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: [waking up in the middle of nowhere
] Oh, no... this is Earth... isn't it?
: [to Jane Foster
] The answers you seek shall be yours, once I claim what is mine.
: For the first time in my life, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do...
: You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy! Thor
: And you are an old man and a fool! Odin
: Yes... I was a fool, to think you were ready. Loki
: Father... Odin
: [to Loki
] HEY! Odin
: Thor Odinson... you have betrayed the express command of your king. Through your arrogance and stupidity, you've opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horror and desolation of war! You are unworthy of these realms, you're unworthy of your title, you're unworthy... of the loved ones you have betrayed! I now take from you your power! In the name of my father and his father before, I, Odin Allfather, cast you out!
] Jane Foster
: Describe exactly what happened to you last night. Thor
: Your ancestors called it magic...
[Thor skims through a book on Norse mythology
: ...but you call it science. I come from a land where they are one and the same.
] Jane Foster
: Who are you? Thor
: You'll know soon enough!
: Be warned, I shall uphold my sacred oath to protect this realm as its gatekeeper. If your return threatens the safety of Asgard, my gate will remain shut and you will be left to perish on the cold waste of Jotunheim. Volstagg
: Couldn't you just keep the bridge open for us? Heimdall
: Keeping the bridge open would unleash the full power of the Bifrost and destroy Jotunheim, with you on it. Thor
: I have no plans to die today. Heimdall
: None do.
: [to Jane
] I will return.
: You! What realm is this? Elfheim, Nilfheim? Darcy
: [frightened, pulls out a taser
] New Mexico? Thor
: You dare threaten Thor with such a puny weapon...?
[Darcy tasers him
: [to Jane
] What? He was freaking me out!
: This mortal form has grown weak. I need sustenance!
: Once I retrieve Mjolnir, I will return to you the items they stole from you. Deal? Jane Foster
: No. You think you're gonna just walk in and walk out ? Thor
: No. I'm gonna fly out.
: My friends, have you forgotten all that we have done together? Fandral, Hogun, who led you into the glorious of battles? Hogun
: You did. Thor
: And, Volstagg, who introduced you to delicacies so succulent you thought you'd died and gone to Valhalla? Volstagg
] You did. Thor
: And who proved wrong all who scoffed at the idea that a young maiden could be one of the fiercest warriors this realm has ever known? Sif
: I did! Thor
: True, but I supported you, Sif.
: [walking into a pet shop
] I need a horse! Pet Store Clerk
: We don't have horses. Just dogs, cats, birds. Thor
: Then give me one of those large enough to ride.
: Sif, you've done all you could. Sif
: [wounded from fighting the Destroyer
] NO! I'll die a warrior's death! Stories will be told of this day! Thor
: Live, and tell those stories yourself!
: So Earth is lost to us... Heimdall
: No. There is always hope. Thor
: Can you see her? Heimdall
] Yes. Thor
: How is she? Heimdall
: She searches for you.
: I would have words with my brother...
: Loki, this is madness! Loki
: Is it madness? Is it? IS IT? I don't know what happened on Earth to make you so soft! Don't tell me it was that woman?... Oh, it was. Well maybe, when we're done here, I'll pay her a visit myself!
[Thor and Loki continue fighting
[Thor approaches the Destroyer
: Brother, however I have wronged you, whatever I have done that has led you to do this, I am truly sorry. But these people are innocent, taking their lives will gain you nothing. So take mine, and end this.
[Thor brings a drunken Selvig home
] Jane Foster
: What happened? Thor
: He's fine! We drank, we fought - he made his ancestors proud! Jane Foster
: Put him on the bed. Erik Selvig
: [to Thor
] Oh, I still don't think you're the god of thunder. But you ought to be!
: Heimdall, open the Bridge! Heimdall, we need you now!
: You'll be a wise king. Thor
: There will never be a wiser king than you. Or a better father. I have much to learn. I know that now. One day, perhaps, I will make you proud. Odin
: You've already made me proud.
: [hanging from the edge of the Bifrost
] I could have done it, Father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us! Odin
: No, Loki.
[Loki stares for a moment, then loosens his grip
: Loki, no... NO!
[Loki falls into a wormhole
: Look at you. The mighty Thor! With all your strength! And what good does it do you now? Do you hear me, brother? There's nothing you can do!
[Thor smashes the Bifrost
: What are you doing? If you destroy the Bridge, you'll never see her again! Thor
: Forgive me, Jane!
: Why have you done this? Loki
: To prove to Father that I am a worthy son! When he wakes, I will have saved his life, I will have destroyed that race of monsters, and I will be true heir to the throne! Thor
: You can't kill an entire race! Loki
: Why not?... And what is this new found love for the Frost Giants? You, could have killed them all with your bare hands! Thor
: I've changed. Loki
: So have I. Now fight me!
: Why don't you tell her? How you sent the Destroyer to kill our friends, to kill me! Frigga
: What? Loki
: Well, I must have been enforcing father's last command. Thor
: You're a talented liar, brother. Always have been. Loki
: It's good to have you back. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy Jotunheim!
: So is this how you normally look? Thor
: More or less. Jane Foster
: It's a good look!
: Donald? I don't think you've been completely honest with me. Thor
: Know this, son of Coul. You and I, we fight for the same cause: the protection of this world. From this day forward, you can count me in as your ally, if... you return the items you have taken from Jane. Jane Foster
: Stolen. Agent Coulson
: Borrowed. Of course you can have your equipment back. You're going to need to need it to continue your research. Thor
: Would you like to see the bridge we spoke of? Jane Foster
: Uh... sure.
[grabs Jane, flies off
] Agent Coulson
: Wait, we need to debrief you!
: We're going to Jotunheim. Fandral
: What? This isn't like going to Earth, where you summon a little lightning and thunder and the mortals worship you as a god! This is Jotunheim!
[a wounded Heimdall collapses
: Get him to the Healing Room! Leave my brother to me.
[Odin appears in Jotunheim
: Father, we'll finish them together! Odin
: [fighting hospital interns
] You are no match for the mighty...
[an intern jabs a syringe into his butt, he passes out instantly
: You're very brave, for helping me. Jane Foster
: They stole my life's work, so I don't have much to lose.
: [about Jane
] I've seen the way she looks at you. If you hurt her... Thor
: I swear to you, I mean her no harm.
: My friends, I've never been happier to see you! But you should not have come. Fandral
: We've here to bring you home! Thor
: You know I can't come home. My father is... is dead, and I must remain in exile. Sif
: Thor, your father still lives!
[struck by the Destroyer
: [near death, to Jane
] It's all right, it's over... You're safe...
: [taking coffee for the first time
] This drink... I like it! Darcy
: I know, it's great right? Thor
: ANOTHER! Thor
: [throws the mug on the floor and shatters it
] Jane Foster
: [to the lady behind the counter
] Sorry, Izzie, little accident... Jane Foster
: [to Thor
] What was that? Thor
: It was delicious! I want another! Jane Foster
: You could have just said so! Thor
: I just did! Jane Foster
: I mean ask nicely! Thor
: I meant no disrespect. Jane Foster
: Alright, no more smashing. Deal? Thor
: You have my word.
: The house of Odin is full of traitors... Thor
: Do not dishonor my father's name with your lies! King Laufey
: Your father is a murderer and a thief! And why have YOU come, to talk of peace? You long for battle, you crave it! You're nothing more than a boy trying to prove himself a man!
[Jotuns surround the Asgardians
: Thor, stop and think. Look around you, we're outnumbered... Thor
: Know your place, brother! King Laufey
: You know not what your actions would unleash... I do. Go now, while I still allow it.
[Loki has to restrain Thor
: We will accept your most gracious offer. Come on, brother...
[Thor turns to leave
] Frost Giant Sentry
: Run back home, little princess. Loki
[Thor smashes down the Sentry
[Thor wakes up strapped to a hospital bed
: It's not possible...
: [to a doctor who put an IV on him
] How dare you attack the son of Odin!
[Thor is knocked down by a gargantuan SHIELD agent
: You're big. I've fought bigger.
