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Quotes for
Garak (Character)
from "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" (1993)

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"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Our Man Bashir (#4.9)" (1995)
Dr. Julian Bashir: I work for one of the nation states of this era, Great Britain, which is battling various other nations in what is called the Cold War. This apartment, my clothes, weapons, even my valet were provided to me by my government.
Garak: I think I joined the wrong intelligence service.

Garak: [on Mona Luvsitt] Is she your valet - or your personal assassin?

Garak: Kiss the girl, get the key - they never taught me *that* in the Obsidian Order.

Garak: There comes a time when the odds are against you, and the only reasonable course of action is to quit!
Dr. Julian Bashir: Quit?
Garak: Yes!
Dr. Julian Bashir: Is that what they taught you at the Obsidian Order?

Garak: You're such a - forgive me - a talkative man, and it's so unusual for you to have secrets.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Well, I must have picked up that habit from you.

Garak: I only want to point out that your lovely companion is leaving. Odd - she seemed so interested in your advances just a moment ago. I wonder what scared her away.
[Bashir glares at him]
Garak: Oh no! I do apologize. You must be incensed. In fact, if I were in your shoes, I'd grab a bottle of champagne and shoot me.

[Bashir has shot at Garak, who is lightly bleeding from his neck]
Dr. Julian Bashir: You'll be fine. It's just a flesh wound.
Garak: That was awfully close. What if you'd killed me?
Dr. Julian Bashir: What makes you think I wasn't trying?
Garak: Doctor, I do believe there's hope for you yet.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Well, I'm so relieved!

Garak: Don't worry, Doctor, we're going to have a wonderful time. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

Garak: I don't know if I've made this explicit to you or not, Doctor, but I really don't want to die chained to a 20th-century laser!

Dr. Julian Bashir: [to Honey Bare] What a waste... that no one can see what a beautiful woman you are.
Garak: Is that your plan?
Dr. Julian Bashir: Shut up!

Dr. Julian Bashir: [to Honey Bare] You know, your hair... would look so much better if it were free.
Garak: I must say, Doctor, this is more than I ever wanted to know about your fantasy life.

Garak: It's time to face reality, Doctor. You're a man who dreams of being a hero because you know, deep down, that you're not. I'm no hero either, but I do know how to make a choice. And I'm choosing to save myself.

Garak: [on the 1964-style decoration of Dr. Noah's lair] Another decorator's nightmare. This era had a distinct lack of taste.

Garak: Interesting. You saved the day by destroying the world.
Dr. Julian Bashir: I bet they didn't teach you *that* at the Obsidian Order.

Garak: Well, who am I to question Julian Bashir, secret agent?

Dr. Julian Bashir: What's the matter, Garak? Have I bruised your ego by play-acting at something you take so very seriously?
Garak: That's something else you've yet to learn, Doctor. A real intelligence agent *has* no ego, no conscience, no remorse, only a sense of professionalism. And mine is telling me that it's time to go.

[last lines]
Dr. Julian Bashir: Lunch tomorrow?
Garak: Of course. But, why don't we have it at your place, in Hong Kong? Unless, of course, this was your last mission.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Oh, I think it's safe to say that Julian Bashir, secret agent... will return.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Empok Nor (#5.24)" (1997)
Chief O'Brien: So what did Captain Sisko do to persuade you to come along?
Garak: How do you know I didn't volunteer?

Chief O'Brien: What's the matter?
Garak: Well, it's just that... Lately I've noticed everyone seems to trust me. It's quite unnerving, I'm still trying to get used to it. Next thing I know, people are going to be inviting me to their homes for dinner.
Chief O'Brien: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I promise I will never have you over.
Garak: I appreciate that, Chief.

[O'Brien intends to dock the Runabout on the upper pylon]
Nog: Won't the airlock have booby traps?
Garak: Oh, you can count on it. And someone's going to have to disarm them before we dock.
Nog: I volunteer, sir!
Garak: The scanner in the airlock might mistake your enthusiasm as Cardassian, but not your DNA.

[Garak challenges O'Brien to a game of kotra, a Cardassian strategy game, appealing to O'Brien's experience as a former soldier]
Chief O'Brien: I'm not a soldier anymore. I'm an engineer.
Garak: I see. So when you and Dr. Bashir go into the holosuites for hours at a time, you're just repairing them?

Chief O'Brien: [referring to Garak] If he thinks he can neutralize the Cardassians, let him try. He'd be doing us all a favor.
Garak: That's the spirit. Why don't you come with me, Chief? Kill a few "Cardies"? It'll be like old times.

Garak: What is it, Chief?
Chief O'Brien: You look different.
Garak: How so?
Chief O'Brien: That's not the face of a tailor.
Garak: I'm not a tailor... Not for the moment anyway.

Garak: Asking a Ferengi to play a Cardassian game is like asking a Klingon to chew with his mouth closed.

Nog: How did you get in here? Both doors are secure.
Garak: Secure is such a relative term, wouldn't you agree?

Amaro: [on the death of Boq'ta] He asked me to get a coil spanner for him. I just turned my back for a second...
Garak: That's a shame... And the worst part of it is - this isn't a coil spanner...

Garak: [referring to kotra] I can't help thinking what a perfect metaphor this game is for our present situation. Hm? Two players, two minds, two strategies, each trying to outmaneuver the other, testing the enemy's defenses - advancing, retreating. The only difference is that in the game *we're* playing, the stakes are life and death. Which makes it so much more interesting. I haven't had this much fun in years!

Garak: This is the most exciting game I've played in years.
Chief O'Brien: It's not a game!
Garak: Oh, but it is. And the best thing about it is that it brings out the player's true nature.

Garak: You're a killer, admit it. We both are. Behind your Federation mask of decency and benevolence you're a predator, just like me.
Chief O'Brien: No... I'm nothing like you.

Garak: You have no idea how hard it is to keep from pulling this trigger.

Pechetti: [about Cardassian soldiers] "Death to all." That was their motto.
Garak: Three simple words. And they certainly sum up their credo nicely.

Chief O'Brien: Julian tells me the blast broke a couple of your ribs.
Garak: Well, it could have been worse. If I had been any closer to that phaser it would have killed me.
Chief O'Brien: Don't take this the wrong way but... that was the plan.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Improbable Cause (#3.20)" (1995)
[first lines]
Elim Garak: I'm sorry, Doctor, I just don't see the value of this man's work.
Dr. Julian Bashir: But Garak, Shakespeare is one of the giants of Human literature.
Elim Garak: I knew Brutus was going to kill Caesar in the first act; but Caesar didn't figure it out until the knife was in his back.
Dr. Julian Bashir: But that's what makes it a tragedy. Caesar couldn't conceive that his best friend would plot to kill him.
Elim Garak: Tragedy is not the word I'd use. Farce would be more appropriate.

Elim Garak: The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.

[Bashir tells Garak the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf]
Dr. Julian Bashir: It's a children's story, about a young shepherd boy who gets lonely while tending his flock. So he cries out to the villagers that a wolf is attacking the sheep. The people come running, but of course there's no wolf. He claims that it's run away and the villagers praise him for his vigilance.
Elim Garak: Clever lad. Charming story.
Dr. Julian Bashir: I'm not finished. The next day, the boy does it again, and the next too. And on the fourth day a wolf really comes. The boy cries out at the top of his lungs, but the villagers ignore him, and the boy, and his flock, are gobbled up.
Elim Garak: Well, that's a little graphic for children, wouldn't you say?
Dr. Julian Bashir: But the point is, if you lie all the time, nobody's going to believe you, even when you're telling the truth.
Elim Garak: Are you sure that's the point, Doctor?
Dr. Julian Bashir: Of course. What else could it be?
Elim Garak: That you should never tell the same lie twice.

