Professor Severus Snape
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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011)
Professor Severus Snape: [to Dumbledore about Harry] You've kept him alive so that he can die at the proper moment.

Professor Severus Snape: [to the Hogwart's students] If anyone here knows any knowledge of Mr. Potter's movements this evening, I invite them to step forward... now.
Harry Potter: [Stepping out of the crowd] It seems despite your exhaustive defensive strategies
[the doors to the Great Hall suddenly open, as the Order of the Phoenix members walk through]
Harry Potter: , you still have a bit of a security problem, Headmaster.

Professor Severus Snape: For myself and a few select members of staff, this news comes as little surprise. We have for some time now considered Mr. Potter's return to Hogwarts as not merely possible, but inevitable.

Professor Severus Snape: You have preformed extraordinary magic with this wand, my Lord, in the last hours alone.
Lord Voldemort: No, I am extraordinary, but the wand... it resists me.
Professor Severus Snape: There is no wand more powerful, Olivander himself has said. Tonight when the boy comes, it will not fail you I assure you.

Professor Severus Snape: It's come to my attention that earlier this evening Harry Potter was spotted in Hogsmeade. Should anyone attempt to aide Mr. Potter, they will be punished.

Professor Severus Snape: [to Voldemort] There is no wand more powerful. It answers to you, and to you only.

Professor Albus Dumbledore: We both know Lord Voldemort has ordered the Malfoy boy to murder me. But should he fail, I should presume the Dark Lord will turn to you. You must be the one to kill me, Severus. It is the only way. Only then will the Dark Lord trust you completely.
[Flashback of Snape killing Dumbledore]
Professor Albus Dumbledore: There will come a time when Harry Potter must be told something. But you must wait until Voldemort is at his most vulnerable.
Professor Severus Snape: Must be told what?
[Shot of Snape going through the halls of the Potter house]
Professor Albus Dumbledore: On the night Lord Voldemort went to Godric's Hollow to kill Harry, and Lily Potter cast herself between them, the curse rebounded. When that happened, a part of Voldemort's soul lached itself onto the only living thing it could find. Harry himself. There's a reason Harry can speak with snakes. There's a reason he can look into Lord Voldemort's mind. A part of Voldemort lives inside him.
Professor Severus Snape: So when the time comes... the boy must die?
Professor Albus Dumbledore: Yes. Yes... he must die.
[Shot of Snape collapsing at the sight of Lily's dead body]
Professor Severus Snape: You've kept him alive so that he can die at the proper moment. You've been raising him like a pig for slaughter!
Professor Albus Dumbledore: Don't tell me now that you've grown to care for the boy.
[Snape casts a Patronus in the shape of a doe, just like Lily's- the same one that helped Harry find the Sword of Gryffindor in Part 1]
Professor Albus Dumbledore: Lily... after all this time?
[Shot of Snape holding Lily's body in his arms while crying]
Professor Severus Snape: Always.

Professor Albus Dumbledore: [after James and Lilly's deaths] The boy survives.
Professor Severus Snape: He doesn't need protection, the Dark Lord is gone!
Professor Albus Dumbledore: The Dark Lord will return! And when he does, the boy will be in terrible danger! He has her eyes.
[Snape pauses in shock]
Professor Albus Dumbledore: If you truly loved her...
Professor Severus Snape: No one... can know.
Professor Albus Dumbledore: That I shall never reveal the best of you, Severus?

Professor Severus Snape: No! Don't kill me!
Professor Albus Dumbledore: The prophecy did not refer to a women. It spoke of a boy born at the end of July.
Professor Severus Snape: Yes but, he thinks its her son! He intends to hunt them down now, to kill them. Hide her, hide them all. I beg you.
Professor Albus Dumbledore: What will you give me in return, Severus?
Professor Severus Snape: Anything.

Professor Severus Snape: Look at me... you have your mother's eyes.

Professor Albus Dumbledore: After all this time?
Professor Severus Snape: Always.

Professor Severus Snape: [to Harry] You have your mother's eyes.

