Alyssa Jones
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Quotes for
Alyssa Jones (Character)
from Chasing Amy (1997)

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Chasing Amy (1997)
Alyssa: Why are we stopping?
Holden: 'Cause I can't take this.
Alyssa: Can't take what?
Holden: I love you.
Alyssa: You love me?
Holden: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't-I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, 'cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. And all I ask, please, is that you just - you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

Alyssa: You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind of thing. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just *gets* you - it's so rare. My parents didn't really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.
Holden: Still am.
Alyssa: And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you *were* a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn't look. And for me that makes all the difference.
Holden: [pause] Well, can I at least tell people all you needed was some serious deep dicking?

Alyssa: Fuck you.
Banky Edwards: Not even if you let me video tape it.

Alyssa: I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore.

[Alyssa on the phone with Holden after she paged him]
Alyssa: One minute, five seconds; you are such my bitch.

Alyssa: Let me ask you a question. Can men fuck each other?
Banky Edwards: What, are you asking for my permission?
Alyssa: In your estimation.
Banky Edwards: Sure.
Alyssa: So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes.
Banky Edwards: Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, alright?

Alyssa: Are you an authorized dealmaker in this establishment? Do you have the power to negotiate?
Cashier: You wanna haggle over the price of your French Dip?

Alyssa: So, you've never been curious about men?
Holden: Curious about men? Well, I always wondered why my father watched Hee Haw.

[about Banky's argument with his grade school religion teacher]
Alyssa: How bad could it have been?
Holden: Well, have you ever seen a nun call a small child a fucking cunt rag?

Alyssa: Since most of these people are rooting for the home team, I'm gonna cheer for the visitors. I'm a big visitors fan. Especially the kind that make coffee for ya in the morning before they go!

Holden: Sorry about him, he's, uh, he's dealing with being an inker.
Alyssa: Oh... you trace.

Holden: Oh no, here's the big test. Quick Stop.
Alyssa: My best friend fucked a dead guy in the bathroom.
Holden: You know that girl?
Alyssa: I did, before she was committed.

Holden: They fuckin' used you!
Alyssa: No! I used them! You don't think I would've let it happen if I hadn't've wanted to? Do you? I was an experimental girl for Christ sake! Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, but unlike you I was not given a fucking map at birth, so I tried it all! That is until we, that's you and I, got together and suddenly I was sated!

Alyssa: [about Holden's new comic, "Chasing Amy"] Looks like a very personal story.
Holden: I finally had something personal to say.

Alyssa: She is such a cunt.

Alyssa: I remember those guys used to come over to my house almost everyday after school. They'd bug my sisters, look through my dad's closet for porno tapes, raid the fridge. They really took advantage of my parents never being home. This one day, Rick pulled his dick out and started chasing me around the house with it! Right in front of Cohee, man! I couldn't believe it!
Holden: Rick pulled his dick out? Really? What did you do?
Alyssa: [yells] I blew him while Cohee fucked me!
Holden: Excuse me?
Alyssa: That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? That's what this little cross-examination of yours is all about? God! Well, next time, try not to make it so obvious, alright? There's subtler ways of badgering a witness! Am I right?
Bystander: Jeez, man. Even I knew what you were getting at.
Alyssa: If you wanted some background information on me, Holden, all you had to do was ask. I would have gladly volunteered it. You didn't have to go playing Hercule-fucking-Poirot!
Bystander: [to his friend] I told you these were good seats!

Alyssa: Fucking is not limited to penetration, Banky. For me it describes any sex, when it's not totally about love. I don't love Kim, but I'll fuck her. I'm sure you don't love every girl you sleep with.
Banky Edwards: Some of them I downright loathe.

Alyssa: [to Holden] I like you, Holden. I haven't liked a man in a long time. And it's not because I'm a man hater or something like that. It's just been sometime that I've been exposed to a man that didn't immediately live into a stereotype of some sort. And I want you to feel comfortable with me, because I'd really like us to be friends.

Holden: [on the phone] What's up? I'm about to get on a train.
Alyssa: Oh, why?
Holden: Last minute invite to the Boston Cup.
Alyssa: Shit.
Holden: What?
Alyssa: Well my sister's at my parents and I was gonna go see her.
Holden: The one that wrote the book?
Alyssa: Yeah. But I was staying all weekend, I wanted to hang out with you. This sucks.
Holden: You know, umm... both of us don't have to go.
Holden: Really?
Holden: Yeah. Banky can do this by himself. And you know, it's not like we're on panels. It's just a signing appearance.
Alyssa: If you come and pick me up, I'll be your best friend.
Holden: Where's your apartment?

Holden: So what did you do last night?
Alyssa: Got laid.
Holden: [Skee ball flies out of his hand and breaks a pinball machine]

Holden: I suppose you're both wondering why I asked you over here tonight.
Banky Edwards: I just figured you'd wanna tell her to fuck off with me here so you wouldn't have to go through the story again later.
Alyssa: Fuck you
Banky Edwards: Not even if you let me videotape it
Holden: I'm only going to tell you this once. Shut up.

[at a Skee-ball arcade]
Alyssa: And this is where you take straight chicks on dates.
Holden: What, are you kidding? This place is like Spanish Fly! This'll probably be the first time I don't score afterwards.
Alyssa: I don't know, I'm starting to feel a tingle in my bottom.

Holden: I want us to be something that we can't be.
Alyssa: And what's that?
Holden: A normal couple.

Clerks: The Lost Scene (2004) (V)
Alyssa Jones: [upon seeing Randal] WHY did you have to bring him along?
Dante Hicks: He insisted on coming. He said he wasn't going to miss what was probably going to be the social event of the season.

Randall Graves: Hey, Finger Cuffs!
Alyssa Jones: Go to hell, Graves.

[upon learning that Caitlin had told everyone about Sang except him]
Dante Hicks: Damn Caitlin and her secrets.
[Caitlin and Alyssa once had a lesbian tryst]
Alyssa Jones: Oh, Dante. You have no idea.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)
Tricia Jones: [on "Bluntman and Chronic: The Movie"] Well! That was just another paean to male adolescence and its refusal to grow up.
Alyssa Jones: Yeah, sis. But it was better than "Mallrats". At least Holden had the good sense to leave his name off of it.
Tricia Jones: Why didn't Miramax option his other comic instead. You know, the one about you and him and your "relationship"?
Alyssa Jones: Oh, "Chasing Amy"? That would never work as a movie.
Tricia Jones: But...