J. Jonah Jameson
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Quotes for
J. Jonah Jameson (Character)
from Spider-Man (2002)

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Spider-Man 2 (2004)
J. Jonah Jameson: Come here. Parker, what do you know about high society?
Peter Parker: Oh... well, I...
J. Jonah Jameson: Don't answer that. My society photographer got hit in the head by a polo ball. You're all I got. Big party tonight for an American hero, my son the astronaut.
Peter Parker: [serious] Could you pay me in advance?
[Jameson laughs hysterically for a few seconds]
J. Jonah Jameson: You serious? What, pay you for just standing there? Tomorrow night, the planeterium, 8:00. There's the door.

J. Jonah Jameson: I'll give you $150.00 for all of them!
Peter Parker: $300.00.
J. Jonah Jameson: That's outrageous! Done. Give this to the girl.

J. Jonah Jameson: [John Jameson has just been left at the altar by Mary Jane] Call Debra.
Mrs. Jameson: The caterer?
J. Jonah Jameson: Tell her not to open the caviar.

Peter Parker: Mr. Jameson, please, isn't there any of these shots you can use? I really need the money.
J. Jonah Jameson: Awww. Miss Brant?
Miss Brant: Yeah?
J. Jonah Jameson: Get me a violin.

[repeated line]
J. Jonah Jameson: You're fired!

Miss Brant: [Walks in with Peter] Chief, I found Parker.
J. Jonah Jameson: 'Bout time, where were you? Crazy scientist blows himself up, and we don't have pictures!
Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: I heard Spider-Man was there.
J. Jonah Jameson: [annoyed] And where were you, photographing squirrels? You're fired!
Miss Brant: [Peter turns to leave] Chief, the planetarium party.
J. Jonah Jameson: Oh right, you're unfired, get back here!

J. Jonah Jameson: Take a shot of my wife with the Minister here...
[Both pose with Minister]
Mrs. Jameson: Beautiful tie!
J. Jonah Jameson: Ohh, no get a shot with the DA.
Mrs. Jameson: Beautiful dress!
[Both pose with DA]
J. Jonah Jameson: Oh here get a shot of the Mayor and his girlfriend... wife.
[Both pose with Mayor]

Garbage Man: [on bringing in Spider-Man's discarded costume] Now look, uh, I think I deserve a little something for this.
J. Jonah Jameson: Give ya fifty bucks.
Garbage Man: I could get more than that on eBay.
J. Jonah Jameson: All right, a hundred. Miss Brant, give this man his money and throw in a bar of soap.

Miss Brant: Boss, your wife's on the line, she said she lost her checkbook.
J. Jonah Jameson: Thanks for the good news!

J. Jonah Jameson: Get a picture of a rancid chicken. Headline, "Food Poisoning Scare Sweeps City!"
Hoffman: [walks in] Some food got poisoned?
J. Jonah Jameson: [glares over] I'm a little nauseous, yeah!

J. Jonah Jameson: [to Peter Parker] Get your pretty little portfolio off my desk before I go into a diabetic coma!

J. Jonah Jameson: Guy named Otto Octavius winds up with eight limbs. Four mechanical arms welded right onto his body. What are the odds?

J. Jonah Jameson: [speaking to his wife over the phone] Dear, we agreed to put on a wedding, not go into bankruptcy... Caviar? Who are we inviting, the czar? Get some cheese and crackers... some of those little cocktail weenies...

J. Jonah Jameson: [discussing his son's wedding with his wife over the phone] Flowers? How much? If you spend any more on this thing, you can pick the daisies off my grave! Get plastic!

[brainstorming a catchy 'super-villain' nickname for Dr. Otto Octavius]
J. Jonah Jameson: What are we gonna call this guy?
Hoffman: 'Doctor Octopus'?
J. Jonah Jameson: That's crap.
Hoffman: 'Science Squid'?
J. Jonah Jameson: Crap.
Hoffman: 'Doctor Strange'.
J. Jonah Jameson: That's pretty good.
[Hoffman looks proud]
J. Jonah Jameson: But it's taken! Wait, wait! I got it! 'Doctor Octopus'.
Hoffman: But... uh...
[gives up]
Hoffman: I like it.
J. Jonah Jameson: Of course you do. 'Doctor Octopus'. New villain in town: 'Doc Ock'.
Hoffman: Genius.
J. Jonah Jameson: What, are you looking for a raise? Get out!

