Tom Paris
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Quotes for
Tom Paris (Character)
from "Star Trek: Voyager" (1995)

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"Star Trek: Voyager: Bride of Chaotica! (#5.12)" (1999)
[aboard Captain Proton's rocket ship on the holodeck]
Tuvok: *These* are your 'sensor readings'?
Tom Paris: Telegram. It's a message to Captain Proton from the President of Earth.
Tom Paris: [reads from 1930s-style telegram] 'Intercepted communications between Doctor Chaotica and Arachnia - stop. Chaotica at war with aliens from fifth dimension - stop. Must strike now to disable death ray - '
Tuvok: Stop. Please summarize the message.

Captain Kathryn Janeway: Let me get this straight. Trans-dimensional aliens have mistaken your Captain Proton simulation for reality?
Tom Paris: Yes, ma'am.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: And now an armed conflict has broken out between these aliens and Chaotica's holographic army?
Tom Paris: Yes, ma'am. His Army of Evil.

[the crew tries to persuade Janeway to take on the role of Arachnia]
Seven of Nine: Think of it as Starfleet's first encounter with Planet X.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Thanks.
Tom Paris: Uh, Captain, it won't be so bad. I can explain to you what you can expect, I can tell you...
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Alright, alright!
[sighs]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I'm a size 4.

Tom Paris: [on Chaotica] First of all, he's a megalomaniac, so it's a good idea to appeal to his ego.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Right.
Tom Paris: And, um... use grandiose language. He likes to be called 'Sire', and it helps to say things like: 'The clever fiendishness of your evil plan is brilliant!'

Tom Paris: One more thing: if you have trouble with Chaotica or you can't get to the death ray, you can always uncork the pheromones.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I beg your pardon?
Tom Paris: Uh... Chapter 16: Spell of the Spider. Arachnia sends Chaotica a vial of her irresistible potion. Now, whenever he gets a whiff, he's under her spell.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I get the picture.

Captain Kathryn Janeway: [after Paris has filled her in on Chaotica] This is how you've been spending your free time?
Tom Paris: Well, I've been studying how past generations viewed the future.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: And?
Tom Paris: Well, it didn't work out quite as black and white as they imagined.

Tom Paris: I'll see you at the Fortress of Doom. And remember: you're the queen!

Tom Paris: I was about to say 'Captain Proton to the rescue'. But I see you have everything under control.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I'm the queen, remember?

Dr. Chaotica: Arachnia. Death, as you know it, has no hold on me. My defeat is but a temporary setback. I shall return to seek my revenge.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: He doesn't give up, does he?
Tom Paris: They never do.

Tom Paris: Space drive.
Harry Kim: Check.
Satan's Robot: Check!
Tom Paris: Destructo beam?
Harry Kim: Check.
Satan's Robot: Check!
Tom Paris: [indicating Satan's Robot] If I could access holodeck controls, the first thing I'd do is delete this guy.
Satan's Robot: Delete this guy!
Tom Paris: As a matter of fact, as soon as this is all over, I think I'm gonna delete the whole program!
Harry Kim: What about your historical study?
Tom Paris: Class dismissed. No more robots, no more mad scientist, no more death rays. I am retiring my rocket pack, Harry. Someone else can save the universe from now on.
Harry Kim: Final chapter, huh?
Tom Paris: The End.

[when an alien enters through the hatch of Captain Proton's rocket ship, Satan's Robot steps between him and Paris]
Satan's Robot: Invaders! In...!
Tom Paris: [whacks Robot with his phaser] Quiet!
Satan's Robot: [at much lower volume, almost sadly] Invaders.
[walks away]

Tom Paris: [about Satan's Robot, who is malfunctioning] Looks like... he burned out a resistor.
Tuvok: A what?

Tom Paris: Doc, activate the destructo beam!
The Doctor: The what?
Tom Paris: The big button in the middle of that panel.
[the Doctor is about to press a button in the middle of *a* panel]
Tom Paris, Harry Kim: [horrified] The other panel!

[last lines]
Dr. Chaotica: Our love was not meant to be, my queen. But be warned; you have not seen the last of... Chaotica...
[collapses]
Tom Paris: The end of a twisted madman.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: And you're going to miss him.
Tom Paris: A little.
[on an 'imagizer', music announces 'The End - ?' - of the chapter, followed by Chaotica's maniacal laughter]

Harry Kim: Cliffhangers!
Tom Paris: The lost art of a hyperbole.

Captain Kathryn Janeway: You're not suggesting we wait until this... Chaotica defeats the aliens?
Tom Paris: No, no. I'm suggesting, that we help the aliens to defeat Chaotica. They think he's leading some kind of hostile invasion force, once that threat is gone it's a good bet they will leave and close up their portals.
Chakotay: How do you propose to defeat Chaotica?
Tom Paris: Well, he's been attacking the aliens with his Death Ray...
Tuvok: It's a shame we don't have one.
Tom Paris: No, forget about what it's called Tuvok! In the world of Captain Proton it's the most powerful weapon that there is, and because it's photonic it's lethal to these aliens. Now, in chapter 18 Captain Proton disables this weapon Just before Chaotica can use it to destroy Earth.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: And you think that Proton - namely you, of course - could still do that?
Tom Paris: Well, we'd have to knock out the Lightning Shield first...
Seven of Nine: A force-field.
Tom Paris: Yep, now you're catching on. The Destruct-o Beam on my Rocket Ship can can disable the Death Ray but only if someone gets inside the Fortress of Doom and can shut down the Lightning Shield.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Threshold (#2.15)" (1996)
[Paris plans to put the first ever warp 10 flight into practice]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Well, good luck, Mr. Paris. If this works, you'll be joining an elite group of pilots. Orville Wright, Neil Armstrong, Zefram Cochrane - and Tom Paris.
Tom Paris: I kinda like the way that sounds.

[Paris is delirious]
Tom Paris: Do you cry?
The Doctor: [looks unsure] It's not in my program.
Tom Paris: Shame.
[giggles]
Tom Paris: You know, it's funny. What I remember most about being a kid are the times I spent in my room crying. I liked my room, though. It was quiet in there. People'd leave me alone. I'd keep the door locked, read, play games.
[smiles]
Tom Paris: I lost my virginity in that room. Seventeen. Parents were away for the weekend.
The Doctor: I'll note that in your medical file.

[Paris has been denied the transwarp flight on medical grounds]
Tom Paris: When I was a boy, my father used to tell me that I was special. That one day I'd do something significant. My teachers at school, all the kids, everyone used to say, "Tom Paris is gonna do something important when he grows up". Obviously that didn't happen.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: This isn't about personal redemption. We're talking about medical risk. Your life could be in danger, and we need you.
Tom Paris: Captain, this is the first time in ten years I feel I *have* a life to risk.

[Paris has horrible mutations over his face and body]
Tom Paris: Pretty disgusting, huh?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: You've looked better. How do you feel?
Tom Paris: Like a lab experiment gone wrong.

Tom Paris: You're losing me, aren't you? I'm gonna die.
The Doctor: You're too stubborn to die, Mr. Paris.

Tom Paris: "Here lies Thomas Eugene Paris, Beloved Mutant."
The Doctor: A fitting epitaph, but I don't intend to let you use it just yet.
Kes: Radiometric emitters are charged and ready.
The Doctor: Begin with 45 rads per second.
Tom Paris: Great. Now it'll read "Beloved Radioactive Mutant."

Tom Paris: BIG funeral, with lots of pretty girls all crying. Except Torres. Torres doesn't cry, d'you ever notice that? I don't trust people who don't cry.

[Paris drinks some of Neelix's 'Paris Delight' blend]
Tom Paris: Ugh! Ugh! I wish Neelix would name something after me that tasted a little better.

Tom Paris: Kiss me.
The Doctor: What?
Tom Paris: Not you. Her.
[nods toward Kes]
The Doctor: She can't breathe the atmosphere in here.
Tom Paris: Consider it a last request.

[Paris has come back from the dead]
Tom Paris: Wha... what's happening?
The Doctor: All of your internal organs are functioning again. In fact... you seem to have an extra one.
Tom Paris: Wha...?
The Doctor: You have... two hearts.

Tom Paris: See you at warp 10.

Tom Paris: [describing his transwarp flight] For a moment, I was everywhere. I mean... everywhere, Captain! With the Kazon, back home, with the Klingons, other galaxies, it was all there! I don't know how else to explain it. It was like... Well, no, it wasn't like anything.
The Doctor: Well - I'm glad you had a good time.

Tom Paris: I guess this whole experience has left me feeling a little overwhelmed. Flying at warp 10, evolving into a new life-form, mating, having alien offspring...
Captain Kathryn Janeway: You've broken more than one record, that's for sure.

[last lines]
Tom Paris: I'm starting to realize that it's not other people's opinions I should be worried about; it's mine. Seems, Captain, that I still have a few barriers to break. I just hope they're not theoretical impossibilities.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Somehow... I don't think they will be.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Thirty Days (#5.9)" (1998)
Lt. Tom Paris: Well, you've done it again, Harry.
Harry Kim: What?
Lt. Tom Paris: Fallen for the unattainable woman. First it was a hologram, then a Borg, and now the wrong twin.
Harry Kim: At least I'm consistent.

Tom Paris: Leola root stew again? That's the third time this week! Can't you just replicate me a pizza?
Neelix: Sorry, Tom. Basic nutrition only. Captain's orders.
Tom Paris: Bread and water, huh?

Tom Paris: You don't understand what it's like being down here all day every day. I'm going crazy!
The Doctor: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the idea?

Lt. Tom Paris: Captain Proton's not gonna be able to save the day this time, is he?
B'Elanna Torres: What about Tom Paris?

Lt. Tom Paris: Ah, boson. Ready to shove off?
Seven of Nine: What are you talking about, Lieutenant?
Lt. Tom Paris: Call me 'Skipper'.
Harry Kim: [repeating Tom's earlier words] Sailor talk. You'll get used to it.
Seven of Nine: I think not.

[the Doctor is treating Paris who has knocked his head on during abrupt flight maneuvers]
The Doctor: There we are.
Tom Paris: That's it? Aren't you gonna run a neurological scan? Maybe I should be granted a medical reprieve.
The Doctor: Your injury was what Naomi Wildman refers to as a 'boo-boo'.

Lt. Tom Paris: Those structures, what are they?
Riga: It's our main oxygen refinery and desalination plant.
Seven of Nine: [analyzing] Corrosion-resistant alloys; variable density ballast. An efficient design.
Harry Kim: That means she's impressed.

Captain Janeway: Four years ago I released you from prison and gave you a fresh start. Until now you've been a fine officer; your service on this ship has been exemplary. I really believed you were past this kind of conduct.
Lt. Tom Paris: I've never been very good at playing by the rules. That doesn't mean that serving under your command hasn't changed me - for the better. At least, this time I broke the rules for a reason - for something I believed in.
Captain Janeway: I admire your principles, Tom. But I can't ignore what you've done.

Tom Paris: [starts doing push-ups] 1... 2... 3...
[Neelix enters the brig]
Tom Paris: ...98... 99... 100!
Neelix: Staying in shape?
Tom Paris: Oh, yeah. I do it every time I'm in jail.

Tom Paris: So, did you ask the warden about those holodeck privileges?
Neelix: Er, she said, and I quote: "Tell Mr. Paris, this is punishment, not shore leave."
Tom Paris: Was worth a try.
Neelix: Well, see you next meal.
Tom Paris: Wait, leaving already? Er... pull up a chair, stay awhile.
Neelix: Sorry. "No non-essential conversation with the prisoner."
Tom Paris: Do the words 'cruel' and 'unusual' mean anything to her? I'm telling you, Neelix, the inmates are getting restless. She's gonna have a full-blown prison riot on her hands.
[Paris is the only prisoner in the brig]

Tom Paris: Begin letter. "Dear Father..." - Pause, and erase.
[second attempt]
Tom Paris: Begin. "To Admiral Paris..." - Pause, and erase.
[third attempt]
Tom Paris: Begin. "Hey, Dad. Long time no see."

[Paris is unsure whether to finish his letter to his father]
Harry Kim: You'll feel better getting it off your chest.
Tom Paris: Are you bucking for ship's counselor, Harry?
Harry Kim: What're you gonna do? Delete the letter? *That* would be pointless.
Tom Paris: At least I'm consistent.
[... ]
Harry Kim: What was it you once told me? That your father used to say you never finished anything?

[last lines]
Tom Paris: [in his letter to his father] "I honestly don't know if I'll ever understand you. Or what went wrong between us. But I hope this letter helps you understand me a little better." - Computer, file letter in my personal database. And transmit when we're within range of Earth.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Alice (#6.5)" (1999)
Tom Paris: Congratulations, Tuvok. You just saved us from a flotilla of hostile trash.
[after Tuvok has raised shields and charged weapons against a junkyard]

B'Elanna Torres: So, I finally get to meet the other woman.
Tom Paris: Well, don't be too critical; she's a long way from finished.
B'Elanna Torres: When have you ever known me to be critical?
Tom Paris: [laughs] Is that a trick question?

[first lines]
Tom Paris: All right, all right, hold on - if you were married in 2304 and your daughter was conceived during your eleventh pon farr, that would make you... 162 years old.
Tuvok: Incorrect.
Harry Kim: Come on, Tom, the man's not a day over 140. We know you were at least 100 when you joined Starfleet the second time, so I'm guessing you're around... 133?
Tuvok: Also incorrect. I'm afraid you both lack sufficient data to reach a logical conclusion.
Tom Paris: Come on, Tuvok, tell us.
Tuvok: I see no reason to enlighten you.
Harry Kim: Don't tell me Vulcans are embarrassed about their age.
Tuvok: On the contrary. We value the wisdom that comes with advancing years.
Tom Paris: In that case, how *wise* are you?
Tuvok: Wise enough to end this inquiry.

Tom Paris: Look at those lines. It's a work of art. That ship wasn't assembled, it was sculpted. I think I'm in love...
[on seeing 'Alice' for the first time]

Harry Kim: Alice?
Tom Paris: Well, I've got to call her something.
Harry Kim: How about 'The Lost Cause'?
Tom Paris: [chuckles] Alice Battisti *was* the lost cause.

Tom Paris: Even B'Elanna thinks restoring this ship is worthwhile.
Chakotay: Maybe, if we had the manpower to restore it.
Tom Paris: No, I'll do all the work myself, on my own time. And, if I need a hand, Harry's offered to help.
Harry Kim: I have?

Neelix: There's nothing like having your own ship. I remember when I first laid eyes on my little freighter, Baxial.
Tom Paris: No, don't tell me - love at first sight!
Neelix: Actually, I thought she was the ugliest thing I ever saw.
[both laugh]
Neelix: But she grew on me. Eventually, I, I couldn't imagine being without her. You know, she's still down in the shuttle bay. Why don't we get her and Alice together and go on a double date?
Tom Paris: Yeah. You pack the picnic basket, I'll bring the deuterium.

[Paris tells Alice about his very first flight experience]
Tom Paris: ...But then... came this moment of clarity, when suddenly everything made sense.
Alice: The clouds parted.
Tom Paris: I was flying! - No matter how many starships I've piloted since then, I'm still chasing that feeling.
Alice: Tomorrow you'll catch it. Only this time, there won't be any clumsy controls to get in the way. Just you - me - and the stars.

Alice: "And Daedalus fashioned wings from wax and feathers, and used them to escape his prison."
Tom Paris: That's one of my favorite myths.
Alice: I know.
Tom Paris: But you left out the part where Icarus flew too close to the sun and his wings melted.
Alice: Poetic license.

Tom Paris: My arms, they feel numb.
Alice: Who needs arms when you have wings?

[last lines]
Tom Paris: From now on, I promise, no more affairs with strange ships.
B'Elanna Torres: What about the Delta Flyer?
Tom Paris: We're just friends.

Tom Paris: I'm sorry - for everything.
B'Elanna Torres: It wasn't your fault.
Tom Paris: But I remember all of it - everything I said, everything I did... It was like I was sleepwalking.
B'Elanna Torres: The important thing is, you woke up.
Tom Paris: Yeah... Thanks for being my alarm clock.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Drive (#7.3)" (2000)
[Tom Paris wants to participate in a race, much against Tuvok's wishes]
Tom Paris: Captain, this race is more than just a sporting event. Until recently, this region was a war zone. Four different species fought for nearly a century to control it.
Harry Kim: Now, for the first time, they're competing peacefully, to commemorate the new treaty that ended the war.
Tom Paris: This race embodies everything the Federation values: a peaceful coexistence, free exchange of ideas...
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I think it's a great idea.
Tom Paris: [baffled silence] You do?
Tuvok: You do?

[B'Elanna has planned a romantic holiday with Tom]
The Doctor: I've already approved your time off.
Tom Paris: The Captain's told you about the race already?
The Doctor: What race? I was referring to your romantic getaway.
Tom Paris: [silence, then realizing] Oh, no!
The Doctor: Don't tell me you forgot.
Tom Paris: [heading for Engineering] Do me a favour, Doc. Keep a lock on my biosigns.
The Doctor: What for?
Tom Paris: Because in about five minutes, there may be a medical emergency in Engineering.

