Montgomery Scott
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Quotes for
Montgomery Scott (Character)
from "Star Trek" (1966)

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"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Relics (#6.4)" (1992)
[Scotty walks up to the holodeck and activates it]
Computer Voice: Please enter program.
Scotty: The android at the bar said you could show me my old ship. Let me see it.
Computer Voice: Insufficient data. Please specify parameters.
Scotty: [frustrated] The Enterprise. Show me the bridge of the Enterprise, you chatterin' piece of...
Computer Voice: There have been five Federation ships with that name. Please specify by registry number.
Scotty: N-C-C-1-7-0-1. No bloody A - B - C - or D!

[the Enterprise crew has freed Captain Scott from a transporter buffer after 75 years]
Scotty: The Enterprise? I should have known. I bet Jim Kirk himself hauled the old girl out of mothballs to come looking for me.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Look, Mr. Scott, I'd love to explain everything to you, but the Captain wants this spectrographic analysis done by 1300 hours.
[La Forge goes back to work; Scotty follows slowly]
Scotty: Do you mind a little advice? Starfleet captains are like children. They want everything right now and they want it their way. But the secret is to give them only what they need, not what they want.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Yeah, well, I told the Captain I'd have this analysis done in an hour.
Scotty: How long will it really take?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: An hour!
Scotty: Oh, you didn't tell him how long it would *really* take, did ya?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, of course I did.
Scotty: Oh, laddie. You've got a lot to learn if you want people to think of you as a miracle worker.

Scotty: [referring to Dr. Crusher] Well, I'll say this about your Enterprise: the doctors are a fair sight prettier.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I need to get down to Engineering and begin that analysis.
Scotty: Engineering? I thought you'd never ask!

Scotty: Call me Scotty!

[La Forge and Scotty are trying to get the Jenolan up and running]
Scotty: [muttering] Bunch of old, useless garbage!
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Huh?
Scotty: I say it's old, Mr. La Forge. It can't handle the interface of your power converter. This equipment was designed for a different era. Now it's just a piece of junk.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, I don't know, it seems like some of it's held together pretty well.
Scotty: Century out of date. It's just... obsolete!
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, you know, that's interesting, because I was just thinking that a lot of these systems haven't changed much in the last 75 years. This transporter is basically the same system we use on the Enterprise. Subspace radio and sensors still operate under the same basic principle; impulse engine design hasn't changed much in the last 200 years. If it wasn't for all the structural damage, this ship still might be in service today.
Scotty: Maybe so. But when they can build ships like your Enterprise, who'd want to pilot an old bucket like this?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: I don't know. If this ship were operational, I bet she'd run circles around the Enterprise at impulse speeds. Just because something's old doesn't mean you throw it away.

[Scotty and Geordi are working to restore the Jenolan's systems]
Scotty: Shunt the deuterium from the main cryo-pump to the auxiliary tank.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Er, the tank can't withstand that kind of pressure.
Scotty: [laughs] Where'd you... where'd you get that idea?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: What do you mean, where did I get that idea? It's in the impulse engine specifications.
Scotty: Regulation 42/15 - Pressure Variances on the IRC Tank Storage?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Yeah.
Scotty: Forget it. I wrote it. A good engineer is always a wee bit conservative, at least on paper. Just bypass the secondary cut-off valve and boost the flow. It'll work.

[Scotty has been served a glass of "Scotch" in Ten Forward]
Scotty: [to the waiter] Laddie, I was drinking Scotch a hundred years before you were born. And I can tell you that whatever this is, it is definitely not Scotch.

Scotty: Never get drunk unless you're willing to pay for it - the next day.

Scotty: [on new acquirements of the 24th century, such as synthehol and Data] Synthetic Scotch, synthetic commanders...

[Data has taken a bottle of green-colored spirit from Guinan's stock]
Scotty: What is it?
Lt. Commander Data: It is...
[he looks and sniffs at it]
Lt. Commander Data: It is...
[he looks at it again, obviously not any wiser]
Lt. Commander Data: It is green.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: How are you feeling?
Scotty: I don't know.
Scotty: [to Dr. Crusher] How *am* I feeling?
Doctor Beverly Crusher: Other than a few bumps and bruises I'd say you feel fine for a man of 147.
Scotty: And I don't feel a day over 120.

Scotty: Good Lord, man! Where have you put me?
Ensign Kane: These are standard guest quarters, sir. I can try and find something bigger if you want.
Scotty: *Bigger*? In my day, even an admiral would nota had such quarters on a starship.

[on the holographic bridge of Scotty's Enterprise, Scotty and Picard are exchanging memories of former starships they've served on]
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: The first vessel that I served on as captain was called Stargazer. It was an overworked, underpowered vessel, always on the verge of flying apart at the seams. In every measurable sense, my Enterprise is far superior. But there are times when I would give almost anything... to command the Stargazer again.
Scotty: Ah, it's like the first time you fall in love. You don't ever love a woman quite like that again. Well, to the Enterprise, and the Stargazer - old girlfriends we'll never meet again.

Scotty: There comes a time when a man finds that he can't fall in love again. He knows that it's time to stop. I don't belong on your ship. I belong on this one. This was my home. This is where I had a purpose... But it's not real. It's just a computer-generated fantasy. And I'm just an old man who's trying to hide in it.

Scotty: [toasting to his long gone comrades] Here's to you, lads.

Commander William T. Riker: [of the shuttle that Picard has given Scotty "on extended loan"] She's not much to look at.
Scotty: [grinning] Laddie, every woman has her own charm; ye just have to know where to look for it.

[last lines]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: You take care of yourself out there.
Scotty: Aye.

Scotty: Take the bridge, Commander.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Oh, no. You're the senior officer here.
Scotty: Oh, I may be captain by rank; but I never wanted to be anything else but an engineer.

Scotty: I was driving starships, while your great-grandfather was still in diapers! I think you'd be grateful for some help! I'll leave ya to work, Mr. La Forge.

Scotty: Geordi, I have spent my whole life trying to figure out crazy ways of doing things. I'm telling ya, as one engineer to another - I can do this.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [sighs] All right. Let's do it.
Scotty: [ecstatic] Aye!

Scotty: Starfleet captains are like children. They want everything right now and they want it their way. But the secret is to give them only what they need, not what they want.

Scotty: [of the Enterprise-D] A good crew... and a fine ship - a credit to her name. But I've always found that a ship is only as good as the engineer who takes care of her. And from what I can see, the Enterprise is in good hands.

Scotty: Oh, enjoy these times, Geordi. You're the Chief Engineer of a starship; and that's a time of your life that'll never come again. When it's gone - it's gone.


Star Trek (2009)
Scotty: I like this ship! You know, it's exciting!

Scotty: I've never beamed three people from two targets onto one pad before!

Spock Prime: What if I told you that your transwarp theory was correct, that is is indeed possible to beam onto a ship that is traveling at warp speed?
Scotty: I think if that equation had been discovered, I'd have heard about it.
Spock Prime: The reason you haven't heard of it, Mr. Scott, is because you haven't discovered it yet.
Scotty: I'm s... Wha... It... Are you from the future?
James T. Kirk: Yeah, he is. I'm not.
Scotty: Well, that's brilliant. Do they still have sandwiches there?

[the U.S.S. Enterprise is being sucked into a black hole, seconds away from doom]
Scotty: I'm giving her all she's got, Captain!
[the bridge ceiling begins to crack as the ship's drawn closer]
James T. Kirk: All she's got isn't good enough! What else ya got?
Scotty: Um... Okay, if we eject the core and detonate, the blast could be enough to push us away! I cannae promise anything, though!
[the viewing window starts to rupture]
James T. Kirk: DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!

Spock Prime: You are, in fact, the Mr. Scott who postulated the theory of transwarp beaming?
Scotty: That's what I'm talking about! How do you think I wound up here? Had a little debate with my instructor on relativistic physics and how it pertains to subspace travel. He seemed to think that the range of transporting something like a... like a grapefruit was limited to about 100 miles. I told him that I could not only beam a grapefruit from one planet to the adjacent planet in the same system - which is easy, by the way - I could do it with a life form. So, I tested it out on Admiral Archer's prized beagle.
James T. Kirk: Wait, I know that dog. What happened to it?
Scotty: I'll tell you when it reappears. Ahem. I don't know, I do feel guilty about that.