J. Jonah Jameson: I drove Spider-Man away. My god, he was a hero. Spider-Man truly was an asset to this city. He was...
J. Jonah Jameson: [a whooshing sound is heard and Jameson turns around - realizing that the Spider-Man costume is gone] ... a criminal! That's who he is! A burglar! He stole my suit! I want Spider-Man!
[sees an open window]
J. Jonah Jameson: I WANT SPIDER-MAN!

Spider-Man (2002)
Peter Parker: You don't trust anyone, that's your problem.
J. Jonah Jameson: I trust my barber.

J. Jonah Jameson: If we can get a picture of Julia Roberts in a thong, we can certainly get a picture of this weirdo.

[the Goblin crashes through the Daily Bugle office]
Green Goblin: [grabbing Jameson by the throat] Jameson you slime! Who's the photographer who takes pictures of Spider-Man?
J. Jonah Jameson: I don't know who he is! His stuff comes in the mail!
Green Goblin: YOU'RE LYING!
J. Jonah Jameson: I swear!
Green Goblin: He's the one who can take me to him!
J. Jonah Jameson: I don't know who he is!
Green Goblin: [preparing to punch Jameson] You are useless you...!
Spider-Man: [appears upside-down outside the window] Settle down, tough guy.
Green Goblin: [drops Jameson and turns around on the glider] Speak of the Devil!

Hoffman: Mr. Jameson they are very important clients, they can't wait.
J. Jonah Jameson: They're about to.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man wasn't trying to attack the city, he was trying to save it. That's slander.
J. Jonah Jameson: It is not. I resent that. Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel.

J. Jonah Jameson: He doesn't want to be famous? Then I'll make him infamous.

Hoffman: We've got a page six problem.
J. Jonah Jameson: We've got a page one problem, shut up.

J. Jonah Jameson: No jobs! Freelance! Best thing in the world for a kid your age. You bring me some more pictures of that newspaper-selling clown, maybe I'll take 'em off your hands. But I never said you have a job. *Meat*. I'll send you a nice box of Christmas meat. It's the best I can do - get out of here.

J. Jonah Jameson: Hoffman, run down to the patent office, copyright the name "Green Goblin." I want a quarter every time someone says it.
Hoffman: How about "Green Meanie"?

Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: We sold out four printings.
J. Jonah Jameson: Sold out?
Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: Every copy.
J. Jonah Jameson: Tomorrow morning, Spider-man page one, with a decent picture this time...

J. Jonah Jameson: [about Peter's pictures of Spider-Man] They're crap. Crap, crap, megacrap. I'll give you two hundred bucks for all of 'em.

J. Jonah Jameson: Who is Spider-Man? He's a criminal that's who he is! A vigilante! A public menace! What's he doing on MY front page?

J. Jonah Jameson: [describing a headline] "Spider-Man, Hero or Menace? Exclusive Daily Bugle Photos".
Peter Parker: Menace? He was protecting that armored truck...
J. Jonah Jameson: Tell you what Atticus, you take the pictures, I'll make up the headlines! Ok? Is that ok with you?
Peter Parker: Yes sir.
J. Jonah Jameson: Goody.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Miss Brant: [beeps on speaker phone, shaking desk] Your blood pressure, Mr. Jameson. Your wife told me to tell you to watch the anger.
J. Jonah Jameson: YOU TELL MY WIFE...
[calms down]
J. Jonah Jameson: [speaks into phone] Thank you.
[turns to Hoffman]
J. Jonah Jameson: Continue.
Miss Brant: [buzzes phone and shakes desk again] Time to take your pill.
Miss Brant: [buzz] Not that one.
Miss Brant: [buzz] Not that one.
J. Jonah Jameson: [points to jar of pills]
Miss Brant: [nods and buzzes phone] Drink plenty of water.
J. Jonah Jameson: [sigh] Thank you.