Harry Kim: [after raving about Irina] I know what you're gonna say...
Tom Paris: No. No, actually, I was just gonna congratulate you. I mean, she's not a Borg, she's not a hologram, and she's not dead. Looks like you might have finally found yourself the perfect woman.

Tom Paris: I have a chance to pilot the Flyer in a race, um, a really unique race, and the Captain thinks it's a great idea. So, I guess I got so excited that I forgot about our plans... But... I-I don't have to do it. The Captain would understand.
B'Elanna Torres: It's all right.
Tom Paris: No, no, I should've remembered, it's just that this seemed like such an amazing opportunity; pilots from all over the...
B'Elanna Torres: I said it's okay.
Tom Paris: ...Really?
B'Elanna Torres: The holodeck will always be here. This race won't.
Tom Paris: [looks at her in amazement] I do not deserve you.
B'Elanna Torres: You're right about that.

Assan: You must be one of those pilots who believes in the fellowship of combat.
Tom Paris: [laughs uneasily] Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought this was a friendly race, not a battle.
Assan: If that's what you believe, then you've already lost.

Tom Paris: We still got the Mobius Inversion coming up.
B'Elanna Torres: The what?
Tom Paris: Tell me you read the course manual.
B'Elanna Torres: I skimmed it - more or less...
Tom Paris: [groans] Oh, great!
B'Elanna Torres: So, what exactly is this Mobius... whatever?
Tom Paris: Take a look. It covers the entire last third of the course. Level-6 subspace distortions, gravimetric shears - just think of it as a little wormhole with a big attitude.

B'Elanna Torres: Do I really have to spend my morning reciting nursery rhymes?
Tom Paris: It got me through the Academy.
B'Elanna Torres: You were expelled.
Tom Paris: Okay, repeat after me: "I am not the pilot, I will not attempt to fly this ship."
B'Elanna Torres: That one doesn't even rhyme.

Tom Paris: You've got that tough Klingon exterior. And, uh... I didn't think you liked the mushy stuff.
B'Elanna Torres: Do I look that tough right now?
Tom Paris: Well, does that mean you're in the mood for some mushy stuff?
B'Elanna Torres: Maybe.
Tom Paris: Exactly what kind of mush are we talking about?
B'Elanna Torres: You tell me.
Tom Paris: Well, there is, um...
[he kisses her]
Tom Paris: ...kissy stuff.
B'Elanna Torres: That was nice.
Tom Paris: And there's the 'You're the most important person in the world to me'...
B'Elanna Torres: I like that one, too.
Tom Paris: And there's the 'happily ever after'...
B'Elanna Torres: How does that one work?
Tom Paris: Well, traditionally, it requires a proposal...

[Tom and B'Elanna are faced with an imminent warp core breach]
Tom Paris: So, what's your answer?
B'Elanna Torres: My answer?
Tom Paris: Will you marry me?
Computer: Warp core breach in 15 seconds.
B'Elanna Torres: You're proposing *now*?
Tom Paris: It's as good a time as any.

B'Elanna Torres: I guess we lost.
Tom Paris: That depends.
B'Elanna Torres: On what?
Tom Paris: On how you answer my question.
B'Elanna Torres: I thought you only asked it because we were about to explode.
Tom Paris: Well, we're still alive, and I'm still asking.
B'Elanna Torres: How come you never asked me before?
Tom Paris: How come you're still avoiding the question?
B'Elanna Torres: I'm thinking.
Tom Paris: Think faster.
B'Elanna Torres: Why, you're gonna withdraw the question?
Tom Paris: No, but I might start to beg. Could get embarrassing.

[last lines]
Tom Paris: 'B'Elanna Paris', that has a nice ring to it.
B'Elanna Torres: Thanks, but I already have a ring. Anyway, I kind of like the sound of 'Tom Torres'.
Tom Paris: I hope you're kidding.
B'Elanna Torres: Hey - it is the 24th century.

Tom Paris: [Harry is smitten with an alien woman, until he sees her greet her co-pilot] Looks like they're good friends.
Harry Kim: They're teammates.
Tom Paris: Close personal teammates.
Harry Kim: [resigned] Oh, it was nice while it lasted.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Parturition (#2.7)" (1995)
Neelix: [while fighting with Tom Paris] I'll kill you!
Tom Paris: It's too late! I'm betting your hair-pasta already did the trick!

Tom Paris: I'm famous for my dirty tricks.

Tom Paris: Lock on to us, Voyager. If you hear muffled screams, consider that a request for a beam-out.

Tom Paris: Aaww, Harry... I'm in trouble.
Ensign Harry Kim: What's new?
Tom Paris: I think I'm in love.
Ensign Harry Kim: What's new?
Tom Paris: With Kes.
Ensign Harry Kim: *Kes*?

Tom Paris: Practice, Harry, practice!

Tom Paris: She loves you, Neelix. I wouldn't stand a chance, nobody would.
Neelix: There are others?

Tom Paris: There's a whole course at the Academy full of all sorts of survival strategies.
Neelix: I hope you had a passing grade?
Tom Paris: B minus.
Neelix: That's not very encouraging.
Tom Paris: My father was teaching the class that year.
Neelix: And he gave you a B minus? I guess he didn't play favorites, huh?

Kes: What happened?
Tom Paris: I became an uncle.
Neelix: And I'm a godmother!

[Neelix is concerned that the alien mother might reject her baby]
Tom Paris: Neelix, one thing's for sure, whether the mother rejects it or not, she will reject you and me!

Captain Kathryn Janeway: Have you encountered life forms?
Tom Paris: Actually, yes.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Are they hostile?
Tom Paris: No, just... young.

Neelix: I feel I owe you an apology.
Tom Paris: No, you don't.
Neelix: I had no right to push that pasta in your lap.
Tom Paris: Well - think of it this way: it saved me from having to eat it.

Captain Kathryn Janeway: [having summoned Paris and Neelix, Janeway is surprised to see them covered in pasta and sauce] Would anyone care to explain?
Tom Paris: It might be too long to go into right now, Captain.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Very well. I have a mission for the two of you. We have reason to believe that there are food sources on this planet, but we can't transport to the surface. You're going to take a shuttle down and do a little scouting.
Neelix: Me? And him?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: He's our best pilot, and you're our expert on edible plant species in this quadrant.
Tom Paris: Uh, Captain, I'm not one to pass up a mission, but in this circumstance, maybe Ensign Baytart, who is a fine pilot...
Captain Kathryn Janeway: There are electro-magnetic anomalies in the atmosphere, and I would rather have you at the helm. Am I discerning a personal problem here, gentlemen?
Neelix: Frankly, yes, Captain.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Solve it. You leave at 1400 hours.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Caretaker (#1.1)" (1995)
Tom Paris: Stadi, you're changing my mind about Betazoids.
Lieutenant Stadi: Good.
Tom Paris: Oh that wasn't a compliment. Until today, I always considered your people warm and sensual.
Lieutenant Stadi: I can be "warm and sensual."
Tom Paris: Just not to me.
Lieutenant Stadi: Do you always fly at women at warp speed, Mr. Paris?
Tom Paris: Only when they're in visual range.

Captain Kathryn Janeway: Officially, you'd be a Starfleet observer during the mission.
Tom Paris: Observer? Oh, hell, I'm the best pilot you could have!
Captain Kathryn Janeway: You'll *be* an observer. When it's over, you're cut loose.
Tom Paris: The story of my life.

Tom Paris: [after "saving" Kim from Quark] Didn't they warn you about Ferengi at the Academy?

[Paris is flirting with the farmer's daughter on the array]
Harry Kim: Paris, she's only a hologram.
Tom Paris: No reason to be rude.

Tom Paris: Look, I know those guys told you to stay away from me; and you know what? You ought to listen to 'em. I'm not exactly a good luck charm.
Harry Kim: I don't need anyone to choose my friends for me.

Chakotay: You get on those stairs they'll collapse. We'll both die!
Tom Paris: Yeah... But on the other hand, if I save your butt, your life belongs to me. Isn't that some kind of Indian custom?
Chakotay: Wrong tribe.

Tom Paris: [trying to save Chakotay from the collapsing stairs] Isn't there some Indian trick where you can turn yourself into a bird and fly us outta here?
Chakotay: You're too heavy.

Tom Paris: [after being promoted to lieutenant] For the first time in my life I don't know what to say.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: You've earned this, Tom. I'm only sorry your father won't know.
Tom Paris: Oh, he'll know - when we get back.

Tom Paris: We may be stuck with you for a while, Doc.
The Doctor: There's no need for concern. I'm capable of treating any injury or disease. - No concussion, you'll be fine - in a month.

[last lines]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Mr. Paris, set a course... for home.
Tom Paris: Aye, Captain.

Tom Paris: [Tom is in the Mess Hall and sees Harry at a table having what looks like a very intense conversation with Lieutenant Commander Cavit and the ship's doctor, and after ordering tomato soup from a replicator he moves over to join them but Cavit and the Doctor get up and leave] There, you see? I told you it wouldn't take long.
Harry Kim: Is it true?
Tom Paris: Was the accident my fault? Yes, pilot error. But it took me awhile to admit it.
[Tom tries some of the soup but it tastes revolting]
Tom Paris: Oh! 14 varieties and they can't even get plain tomato soup right.
Harry Kim: [Harry steers the conversation back to what he really wants to talk about] They said you falsified reports.
Tom Paris: That's right.
Harry Kim: Why?
Tom Paris: What's the difference? I lied.
Harry Kim: But then you came forward and you admitted that it was your fault?
Tom Paris: I'll tell you the truth, Harry. All I had to do was keep my mouth shut and I was home free. But I couldn't. The ghosts of those three dead officers came to me in the middle of the night and taught me the true meaning of Christmas. So I confessed. Worst mistake I ever made but not my last. After they cashiered me out of Starfleet I went out looking for a fight and found the Maquis, and on my first assignment I was caught.
Harry Kim: It must have been especially tough for you, being the son of an admiral.
Tom Paris: Frankly, I think it was tougher on my father than it was on me.
[gets up to leave]
Tom Paris: Look, I know those guys told you stay away from me. And you know what? You oughta' listen to them. I'm not exactly a good luck charm.
Harry Kim: I don't need anyone to choose my friends for me.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Ex Post Facto (#1.7)" (1995)
[first lines]
Banean Doctor: What do you see, Mr. Paris?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Shoes... muddy shoes... The dog...
Banean Doctor: Good. That's exactly what you should see.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: That rehab colony back in New Zealand doesn't seem so bad right now.

Lidele Ren: [about her husband] He's a good man. I would never do anything to hurt him.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I guess... that makes you a good woman.
Lidele Ren: Good can get very... boring.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: Smoking is a bad habit. My species gave it up centuries ago, when we finally got it into our heads it was killing us.
Lidele Ren: You must be a very superior species.

Ensign Harry Kim: [referring to Lidele] If it had been me, I would have stayed as far away from her as possible.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Someday it *will* be you, Harry. You'll meet her; and you'll know it's wrong from the first moment you see her; you'll know there's nothing you can do about it.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: Hey Tuvok, I know it's a little late to ask, but you're sure you've got the logic of this thing worked out?
Lieutenant Tuvok: If I am incorrect, we will know it shortly.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Ah. That makes me feel a whole lot better.

[Kim peers at Paris after the latter has been ogling at Lidele]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: What're you looking at?
Ensign Harry Kim: Not the same thing that you're looking at, that's for sure.
[Lidele's dog barks at Paris]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: What're *you* looking at?

Lieutenant Tom Paris: There are some who'd say you risked my future on the eyewitness identification of a dog.

[last lines]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: How come I always see you down here eating alone, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant Tuvok: I prefer to read, rather than engage in... what do Humans call it? Short talk?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Close enough. You don't make many friends that way.
Lieutenant Tuvok: Perhaps.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Well... like it or not, you've made one today, Mr. Tuvok.

Lidele Ren: He lied to me, Tom. No one was supposed to get hurt. You know I could never do anything to hurt you.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Yeah - you could.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Worst Case Scenario (#3.25)" (1997)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [on the mysterious author of the holo-novel] Remember the good old days when it was impossible to keep a secret on a ship this small?

Ensign Harry Kim: So, what's this Ayala tells me about a new holo-novel?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [laughs embarrassed] Get in line, Harry.

Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: There is room in every good story for a little bit of passion.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: You know, maybe you're on to something. I could add a steamy love scene between the Starfleet conn officer and the Maquis engineer.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Oh, that's realistic!

Lieutenant Tom Paris: [on Seska] You should never have crossed her, Tuvok.
Lieutenant Tuvok: *She* has been dead for over a year now. There would have been no way to predict this turn of events.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I guess we should've known Seska wouldn't let a little thing like death stop her from getting even.

"Ensign" Tom Paris: It's been over an hour already, I'm getting bored!
Tuvok: I am not concerned with your amusement, Ensign. We are in a crisis situation and we will follow procedure; and procedure dictates that we wait for the right opportunity to attempt an escape, whether it takes an hour or a week.
"Ensign" Tom Paris: A week? Who wrote this stuff?

Lieutenant Tom Paris: [after being tortured by the holographic holo-Doctor] Oh, just great! Maybe we can go to the mess hall now and let the holographic Neelix burn my arm with a frying pan.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: So, Tuvok - anything in the Dictates of Poetics... about how to escape from a ship full of insane holograms?

[Paris enters the holodeck while Torres is running the holo-novel]
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Are you in the habit of just walking in on people's private holodeck time?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Well, it's not as if I caught you dancing the rumba with a naked Bolian.

Neelix: I would never presume to interfere in the creative process. It's more of a comment, really. About the Neelix character...
Lieutenant Tuvok: How surprising.
Neelix: He would never betray the Captain the way he does in that story. Er, no offense, Mr. Vulcan, but I don't think you understand my character very well.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Tuvok, did you forget to follow the Dictates of Poetics?

Lieutenant Tuvok: Need I remind you that it was I who first began the scenario?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: And you think I'm compromising your creative vision?
Lieutenant Tuvok: In so many words, yes.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Endgame (#7.25)" (2001)
Tom Paris: Paris to sickbay. It's time.
The Doctor: Remain calm, Mr. Paris. Can she stand?
[Tom looks at B'Elanna, who is putting on her dressing gown without rush]
Tom Paris: Affirmative.
The Doctor: Then I suggest you report to sickbay.
Tom Paris: Right.
[Tom gets up and is about to leave their quarters in his pajamas]
Tom Paris: What about B'Elanna?
The Doctor: Her too.

The Doctor: You're experiencing false labor, Lieutenant.
Tom Paris: Again?
The Doctor: As I explained the last time, it's a common occurrence, especially among Klingons.
B'Elanna Torres: I want this thing out of me NOW!
The Doctor: Misdirected rage. Another common occurrence among Klingons.

Tom Paris: Doc!
The Doctor: Mr. Paris. Voyager's pilot, medic, and occasional thorn in my side.

Lana: Joe has a real flair for romantic gestures.
Tom Paris: 'Joe'?
The Doctor: I-I... I decided I couldn't get married without a name.
Tom Paris: It took you 33 years to come up with 'Joe'?

[long-range sensors have detected a high concentration of wormholes]
Captain Janeway: Any idea where they lead?
Ensign Harry Kim: Not yet, but if just one of them leads to the Alpha Quadrant...
Tom Paris: Who knows, Harry. Might take us right into your parents' living-room.
Captain Janeway: Alter course, Mr. Paris.
Captain Janeway: [to Kim] Ensign, when you speak to your mother, tell her we may need her to move the sofa.

Tom Paris: Maybe Chell should add 'Nebula Soup' to his menu.

Ensign Harry Kim: If we go to the Captain together, she'll be much more likely to approve my plan.
Tom Paris: I don't want her to approve it!
Ensign Harry Kim: Where's your sense of adventure?
Tom Paris: I left it in that nebula, and I'm not going back for it.
Ensign Harry Kim: Don't you want to find a way home?
Tom Paris: I am home, Harry.

Ensign Harry Kim: Captain Proton would never walk away from a mission like this.
Tom Paris: Captain Proton doesn't have a wife, and a baby on the way.

Tom Paris: [after another of B'Elanna's false alarms] If this keeps happening, we'll never get any sleep.
The Doctor: You think it's bad *now*?

Ensign Harry Kim: I think it's safe to say that... no one on this crew has been more... obsessed with getting home than I have. But... when I think about... everything we've been through together - maybe it's not the destination that matters. Maybe it's the journey. If that journey takes a little longer, so we can do something we all believe in, I can't think of any place I'd rather be, or any people I'd rather be with.
Tom Paris: To the journey.
Chakotay: Hear, hear.
All: To the journey.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Author, Author (#7.20)" (2001)
Tom Paris: [about the Doctor's holo-program] What's it called?
The Doctor: "Photons Be Free".
Tom Paris: Catchy.

