poison to facilitate the latter's suicide
] Captain Kathryn Janeway
: I imagine the Continuum won't be very happy with you, Q. Q
: I certainly hope not.
: Petulance does not become you. We have business, Picard.
: [referring to Guinan
] Picard, if you had half the sense you pretend to have, you would get her off your ship immediately. And if you'd like, I'd be more than pleased to expedite her departure. Capt. Picard
: [to Guinan
] You know him? Guinan
: We have had some dealings. Q
: Those dealings were two centuries ago. This creature is not what she appears to be. She's an Imp, and where she goes, trouble always follows. Capt. Picard
: You're speaking of yourself, Q, not Guinan.
: My purpose is to join you. Commander William T. Riker
: To join us as what? Q
: As a member of the crew, willing and able, ready to serve. This ship is already home for the indigent, the unwanted, the unworthy. Why not for a homeless entity? Commander William T. Riker
: Homeless? Q
: Yes. Commander William T. Riker
: The other members of the Q Continuum kicked you out?
: We agreed you would never trouble my ship again. Q
: I always keep my arrangements, sir. Look! We're nowhere near your vessel.
[he shows him that they are actually drifting alone in space in a shuttle craft
: I add a little excitement, a little spice, to your lives, and all you do is complain. Where is your adventurous spirit, your imagination? Think, Picard, think! Think of the possibilities. Capt. Picard
: Simply speaking, we don't trust you. Q
: Oh. Well, you may not trust me, but you do need me. You're not prepared for what awaits you. Capt. Picard
: How can we be prepared for that which we do not know? But I do know that we are ready to encounter it.
: You're an impossibly stubborn human.
: You judge yourselves against the pitiful adversaries you've encountered so far - the Romulans, the Klingons. They're nothing compared to what's waiting. Picard - you are about to move into areas of the galaxy containing wonders more incredible than you can possibly imagine - and terrors to freeze your soul.
: Con permiso, Capitan. The hall is rented, the orchestra engaged. It's now time to see if you can dance.
: [to Worf
] Microbrain. Growl for me, let me know you still care.
: You can't outrun them, you can't destroy them. If you damage them, the essence of what they are remains. They regenerate and keep coming. Eventually you will weaken. Your reserves will be gone. They are relentless!
: I understand what you've done here, Q. But I think the lesson could have been learned without the loss of 18 members of my crew. Q
: If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid.
: You hit me! Picard never hit me. Sisko
: I'm not Picard. Q
: Indeed not. You're much easier to provoke. How fortunate for me.
: You are the one who almost got me killed on Errikang VII, and they weren't exactly thrilled to see you on Brax either. What did they call you, 'the God of Lies'? Q
: They meant it affectionately.
] The eminent Vash! Barred from the Royal Museum of Epsilon Hydra VII. Persona non grata on Betazed. Wanted dead on Miridon for stealing the crown of the First Mother. Vash
: Dead or *alive*! Q
: *Preferably* dead!
: It's over, Q, I want you out of my life. You're arrogant, you're overbearing and you think you know everything. Q
: But... I do know everything. Vash
: That makes it even worse.
: Really, Vash, I can't believe you're still pining for Jean-Luc, that self-righteous do-gooder.
: An abysmal place. Vash
: Tartaras V? Q
: Earth. Oh, don't get me wrong. Thousand years ago it had character - Crusades, Spanish Inquisition, Watergate... Now it's just mind-numbingly dull.
: [to Sisko
] Just answer one question: is Starfleet penalizing you or did you actually request such a dismal command?
: Why don't you do something constructive for a change, like torment Cardassians? Q
: Do I know you? Chief O'Brien
: O'Brien, from the Enterprise. Q
: Enterprise? Oh, yes! Weren't you one of the little people?
: I suppose it's my fate to be the galaxy's whipping boy. Oh, heavy is the burden of being me.
: [referring to Quark
] What business could you possibly have with that disgusting little troll?
: [Bashir is on the Replimat, waiting for Vash when Q disguised as a Bajoran waiter comes up to him
] Oh, just a cup of mint tea, please. Q
] You're making a terrible mistake. Doctor Bashir
: Why? Oh, the replicators haven't malfunctioned again? Q
: I'm talking about Vash. Stay away from her. Doctor Bashir
: My God! You're an impertinent waiter! Q
: I'm a friend. I'm trying to give friendly advice. She's nothing but trouble. Doctor Bashir
: Really? Well, I don't think it's any of your business who I see. In fact, I'm meeting her now... Q
] Are you sure you're up to it? You look tired. Doctor Bashir
: [getting up to leave
] I feel fine... Q
: No, no, no. You look very, very tired.