Miss Brant: Your shots are so good.
Peter Parker: I'd love to shoot you sometime.
Miss Brant: Peter Parker... oh, Peter...
J. Jonah Jameson: Brant, that's not the position I hired you for!

Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: [examining photos] Black-suit Spider-Man! We gotta have these, Jonah.
J. Jonah Jameson: I'll pay you the usual rate.
Peter Parker: You want the photos, I'll take the staff job. Double the money.

J. Jonah Jameson: [referring to Eddie and Peter] You want a staff job, and you want a staff job, anybody care about what I want?
Hoffman: [opens Jameson's office door and quickly answers] I do.
J. Jonah Jameson: [calmly] Shut up. Get out.

J. Jonah Jameson: Parker? Parker, where - ? I need a photographer.
[looks at the girl with the camera]
J. Jonah Jameson: Hey, kid, you want a job?
Girl with Camera: Why would I wanna job? I'm just a kid.
J. Jonah Jameson: All right, how much for the camera?
Girl with Camera: One hundred bucks.
J. Jonah Jameson: A hundred bucks?
[looks up again]
J. Jonah Jameson: All right, you little crook. Here.
[gives the money to the girl and gets the camera]
J. Jonah Jameson: [tries to shoot, but the camera's empty] What the - ?
[looks at the girl]
Girl with Camera: Film's extra.

J. Jonah Jameson: [Catching Betty Brant and Peter Parker about to kiss] Parker! Miss Brant! That's not the position I hired you for!

J. Jonah Jameson: Well, we do have an opening. Johnson quit, remember?
Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: You fired him.
J. Jonah Jameson: Whatever.

"The Amazing Spider-Man: Spider-Man (#1.1)" (1977)
J. Jonah Jameson: [watching a special news alert on TV] This is a newspaper story, what are they doing with it?

Peter Parker: [referring to the mayor] Sir, would you like me to go and take a picture of him?
J. Jonah Jameson: Never mind, never mind! We've got enough pictures of the mayor to wallpaper the building!

J. Jonah Jameson: [about Spider-Man] What'd he look like?
Peter Parker: Oh, eh, like... like a spider.
J. Jonah Jameson: How many legs did he have?
Peter Parker: Well, two of course, he's a man.
J. Jonah Jameson: You just said he was a spider. Spider's have got lots of legs.

J. Jonah Jameson: Congratulations, Captain. Those men whould have flown away if you hadn't called their bluf.
Captain Barbera: Well, to tell you the truth, eh, I had a little help. That character in the clown suit, eh, he worked out pretty good.
J. Jonah Jameson: That freak! He ought to be locked up. Running around like a one-man army. I don't know where he came from, but I sure hope he goes back there.
Captain Barbera: Maybe you're right. People shouldn't interfere with the law. Let the police do that.
J. Jonah Jameson: Exactly. You men deserve all the credit for this job.
Captain Barbera: Well, if that's the way you're gonna put it in your paper, how can I stop ya?
[they laugh and pat each other on the back]

"The Amazing Spider-Man: Night of the Clones (#1.5)" (1978)
Peter Parker: [about Dr. Moon] Do you know what he was into? Cloning.
Rita Conway: [Rita has just entered J.J. Jameson's office] What's cloning?
J. Jonah Jameson: It's a new dance that Parker's gonna teach you, what do you want?

J. Jonah Jameson: Frogs? Frogs are page two news, Parker! Elevator crashes are page one!

J. Jonah Jameson: Beautiful people. Romance. Glamor. That's what sells newspapers!
Peter Parker: But I thought you just said that violence and action sells newspapers.
J. Jonah Jameson: I hope you're being funny...

Spider-Man 3 (2007) (VG)
Carlyle the Mad Bomber: [on the telephone] Hello, Jonah. This city is going to pay for what for what it did to me and by tomorrow morning it will burn!
J. Jonah Jameson: What? Who is this? And how did you get my direct line?

J. Jonah Jameson: Parker! Get your feet off of my desk!
Peter Parker: Hmm... what's the magic word?
J. Jonah Jameson: *Now*!
Peter Parker: I was think please but, whateva.