: Jane, you have to get everybody out of here! Jane Foster
: What about you? Volstagg
: Thor's going to fight with us! Thor
: My friends, I am just a man. I'd only get in your way or worse get one of you killed. But you can help me gain time and get everyone to safety. GO!
: I will not fight you, brother! Loki
: I'm not your brother! I never was!
: Where are they? Thor
: Hiding! As cowards always do!
: What you seek, it's a bridge. Jane Foster
: Like, like an Einstein-Rosen Bridge? Thor
: More like a Rainbow Bridge. Jane Foster
: God, I hope you're not crazy.
[about the burglary
: The Jotuns must pay for what they have done! Odin
: They have paid, with their lives. The Destroyer did its work, the Casket is safe, and all is well. Thor
: All is well? They broke into the weapons vault! If the Frost Giants have stolen even one of these relics... Odin
: They didn't. Thor
: Well I want to know why! Odin
: I have a truce with Laufey, king of the Jotuns. Thor
: He just broke your truce! They know you are vulnerable! Odin
: What action would you take? Thor
: March into Jotunheim as you once did! Teach them a lesson! Break their spirits, so they would never dare try to cross our borders again! Odin
: You're thinking only as a warrior. Thor
: This was an act of war! Odin
: It was the act of but a few, doomed to fail. Thor
: Look how far they got! Odin
: We will find the breach in our defenses and it will be sealed. Thor
: As king of Asgard...! Odin
: BUT YOU'RE NOT KING! Not yet.
[Loki appears in front of a fuming Thor
: It's unwise to be in my company right now, brother. Today was to be my day of triumph! Loki
: It'll come, in time. If it's any consolation, I think you're right. About the Frost Giants, about Laufey, about everything. If they were able to slip past Asgard's defenses once, who's to say they won't try again? Next time with an army. Thor
: Exactly! Loki
: There's nothing you can do without defying Father.
[Thor looks at Loki
: No! No, no, no, no! I know that look! Thor
: It's the only way to ensure the safety of our borders! Loki
: Thor, it's madness!
: Why did you bring us back? Odin
: Do you realize what you've done, what you've started? Thor
: I was protecting my throne! Odin
: You cannot even defend your friends! How can you hope to protect the kingdom?
: There won't be a kingdom to protect if you're afraid to act! The Jotuns must fear me, just as they once feared you! Odin
: Have you forgotten everything I taught you? A warrior's patient! Thor
: While you wait and be patient, the Nine Worlds laugh at us! The old ways are done, yet you stand and give speeches while Asgard falls!
: Thank you, Jane.
[Thor, Loki, Sif and the Warriors Three meet Heimdall
: Leave this to me. Gatekeeper, we seek... Heimdall
: You're not dressed warmly enough. Loki
: I'm sorry? Heimdall
: You think you can deceive me. Loki
: You must be mistaken... Thor
: Enough! Heimdall, may we pass? Heimdall
: Never has an enemy escaped my watch until this day. I want to know how it happened. Thor
: And tell no one where we have gone until we return. Understand? Volstagg
: [to Loki
] What's the matter, silver tongue turned to lead?
: You think me strange? Jane Foster
: Yes. Thor
: Good strange, or bad strange? Jane Foster
: I'm not sure yet...
: Dr. Selvig, keep him away from the bars! Thor
: Where are we going? Erik Selvig
: To get a drink!
: I am sorry, I cannot take you. Thor
: Then this is where we say goodbye! Jane Foster, Dr Selvig, Darcy: farewell.
: At least make it a challenge for me!
[More Frost Giants enter the fray and put up a harder fight
: That's more like it!
[while interrogating Thor, Coulson steps out for a moment...
: Loki. What are you doing here? Loki
: [as a SHIELD agent
] I had to see you. Thor
: What's happened? Tell me, is it Jotunheim? Let me explain to Father... Loki
: Father is dead. Thor
: What? Loki
: Your banishment, the threat of a new war... it was too much for him to bear. You mustn't blame yourself. I know that you loved him. I tried to tell him so, but he wouldn't listen. It was so cruel to put the hammer within your reach knowing that you could never lift it. The burden of the throne has fallen to me now. Thor
: Can I come home? Loki
: The truce with Jotunheim is conditional upon your exile. Thor
: Yes, but... couldn't we find a way...? Loki
: And Mother has forbidden your return. This is goodbye, brother. I'm so sorry. Thor
: No. I am sorry. Thank you for coming here. Loki
: Farewell. Thor
[Loki leaves, just as Coulson returns
] Agent Coulson
: [having heard Thor
] "Goodbye?" I just got back.
: How do I look? Loki
: Like a king.
[Loki's clones surround Thor
[strikes Mjolnir and sends the real Loki tumbling
[Thor is smashing down Frost Giants
: Thor! Loki
: WE MUST GO! Thor
: Then go!
: You must return to Asgard! You have to stop Loki! Fandral
: What about you? Thor
: Do not worry, my friends. I have a plan.
[everyone falls back, Thor walks towards the Destroyer
: You know, I had it all backwards. I had it all wrong. Erik Selvig
: It's not a bad thing finding out that you don't have all the answers. You start asking the right questions. Thor
: For the first time in my life, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Erik Selvig
: Anyone who's ever going to find his way in this world, has to start by admitting he doesn't know...
: Do the Frost Giants still live? Young Thor
: When I am king, I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all! Just as you did, Father. Odin
: A wise king never seeks out war, but he must always be ready for it.
[walks off, his sons run after him
] Young Thor
: I'm with you, Father! Young Loki
: So am I! Odin
: Only one of you can ascend to the throne. But BOTH of you were born to be kings!
: [to Jane
] I gave you my word, that I would return.
: If we do nothing, they will destroy us!
: After all this time, now you come to visit me, brother? Why? To mock? Thor
: I need your help. And I wish I could trust you... Loki
: If you did, you'd be the fool I always took you for.
[council of war
: We need to find a way out of Asgard, to the Dark World. There are paths between the realms known only to a few... Thor
: Known only to ONE, actually.
: I will find a way to save us all...
[a megalith appears to fight Thor
: All yours... Thor
: [walks up to the monster
: I accept your surrender.
[Crowd howls with laughter. Thor smashes up the monster
: Anyone else?
[the Marauders all surrender
: Perhaps next time you should start with the big one!
] Jane Foster
: I saw you with the Avengers in New York! Thor
: I was defending the Earth! Jane Foster
: Is that your excuse? Thor
] Jane Foster
: It's not terrible...
: Every 5000 years the worlds align, allowing an ancient darkness to strike...
] Darcy Lewis
: Look at you. Still all muscly and everything! Thor
: ...Thank you.
[Thor arrives in Vanaheim to help Sif
: I've got this completely under control! Thor
: Is that why everything's on fire?
[Thor and Loki commandeer a Harrow
: Look, why don't you let me take over? I'm clearly the better pilot! Thor
: Is that right? Out of the two of us, which one can ACTUALLY fly?
[the Harrow takes out a building
: Not a word...
: [about Frigga
] You had her tricks, but I had her trust! Loki
: Trust? Was that her last expression, trust? While you let her die? Thor
: What good were you in your cell? Loki
: Who put me there? WHO PUT ME THERE? Thor
: YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHO! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL!
: [lets go of Loki
] She wouldn't want us to fight. Loki
: Well, she wouldn't exactly be shocked. Thor
] I wish I could trust you. Loki
] Trust my rage.
: Did she suffer? Thor
: I did not come here to share our grief. Instead I offer you the chance of a far richer sacrament... Loki
: Go on. Thor
: I know you seek vengeance as much as I do. You help me escape Asgard, and I will grant it to you. Vengeance. And afterward, this cell. Loki
: You must be truly desperate to come to me for help. What makes you think you can trust me? Thor
: I don't. Mother did. You should know that when we fought each other in the past, I did so with a glimmer of hope that my brother was still in there somewhere. That hope no longer exists to protect you. You betray me, and I will kill you. Loki
: Hm. When do we start?
: [tries to steer the boat into a tiny crevice in the mountain wall
] If it were easy, everyone would do it. Thor
: Are you mad? Loki
: This is so unlike you, brother. So... clandestine. Are you sure you wouldn't rather punch your way out? Thor
: If you keep talking, I might.