The Doctor: I could use your help with the rewrites.
Tom Paris: Really? You realize, as a writer, I'm a little unsophisticated.
The Doctor: No; I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'lowbrow'.

The Doctor: [from his introduction] You're about to take part in a thrilling first-person narrative. You will take on the role of an Emergency Medical Hologram, the Chief Medical Officer aboard the Starship Vortex.
Tom Paris: "Vortex"?
The Doctor: As our story begins, an anomaly has hurled your ship thousands of light years across the galaxy. Your mission: to uphold your medical and ethical standards, as you struggle against the crew's bigotry and intolerance. Persons with vascular disorders should consult a physician before running this program.

Tom Paris: You set your story on a starship lost in the Delta Quadrant!
The Doctor: What would you have me write about? Palace Intrigue on the Klingon Homeworld?

Tom Paris: [of his counterpart Marseilles] Nice mustache.

Holographic Tom Paris: [from Paris's introduction] You are about to embark on a remarkable journey. You will take on the role of a medical assistant aboard the Starship Voyeur.
The Doctor: "Voyeur"?
Holographic Tom Paris: Your job will be to assist the Chief Medical Officer and learn to tolerate his overbearing behavior and obnoxious bedside manner. Remember: patience is a virtue.

Tom Paris: [voice] Chapter One: It's The Doctor's World. You're Just Living In It.

Tom Paris: Your program's about as subtle as a... Ferengi mating dance.
The Doctor: My program is a serious attempt at social commentary. Yours is an insulting farce! You...
[he looks around and continues with lower voice]
The Doctor: ...had me drugging a patient, and taking advantage of her!
Tom Paris: Don't be ridiculous, that character is not you! For one thing, he has much more hair.

Tom Paris: Listen, I don't care if the whole Alpha Quadrant mistakes me for Lieutenant Marseilles. What bothers me is that you think that's what I'm like.
The Doctor: Obviously, you're nothing like Marseilles. He's self-indulgent, immature.
Tom Paris: And how would you describe me?
The Doctor: Well, you're a married man, with a child on the way. A lot of responsibilities.
Tom Paris: I'm surprised you noticed. You know, I thought I'd begun to earn your respect. Maybe I was wrong.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Course: Oblivion (#5.18)" (1999)
Neelix: Here's a lovely program modelled after a mountain resort on the fifth moon of Cytrax. Just you, B'Elanna, and the crickets.
Tom Paris: Crickets?
Neelix: Cytraxian crickets. Their song is reputed to be an auditory aphrodisiac.
Tom Paris: A-ha. Well, between you and me, B'Elanna and I don't need aphrodisiacs.
[both laugh]

Tom Paris: How's my old lady?
B'Elanna Torres: Well enough... to break your nose if you call me that again.

[Neelix makes exotic suggestions for Tom's and B'Elanna's honeymoon]
Tom Paris: I was hoping for some place a little more down-to-earth.
Neelix: Well, it's your honeymoon. Just how down-to-earth did you mean?
Tom Paris: Earth!

Tom Paris: Let me let you in on a little secret, Neelix: Earth has the best vacation spots in the galaxy; it's got the cultures, the climates, the history, the people - it has everything you ever want in a planet.
Neelix: You sound like a travel brochure.
Tom Paris: No. No. Just a native.

Captain Kathryn Janeway: This is it, Tom - your bachelor days are over.
Tom Paris: Not a moment too soon.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Second thoughts?
Tom Paris: Second, third, fourth...

Harry Kim: Hungry?
Tom Paris: Can't join you tonight. Dinner with B'Elanna.
Harry Kim: Married one day and you're already domesticated.

Harry Kim: Tom.
Tom Paris: There's no one here by that name.
Harry Kim: I just wanted to say... I'm sorry about B'Elanna.
Tom Paris: Sorry? What for?
Harry Kim: She was your wife!
Tom Paris: She was a duplicate - just like you are, Harry.
Harry Kim: You heard the Captain, if we're gonna survive this, we've gotta believe in ourselves.
Tom Paris: [laughs sarcastically] You can drop the good soldier routine. You don't have to do everything the Captain says anymore. Hell, she's not even the Captain.
Harry Kim: She is to me.

[last lines]
[on board the real Voyager]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Make a note in the ship's record. "We received a distress call at 0900 hours. Arrived at the vessel's last known coordinates at 2120. The ship was destroyed. Cause unknown. No survivors." Mr. Paris, resume course.
Tom Paris: Aye, sir.

Tom Paris: [speaking his wedding vows to B'Elanna] I still don't know what I've done to deserve you, But whatever it is, I'll try to keep doing it. And I promise to stand by you, to honor you, till death do us part.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Prophecy (#7.14)" (2001)
Tom Paris: I was hoping our daughter would be special, but I never dreamed she'd turn out to be the Klingon Messiah.

T'Greth: I see fear in your eyes, Human.
Tom Paris: The only Klingon I'm afraid of is my wife after she's worked a double shift.

[B'Elanna is beaming herself into her quarters]
Tom Paris: When you said "Be there in a minute", you weren't kidding.
B'Elanna Torres: A group of Klingons ambushed me outside of Engineering. I decided transporting myself would be easier than running the gauntlet.

[Torres is telling the Klingons a "colorful story"]
B'Elanna Torres: ...Tuvok and Neelix fought valiantly, but there were too many Hirogen. I had to face ten of their fiercest hunters - alone!
Tom Paris: [aside, to Neelix] Is that how you remember it?
Neelix: Exaggeration is part of Klingon custom. She's doing great.

T'Greth: The prophecy wouldn't lead us to a mongrel child!
Tom Paris: Hey, take it easy.
T'Greth: Who are you?
Tom Paris: The father of that mongrel child.

B'Elanna Torres: Today would be a very bad day to die.
Tom Paris: I'll try to remember that.

[last lines]
Tom Paris: You know, this is one special kid we're gonna have.
B'Elanna Torres: You're just figuring that out?
Tom Paris: Well, I was hoping for an artist, or maybe a musician. But she's already the savior of an entire race.
B'Elanna Torres: You don't really believe that.
Tom Paris: I don't know. There're a lot of coincidences to explain. I mean, what were the odds that they'd run into the one ship in the whole quadrant with a Klingon aboard?
B'Elanna Torres: Probably about the same odds that you and I would get married.
Tom Paris: Maybe we should name her 'Kuvah'magh' - just to be safe.
B'Elanna Torres: Put it on the list.

Tom Paris: Paris to Torres.
B'Elanna Torres: I'm almost finished.
Tom Paris: You said that an hour ago.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Fair Haven (#6.11)" (2000)
[Tuvok is feeling nauseous from nearby space radiation]
Tuvok: Vulcan physiology is highly sensitive to neutronic gradients.
Tom Paris: You'd make a good barometer, Tuvok. Every time you get queasy, we go to Red Alert.

Tom Paris: Harry hasn't seen Sullivan's yet. D'you care to join us?
The Doctor: [in the role of the priest in Fair Haven] Don't mind if I do. I'll need to leave no later than 1300 hours.
Tom Paris: Medical emergency?
The Doctor: Not exactly. I'm working on my homily for Sunday's mass. And I expect both you sinners to be in attendance.
[he enters the pub]
Tom Paris: He's kidding, right?
Harry Kim: You wanted authenticity.

The Doctor: I was hoping I could give my character a more active role. In the period you've created, the village priest was the most prominent member of the community, held in the highest regard.
Tom Paris: That's a great idea, Doc. We could send Father Mulligan on a retreat to a nearby monastery, where he takes a vow of silence and never speaks again.
The Doctor: Try it! And you'll be saying Hail Marys till St. Patrick's Day.

[Seven is throwing rings in the pub, observed by a fascinated Seamus]
Seamus Driscol: The lily and the rose are staging a competition on your face.
Seven of Nine: Clarify.
Seamus Driscol: The fullness of your lips and the paleness of your cheeks, it's enough to make a man faint.
Seven of Nine: Then, in that case, perhaps we should sit down.
[Seven throws her last ring, and the two head for a table]
Harry Kim: I don't believe it.
Tom Paris: It's called old-world charm, Harry.

Tom Paris: Everybody, place your bets!
Seamus Driscol: Three bob on Liam.
Tom Paris: Three bob it is.
The Doctor: [as Father Mulligan] Five shillings on Liam.
Tom Paris: You're gonna hurt Harry's feelings.
The Doctor: Oh, very well. Two shillings on Mr. Kim and I'll pray for a miracle.

Harry Kim: I remember trying to reach the holodeck controls, then, uh... somebody grabbed my leg.
Tom Paris: Maybe it was the talking pig.
Harry Kim: If it was, he had one hell of a left hook.

Captain Kathryn Janeway: I hate to break up the party, but we have some business to attend to. There's a neutronic wavefront approaching - class 9.
Harry Kim: Class 9?
Tom Paris: Sorry, boys, duty calls.
Seamus Driscol: Erm... "Wavefront". Now, what in the name of God is that?
Tom Paris: Um... a wee bit of bad weather.

Tom Paris: A word to the wise: stay away from Maggie O'Holleran. She's promised to a pig farmer with a very large rake.
Harry Kim: Does she have a sister?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Demon (#4.24)" (1998)
Harry Kim: When I first came on board Voyager, I was pretty green, right?
Tom Paris: A deep, almost fluorescent green, if I remember correctly.

Tom Paris: [on ways to compensate for Voyager's lack of fuel] We could set up a bicycle in the mess hall, attach a generator, pedal home.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Now, why didn't I think of that?
Tom Paris: And I volunteer Harry to take the first shift.

Tom Paris: Just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.
[on the dangerous flight through the planet's atmosphere]

Tom Paris: All right, I'm gonna set us down. On my mark.
[the shuttle sets down with a violent jolt]
Tom Paris: Mark!
Harry Kim: You did that on purpose, didn't you?

Tom Paris II: You know what they say about your life passing before your eyes? Well, it's true. I was finally getting past puberty when suddenly, I lost consciousness.

Tom Paris II: [to Chakotay] Don't tell me that a big tough guy like you is afraid of a little poisoned atmosphere.

Tom Paris: Do me a favor: the next time you try to assert yourself, leave me out of it. I hate hot weather.
Harry Kim: Don't worry, we can cut some holes in the environmental suits, get some ventilation going.
Tom Paris: Harry - while you're busy improving yourself, you might try working on your sense of humor.
Harry Kim: *My* sense of humor? And what about that stupid gag about the bicycle?
Tom Paris: Oh-ho-ho, *that* was funny!

Tom Paris II: ["Tom" has discovered he's a duplicate of the real Tom Paris] Before he showed up I thought I was Tom Paris. But now, I don't know who or what I am.


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Chute (#3.3)" (1996)
Harry Kim: Right now I'm so hungry, I could eat a bowl of Neelix's leola root stew.
Tom Paris: Me too. Never thought I'd say that.

Harry Kim: Suppose you didn't find any food?
Tom Paris: Well, I found close to fifty good citizens in this quaint little community, but not a grocer among them.
Harry Kim: I take it that's a no.
Tom Paris: Yeah. But if we ever do get our hands on some food, I found a lovely spot for a picnic.
Harry Kim: Great. All we need are the Delaney sisters, and we could make a date of it.

Harry Kim: Let's get something straight first.
Tom Paris: What?
Harry Kim: The next time you take a swing at me, I'm hitting back.

Tom Paris: Harry...
Harry Kim: Yeah?
Tom Paris: I'm hurt pretty bad.
Harry Kim: I'll take care of it.
Tom Paris: Promise me something.
Harry Kim: What?
Tom Paris: If things get worse, if it comes down to making a choice, don't worry about me. Take care of yourself.

Tom Paris: Harry?
Harry Kim: Yeah?
Tom Paris: Don't leave me here.

Harry Kim: Tom, listen to me. I... I almost killed you.
Tom Paris: What are you saying? You're the one that kept me alive.
Harry Kim: I was ready to hit you with the pipe. Don't you remember?
Tom Paris: You want to know what I remember? Someone saying "This man is my friend. Nobody touches him." I'll remember that for a long time.

Harry Kim: Can I have some more?
Tom Paris: [knocks the cup out of his hand] What do you think this is? A hotel? There isn't anymore!
Harry Kim: Take it easy!

The Doctor: That won't be necessary. Lieutenant Paris is just fine, thanks to excellent doctoring. I finished analyzing these implants, and you'll be happy to know that the treatment I provided will successfully counteract their effect on you.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: What exactly was the effect?
The Doctor: My readings indicate that the implants are designed to stimulate the production of acetylcholine in the hypothalamus.
Kes: That would explain the agitation.
The Doctor: Hmm. Acetylcholine is a brain chemical common to the neural structure of most humanoids. Essentially, it helps stimulate one's aggressive tendencies.
Harry Kim: Zio was right.
Tom Paris: C'mon Harry. We're overdue for that steak dinner.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Future's End: Part 1 (#3.8)" (1996)
Captain Janeway: As I recall, Tom, you're something of an aficionado on 20th century America.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: That's right.
Captain Janeway: What will we need to pass as locals in this era?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Simple: nice clothes, fast car - lots of money!

Lieutenant Tom Paris: Lighten up, Tuvok. This was a great time and place, and you're getting to see it first-hand. Come on, take off your shirt.
Lieutenant Tuvok: And risk dermal dysplasia? No thank you.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [scoffs] Vulcans! Deep down, you're all a bunch of hypochondriacs.

Commander Chakotay: Where are we?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [seeing Earth on the screen] Home!

Lieutenant Tom Paris: Your curves don't look so great.
Rain Robinson: Excuse me?

Lieutenant Tom Paris: You know, you might get better resolution if you adjust your amplitude parameters.
Rain Robinson: You're probably right.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Or you might try using a theta band filter.
Rain Robinson: You know a lot for someone who can't find his way past Saturn.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: It's a shame though. She was about to make the biggest discovery in human history. Could have changed her career.
Lieutenant Tuvok: And ended ours.

Lieutenant Tuvok: Perhaps we should find a more secluded parking place. This is, after all, a stolen vehicle.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Nobody's around, Tuvok. We're fine.
Lieutenant Tuvok: A taxi cab would've been less worrisome and more ethical.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: We haven't stolen anything. We borrowed a car, and we'll return it to the dealership as soon as we're done.
Lieutenant Tuvok: I was referring to the ethics of time travel.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Somehow I doubt that taking a test drive is gonna alter the course of the universe.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: I majored in astrophysics.
Rain Robinson: Where?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Starfleet Academy.
Rain Robinson: Never heard of it.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Uh... East Coast school.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Someone to Watch Over Me (#5.22)" (1999)
[Paris is telling hologram jokes to Tomin's amusement]
Tom Paris: How do you bend a hologram's ear? Use a prism. What did the councilor say to the hologram? "You're projecting!"

Tom Paris: You're teaching Seven how to date? Ha! Talk about the blind leading the blind.

Tom Paris: A hologram and a Borg? Stranger things have happened. Just look at me and B'Elanna.

Tom Paris: Getting a date is one thing. Keeping it from turning into a disaster is another.

[the Doctor has taken Seven out to Ambassador Tomin's reception]
Tom Paris: Don't think you've won our bet. She was supposed to bring a real date.
The Doctor: Photons and force fields, flesh and blood - why quibble over details?

Tom Paris: Put your latinum where your mouth is.

Tomin: [shouting across the mess hall] Ensign Paris! Tell us another one of those hologram jokes!
The Doctor: You've been stealing my material?
Tom Paris: That guy's so lubricated, he'll laugh at anything.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Day of Honor (#4.3)" (1997)
B'Elanna Torres: Let me access your controls.
Tom Paris: I thought you'd never ask.

Tom Paris: Why is it we have to get beamed into space in environmental suits before I can initiate first contact procedures?
B'Elanna Torres: Why is it that if we're alone for more than thirty seconds, you start thinking about contact?

Tom Paris: I tried to find you before, but you were on the holodeck.
B'Elanna Torres: That's right.
Tom Paris: You know, you left it running. And... there was a Klingon in there, who didn't look too happy.

Tom Paris: When we first met, you didn't have a very high opinion of me.
B'Elanna Torres: That's putting it mildly. I thought you were an arrogant, self-absorbed pig.
Tom Paris: Flattery won't get you any more oxygen... Do you think I've changed?
B'Elanna Torres: A lot. Now you're a stubborn, domineering pig.

B'Elanna Torres: I overslept this morning because I forgot to tell the computer to wake me. And then the acoustic inverter in my sonic shower blew out...
Tom Paris: That'll make your hair stand on end.

B'Elanna Torres: I've been a coward about everything - everything that really matters.
Tom Paris: Now, you're being a little hard on yourself.
B'Elanna Torres: No. I'm gonna die - without a shred of honor. And for the first time in my life that really bothers me.