Scotty: So, the Enterprise has had its maiden voyage, has it? She is one well-endowed lady. I'd like to get my hands on her "ample nacelles," if you pardon the engineering parlance.

Spock: We are traveling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?
James T. Kirk: Hey, you're the genius. You figure it out.
Spock: As acting captain of this vessel, I order you to answer the question.
James T. Kirk: Well, I'm not telling, "Acting Captain." What, did...?
[Kirk smiles]
James T. Kirk: What, now, that doesn't frustrate you, does it? My lack of cooperation? That-that doesn't make you angry...
Spock: [Spock turns to Scotty] Are you a member of Starfleet?
Scotty: I, um, yes. Can I get a towel, please?
Spock: Under penalty of court martial, I order you to explain to me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while moving at warp.
Scotty: Well...
James T. Kirk: Don't answer him.
Spock: You will answer me.
Scotty: [pause] I'd rather not take sides.

Scotty: Except, the thing is, even if I believed you, right, where you're from, what I've done - which I don't, by the way - you're still talking about beaming aboard the Enterprise while she's traveling faster than light, without a proper receiving pad.
Scotty: [to Keenser] Get off there! It's not a climbing frame!
Scotty: [back to Spock Prime] The notion of transwarp beaming is like trying to hit a bullet with a smaller bullet whilst wearing a blindfold, riding a horse.
[Spock writes on a paper]
Scotty: What's that?
Spock Prime: Your equation for achieving transwarp beaming.
Scotty: [to himself] He's out of it
Scotty: [reads the equation] Imagine that! It never occurred to me to think of SPACE as the thing that was moving!

James T. Kirk: Scotty, how we doin'?
Scotty: Dilithium chamber at maximum, Captain.
Scotty: [noticing Keenser straddling a console] GET DOWN!

[Spock Prime and Kirk arrive at a derelict Starfleet outpost, and discover... ]
Scotty: You realize how unacceptable this is?
Spock Prime: Fascinating!
Scotty: Okay, I'm sure you're just doing your job, but could you not have come a wee bit sooner? Six months I've been here, living off Starfleet protein nibs and the promise of a good meal! And I know exactly what's going on here, okay? Punishment, isn't it? Ongoing! For something that was clearly an accident!
Spock Prime: [pleased] You are Montgomery Scott.
James T. Kirk: You know him?
Scotty: Aye, that's me. You're in the right place. Unless there's another hardworking, equally starved Starfleet officer around.
Keenser: Me.
Scotty: Get aff! Shut up! You don't eat anything! You can eat, like, a bean, and you're done. I'm talking about food. REAL food!


"Star Trek: That Which Survives (#3.17)" (1969)
Mr. Spock: Mr. Scott, since the Enterprise is obviously functional, I suggest we return to our starting place at top warp speed.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Aye, sir, but even at that it'll take us a while to get there.
Mr. Spock: In that case, Mr. Scott, I suggest we start at once. Can you give me warp 8?
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Aye, sir. And maybe a wee bit more. I'll sit on the warp engines myself and nurse them.
Mr. Spock: That position, Mr. Scott, would not only be unavailing, but also... undignified.

Mr. Spock: Bridge to Engineering. Negative effect on power reduction. Speed is still increasing.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Aye, Mr. Spock, and I found out why. The emergency bypass control of the matter/antimatter integrator is fused. It's completely useless. The engines are running wild; there's no way to get at them. We should reach maximum overload in about 15 minutes.
Mr. Spock: I would calculate 14.87 minutes, Mr. Scott.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Those few seconds will not make any difference, Mr. Spock, because you and I and the rest of the crew will no longer be here to bandy it back and forth. This thing is going to blow up, and there's nothing in the universe can stop it.

Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Whatever did this is still aboard this ship. I fail to understand why you cancelled the security alert.
Mr. Spock: A force that could hurl us 990.7 light-years away and at that distance still be able to sabotage our main source of energy will not be waiting around to be taken into custody.

Mr. Spock: Mr. Scott, you have accomplished your task.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: You might at least say thank you.
Mr. Spock: For what purpose, Mr. Scott? What is it in you humans...
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: [muttering] Never mind.
Mr. Spock: ...that requires an overwhelming display of emotion in a situation such as this? Two men pursue the only reasonable course of action, and yet you FEEL that something else is necessary.

Rahda: It doesn't make any sense, but somehow I'd say that in a flash we've been knocked 1000 light-years away from where we were.
Mr. Spock: 990.7 light-years to be exact, Lieutenant.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: But that's not possible. Nothing can do that.
Mr. Spock: Mr. Scott, since we are here, your statement is not only illogical but also unworthy of refutation.

Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: What you're saying is that the planet didn't blow up and the Captain and the others, they're still alive?
Mr. Spock: Please, Mr. Scott, restrain your leaps of illogic. I have said nothing. I was merely speculating.

Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: [working in the service crawlway] I'm so close to the flow now that it feels like ants crawling all over my body.
Mr. Spock: Mr. Scott, I suggest you refrain from any further subjective descriptions. You now have 10 minutes and 19 seconds in which to perform your task.

Mr. Spock: You have 8 minutes, 41 seconds.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: I know what time it is. I don't need a bloomin' cuckoo clock.

Mr. Spock: You spoke of the feel of the ship being wrong.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Aye. It was an emotional statement. I don't expect you to understand it.
Mr. Spock: I note it, Mister Scott, without necessarily understanding it.

Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Mr. Spock, the ship feels wrong.
Mr. Spock: "Feels," Mr. Scott?
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: I know it doesn't make sense. Instrumentation reads correct, but the feel is wrong. It's something I can't quite put into words.
Mr. Spock: That's is obvious, Mr. Scott.


Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)
[from trailer]
Scotty: The ship's dead, sir! She's gone!
James T. Kirk: No, she's not...

Scotty: For the love of God, don't use those torpedoes.

Scotty: Welcome aboard.
James T. Kirk: It's good to see you too, Scotty.

Scotty: If it isn't Captain James Tiberius Perfect-Hair!
[to Keenser]
Scotty: Did you hear that? I called him "Perfect-Hair".
James T. Kirk: Where are you?
Scotty: Where are you?
James T. Kirk: Are you drunk?
Scotty: What I do on my private time is my business, Jim.

Scotty: Are you crazy? Whoever you are.

Scotty: Wait. Jim, if we go in there, we'll die! Do you hear me? The radiation will kill us! Will you listen to me? Look, what the hell are you doing?
James T. Kirk: I'm opening the door. I'm going in.
Scotty: The door's there to stop us from getting irradiated! We'd be dead before making the climb!
James T. Kirk: [Quietly] You're not making the climb.
[Kirk knocks out Scotty and enters the chamber]

Scotty: [Kirk and Bones return to the Enterprise on Nibiru] Do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to hide a starship on the bottom of the ocean?

James T. Kirk: [asking Scotty to investigate the coordinates Khan gave him] I'm not exactly sure what you're looking for, but I have a feeling you'll know it when you see it. You may have been right about those torpedoes.
Scotty: [surprised at Jim's admission] I will consider that an apology. And I will consider that apology.


Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)
[faced with a 20th century computer]
Scotty: Computer! Computer?
[He's handed a mouse, and he speaks into it]
Scotty: Hello, computer.
Dr. Nichols: Just use the keyboard.
Scotty: Keyboard. How quaint.

Scotty: Admiral, there be whales here!

[Kirk has just spoken very abruptly to Mr. Scott]
Scotty: He's in a wee bit of a snit, isn't he?
Spock: He is a man of deep feelings.
Scotty: Aye, what else is new?

McCoy: You realize that by giving him the formula you're altering the future.
Scotty: Why? How do we know he didn't invent the thing?

[the crew is on a shuttlecraft pondering what their new starship will be]
Sulu: ...I'm counting on the *Excelsior*.
Scotty: The *Excelsior*? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?
Kirk: A ship is a ship.
Scotty: Whatever you say so.
[pause]
Scotty: Thy will be done.
[the new starship USS *Enterprise* 1701-A emerges into view]
Kirk: My friends.
[pause]
Kirk: We've come home.

Scotty: Damage control is easy. Reading Klingon - that's hard.

Scotty: [over the intercom] I'm ready, Spock! Let's go find George and Gracie!