Dr. Erik Selvig
: Your brother isn't coming, is he? Thor
: Loki is dead. Dr. Erik Selvig
: Thank God... I'm so sorry.
: [aboard a Dark Elf ship
] I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing. Thor
: [looking at the controls, clearly lost
] I said 'how hard could it be.'
: How is she? Heimdall
: She's quite clever, your mortal. She doesn't know it yet, but she studies the Convergence as well. Even...
: What? Heimdall
: I can't see her
: Where do we go next? Thor
: Hogan, the peace is nearly won across the Nine Realms. You should stay here. Be with your people, where your heart is. Asgard can wait. Hogun
: You have my thanks. Thor
: As you have mine.
: [looks at Jane
] What I could do with the power flowing through those veins... Thor
: It would consume you.
: [on Jane
] Say goodbye. Thor
: Not this day! Loki
: This day, the next, a hundred years, it's nothing! It's a heartbeat. You'll never be ready. The only woman whose love you prized will be snatched from you. Thor
: And will that satisfy you? Loki
: Satisfaction's not in my nature! Thor
: Surrender's not in mine!
: You think you can stop this? The Aether can not be destroyed! Thor
: But YOU can!
[strikes Malekith with Mjolnir
: One son who doesn't want the throne, another who wanted it too much. Is this to be my legacy? Thor
: Loki died with honour. I shall try to live the same. Let THAT be your legacy. Odin
: I can not give you my blessing, nor can I wish you good luck. Even if I could, it could only come from my heart. Go.
[Thor offers up his hammer
: It is yours, if you are worthy enough to wield it. Thor
: I shall try to be. Thank you.
: [appears from Odin's guise
] No... thank YOU.
: Let me take Jane away from here. Malekith is sure to follow, capture her and draw out the Aether from her. But in doing so, he will be vulnerable, and then I can defeat him! Odin
: Malekith is sure to return, we have what we wants. And when he does, we will defeat him. Thor
: We can not fight an enemy we can not locate! Malekith could be right over us now, and we'd never know! How many Asgardian lives must we sacrifice? Odin
: AS MANY AS IS NEEDED! Till the last Asgardian falls, till the last drop of blood is shed! Thor
: What makes you so different from Malekith, then? Odin
: [mirthless laugh
] The difference, my son, is that I will WIN.
: [turns Thor into Sif
] Mmm, brother, you look ravishing! Thor
: It will not hurt any less when I kill you in this form. Loki
: Very well. Perhaps you prefer one of your new companions, given that you seem to like them so much.
[turns into Captain America
: Oh, this is much better. Costume's a bit much... so tight. But the confidence, I can feel the righteousness surging. Hey, you wanna have a rousing discussion about truth,honor, patriotism? God bless America...
: [holds up his shackles
] You still don't trust me? Thor
: Would you?
: ...No, I wouldn't!
: I will tell Father you died with honour. Loki
: I didn't do it for him.
: It's all my fault. If I hadn't found the Aether, your mother and brother would still be alive... Thor
: But if you hadn't come across it, Malekith would have found it quicker.
: The universe hasn't seen this marvel since before my watch began. Few can sense it, even fewer can see it. But while its effects can be dangerous, it is truly beautiful. Thor
: I see nothing. Heimdall
: Or, perhaps that is not the beauty you seek.
: [arrives at the prison breakout
] Return to your cells, and no harm will come to you! You have my word!
: Very well, you do not have my word.
: Who's Richard? Jane Foster
: I am a fool... Thor
: Stay with me. Stay with me!
: You can at least furnish me with a weapon. My dagger, something!
[Thor puts something in Loki's hands...
: At last, a little common sense.
[Thor handcuffs him
] And I thought you liked tricks.
Dr. Erik Selvig
: We can't get close to Malekith! Thor
: I can!
[heads towards Malekith with Selvig's devices
: Thor! After all this time now you come to visit me! Why? Have you come to gloat? To mock? Thor
: Loki, enough! No more illusions.
[illusion fades, everything in sight is broken, Loki is sitting on the ground looking devastated
: Now you see me, brother!
: [Jane's phone rings on Svartalheim with a rap song coming from it and Jane looks confusedly at Thor
: It's not me.
: Although the City seems to be humming along as usual, the mighty Thor is troubled... Thor
: I sense an aura of evil over the City. I feel it lurking, ready to pounce! I cannot pinpoint its presence... but whenever it strikes, Thor shall be ready!
: Far below, in a shadowy alley... Loki
: [watching the sky
] You would not be so confident, thunder god, if you knew your archenemy Loki was on earth once more!
: I dare not follow, I cannot gamble with Jane Foster's life. But how could they have known to capture her? No one on Earth suspects that I love her... on Earth... aha! Suddenly I realize who my true foe is!
: There is only one who could be behind Hyde and the Cobra: LOKI! This time nothing shall save him from my vengeance!
: Battle will avail you not, my foolish friend! My uru hammer shall absorb the flames and hurl them back at you, like THIS!
: And soon, with an indescribable rage, the mighty Thor storms across the rainbow bridge that links Earth with Asgard, and meets... Thor
: Heimdall! Stand aside, Heimdall! I must reach Loki! Heimdall
: Halt, son of Odin! Know you that your father has banished thee from Asgard? I have no wish to harm thee, but I have my orders! Thor
: With what weapon could you defeat the mighty Thor? Heimdall
: With this!
[draws his blade
: A sword of magic flames, against Thor's hammer. Which will triumph?
: No power on Asgard shall prevent me from finding Loki!
: Back! BACK! Or answer to the fury of my hammer!
: There... there's something lying in the rubble... it's Jane! She was trapped in the explosion! She's barely breathing! Her pulse is growing weaker! She's dying! Jane... my darling... you can't die... you mustn't! Jane!
[carries her out and places her on a bed
: She's sinking fast, but with all my power there is nothing I can do! Oh, mighty Odin, hear my words! In the name of Asgard, do not let this female perish! Narrator
: Will Odin relent, and aid his son? Or will he let Jane die, putting an end to their forbidden romance?
: She's sinking fast. All the might of Asgard cannot aid this mortal girl... but wait! There is still one chance! I have the power to make time stand still!
[swings his hammer clockwise
: I will create a time warp which will envelop this house!
: Hail, noble Odin! Thy undeserving son gives thee thanks! Narrator
: And with these words, the mighty god of thunder carries his love into the shining light of a new dawn!
Dr Don Blake
: You can go now, Jane, I won't need you anymore today... Nurse Jane Foster
: You might need me if you decided to take a girl out to danc...
[is pulled out a window
] Nurse Jane Foster
: DON! HELP! Dr Don Blake
: JANE! It was the Cobra... only Thor can save her!
[changes into Thor
: There is no place the Cobra can hide, that Thor can't find him!
: Thor! You dare force your way back to Asgard, against my imperial command? Do you compel me to do battle, with my own son? Thor
: A thousand pardons, noble father! I did what a warrior must do! An innocent life depended on my finding Loki! I could not shed that risk! Loki
: Words! Naught but hollow words! Odin
: Forbore! I have heard enough... Odin
: [to Thor
] Back to Earth with you! I shall suspend my judgment until you return! Begone!
: [to Jane
] When the time warp is lifted, adored one, I shall try to save you with every ounce of skill I possess! If I fail, then we both shall perish!
: Hyde! Cobra! Now you will feel the vengeance of Thor!
: Attack me at will! I'll crush you both!
: So, capturing this puny female was enough to bring you back to me! Stay back! Come no further if you value her life! Thor
: Do not harm the girl! I make no move!
: If I were foolhardy enough to fight you, you would defeat me. But you cannot strike at one who stands quietly before you. your stupid honour would not permit it! Thor
: Take heed, evil one, I have my breaking point!
: My first concern is to free the girl! But then, hated one, I shall return and repay you! Loki
: My shrewdness and cunning will ever be more than a match for your brute strength!
: The walls are reversing! They're closing in on me! But nothing can crush my uru hammer!
[smashes the wall
: And nothing can keep me from finding Jane!
: What was that? Something slithered by, too fast to see!
: Now sleep, my beloved. I hear the two evil ones returning, and I must do battle once more!