B'Elanna Torres: I have to tell you the truth.
Tom Paris: The truth about what?
B'Elanna Torres: I... I love you.
[Paris doesn't reply]
B'Elanna Torres: Say something!
Tom Paris: You picked a great time to tell me.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Lineage (#7.12)" (2001)
B'Elanna Torres: It's another beautiful day in the Delta Quadrant!
Tom Paris: What'd you have for breakfast?

B'Elanna Torres: I just don't see any reason to have to label the baby. I don't wanna know the gender, I don't wanna have to pick a name yet.
Tom Paris: Okay. Okay. Mommy knows best.
B'Elanna Torres: "Mommy"?

Harry Kim: It's all over now. No more late nights on the holodeck, no more racing the Delta Flyer...
Tom Paris: Don't you think you're exaggerating just a little?
Harry Kim: I've seen it happen. The new dad gets tied down with family, old friends drop away...
Tom Paris: It's fatherhood, Harry, not exile.

[Tom is having marital problems with B'Elanna]
Tom Paris: What am I supposed to do?
Harry Kim: Maybe you should tell her you understand.
Tom Paris: What good would that do?
Harry Kim: It might make her less defensive; and then maybe it would be easier for her to see your point of view.
Tom Paris: Yeah... What if she can't?
Harry Kim: Like I said, my couch is your couch.

Tom Paris: Six years in the Delta Quadrant, and nothing has ever scared me as much as hearing our baby had a problem.

Tom Paris: Forget about the Doctor. Forget the Captain, all the godfathers...
B'Elanna Torres: Maybe you're right.
Tom Paris: I know I am. This isn't about their expectations or hopes. Or... doubts. None of this belongs to them.
B'Elanna Torres: It belongs to us. All of it.
Tom Paris: Lucky us.

The Doctor: I don't mean to be indelicate but, weren't you trying to get pregnant?
B'Elanna Torres: Well, of course. I mean, we knew we wanted a family...
Tom Paris: But the odds against human-Klingon conception are so high...
The Doctor: Well, apparently you've beaten the odds. May I be the first to congratulate you.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Future's End: Part 2 (#3.9)" (1996)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: So - why'd you become an astronomer?
Rain Robinson: My brother... had a telescope, a little refractor. You could barely see in the tree house next door actually, but... it was enough. It was enough to see the rings of Saturn. I remember... I remember I used to think that they looked like... jewels from a pirate's treasure. All I ever wanted since then was to... reach up and touch 'em.

Rain Robinson: Talk about a motley crew. We have the Doctor, a guy with the worst, *worst* taste in clothing I've ever seen. Tuvok - what a freakasaurus! Has the guy ever cracked a smile?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Not that I can recall.

Rain Robinson: Sometimes I think you're... the smartest man I've ever met. All this running around you do, your mission... You're so dedicated, you know, like you care about something more than just your own... little life.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Is that so unusual?
Rain Robinson: Yeah.

Rain Robinson: You gotta get back to Mars, right?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Hm - Saturn.
Rain Robinson: That's perfect! I told you, I always loved Saturn. So, give me your phone number.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: You wouldn't mind "hanging" with me for a while longer, huh?

[last lines]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Tuvok - has anyone ever told you you're a real freakasaurus?

Rain Robinson: Say hi to Saturn for me.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I will.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Night (#5.1)" (1998)
[Paris has asked Seven to join him on one of his 'Captain Proton' missions]
Seven of Nine: My designation?
Tom Paris: Ah, right. You're Constance Goodheart. You're... my secretary.
Seven of Nine: Secretary?
Tom Paris: Yeah, you tag along on all the missions. Now, I want you to keep the robot occupied, while I save Earth. Computer - run program.
Satan's Robot: Citizen of Earth. Surrender. Do not resist.
Seven of Nine: I am Borg.
[opens the control panel of the robot and pulls out a few wires]
Satan's Robot: Surrennnnderrrr...
[shuts down]
Seven of Nine: The robot has been neutralized. May I leave now?

Dr. Chaotica: Captain Proton!
Tom Paris: Spaceman First Class, Protector of Earth, scourge of intergalactic evil - at your service.

B'Elanna Torres: You don't want to start a fight with me right now, not at 3am.
Tom Paris: Three in the morning, four in the afternoon, what's the difference? You're angry twenty-four hours a day.

Tom Paris: Finally some excitement: radiation!

[Janeway intends to sacrifice herself to get Voyager out of the void]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Tom, set a course.
[Tom remains in his seat with his arms crossed]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Lieutenant, I gave you an order.
Tom Paris: I can't follow that order, ma'am.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Harry, take the helm.
Harry Kim: I'm sorry, Captain.
[Janeway looks at the other crew members one by one, finally at Seven... ]
Seven of Nine: I will not comply.
[... and the Doctor]
The Doctor: What's a hologram to do?
Tuvok: As you can see, you're not the only one who's had time to evaluate the past.

Tom Paris: There.
B'Elanna Torres: What?
Tom Paris: I saw something. A star.
The Doctor: Remind me to check your eyesight.

Tom Paris: Doc, this is the final chapter: Satan's Robot Conquers the World. We can't stop now.
The Doctor: Does the phrase 'To be continued' mean anything to you?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Non Sequitur (#2.5)" (1995)
Tom Paris: Anyway, I got as far as Deep Space Nine, where I got into a bar fight with a Ferengi; and I was thrown into the brig by a very unpleasant shapeshifter.

Ensign Harry Kim: You once told me that you used to treat life like one big game: rules, players, winners, losers. You never took any of it seriously, until you lost.
Tom Paris: You know, you're starting to annoy me.
Ensign Harry Kim: You also told me you were afraid of what would happen to you, if you didn't take Captain Janeway up on her offer. Now I see why.
Tom Paris: What do you see - Ensign?
Ensign Harry Kim: A loser... and a drunk.
[Paris tries to punch him; Kim parries the blow and twists Paris's arm on his back]
Ensign Harry Kim: I guess, in this reality... that's all you'll ever be.

Ensign Harry Kim: You're the last person I expected to help me.
Tom Paris: Let's just say it's been a long time since anybody gave a damn about my future, including me.

Ensign Harry Kim: I think I have access to a runabout, but I'm going to have to break it out of space dock.
Tom Paris: Sounds to me like you need a pilot.
Ensign Harry Kim: Know anyone who is qualified?
Tom Paris: I know someone who used to be pretty good, and if I'm not mistaken, he still knows a few tricks.

Ensign Harry Kim: Starfleet thinks I'm a Maquis spy.
Tom Paris: I know the feeling.

Tom Paris: I don't know if I'm supposed to be on Voyager like you've told me. But it sounds a whole lot better than the life I have here. I'm willing to take my chances, Ensign.
Ensign Harry Kim: Call me Harry. You always did.

[last lines]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: What is it, Harry?
Ensign Harry Kim: I owe you one.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Gravity (#5.13)" (1999)
Tom Paris: First day in town and I've already been mugged.

Tuvok: Her name is Noss. She was attacked by two humanoid males.
Tom Paris: Sure she didn't attack *them*?
Tuvok: They were attempting to rob her.
Tom Paris: Seems to be a local pastime.

Tom Paris: You obviously care about Noss. If you won't admit it to me, at least admit it to yourself.
Tuvok: I respect her ability to survive.
Tom Paris: It's more than that. I've seen the way you look at her.
Tuvok: What way is that?
Tom Paris: Like someone who wishes he wasn't Vulcan.

Tom Paris: You know something? I always thought that beneath that cold Vulcan exterior lay a... even colder Vulcan interior. But now, I'm convinced you're a hopeless romantic.
Tuvok: There is no need to insult me, Mr. Paris.

[Tuvok has suggested to take the Doctor offline in order to use his mobile emitter as power source, when Paris and Noss return]
Tom Paris: Make way for the mighty hunters!
The Doctor: [examining Paris' bag] If Mr. Paris' hunting ability is any indication, maybe we should take *him* offline.
Tom Paris: Uh... Thanks for the vote of confidence, Doc.

Neelix: I was just getting Noss's recipe for sauteed spiders. She told me how much you enjoyed them.
Tom Paris: [snorts] Let's just say, it's an acquired taste.

Tom Paris: [after an unsuccessful attempt to hunt a spider] I don't know what's worse, catching them or eating them!
Noss: No poison.
Tom Paris: Well, they may not be poisonous, but they sure give me the creeps!


"Star Trek: Voyager: Time and Again (#1.3)" (1995)
Captain Kathryn Janeway: [sees Latika watching them] Oh, God. Come on!
[grabs Tom and heads for a different direction]
Latika: [steps in their path] I know you're lying.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Young man. We're here on a business trip and we have a lot of work to do.
Latika: The officer told me you came here on the continental transport.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: That's right. We're from Kalto Province.
Latika: Yeah? Well, I just talked to the transport attendant. He told me four people came today from Kalto. Two of them were a lot older than you, and they had a child with them.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Well, the attendant was wrong. That was us.
Latika: So... where's the child?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: We ate him. Because we ARE demons and we EAT children, and I haven't had my supper yet!
[lunges at Latika]

Lieutenant Tom Paris: What's your name?
Latika: Latika.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Latika... I'm sorry.
Latika: For what?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I just am.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: We're the only Humans out here, Harry. People are gonna start pairing off. And if we don't get to the Delaney sisters in Stellar Cartography soon, somebody else will.
Ensign Harry Kim: I got a girl back home.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: So what? I got five.

[the crew is investigating on a planet which was entirely destroyed by a polaric ion detonation]
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: So - we're looking at the end of a war.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I wonder who won.

[Paris tries to persuade Kim to a double-date with the Delaney sisters]
Ensign Harry Kim: I told you, I need to run a transtator diagnostic.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [scoffs] You need to run a self-diagnostic!

Lieutenant Tom Paris: Hey, kid. You were right about one thing. I *was* lying. I don't eat children.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Vis À Vis (#4.20)" (1998)
Tom Paris: Since when is not wanting to spend time with the Doctor a capital offense? You'd have to throw the whole crew in the brig for that one.

[first lines]
[Paris is working under an old Camero when the Doctor arrives and activates the car's horn]
Tom Paris: Ah! Ah!
[crawls out]
Tom Paris: What do you think you're doing, Doc?
The Doctor: An impromptu auditory exam.
Tom Paris: Did I pass?
The Doctor: With flying colors.

B'Elanna Torres: So this is where you've been hiding - a garage?
Tom Paris: It's more than just a garage. This is a monument to hundreds and hundreds of hours - that I probably should have spent with you.
B'Elanna Torres: Probably?
Tom Paris: Definitely!

Tom Paris: Somebody call for a driver?
[when entering the bridge in his grease monkey jumpsuit to take the helm]

[last lines]
B'Elanna Torres: It's a lovely garage, Tom. But I still don't understand why you brought me here.
Tom Paris: Well, consider it a symbolic gesture. It's my less than subtle attempt to... let you in.
B'Elanna Torres: I see. To make it clear that I mean almost as much to you as a...
[looks at the car's label]
B'Elanna Torres: ...a Camero.
[Tom winces]
Tom Paris: It's a mint condition 1969 'Camaro'. And yes - you mean a lot more to me.

Tom Paris: Take a look at this, Doc. This is a fully stocked 1969 Chevy Camaro, one of the earliest muscle cars ever made. Imagine, Northern California, late twentieth century. You're cruising up Highway One, the woofers are pounding, the wind is whipping through your hair...
[he trails off as the Doctor gives him a Look]


"Star Trek: Voyager: Friendship One (#7.21)" (2001)
[the Doctor and Tom are giving inoculations against radiation to the away team when B'Elanna enters sickbay]
The Doctor: If you're here for your fetal resonance scan, you're a day early.
B'Elanna Torres: I'm here for my inoculation.
Tom Paris: You are not going on this mission.
B'Elanna Torres: Chakotay said he needed an engineer.
Tom Paris: He's already got one.
B'Elanna Torres: Now he's got two.
Tom Paris: [to the Doctor] Will you excuse us?
[Tom and B'Elanna go outside]
Neelix: Any bets on this one?
Chakotay: My money's on B'Elanna.

[Tom is trying to talk B'Elanna out of joining the away team]
Tom Paris: There's a toxic atmosphere down there, and you're breathing for two.
B'Elanna Torres: [sighs] All right, you win. But if we have another baby, you carry it, and I'll go on the away missions.
Tom Paris: It's a deal.

Tom Paris: Maybe it's us. Something about fatherhood seems to regress the male psyche a few thousand years.

Neelix: I thought these caves were naturally shielded.
Tom Paris: They're no substitute for an environmental suit.
Lieutenant Joe Carey: These people have lived here all their lives without environmental suits.
Neelix: These people have lived here without much of anything.

Tom Paris: Why're you helping us?
Brin: Your child's going to need a father. Isn't she?

Chakotay: [the Flyer is having a bumpy ride on an away mission] Set us down, Tom.
Tom Paris: Yes, sir.
Neelix: Gently, please.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Alter Ego (#3.14)" (1997)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Lieutenant, you look absolutely...
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Tropical?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: More along the lines of smashing.

Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: [trying to access the holodeck] She's locked us out of the program. We'll be lucky if we can open the doors.
[the doors open]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: We're lucky.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: You really know how to pick 'em, Tuvok.

[Kim is trying to get his mind off Marayna with Tuvok's help]
Ensign Harry Kim: Logically, the best course is retreat. Meditation helps.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Retreat! A classic case of Vulcan denial, if you ask me.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: [indicating his shirt] This is an exact re-creation of a 1962 Big Daddy-O surf special! An American classic!
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: I'd say you put just a little bit too much thought into that.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Revulsion (#4.5)" (1997)
Harry Kim: [about Seven of Nine] She's even got a sense of humor. It's offbeat, a bit subtle, maybe. And she's incredibly intelligent.
Tom Paris: She ought to be, she assimilated enough people.

[Paris and Kim are telling an anecdote to everybody's but Tuvok's amusement]
Tom Paris: ...So, we rigged the security console, so that every time Tuvok accessed the internal sensors, it would play a little message:
Harry Kim: "Live long and prosper!"
Tom Paris: No matter what button he pushed: "Live long and prosper."
Harry Kim: Naturally, no one was available to fix the malfunction...
Tom Paris: ...so Tuvok had to stretch his Vulcan patience to the limit for the rest of the day.
Harry Kim: I swear, I could hear him grinding his teeth from across the bridge.
Tom Paris: And just when he thought it was over, when he went back to his quarters and ordered a cup of Vulcan tea, the replicator says:
Harry Kim: "Live long and prosper!"

[last lines]
Tom Paris: If you'll excuse me, I have to go check on Harry; I hear he's having a nervous breakdown. It's a long story.
The Doctor: Not so fast, Mr. Paris. You are going to help me sterilize every square millimeter of this sickbay. No doubt you've left your oily residue on every hypospray, your sloughed secretions on every console! - Just kidding. In fact, I've had a change of heart about my fastidiousness. A little clutter'll never hurt anyone. Sickbay should have a more organic touch, don't you think? To help our patients feel... more at home?
Tom Paris: [to Torres] What's gotten into him?
B'Elanna Torres: It's a long story.

Tom Paris: [treating Seven of Nines' injured hand] Another half a millimeter and and you would have severed the carpal nerve, might have had to operate. You're a mere mortal now. As your family doctor, I suggest you be more careful.

Seven of Nine: I've been damaged.
Harry Kim: Ooh. It looks pretty bad. You better get to sickbay.
Seven of Nine: As a drone, I would have regenerated within seconds. I've become weak.
Harry Kim: No more than the rest of us. You'll be fine. C'mon, I'll walk you there.
Tom Paris: Another ½ a millimeter and you would have severed the carpal nerve. Might
[sic]
Tom Paris: have had to operate. You are a mere mortal now. As your family doctor, I'd suggest you be more careful. There. Good as new.
Harry Kim: I'll see you back in the cargo bay.
Harry Kim: What kind of bedside manner was that?
Tom Paris: What are you talking about?
Harry Kim: Can't you see she's feeling vulnerable, and here you are, going on about severed nerves and major surgery?
Tom Paris: Would you take it easy? I was just trying to lighten the mood. She wasn't upset by it.
Harry Kim: Yes, she was! I could see it on her face!
Tom Paris: You seem a little protective. This morning you were dreading being in the same room with her.
Harry Kim: Well, I've gotten to know her a little better. I don't think most people realize she's not just some Borg automaton. She's actually very complex.
Tom Paris: Oh, really?
Harry Kim: Yes, she is. She's even got a sense of humor. It's offbeat, a bit subtle, maybe. And, she's incredibly intelligent.
Tom Paris: Well, she ought to be. She assimilated enough people.
Harry Kim: See? See what I mean? It's Borg this, Borg that. You can't resist making a joke. There's a woman in there, if you'd take the time to look.
Tom Paris: Harry, you've got a crush on her, don't you?
Harry Kim: What? No. Not at all. Maybe just a little.
Tom Paris: I've seen this look in your eyes right before you fall head over heels. You always go for the tough ones. What was it last time, a hologram? I don't know much about Borg women. But my advice to you is: Don't.
Harry Kim: I'm just trying to make her feel like part of the team.
Tom Paris: Part of the team? You sound like Chakotay. Lok, she's beautiful and she's smart, and I'm sure she's a wonderful... conversationalist. But a month ago, she was Borg. you don't really know who she is. It's great that you're trying to make her feel comfortable. Just be careful.
Harry Kim: Thanks for the advice.
Tom Paris: I just hope you take it.