J. Jonah Jameson: Do you think I can't tell the difference between this and the real thing? I said I want pictures of giant lizards, not some man in a costume!

"The Amazing Spider-Man: The Deadly Dust: Part 2 (#1.3)" (1978)
J. Jonah Jameson: Spider-Man? You mean you got this from Spider-Man?
Peter Parker: Well, we. we sort of worked it out together, yes.
J. Jonah Jameson: I wouldn't believe anything that that weirdo tells me!
Gale Hoffman: I would.

Peter Parker: Why would the people with the bomb be in Los Angeles if they plan to explode it in Manhattan?
Gale Hoffman: Maybe they don't have the bomb at all?
Peter Parker: No, that's not it. We must be missing something.
J. Jonah Jameson: Yes. The last flight to New York!

"Spider-Man: The One-Eyed Idol/Fifth Avenue Phantom (#1.9)" (1967)
J. Jonah Jameson: There shouldn't be any women in the world! Only children, and men!

J. Jonah Jameson: Parker! Where'd he disappear to so fast? These teenagers! How come they always disappear the minute you mention work?

"The Amazing Spider-Man: The Kirkwood Haunting (#2.4)" (1978)
J. Jonah Jameson: I knew Kirkwood, we belonged to the same clubs. He was kind of a hot tempered guy, you know the type?
Peter Parker: Yeah, I sure do.

Peter Parker: Mr. Jameson, there is an entire department of parapsychology at the university. Now are they all idiots?
J. Jonah Jameson: Yes, they are! That's all a lot of bunk.

"The Simpsons: Moe'N'A Lisa (#18.6)" (2006)
Editor's Assistant: [about Moe's poem] Chief, we just got a submission from a brilliant poet no one's ever heard of.
J. Jonah Jameson: [reading it] Huh, huh. Hmmm! Genius! Pay him nothing and run it on the cover.
J. Jonah Jameson: [picking up the phone] Stop the presses! Send my wife some flowers and bring me an advil! What do you mean you don't work for me? You're hired! Now that you're hired, you're fired! Now that you don't work here, we can be friends! Now that we're friends, how come you never call? Some friend you are!
J. Jonah Jameson: [hangs up phone] God I love this business.

J. Jonah Jameson: [turns off the TV] Aw, that's sweet. I hate sweet! I need photos! Photos of Spider-Man!
Editor's Assistant: This is a a poetry journal!
J. Jonah Jameson: Okay then, *poems* about Spider-Man. And I want them finished before you start. And before you finish, get me some coffee! And the poems should have the following rhyme scheme: A-B-B-A-A-B-B-A-C-D-E-C-D-E. What are you waiting for, Chinese New Year?

"The Amazing Spider-Man: The Curse of Rava (#1.4)" (1978)
Professor John Rustin: Jonah, I think we should cancel the exhibit. That idol is a religious symbol to these Kalistanies. We don't have the right...
J. Jonah Jameson: [interrupting] Right? We have more than a right! We have a contract with the legitimate government of Kalistan!

J. Jonah Jameson: You did an excellent job, Captain.
Captain Barbera: Why thank you, sir. I'd like to take all the credit, but I have to admit I couldn't have pulled it off without Spider-Man.
Peter Parker: Oh, well, he'd be delighted to hear you say that, Captain, you mind if the Bugle quotes you on that?
J. Jonah Jameson: Not on your life! I'm not giving any recognition to some freak who runs around in a red and blue union suit!

Lego Marvel Super Heroes (2013) (VG)
J. Jonah Jameson: You understand the web, don't you?
Peter Parker: The web? Yeah, it's a job and a hobby.

J. Jonah Jameson: Doc Octopus? You're a real doctor, right? Cause I have a pain right here... down there... oh, and that bit over there, wow!
Doctor Octopus: Your cheap health plan doesn't cover office visits.