: How amused the immortals of Asgard would be to see the god of thunder changing wires like an Earth-bound electrician...
[a sword appears in front of Thor
: It is the glistening sword of Balder! Can this be the miracle I dare not hope for?
: Bruce Banner, I know thee to be a man of honor. I know thee to be a hero. The lives at stake are not your concern, not even human, but I ask you anyway. Be that hero now. Bruce Banner
: No, I can't.
: Curse you, Loki, for convincing me to bring this creature to my realm! Thor
: Stay your hand, Hela! We shall retrieve the Hulk! Loki
: WE? The Hulk's fists have addled your mind, Thunderer! Thor
: Fight with me, brother, or die alone! Loki
: Not much of a threat, considering we're already in Hel...
: FOR ODIN! FOR ASGARD!
[hurls Mjolnir at the Hulk
: Enough of this ridiculousness! To think that Loki, Prince of Darkness, should waste his time with defending Asgard!
[Loki raises his arms to enact a spell, but Thor stops him
: Nay, brother! We leave together, for you still have much to answer for! Hela
: Indeed. You both do. For today Hela has relinquished a soul, and she demands one in exchange! Thor
: You may try to take my soul, death goddess, but I will make you fight for it. And your realm has suffered much already this day. Hela
: You speak the truth. So I shall take *his* soul instead! Loki
[souls break out of the ground and grab Loki's ankles
: Thor! I helped you! Thor!
[Loki is dragged into a crevasse
: I could fight you for Loki's soul. Hela
: *Will* you?
: No. Hela
: He is my father; his stay will *not* be eternal. But know this, Odinson: your soul *will* be mine, and I will keep it forever! Thor
: We shall see!
: [trying to pick up Mjölnir, through the Hulk
] I... will... have... this... hammer! Thor
: [mystically summons the hammer back to him
] Nay. You shall have its *thunder*!
: [badly injured
] Thor, the creature... unlike anything I've ever seen... Thor
: Aye, my friend, but this is no immortal evil we face now. The Hulk has come to Asgard.
: [battling the Hulk
] Why have you come here? Loki
: [speaking through the Hulk
] Why, to kill you, of course, dear stepbrother! Thor
[Loki throws Thor through a wall
: [throwing punches
] I have waited an eternity for this: to crush you with my bare hand, to match your might, to feel your life fade away at my hands...
: [to Loki
] You and I are going to Hel...
[Balder sounds his trumpet
: 'Tis Balder's horn... but this is not right. Asgard's enemies are all defeated! Thor
: And yet the alarm has sounded.
[Thor readies himself for battle
: Stay at Odin's side! Should I fail to meet this threat, you must protect him!
[Thor flies away
: But if Thor should fall, what will become of Asgard?
[after striking the Hulk with lightning
: Doest thou yield, Loki?
: Doctor Banner! Can you hear me inside the beast?
: Amora... Amora
: Yes, my love...?
[Thor picks up his hammer
: Where... is... Loki?
: [watching the Hulk
] What is that monster doing? It marches towards Odin.
[Thor breaks into Loki's hideaway
: Loki! I would have words with you! Loki
: No! You were at Hela's door! I defeated you!
: The Hulk shall be sent back to Midgard, and then you shall answer to Odin! Loki
: Fine! Take the creature! It provided me with amusement enough, seeing him pummel you nigh-unto death!
[Amora discovers Bruce Banner has been slain by Loki
: You... you fool, you've killed him! Do you know what you've done? Because the mortal died here, Hela claimed his soul! Without his soul, I cannot return him to Midgard! Without Bruce Banner... the Hulk cannot leave Asgard!
: [choking Loki
] I saw the beast's eyes, brother. It will not stop until all of Asgard is destroyed, until Odin has been broken! You have brought about a new Ragnarok down upon us all! Loki
: It's possible I made a poor choice...
[Thor and Loki arrive in the Nordic Underworld
: Long have I wished never to visit this realm... Loki
: I always forget how busy a time the Odinsleep is for my daughter. Dost thou see any newly arrived friends here, brother? Thor
: Have a care, Loki, lest ye stay here!
[Thor and Loki meet Hela, queen of the Norse underworld
: Hail Hela, goddess of the dead. Hela
: The sons of Odin risk much entering my realm... Thor
: The Nine Worlds of Asgard are in great peril, including Hel and Middle-Earth. A new Ragnarok is upon us. We need your help. We need Bruce Banner.
[Hela dismisses her guards
: The mortal's soul is MINE, Asgardian. As yours nearly was this very day, and may well be again... Thor
: You would risk everything for the sake of one soul? Hela
: As YOU yourself would do, Odin's son. Loki
: Ah, but you do not have a soul, daughter. You have HALF a soul, you have Bruce Banner. You need the Hulk to complete your prize...
[the Hulk grabs Thor and Loki in a deadlock
] Bruce Banner
: Hulk! Let them go! I'm the one you want!
[the Hulk charges at Banner, who fuses with him
: You called him weak, Loki, but there is more strength and courage in that man than you will ever know!
: You people are so petty... and tiny.
: Thor, what's his play? Thor
: He has an army, called the Chitauri. They're not of Asgard or any world known. He means to lead them against your people. They will win him the Earth. In return, I suspect, for the Tesseract. Steve Rogers
: An army. From outer space. Bruce Banner
: So he's building another portal. That's what he needs Erik Selvig for. Thor
: Selvig? Bruce Banner
: He's an astrophysicist. Thor
: He's a friend. Natasha Romanoff
: Loki has them under some kind of spell. Along with one of ours. Steve Rogers
: I wanna know why Loki let us take him. He's not leading an army from here. Bruce Banner
: I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him. Thor
: Have a care how you speak! Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard and he is my brother! Natasha Romanoff
: He killed eighty people in two days. Thor
: He's adopted.
: You think you could make Loki tell us where the Tesseract is? Thor
: I do not know. Loki's mind is far afield. It's not just power he craves, it's vengeance, upon me. There's no pain would prise his need from him. Nick Fury
: A lot of guys think that. Until the pain starts. Thor
: What are you asking me to do? Nick Fury
: I'm asking, what are you prepared to do? Thor
: Loki is a prisoner. Nick Fury
: Then why do I feel like he's the only person on this boat that wants to be here?
: We on Asgard pretend that we are more advanced, but we, we come here battling like Bilgesnipe. Agent Phil Coulson
: Like what? Thor
: The Bilgesnipe, you know; huge, scaly, big antlers. You don't have those? Agent Phil Coulson
: Don't think so. Thor
: They are repulsive, and they trample everything in their path.
: I have unfinished business with Loki. Clint Barton
: Yeah? Get in line.
: Do not touch me again! Tony Stark
: Then don't take my stuff. Thor
: You have no idea what you are dealing with. Tony Stark
: Uh, Shakespeare in The Park? Doth mother know you weareth her drapes? Thor
: This is beyond you, metal man. Loki will face Asgardian justice. Tony Stark
: He gives up the Cube, he's all yours. Until then, stay out of the way, tourist.
: I thought humans were more evolved than this. Nick Fury
: Excuse me, did WE come to YOUR planet and blow stuff up?
: Loki, turn off the Tesseract or I will destroy it! Loki
: You can't! There's no stopping it. There is only the war! Thor
: So be it!
: Where is the Tesseract? Loki
] I missed you too. Thor
: Do I look to be in a gaming mood? Loki
: Oh, you should thank me. With the Bifrost gone, how much dark energy did the Allfather have to muster to conjure you here, your precious Earth? Thor
: I thought you dead. Loki
: Did you mourn? Thor
: We all did. Our father... Loki
: YOUR father! He DID tell you my true parentage, did he not? Thor
: We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that? Loki
: I remember a shadow, living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss, I who was and should be king! Thor
: So you take the world I love as recompense for your imagined slights? No, the Earth is under MY protection, Loki! Loki
] And you're doing a marvelous job with that! The humans slaughter each other in droves, while you ideally threat. I mean to rule them. And why should I not? Thor
: You think yourself above them? Loki
: Well, yes. Thor
: Then you miss the truth of ruling, brother. A throne would suit you ill. Loki
: I've seen worlds you've never known about! I have grown, Odin's Son, in my exile! I have seen the true power of the Tesseract, and when I wield it... Thor
: Who showed you this power? Who controls the would-be-king? Loki
: I AM a king! Thor
: Not here! You give up the Tesseract! You give up this pointless dream!... You come home.