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Cloud (#1.5)" (1995)
Ensign Harry Kim: McAllister, James 'Mooney' Mc Allister - the guy never slept. He'd be studying his algorithms until dawn, and the only way I could get any sleep was to wear a mask.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: You could've changed roommates.
Ensign Harry Kim: Are you kidding? McAllister got me through forth year quantum chemistry.

[Paris wakes up Kim in his quarters]
Ensign Harry Kim: How... how'd you get in here?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: You'd be surprised at things you learn in prison.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: [about Sandrine's bar] I found this place just after my pocket was picked walking by the harbor.
Ensign Harry Kim: Somebody picked your pocket? On Earth?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Oh, they just do it for tourists. They give it back - most of the time.

Ensign Harry Kim: What's a fin?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I'm not sure, um... some old kind of Scandinavian currency.

Gaunt Gary: Me, I got a whole different approach to women: treat a lady like a tramp and a tramp like a lady. Never fails.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Paris - did you program this guy?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Yeah, why?
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: He's a pig. And so are you.
[walks away]
Gaunt Gary: Almost never.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Nothing Human (#5.8)" (1998)
Tom Paris: [to Torres, who is paralyzed with an alien on her chest] I just think, I could force you to listen to rock 'n roll all day and you wouldn't be able to do a thing about it.

[the ship starts to shake]
Tom Paris: What'd you put in this coffee, Neelix?

[Paris, Torres and Neelix are talking about the Doctor's slideshow]
B'Elanna Torres: I thought some of those pictures were pretty funny.
Neelix: You mean like the one where Tom slipped into a mud pit?
B'Elanna Torres: [to Paris, laughing] You're famous!
Neelix: Then of course there's the one depicting a certain Chief Engineer, with her foot stuck in a plasma injector.
B'Elanna Torres: WHAT?
Tom Paris: Really? Why, I seem to have missed that one.
Neelix: The Doctor must have taken it out of the exhibition.
Tom Paris: Oh, I can't wait to get my hands on it. Maybe I can distribute it to everyone's personal database.
B'Elanna Torres: Try it and I'll kill you - right after I finish deleting the Doctor's program.

B'Elanna Torres: [on Crell Moset] Hologram or not, he's Cardassian. As far as I'm concerned, they're all cold-blooded killers.
Tom Paris: I understand how you feel. Unfortunately, that cold-blooded killer may be the only one who can save your life.

Tom Paris: We're in the middle of the Deltat Quadrant! Who would know?
Tuvok: *We* would know.
Tom Paris: Fine. Let's just deactivate the evil hologram and let B'Elanna die. At least we'd have our morals intact!


"Star Trek: Voyager: Blood Fever (#3.16)" (1997)
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: You don't know how strong... how hard it is... to fight this... urge!
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Are you telling me that I'm impossible to resist?
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: I wouldn't go that far.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: So - this is the part where you throw heavy objects at me?
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Maybe later.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: They'll tear each other to pieces!
Lieutenant Tuvok: The risk of injury seems preferable to the certainty of dying from a chemical imbalance.

[Paris and Torres in a mating fight]
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Well, what're you doing?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Enjoying myself?
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Then show it!

[after Torres has been cured of her pon farr, she is playing down the incident]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Yeah, I know, you're afraid that your big, scary Klingon side might've been showing. Well, I saw it up close. And you know, it wasn't so terrible. In fact, I wouldn't mind seeing it again someday.
[Paris orders the turbolift to resume, and Torres gets off on the next level]
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Careful what you wish for, Lieutenant.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Parallax (#1.2)" (1995)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Wait a minute, wait... wait a minute - let me get this straight: we were cruising along at warp seven. Then we picked up a distress call and moved in to investigate. But now you're saying that the other ship is actually just a reflection of us and that the distress call is actually just the Captain's opening hail. But we picked up the distress call before she sent the hail. How could we have been seeing a reflection of something we hadn't even done yet? Am I making any sense here?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: No. But that's okay.

Captain Kathryn Janeway: Lieutenant - I understand you studied biochemistry at the Academy?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Er, only two semesters.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Close enough. You just volunteered to become a field medic. Report to sickbay as soon as we're finished here.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: "Sometimes you just have to punch your way through." I'll have to remember that one.

[last lines]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [to a shrunk Doctor] You know, I like you better this way.

Tom Paris: If we don't get more power to the warp drive, we're going to have to get out and push.


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Killing Game: Part 2 (#4.19)" (1998)
Tuvok: I don't recognize this
[holodeck]
Tuvok: program.
Tom Paris: I do. He's wearing a Nazi uniform. We're on Earth during the second world war.
Seven of Nine: Nazi?
Tom Paris: Totalitarian fanatics bent on world conquest; the Borg of their day. No offense.
Seven of Nine: None taken.

Tom Paris: Keep it movin', keep it movin', get the lead outta your pants!
Seven of Nine: Mid-twentieth-century American slang?
Tom Paris: You got a problem with that, sister?
Seven of Nine: You're enjoying this simulation! I find that peculiar, given the circumstances.
Tom Paris: Loosen up, baby doll, the war is almost over.

Tom Paris: [on Brigitte's alias Torres's "pregnancy"] So, what do you think? Boy or a girl?
Seven of Nine: It's a holographic projection.
B'Elanna Torres: Unfortunately it's a very good projection. I feel twenty kilos heavier. It even kicks!

Tom Paris: [to Torres, on the German SS Officer] Funny, he doesn't seem like your type.

[Lt. Davis is holding Kim at gunpoint, doubting the latter's claim to be an American civilian]
Tom Paris: [as Davis] Look, I don't have time for 20 Questions. You say you're an American? All right, then. If Betty Grable came around that corner, what part of her would you be staring at?
[Kim thinks hard, but doesn't come up with an answer]
Tom Paris: [cocking his gun] Sorry. Time's up.
Harry Kim: Her legs! I-I'd be staring at her legs!
[after a moment's hesitation, Davis smiles]
Tom Paris: Bullseye - lucky for you.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Spirit Folk (#6.17)" (2000)
[Kim has replicated a bunch of lilies]
Tom Paris: Something tells me that's not lunch.

Harry Kim: I heard about your little traffic accident.
Tom Paris: [laughs embarrassed] Now, that was a clutch malfunction, it wasn't my fault.
B'Elanna Torres: [on Fair Haven] If you ask me, that whole program is an accident waiting to happen.

Harry Kim: If you'll excuse me, I'm late for a moonlight stroll.
Tom Paris: Are you sure you don't need a chaperon?
Harry Kim: [laughs] Not with your driving record.

Seamus Driscol: Care to join me at Sullivan's?
Tom Paris: Oh, I wish I could, but I'm on my way to Castle O'Dell.
Seamus Driscol: Night's coming. And they say, when the sun goes down, the Queen of the Faerie Folk reclaims the castle.
Tom Paris: I'll give her your regards.

Seamus Driscol: Tommy-boy! I've been told there's a pot of gold somewhere in Glen Abbey. Would you be able to find it with one of those fancy machines of yours?
Tom Paris: Just follow the rainbow, Seamus.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Live Fast and Prosper (#6.21)" (2000)
Harry Kim: Tuvok, we saved you a seat.
[Tuvok hesitates]
Tom Paris: What's wrong?
Tuvok: Someone has altered one of my holodeck programs. Again.
Tom Paris: Hm. Are you sure it isn't just one of these malfunctions?
Harry Kim: Everything on the ship's been affected, including the holodecks.
Tuvok: The Oracle of K'Tal isn't programmed to wear pajamas.
Tom Paris: Well, maybe he overslept.
Tuvok: I am not amused by your practical jokes, Mr. Paris.
Tom Paris: Ha! Why do you always think it's me?
Tuvok: Mr. Kim?
Harry Kim: Mm, I'd like to claim credit, but I'm innocent.
Tuvok: The next time I visit the holodeck, I expect to find my program restored to its original parameters.
Tom Paris: I'm telling you, Tuvok, we didn't do it!
Harry Kim: [waits until Tuvok is out of earshot] I wonder how the Oracle would look in a sombrero.

[Neelix and Paris have set up a shell game to fool the Doctor]
The Doctor: This looks like an interesting game. May I have a turn?
Tom Paris: Well, be my guest. But, um... you'll have to wager something.
The Doctor: [to Neelix] If I win, you take three duty shifts in sickbay.
Neelix: And if I win, you take three shifts in the kitchen.
The Doctor: Done.
Neelix: Ready?
[he resets the game and begins shuffling the cups]
Neelix: Now, watch carefully. Round and round they go. Follow the tera nut if you can, but be careful, the hand is faster than the eye.
Tom Paris: Careful, Doc, try not to blink.
The Doctor: Don't you worry, Mr. Paris. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool my optical subroutines.
[Neelix finishes shuffling]
Neelix: Where is it, then?
The Doctor: In your left palm.
[and to the other gamblers' great bafflement, he turns Neelix's left hand around, which indeed contains the nut]
Tom Paris: How did you...?
The Doctor: Superior visual acuity. See you in sickbay.

Tom Paris: Why didn't we see this coming?
Neelix: Orphans! It's the oldest gambit in the book!
Tom Paris: I-I mean, if it'd been Harry, I could understand it, he trusts everybody; but you and me?

[last lines]
Neelix: [shuffling the cups] ... Round and round they go. Follow the tera nut if you can, but remember, the hand is sharper than your visual acuity.
The Doctor: I thought we'd already disproved that theory.
Neelix: You tell me.
The Doctor: [sighs] The tera nut is firmly entrenched up your right sleeve.
[Paris laughs triumphantly, and Neelix shows the Doctor his empty sleeve]
Neelix: [smugly] Sorry.
[the Doctor inspects it, then turns up all cups, yet doesn't find the nut]
The Doctor: [baffled] That's impossible!
Tom Paris: The old hand-off.
[and from behind the Doctor's ear, he conjures - the nut]
The Doctor: That's cheating!
[leaves angrily]
Neelix: [to Paris] We've still got it!

[last lines]
Neelix: [shuffling the cups] ... Round and round they go. Follow the tera nut if you can, but remember, the hand is sharper than your visual acuity.
The Doctor: I thought we'd already disproved that theory.
Neelix: You tell me.
The Doctor: [sighs] The tera nut is firmly entrenched up your right sleeve.
[Paris laughs triumphantly, and Neelix shows the Doctor his empty sleeve]
Neelix: [sneering] Sorry.
[the Doctor inspects it, then turns up all cups, yet doesn't find the nut]
The Doctor: [baffled] That's impossible!
Tom Paris: The old handoff.
[and from behind the Doctor's ear, he conjures - the nut]
Neelix: Ooh.
The Doctor: That's cheating!
[leaves angrily]
Neelix: [to Paris] We've still got it!


"Star Trek: Voyager: Workforce: Part 1 (#7.16)" (2001)
Tom Paris: I had a disagreement with the new Efficiency Monitor. She didn't think my work was very...
Umali: Efficient?
Tom Paris: Exactly.
Umali: Then why should I hire you?
Tom Paris: Well, there's my natural charm and personality. They'd be a real asset around a place like this where you're trying to attract patrons. I mean, look at you. You haven't been able to tear yourself away from me.
Umali: There's no one else here.

Umali: You'd better clean those tables over there. This place is going to be filled with hungry workers as soon as the next shift ends.
Tom Paris: You won't regret this.
Umali: Oh, I'm certain I will.

[the majority of Voyager's crew has been brainwashed, not recognizing each other as who they really are]
Tom Paris: Maybe we could get together during the day sometime, take a walk by the river.
B'Elanna Torres: [getting up] I don't think so.
Tom Paris: Why not? I am a very engaging conversationalist...
[he notices B'Elanna's bulging belly]
Tom Paris: Oh.
B'Elanna Torres: Yeah. Still want to get together?
Tom Paris: You're married.
B'Elanna Torres: No.
Tom Paris: Oh.
B'Elanna Torres: Enjoy your day.
[smiles smugly and leaves]

Tom Paris: Space travel makes me sick.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Body and Soul (#7.7)" (2000)
[Tuvok is going through the pon farr]
Tom Paris: You never fail to amaze me, Tuvok. A man of your advanced years still driven by the mating instinct?
Tuvok: Unlike in Humans, the Vulcan libido increases with time.
Tom Paris: Well, I guess there has to be some kind of reward for all that Vulcan discipline.

Tom Paris: I do have one area of expertise that might help: the holodeck.
Tuvok: I am a married man.
Tom Paris: It's the holodeck, Tuvok, it doesn't count!
Tuvok: Is that what you tell your wife?
Tom Paris: No, of course not. My days of rescuing slave girls from Planet 10 are history.

[Tuvok has overcome his pon farr with the help of Paris and his holographic wife]
Tuvok: I have fully recovered. Thank you for your assistance.
Tom Paris: Ah, don't mention it. I just hope everything was okay?
Tuvok: Not exactly. My wife's ears are four millimeters shorter than your facsimile's.

Tom Paris: Headache, fever, respiratory distress, tremors. It looks like some kind of virus.
Tuvok: It is not a virus.
Tom Paris: You want to tell me what's going on?
Tuvok: In the Doctor's database, you'll find a medication under file theta twelve alpha. Please, replicate it immediately.
Tom Paris: You know I can't give out medicine without knowing what it's for.
Tuvok: If you must know, I am suffering from a neurochemical imbalance.
Tom Paris: An imbalance.
Tuvok: It is native to my species.
Tom Paris: Ah... this wouldn't be the kind of imbalance that comes around once every seven years?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Repentance (#7.13)" (2001)
Tom Paris: Do you have to be a criminal to get something to eat around here?
Neelix: Sorry, dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes.
B'Elanna Torres: You said that fifteen minutes ago.

Neelix: Did you know the Nygeans govern a sector of space occupied by several different humanoid species?
Tom Paris: If we say yes, will you feed us?

[Neelix has taken Joleg's side]
Tom Paris: Neelix...
Neelix: I know what you're thinking.
Tom Paris: That you're the softest touch in the Delta Quadrant.

Tom Paris: Neelix, when I was in the Federation penal colony, everybody had a story. I never put much stock in them. Neither should you.
Neelix: How many of those people were sentenced to die?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Natural Law (#7.22)" (2001)
[as a penalty for a flight infraction, Paris has to take flight lessons]
Harry Kim: Tom! You joining us? Oh, that's right, you have to go to pilot school!
B'Elanna Torres: I hear the course takes days.
Tom Paris: Yeah, for most people, but I did a little research. If the instructor agrees, you can skip the lessons and go right to the test. So I will be seeing you in a couple of hours.
Neelix: [to Torres] You have to admire his optimism.

Tom Paris: [receiving the instructor] It's an honor to meet you, sir. May I show you to the Delta Flyer?
Kleg, Flying Instructor: Why?
Tom Paris: Um... so you can explain what I did wrong and then administer the test.
Kleg, Flying Instructor: It sounds to me like you need lessons in patience as well.
B'Elanna Torres: [ironic] Oh, Tom is very patient, sir.
Neelix: [likewise] Never impulsive.
Harry Kim: Take all the time you need. He'll enjoy the extra attention.

[Paris has to interrupt his flight test after being recalled to duty, performing some audacious maneuvers in the process]
Kleg, Flying Instructor: I am sorry to inform you, Mr. Paris, but you have failed this examination! You will no longer be allowed to operate a vessel within Ledosian space.
Tom Paris: Something tells me that's not gonna be a problem.

Tom Paris: [Paris has broken a local traffic law, and has just been informed by Janeway that he's been sentenced to... ] Piloting lessons?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Apparently, the standard penalty for your infraction is a three day course in flight safety, followed by a test.
Tom Paris: Well, did you explain we wouldn't be here that long?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Actually, while you were completing your mission, Seven was invited to a four day conference.
Tom Paris: Here on Ledos?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I decided to give the entire crew shore leave. It'll give you plenty of time to brush up on your piloting skills.
Tom Paris: I don't need lessons!
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Apparently, the authorities disagree.
Tom Paris: But Captain!
Captain Kathryn Janeway: You may not have known the Ledosians' rules, but you know ours. Comply with local law. Understood?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Once Upon a Time (#5.5)" (1998)
Tom Paris: The Flyer has landed.

[Ensign Wildman has been injured in a crash landing]
Tom Paris: [examining her] You'll be all right - minor concussion, a few fractures, nothing I can't handle.
Ensign Samantha Wildman: You're a great nurse, but you're a lousy liar.