Commander Sisko: Someone tried to kill you, Garak. Whoever it was may try again, so if I were you, I would give this matter some serious thought.
Elim Garak: Well, let me see. I mean, there's the Nausicaan whose wedding suit I misplaced; and the Yridian I owe money to; and of course, there's always Major Kira.
Dr. Julian Bashir: This is serious, Garak.
Elim Garak: I'm being serious. I don't think she likes me.
Odo: She doesn't. But if she wanted you dead, you would be.
Elim Garak: You do have a point.

Elim Garak: You wanted to see me.
Odo: I have bad news for you. Major Kira has an airtight alibi.

Commander Sisko: Could this attempt on your life have anything to do with the reason you were exiled from Cardassia?
Elim Garak: I seriously doubt the Finance Ministry would try to have me killed for failure to pay my taxes.

Dr. Julian Bashir: Is there anything you need me to do while you're gone?
Elim Garak: Like what?
Dr. Julian Bashir: I don't know. Any unfinished business?
Elim Garak: Actually, Doctor, there is something.
Dr. Julian Bashir: What?
Elim Garak: If you go into my quarters and examine the bulkhead next to the replicator, you'll notice there's a false panel. Behind that panel is a compartment containing an isolinear rod. If I'm not back within 78 hours, I want you to take that rod... and eat it.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Eat it?
Elim Garak: [affirmatively] Mm.
Dr. Julian Bashir: You're joking.
Elim Garak: Yes doctor, I am.

[Garak is putting in a transmission code]
Odo: That's an interesting way of scrambling a signal.
Elim Garak: Yes, I thought you might appreciate it on an esthetic level.

[Garak is going through passenger lists in Odo's office]
Elim Garak: Don't worry about me, Constable. I can manage on my own.
Odo: I'm not about to leave you alone in here so you can look through my security files.
Elim Garak: What makes you think I haven't already looked through them?
[Odo reacts alarmed]
Elim Garak: I'm joking, of course.
Odo: [less than convinced] Of course...

Elim Garak: It's been my observation... that you always act from a sense of justice, or at least what you consider justice. There's no feeling behind what you do, no emotion beyond a certain distaste for loose ends and disorder. You don't know what it means to care about someone, do you? People are just interesting creatures to be studied and analyzed.
Odo: Is there any point to this?
Elim Garak: Only that... I find it interesting that you ascribe feelings and motivations to me that you know nothing about. Or am I wrong? Tell me - is there one person in this universe you do care for? One person who's more than just an interesting puzzle to be solved? Is there, Odo? Anyone?
Odo: If there were, I certainly wouldn't tell you.
Elim Garak: [smiles] And that would be a wise decision.

Elim Garak: The Flaxian left two minutes ago. If we're going to follow him we'd better get moving.
Odo: What makes you think I'm going to follow him?
Elim Garak: I happen to know that you're too dogged an investigator to allow the only witness in this case to simply disappear.
Odo: Oh, congratulations, your powers of deduction are truly astonishing. Now, if you will kindly disembark, I will get on with my "dogged" investigation.

Odo: I think you secretly enjoyed destroying your own shop.
Elim Garak: Well, I admit watching it burn wasn't exactly tragic.

Elim Garak: Head for the Cardassian border. We're going to the third planet of the Unefra system.
Odo: How do you know that's where Tain has gone?
Elim Garak: I don't. But he has a safe house there that no one's supposed to know about, especially me.

[last lines]
[Tain has offered Garak to join the Order again and take his place by Tain's side]
Odo: Garak, this is the man who put you into exile, this is the man who just two days ago tried to have you killed.
Elim Garak: Yes, he is. But it doesn't matter.
[he walks over to Tain and clasps his arm]
Elim Garak: I'm back.

Garak: Never tell the same lie twice.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: In Purgatory's Shadow (#5.14)" (1997)
Elim Garak: You've come a long way from the naive young man I met five years ago. You've become distrustful and suspicious. It suits you.
Doctor Bashir: I had a good teacher.

Elim Garak: Lying is a skill like any other, and if you want to maintain a level of excellence you have to practice constantly.
Worf: Practice on someone else.
Elim Garak: Mr. Worf, you're no fun at all.
Worf: Good!

Elim Garak: I just don't see why these runabout replicators can't provide a more varied menu. I'd like to get my hands on that fellow Earl Grey and tell him a thing or two about... tea leaves.

Doctor Bashir: So let me get this straight: you want me to lie to my commanding officer, violate Starfleet regulations and go with you on a mission into the Gamma Quadrant, which will probably get us both killed.
Elim Garak: I'm ready when you are.

Elim Garak: Remember: it's not just Tain we're looking for. The Maryland, the Proxima, the Sarajevo, Starfleet ships that have been lost in the Gamma Quadrant for years; and their crews - brave soldiers, warriors of the Federation unaccounted for... We owe it to them to do everything in our power to find them and bring them home. It's the honorable thing to do.
Worf: You use that word, but you have no idea what it means.
Elim Garak: Maybe not. But you do.

Worf: [referring to Tain] What is wrong with him?
Martok: It's his heart.
Elim Garak: Really? There are many people who'd say he doesn't have one.

Enabran Tain: A man shouldn't allow his enemies to outlive him.
Elim Garak: Then you can die happy - unless you still consider me your enemy.

Enabran Tain: Elim - promise me one thing.
Elim Garak: I'm listening.
Enabran Tain: Don't die here. Escape. Live.
Elim Garak: Let me guess - so that I can make the Dominion pay for what they've done to you?
Enabran Tain: You wouldn't deny an old man his revenge, would you?
Elim Garak: I'll do as you ask - on one condition: that you don't ask me this favor as a mentor or a superior officer - but as a father asking his son.

Enabran Tain: Elim - remember that day in the country? You must have been almost five.
Elim Garak: How can I forget it? It was the only day.
Enabran Tain: I can still see you... on the back of that riding hound. You must have fallen off a dozen times. But you never gave up.
Elim Garak: I remember limping home... You held my hand.
Enabran Tain: I was very proud of you... that day...
[he dies]

Elim Garak: Let this be a lesson to you, Doctor, perhaps the most valuable one I can ever teach you: sentiment is the greatest weakness of all.
Dr. Julian Bashir: If that's true, it's a lesson I'd rather not learn.

Elim Garak: [after being released from the parapet] You know, I think that actually helped my back.

Elim Garak: [to Dukat] You do have a lovely daughter. She must take after her mother.

Elim Garak: [Garak, feeling angry and feeling rejected by his father] I should have never have come here. I should have let that monster die forgotten and alone.
Elim Garak: Well frankly I'm glad you came, misery loves company.
Doctor Bashir: All my life, I've done nothing but try to please that man. I let him mold me, let him turn me into a mirror image of himself. And how did he repay me? With exile. But I forgave him. And here, in the end, I thought maybe, just maybe, he could forgive me.
Doctor Bashir: From what I've seen of him over the past month he doesn't come across as the forgiving type.
Elim Garak: I've been a fool. Let this be a lesson to you, Doctor - perhaps the most valuable one I can ever teach you. Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all.
Doctor Bashir: If that's true, it's a lesson I'd rather not learn.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Profit and Loss (#2.18)" (1994)
Dr. Julian Bashir: Assuming you're not a spy... then maybe you're an outcast.
Elim Garak: Or maybe I'm an outcast spy.
Dr. Julian Bashir: How could you be both?
Elim Garak: I never said I was either.

Dr. Julian Bashir: Before you can be loyal to another, you must be loyal to yourself.
Elim Garak: And who can we thank for those misguided words of wisdom? Sarek, of Vulcan?
Dr. Julian Bashir: Actually it was Bashir, of Earth.