: ...I don't have it.
[Thor threatens Loki with his hammer
: You need the cube to bring me home, but I've sent it off, I know not where. Thor
: You listen well, brother. I...
[Thor is knocked off the mountain by Iron Man who tackles him in mid-flight
: I'm listening.
: You speak of control, yet you court chaos. Bruce Banner
: It's his M.O., isn't it? I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no. We're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're... we're a time-bomb. Nick Fury
: You need to step away. Tony Stark
: Why shouldn't the guy let off a little steam? Steve Rogers
: You know damn well why! Back off! Tony Stark
: Oh, I'm starting to want you to make me.
[Captain America throws his shield between Iron Man and Thor, stopping their fight in the woods
] Steve Rogers
: Hey! That's enough!
[Captain America looks at Thor
] Steve Rogers
: Now, I don't know what you plan on doing here. Thor
: I've come here to put and end to Loki's schemes! Steve Rogers
: Then prove it! Put the hammer down. Tony Stark
: Um, yeah, no! Bad call! He loves his hammer!
[Thor knocks Iron Man back with his hammer
: [to Cap
] You want me to put the hammer down?
[Captain America ducks and holds up his shield as Thor leaps at him, blocking Thor's blow. The impact of the hammer on the vibranium shield creates a massive shockwave, knocking Thor off his feet
] Steve Rogers
: Are we done here?
: Does Loki need any particular kind of power source? Bruce Banner
: He'd have to heat the cube to a hundred and twenty million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier. Tony Stark
: Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunnelling effect. Bruce Banner
: Well, if he could do that, he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet. Tony Stark
: Finally, someone who speaks English. Steve Rogers
: Is that what just happened?
[Stark and Banner shake hands
] Tony Stark
: It's good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster. Bruce Banner
: Thanks. Nick Fury
: [to Stark
] Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube. I was hoping you might join him. Steve Rogers
: Let's start with that stick of his. It may be magical, but it works an awful lot like a Hydra weapon. Nick Fury
: I don't know about that, but it is powered by the cube. And I'd like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys. Thor
: Monkeys? I do not understand. Steve Rogers
: I do!
[Stark rolls his eyes, while Captain America looks proud of himself
] Steve Rogers
: I understood that reference.
[Thor has his arms wrapped around Hulk's right arm and he is trying to fight back the Hulk's attack
: We are not your enemies, Banner! Try to think!
[Hulk lifts his arm up, to Thor's surprise, and he sends him flying as he punches Thor's face with his left fist
: I'd like to know why SHIELD is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction. Nick Fury
: Because of him!
[points at Thor
: Me? Nick Fury
: Last year, Earth had a visit from another planet that had a grudge match that leveled a small town. We learned that only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, hilariously outgunned. Thor
: My people want nothing but peace with your planet! Nick Fury
: But you're not the only ones out there, are you? And you're not the only threat. The world is filling up with people that can't be matched, that can't be controlled! Steve Rogers
: Like you control the cube?
: Your work with the Tesseract is what drew Loki to it... and his allies. It is a signal to the Realm that Earth is ready for a higher form of war! Nick Fury
: Higher form? You forced our hand! We had to come up with some way that we could... Tony Stark
: A nuclear deterrent? Cause that always works well... Nick Fury
: Remind me how you made your fortune, Mr Stark.
: I'm looking for a man... Thor
] You have found one! Jack McGee
: This is a particular man. Thor
: Oh, I am a particular man... and I do not like your face.
: This will send you back to hell you ugly troll!
: When the troll's upon you, you're a mighty fighter. Doctor David Banner
: You're not so bad yourself. Thor
: I know.
[David looks out his window, and sees Jack McGee
] Donald Blake
: What is it? David
: Trouble. Thor
: Is there any drink in this alchemist's den?
: [outside the pub, drunk
] Thor, can you drive my car? Thor
: By Oden, I can try! Donald Blake
: Never mind, forget it, I'm crazy. We'll just take a cab.
: [Yelling at Jack McGee
] You look like a rat-tailed Saxon to me, or a thieving Celt!
[Fouche drives a car and tries to run Thor down
] Donald Blake
: Watch out for the - the car!
[Thor sees a car driving right at him and he smiles. Thor then throws his hammer Mjolnir at the car
[Thor looks around the Joshua Lambert Institute laboratory and then he looks at Donald Blake and David Banner
: Your century's version of hell, eh, Blake? Donald Blake
: Is *this* a hallucination?
[David, still shocked, shakes his head
: And this must be Banner the Warlock. All in good time.
[Thor holds out his hand, Blake gives Thor his hammer and Thor walks off to a control panel
: First things first. Donald Blake
: What're you doing? Thor
: I'm thirsty. Donald Blake
: What're you doing? Thor
: I'm *thirsty!*
[Thor grabs a console panel with his hands
] Doctor David Banner
: Don't let him touch those panels, Don!
[Thor pulls a panel off a control console and a burst of sparks shoot out
] Doctor David Banner
: Stop him! He'll wreck everything, Don! Make him stop! Donald Blake
: You maniac! Hold it for a second! Thor
: Drink! Is there nothing to drink in this alchemist's den? Donald Blake
: I seriously doubt it.
[after yelling at Thor, David closes his eyes and tries to calm down
] Doctor David Banner
: I must not lose control. Donald Blake
: David, he - he, he's harmless! Thor
: Is he praying? Donald Blake
: I'm sending you back, give me that hammer! Thor
: *Wait!* I won't hurt him!
[Thor looks at David, who has his eyes closed and is trying to keep calm
: All right, look, you. Blake says that you are wise in many things, but if you show him how to cut the cord that Odin has spun between us... Donald Blake
: Thor, hold it! Thor
: - or if your witchcraft should harm Blake, then I lose my chance to enter Valhalla! And you have never seen anger...
[Thor stops as he sees David isn't listening, and he looks at Blake
: He is praying.
: David, it's okay...
[David opens his eyes and he looks at Thor
] Doctor David Banner
: Go away. Leave me alone, please. You just don't understand. You don't know what could happen, *please.*
[Thor starts lightly pushing David back, slowly pushing him him into the main control area
: Go away, eh? Donald Blake
: Don't push him! Thor
: Leave you be, eh? Donald Blake
: Stop it! Thor
: Sounds more like insult than hospitality! Donald Blake
: What're you doing, you jerk? Thor
: An insult is something I can always understand! Donald Blake
: Don't push him!
[Thor grabs David by the collar and he is struggling to keep calm
] Doctor David Banner
: Don't make me angry. Thor
: He's braver than I thought, Blake! Donald Blake
: Stop it, damn it!
[Thor swats David away as he faces Blake
: Leave me...
[after David collides onto a control unit and screams while he is electrocuted, Thor rushes over to pull David away and then he throws David to the floor
: [Blake goes to David and rolls him onto his back, but Blake backs away when he sees David's pupils are white and he is about to start changing into the Hulk
: Odin's beard. Donald Blake
: Good God.
[after the Hulk roars at Blake and Thor, Thor smiles with excitement
: ODIN! Donald Blake
: No, Thor, that's David! Give me the hammer!
[Blake reaches for Thor's hammer, but he pushes Blake aside and starts to charge at the Hulk
] Donald Blake
: Give me the hammer! Thor
: If he wants a fight, he'll *get* one!
[after being summoned in David's apartment, Thor smiles
: Thank you, Odin.
[Thor looks at Blake and reaches for his hammer, but Blake pulls it away
] Donald Blake
: Hold it, big fella! I need some answers from you! I want to ask you some questions! Thor
: You want, you need. I want a drink!
[Thor tries to walk off, but Blake stands in front of him
: Mead. Oh, what you call "beer" will do. It's thin stuff, but it's better than nothing at all. And food. My stomach is twisted around my spine! I want it full! Donald Blake
: Food later, questions now! Okay?