Tom Paris: [recording his goodbye message] ... But hey, B'Elanna, look on the bright side - no more day-old pizza laying around. And you'll never have to watch another chapter of Captain Proton again.
Voyager Computer: [bleeps] Warning! Life support has fallen to critical levels.
Tom Paris: Don't mind the computer. She's just jealous that I'm spending my last few minutes talking to *you*. - So long.

Tom Paris: I never thought it would come down to this - suffocating beneath kilotons of rock on some nameless planetoid.
Tuvok: Did you envision a more heroic death?
Tom Paris: I didn't envision dying at all.
Tuvok: In accepting the inevitable, one finds peace.
Tom Paris: If that's another Vulcan saying, Tuvok, I'll stick with "Live long and prosper".


"Star Trek: Voyager: Faces (#1.13)" (1995)
Human B'Elanna Torres: I grew up in a colony on Kessik IV. My mother and I were the only Klingons there; and... that was a time when... relations between the homeworld and the Federation weren't too cordial. Nobody ever said anything, but... we were different. And I didn't like that feeling. Then, my father left - when I was five years old. One day he was there and the next he wasn't. I cried myself to sleep every night, for months. Of course I never told anybody. And then I finally decided... that he left because I looked like a Klingon. And so I tried to look Human.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Looks like you finally got what you wanted.

Human B'Elanna Torres: I think that... when they extracted my Klingon DNA, they turned me into some kind of... a coward.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Sometimes fear can be a good thing - keeps you from taking unnecessary chances. Courage doesn't mean that you don't have fear. It means that you've learned to overcome it.

Lieutenant Tom Paris, Lieutenant Peter Durst: [respectively, to each other] They're the ones with the guns, remember?

Lieutenant Tom Paris: [to a Talaxian inmate in a Vidiian prison] I though those Vidiians were into organ harvesting. How come we're still in one piece?
Talaxian Prisoner: The disease makes them weak. They need someone to dig they're tunnels. That's us. The best way to stay alive around here... is to stay strong.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Thanks for the advice.
Talaxian Prisoner: No, don't thank me. They'll get around to gutting you eventually. There were 23 people from my ship. I'm the last one left.


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Disease (#5.17)" (1999)
[Paris tells Tuvok about an alien system to create different habitats]
Tom Paris: If you wanted to, you could recreate Vulcan in your quarters with that system.
Tuvok: Why would I want to?
Tom Paris: A little taste of home in the Delta Quadrant? Think about it - springtime on the shores of Lake Yuron!
Tuvok: I require a desk and a bed, nothing more.
Tom Paris: You're missing the point.
Tuvok: No doubt.
Tom Paris: These people have been traveling for 400 years. They've learned a thing or two about living comfortably.
Tuvok: Our systems are more than adequate.
Tom Paris: Ah! I give up!
Chakotay: After only two minutes? Tuvok, how do you do it?
Tuvok: I wait until his own illogic overwhelms him.

Tom Paris: Oh, here we go again.
Harry Kim: What?
Tom Paris: You, going after impossible women! Uh, a hologram, an ex-Borg, the wrong twin, and now a girl from a xenophobic species?

[Tom is pushing buttons like a virtuoso]
B'Elanna Torres: Impressive.
Tom Paris: Just trying to orchestrate the antimatter flow.
B'Elanna Torres: You should try some Chopin when you're done.

Tom Paris: [to Kim] You are such a lousy liar! Haven't you learned anything from me after five years?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Before and After (#3.21)" (1997)
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: [about Kes's experiences of the future ] I bet you found out some pretty interesting things?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Yeah, Kes, tell us what you know.
Commander Chakotay: Careful, Tom. You may find out that you'll leave Voyager only to join a monastery.

Ensign Harry Kim: So, how does it feel to be a grandfather?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: A lot better than it does to have you for a son-in-law.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: Let me get one thing straight, Doc - is it possible, if this keeps happening to Kes, that she might actually jump back into a time before she knew any of us?
The Doctor: Worse than that, Mr. Paris. It's possible she may eventually jump back to a time... before she even existed.

Kes: It's not as if I've seen everything that's going to happen over the next six years. I only remember short periods I experienced between jumps.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Even so, I bet you found out some pretty interesting things.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Yeah, Kes. Tell us what you know.
Commander Chakotay: Careful, Tom. You may find out that you leave Voyager only to join a monastery.


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Haunting of Deck Twelve (#6.25)" (2000)
Tom Paris: [on the cloud formations of the nebula] Now, there's a creepy image. Reminds me of something out of Edgar Allan Poe.
Harry Kim: Looks like a vampire bat. You can make out the wings, even the ears. What do you see, Tuvok?
Tuvok: Two Starfleet officers with juvenile imaginations.

Tom Paris: Don't you ever sweat?
Tuvok: Not unless the temperature reaches 350 degrees Kelvin, with a humidity factor at approximately...
Tom Paris: Forget I asked.

[the navigational sensors are malfunctioning]
Tom Paris: I'm telling you, we rely too much on 24th-century technology, Captain. You give me a window and a sextant, and I guarantee I'll get you where you wanna go.
[the ship suddenly goes to warp]
Tuvok: We've jumped to warp 6.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Tom?
Tom Paris: Don't look at me.

Chakotay: How are the children?
Neelix: Tucked in their alcoves, safe and sound.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I hope they weren't frightened?
Neelix: Oh, why would they be frightened, Captain?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: They were in the dark for three hours.
Neelix: Oh, no, not to worry! I told them a story to pass the time.
Tom Paris: Let me guess, Mother Goose.
Neelix: Certainly not! Some of those fairy tales can be frightening - ogres and child-eating monsters...


"Star Trek: Voyager: Year of Hell: Part 2 (#4.9)" (1997)
Annorax: You're an anomalous component - alone, disconnected, impossible to predict. You have no idea how you've complicated my mission.
Tom Paris: Glad to hear it.

Tom Paris: To quote a long-lost friend of mine: it seemed logical.

Chakotay: You're not doing anything against Annorax. That's an order.
Tom Paris: What're you gonna do? Take away my holodeck privileges?

Tom Paris: He's lost his family. Okay, that's a terrible thing. But so has everyone else on this ship. And frankly, so have we!


"Star Trek: Voyager: Random Thoughts (#4.10)" (1997)
[Neelix is telling Paris about his idea of a romantic evening with his love interest]
Tom Paris: Sounds like a good strategy.
Neelix: Do you really think so? I mean... you used to be quite the ladies' man.
Tom Paris: Used to be?
Neelix: Well... well, I mean, you're involved now, so of course you won't be availing yourself of all the beautiful, fascinating and very open-minded Mari women.
Tom Paris: Neelix, are you trying to depress me?

Tom Paris: The best advice I can give you is to just be yourself.
Neelix: Right - be myself.
Tom Paris: Actually, that's the second best piece of advice.
Neelix: What's the first?
Tom Paris: Go a little easier on the musk.

[Tom has suggested to attempt a rescue mission for B'Elanna, who has been taken into custody by the Mari]
Chakotay: Before we start resorting to extreme measures, don't you think we should give the Captain a chance to find a legal solution?
Tom Paris: By the time that happens, it may be too late.
Chakotay: I'll tell you what. Why don't you come up with a rescue plan, one that minimizes the possibility of violence, and I'll review it?
Tom Paris: Just trying to keep me busy, aren't you?
Chakotay: Can you blame me?

Tom Paris: Chakotay, we've got to talk.
Chakotay: [indicates the Captain's chair] Have a seat.
Tom Paris: Here?
Chakotay: I'm sure the Captain wouldn't object.


"Star Trek: Voyager: The 37's (#2.1)" (1995)
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Mr. Paris, prepare the ship for landing.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Captain, I think I should tell you I've never actually landed a starship before.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: That's all right, Lieutenant, neither have I.

[Paris is trying to start up a 20th century truck]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Now, let's see - this is before voice command activation, so there should be something in here called a key...

Amelia Earhart: How fast?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Warp 9.9. In your terms, that's about four billion miles a second.
Amelia Earhart: Think I could take her out for a spin?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Well, uh...

[last lines]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: All stations prepare for departure. Condition blue, Mr. Tuvok. Ms. Torres, anti-grav thrusters online.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Thrusters enabled.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Mr. Paris, inertial dampers to flight configuration. Impulse drive to standby.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Yes, ma'am.
Ensign Harry Kim: All stations report ready, Captain.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Then let's do it. Take us up.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Unimatrix Zero: Part 1 (#6.26)" (2000)
[Janeway is going on a possible suicide mission]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: This is my responsibility.
Tuvok: Starfleet Tactical Directive 36: "The Captain will not engage a hostile force without the protection of a Security officer." The probability of success is greater if there are two of us.
B'Elanna Torres: Make that three. If you're gonna pull this off, you'll need an engineer in there.
Tom Paris: B'Elanna!
B'Elanna Torres: Tactical Directive 36-A.
Tom Paris: There is no Directive 36-A.
B'Elanna Torres: There is now.

[Paris has just been reinstated to the rank of lieutenant, when his console gives out an alarm]
Tom Paris: Hiding a cake in the console?

Tom Paris: You know - I could sabotage the helm; you'd never make it out the launch doors.
B'Elanna Torres: Then I'd have to put you on report. You might lose that new pip of yours.
Tom Paris: It'd be a small price to pay.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Barge of the Dead (#6.3)" (1999)
B'Elanna Torres: [of her mother] Did I ever tell you that she put me in a Klingon monastery?
Tom Paris: [snorts] You're kidding.
B'Elanna Torres: It was after their marriage ended. She pulled me out of the Federation school, in order to teach me... honor and discipline.
Tom Paris: Hm - out of the plasma cooker into the fire.
B'Elanna Torres: She prayed to Kahless every day to guide me in the ways of the warrior. I guess he wasn't listening.

[Neelix offers Paris a dish of gagh]
Neelix: Sop joq jiH yuv gagh drek!
B'Elanna Torres: He said eat this, or he'll force it down the gullet of your corpse.
Neelix: No offense.
Tom Paris: Ah, none taken. So, this is replicated, right?
Neelix: Unfortunately.
Tom Paris: And how do you get it to... move?
Neelix: I used a kinesthetic agent to give it a little oomph.

Tom Paris: You've got a mild concussion.
B'Elanna Torres: That's the best thing that's happened to me all day.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Equinox: Part 1 (#5.26)" (1999)
[Burke is chatting to Torres, Paris and Kim]
B'Elanna Torres: First Officer - impressive. The last time we talked, you were about to drop out of Starfleet.
Lt. Cmdr. Maxwell Burke: I heard you beat me to it. The Maquis?
B'Elanna Torres: For a while. Until I ran into these two.
Tom Paris: And it's been hell ever since.

Tom Paris: "BLT"?
B'Elanna Torres: 'Bacon, lettuce and tomato'. It was a nickname.
Tom Paris: A nickname?
B'Elanna Torres: My initials.
Tom Paris: Oh. How romantic.

B'Elanna Torres: [about Burke] We broke up over ten years ago. No need to go to red alert.
Tom Paris: How about yellow alert?
B'Elanna Torres: You're cute when you're jealous.
Tom Paris: Who's jealous?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Warhead (#5.25)" (1999)
Harry Kim: [on taking the night shifts on the bridge] This is an opportunity to get command experience. You might put in for some yourself.
Tom Paris: What's the point of trying to compete with an ambitious upstart like you? Just promise me one thing: when you reach the top, you'll remember all the little people you climbed over to get there, and won't make them work night shifts.

Tom Paris: Asking me to give you a bumpy ride is like asking a virtuoso to sing off-key.

[first lines]
Tom Paris: Show mercy!
Neelix: You people have a saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. In other words, your credit's no good here.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Dreadnought (#2.17)" (1996)
Lt. Tom Paris: When a bomb starts talking about itself in the third person, I get worried.

Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: I was so sure that I had anticipated everything that could possibly go wrong. I even programmed it to warn Federation ships to stay out of its way - in my own voice.
Lt. Tom Paris: *Your* voice?
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Listening to that Cardassian computer's voice was driving me crazy.

Lt. Tom Paris: [to Torres] You know, I've been surprised at how well you've been able to fit in here, and a little envious.


"Star Trek: Voyager: One (#4.25)" (1998)
Tom Paris: [on the stasis units] Why do they have to design these things like coffins?
Harry Kim: Should we replicate you a teddy bear?

Harry Kim: Neelix, this soup is great. What is it?
Neelix: It's my secret recipe. I've never told anyone what's in it.
Tom Paris: Why does that make me nervous?
B'Elanna Torres: Oh, come on, Tom, where's your sense of adventure?
Tom Paris: Not in my stomach.

[last lines]
Tom Paris: Just think - we could have died in those coffins.
Seven of Nine: I suspect you would have found a way out before that, Lieutenant.
Harry Kim: What do you mean?
Seven of Nine: Lieutenant Paris refused to stay confined. On four separate occasions, the Doctor and I had to put him back into his stasis unit.
Harry Kim: Were you, um... locked in dark closets or something as a child?
Tom Paris: I just don't like closed places. I never have, I-I don't know why.
Seven of Nine: Perhaps you dislike being alone.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Tinker Tenor Doctor Spy (#6.4)" (1999)
[the Doctor is singing La Donna E Mobile in the mess hall, when Tuvok begins to cry]
Tom Paris: [whispering] Tuvok?
[Tuvok goes from crying to laughing uncontrollably, then grunting, as if in pain]
Tom Paris: Tuvok!
[Tuvok starts thrashing around]
Captain Janeway: [clicks her combadge] Janeway to Security, get a team to the mess hall right away!
The Doctor: Stand back! He's been seized by the pon farr! A neurochemical imbalance is driving him to mate. We won't be able to reason with him!
[starts singing to the melody of the music]
The Doctor: Tuvok, I understand / you are a Vulcan man. You have just gone without / For seven years, about.
[signals to Tom]
The Doctor: Paris, please find a way / To load a hypospray. I will give you the sign / Just aim for his behind. Hormones are raging, synapses blazing. It's all so veee-...
[Tom loads and throws the hypospray to the Doctor, who catches it]
The Doctor: ...hery illogical.
[injects Tuvok in the butt with the hypospray, and Tuvok collapses]
The Doctor: Illogical. Iii-ll... illogical.

[the Doctor has filed a formal grievance, along with a request to be made captain in the event of a catastrophic emergency]
Captain Janeway: I don't want anybody to be uncomfortable on this ship. I guess we should all try to be a little more considerate of his feelings.
Tom Paris: Captain, he does it to himself. He's Chief Medical Officer. Is it our fault that's not enough for him?

Tom Paris: What I wouldn't give right now for a whoopee cushion.
Harry Kim: A what?
Tom Paris: Ancient technology.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Hunters (#4.15)" (1998)
Tom Paris: You shouldn't get your hopes up, Harry. No hopes, no disappointments.
Harry Kim: I'm not you.

[Paris doesn't appear very enthusiastic when Torres announces a letter for him from his father]
Tom Paris: I don't know exactly why, but... the more everybody gets excited about these letters from home, the more I don't want any part of it. Maybe because... what I have on Voyager... is so much better than anything I ever had back there. I just don't want the reminder.

[Torres is delivering the last letters on the bridge]
B'Elanna Torres: I'm sorry, Tom. I wasn't able to download yours in time.
Tom Paris: [looking slightly disappointed] Just when I was getting eager to read it.
B'Elanna Torres: You could assume that he said he loves you. And that he's proud of you.
Tom Paris: I think I will.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Blink of an Eye (#6.12)" (2000)
[first lines]
Tom Paris: That's one planet that never showed up on the multiple choice exam.

[Voyager is being pummeled with more and more sophisticated projectiles]
Tuvok: Shields at 23 percent... 17 percent... Shields are down.
Tom Paris: What was that last one?
Harry Kim: A tricobalt device.
Tom Paris: What'll they think of next?

Tom Paris: Captain, isn't it time we returned fire?
Chakotay: We've done enough damage to these people over the last thousand years.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Scientific Method (#4.7)" (1997)
[Tuvok has caught Torres and Paris kissing in Engineering]
B'Elanna Torres: Do you think he'll say anything to the Captain?
Tom Paris: I don't know.
B'Elanna Torres: Well, how did he sound? Annoyed? Amused?
Tom Paris: He sounded Vulcan.

[last lines]
[Paris is speculating that the aliens may have been tampering with his and Torres's hormones]
Tom Paris: Well, when you think about it, you did have a pretty abrupt change of heart a couple of weeks ago. What made you realize that you loved me all of a sudden?
B'Elanna Torres: Just a feeling... So our whole relationship might be based on some... alien experiment?
Tom Paris: You never know.
B'Elanna Torres: Well, I think that explains it.
Tom Paris: I guess we should just... call it off, then.
B'Elanna Torres: I think so.
Tom Paris: Thank God we found out in time.
B'Elanna Torres: Thank God.
[they kiss passionately]
Tom Paris: I don't know about you, but... I'm curious to see how this experiment turns out.