[Kirk is pacing back and forth, considering a below-decks room in the Klingon ship for possible whale transport]
Kirk: Scotty, how long is this bay?
Scotty: About sixty feet, Admiral.
Kirk: Can you enclose it to hold water?
Scotty: [laughs] I suppose I could. You planning to take a swim?
McCoy: [sourly] Off the deep end, Mr. Scott!
Kirk: We got to find some humpbacks.
Scotty: Humpbacked... people?
Kirk: Whales, Mr. Scott, whales!


Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)
Kirk: Mr. Scott, you're amazing!
Scotty: There's nothing amazing about it. I know this ship like the back of my hand.
[walks into low-hanging beam, knocks himself out cold]

Kirk: Stand by to execute emergency landing plan... "B."
[a brief pause]
Chekov: What's emergency landing plan "B?"
Scotty: I don't have a clue.
Kirk: [on Comm system] "B" as in Barricade.
Scotty: He can't be serious.

Scotty: [to Kirk about ship status] Ah. All I can say is they don't make them like they used to.
Kirk: You told me you could get this ship operational in two weeks, I gave you three, what happened?
Scotty: I think you gave me too much time, Captain.
Kirk: Very well, Mr Scott. Carry on.
Scotty: Aye, sir.
[Spots a junior engineer nearby]
Scotty: How many times do I have to tell you, the right tool for the right job!
McCoy: [laughs] I don't think I've ever seen him happier.
[They enter the turbolift]
Computer: Le-le-level?
Kirk: Bridge... I hope. I could use a shower.
Spock: [looks at Kirk] Yes.

[Chief Engineer Scott making a log entry]
Scotty: USS Enterprise, shakedown crew's report. I think this new ship was put together by monkeys. Oh, she's got a fine engine, but half the doors won't open, and guess whose job it is to make it right.

Kirk: [responds to a tapping within the wall] What's that noise?
Spock: [tapping continues] I believe it is a primitive form of communication known as morse Code.
Kirk: You're right. I'm out of practice.
[tapping]
Kirk: That's an "S".
Spock: "T".
Kirk: "A"... "N"... "D", end of word.
McCoy: "Stand".
Kirk: New word... "B"... "A"...
Spock: "C"... "K".
McCoy: "Back". "Stand back".
Kirk, Spock, McCoy: "Stand back"?
[the wall explodes]
Scotty: [on the other side of the wall] What are you standing around for? Do you not know a jailbreak when you see one?

Scotty: [cursing, on his back trying to fix a computer console] "Let's see what she's got," said the captain. And then we found out, didn't we?
Uhura: [walking in] I know you'll whip her into shape, Scotty, you always do.
Scotty: [getting up] Uhura, I thought you were on leave.
Uhura: And I thought we were supposed to be going together.
Scotty: Oh, I can't leave her now when she needs me the most.
Uhura: [stroking Scotty's cheek] I had a feeling you would say something like that, so I brought us...
[whipping up two packages]
Uhura: dinner.
Scotty: [grabbing a package] Oh, lassie. You're the most understanding woman I know.
Starfleet Officer: [transmission on a malfunctioning computer] Red-Red-Red Alert. Red Alert. Red-Red-Red Alert.
Scotty: I just fixed that damn thing! Turn it off, will you?

McCoy: Jim... if you ask me, and you haven't, I think this is a terrible idea. We're bound to bump into the Klingons, and they don't exactly like you.
Kirk: The feeling's mutual. Engine room.
Scotty: [over the intercom] Scotty here.
Kirk: We'll need all the power you can muster, mister.
Scotty: Don't you worry, Captain. We'll beat those Klingon devils, even if I have to get out and push.
Kirk: I hope it won't come to that, Mr. Scott.


Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)
Captain Spock: Mr. Scott, I understand you're having difficulty with the warp drive. How much time do you require for repair?
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: There's nothing wrong with the bloody thing...
Captain Spock: Mr. Scott, if we return to Spacedock, the assassins will surely find a way to dispose of their incriminating footwear, and we will never see the Captain or Doctor McCoy alive again.
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Could take weeks, sir.
Captain Spock: Thank you, Mr. Scott.

[Watching a replay of the torpedo hit]
Commander Pavel Chekov: It is Enterprise. We fired them.
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: That is not possible! All weapons visually accounted for, sir.
Captain Spock: An ancestor of mine maintained that when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. If we did not fire those torpedoes, another ship did.

Lieutenant Valeris: A Bird-of-Prey?
Captain Spock: A Bird-of-Prey.
Commander Pavel Chekov: Cloaked?
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: A Bird-of-Prey cannot open fire when she's cloaked!
Captain Spock: All things being equal, Mr. Scott, I would agree with you. However, all things are not equal. This one can.

Lieutenant Valeris: We must inform Starfleet Command...
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Inform them of what? A new weapon that's invisible? Raving lunatics, that's what they'll call us! They'll say we're so desperate to exonerate the captain that we'll say anything.
Captain Spock: And they would be correct. We have no evidence, only a theory which happens to fit the facts.

Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: [referring to Gorkon's daughter, whom he believed killed Gorkon] That Klingon bitch killed her father.
Captain Spock: Her own father?
Lieutenant Valeris: It is an old story, sir.
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: They don't place the same value on life as we do, Spock. You know that. Mark my word, she did not shed one bloody tear.
Captain Spock: Hardly conclusive, Mr. Scott, since Klingons have no tear ducts.

Captain James T. Kirk: Mr. Scott?
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: [over intercom] Aye, sir?
Captain James T. Kirk: Did you find the engine room?
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Right where I left it, sir!

Kirk: What are we all doing here?
McCoy: Maybe they're throwing us a retirement party.
Scotty: That suits me. I just bought a boat.
Uhuru: This had better be good. I'm supposed to be chairing a seminar at the Academy.
Chekov: Captain, isn't this just for top brass?
McCoy: If we're all here, where's Sulu?
Kirk: *Captain* Sulu, on assignment. Where's Spock?


Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984)
[their first look at the USS Excelsior]
Uhura: Would you look at that.
Kirk: My friends, the great experiment: The Excelsior. Ready for trial runs.
Sulu: She's supposed to have transwarp drive.
Scotty: Aye. And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a wagon.
Kirk: Come, come, Mr. Scott. Young minds, fresh ideas. Be tolerant.

Kirk: Scotty, you're as good as your word.
Scotty: Aye, sir. The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.
[giving McCoy a handful of computer chips]
Scotty: Here, Doctor, souvenirs from one surgeon to another. I took them out of her main transwarp computer drive.
McCoy: Nice of you to tell me in advance.
Kirk: That's what you get for missing staff meetings, Doctor. Gentlemen, your work today has been outstanding and I intend to recommend you all for promotion... in whatever fleet we end up serving.

Scotty: All systems automated and ready. A chimpanzee and two trainees could run her.
Kirk: Thank you, Mr. Scott. I'll try not to take that personally.

Captain Styles: Ah, Mr. Scott. Calling it a night?
Scotty: Uh, yes sir.
Captain Styles: Turning in myself, looking forward to breaking some of the Enterprise's speed records tomorrow.
Scotty: Ah, yes sir.
[behind his back, frowning]
Scotty: Good night.
Elevator voice: Level, please.
Scotty: Transporter room.
Elevator voice: Thank you.
Scotty: [under breath] Up your shaft.

Scotty: [studying the Klingon Bird-of-Prey's helm] Where's the damn antimatter inducer?
Chekov: This?... no, *this*!
Scotty: That or nothing.
Sulu: If I read this right, sir, we have full power.
Kirk: [exasperated] Go, Sulu!

[the Enterprise is approaching the closed Spacedock doors]
Kirk: And... *now*, Mr. Scott.
Scotty: Sir?
Kirk: The doors, Mr. Scott!
Scotty: Aye, sir, I'm working on it!

Kirk: How much refit time before we can take her out again?
Scotty: Eight weeks, sir. But ye don't have eight weeks, so I'll do it for ye in two.
Kirk: Mr. Scott. Have you always multiplied your repair estimates by a factor of four?
Scotty: Certainly, sir. How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker?
Kirk: [over the intercom] Your reputation is secure, Scotty.


"Star Trek: The Savage Curtain (#3.22)" (1969)
Scott: President Lincoln, indeed! No doubt to be followed by Louis of France and Robert the Bruce!
Dr. McCoy: If so, we'll execute appropriate honors to each, Mr. Scott.