[Thor is silent
] Donald Blake
: Okay. David, that man you met. Thor
: The troll I fought, you mean! Could he fight! Donald Blake
: Yeah, that part of him can fight. The other part of him can *think*. Now how do you think those qualities are divided between you and I, you Buick on stilts?
[Thor looks upset and Blake quickly looks nervous
: That's an insult, isn't it?
[Thor starts to walk to Blake and Blake slowly backs away, trying to look brave
] Donald Blake
: Uh... yeah. That might be considered an insult.
[after Blake insults him, Thor smiles and laughs
: Blake, you have courage and wit!
[Thor puts his hand on the side of Blake's neck firmly
: Now *there* is a side of you I like... Odin knows why. Donald Blake
: Yeah. Odin. That's what I want to talk to you about. Why are we... Thor
: Do you know what it is like to be without flesh, Blake? Donald Blake
: No, I don't.
[with his back to Blake, Thor takes off his helmet with his hands and then he turns to Blake, upset
: Without flesh that you can feel? Without blood pumping through your limbs, with no heart and no chest *to hold it?*
[as he walks to Blake, Thor sets his helmet on the table
: And still at the same time to be awake. Not sleeping. Not dead. Not anything. A place of mist and smoke, darkness. Alone, as if in some... terrible dream. And then... then, Blake... to hear the call. Like a war horn in battle. And then, to awaken as you were, when men and women ate life with shining teeth!
[Thor smiles and Blake looks confused as Thor's smile fades and Thor sadly pauses
: None of them are left now.
[Blake looks away and looks down, a little sad
: But I am what I always will be. And I need to drink. Eat. Laugh with a woman, fight with a man! Just a taste, Blake, and then - then you can ask questions until Odin's missing eye returns! Donald Blake
: I, I didn't - I never thought about it that way. I didn't - I didn't begin to know what it was like. I didn't know. But still, how are we... Thor
: How? *Why?* How am I here, now?
[Blake thinks about it for a moment, he smiles and then chuckles
] Donald Blake
: Thor, you actually have a point there.
: Odin made you my guide in this place, and for *humility's* sake, I must follow your lead. Hell, then *lead!*
[Thor opens the door to David's apartment, holding a mug of beer and wearing only a bath towel around his waist, and McGee looks at Thor with shock
: What is it that you pound on my door with such insolence? Jack McGee
: Insolence? No! Um... I, uh - I'm, uh, looking for a man... Thor
: You have found one!
[Thor takes a sip from his beer mug
] Jack McGee
: Yeah, but this is a particular man. Thor
: Oh, *I* am a particular man. Jack McGee
: Name's, uh, Banion.
[Thor starts walking outside and McGee backs away
: Especially about those that I speak with. And I do *not* like your face! Jack McGee
: A D. Banion. Thor
: You look like a rat-tailed Saxon to me or a thieving Celt!
[McGee stops walking, now halfway down the hall
] Jack McGee
: I - I just came up here looking for this Banion... Thor
: Well, then you have found him, mush-spine! I am Banion! Jack McGee
: You - *you're* Banion?
[Thor looks at McGee and drinks his beer
] Jack McGee
: Well, I, uh - this must be a, uh, *another* Banion. Uh, I'm sorry to have bothered you. Ha-have a nice day.
[McGee turns and walks off. Thor laughs and he walks into David's apartment, shutting the door behind him
: I'm learning to be subtle. The enemy retreats with never a blow struck! Donald Blake
: Yeah, real subtle.
: Little knowing of the strange reception which awaits him, Thor hurtles toward Asgard...
[Thor arrives in the presence of his father
: Hail, most noble father!
[Odin is silent
: If my father hath no desire to converse, then I shall return to Earth! Odin
: I say thee, NAY! Thor
: The fury in your eyes... the thunder in your voice... Father! You know! Odin
: Not for nothing am I Odin the All-Wise!
: For one brief instant of eternity, a god has dared to love a mortal. Till the universe crumbles, my heart is ever thine!
: Yield, thunder god! Thor
: Has thy lust for battle diminished? Hercules
: Nay, it is just beginning!
[Thor hurls debris at Hercules
] You missed me! Thor
: [slugging him
] But not this time! Hercules
: [striking back
] Now it is my turn! Feel the might of Hercules!
: My hammer against your mace, you'll see which is the greater! Hercules
: Never have I tasted defeat!
: While mighty Thor, the thunder god, is visiting Asgard, he gets a psychic message from planet Earth concerning Jane Foster, learning she is confined to the hospital. Fretting at this news, Thor petitions his father, the lordly Odin, for permission to return to Earth. Odin reluctantly agrees, and immediately Thor is on his way! Thor
: I must reach Jane at once! Narrator
: Unerringly, Thor's mighty hammer draws him to Jane's hospital room. Thor
: I have found her. Doctor
: She should have recovered by now. I don't understand it. Thor
: What could have happened during my absence! I must find out!
Dr Don Blake
: Jane, listen, you've got to understand... I can't bear to see you hurt...
[makes up his mind
] Dr Don Blake
: I'll prove my love! Look at me, Jane Foster, I command you!
[raises his cane
] Dr Don Blake
: Forgive me, Father, I do what must be done!
[strikes the cane and becomes Thor
] Nurse Jane Foster
: Thor! What... oh, Don...! Thor
: Now behold Thor, son of Odin, god of thunder, who truly loves you, Jane Foster!
: Balder! Come you to my side! Balder
: You called, sire?... Thor! My friend who is more than brother to me, I embrace thee! Odin
: Silence, courageous one! There is a task to be done: my son has betrayed his trust, he must endure the Ritual of Steel! Smite him! Smite him, loyal Balder! And should he survive, he shall nevermore set foot upon the planet Earth! Thor
: No, father! I beg you, hear my words! Punish me as you will, but I cannot forsake my heart! My strength, my limbs, my very life are in thy service, sire, but even the thunder god has the right to love! Odin
: Still thy tongue! Thou hast no choice: Odin has spoken!
[warriors surround Thor
: No! Not all the blaze in Asgard, not all the power of the universe shall hold me now! Narrator
: Then, like a thunderclap, the Ritual of Steel begins! But Thor is one... and he faces an army!
: [to Jane
] How came you here with him? Answer me! Hercules
: None may ignore the son of Zeus!
[knocks down Thor
: And none may speak so to a favoured female of Hercules! Thor
: Brazen one, prepare to defend thyself! Now, Hercules, we shall see whose female she is! Hercules
: And may the best immortal win! Narrator
: And the battle of the titans begins! When two immortals engage in combat, what can be the outcome?
: My strength is supreme! Hercules
: Your CONCEIT is supreme! The mortal female deserves better than a dullard such as thee! Thor
: Not so! No one shall stand between me and my beloved Jane, not even Odin my royal father!
: In the name of Olympus! Thor
: For the glory of Asgard!
: Although we're only on page two, something must turn up soon!
Beta Ray Bill
: I'm the cleaning crew of the space station Scuttlebut. Thor
] Thou said 'scuttle'.
Beta Ray Bill
: Hey! You know how hard it is to get carbon scoring off this thing? Thor
: Get not thy space knickers in a bind, friend Bill. How many soldiers are they?
: Ah, battle, I have missed thee so.
: Well, I don't like to brag, so you tell me what was most awesome?
: Time to kick some blast.
: [kisses his arm muscles
] I have no need of mine hammer when I have mine guns. Sir Rockington and... Larry.
: I'm working on a better name. Leave me alone.
: Zounds! Never knew Mjolnir could do thus. 'Tis an alternate dimension thing. Or... sloppy continuity.
: A Norse is a Norse. Beta Ray Bill
: Of course, of course.
: No, children, let's not do that. It's all fun and games until someone activates the self-destruct. Don't make me hurl the time-out hammer.
: Tiny Squaddies show trace energy from another dimension. A dimension called "Limbo." Thor
] Limbo. The forbidden dance of bending over backward.
: The Super Hero Squad swiping my time machine? Thor
: Swiping? Nay, borrowing. Ms. Marvel
: Commandeering. We left a quarter on the dresser. Dr. Doom
: You jerks!