Elim Garak: Toran!
Gul Toran: It's Gul Toran now.
Elim Garak: They made you a Gul? I didn't realize the situation on Cardassia had gotten so desperate.

Elim Garak: Mr. Quark, might I offer you some free advice?
Quark: As long as I'm under no obligation to follow it.

Elim Garak: All you really need to know right now is that the return of Hogue and Rekelen is in the best interest of the Cardassian Empire.
Commander Sisko: Or at least in the best interest of the Cardassian military.
Elim Garak: Is there a difference?

Elim Garak: I've been in this business a long time, and I know there's nothing worse than following the wrong trend. Now, you're a smart fellow, with your own inimitable sense of style. Perhaps... you should mention this to your lady friend. I'd hate to see her fall victim to fashion.
Quark: Would you like to explain that?
Elim Garak: She's chosen to associate herself with some rather flamboyant companions. It would be a tragedy if she got in the way, when her friends go out of fashion.

Elim Garak: You'd be surprised how detrimental a poor choice of fashion can be. Take this dress: it may be all the rage now, but in a very short time it can become tiresome, an affront to the eyes. Certain people might even think it's objectionable. And then...
[he tears the dress apart]
Elim Garak: ...nothing but rags.

Quark: If anyone tries to harm her, they're gonna have to deal with me!
Elim Garak: And what are you going to do? Short-change them at the dabo table?

Elim Garak: [after killing Gul Toran] Well, some people should never be promoted.

Elim Garak: Oh, and if you'd like, stop by the shop one day. I have a number of suits that would look quite flattering on you.

Quark: I'm gonna see to it that every Ferengi on the station shops in your store.
Elim Garak: Ah, that alone makes it all worthwhile!

[last lines]
Quark: You have to tell me: why'd you do it - shoot Toran?
Elim Garak: Why did you let Professor Lang go?
Quark: I've no choice; I love her.
Elim Garak: And I love Cardassia. Which is why I had to do what I did.
Quark: I don't understand.
Elim Garak: That's the thing about love - no one really understands it, do they?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Die Is Cast (#3.21)" (1995)
[the Cardassian/Romulan fleet is under attack]
Enabran Tain: How could this be? What could have happened?
Elim Garak: I'm afraid the fault, dear Tain, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.
Enabran Tain: What?
Elim Garak: Something I learned from Doctor Bashir.

[Tain wants to have Odo interrogated by Lovok]
Elim Garak: I brought Odo here. He's my prisoner and my responsibility.
Enabran Tain: You don't have to do this.
Elim Garak: Yes, I do. And I think we both know that you won't trust me, until I do.

Odo: Garak, this is pointless. There's nothing I can tell you about the Founders that you don't already know.
Elim Garak: I wish I could believe that.
Odo: Then why don't you?
Elim Garak: Because you and I are so alike. We both value our privacy, our secrets. That's why I know there's something about the Founders you haven't told anyone, something you didn't even share with Starfleet and Commander Sisko. Hm? But you are going to tell *me*, Odo.
Odo: There's nothing to tell!
Elim Garak: Well, perhaps something will come to you. I can wait. The question is - can you?

[Odo has suggested that a tailor's shop on the Promenade might find more approval from Sisko than a massage facility]
Elim Garak: Do you know what the sad part is, Odo? I'm a very *good* tailor.

Elim Garak: [to Odo] You really must stop reading those human crime novels Chief O'Brien gives you. It's poisoning your thinking.

[last lines]
Odo: Garak... I was thinking that you and I should have breakfast together sometime.
Elim Garak: Why, Constable - I thought you didn't eat.
Odo: I don't.

Elim Garak: [Enters with two Romulans] I realized it must be nearly time for you to return to your liquid state, so I thought I'd bring you something to relax in.
[Gives him a bowl]
Odo: [Dubious] How kind...
Elim Garak: But before you go for a swim, I have some questions I'd like to ask you.
Odo: I have nothing to say.
Elim Garak: Well I had hoped a few hours alone would jog your memory but I see that I'm going to have to take some steps I had hoped to avoid.
[the Romulans set up a device on the table]
Odo: [Heavily sarcastic] Oh no... You're going to *torture* me, aren't you? How I've been dreading this! *Please* have mercy Garak!

Doctor Bashir: [Looks at Garak's black eye] Oh, that looks painful.
Elim Garak: It is. But it did saved my life.

Lovok: [to Garak] You will not enter the Bridge, or any other secured space aboard this ship unescorted. If you do so, you will be killed.
Elim Garak: [to Tain] Direct isn't he?

Lovok: [just as Odo and Garak are to make their escape, Colonel Lovok arrives armed with a disruptor, but he then hands Odo a PADD] You will need this in order to gain access to your Runabout.
Odo: [surprised] Why are you doing this?
Lovok: Because no Changeling has ever harmed another.
Elim Garak: [even more surprised] You are one of the Founders.
Odo: [with realisation] Of course. This whole plan was the Founders' idea in the first place. You wanted the Tal Shiar and the Obsidian Order to combine forces and come into the Gamma Quadrant so you could wipe them out.
Lovok: Not exactly. Tain originated the plan, and when we learned of it, we did everything we could to carry it forward. The Tal Shiar and the Obsidian Order are both ruthless, efficient organisations. A definite threat to us.
Odo: [his realisation is deepening] But not after today.
Lovok: After today, the only real threats to us from the Alpha Quadrant are the Klingons and the Federation. And I doubt either of them will be a threat for much longer.
[the Lovok Changeling steps towards Odo, as this conversation clearly excludes Garak]
Lovok: It is not too late for you, Odo. Come with me. You can still become one with the Great Link - if you wish.
Odo: [Odo leaves that last sentence up in the air for a moment before he responds] Thankyou, but my answer is still no.
[the Lovok Changeling returns to his previous position and then beams away in a Dominion transporter]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Wire (#2.22)" (1994)
Elim Garak: My dear Doctor...

Elim Garak: Doctor, did anyone ever tell you that you are an infuriating pest?
Dr. Julian Bashir: Chief O'Brien ALL the time, and I don't pay any attention to him either.

Elim Garak: Here, I've brought you something.
Dr. Julian Bashir: What is it?
Elim Garak: "Meditations on a Crimson Shadow", by Preloc.
Dr. Julian Bashir: More Cardassian literature?
Elim Garak: I think you'll find this one more to your taste. It takes place in the future, during a time when Cardassia and the Klingon Empire are at war.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Who wins?
Elim Garak: Who do you think?
Dr. Julian Bashir: Never mind, don't tell me. I don't want you to spoil the ending.

Dr. Julian Bashir: Listen to me, Garak. I've had just about enough of your nonsense. Now, you're coming back to the Infirmary with me.
Elim Garak: Oh, I don't think so. Believe me when I tell you, there's nothing you can do for me.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Oh. And Quark can, is that it?
Elim Garak: I thought *I* was supposed to be the spy.

Dr. Julian Bashir: [examining a hypospray Garak has been using] Triptacederine? How much of this did you take?
Elim Garak: A mere thirty ccs - not nearly enough, I'm afraid.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Thirty ccs would anesthetize an Algorian mammoth.
Elim Garak: Oh, we Cardassians must be made of sterner stuff. I barely feel it.

Elim Garak: My implant was given to me by Enabran Tain himself, the head of the Obsidian Order. If I was ever tortured, it was designed to stimulate the pleasure centers of my brain, to trigger the production of vast amounts of natural endorphins. I do hope you appreciate the irony, Doctor. The whole purpose of the implant was to make me immune to pain.
Dr. Julian Bashir: What caused it to malfunction?
Elim Garak: It was never meant for continuous use.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Continuous use? What do you mean?
Elim Garak: Living on this station is torture for me, Doctor. The temperature is always too cold, the lights always too bright, every Bajoran on the station looks at me with loathing and contempt. So one day, I decided I couldn't live with it anymore. And I took the pain away.