] Doctor Bashir
: [Bashir does the same
] Actually, I do feel a bit spent. Maybe I should lie down for a while. Q
: [to himself
] Hopefully by yourself for a change. Chief O'Brien
: [O'Brien's also at the Replimat and recognises the waiter. He hurries off to Ops while saying to himself
] Bloody hell!
[Q claims to be indebted to Picard
: Without your assistance on our last encounter, I would never have survived. I would've taken my own life but for you. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: We all make mistakes.
: Jean-Luc, it's wonderful to see you again. How about a big hug?
[he puts his feet up on Picards desk
: Well, don't just stand there, say something. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Get out of my chair!
: I had such high hopes for you, Picard. I thought you were a bit more... evolved than the rest of your species. But now I realize you're just as weak as all the others. Still it pains me, to see the great Jean-Luc Picard brought down... by a woman. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
] What woman? Q
] Don't play coy with me, Captain. I witnessed your little spat with Vash. Nor will I soon forget the look of anguish on your face, the pain, the misery. If I didn't know better, I would have thought you were already married!
: You are simply the most impossible person to buy a gift for!
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Some other time, Q. Right now, I have other matters to attend to. Q
: Yes, your speech, I read it. It's dull, plodding, pedantic, much like yourself.
: [on Vash
] She's found a vulnerability in you - a vulnerability I've been looking for for years. If I had known sooner, I would've appeared as a female.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: I don't want your help, your advice, your favors, or for that matter, *you*, do you understand? Once and for all! Q
: You would have me stand idly by as she led you to your destruction? Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Yes! Q
: As you wish.
: You've never actually been to the ruins at Tagus III, have you? Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: No. They were sealed off more than a century ago. Q
: Well, that explains it, then. How can you write about something that you've never seen? I know! Why don't I take you there?
[he changes into an explorer outfit
] Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Out of the question. That would mean breaking Taguan law. Q
: Must you always be so ethical? I suppose we could travel back in time. You could see what Tagus was like two billion years ago. They really knew how to party back in those days.
: *You're* Q! Q
: Yes. And you are a very interesting woman.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: So, where are you off to now? Vash
: I haven't made up my mind.
[Q appears next to them
: After all, she has the entire universe to choose from. Vash
: Meet my new partner. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Him? Vash
: Why not? Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: I'll tell you why not! Q
: Now, Jean-Luc, let's not be unkind. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: He's devious, and amoral, and unreliable, and irresponsible, and... and definitely not to be trusted! Vash
: Remind you of someone you know? Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: As a matter of fact, it does.
[with the help of his men, Picard has rescued "Lady Marian"
] Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: If you have hurt any of my people... Q
: Sadly enough, they're all fine. But my point is, they could've been killed, and so might've you - all for the love of a maid. My debt to you, Picard, is paid.
[Q's first line
: Thou art notified that thy kind hath infiltrated the galaxy too far already. Thou art directed to return to thine own solar system immediately.
: [of Picard
] He's such a dullard, isn't he?
: You must return to your world and put an end to the commies. All it takes are a few good men.
: You will now answer to the charge of being a grievously savage race. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: 'Grievously savage' could mean anything. I will answer only specific charges. Q
: Are you certain you want a full disclosure of human ugliness? So be it, fool.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: We humans know our past, even when we're ashamed of it. I recognize this court system as the one that agreed with that line from Shakespeare: "Kill all the lawyers." Q
: Which was done. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Leading to the rule "Guilty until proven innocent." Q
: Of course. Bringing the innocent to trial would be unfair.
: Soldiers, you will press those triggers if this criminal answers with any word other than 'guilty'.
: Captain, you may find that you are not nearly clever enough to deal with what lies ahead for you.
: [of the space vessel life form
] Captain, that thing was killing my people! Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Was there a reason? Q
: It is an unknown, Captain. Isn't that enough? Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: If you'd earned that uniform you're wearing, you'd know that the unknown is what brings us out here. Q
: Wasted effort considering human intelligence.