"The Amazing Spider-Man: Escort to Danger (#1.6)" (1978)
J. Jonah Jameson: Total loss, Parker! The car is a total loss!
Rita Conway: Well at least Peter wasn't hurt.
Peter Parker: Yeah, I'm fine.
J. Jonah Jameson: Well, you won't be for long. I should deduct the cost of that car from your paycheck.
Peter Parker: But Mr. Jameson, the newspaper has insurance. And besides, it wasn't my fault. Somebody else hit me, I told that to the police.
J. Jonah Jameson: This would never have happened if you had been riding a subway.

Peter Parker: Does that mean I don't get the car?
J. Jonah Jameson: [with escalating anger] Parker, you'll get a car from me the day that the Statue of Liberty rollerscates down Fifth Avenue!

"Spider-Man: Sins of the Fathers Chapter 4: Enter the Green Goblin (#3.4)" (1996)
J. Jonah Jameson: I have a responsibility to the public! I'm a journalist first and a stockholder second.

Green Goblin: I call this court to order. You are all charged with the crime of hypocrisy; a crime that destroyed Norman Osborn.
[J. Jonah Jameson]
Green Goblin: You claimed to be his friend, yet you filled your newspaper with stories to ruin his reputation!
J. Jonah Jameson: That's a lie!
Green Goblin: [to Anastasia Hardy] You called Osborn a threat to humanity, yet who was it who funded Dr Otto Octavius, one of the greatest criminals of all time?
Anastasia Hardy: You're mad!
Green Goblin: [to Fisk] And you, the worst of them all! Your sins are exceeded only by your girth!

"The Amazing Spider-Man: The Chinese Web: Part 1 (#2.7)" (1979)
Min Lo Chan: If you are thinking that you don't want to be involved, I understand.
J. Jonah Jameson: Min, you were always very good at calculus in college, and chemistry and physics. But as I recall, you were never very good at reading minds. I know you. I know you're not a thief. I know you're not a murderer. Of course I'll help you, if I can.

Emily Chan: [Emily is still angry at Peter and unwilling to trust him] Spider-Man told you?
Peter Parker: Yes, we're friends.
Julie Masters: It's true, they are.
J. Jonah Jameson: The Bugle has got lots of stories and photographs just because of Peter's relationship with Spider-Man.
Emily Chan: Well, I don't see what you and he have in common, but I don't doubt the two of you.

Spider-Man (2000) (VG)
J. Jonah Jameson: Listen, Gargan! It's a new millenium! Lots of high-tech! There may be some way we can get you out of that suit!
Scorpion: You put me in this suit! Now I'm going to make you pay!
[Scorpion swats his tail at Jameson, but he dodges it and it breaks a nearby window]
J. Jonah Jameson: Get over it, Gargan!
Scorpion: You ruined my life! So now I'll end yours!

[Spider-Man smashes through a window and finds Scorpion about to attack Jameson]
Spider-Man: Leave him alone, Chuckles!
Scorpion: Butt out, web-head!
J. Jonah Jameson: Spider-Man? I ask for the police and I get THIS?

"Ultimate Spider-Man: The Spider-Verse: Part 4 (#3.12)" (2015)
J. Jonah Jameson: Hey! Get off!
Spider-Man: I'm home!
[kisses the digital billboard]
J. Jonah Jameson: Ugh! Stop that, you wall-crawling weirdo!
Spider-Man: Sorry to kiss and run J.J., but I've got Goblin-sized trouble!

"Spider-Man: The Wedding (#5.1)" (1997)
J. Jonah Jameson: ['re: Peter's wedding] What about the cake? I know the top pastry chef in Queens!
Kingpin: And I know the Queen's top pastry chef.

Spider-Man 2 (2004) (VG)
J. Jonah Jameson: [to Peter Parker] You again? Let me see what you have.
J. Jonah Jameson: [takes Parker's pictures] They're crap. Did you leave the lens on when you took these?

"Spider-Man: Spiderman Meets Skyboy (#2.17)" (1969)
[after seeing the first photo of Skyboy on the front page of the Evening Star]
J. Jonah Jameson: Look at that, the biggest story of the year and we're scooped by the Evening Star! Well, Parker, what've you got to say for yourself? Any excuse?
Peter Parker: Golly Mr. Jameson, I... well, gee-whiz.
J. Jonah Jameson: I thought so. Goofing off, again. I just don't know, Parker. Why do I keep you on my payroll?
Peter Parker: But, I ...
J. Jonah Jameson: Enough! Get out there and get a picture of this mysterious new superhero battling Spider-Man, and don't let me see your face again until you do! Now, get out!