Dr. McCoy: You're BOTH out of your heads!
Scott: Aye, sir.
Captain James T. Kirk: And you're on the edge of insubordination!
Dr. McCoy: I'd be on the edge of insubordination to remind the captain that this smells of something happening to him that I might not be able to patch back together again.
Scott: Aye!

Mr. Spock: [checking the sensors] Fascinating. For a moment it appeared almost... mineral, like living rock with heavy foreclaws. Settling down now to completely human readings.
Scott: We can beam IT aboard anytime now, sir.

Dr. McCoy: If they're wrong and they DO beam into a pool of lava...?
Scott: Then they're dead men. I couldnae pull them back in time.

Dr. McCoy: Just what was that you locked onto before you beamed him aboard?
Scott: Ya heard Mr. Spock yourself - "mineral" he called it, like living rock.
Dr. McCoy: And that became Lincoln?
Scott: I couldn't tell. May have been another figure down there standing by. What do you make if it?
Dr. McCoy: I'm not quite sure.

Scott: It's a confrontation of some sort. Those are all figures out of history, notoriously evil.


"Star Trek: A Taste of Armageddon (#1.23)" (1967)
Scott: The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank.

Scott: Aye. The haggis is in the fire for sure, but I'll not lower my defenses on the word of that mealy-mouthed gentleman down below. Not until I know what happened to the captain.

Scott: Computer - last message received and recorded from Captain Kirk.
Enterprise Computer: In place.
Scott: Run it through analyzer. Question: is it or is it not the Captain's voice?
Enterprise Computer: Negative. A close copy.
Scott: A voice duplicator?
Enterprise Computer: 98% probability.
Scott: [to McCoy] Well, they've got them, Doctor, and now they're trying to get us.

Scott: Open a channel, Lieutenant. This is the commander of the U.S.S. Enterprise. All cities and installations on Eminiar 7 have been located, identified, and fed into our fire control system. In one hour and forty-five minutes, the entire inhabited surface of your planet will be destroyed. You have that long to surrender your hostages.

Ambassador Fox: Diplomacy, gentlemen, should be a job, uh, left to diplomats. You will, of course, immediately resume a peaceful status.
Scott: No, sir, I will not.


"Star Trek: The Lights of Zetar (#3.18)" (1969)
Scott: [on intercom] Scott here.
Capt. Kirk: Scotty, where've you been? Where are you?
Scott: In the Sickbay.
Capt. Kirk: Are you sick?
Scott: Oh, no. I was just checkin' on the lass. She's going to be fine, though. There's nothing wrong with her.
Capt. Kirk: Well, I'm relieved to hear your prognosis, Mr. Scott. Is the doctor there with you or will I find HIM in Engineering?

Scott: [to Kirk] Now we have all the time in the world.

Capt. Kirk: Capt. Kirk to Mr. Scott.
Scott: [on intercom] Scott here, sir.
Capt. Kirk: Mr. Scott, how's Lt. Romaine?
Scott: Beautiful, Captain.

Scott: And this is just getting used to what you might call your space legs.

Scott: That seein' of the future - it's pure bunk.


"Star Trek: The Trouble with Tribbles (#2.15)" (1967)
[Kirk is questioning Scotty about his reasons to start a bar fight with the Klingons]
Scott: Well, Captain, er... the Klingons called you a... a tin-plated overbearing, swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood.
Capt. Kirk: Is that all?
Scott: No, sir. They also compared you with a Denebian slime devil.
Capt. Kirk: I see.
Scott: And then they said that you were a...
Capt. Kirk: I get the picture, Scotty.
Scott: Yes, sir.
Capt. Kirk: And after they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons.
Scott: No, sir.
Capt. Kirk: ...No?
Scott: No, er, I didn't. You told us to avoid trouble.
Capt. Kirk: Oh, yes.
Scott: And I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults. Aren't we?
Capt. Kirk: What was it they said that started the fight?
Scott: They called the Enterprise a garbage scow! Sir.
Capt. Kirk: I see. And... that's when you hit the Klingon?
Scott: Yes, sir!
Capt. Kirk: You hit the Klingons because they insulted the Enterprise, not because they...
Scott: Well, sir, this was a matter of pride.
Capt. Kirk: All right, Scotty. Dismissed. Oh... Scotty, you're restricted to quarters until further notice.
Scott: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir! That'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals!

Capt. Kirk: Another technical journal, Scotty?
Scott: Aye.
Capt. Kirk: Don't you ever relax?
Scott: I am relaxing.

Scott: When are you gonna get off that milk diet, lad?
Chekov: This is vodka.
Scott: Where I come from, that's soda pop.
Scott: [raising his glass] Now this is a drink for a man.
Chekov: Scotch?
Scott: Aye.
Chekov: It was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad.

Korax: [the tribbles squeal as he pours some of his drink into Cyrano Jones' glass] The Earthers like those fuzzy things. Don't they?
Cyrano Jones: [accepts drink, laughs nervously] Oh, yes.
Korax: Well, frankly, I never liked Earthers. They remind me of Regulan bloodworms.
[the Klingons laugh]
Chekov: That cossack!
Scott: Easy, lad. You ought to be more forgiving.
Korax: Though... I just remembered. There is one Earth man who doesn't remind me of a Regulan bloodworm. That's Kirk. A Regulan bloodworm is soft, and shapeless. But Kirk isn't soft. Kirk may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood. But he's not soft.
Scott: [as Chekov gets up] Take it easy, lad. Everybody is entitled to an opinion.
[Chekov sits down]
Korax: That's right. And if I think that Kirk is a Denebian slime devil, well, that's my opinion, too.
Scott: [as Chekov gets up again] Don't do it, mister, and that's an order.
Chekov: But you heard what he called the Captain!
Scott: Forget it. It's not worth fighting for. We're big enough to take a few insults.
[swaps Chekov's empty glass with another]
Scott: Now, drink your drink.
[Chekov sits down and obliges]
Korax: Of course, I'd say that Captain Kirk deserves his ship. We like the Enterprise. We, we really do! That sagging, old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow.
[Scotty's ears perk up]
Korax: Half the quadrant knows it; that's why they're learning to speak Klingoni!
Chekov: [outraged] Mr. Scott!
Scott: [to Korax] Laddie... don't ya think you should... rephrase that?
Korax: [in Scottish brogue] You're right. I should.
Korax: [normal voice] I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away AS garbage!
[Korax laughs. Scotty stands up, decks him, and a brawl ensues]

[last lines]
[all tribbles have been removed from the Enterprise, but nobody seems eager to tell Kirk what happened to them]
Capt. Kirk: Mister Scott. Where - are - the tribbles?
Scott: I used the transporter, Captain.
Capt. Kirk: You used the transporter?
Scott: Aye.
Capt. Kirk: Well, where did you transport them?
[the others are looking away, trying to appear not involved]
Capt. Kirk: Scott, you didn't transport them into space, did you?
Scott: Captain Kirk! That'd be inhuman!
Capt. Kirk: Well, where are they?
Scott: I gave them a very good home, sir.
Capt. Kirk: WHERE?
Scott: I gave 'em to the Klingons, sir.
Capt. Kirk: [whispering] You gave them to the Klingons?
Scott: Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit 'n' caboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all.


"Star Trek: Spock's Brain (#3.1)" (1968)
Scott: "Pain and delight", he said up above.
Dr. McCoy: I'm sure you noticed the 'delight'-aspect of this place.
Captain James T. Kirk: Yes, I certainly did notice those delightful aspects.

Captain James T. Kirk: This fellow is keeping us from our property.
Scott: Well, isn't there a way to correct that situation?
Captain James T. Kirk: I certainly think that science might provide an answer.
Dr. McCoy: It does, Captain.
Captain James T. Kirk: Agreed, Doctor.
[they take on the guards in a surprise attack]

Captain James T. Kirk: From the very first, I appreciated your ability.
Kara: Good, Captain Kirk. Then you will also appreciate that without the Teacher, I would not have the knowledge to use that which you have thoughtfully provided.
[she suddenly produces a phaser and aims it at Kirk]
Scott: That phaser is set to kill.

Scott: Captain, that power we picked up above - we're gettin' closer.
Captain James T. Kirk: A lot of it?
Scott: Enough to push this planet out of orbit.
Captain James T. Kirk: What source?
Scott: Either a nuclear pile a hundred miles across or...
Captain James T. Kirk: Or what?
Scott: Ion power.