Elim Garak: Has it ever occurred to you that I might be getting exactly what I deserve?
Dr. Julian Bashir: No one deserves this.
Elim Garak: Oh, please, Doctor. I'm suffering enough without having to listen to your smug Federation sympathy. And you think that because we have lunch together once a week you know me? You couldn't even begin to fathom what I'm capable of.
Dr. Julian Bashir: I am a doctor. You're my patient. That's all I need to know.

[Garak tells Bashir how during the war he once let some Bajoran prisoners escape]
Dr. Julian Bashir: And so they exiled you.
Elim Garak: That's right! And left me, to live out my days with nothing to look forward to but having lunch with you.
Dr. Julian Bashir: I'm sorry you feel that way. I thought you enjoyed my company.
Elim Garak: Oh, I did. And that's the worst part. I can't believe that I actually enjoyed eating mediocre food and staring into your smug, sanctimonious face. I hate this place, and I hate you.

[last lines]
Dr. Julian Bashir: You know, I still have a lot of questions to ask you about your past.
Elim Garak: I have given you all the answers I'm capable of.
Dr. Julian Bashir: You've given me answers all right; but they were all different. What I want to know is, out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?
Elim Garak: My dear Doctor, they're all true.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Even the lies?
Elim Garak: Especially the lies.

Dr. Julian Bashir: [Garak is struck by a sudden headache] Are you all right?
Elim Garak: I'm fine.
Dr. Julian Bashir: You don't look fine. Your skin is clammy and your pupils have contracted.
Elim Garak: I assure you. I'm in perfect health. Now, you were asking about other Cardassian novels... Something maybe a little more accessible...
[Garak feels another headache coming on]
Dr. Julian Bashir: "Perfect health". Then Cardassian standards must be a little lower than mine. Come on.
Elim Garak: Doctor, what do you're think you're doing?
Dr. Julian Bashir: Taking you to the Infirmary.
Elim Garak: That won't be necessary.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Maybe not, but humour me.
Elim Garak: Frankly Doctor, I'm getting a little tired of humoring you. There's nothing wrong with me that a little peace and privacy wouldn't cure. Now, if you'll excuse me. I seem to have lost my appetite.
[Garak walks away but that headache still hasn't gone]
Major Kira: [Kira's also at the Replimat and witnessing the whole thing, walks up to Bashir] What was that all about?
Dr. Julian Bashir: I have no idea.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: In the Pale Moonlight (#6.19)" (1998)
Captain Sisko: Who's watching Tolar?
Garak: I've locked him in his quarters. I've also left him with the distinct impression that if he attempts to force the door open, it may explode.
Captain Sisko: I hope that's just an impression.
Garak: It's best not to dwell on such minutiae.

Garak: If you can allow your anger to subside for a moment, you'll see that they did *not* die in vain! The Romulans will enter the war!
Captain Sisko: There's no guarantee of that!
Garak: Oh, but I think that there is. You see, when the Tal Shiar finishes examining the wreckage of Vreenak's shuttle, they'll find the burnt remnants of a Cardassian optolythic data rod which somehow miraculously survived the explosion. After painstaking forensic examination, they'll discover that the rod contains a recording of a high-level Dominion meeting, at which the invasion of Romulus was being planned.
Captain Sisko: And then they'll discover that it is a *fraud*!
Garak: Oh, I don't think they will! Because any imperfections in the forgery will appear to be a result of the explosion. So - with a seemingly legitimate rod in one hand, and a dead senator in the other, I ask you, Captain - what conclusion would you draw?

Elim Garak: That's why you came to me, isn't it, Captain? Because you knew I could do those things that you weren't capable of doing? Well, it worked. And you'll get what you want: a war between the Romulans and the Dominion. And if your conscience is bothering you, you should soothe it with the knowledge that you may have just saved the entire Alpha Quadrant. And all it cost was the life of one Romulan senator, one criminal, and the self-respect of one Starfleet officer. I don't know about you, but I'd call that a bargain.

Tolar: [about the forged data rod] It will pass. You'll see: It - will - pass.
Garak: I sincerely hope so. Now why don't you go back to your quarters? I'll be along shortly to say... hello.

Garak: To do what you're asking would use up every resource I have left on Cardassia. And it may be a very messy, very... bloody business. Are you prepared for that?
Captain Sisko: I posted my fourteenth casualty list this morning. I'm already involved in a very messy, very bloody business.

Garak: The less I'm seen parading through Ops, the better.
Captain Sisko: I couldn't agree more.

Garak: Vreenak believes he's on the winning side, so until you can prove otherwise, you may have to put up with a certain... acerbic attitude.
Captain Sisko: Er, Mr. Garak, after having spent a week with you, I have developed a very, very thick skin.

Tolar: [Tolar has just finished a holographic forgery showing the plan for a Dominion invasion of Romulus in order to trick the Romulans into joining the war against the Dominion] Well, it's been a pleasure doing business with you gentlemen. Call me again if you ever need...
Captain Sisko: [interrupting] You're not going anywhere.
Tolar: What do you mean?
Captain Sisko: I mean you're not leaving until your work has been accepted by our client.
Tolar: [flying into a tantrum] That isn't fair! You can't keep me here against my will! I haven't done anything wrong! We had an agreement!
Captain Sisko: [Sisko grabs Tolar and slams him against a wall of the Holosuite] I am making a new agreement. If that program passes inspection, you go free. But if there is even the tiniest flaw, I will send you back to that Klingon prison and tell Gowron to take his time when he executes you!
Tolar: [Tolar's bluster evaporates and he becomes much more obseqious] It'll pass. You'll see. It will pass.
Garak: [pleasantly] I sincerely hope so. Now, why don't you go wait in your quarters. I'll be along shortly to say... hello.

Garak: [to Sisko] When the Senator arrives, you will show him a holographic recording of a secret meeting held at the highest levels of the Dominion in which the planned invasion of Romulus is being discussed. You will tell the Senator that this information was obtained through various covert means at great cost to the Federation - "at least ten good men lost their lives bringing it across the lines" - that sort of thing.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Things Past (#5.8)" (1996)
Elim Garak: I took the liberty of borrowing this from the gentleman who thought my nose needed adjustment.
Odo: I see I'm going to have to add the word "pickpocket" to your resume.
Elim Garak: It's only a hobby.

Captain Sisko: This is Terok Nor, DS9 during the Occupation.
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: Time travel?
Elim Garak: Er, no, it's more than that, our clothes have changed.
Odo: Could we be in a holosuite?
Captain Sisko: [testing] Computer, end program.
[nothing happens]
Captain Sisko: Let's assume that's a "no" for the moment.

[the crew in the runabout are discussing the conference on Bajor they are returning from]
Captain Sisko: I thought the Bajorans bent over backwards to be polite to you, Garak.
Elim Garak: Giving me a name tag that read, 'Elim Garak - Former Cardassian Oppressor' was hardly polite.
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: And what did you want it to say - 'Former Spy'?

Elim Garak: [to Odo] It seems you have quite a fan club on Bajor. I half expected you to be signing autographs at the end.

[Odo, Sisko and Garak appear with the identities of Timor, Ishan and Jillur respectively]
Odo: Timor, Ishan and Jillur were the names of three Bajorans who were accused of attempting to assassinate Gul Dukat on the Promenade.
Captain Sisko: Half the Resistance tried to kill Dukat.
Odo: These three were innocent. However, no one knew that at the time, and... Dukat wanted to make an example of them, so he had them led out onto the Promenade and publicly... executed.
Elim Garak: If we're them...
Captain Sisko: If we're them, we'd better find a way out of here before Dukat makes an example out of *us*.