"Spider-Man: The Vulture's Prey/The Dark Terrors (#1.16)" (1967)
[a kidnapped J.J. Jameson is tied to clock tower gears]
J. Jonah Jameson: It's about time you showed up! Get me down from here!
Spider-Man: Say "please".
J. Jonah Jameson: Don't be ridiculous! Get me down!
Spider-Man: Pleeeeease?
J. Jonah Jameson: If you don't let me down, I'll... I'll...
Spider-Man: [walking away] Okay, see you later!
J. Jonah Jameson: Wait, Spider-Man, don't leave me here!
Spider-Man: [faces him] Eh, what did you say?
J. Jonah Jameson: I said?
J. Jonah Jameson: ?please?

Spider-Man: Edge of Time (2011) (VG)
J. Jonah Jameson: People idolizing that freak. Next thing you know there will be a musical about him with a chorus line of dancing Spider-Men.
Peter Parker: I'd pay to see that.

"The Spectacular Spider-Man: Survival of the Fittest (#1.1)" (2008)
J. Jonah Jameson: Robbie, where's my layout? Foswell, I ordered that rewrite 12 seconds ago! Lee,I'm not paying you to sit on your keister! And YOU!
Peter Parker: M-Me?
J. Jonah Jameson: Yeah, YOU! I sent you for my bagel and schmeer nine minutes ago!
Betty Brant: You sent Benny, Mr. Jameson, and it's only been three minutes.
Peter Parker: Uh, actually, sir, I've got something better than a bagel.
J. Jonah Jameson: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Peter Parker: A proposal. I think I can get you pictures. Photos of Spider-Man in action. I bet it would sell a lot of newspapers...
J. Jonah Jameson: What do you know about selling papers? You're a kid! Worse, you're a teenager. Miss Brant, call security. Get this wailing infant out of my face, out of my city room, OUT OF MY TOWN!
[to Robbie]
J. Jonah Jameson: Hey, what the Bugle needs is photos. Of Spider-Man. In action. Now, that would sell newspapers, huh?

"Spider-Man: The Revenge of Dr. Magneto/The Sinister Prime Minister (#1.10)" (1967)
J. Jonah Jameson: A statue! In my honor!
Betty Brant: [to herself] The pigeons will love it.

The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man (1999)
J. Jonah Jameson: Don't screw this up! I mean... uhh... good luck

"The Spectacular Spider-Man: The Uncertainty Principle (#1.9)" (2008)
[Robbies places a Daily Globe on Jonah's desk]
J. Jonah Jameson: And why should I care what the Globe runs on it's front page?
Robbie Robertson: Because their Spider-Man scoop, and Parker's pictures of it, slaughtered our space shuttle coverage at the newsstands.
J. Jonah Jameson: [Crumples the paper] The people have spoken. Get that traitor Parker in here and lock him to and exclusive deal. If they way Spider-Man, we'll give'em Spider-Man. Here's tomorrow's front page headline: "Spider-Man: Threat or Menace?"

"Spider-Man: Kraven the Hunter (#1.7)" (1995)
J. Jonah Jameson: [on Robbie's answering machine] Robbie, where the heck are you? The airline says your plane let out hours ago. What happened to you?
Spider-Man: How does "I was kidnapped by a crazed big game hunter" grab ya JJ?

"The Amazing Spider-Man: A Matter of State (#2.2)" (1978)
Peter Parker: [hangs up telephone] Another attempted break in at Julie's. Now do you believe me or do you need an affidavit?
J. Jonah Jameson: I don't care. I want you to get over to that flower show!
Peter Parker: Ok, just as soon as a I can. But for now, I'm going to Julie's. Just to make sure everything's alright.
J. Jonah Jameson: [shouting] I'm don't pay you to go to Julie's!