[the crew has solved the Farpoint mystery
: I see now, it was too simple a puzzle. Generosity has always been my... weakness.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Leave us! We've passed your little test. Q
: Temper, temper, mon Captaine. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
: Get off my ship! Q
: I do so only because it suits me to leave. But I will not promise never to appear again.
: Why do I do this? Because I can!
: Excuse me, am I mistaken but isn't there a Borg on the Bridge trying to control the ship? What are you going to do...
[hits character on head with the tricorder
: ...scan it to death?
: So, now that you've seen your father die, are you ready to avenge his death? Or perhaps you'd like to try something different, how about the chance to *prevent* his death? Lieutenant Sprint was killed four hours before the Borg ever got to Wolf-359, but if the good Dr. Quint had been able to save Sprint four hours before... then Sprint would've been able to save the Rightious and you would've grown up in the loving company of your father, and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. What's say we give the old goat a second chance to save Sprint's life? You're not afraid of a little space-time continuum meddling are you Cadet? No, I thought not. Shall we?
: Here, take this too.
[Hands them a medkit
] Anastastia Targus
: I don't think we'll need an emergency medkit. If things get that bad we're probably dead. Q
: There are many ways to die, some of them more painful than others.
[the player has just fatally electrocuted themself
: I'm sorry... he's just too stupid to live.
: [You've made it back up to the moment your father died, and are re-watching it from the eyes of the person who should've been there
] Here we are again, back at the beginning, except this time YOU are security, instead of that little mouse of an ensign. Ralph Furlong
: The Tolstoy just took a major hit. Q
: Are you going to be able to save them or not?
: [You just saved the ship, and the Borg are headed for Earth
] I wonder what chance the Starfleet forces has of stopping the Borg at Earth. Q
: Actually they will succeed. The Enterprise, utilizing the emergency transporters on the shuttlecraft, will re-capture their borgafied Picard, and stop the Borg incursion just in the nick of time. Dr. Bennington Biraka
: And how do you know that, Quint? Q
: I told you already, I'm an omnipotent being!
[Snaps his fingers and transforms back into Q
: [Q has just revealed himself and you to the crew on the bridge
] Who are you? And what happened to Dr. Quint and Lt. Sprint? And what have you done to my crew? Q
: I'm afraid, the Lieutenant died about four hours ago, not my doing. He was supposed to die, just as all of you I'm afraid are supposed to be vaporized here, at Wolf-359. That's how it's written in the history books. Dr. Bennington Biraka
: History? Are you telling us you're from the future? Q
: He is!
[Points to you
: I am, like I said I exist outside the confines of the space-time continum. That is if I wanted to. My little friend here wanted a chance to come back and save this ship from destruction, and to my great suprise he succeeded!
: I think by now, all my friends are tired of hearing me brag about Qaylan. I'm sure they don't want to hear anymore. Q
: Do you hear that, Sprint? You don't want to hear Furlong talking about his whiny brat now, do you?
[Player kicks Q in the crotch
: [Doubling over in pain
] Ohhhh! Dr. Bennington Biraka
: Come on, Quint, you'll be okay. Just catch your breath. If you just didn't try so hard to make everyone dislike you! Q
: [In a high-pitched voice
] S-Spare me the psycho! You don't have to psychoanalyze me!
Dr. Bennington Biraka
: Your problem is very straightforward, doctor. You *desperately* want to be liked. Q
: If I wanted to be liked, all I'd have to do is snap my fingers, and I'd be liked. I'm an omnipotent being, masquerading as Dr. Quint! Whatever I want to happen, happens. Dr. Bennington Biraka
: Interesting fantasy. Alright, let's play that through. Then why don't you? Q
: Why don't I what? Dr. Bennington Biraka
: Make everyone *like* you! Q
: Because I don't *want* to! Dr. Bennington Biraka
: No! Because you want them to like you of their own free will. And, phenomenon logically speaking, you can't force them to do something of their own free will. Q
: Sophistry, Biraka! Dr. Bennington Biraka
: Truth, Quint. Let me give you some free advice: If you want to be liked, try making yourself *likable*.
: Looks like somebody seems to feel threatened. Q
: The only thing remotely threatening is your hairdo.
: Synapses, we hardly hardly knew you!
: Are they peeking at the answers?
] We're going to easy on them!
: [after the player does not make an answer
] I know, I know! It's
] Mr. Knowitall
: ! Q
: Please... don't shout out the answer, it may wake up the contestants.