Elim Garak: The Bajorans never did have a sense of style - turn the vase over and the Resistance appears!

Elim Garak: You'd think they'd put us in our own cell block instead of with the common criminals. After all, we are accused of attempting to assassinate the station commander. That deserves some respect!
Captain Sisko: [sardonically] Maybe they'll salute when they execute us.

Elim Garak: I never knew we were such messy conquerors. I remember the Occupation being a little more tidy than this.
Captain Sisko: Everything's tidy when someone else is doing the cleaning.

Elim Garak: [about cleaning work] The Bajorans were much more suited for this sort of thing than we were. Servile work is in their nature.
Captain Sisko: I'll remember to mention that to Major Kira when we get back.
Elim Garak: There are exceptions to every rule.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: By Inferno's Light (#5.15)" (1997)
Garak: There must be some misunderstanding. The last time I checked I *was* a Cardassian.

Doctor Bashir: I'm no engineer, and neither is Mr. Worf here. You on the other hand, my dear Mr. Garak, are a man of many hidden talents.
Garak: Hm...
Doctor Bashir: If you can't do it, nobody can.
Garak: It's nice to feel needed.

Garak: [working in a tight shaft] I only wish I was still a member of the Obsidian Order. This would make a wonderful interrogation chamber. Tight quarters, no air, bad lighting, random electric shocks - it's perfect.
Doctor Bashir: [from outside] Sounds like you're enjoying yourself.

Doctor Bashir: We have to come up with a new escape plan.
Garak: That won't be necessary. The original one will work; I just have to finish what I started. After all, a verse about the Cardassian who panicked in the face of danger would ruin General Martok's song.
General Martok: That would be unfortunate.

Garak: Now, if you'll excuse me - my dungeon awaits.

Garak: [working in the shaft] Tain, I don't know if you can hear me. But if you can, I just want you to know - you may not have been much of a father, but I really wish you were alive right now. That way you could be in here instead of me.

Lt. Commander Worf: Garak - you did well.
Garak: So did you.

Garak: [Ziyal is sitting in Quark's, only to see Garak walking in] Ziyal?
Garak: I told you I'd be back.
Ziyal: [Kisses him] I never doubted it.
[They embrace]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Distant Voices (#3.18)" (1995)
Doctor Bashir: I am aware that aging is part of the natural process of life; it's just that I don't wanna be reminded of it, that's all. And look, Garak - in two days I turn thirty. If I choose to be grumpy about it, that's my prerogative!
Garak: Oh, by all means, Doctor, be as grumpy as you like.
Doctor Bashir: Well, thank you for the support!

Garak: Your hair - it seems to be turning gray.
Doctor Bashir: So I've noticed.
Garak: I guess you had reason to feel worried about turning thirty after all. Either that, or your job is even more stressful than I thought.

Garak: I admire your tenacity, Doctor, but it's over. Look at yourself. Your bones are as brittle as twigs, you can't catch your breath; you can't even stand, let alone walk.
Doctor Bashir: But other than that, I feel wonderful!

Quark: You know, we just introduced a new lunch menu at the bar.
Doctor Bashir: [edgy] Goodbye, Quark.
Garak: Don't take it personally. He's turning thirty.

[last lines]
Garak: You know, Doctor, what I find most fascinating about this entire incident is how your unconscious mind chose people you know to represent the various parts of your personality.
Doctor Bashir: Well, it did make things interesting.
Garak: And what I find interesting, is how your mind ended up casting me in the role of the villain.
Doctor Bashir: Oh, I wouldn't read too much into that, Garak.
Garak: Oh, how can I not? To think, after all this time, all our lunches together, you still don't trust me. There is hope for you yet, Doctor.

Doctor Bashir: One thing's for sure, you know. After experiencing life at a hundred plus, turning thirty doesn't seem that bad anymore.
Garak: In that case: happy birthday.

Doctor Bashir: [describing the real Altovar after surviving his telepathic attack] He barely got two meters before Odo arrested him.
Garak: It sounds like he was a lot more dangerous in your mind than he was in the real world.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Second Skin (#3.5)" (1994)
Garak: Treason, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

[Sisko is "inviting" Garak to join him and Odo on a rescue mission to Cardassia]
Garak: You can't be serious! Commander, if I were allowed on Cardassia, do you really think I'd be living here?
Commander Sisko: Which brings up an interesting point. There're certain ministers in the Bajoran government who are concerned about your presence on the station; in fact, they want you removed. Right now, I see no alternative but to honor their request, unless of course... I can show them how you might be valuable to us.
Odo: Rescuing Kira would go a long way toward improving your standing with the Bajoran government.
Garak: Why should I care what the Bajoran government thinks of me?
Commander Sisko: I don't know. But it seems to me, if someone were in trouble with the Cardassian Central Command, a Bajoran space station under Federation control might just be the safest place in the galaxy.
Garak: Commander, this is extortion.
Commander Sisko: Mmm... Yes, it is.

Garak: I'll go along on your fool's errand, but I want one thing to be perfectly clear: I have no intention of sacrificing my life to save yours. If it looks like we're in danger of being captured, if there's any sign of trouble at all, you're on your own!
Commander Sisko: Mr. Garak, I believe that's the first completely honest thing you've ever said to me.

Entek: Garak, what are you doing here?
Garak: I got homesick.

Garak: Major, I don't think I've ever seen you looking so ravishing.
[on Kira's Cardassian appearance]

[Sisko, Odo and Garak have managed to track Kira down to Ghemor's house]
Major Kira: How did you...
Garak: Suffice it to say, I still have friends on Cardassia.
Garak: [to Entek] You will, no doubt, derive years of enjoyment trying to determine exactly who they are.

Garak: A pity. I rather liked him.
[after vaporizing Entek]

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Way of the Warrior (#4.1)" (1995)
Doctor Bashir: They broke seven of your transverse ribs and fractured your clavicle.
Elim Garak: But I got off several cutting remarks which no doubt did serious damage to their egos.
Doctor Bashir: Garak, this isn't funny.
Elim Garak: I'm serious, Doctor. Thanks to your ministrations, I am almost completely healed. But the damage I did to them will last a lifetime.

[a group of Klingons invade the tailor's shop]
Elim Garak: Well, let me guess. You're either lost, or desperately searching for a good tailor.
Drex: Guess again!
[knocks Garak down]

Quark: I want you to try something for me. Take a sip of this.
Elim Garak: What is it?
Quark: A human drink. It's called root beer.
Elim Garak: [unwilling] Uh, I don't know...
Quark: Come on, aren't you just a little bit curious?
[Garak sighs, takes a sip and gags]
Quark: What do you think?
Elim Garak: It's *vile*!
Quark: I know. It's so bubbly, and cloying, and *happy*.
Elim Garak: Just like the Federation.
Quark: But you know what's really frightening? If you drink enough of it, you begin to *like* it.
Elim Garak: It's insidious!
Quark: *Just* like the Federation.

Odo: I didn't know you spoke Klingon.
Elim Garak: Oh, you'd be surprised at the things you can learn when you're doing alterations.

Elim Garak: What I can't understand is that inexplicable hostility toward me. Maligning Constable Odo was one thing; after all he's a changeling. The Klingons don't know him as well as we do. But relations between the Klingon and Cardassian Empires have never been anything but amicable.
Doctor Bashir: With the exception of the Betreka Nebula incident.
Elim Garak: A minor skirmish.
Doctor Bashir: It lasted eighteen years!
Elim Garak: It was ages ago. Perhaps... they've decided they just didn't like me.
Doctor Bashir: [ironic] Not like you? Impossible.

Elim Garak: How thoughtless of me not to consider the effects the destruction of my home world would have on your business; These must be trying times for you, be brave.