B'Elanna Torres: Then we're agreed. Just a little more careful in public and we don't say anything to anybody.
Tom Paris: At least for now.
B'Elanna Torres: Now? Sounds like you see a future in this.
Tom Paris: I would never be so presumptuous.
B'Elanna Torres: Smooth recovery, Lieutenant.
Tom Paris: I thought so.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Basics: Part 2 (#3.1)" (1996)
[Paxim is reluctant to attack Voyager with his Talaxian ships]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Commander Paxim, my people are counting on you. Look, no one knows Voyager like I do. I know every vulnerability, every blind spot. Don't worry, I have a plan.
Paxim: [sighs] Very well. We'll rendezvous in an hour. Paxim out.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [to himself] One hour. I should be able to come up with some kind of plan in one hour.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: I don't have time for this!

Lieutenant Tom Paris: [Tom is trying to repair his shuttle while at the same time he's under heavy attack from a Kazon Raider] Dammit! I don't have time for this!
[the Raider fires again]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I don't have time for this! Computer. All stop.
[the shuttle stops and the Raider is now in front of it. Tom fires phasers at it until it's destroyed]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I told you I don't have time for this.
[Tom flies the shuttle out of there]


"Star Trek: Voyager: Good Shepherd (#6.20)" (2000)
Neelix: [referring to Crewman Harren] I'll bet you haven't said two words to him.
Tom Paris: Two words, exactly. We collided in the corridor during a Borg attack; I said, "Excuse me". Since we were at red alert and about to be destroyed, I think it was very considerate of me.

Tom Paris: What are you doing?
[Harren slides over the PADD he has been working on - with nothing but complicated calculations]
Tom Paris: [frowning] Very interesting.
Mortimer Harren: What do you find most interesting about it?
Tom Paris: Your creative use of the minus sign.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Displaced (#3.24)" (1997)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: On your feet now, Torres, that's an order!
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: You can't give me orders, we're the same rank.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I am a bridge officer, and I have seniority.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Oh, yeah, by about two days!
Lieutenant Tom Paris: On your feet, now! Come on, you've been wanting to take a swing at me for days. Now is your chance.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: You're just trying to get me moving.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: You *will* keep moving. Or do I have to throw you over my shoulder and carry you out?
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Don't even try it.

[Torres and Paris have fled into a snow-covered wasteland]
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: My hands are completely numb!
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Here.
[warms her hands]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I would have thought all that hot Klingon blood would have kept you warm.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: [shivering] Shows how much you know about Klingons. They have much less tolerance for the cold than Humans do.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Really? I thought that was Cardassians.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: No, they just complain about it more.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Waking Moments (#4.13)" (1998)
Tom Paris: Let's go skiing. How about... St. Moritz?
B'Elanna Torres: We went skiing last time.
Tom Paris: And you loved it. You're getting really good, you know.
B'Elanna Torres: I just thought maybe we could run a program where the windchill factor wasn't 30 below zero. Like... Fiji. Or Samoa.
Tom Paris: [scoffs] There's nothing to do there!
B'Elanna Torres: And you can be warm while you're not doing it!

Tom Paris: Neelix - did you have a rough night or something?
Neelix: Why do you ask?
Tom Paris: Because you just poured me a steaming cup of cooking oil.


"Star Trek: Voyager: False Profits (#3.5)" (1996)
Merchant: [after dealing a couple of clay ears for Paris' shoes] Gentlemen, as the Sages say, your goods are now my goods.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: And my feet are now cold.

Bard: W-well? What did you think?
Commander Chakotay: It was... er, very nice.
Bard: *Nice?* I'll wager you've never heard the Song of the Sages more beautifully or faithfully recited!
Lieutenant Tom Paris: He's got a point. We have *never* heard the Song of the Sages more beautifully recited.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Fair Trade (#3.13)" (1997)
Neelix: I've heard you were in some trouble in the past - spent time in prison.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: That's right.
Neelix: Do you... Would you... tell me how you got in trouble?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I've thought a lot about that. And it comes down to one simple fact: I didn't tell the truth. I made a mistake, which happens to people. But if I'd admitted that mistake it would have been a lot better. But I lied about it; and it nearly ruined my life.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: [about station manager Bahrat] Pleasant fella.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Timeless (#5.6)" (1998)
Seven of Nine: I wish to examine the results of the simulation.
Tom Paris: Holodeck 2, run them for yourself - that is, if you don't mind being vaporized a few dozen times.

Tom Paris: Harry... I think we built an Edsel.
Harry Kim: A what?
Tom Paris: A lemon. A disaster waiting to happen.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Homestead (#7.23)" (2001)
Neelix: I'm gonna make it my personal mission to get you to dance at least once before we reach Earth.
Tuvok: Then I suggest you find a more productive hobby.
Tom Paris: If you two don't stop it, I'm gonna come back there and separate you.

[the away team has managed to power up the Delta Flyer]
Tom Paris: Good work. Now we need to run a systems...
Computer: [bleeps] Intruder alert.
Tom Paris: At least we know internal sensors are working.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Cathexis (#1.12)" (1995)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Am I being accused of something here?
Lieutenant Tuvok: We're merely following a line of deductive reasoning, Lieutenant. Both deviations from our course were apparently issued from locations where you were working.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I'm telling you, I didn't do it!
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Well, I'm willing to rule out mutiny for the time being.

The Doctor: Neurotransmitters are normal. Synaptic functions stable. Hold still.This is an extremely sensitive scan.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: What I wouldn't give to see good old Doc Brown right now.
The Doctor: What?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Doc Brown. Lollipops in the waiting room. No holocomic books more than 6 months old, hose calls. I caught a bad cold one time when I was 9 years old. The doctor whipped up a pot of garlic soup and brought it over himself.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Repression (#7.4)" (2000)
[Tom has created a 20th-century movie theater on the holodeck]
Tom Paris: [handing B'Elanna a pair of glasses] These will make the images on the screen appear three-dimensional.
B'Elanna Torres: Let me get this straight: you've gone to all this trouble to program a three-dimensional environment that projects a two-dimensional image, and now you're asking me to wear these, to make it look three-dimensional again?
Tom Paris: Great, isn't it?

[Paris and Kim have created a negative image of Tabor's aggressor via photon displacement]
Tuvok: Can you extrapolate the assailant's height and weight?
Harry Kim: I'd say between 170 and 190 centimeters, maybe 75 kilograms.
Tom Paris: That describes about half the members of the crew.
Harry Kim: At least we can rule out Naomi Wildman.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Juggernaut (#5.21)" (1999)
Tom Paris: So, how'd it go with B'Elanna today?
Tuvok: Our meditation sessions are confidential.
Tom Paris: [scoffs] No, I'm not asking for sordid details. I just want to know if you think you can help her.
Tuvok: Her training will be a challenge, for both of us.
Tom Paris: [sniggers] Take it from me: getting B'Elanna to control her temper is like convincing a Ferengi to leave his estate to charity.

B'Elanna Torres: I suppose it's always gonna be like this.
Tom Paris: Like what?
B'Elanna Torres: Me against the galaxy.
Tom Paris: Well, the galaxy doesn't stand a chance.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Inside Man (#7.6)" (2000)
Tom Paris: When it comes to getting us home, our shortcuts have a tendency to blow up in our faces.
Harry Kim: Well, that's looking on the bright side.
Tom Paris: Remember Arturis and his quantum slipstream drive? Or, um... or how about the telepathic pitcher plant that made us think we were on our way home, right before it tried to eat the ship?
Harry Kim: This is the best opportunity we've had!
Tom Paris: Yeah, which is why we'll probably end up in the Gamma Quadrant.

[Kim's hopes of returning home have been shattered]
Tom Paris: If it'll make you feel any better, I'll let you in on a little secret: I was on the bridge this morning when we received a hail from an Iconian scientist. He claims to have a trans-dimensional gateway that can take us anywhere in the galaxy.
Harry Kim: I'm not that gullible.
B'Elanna Torres: It's true. I was there. The Captain doesn't want us to get our hopes up, but personally, I think we'll be home by the end of the week.
Harry Kim: [rapt] Are you serious?
[Paris snorts]
B'Elanna Torres: [to Tom] You were right about him.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Scorpion: Part 1 (#3.26)" (1997)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Better to ride the rapids than face the hive.

[upon encountering the remains of 15 Borg ships]
Chakotay: Life signs?
Ensign Harry Kim: A few but they're erratic.
Lieutenant Tuvok: Captain, I am detecting 2 residual weapons signatures in the debris. One is Borg. The other is of unknown origin.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Who could do this to the Borg?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Basics: Part 1 (#2.26)" (1996)
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Time to intercept?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Three minutes, ten seconds - give or take a photon torpedo.

The Doctor: Projecting the illusion of a large, three-dimensional object has been a trick of magicians for centuries.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: We'll just do it with mirrors!
The Doctor: Mister Paris' predictable attempts at humor notwithstanding, that is precisely what I would suggest.


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Killing Game: Part 1 (#4.18)" (1998)
[Captain Miller is worried that his troops won't get any support from the Resistance in Sainte Claire]
Tom Paris: [as Lt. Davis] You may be underestimating the good citizens of Sainte Claire. I spent a summer there when I was eighteen.
Chakotay: [as Captain Miller] Let me guess: you ate a few snails, fell in love with a local girl and became an expert on the city.
Tom Paris: Um, well... Yeah, pretty much like that.

[Davis alias Paris and Brigitte alias Torres are face to face at gunpoint]
B'Elanna Torres: Bobby!
Tom Paris: You owe me a postcard.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Fury (#6.23)" (2000)
Tom Paris: [on Neelix's latest creation] You know, Neelix, if you want to put your own stamp on it, maybe you should give it your own name, like... the 'Greasy Neelix', or... the, uh, 'Double Talaxian with Cheese'.

Captain Kathryn Janeway: Tom, what's the first thing they teach you about maneuvering at warp?
Tom Paris: Uh, "Faster than light, no left or right".


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Fight (#5.19)" (1999)
Tom Paris: Subspace Radio is calling it "The Disaster in the Delta".

[first lines]
Chakotay: [Chakotay is in hysterics and lying on a bio-bed] NO! Make them stop!
The Doctor: [to Seven] Anything?
Seven of Nine: Nothing of relevance. His neural pathways are still fluctuating.
Tom Paris: Doc! Can't you do something? Look how much he's suffering.
The Doctor: If I sedate him we could lose any chance of making contact with the aliens!
Chakotay: Get them out!
The Doctor: Commander, can you hear me? Focus on the sound of my voice!
Chakotay: I can't understand them! They won't stop talking!
The Doctor: What are they saying?
Chakotay: I DON'T KNOW! MAKE THEM STOP, PLEASE!


"Star Trek: Voyager: Concerning Flight (#4.11)" (1997)
Tom Paris: I feel like we've just been mugged.

Chakotay: Ready for some fancy flying?
Tom Paris: You bet.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Dragon's Teeth (#6.7)" (1999)
[Voyager is trapped inside a subspace network]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Can you find a way out?
Tom Paris: I don't know. There's hundreds of corridors, it's like a maze.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Then be a good rat and find us the cheese, hm?

[during an attack by Vaadwaur ships, Janeway suggests using the atmosphere's radiogenic particles as a power source for Voyager's impulse drive]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: What if we drew the particles directly into our plasma manifold?
Tom Paris: That would give us one hell of a boost.
Harry Kim: It could also blow out every power relay on the ship.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Damned if we do, damned if we don't.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Extreme Risk (#5.3)" (1998)
Tom Paris: Behold the Delta Flyer!

Tom Paris: Look, we could spend weeks trying to solve this, but we've got a ticking clock. Engines are working, weapons systems are online; I say we launch now and hope for the best.
Tuvok: Mr. Paris, that is perhaps the most illogical statement you've ever made.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Investigations (#2.20)" (1996)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Hello, Seska. You're looking radiantly maternal.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: I know that I've been acting like a jerk for the last couple of months. Unfortunately I had to behave that way if the spy was going to believe that I really wanted to leave the ship. So, I'd like to apologize to anyone that I might have offended. Um... especially Commander Chakotay; I gave him a pretty hard time. Not that it wasn't a certain amount of fun, mind you.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Imperfection (#7.2)" (2000)
Tom Paris: Captain, this was our twelfth simulation. Something tells me thirteen won't be our lucky number.

Tuvok: I have isolated a section that contains the bodies of approximately 37 drones.
Tom Paris: 37 doesn't sound 'approximate' to me.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Renaissance Man (#7.24)" (2001)
[the Doctor has taken on the appearance of B'Elanna, when Tom shows up with a covered tray]
Tom Paris: I thought since you didn't have time for lunch under the stars, maybe you'd settle for the glow of the warp core.
The Doctor, as B'Elanna Torres: How thoughtful. But I'm... not hungry.
Tom Paris: Well, I'm sure the baby is famished.
[removes the cover from the tray to reveal a pile of chicken drumsticks]
The Doctor, as B'Elanna Torres: A pregnant woman shouldn't eat this kind of food! Do you want to give me an arterial occlusion?
Tom Paris: [scoffs] One drumstick isn't gonna kill you. Besides, I won't tell the Doctor - if you won't.

[the Doctor thinks his programs is about to break down]
The Doctor: [to Janeway] I've had something on my conscience for a long time. After I was first activated, I kept a record of what I considered to be your most... questionable command decisions. It's in my personal database. I hope you'll delete the file without reading it.
The Doctor: [to Tuvok] Mr. Tuvok. I violated the most sacred trust between a physician and his patient. I told Mr. Neelix about the cutaneous eruption you developed on your...
[looks furtively around, realizing everyone else is listening]
The Doctor: That was indiscreet. I hope you can forgive me.
The Doctor: [to Kim] Ensign. At your recital last month, I told Lieutenant Torres that your saxophone playing reminded me of a wounded targ. I should have put it more delicately! I'm sorry!
The Doctor: [pushing Kim aside] Seven.
Seven of Nine: You should remain still.
The Doctor: You have no idea how difficult it's been, hiding my true feelings all these years, averting my eyes during your regular maintenance exams.
[the Doctor's holomatrix starts to glitch]
The Doctor: [falling on his knees] I know you could never have the same feelings for me, but I want you to know the truth. I love you, Seven.
[his program glitches again]
Seven of Nine: Your cognitive algorithms are malfunctioning.
The Doctor: [stands up and waves the others goodbye] Goodbye, my friends! Speak well of me!
[the Doctor disappears]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Is he...?
B'Elanna Torres: No, I've got him.
[the Doctor reappears, with his hand still held up]
The Doctor: What happened?
B'Elanna Torres: I deleted the extraneous subroutines.
The Doctor: I'm not going to decompile?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: You'll probably outlive us all.
[hands him back his mobile emitter]
Tom Paris: Doc - anything... else you'd like to confess?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Prime Factors (#1.9)" (1995)
Captain Kathryn Janeway: It's the first time we've been on the other side of the fence.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: What fence?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: The one that's made of binding principles. We have our own set of rules, which includes the Prime Directive. How many times have we been in the position of refusing to interfere when some kind of disaster threatened an alien culture? It's all very well to say we do it on the basis of an enlightened principle. But how does that feel to the aliens? I'm sure many of them think the Prime Directive is a lousy idea.

Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Harry... Is it true about you and the Delaney sisters?
Ensign Harry Kim: Is what true?
Seska: Come on, Harry. There aren't any secrets on a ship this small.
Ensign Harry Kim: What have you been telling people?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Well, we did take that trip to Venice with them.
Ensign Harry Kim: The holodeck? You got to be kidding. That lasted all of 15 minutes.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Yeah, you know, I've been meaning to ask you. What happened when you and Jenny Delaney disappeared on that gondola?
Ensign Harry Kim: Nothing.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Harry, we're your friends. You can tell us.
Ensign Harry Kim: Nothing. We... talked. And then... I fell over the side.
Seska: You fell out of the gondola?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I think maybe Harry wasn't prepared for how voracious Jenny Delaney can be.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Dark Frontier (#5.15)" (1999)
Harry Kim: [after destroying a Borg vessel] I wish that boom had been a bit smaller; we were only trying to disable them.
Tom Paris: They were drones, Harry, mindless automatons. We did them a favor.
[Seven of Nine appears behind Paris, obviously aware of his comment]
Harry Kim: Seven!
Tom Paris: [embarrassed] Um... look, I, I didn't mean anything by that.
Seven of Nine: Your apology is irrelevant. It's impossible to offend a mindless drone.

The Doctor: I was hoping to find one of these: it's a servo-armature from a medical repair drone - laser scalpel, bio-molecular scanner, micro-suture, all rolled into one instrument!
Tom Paris: No Federation sickbay should be without one.


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Void (#7.15)" (2001)
Tom Paris: Who says gremlins in the engine are a myth?
[after the Void aliens have sabotaged the enemy ships]

Tuvok: I've detected a number of vessels monitoring us.
Tom Paris: The vultures are circling.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Vultures eat the dead, Mr. Paris. We're not dead yet.


Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force (2000) (VG)
Paris: This is great! What is it?
Neelix: Pie.
Paris: What kind of pie?
Neelix: Oh, just pie.
Paris: What kind of pie?
Neelix: Lorinax grub roach pie. Enjoy!

Lt. Commander Tuvok: The Harvesters appear to attach themselves to the stranded ships and use massive claws to literally tear the ship apart. The Harvester aliens, meanwhile, invade the ship and plunder equipment and crew. The effect is utterly devastating.
Paris: Great! Thanks for the pep talk!


"Star Trek: Voyager: 11:59 (#5.23)" (1999)
The Doctor: I, too, come from a distinguished line.
Tom Paris: His cousin's an electric shaver.
[all laugh]
The Doctor: Hardly. My program was compiled from the most advanced holomatrices in the Federation. My cousin was a prize-winning chess program.

Tom Paris: Behold the wonder of the modern world: Borg photographic memory.
[after Seven has given detailed information about the Seventh Wonder of the Ancient World]


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Thaw (#2.23)" (1996)
Ensign Harry Kim: I'm trying to prepare for an important performance.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Oh, really? Are we scheduled to rendezvous with the Delta Quadrant Symphony Orchestra?

[Kim is practicing on his clarinet, when his room neighbor, Ensign Baytart, knocks against the wall]
Ensign Harry Kim: It's the darn fluid conduits running through the walls, they conduct sound. You'd think when they designed this thing, they would have...
Lieutenant Tom Paris: This ship was built for combat performance, Harry, not musical performance. Nobody figured we'd be taking any long trips.
Ensign Harry Kim: Where am I supposed to practice?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: How about cargo bay?
Ensign Harry Kim: Bad acoustics.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: We could get Baytart transferred to the night shift.
Ensign Harry Kim: [snickers] Couldn't do that - could we?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: So now you have an excuse to give your mother why you didn't practice while you were gone.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Survival Instinct (#6.2)" (1999)
[Tom Paris and Harry Kim both have black eyes after a visit on a space station]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: A "friendly game"?
Tom Paris: Well, that's how it started.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I see. Perhaps you could explain to me how this friendly game turned into a street brawl?
Tom Paris: Well, Harry and I... wanted to explore the station. Um... we wanted to broaden our understanding of alien cultures, and, uh...
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Skip the recruiting speech. You were looking for a bar.

[Tom and Harry are answering for turning a Kinbori game into a fistfight]
Harry Kim: And then, uh... well, things got a little out of hand.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: "A little out of hand."
Captain Kathryn Janeway: [reading from a PADD] Seven Voyager crewmen, including two bridge officers, along with thirteen Kinbori and one Morphinian cafe owner, all arrested. The charges range from disorderly conduct to assault on a Security officer.
Harry Kim: But th... that one's not true!
Captain Kathryn Janeway: [sarcastically] Oh, thank you, Mr. Kim, I'll note that exception in my log. You're both confined to quarters until further notice, *after* you report to sickbay. That's all.
[Tom sighs, and the men turn to leave]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Well, didja win?
Tom Paris: Oh, yes, ma'am.
Harry Kim: We kicked their... racquets.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Memorial (#6.14)" (2000)
[Paris is intently watching a hockey game on TV]
B'Elanna Torres: It was a shame that we had to cut the lecture short, but the warp core overloaded and then the Borg invaded and...
[snorts]
B'Elanna Torres: ...we were all assimilated.
Tom Paris: [unconcerned] M-hm.
B'Elanna Torres: You haven't heard a single thing I've said, have you?

Tom Paris: [after waking up from a violent nightmare] They always said television was a bad influence.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Macrocosm (#3.12)" (1996)
[the entire crew is feeling ill from a virus infection]
Tom Paris: Well, so much for lunch.
B'Elanna Torres: [groans] I may never look at food again.
Tom Paris: I thought Klingons didn't get nauseated. You have a redundant stomach.
B'Elanna Torres: [sighs] Well, right now, they're both unhappy.

Tom Paris: [noticing a deep humming] What... What is that?
The Doctor: You don't want to know.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Real Life (#3.22)" (1997)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [reading from Torres's PADD] "Rork turned his fierce eye upon her, and M'Nea felt her heart begin to quicken, even as her hand went to her dagger. She had intended to plunge it into his throat, but something about him made her hesitate..." - B'Elanna, is this a Klingon romance novel?
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Klingons do have what you might call a romantic side. It's a bit more vigorous than most.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I think I'll read it. Maybe it'll give me some ideas about how to make your heart quicken.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: It's not a technical manual, Tom.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Well, that depends on what you mean by 'technical'.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: To an engineer, that means... specializing in particular systems.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I think that definition works.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: Well, I can't promise I won't put a dagger in your throat.

[after Belle has been fatally injured in an accident, the Doctor has shut down his family program]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I guess all of us would avoid that kind of pain if we could. But most people don't have that choice.
The Doctor: Well, fortunately I do.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Is it so fortunate? You created that program so you could experience what it's like to have a family. The good times and the bad. You can't have one without the other.
The Doctor: I fail to see why not.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Think about what's happened to us here on Voyager. Everyone left people behind, and everyone suffered a loss. But... look how it's brought us all closer together. We found support here, and friendship, and we've become a family, in part because of the pain we shared. If you turn your back on this program, you'll always be stuck at this point. You'll never have the chance to say goodbye to your daughter. Or to be there for your wife and son when they need you. And you'll be cheating yourself of the chance to have their love and support. In the long run, you'll miss the whole point of what it means to have a family.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Persistence of Vision (#2.8)" (1995)
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I suggest you don't look at the view screen.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [referring to the image of his father on the screen] It's not even tempting.

Lieutenant Tom Paris: [to his "father"] Let me say something I've always wanted to say: get out of my life!


"Star Trek: Voyager: Bliss (#5.14)" (1999)
Tom Paris: Speaking of late, I'll make a deal with you: I'll explain to Sam why her daughter's two hours late for bedtime, if you start on the survey report.
Seven of Nine: Acceptable.
Tom Paris: Have fun.

Seven of Nine: Computer, activate EMH.
Tom Paris: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Distant Origin (#3.23)" (1997)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I'll see you tonight. BYOB.
Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres: What?
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Bring your own bat'leth.

[on the clicking sounds made by the cloaked Voth]
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Tuvok, I hope that's your stomach.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Pathfinder (#6.10)" (1999)
Holographic Tom Paris: [on Barclay's multiple commitments] Velocity, hoverball, warp core recalibrations - Reg, I don't know how you do it.
Lt. Reginald Barclay: [conspiratorially] Letja in on a little secret: there's two of me!

Tom Paris: To... my dad - it's nice to know he's still there - and to the newest honorary member of the Voyager crew, Reginald Barclay, whoever you are.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Message in a Bottle (#4.14)" (1998)
[after Kim has downloaded the medical library into the medical replacement hologram, it starts babbling scientific texts]
Tom Paris: What's he doing?
Harry Kim: I think he's reciting Gray's Anatomy.

Tom Paris: I'm a pilot, Harry, not a doctor!


"Star Trek: Voyager: Year of Hell: Part 1 (#4.8)" (1997)
Tom Paris: I was inspired by an ancient steamship, the Titanic. The engineers of the day constructed a series of special bulkheads - sort of like a honeycomb - that would lower into place if they suffered a major hull breach. In theory, they could stay afloat even with half the ship filled with water.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: The Titanic? As I recall, it sank.
Tom Paris: Let's just say I've... made a few improvements.

Tom Paris: Physician, heal thyself.
[after a very emotional Doctor has reprimanded Paris for his lack of emotional detachment as a nurse]


"Star Trek: Voyager: Flesh and Blood: Part 2 (#7.10)" (2000)
Tom Paris: We're not letting them intimidate us, are we?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: [wryly] I think you know me a little better than that.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Nemesis (#4.4)" (1997)
Tuvok: I have concluded that the least risky course of action is for a single crew member to make the infiltration, accompanied by a commando unit that Ambassador Treen has agreed to provide.
Tom Paris: Fine with me. When do I leave?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Something tells me that's not what Tuvok has in mind.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Riddles (#6.6)" (1999)
Chakotay: [Voyager has managed to track down an extremely xenophobic species with help from another species, the Kesat] They're charging weapons!
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Open a channel, all subspace bands.
Chakotay: They're firing!
Captain Kathryn Janeway: [the ship rocks with weapons fire] Cease fire immediately,
[another hit]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: or I'll transmit the coordinates of this outpost to the Kesat homeworld!
Tom Paris: [the weapons fire stops] That got their attention.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Prototype (#2.13)" (1996)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Very polite, these automated units.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Tuvix (#2.24)" (1996)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: We've created a monster.
[after Tuvix has won yet another game of pool against Chakotay]


"Star Trek: Voyager: State of Flux (#1.10)" (1995)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [about Culluh] Friendly sort.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Innocence (#2.22)" (1996)
[Janeway and Paris are going through the shuttle preflight sequence]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I think we've got all the basics. Computer, initiate cold-launch sequence.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Or we could just skip preflight altogether.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Definitely not recommended, but sometimes necessary.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I'll remember that.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Prey (#4.16)" (1998)
Chakotay: Is your body armor designed to handle rapid pressure fluctuations?
Alpha Hirogen: It can defeat most hostile environments. I once tracked a silicon-based life-form through the neutronium mantle of a collapsed star.
Tom Paris: I once tracked a mouse through Jefferies tube 32.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Unforgettable (#4.22)" (1998)
Tom Paris: [to Kim] So - you're going to realign your sensors with Seven's. Sounds like fun.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Lifesigns (#2.19)" (1996)
The Doctor: Mr. Paris, I assume you've had a great deal of experience being rejected by women.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Thanks a lot, Doc.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Mortal Coil (#4.12)" (1997)
Tom Paris: Neelix! You still don't know how to make a pizza. But I'm glad you're here.


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Swarm (#3.4)" (1996)
[Voyager is circumventing an alien sensor net]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: When I was in high school, I snuck out of the house a couple of times late at night. Had to tiptoe past my parents' bedroom. It's kind of how I feel right now.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: You sneaked out of your house? Where were you going?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: I'll have to leave that to your imagination, Lieutenant.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Tsunkatse (#6.15)" (2000)
[Paris observes Seven preparing several containers for an away mission]
Tom Paris: How long are you planning on being gone?
Seven of Nine: Approximately 48 hours.
Tom Paris: [laughs] Just like B'Elanna.
Seven of Nine: Clarify.
Tom Paris: Well, she overpacks, too.
Seven of Nine: I haven't overpacked. I simply wish to be prepared for any contingency.
Tom Paris: [holds up a piece of equipment] And... what contingency is this for?
Seven of Nine: That's an isomodulator, enhanced to correct hull ablation in the event we encounter a meteoroid stream.
Tom Paris: Couldn't you just replicate an isomodulator?
Seven of Nine: I prefer this one.
Tom Paris: Oh, I get it. You like to have your own things with you. B'Elanna's the same way. You know, she'd never admit it, but she still takes her stuffed animal with her whenever she's gonna be away for more than a day. 'Toby the Targ'.
Seven of Nine: Can Toby the Targ correct hull ablation? Your comparison is flawed.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Heroes and Demons (#1.11)" (1995)
[Paris has beamed back the Doctor, who has his arm cut off]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Sickbay, report.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Er... I have him, Captain - more or less...


"Star Trek: Voyager: Warlord (#3.10)" (1996)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: [after Tuvok has applied the Vulcan nerve pinch on one of Tieran's guards] Someday you're gonna have to show me how to do that.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Twisted (#2.6)" (1995)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I don't suppose anyone here knows the way to the bridge?


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Voyager Conspiracy (#6.9)" (1999)
Seven of Nine: Last night, I downloaded six months of ship status reports into my new cortical sub-unit while I was regenerating.
Tom Paris: "Learn while you sleep." I tried that once; it gave me a headache.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Resolutions (#2.25)" (1996)
[after contracting an endemic virus on a planet, Janeway and Chakotay have to be left behind]
Lieutenant Tuvok: They have a type 9 shuttlecraft at their disposal, if it becomes possible for them to leave the planet.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Type 9 shuttlecraft has a top speed of warp 4. It won't take them more than, oh, about 700 years to get home.
Lieutenant Tuvok: I'm not certain what it is you expect me to do, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I guess, clearly something you can't do - which is to feel as rotten about this as we do.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Unimatrix Zero: Part 2 (#7.1)" (2000)
[as acting First Officer, Paris has a disagreement with acting Captain Chakotay]
Chakotay: Lieutenant - a First Officer could get in a lot of trouble for talking to his Captain that way.
Tom Paris: Well, I've learned from the best.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Collective (#6.16)" (2000)
Tom Paris: [the boys are playing poker] Look, why don't we make things a little more interesting? Forget the chips. Let's bet on tomorrow's work detail, all right? Whoever wins this hand gets the morning off.
Chakotay: I'm in.
Harry Kim: I'm in.
Neelix: Sounds good to me.
Chakotay: What have you got?
Harry Kim: Two pair.
Neelix: Does that beat a flush?
Harry Kim: I *knew* you were bluffing!
Chakotay: That beats me. Tom?
Chakotay: [Tom says nothing; he's staring in horror at the viewscreen. The others follow his gaze, and see a Borg cube coming right at them] Battle stations!
Tom Paris: [as everyone scrambles for their station] And I had a full house...


"Star Trek: Voyager: Workforce: Part 2 (#7.17)" (2001)
[B'Elanna kisses Tom on the cheek]
Tom Paris: What's that for?
B'Elanna Torres: For taking care of me, even when you didn't know who I was.
[she smiles, then punches him in the arm]
Tom Paris: Ow! What was *that* for?
B'Elanna Torres: Flirting with your customers.
Tom Paris: I was a victim of mind control!


"Star Trek: Voyager: Relativity (#5.24)" (1999)
[Paris has asked Seven to partner with him in the ping-pong doubles tournament, which she declines]
Tom Paris: Too bad. Well, I guess I'll have to tell B'Elanna that you thought you couldn't beat her.
Seven of Nine: You're attempting to appeal to my vanity.
Tom Paris: Is it working?
Seven of Nine: I will consider your request.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Darkling (#3.18)" (1997)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: So, what are you up to, Doc?
The Doctor-Darkling: [curtly] Work.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Yeah, never ends, does it? I guess that mobile emitter turned out to be something of a mixed blessing, huh?


"Star Trek: Voyager: Virtuoso (#6.13)" (2000)
Tom Paris: Doc - you're not really gonna do this, are you?
The Doctor: I would have thought you of all people would be glad to see me go.
Tom Paris: Are you kidding? Who am I gonna torment after you're gone?


"Star Trek: Voyager: In the Flesh (#5.4)" (1998)
Harry Kim: The last 8472 I met tried to dissolve me from the inside out.
Tom Paris: It was only trying to get to know you better, Harry. You can't fault a person for that.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Equinox: Part 2 (#6.1)" (1999)
[Ransom has proposed to surrender his crew to Voyager]
Captain Kathryn Janeway: Proceed.
Tom Paris: Ma'am?
Captain Kathryn Janeway: He's still a Starfleet captain. He may have forgotten that for a while; but I believe him.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Meld (#2.16)" (1996)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Harry, Harry, Harry! Never *ever* play with anyone, not even your best friend, if he says "Let's make it interesting".


"Star Trek: Voyager: The Gift (#4.2)" (1997)
Tom Paris: We've just dropped out of... whatever it was we were in.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Elogium (#2.4)" (1995)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: What was that all about?
Commander Chakotay: I'd call it an example of indiscreet shipboard fraternization.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Really. Sorry I missed it.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Ashes to Ashes (#6.18)" (2000)
Tom Paris: Now, let's see. For those of us keeping score, Harry Kim has fallen for a hologram, a Borg, the wrong twin, and now the dearly departed.
Harry Kim: We're friends, just like before. Er, all right, maybe there was a time when I thought of pursuing Lyndsay, but I closed the door on that, when we both got assigned to Voyager.
Tom Paris: Mm. Don't look now; but that door is creaking open.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Unity (#3.17)" (1997)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: You know, they ought to rename this place the 'Negative Expanse'. We haven't run across anything interesting for days.
Captain Kathryn Janeway: If you're bored, Mr. Paris, I'm sure I can find something else for you to do. The warp plasma filters are due for a thorough cleaning.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Now that you mention it, Captain, I find this region of space a real navigational challenge.


"Star Trek: Voyager: Favorite Son (#3.20)" (1997)
Lieutenant Tom Paris: I don't see what's so bad about being you. You're good at your job, everybody likes you.
Ensign Harry Kim: Being likable is fine, but sometimes I wish I could be more bold, confident with women, more like you.
Lieutenant Tom Paris: Like me? You might want to reconsider that, Harry, there could be prison time involved. Actually, since I've been on Voyager, I've tried to be more like you.
Ensign Harry Kim: That'll be the day!