Mr. Spock: [voice] I seem to have a body which stretches into infinity.
Scott: Body? Why, ya have NONE.
Mr. Spock: Then, what am I?
Dr. McCoy: You are a disembodied brain.
Mr. Spock: Fascinating. It could explain much, Doctor. My medulla oblongata is hard at work apparently breathing, apparently pumping blood, apparently maintaining a normal physiologic temperature.


"Star Trek: The Practical Joker (#2.3)" (1974)
Scott: Hold together little darling, hold together.

Scott: Somebody turn of this infernal food factory!

Capt. Kirk: We've got serious trouble with the main computer. We have reason to believe it's kidnapped three of our crew.
Scott: [on viewscreen] Kidnapped? Blue blazes!

Scott: You bloody big scatterbrain! Make up your monumental mind!

Scott: We're giving it a mighty go with the crowbars though!


"Star Trek: The Corbomite Maneuver (#1.10)" (1966)
Mr. Spock: I regret not having learned more about this Balok. In some manner, he was reminiscent of my father.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Then may Heaven have helped your mother.

Capt. Kirk: Scotty?
Scott: Mode of power? Beats me what makes it go.
Capt. Kirk: I'll buy speculation.
Scott: I'd sell it if I had any.

Sulu: Four minutes, thirty seconds.
Scott: You have an annoying fascination for time pieces, Mr. Sulu.

Scott: [about to beam onto the small First Federation craft] Bend low, gentlemen. It reads pretty cramped over there.


"Star Trek: By Any Other Name (#2.22)" (1968)
Scott: [Trying to drink Tomar under the table, Scotty enters, a bit tipsy, with a bottle of green liquid] I found this in the ganner room... ganner...
Tomar: What is it?
Scott: It's,
[looks for a label]
Scott: uh,
[looks under the bottle; sniffs it]
Scott: ... It's green.

Captain James T. Kirk: Well?
Mr. Spock: Impossible, Captain. The power source is protected by a material we cannot breach even with our phasers. Mr. Scott and I have prepared the means for the only logical alternative available to us.
Captain James T. Kirk: What alternative?
Mr. Spock: The barrier we must penetrate is composed of negative energy.
Scott: I have opened the control valves to the matter-anti-matter nacelles. On your signal, I will flood them with positive energy.
Captain James T. Kirk: What?
Mr. Spock: When we engage the barrier, the ship will explode. The Kelvans will be stopped here.
Scott: And so will we.

Tomar: [after polishing off the last of the scotch] Very interesting. But I feel rather... srange.
[spasms, then passes out]
Scott: [rather drunk himself, to the empty bottle] We did it, you and me. Put him right under the table.
[gets up and removes the paralyzing device from Tomar's belt]
Scott: I'll take this to the Captain.
[staggers to the door, then abruptly passes out]

Scott: Lad, you're going to need somet'n' to wash that down with. Have you ever tried any Saurian brandy?


"Star Trek: The Galileo Seven (#1.16)" (1967)
Scott: What a mess.
Spock: Picturesque descriptions will not mend broken circuits, Mr. Scott.

Scott: Mr. Spock, you said a while ago that there were always alternatives.
Spock: Did I? I may have been mistaken.
Dr. McCoy: Well at least I lived long enough to hear that.

Scott: [checking the shuttle's damage] Very bad, Mr. Spock.
Spock: In what way?
Scott: We've lost a great deal of fuel. We have no chance at all to reach escape velocity. And if we ever hope to make orbit, we'll have to lighten our load by at least 500 pounds.
Spock: The weight of three grown men.

Spock: Consider the alternatives, Mr. Scott.
Scott: We have no fuel! What alternatives?
Spock: Mr. Scott, there are always alternatives.


"Star Trek: Let That Be Your Last Battlefield (#3.15)" (1969)
Captain James T. Kirk: Computer, this is Captain James Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Destruct sequence 1: code 1-1A.
Computer voice: Voice and code 1-1A verified & correct. Sequence 1 complete.
Captain James T. Kirk: Mr. Spock?
Mr. Spock: This is Commander Spock, Science Officer. Destruct sequence number 2: code 1-1A-2B.
Computer voice: Voice and code verified & correct. Sequence 2 complete.
Captain James T. Kirk: Mr. Scott?
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: This is Lt. Cmdr. Scott, Chief Engineering officer of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Destruct sequence number 3: code 1-B-2-B-3.
Computer voice: Voice and code 1B-2B-3 verified & correct. Destruct sequence completed and engaged. Awaiting final code for 30 second countdown.
Captain James T. Kirk: Mr. Spock, has the ship returned to the course set for it by my orders?
Mr. Spock: Negative, Captain. We are still headed directly for Cheron.
Computer voice: Destruct sequence engaged. Awaiting final code for 30 second countdown.
Captain James T. Kirk: Computer, this is Captain James Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Begin 30 second countdown. Code zero-zero-zero-destruct-zero.
Computer voice: 30 seconds... 29... 28... 27...

Mr. Spock: [referring to Bele & Lokai] Fascinating. Two irrevocably hostile humanoids.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Disgusting is what I call 'em.
Mr. Spock: That description is not scientifically accurate.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Mr. Spock, the word 'disgusting' describes exactly what I feel about those two.
Captain James T. Kirk: That's enough for today. Those two are beginning to affect you.

Captain James T. Kirk: [after Bele relents, and Kirk cancels the self-destruct order] Mister Spock, is this ship headed for Ariannus?
Mr. Spock: Negative, Captain. The Enterprise is now moving in a circular course.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: And at Warp 10, we're going nowhere mighty fast.


"Star Trek: The Enterprise Incident (#3.2)" (1968)
Scott: They caught us right enough.
Captain James T. Kirk: Well, that's a brilliant observation, Mr. Scott. Do you have any other helpful opinions?
Scott: Well, we've not got many choices.
Captain James T. Kirk: We have three: We can fight, and be destroyed; or we can destroy the Enterprise ourselves and keep her from the Romulans, or we can... surrender.

Scott: I've got the device installed, but... bless me if I know whether it's going to work. It's the biggest guess I've ever made.

Captain James T. Kirk: Are those Romulan officers still aboard the ship?
Scott: They're in the brig, sir.
Captain James T. Kirk: I'll need a Romulan uniform.
Scott: [broad smile] Aye. It'll be a pleasure!


"Star Trek: Obsession (#2.13)" (1967)
Capt. Kirk: Report.
Scott: When it entered impulse engine number two's vent, it attacked two crewmen then got into the ventilating system, and now we have air for only two hours.
Capt. Kirk: Bones?
Dr. McCoy: One man has a chance for survival; the other is dead. You can add that little price tag to your monster hunt.
Capt. Kirk: That's enough, Bones.
Dr. McCoy: It's NOT enough! You didn't care what happened as long as you could hang your trophy on the wall. Well, it's not on it, Captain, it's in it!
Mr. Spock: Gentlemen, may I suggest we no longer belabor the question of whether or not we should have gone after the creature. The matter has been rendered academic. The creature is now after us.

Scott: Captain, thank heaven.
Mr. Spock: Mr. Scott, there was no deity involved. It was my cross-circuiting to B that recovered them.
Dr. McCoy: Well, then, thank pitchforks and pointed ears! As long as it worked, Jim.

Capt. Kirk: I'm aware of the situation, engineer, and I'm getting a little tired of my senior officers conspiring against me. Forgive me. Perhaps I shouldn't have used the word "conspire."
Scott: Agreed, sir.


"Star Trek: The Paradise Syndrome (#3.3)" (1968)
Scott: [as Spock overtaxes the ship's engines] That Vulcan won't be satisfied till these panels are a puddle of lead!

Scott: [as his engines burn out] Mah bairns... mah poor bairns!

Scott: And don't ask for any more warp 9 speeds, Mr. Spock. Our star drive is completely burned out. The only thing we have left is impulse power.
Mr. Spock: Estimated repair time.
Scott: Hangin' here in space? Forever!


"Star Trek: Spectre of the Gun (#3.6)" (1968)
Ed: You boys want your usual?
Scott: Absolutely! Er... half a gallon of scotch.
Ed: You know we ain't got nothin' but bourbon, 'less you want corn whiskey.

Scott: If we only had a phaser.
McCoy: Or a communicator. It'd be a pleasure to watch those Earps as we beamed back to the ship at exactly 4:59:30.