Gul Dukat: [Garak is hurrying down a corridor to help defend the members of the Detapa Council when he runs into an armed Dukat and a Starfleet security detachment] That's close enough, Garak.
Elim Garak: I just wanted to make sure the council members were safe.
Gul Dukat: Hoping, no doubt, that your concern would curry political favour?
Elim Garak: Oh, and I take it your concern for the council members is motivated strictly by patriotism?
Gul Dukat: The council members are well aware of my patriotism. And the sacrifices I was willing to make in order to save them. Now, why don't you go back to your tailor shop and sew something?
Elim Garak: Because if the Klingons do invade the station, you may just need my help.
[Garak draws a weapon of his own and stands next to Dukat]
Elim Garak: Who would have thought the two of us would be fighting side by side?
Gul Dukat: Just be sure when you fire that thing you're aiming it at a Klingon.
Elim Garak: I'll try to keep that in mind.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Rocks and Shoals (#6.2)" (1997)
Nog: You can either stay in front of me or walk beside me, but I won't turn my back on you again.
Elim Garak: Cadet, there may be hope for you yet.

Chief O'Brien: Reroute the damn gyrodyne through the damn thruster array.
Nog: Got it.
Captain Sisko: Mr. Garak, where are those ships now?
Garak: Bearing 310, Mark 215, still closing.
Chief O'Brien: Nog, did you reroute that damn gyrodyne?
Nog: I've tried, but the damn thruster array won't take the input.
Chief O'Brien: Try the lateral impulse thrusters and watch your mouth!

Garak: Lucky for you, it ripped on the seam.
Chief O'Brien: Can you fix it?
Garak: Unlucky for you, my sewing kit went down with the ship.

[Garak's tricorder is giving out an alarm]
Nog: What is it?
Garak: I'm not sure, but...
[a couple of Jem'Hadars materialize and apprehend Garak and Nog]
Garak: Now I'm sure.

Chief O'Brien: There are rules, Garak, even in a war.
Garak: Correction. Humans have rules in war. Rules that tend to make victory a little harder to achieve, in my opinion.

Elim Garak: [while doing a survey, Nog won't allow Garak to get behind him] What are you doing?
Nog: Following orders. The Captain told us to scan for fresh water or vegetation that might be...
Elim Garak: [interrupting] You know precisely what I mean. You're deliberately trying to stay behind me and I want to know why. Does this have something to do with that unfortunate business between you and me last year?
Nog: You tied me up and threatened to kill me.
Elim Garak: There were extenuating circumstances.
Nog: It happened. So you can either stay in front of me, or beside me. But I won't turn my back on you again.
Elim Garak: Cadet... there may be hope for you yet.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Cardassians (#2.5)" (1993)
Elim Garak: I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences.

[Garak is repairing the resettlement center's computers himself]
Doctor Bashir: I continue to underestimate you, Garak.
Elim Garak: Oh, it's no more difficult than sewing on a button actually. Excuse me.
[He takes an electronic loupe out of his eye]
Doctor Bashir: You carry this everywhere with you, do you?
Elim Garak: A simple tailoring tool. You'd be surprised how often someone needs their pants let out.

Elim Garak: Children without parents have no status in Cardassian society. The situation is most unfortunate, but I don't make the rules.
Doctor Bashir: But you *do* play the game, don't you, Garak? And there is a game being played right now as we speak, isn't there?
Elim Garak: There are always games, Doctor.
Doctor Bashir: The trouble is, I don't have the slightest idea what this game is all about. So you're gonna tell me what's going on inside that plain and simple head of yours, my Cardassian friend, or we're gonna sit here until we rot!

Elim Garak: Really, Doctor, must we always play this game? I'm no more a spy than you are a...
Doctor Bashir: ...a doctor.

Elim Garak: The Cardassians are quite meticulous record keepers, madam. They taught many worlds, including this one, how to keep records. I find it difficult to believe that none exist from that period. Certainly, computer entries were made on a regular basis?
Deela: I wouldn't know, I wasn't a volunteer then. I was in the underground.
Elim Garak: Really? Perhaps we *have* met!

Doctor Bashir: But there's one more question I haven't figured out, Garak. Why did you want to expose Dukat? What's the truth about you and him?
Elim Garak: Truth, Doctor, is in the eye of the beholder. I never tell the truth because I don't believe there is such a thing. That's why I prefer the straight-line simplicity of cutting cloth.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Search: Part 2 (#3.2)" (1994)
[Garak has knocked out Eddington in order to help Sisko escape from a holding cell]
Doctor Bashir: If I didn't know better, I'd say you were enjoying yourself, Garak.
Garak: Oh, not at all, Doctor, but after years of hemming women's dresses, a little action is a welcome change of pace.

Garak: There's an old saying on Cardassia: "Enemies make dangerous friends", and I fear the Dominion will make a very dangerous friend indeed.

Garak: Life is full of surprises, Commander.

Garak: I'm glad to see the plan is going as scheduled.
Jem'Hadar Soldier: What plan is that?
Garak: You mean no one told you? You see, I pretend to be their friend... and then I shoot you.

Doctor Bashir: Well, I guess this means the end of our Starfleet careers.
Garak: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, Doctor.
Lieutenant Jadzia Dax: Well, that's easy for you to say.
Garak: Oh, you misunderstand me, Lieutenant. All I meant was, it's a little foolish to worry about your careers at a time like this, when there's a good chance we're all about to be killed.

Garak: [his last words] Doctor, I'm afraid... I won't be able to have lunch with you today.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: What You Leave Behind (#7.25)" (1999)
Garak: [as his house is being destroyed] All during the years of my exile I imagined what it would be like to come home. I even thought of living in this house again, with Mila. But now she's dead, and this house is about to be reduced to a pile of rubble. My Cardassia is gone.
Colonel Kira Nerys: Then fight for a new Cardassia.
Garak: I have an even better reason, Commander: revenge.
Colonel Kira Nerys: That works too.

[Garak has killed Weyoun]
Female Shapeshifter: I wish you hadn't done that. That was Weyoun's last clone.
Garak: I was hoping you'd say that.

Garak: You know, some may say that we've gotten just what we deserved. After all, we're not entirely innocent, are we? And I'm not just speaking of the Bajoran occupation. No, our whole history is one of arrogant aggression. We've collaborated with the Dominion, betrayed the entire Alpha Quadrant... Oh, oh, no no, there's no doubt about it - we're guilty as charged.

Garak: You've been such a good friend. I'm going to miss our lunches together.
Doctor Bashir: I'm sure we'll see each other again.
Garak: I'd like to think so. But one can never say. We live in uncertain times.

[Garak's last line of the series]
Garak: I'd like to think so. But one can never say. We live in uncertain times.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Broken Link (#4.25)" (1996)
Garak: Where you offer kindness, I offer mystery. Where you offer sympathy, I offer intrigue. Just give me a seat next to Odo's bed and I promise you I'll conjure up enough innuendos, half-truths and bald-faced lies about my so-called career in the Obsidian Order to keep the Constable distracted for days.

[Worf catches Garak trying to gain access to the ship's weapons]
Garak: Don't tell me: I overlooked one of the security monitors.

Garak: Come now, Mr. Worf! You're a Klingon; don't tell me you'd object to a little genocide in the name of self-defense.

[Garak has called Odo to his shop to introduce him to Chalan Aroya, a Bajoran woman]
Odo: [after Aroya has left] The next time you call me, it had better be to report a crime.
Garak: Now that you mention it, I've just witnessed a crime. Letting Aroya walk out of here without arranging a date, you should be locked away for that!
Odo: [disgusted] You humanoids, you're all obsessed with these convoluted mating rituals.
Garak: True, but do you think we'd waste so much time on something that wasn't worthwhile?