: After careful consideration, I have decided to destroy you. Any last words? Old Ms. Marvel
: Music is too loud. Old Thor
: Cartoons were better back in my day. Dr. Doom
: Ha! Now that's comedy.
: I know not how to explain what I'm seeing, so I'm just going to shut my mouth and look surprised.
: Can I be in your video? Thor
: Nay, witch. Thou dost headbang like a girl. Now be gone, less thou ditract from my mighty rocking. More cowbell! Thus spoke Thor.
: Odin, my father. What brings thine enormous and disturbingly transparent head to Earth? Odin
: Be not a doofus, child. Frigga, your mother, is concerned. Thou must meet a nice Asgardian girl and soon, or even an Olympian girl, as long as she is mythic. Thor
: This again.
: Hark, yo and so forth. Crankypants and Valkyrie, mind if we join you?
: Vile Villain! A waste of good Asgardian meatballs! Frozen food never tastes fresh when thawed. Hast thou never watched the cooking man shows on the jumping picture box?
: Banana peels! Coffee grimes, used toilet paper! Is that correct, Thor? Thor
: Mayhap thou should leave the trash-talking to me. Whatch Thor bring the hurt: zounds, knave, calls't you that a defence?
: [adressing Sif
] By Volstagg's jiggily girth, 'tis good to see you! Prey, what brings thee to Midgard? Reptil
: Better yet, what is Midgard? Silver Surfer
: I believe it is Earth. Or perhaps deoderant.
: 'Tis hammer time. For Odin! For Asgard!
: Thor is a baby, Thor is a baby.
: You con't even have a real weapon. What are you gonna do, build me a tree house with your hammer? Ooh, scary! Thor
: Dost thou make mockery of me? Well, dost? Loki
: Bro, seriously, when art thou gonna to stop talking like that? Ceriously, we're in the 21st century. Thor
: I warn thee, base sibling, take it back!
: [Thor has received a new costume from Odin the All father
] By Balder's sweet popcorn! Thor has need of a full length mirror.
: [being attacked by Stimfallion birds
] Hitchcock was right!
: [to Hercules
] Come, it doth be go-time.
: Take it to the Rainbow-bridge!
: Fare thee well, H.E.R.B.I.E... I shall miss thy girlie laugh. Goodbye, Scarlet Witch, I shall miss fighting over yon television remote with thee. Hasta la vista, Hulk, I'm sure some day thou shall find where thou buried all thy action figures.
[Hulk sobs a little
: And I'll - Oh, there I go...
: ...and I'll miss you most of all, Tin Man. Iron Man
: It's Iron Man. Thor
: Don't spoil my moment. Hulk
] Hulk never see action figures again!
: I say thee nay! Loki
: You're always saying thee nay, naysayer! Thor
: I'm rubber and thou art paste. Whatever thou sayeth, bounces off of me and sticketh to thou with haste, so sayeth Thor. Loki
: Oh, your teeth are brighter than you are. Thor
: Ooh, you take that back you horn-helmeted toad! Loki
: Make me.
: By Odin's mighty mustache. We mustn't harm a hair on Father's poor mind controlled head.
: I loveth when father uses big words.
: So, Iron Man, how come you never called? Thor
[Herbie coos at the messanger droid
] Iron Man
: Oh, yeah, I, I washed my armor and your number was in the pocket.
: Look, Thor, we're receiving another holograph image from Nova. Thor
: How is that possible? Iron Man
: It's in the script.
: Thor, Hercules and Thor will directly after Thanos and the Power Stone. Hercules
: Aye, butts shall be kicked today! Thor
: Hah! The son of Odin shall not fail thee. Iron Man
: She-Hulk, you and I will focus on flirting and rescuing Nova. She-Hulk
: Hm, could be fun.
: By Odin's overflowing lunch-pail, we have made entry. Hulk
: Ugh, air smell like feet in here. Hercules
: That is your feet, gangrene.
: Lo, though Mjolnir is mighty indeed, as a shovel it supremely sucketh eggs.
: Eureka! Thor
: Yes, and you reek of machine oil, what about it?
: The Super Hero Squad? Falcon
: And we weren't even wearing 'Hello, my name is' stickers. Thor
: [rips a sticker from his chest
] And, once again, I did not get the memo.
: By Balder's manly earlobes!
: By Odin's mustache! The earth has been pulled from its orbit, and 'tis colder than a sorceress' flugelhorn in a brass band.
: [to Ms. Marvel
] Maskypoo. Cosmic Shield. Iron Man
: Maskypoo? Thor
: A worthy pet name. She has a mask.
: Beware, dark villain of water sports!
: Ah, yes. It is quite curious. My Wrecking Crew could not lift your weapon, even with their strength enhanced by my gamma boosters. And you of all the Avengers were not affected by my gamma energy. Now tell me, why is that? Thor
: Only those worthy of the thunder may wield Mjolnor, villain. And as for your "energy," mortal science has no fear for an Asgardian.
: [to Hawkeye and Hulk
] The two of you think you can defeat me? I already have calculated a thousand ways to destroy you both. Thor
: [tosses Absorbing Man into him
] Destroy? You do not know the meaning of the word, Leader. The Hulk
: You really want to hurt the Leader? This is how.
: Here's another option - join us. Join the Avengers. Hawkeye
: I don't think so. Look how easy the Leader took you guys out. I'm better off on my own. Thor
: [to Hulk
] And what of you? Will you walk away as well? You are indeed a noble warrior, Hulk - one who has saved the Avengers, and now helped save the world. I would now trust you with my life. Will you trust us? The Hulk
: Uh, I'll stay if Cupid stays. Hawkeye
: You want to go, jade jaws? Right here and now? Let's do this!
[from title reveal trailer
] Tony Stark
: I don't play well with others... Thor
: After all this time, why return now? Steve Rogers
: Here with a mission, sir? Trying to get me back in the world? Bruce Banner
: We're not a team, we're a time bomb. Maria Hill
: They've gone their separate ways... Nick Fury
: They'll come back. Because we'll need them to.
[from preview footage
[Tony tries to lift Mjolnir
] Tony Stark
: If I lift it, do I get to rule Asgard? Thor
: Yes, of course. Tony Stark
: I will be fair, but firmly cruel. Thor
: No, I'm sure.
[from preview footage
[None of the Avengers can lift Mjolnir
] Tony Stark
: It's biometrics, right? Like a security code? "Whoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation. Thor
: Yes, well that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one: You are not worthy.
[an attack occurs
] Worthy? How could you be worthy? You're all killers. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. There's only one path to peace... your extinction.
: [leveling up
] By the power of Asgard!
: Soulless machine! How dare you strike the son of Odin!
: So you have finally arrived in my domain! Good. I have been waiting for you and your friends for quite some time, Thor. Thor
: What do you mean you've been waiting for us? And why do you have Ghost Rider trapped here? Mephisto
: Don't take that tone with me. You may be a god in Asgard, but in this realm I am the ultimate power. Still, your concerns for Ghost Rider are rather touching. But are you so concerned that you would trade places with him? Thor
: How do we know that you will not ensnare us all, Mephisto? You are well known for not following your own bargains. Mephisto
: I follow my bargains to the letter. I cannot help it if others misinterpret what was said. Thor
: You and my brother Loki are very much alike. Deception is in your own blood.
: Tricephalus! Thor
: By the magic decoder ring of the Nibelungen!
: My old friends. I don't know whether to destroy you separately or all at once. So I'm going to do both.
[replicates himself into separate Soul Stone versions
] Dark Surfer
: This is going to make the Big Bang look like a burp! Iron Man
: Come on, Squaddies. You know what to do. Uh, can I say it now? Hulk
, Scarlet Witch
: Say it! Iron Man
: All right, Super Hero Squad, to save the entire universe, it's time to Hero Up!
: [about Iron Man
] I can detect odd waves of cosmic darkness coming from our leader. Thor
: That explains the smell. Mayhap he hath a cosmic stomach ache from thine freaky cosmic food. Silver Surfer
: Sorry, Thor. My empanadas would be better if I had taste buds.
[Thor tries to kiss Valkyrie as she walks off and accidentally kisses Iron Man
: Gad! Iron Man
: Sheesh, I just got the Mordo cooties off my armor, and now I got your thunder spit. Thor
: This never happened.