[Scott has volunteered to test the self-made tranquilizer]
Scott: [pours himself a drink] It's to kill the pain.
[empties the glass in one gulp]
Spock: But this is painless.
Scott: Well, you shoulda warned me sooner, Mr. Spock. Fire away.


Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)
Scotty: The energizer's bypassed like a Christmas tree, so don't give me too many bumps.

Preston: I believe you'll find everything ship-shape, Admiral.
Kirk: Oh, do you? Do you have any idea, Midshipman Preston, how many times I have had to listen to Mr. Scott on the comm, telling me his trouble? Do you have any idea of the ribbing I've had to endure in the officers' mess... to the effect that the Enterprise is a flying death trap?
Preston: Oh, no sir! Wha... this is the finest engine room in the whole Starfleet! If the Admiral can't see the facts for himself, then, with all due respect, he's as blind as a Tiberian bat!
Scotty: Ahem!
Preston: Sir!
Kirk: Midshipman, you're a tiger.
Scotty: My sister's youngest, Admiral. Crazy to get to space.
Kirk: Every young man's fantasy. Seem to remember it myself.

McCoy: [Kirk runs in to the engine room and sees Spock inside the reactor compartment. He rushes over but McCoy and Scotty hold him back] No! You'll flood the whole compartment!
Kirk: He'll die!
Scotty: Sir! He's dead already.
McCoy: It's too late.
[They let go and Kirk walks to the glass and pushes the intercom button]
Kirk: Spock!
[Spock slowly walks over to the glass and pushes the intercom]
Spock: Ship out of danger?
Kirk: Yes.
Spock: Don't grieve, Admiral. It is logical. The needs of the many, outweigh...
Kirk: The needs of the few.
Spock: Or the one. I never took the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?
Kirk: Spock.
[Spock sits down]
Spock: I have been, and always shall be, your friend.
[he places a Vulcan salute on the glass]
Spock: Live long and prosper.
[Spock dies]
Kirk: No.


"Star Trek: The Gamesters of Triskelion (#2.16)" (1968)
Scott: Mr. Spock, the captain, Lieutenant Uhura, and Chekov... they vanished. They got onto the transporter platform, and they just vanished.
Spock: I presume you mean they vanished in a manner not consistent with the usual workings of the transporter, Mr. Scott.
Scott: Aye, o' course I mean that. D'ya think I'd call ya if they just beamed down?

Captain James T. Kirk: Scotty!
Scott: Aye, sir.
Captain James T. Kirk: Beam us up.

Dr. McCoy: What in the name of heaven is this?
Scott: Heaven's got very little to do with this.


"Star Trek: Mudd's Women (#1.6)" (1966)
Captain James T. Kirk: Bridge to transporter room. How many did we get off?
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: [staring at Mudd's women] Oh. Erm... Four in all, sir.
Captain James T. Kirk: If the captain that vessel can walk, I want him in my cabin immediately. Correction, I want him there whether he can walk or not. Kirk out.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd aka Leo Walsh: That fellow sounded a mite upset, didn't he?
Lt. Cmdr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: [staring at Mudd's women] Yes... yes they are.

Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: We've got trouble, Mr. Spock.
Mr. Spock: I am well aware of that, Mr. Scott.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: One lithium crystal left and that with a hairline split at the base.

Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: But it's frustrating. Almost a million gross tons of vessel depending on a hunk a' crystal the size of my fist.


"Star Trek: The Infinite Vulcan (#1.7)" (1973)
Lieutenant Uhura: All power sources locked in, Mr. Scott.
Scotty: Then throw the switch, Lieutenant.

Scotty: Oh, the equipment's guaranteed, but I have my doubts about the stuff inside.

Scotty: My engineers are working on it now, sir. You'll have it within the hour.


"Star Trek: A Piece of the Action (#2.17)" (1968)
Jojo Krako: I wanna know what happened!
Scott: It looks like we put the bag on YOU, doesn't it?
Jojo Krako: I got rights!
Scott: You got nothin'. You mind you place, mister, or you'll... you'll be wearin' concrete galoshes.
Jojo Krako: You mean cement overshoes?
Scott: Erm... Aye.

Capt. Kirk: [into communicator] Kirk to Enterprise.
Scott: Enterprise. Scott here, sir.
Capt. Kirk: [talking like a Chicago mobster] You got Krako on ice?
Scott: Aye, he's here. Mad enough to chew neutronium, but behavin' himself.
Capt. Kirk: OK, baby, cool him until I flag you.
Scott: Flag me?
Capt. Kirk: [normal voice] Keep him there until I send for him.
Capt. Kirk: [as mobster] We're gonna make some old-style phone calls from this locale. So you, ah, locate the man at de other end o' de blower and give 'im a ride to this flop.
Scott: What?
Capt. Kirk: [normal voice] Find the man at the other end of the phone and transport him to these coordinates.
Capt. Kirk: [back as mobster] Can do, sweetheart?
Scott: [dubiously] Can do, Captain.

Scott: Lt. Hadley. Check the language banks and find out what a... "heater" is.


"Star Trek: Wink of an Eye (#3.11)" (1968)
Scott: Ship's Log, Stardate 5710.5, Lieutenant Commander Scott reporting. While exploring an outer quadrant of the galaxy, the Enterprise received distress calls from an apparently uninhabited, incredibly beautiful city on the planet of Scalos. Captain Kirk and a landing party have beamed down to investigate.

Scott: Captain Kirk! Where the blazes did you come from?
Captain James T. Kirk: Out of the nowhere, into the here.

Mr. Spock: Mr. Scott, we can not cope with them on our level.
Scott: Can we find some was of coping with them on theirs?
Mr. Spock: That is a very logical suggestion.


"Star Trek: A Private Little War (#2.19)" (1968)
Capt. Kirk: Mr. Spock, ask Scotty how long it would take him to reproduce 100 flintlocks.
Scott: I didn't get that exactly, Captain. 100 what?
Capt. Kirk: 100... serpents. Serpents for the Garden of Eden.

Scott: [Kirk and McCoy are holding Spock when they transport up] What happened, Captain?
Capt. Kirk: Lead projectile. Primitive firearm.
Dr. M'Benga: [They put Spock on the bed] Vitalizer 'B.'
[Gives Spock an injection]
Dr. McCoy: Pressure backing.
[Nurse hands pressure backing to McCoy]
Dr. McCoy: Lucky his heart is where his liver should be or he'd be dead now.
Dr. M'Benga: Not good, sir.
Dr. McCoy: Coranalin!
Capt. Kirk: [Whistle from ship; Alarm goes off] Bones, can you save him?
Uhura: [Uhura talks through the speaker/intercom] All decks, Red Alert! Battle Stations! Battle Stations! Go to Red Alert!
Capt. Kirk: [Kirk walks to intercom] Kirk here.
Uhura: Uhura, sir. We have a Klingon vessel on our screen.
Capt. Kirk: On my way. Scotty?
[Kirk and Scott walk to door / door opens]
Capt. Kirk: Bones?
Dr. McCoy: I don't know yet, Jim.
[Kirk and Scott leave transporter room]

Scott: [Scott enters Sickbay and sees Nurse Chapel slapping the unconscious Mr. Spock] What are you doing, woman?
Nurse Chapel: [grabbed by Scott] Leave me alone!
Scott: Have ya gone daft?
Nurse Chapel: Mr. Spock needs me!


"Star Trek: The Magicks of Megas-Tu (#1.8)" (1973)
Scotty: Captain, there's no reason for it but the engines are fading out.

Scotty: Captain, I don't know how much more emergency power we can take before we start to break up.


"Star Trek: Assignment: Earth (#2.26)" (1968)
Scott: It's impossible to hide a whole planet.
Mister Seven: Impossible for you, not for them.

Scott: [on Kirk's open and activated communicator] Captain, can you read me? I was beaming up Mr. Seven and something yanked him away from me.
Security Chief: [picks up communicator] Hello? Hello, come in.
Mr. Spock: Here...
Security Chief: [into communicator] Who are you?
Mr. Spock: ...let me help you, Sergeant. It's operated from this dial here.
[Spock nerve-pinches him]


"Star Trek: Turnabout Intruder (#3.24)" (1969)
Scott: Doctor, I've seen the captain feverish, sick, drunk, delirious, terrified, overjoyed, boiling mad... but up to now, I have never seen him red-faced with hysteria.