Garak: On behalf of my people, I'd like to learn if there were any survivors after our attack on your homeland?
Female Shapeshifter: Cardassian survivors?
Garak: Yes.
Female Shapeshifter: There were no Cardassian survivors.
Garak: You mean... they're all dead?
Female Shapeshifter: They're dead. You're dead. Cardassia is dead. Your people were doomed the moment they attacked us.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Call to Arms (#5.26)" (1997)
Garak: Let me tell you a story. I once knew a Cardassian, a dashing, handsome young man with a promising career. But one day, through no fault of his own, he found himself exiled and alone, with nowhere to turn. But did he give up? No. He struck upon a brilliant plan. Instead of fleeing for the rest of his life, he sought shelter in the one place no one expected him to go: in a stronghold of his people's most hated enemies. There, surrounded by hostile strangers, he built a life, and there, against all odds, against the merciless logic of the universe itself... he thrived.
Ziyal: By becoming the greatest tailor in the galaxy!

Garak: I must say, Constable - I admire your composure. You're an island of tranquility in a sea of chaos.

Garak: I don't think I'd be very welcome on Bajor.
Ziyal: I'm not gonna be very popular there either.
Garak: My dear, you're half Bajoran. So at least half of you is going to be accepted.

Garak: When the Klingons attacked the station, Gul Dukat and I were fighting side by side. At one point, he turned his back to me, and I must admit that for a moment, he made a very tempting target.
Odo: You'd shoot a man in the back?
Garak: Well, it's the safest way, isn't it?

[Garak tells Odo how he once spared Dukat's life against his better judgment]
Odo: And now you regret it.
Garak: Ah, my dear Constable - before this day is over, everyone on this station is going to regret it.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Tacking Into the Wind (#7.22)" (1999)
Garak: Odo, I hope you know how much I...
Odo: If I don't want pity from the woman I love, why would I want it from you?

[Garak informs Kira about Odo's true condition]
Colonel Kira: I love him, Garak; you think I really wouldn't notice?
Garak: Why the pretense?
Colonel Kira: Because I also know that he doesn't want me to find out about it. He wants to put up a brave front and protect me from the truth, well fine. If that's what makes this easier for him, if that gives him one last shred of dignity to hold on to, then I'll go on ignoring what's happening to him until the very end.

Gul Rusot: You're still a Cardassian, Garak. You're not gonna kill one of your own people for a Bajoran woman.
Garak: How little you understand me.

Colonel Kira: Oh, that was stupid.
Garak: Not at all. Damar has a certain... romanticism about the past. He could use a dose of cold water.
Colonel Kira: Well, I could have picked a better time.
Garak: If he's the man to lead a new Cardassia, if he's the man we all hope him to be... then the pain of this news made him more receptive to what you said, not less.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Sacrifice of Angels (#6.6)" (1997)
Garak: I feel sorry for the Klingons. They're going to miss a very interesting fight.
Chief O'Brien: I have a feeling we're gonna miss them.

Garak: Er, Chief - how does that poem end?
Chief O'Brien: You don't wanna know.

Garak: Congratulations, Captain. You wanted them angry? They're angry!

[the Dominion ships in the wormhole have vanished into thin air]
Chief O'Brien: They've cloaked!
Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax: I'm not picking up any neutrino emissions.
Garak: Then... where did they go?
Captain Sisko: Wherever they went... I don't think they're coming back.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: A Time to Stand (#6.1)" (1997)
Garak: Ever since it's become public knowledge that you're genetically engineered, you used every opportunity to show off.
Doctor Bashir: I have nothing to hide anymore. I might as well use what I have.
Garak: Well - what are our chances? Over fifty percent?
Doctor Bashir: Thirty-two... point seven.
Garak: I'm sorry I asked.

Garak: You're not genetically engineered; you're a Vulcan.
Doctor Bashir: If I'm a Vulcan, then how do you explain my boyish smile?
Garak: Not so boyish anymore, Doctor.

[last lines]
[During a secret mission, Sisko and his crew lose their warp drive]
Garak: Forgive my ignorance, but if we don't have warp drive, how long is it gonna take us to reach the closest Federation starbase?
Captain Sisko: A long time, Mr. Garak.
Garak: How long?
Doctor Bashir: Seventeen years, two months and three days - give or take an hour.

Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax: Let's see... a radial geodesic in a thirty-nine Cochrane warp field contracts normal space at a rate of...
Doctor Bashir: [with confident authority] Full impulse one point three seconds before the bomb detonates.
Captain Sisko: Dax?
Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax: [off her console] The computer agrees with Julian.
Garak: Of course it does... they think alike.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Shattered Mirror (#4.19)" (1996)
Garak: The Intendant was bad enough. She was irrational, accusatory, unappreciative, but at least...
Regent Worf: At least... what?
Garak: At least... I was able to please her now and then.
Regent Worf: You are not my type!
Garak: I never said I was.

Regent Worf: Terek Nor will soon be ours again! Then you can spend the rest of your life contemplating your failure as you labour alongside the other slaves in the ore processing center!
Garak: It's nice to have something to look forward to.

Garak: Believe me, my Regent, it will take the blood of many rebels to quench the thirst of my revenge.
Regent Worf: [laughs] Spoken like a Klingon!
Garak: I'm trying.

[Regent Worf suspects Garak to have stolen a key]
Garak: You've searched me three times already. Where could I possibly be hiding it?
Regent Worf: Perhaps you swallowed it.
Garak: Impossible. I'm very particular about what I eat.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Afterimage (#7.3)" (1998)
Garak: Look at you. You're pathetic! A confused child, trying to live up to a legacy left by her predecessors. You're not worthy of the name 'Dax'. I knew Jadzia. She was vital, alive, she owned herself; and you - you don't even know who you are. How dare you presume to help me? You can't even help yourself! - Now get out of here, before I say something unkind.

[Garak has tried to force open the door of an airlock]
Garak: I can't believe the way I humiliated myself back there. I just... wanted to get out. I couldn't breathe.
Ensign Ezri Dax: If you were looking for fresh air, you sure were knocking on the wrong door.

Ezri Dax: Do you remember anything traumatic happening to you when you were young? Something involving being trapped in a confined space?
Garak: If I had been that careless, my father would have left me there, to teach me a lesson.

Garak: They have no idea that I broke their code. All those Cardassians are going to die because of me!
Ensign Ezri Dax: I suppose that's one way of looking at it.
Garak: What other way is there?
Ensign Ezri Dax: That by helping to end the war, you'll be saving lives.
Garak: Save lives? And what lives would I be saving? Human? Klingon? Romulan?
Ensign Ezri Dax: And Cardassian.
Garak: No, not Cardassians! They're going to fight to the bitter end; the Dominion will see to that. Don't you understand? Don't you see? I wanted to believe that I was helping my people, liberating them. But all I've done is to pave the way for their annihilation. I'm a traitor!

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Body Parts (#4.24)" (1996)
Garak: [to Morn] If you try the trousers on first, you'll see I've added some extra padding to the seat - which should make swiveling on your barstool much more comfortable.