: By Odin's Rainbow Pony! What dark magic is this?
: We're forming a team to fend off a global threat. So what do you say? Thor
: And this.
: [after knocking Hulk back with his hammer
] Rock giants crumble under the blow of the mighty Mjolnir. I fear this brute won't be as obliging.
: ...and though we are but peaceful protesters, do not assume that we cannot be provoked. Thor
: [Whale hunter shoots at Thor
: Like that!
[Thor gets his hammer taken from him
: Nay, that is not...
] Beta Ray Bill
: Your weapon is mighty, demon. But now it belongs to Beta Ray Bill!
: I do not fear Mjolnir's power! Beta Ray Bill
: Then fear ME!
: The final battle may consume us all... Beta Ray Bill
: And when that battle comes, brother, I will be at your side.
: [to Nightmare
] We don't make bargains with lowlife like... Iron Man
] Quiet, Wolverine, I'm bargaining. We'll sign you up for the Cheese of the Month Club for an entire year. Thor
[whips out a plate of cheese
: You won't know good until you've savored their Gouda. Or perhaps Emmentaler?
: So what's it gonna be, Thanos? You either drop the Hulk offa the Dream Team permanently... Wolverine
: Or we spend a couple of eons playing Sugar World. Thor
: What, ho, let roll the snicker-doodle dice of your nightmares now! Thanos
: Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatev. You may win today, but some d...
[Nightmare snaps his finger and Thanos disappears
: Bad guy. Always with the talking.
: [about Doctor Strange
] Eh, the doc's usually not so, eh... what's the word? Off his rocker. Thor
: Back onto your rocker, wizard! So speaks Thor.
: No, Falcon, leave magic to the Sorcerer Supreme! Thor
: David Copperfield?
: Oh oh, I smell clone. Thor
: Aha, you like it? Aah, manly! It's called 'Ragnarok's spiff'. Iron Man
: Not cologne, clone. As in cheap copies of the original. Thor
: Aye, thou hast busted me royally. 'This a foe fragrance. I got it at Odin-mart.
: I say: speaketh to the hammer! Don't make me break out the hoses. Iron Man
: Hold the hoses there, Goldilocks.
: These readings show M.O.D.O.K. is now more powerful than Doom. Falcon
: That fractal stone has really gone to his head. Get it? You see, it's lodged in his forehead. It's right in the middle there, between the eyebrow and his... Wolverine
: He's nothing but a head. Where else would it get stuck? Thor
: Oh, M.O.D.O.K., lord of the villains? Odin's doughnuts, it can not be. Iron Man
: Yeah, it can. Fortunately, I'm working on the S.A.P.S.S. S.A.P.S.S., the Stark Anti-Power Sucking System. That'll give us some protection. Falcon
: Uh, well, even so, that hyper head is already in the Hulk's class. Hulk
: Ugh, Hulk not in Hulk's class. Hulk
: [pokes his chest
] Ow. Hulk got strong.
[Loki changes Thor's helmet into a dodo bird, Redwing has love in his eyes
: They steal-eth my powers and change-eth mine cool helmet. Falcon
: Hey, nobody plays matchmaker to my bird.
: You come to my lovely Asteroid M, but I don't get a house-warming gift? Thor
: I say thee... NAY! Iron Man
: Good luck magnetizing Thor's god-hammer. Oh, I've demagnetized my armor just for this occasion. Spider-Man
: I took a bath. That's all I did.
: I hope Fury knows what he's doing. I tend not play well with people who've been attacking me and trying to steal all my stuff. Thor
: If we were only children again, I would resolve this by giving Loki what you mortals call a 'wedgie'... But I fear the elevation of undergarments will save us now. Iron Man
: Maybe not, but I'd pay good money to see that.
: Great Danish in the morning!
: Shades of both Milly and Vanilly. Yon beast be a fake!
: Let's vamoose! Thor
: No time for dancing, let's go.
: By Heimdal's hairy hindquarters. I have not seen the like!
: A juice in a box? We have nothing like this in Asgard.
: Spider-Man smash!
[Spidey smashes through the roof of the Googolplex Mall while Linda is outside listening on her headphones oblivious
: Was he makin' fun of me? Thor
: A little, yes.
: I'm going to bloweth mighty chunks.
: Odin wept! Not... wait for it... the Santum Sanctorum!
: [tears apart his android clone
] I have had enough of machines!
: [blasts the Vision
] I see now that you, my first creation, are a failure. Failure will not be tolerated. Vision
: I did not fail, I achieved my objective... Your head is now unlocked from your body. Ultron
: Unacceptable!... Repairing... Thor
[takes off Ultron's head
: Fiend. I say thee goo. Open the hanger, here comes the plane. Dark Surfer
: Ugh. I hate strained peaches. Thor
: You'll eat it and like it.
: 'Tis a veritable rainbow of Smackdown.
: [searching space for the Silver Surver
] Ugh, 'Tis like searching for a silver needle in a haystack. A haystack made of space.
: Mayhap some mishap hath befallen our starchiest of alleys. Scarlet Witch
: Sorry, Goldilocks, that oldey timey talks shoots rights past me.
: That is a very big head. M.O.D.O.C.
: I am M.O.D.O.C. I am the ultimate in human/machine interface. I am designed only for conquest. The Wasp
: Whatever you say freak show. M.O.D.O.C.
: Be silent. Thor
: Like a frost giant's head on an infant's body.
: Never in all of the nine realms have I seen a creature as foul as you. Truly, mortal technology is worse than the darkest magic. M.O.D.O.C.
: You insult me? My mental bolts will tear your mind apart. Even the mind of a so-called immortal is no match for M.O.D.O.C. The Wasp
: Yeah, well, the moon is no match for your head.
: By Volstagg's tiny feet!
: Alas, just a fortnight ago, yon spaceborn sentinel denied me his surfboard as a mirror.
: My mother made this suit. Thor
: Mama's boy.
: [to Ms. Marvel
] We've been terribly rude. I'll bake you some appology cookies.
: By Heimdall's hairy heinquarters, I have not seen the like. Yon toast landed jam-side up.
: 'Tis against the laws of both nature and breakfast.
: An alternate universe and time. Why couldn't I wake up somewhere hip like 1973 England? Fighting crime and listening to David Bowie? Thor
: Eh, David who now?
General Nick Fury
: It's not everyday we save the world. Thor
: Actually, General, I have saved Midgard on several occasions. Did you not hear of my victory over the fire demon Surter? They speak of it still in the Halls of Valhalla.
: The Starkutron 3000. It calculates thousands of variables. Hulk
: Hulk don't understand. Thor
: So say we all.
: Forsooth that's a powerful lot of powerful power!
[Torunn is revived by her father
: Rest, my child. Thee have earned it. Torunn
: Father? Thor
: You have done me proud, Thorunn. In facing your mortality, you have learnt the same lesson that Odin strove to teach me: to learn what it meant to be human. That is why I left you with the Avengers. Because in all the gods of Asgard, none had the humanity that make a true hero. Come home, Torunn. Come home to Asgard. Torunn
: Home... Oh, Father. I can't believe I'm saying this, but my home is with my family on Earth. Thor
: I know, my daughter. But know that the doors to Asgard are always open to you, and when the time comes, you will be welcomed.
: Hear me, Galactus. I am Thor the Thunderer, son of Odin, prince of Asgard. But today, above all things, I am an Avenger, and this world is under my protection!
: Oh, by Odin's smelly sweatsocks!
: Ultron, we would have words with thee! Ultron
: Error: Contradicting data. The entity known as "Thor" was disintegrated. Solution: Resolve contradiction.
Malekith the Accursed
: Greetings, thunderer. Fancy meeting you here. Thor
: Malekith! Tony Stark
: Okay, I'll bite: What's a Malakith? Thor
: Malekith the Accursed! The master of the hounds, a dark elf from the realm of Svartalfheim! Tony Stark
: Yeah, that didn't really clear it up.
: Eh, it's just your hammer, Thor. Thor
: Aye, 'tis. But now Mjolnir has what men call an Easter Egg: I can teleport!
: Good luck, Thor Thor