Scott: We'll have to take over the ship.
Dr. McCoy: We're talking about mutiny, Scotty.
Scott: Aye. Are you ready for the vote?


"Star Trek: The Enemy Within (#1.5)" (1966)
Scott: A few seconds after they sent this one up through the transporter, that duplicate appeared. Except it's not a duplicate. It's an opposite. Two of the same animal, but different. One gentle: this. One mean and fierce: that. Some kind of savage, ferocious opposite. Captain, we don't dare send Mr. Sulu and the landing party up. If this should happen to a man...

Scott: Uh, it might profit ya to let Dr. McCoy give ya the once-over.
Captain James T. Kirk: All right, engineer, I'll have my engines looked to.


"Star Trek: Wolf in the Fold (#2.14)" (1967)
Scott: Captain, you mean my neck is gonna have to depend on some spooky mumbo-jumbo?

Scott: I went toward her, but... there was something in my way.
Captain James T. Kirk: Something? You mean, someone.
Scott: No, Captain, some... thing. Cold, it was, like a... stinking draft out of a slaughterhouse, but it wasn't... really there. Like a... if you know what I mean.


"Star Trek: Space Seed (#1.22)" (1967)
Captain James T. Kirk: [looking at a library picture of Khan on viewscreen] Name: Khan Noonien Singh.
Mr. Spock: From 1992 through 1996, absolute ruler of more than a quarter of your world, from Asia through the Middle East.
Dr. McCoy: The last of the tyrants to be overthrown.
Scott: I must confess, gentlemen. I've always held a sneaking admiration for this one.
Captain James T. Kirk: He was the best of the tyrants and the most dangerous. They were supermen in a sense. Stronger, braver, certainly more ambitious, more daring.
Mr. Spock: Gentlemen, this romanticism about a ruthless dictator is...
Captain James T. Kirk: Mr. Spock, we humans have a streak of barbarism in us. Appalling, but there, nevertheless.
Scott: There were no massacres under is rule.
Mr. Spock: And as little freedom.
Dr. McCoy: No wars until he was attacked.
Mr. Spock: Gentlemen...
[All but Spock laugh]
Captain James T. Kirk: Mr. Spock, you misunderstand us. We can be against him and admire him all at the same time.
Mr. Spock: Illogical.
Captain James T. Kirk: Totally.

[Khan is escorted out by Security]
Scott: It's a shame for a good Scotsman to admit it, but I'm not up on Milton
Captain James T. Kirk: The statement Lucifer made when he fell into the pit: "It is better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven."
Mr. Spock: It would be interesting, Captain, to return to that world in 100 years and learn what crop had sprung from the seed you planted today.
Captain James T. Kirk: Yes, Mr. Spock. It would indeed.


"Star Trek: The Empath (#3.12)" (1968)
Sulu: Do you suppose our landing party could be in any danger?
Scott: That's not likely. The planet's atmosphere will give them ample protection. And if I know Captain Kirk, he'll be more worried about us than we are about him.
[cut to Kirk, strung up by his wrists and under torture]

Dr. McCoy: Well, personally, I find it fascinating that with all their scientific knowledge and advances, that it was good old-fashioned human emotion that they valued the most.
Scott: Perhaps the Vulcans should hear about this.
Captain James T. Kirk: Mr. Spock, can you be prevailed upon to bring them the news?
Mr. Spock: Possibly, Captain.
Mr. Spock: [with a wry look] I shall certainly give the thought all the consideration it is due.


"Star Trek: The Apple (#2.5)" (1967)
Scott: [on bridge of the Enterprise] Captain, we pulled away a little, we gained... maybe an hour... but we blew almost every system in the ship doing it. There's nothing left to try again. I guess you'll have to fire me, sir.
Capt. Kirk: [on planet surface] You're fired.
[closes communicator absentmindedly]
Capt. Kirk: 400 people...
McCoy: Jim...
Capt. Kirk: They'll die because I couldn't see a warning sign. I had to follow orders, always orders.

Scott: We can't make transporter contact, sir. The entire system's inhibited. The way it is now, we couldn't beam up a fly.


Star Trek: Generations (1994)
[Kirk is invited to give a command to the new Enterprise-B]
Kirk: Take us out.
Chekov: Very good, sir.
Scotty: Brought a tear to my eye.
Kirk: Oh, be quiet.

Scotty: Finding retirement a little lonely, are we?
Kirk: You know, I'm glad you're an engineer. With tact like that, you'd make a lousy psychiatrist.


"Star Trek: Friday's Child (#2.11)" (1967)
Scott: There's an old, old saying on earth, Mr. Sulu: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."
Chekov: I know this saying. It was invented in Russia.
[smiles devilishly]

Chekov: Mr. Scott. Picking up something on the sensors, sir. Seems to be another ship.
Scott: Well, let's put it on the screen.
[screen reveals nothing]
Chekov: It's just at the edge of our sensor range, sir. Hard to get an exact reading.
Sulu: You think it's a Klingon ship?
Scott: Who else would be playing cat and mouse with a starship?


"Star Trek: The Naked Time (#1.4)" (1966)
Uhura: [over the intercom] Entering planet's outer atmosphere, sir.
Scotty: Captain!
Capt. Kirk: What is it?
Scotty: He's turned the engines off. They're completely cold. It'll take 30 minutes to regenerate them.
Uhura: [over the intercom] Entering planet's outer atmosphere, sir. Ship's outer skin is beginning to heat, Captain. Orbit plot shows we have about 8 minutes left.
Capt. Kirk: Scotty!
Scotty: I can't change the law of physics! I've got to have 30 minutes!

Capt. Kirk: The purpose of a briefing, gentlemen, is to get me answers based on your abilities and experience. In a critical orbit there's no time for surprise.
Scotty: Unless you people on the bridge start taking showers with your clothes on, my engines can pull us out of anything. We'll be warping out of orbit within a half second a' getting your command.


"Star Trek: Day of the Dove (#3.7)" (1968)
Captain James T. Kirk: What about the armory?
Scott: Well, I'm there now, sir, and you never saw such a fine collection of antiques in your life.

Mr. Spock: [deflecting Scott's maniac temper from Kirk] Easy, Mr. Scott.
Scott: Keep your Fulkin hands off me! Just keep away! Your feelings might be hurt, you green-blooded half-breed!
Mr. Spock: May I say that I have not thoroughly enjoyed serving with Humans? I find their illogic and foolish emotions a constant irritant.
Scott: Then transfer out, freak!


"Star Trek: The Way to Eden (#3.20)" (1969)
Scott: I don't know why a young mind has to be an undisciplined one. They're troublemakers!
Captain James T. Kirk: I used to get into a little trouble when I was that age, Scotty, didn't you?

Scott: Captain, I just had to give one of those barefooted whaddayacallems the boot out of here. She came in bold as brass, tried to incite my crew to disaffect.


"Star Trek: Bem (#2.2)" (1974)
Uhura: We can't get any readings at all now.
Scott: Aye, that tears it. The Loch Ness monster couldn't get through that.

Capt. Kirk: Spread out. Find Commander Bem. He's split into three individual parts.
Scott: Beg pardon, sir?
Capt. Kirk: He's some kind of colony creature. And take care not to injure any of the natives here. Phasers on lightest possible stun setting. And don't fire, unless absolutely necessary.


"Star Trek: Return to Tomorrow (#2.20)" (1968)
Scott: It's a fancy name, but how will something that looks like a drop of jelly make this thing work? You'll need microgears and some form of pulley that does what a muscle does.

Scott: [in astonished disbelief] You're going to WHAT? Are they all right in the head, Doctor?
Dr. McCoy: [boldly] No comment.
Capt. Kirk: A simple transference. Their minds and ours.
Dr. McCoy: [sarcastically] Quite simple. happens every day.


Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
Cmdr. Montgomery "Scotty" Scott: The crew hasn't had near enough transition time with all the new equipment. And the engines, they're not even tested at warp power. And an untried captain.
Captain James T. Kirk: Two and a half years as Chief of Starfleet Operations may have made me a little stale, but I wouldn't consider myself untried... They gave her back to me, Scotty.
Cmdr. Montgomery "Scotty" Scott: Gave her back, sir? I doubt it was that easy with Nogura.
Captain James T. Kirk: [in a mock Scottish accent] You're right.
[both laugh]


"Star Trek: The Tholian Web (#3.9)" (1968)
Mr. Spock: [about theragen being a deadly Klingon nerve gas] If I remember correctly, it caused fatality only when used in pure form.
Dr. McCoy: That's right. And in this derivative, mixed with alcohol, it merely deadens certain nerve inputs to the brain.
Scott: Oh, well, any decent brand o' Scotch'll do that.
Dr. McCoy: Oh? Well, one good slug of this, and you could hit a man with phaser stun and he'd never feel it, or even know it.
Scott: Does it make a good mix with Scotch?
Dr. McCoy: It should.
Scott: [heading out with the beaker of theragen derivative] I'll let ya know.


Star Trek Adventure (1991)
Scott: Welcome aboard the Enterprise! Graduates, you are expected on the bridge!


"Star Trek: The Survivor (#1.6)" (1973)
Scotty: What manner of beastie is that?
Mr. Spock: Your deflector shield, Mr. Scott.


"Star Trek: The Doomsday Machine (#2.6)" (1967)
Capt. Kirk: If I only had some phasers.
Scott: Phasers - you've got 'em. I have one bank recharged.
Capt. Kirk: Scotty, you just earned your pay for the week.


"Star Trek: How Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth (#2.5)" (1974)
Scott: I could never be proud of puttin' wee beasties in cages.


"Star Trek: The Changeling (#2.3)" (1967)
[outtake from a scene shortly before beaming Nomad aboard the ship]
Capt. Kirk: We are prepared to beam you aboard.
Scott: Captain... you forgot all about the environment and all that stuff. Do you wanna really do that?
[everyone bursts out laughing]


"Star Trek: Operation -- Annihilate! (#1.29)" (1967)
Scott: Freeze right there, Mr. Spock, or I'll put ya to sleep for sure.


"Star Trek: Is There in Truth No Beauty? (#3.5)" (1968)
Dr. McCoy: [toasting] How can one so beautiful condemn herself to look upon ugliness the rest of her life? Will we allow it, gentlemen?
Captain James T. Kirk: Certainly not.
Mr. Spock: Negative.
Scott, Larry Marvick: No-no.
Dr. Miranda Jones: [counter-toast to McCoy] How can one so full of joy and the love of life as you, Doctor, condemn yourself to look upon disease and suffering for the rest of YOUR life? Can we allow THAT, gentlemen?


"Star Trek Continues: Pilgrim of Eternity (#1.1)" (2013)
Paladin: I'd like you to take a look at this gun. It's handcrafted to my specifications. Balance is excellent. The trigger responds to a pressure of one ounce.
Captain James T. Kirk: I'm quite familiar with the piece. Perhaps we could talk about this.
Paladin: I rarely draw it unless I mean to use it. Care for a demonstration?
Mr. Scott: Freeze program. Was she everything I promised, sir?
Captain James T. Kirk: And more! I've never seen a holographic program this detailed before. I swear I can almost smell the gun oil.
Mr. Scott: Aye, well she's still in the experimental stage, but once we get the bugs out...


"Star Trek: Bread and Circuses (#2.25)" (1968)
Scott: They're in trouble, and I am under orders not to interfere. However, no order can stop me from frightening them. It may do no good, but it may suggest to someone just what a starship can really do.


"Star Trek: The Immunity Syndrome (#2.18)" (1968)
Capt. Kirk: What do you think, Scotty? Forward thrust?
Scott: I don't know, sir. It goes against the rules of logic.
Capt. Kirk: Yes it does, doesn't it? Well, if it doesn't work, I'll never let Spock live it down.


"Star Trek: I, Mudd (#2.8)" (1967)
McCoy: [mechanically] You offer us only well-being.
Scott: [mechanically] Food and drink and happiness mean nothing to us.
McCoy: We must be about our job.
Scott: Suffering in torment and pain, laboring without end.
McCoy: Dying and crying and lamenting over our burdens.
McCoy, Scott: [together] Only this way can we... be... happy.
[They curtsey sweetly]


"Star Trek: The City on the Edge of Forever (#1.28)" (1967)
Scott: [Kirk & Spock return from the past through the Guardian] What happened, sir? You only left a moment ago.
Spock: [to Scott, after seeing McCoy return through the Guardian] We were successful.
Guardian of Forever: TIME HAS RESUMED ITS SHAPE. ALL IS AS IT WAS BEFORE. MANY SUCH JOURNEYS ARE POSSIBLE. LET ME BE YOUR GATEWAY.
Lt. Uhura: Captain, the Enterprise is up there. They're asking if we want to beam up.
Capt. Kirk: [softly] Let's get the Hell out of here.


"Star Trek: The Mark of Gideon (#3.16)" (1969)
Hodin: [on viewscreen, speaking from Gideon] Mr. Spock you are an officer of a spaceship. In your profession you use many instruments, tools and weapons to achieve your objectives.
Mr. Spock: [on the bridge of the Enterprise] True, your excellency.
Hodin: However, the only 'tool' diplomacy has is language. It is of the utmost importance that the meaning be crystal clear.
Mr. Spock: Your excellency, I am basically a scientist. Clarity of formulation is essential in my profession also.
Hodin: I am glad to hear it. Perhaps you could then make greater effort to choose your words more precisely.
[sits down]
Dr. McCoy: [to Spock] Are you gonna let him get away with that?
Scott: No matter what ye say, Mr. Spock, he'll twist your meaning.
Uhura: Yes, he's infuriating, sir, how can you stand it?


"Star Trek: Whom Gods Destroy (#3.14)" (1969)
Mr. Spock: Spock to Enterprise.
Scott: [over communicator] Enterprise here. Queen to Queen's level three.
Mr. Spock: Queen to King's level one.


"Star Trek New Voyages: Phase II: To Serve All My Days (#1.2)" (2006)
Captain Kargh: I am offering our assistance.
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery Scott: Cut him loose, Captain. Why would this sassanach want to help us?
Captain Kargh: Because whoever it is, is an enemy to us both.


"Star Trek: Mirror, Mirror (#2.4)" (1967)
Bones: I'm a doctor, NOT an engineer.
Scotty: NOW you're an engineer.


"Star Trek: And the Children Shall Lead (#3.4)" (1968)
Captain James T. Kirk: Scotty. I want you to override the bridge navigation system; plot a course for Starbase 4.
Scott: I can't do that, sir.
Captain James T. Kirk: Why not?
Scott: [manipulated by Don] These are very sensitive instruments. I will not have you upset their delicate balance. We would all be lost, forever lost! - Go away now. Go away, or we'll kill ya.


"Star Trek: The Cloud Minders (#3.21)" (1969)
Scott: The Advisor looked mighty angry. I hope he doesn't give the captain too much trouble.
Mr. Spock: The captain will employ his usual diplomatic balm.


"Star Trek: The Terratin Incident (#1.11)" (1973)
Scotty: Engineering. No casualties, captain, but trouble aplenty with the engines. Every dilithium crystal connection smashed in the warp engine circuitry. We're trying to bypass them now.
Captain James T. Kirk: What about main circuits?
Scotty: Well you have ta see it to believe it, sir. Those big crystals in there have come apart. Each of them, unpeeling like the rind of an orange.


"Star Trek New Voyages: Phase II: Blood and Fire: Part One (#1.4)" (2008)
Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery Scott: Sleep, there's no such thing. It's just an old space tale like Sparkle dancers or Klingons with a heart of gold.
Lt. Pavel Chekov: No, I remember sleep. I did it once. You lie down and don't do anything for six hours. Wonderful.


"Star Trek: Arena (#1.18)" (1967)
Mr. Spock: A sustained warp 7 speed will be dangerous, Captain.
Captain James T. Kirk: Thank you, Mr. Spock. I mean to catch them.
Scott: We'll either catch them or we'll blow up, Captain. They may be faster than we are.
Captain James T. Kirk: They'll have to prove it.


"Star Trek: The Ambergris Element (#1.13)" (1973)
Doctor McCoy: [on intercom] There's a seaquake due in that area. A bad one. Complete topography changes.
Scotty: How soon?
Doctor McCoy, Scotty: Within four hours. When are Jim and Spock due to make contact?
Scotty: About the same time.
Scotty: Well can you contact them sooner?
Scotty: We can try like blue blazes. Scott out.