[Garak sneaks up behind a holographic Quark and breaks his neck]
Garak: How's that?
Quark: Awful! Did you hear that sound of bone snapping? I don't want that to be the last thing I hear!
Garak: It wasn't that loud.
Quark: You don't have these ears. Snapping vertebrae is out!
Garak: We're running out of options, Quark. You don't want to be vaporized because you need a body; the disrupter ruined your clothing, the knife was too savage, the nerve gas smelled bad, hanging took too long, and poison... What was was wrong with poison?
Quark: It doesn't work! If I know the food is poisoned I won't eat it.
[... ]
Garak: For a man who wants to kill himself you're strangely determined to live.
Quark: I'm going to die, don't you worry about that. I just want to find the right way.
Garak: Right way?
Quark: I don't want to see it coming. Or hear it. Or feel it or smell it. I just want to go on with my life and then...
[snaps his fingers]
Quark: ...I'm dead!
Garak: Ah!
[snaps fingers too]
Garak: You want to be surprised!
Quark: Exactly! I want to wake up in the Divine Treasury and have no idea how I got there.
Garak: I see. Perhaps that can be arranged.
Quark: Really?
Garak: You have my word. You'll never know what hit you.

Quark: What's the most important thing in my life?
Garak: Business.
Quark: [to Rom] That's who I am. That's what I do, I'm a businessman, and more than that, I'm a Ferengi businessman. Do you know what that means? It means that I'm not exploiting and cheating people at random. I'm doing it according to a specific set of rules - the Rules of Acquisition. And I won't disregard them when I find them inconvenient.
Rom: Inconvenient? You're going to die!
Quark: Yes. And when I arrive at the gates of the Divine Treasury, the Registrar will accept my bribe and usher me inside; and do you know why? Because I died exactly the way I lived - as a Ferengi!

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Through the Looking Glass (#3.19)" (1995)
Garak: [of Captain Sisko] Well, I will say this for him: he did have spirit.
Intendant Kira: [sighs] Too much spirit can be a dangerous thing. Tends to... infect others.

Garak: With Sisko's death and the imminent completion of the transpectral sensor array, the Rebellion is certain to collapse.
Intendant Kira: You seem very sure of yourself.
Garak: I am.
Intendant Kira: I'll remember that. If the Rebellion continues, I'll know who to blame.

Intendant Kira: [of Captain Sisko] He always has to make things difficult.
Garak: It's one of his least endearing qualities.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Past Prologue (#1.2)" (1993)
[Garak has introduced himself to Dr. Bashir]
Garak: You may also know, I have a clothing shop nearby, so if you should require any apparel or simply wish, as I do, for a bit of enjoyable company now and then, I'm at your disposal, Doctor.

Doctor Bashir: You're very kind, Mr. Garak.
Garak: Oh, it's just Garak - plain, simple Garak.

Garak: Ah, an open mind, the essence of intellect.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Crossover (#2.23)" (1994)
Garak: He should die for this; we should make an example of him.
Intendant Kira: You have made a career out of setting examples, Garak. I think you enjoy it too much.
Garak: He could never have gotten on board that ship without help! This is the third incident in a month; at least allow me to interrogate him.
Intendant Kira: Fine, interrogate him. But if he dies under your interrogation, I will make you my example, is that clear?

Garak: She'll never let you leave, you know. Can't you tell? She is in love.
Major Kira: What're you talking about?
Garak: In love with you, my dear. She's all atwitter about you, can't talk about anyone else. You're the perfect gift for the girl who has everything. She's taken you into her heart, like a Drathan puppy lig left on her doorstep. Who else could she share her deepest secrets with, tell her troubles to, trust with her life?
Major Kira: All you have to do is take a look at the guard outside to see how much she trusts me.
Garak: I arranged the guard. Oh, she trusts you. As much as she trusts anyone. So, who better to betray her?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Civil Defense (#3.7)" (1994)
[Ops is under phaser fire, although not harming Dukat and Garak]
Garak: It would appear that the computer is only targeting non-Cardassians.
Gul Dukat: If you had been on the station when I designed this program, I would have made an exception in your case.
Garak: Well, you've aways been shortsighted. It's held you back over the years.

Gul Dukat: I set up this program, and I assure you, Major, I will find a way to defeat it. There is no dilemma that cannot be solved by a disciplined, Cardassian mind.
Garak: It's not going to work, you know.
Gul Dukat: What are you babbling on about now?
Garak: I'm talking about Major Kira.
Major Kira: What about her?
Garak: She's much too busy trying to save this station to be impressed with your incessant posturing.
Gul Dukat: [outraged] Garak!
Garak: And even if she weren't, she has much better taste than to be attracted to you - you, a married man.
Gul Dukat: I should've executed you years ago.
Garak: Oh, you tried, remember?

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Favor the Bold (#6.5)" (1997)
Garak: I always hope for the best. Experience, unfortunately, has taught me to expect the worst.

Lt. Commander Worf: They are not interrogating you, Mister Garak. They are debriefing. There is a difference.
Garak: Not from where I'm sitting.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Dogs of War (#7.24)" (1999)
Mila: Everyone's talking about Damar and his rebels.
Colonel Kira: What are they saying? How stupid we were for walking into a Dominion trap?
Damar: How arrogant we were to think we could beat them in the first place?
Garak: How glad they are that we're all dead?
Mila: Actually, they don't really believe you *are* dead. Oh, you should hear the stories: "Damar is alive!" "My cousin saw him on Kelvas Prime." "He faked his own death." "He is plotting a new offensive from his secret mountain hideaway."
Garak: You never told me you had a secret mountain hideaway.
Damar: I was going to surprise you.

Damar: Citizens of Cardassia, hear me! The Dominion told you that the rebellion has been crushed. What you have seen here today proves that that is yet another lie. Our fight for freedom continues, but it will take place here, in the streets. I call on Cardassians everywhere to rise up, rise up and join me. I need *you* to be my army! If we stand together, nothing can oppose us. Freedom is ours for the taking!
Garak: Freedom!
Lonar: Freedom!
Cardassians: Freedom!

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: When It Rains... (#7.21)" (1999)
[Kira, Odo and Garak have joined Damar's resistance movement to train them in guerilla tactics]
Garak: Now that the formalities are over with, let's try to remember that our enemy is the Dominion, and not each other.
Gul Rusot: I don't need to be reminded who my enemies are.

[Odo and Garak have managed to appease a run-in between Rusot and Kira]
Garak: You don't know how lucky you are.
Gul Rusot: Oh? Why is that?
Garak: She would've killed you.
Gul Rusot: [scoffs] I only wish she'd tried.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: For the Cause (#4.21)" (1996)
Garak: [about Ziyal] She is the only Cardassian woman on the station; she must know she's bound to attract some attention.
Doctor Bashir: Some - yes. Yours - no!

Garak: I've had visions of Ziyal presenting my head to her father as a birthday gift.
Quark: That's a little paranoid, wouldn't you say?
Garak: Paranoid is what they call people who imagine threats against their life. I *have* threats against my life. But after my little 'chat' with Major Kira, I feel much better.
Quark: You do?
Garak: Isn't it obvious? If Ziyal planned to kill me, Kira would not be trying to warn me away. On the contrary, the good Major would also welcome my untimely demise and do nothing to interfere.
Quark: Unless that's part of the plan.
Garak: What do you mean?
Quark: Oh, you know, Kira acts like she doesn't want you to go, so you'll feel everything's okay, and then you go anyway... Nah, it's too complicated.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Tears of the Prophets (#6.26)" (1998)
Chief O'Brien: You got here early.
Garak: This is a momentous occasion. It's not every day I embark on a journey to liberate my home world.
Chief O'Brien: That's one way to put it.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges (#7.16)" (1999)
Elim Garak: [rolling his eyes] The eternal optimist!
Dr. Julian Bashir: Guilty as charged.
Elim Garak: How sad. I must tell you, I'm disappointed at hearing you mouth the usual platitudes of peace and friendship regarding an implacable foe like the Romulans. But I live in hope that one day, you'll come to see this universe for what it truly is, rather than what you'd wish it to be.
Dr. Julian Bashir: Then I shall endeavor to become more cynical with each passing day. Look gift horses squarely in the mouth, and find clouds in every silver lining.
Elim Garak: [smiling] If only you meant it.