Professor Severus Snape: [Trying to staunch the bleeding wound on Snape's neck, Harry suddenly notices that Snape is crying light, almost crystal tears. Snape gestures towards his eyes] Take them... take them, please.
Harry Potter: Hermione, give me a flask, anything!
[She reaches into her bag and produces a flask, which Harry uses to collect the memory tears running down Snape's cheek. He clutches the bottle in his hand then again tries to staunch Snape's wound]
Professor Severus Snape: Take them to the Pensieve... and look at me.
[Harry stares at him]
Professor Severus Snape: You have your mother's eyes.
[a confused look crosses Harry's face as Snape takes his last breath]

Professor Severus Snape: [to students] You are surely wondering why I have summoned you at this hour. It has come to my attention earlier this evening, Harry Potter was sighted in Hogsmeade.
[students murmur to each other]
Professor Severus Snape: Now, should anyone, student or staff, tempt to aid Mr. Potter, they will be punished in a manner consistent with severe tea of their transgression further more.
[Professors McGonagall and Slughorn make pitiful looks]
Professor Severus Snape: Any person to have found knowledge of these events who fails to come forward will be treated as... equally guilty. Now then...
[walks down steps to students]
Professor Severus Snape: ... if anyone in here has any knowledge of Mr. Potter's movements this evening...
[walks among students]
Professor Severus Snape: ... I invite them to step forward... now.
Harry Potter: [steps out of the crowd of students and everyone gasps] It seems, despite your exhaustive defenses strategies, you still have a bit of a security problem, Headmaster.
[Great Hall doors open to reveal the Order of the Phoenix members]
Harry Potter: I'm afraid it's quite extensive, how dare you stand where he stood. Tell them how it happened that night! Tell them how you looked him in the eye, a man who trusted you, and killed him! Tell them!
[Snape points his wand at Harry, but Professor McGonagall steps in front of Harry]
Minerva McGonagall: [throws spells at Snape until he flies out of the window, while the crowd cheers]

Young Severus Snape: She's just jealous. That she's ordinary, and you're special.
Young Lily Potter: That's mean, Severus.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Professor Snape: [taps the blank Marauder's Map with his wand] Reveal your secrets.
[writing appears on the map]
Professor Snape: Read it.
Harry: "Messrs. Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, offer their compliments to Professor Snape and... "
Professor Snape: Go on.
Harry: "... and request that he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."

Professor Snape: Well, well, Lupin. Out for a little walk... in the moonlight, are we?

Professor Snape: Expelliarmus! Ah, vengeance is sweet. How I hoped I'd be the one to catch you.
[to Lupin]
Professor Snape: I told Dumbledore you were helping an old friend enter the castle and now here's the proof.
Sirius Black: Brilliant, Snape - once again you've put your keen and penetrating mind to the task and as usual come to the wrong conclusion. Now if you'll excuse us, Remus and I have some unfinished business to attend to.
Professor Snape: [raises his wand at Black] Give me a reason. I beg you.
Professor Lupin: Severus, don't be a fool...
Sirius Black: He can't help it. It's habit by now.
Professor Lupin: Sirius, be quiet!
Sirius Black: Be quiet yourself, Remus!
Professor Snape: Listen to you two, quarrelling like an old married couple.
Sirius Black: Why don't you run along and play with your chemistry set?
Professor Snape: [puts his wand to Black's throat] I could do it, you know... But why deny the Dementors? They're so longing to see you.
[Sirius trembles]
Professor Snape: Do I detect a flicker of fear? Ah, yes. The Dementor's Kiss. One can only imagine what that must be like to endure. It's said to be nearly unbearable to witness, but I'll do my best.

Professor Snape: Which one of you can tell me the difference between an animagus and a werewolf?
[Hermione raises her hand]
Professor Snape: [without turning around] No-one? How disappointing.

Harry: Excuse me, sir. Where's Professor Lupin?
Professor Snape: That's really none of your concern is it, Potter?

Professor Snape: A remarkable feat, don't you think? To enter the castle on ones own, completely undetected?
Dumbledore: Quite.
Professor Snape: Any theories on how he might have managed it?
Dumbledore: Many. Each as unlikely as the next.
Professor Snape: You may recall, prior to the start of term, I expressed concern about the appointment of Professor...
Dumbledore: Not a single person inside this castle would help Sirius Black to enter it. No, I'm quite convinced the castle is safe, and I'm more than willing to send the students back to their houses.
Professor Snape: What about Potter? Should he be warned?
Dumbledore: Perhaps, but for now let him sleep.

Professor Snape: Potter, what are you doing wandering the corridors at night?
Harry: Nothing... I was sleepwalking.
Professor Snape: How extraordinarily like your father you are Potter, he too was exceedingly arrogant, strutting about the castle.
Harry: My Dad didn't strut, and nor do I. Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.

Professor Snape: That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger. Tell me, are you incapable of restraining yourself, or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?
Ron: He's got a point, you know.

Professor Snape: Why you insolent, little...
Professor Lupin: ...Professor.

Professor Snape: Turn to page 394.

Professor Snape: [walks in potions classroom and shuts blinds with wand] Turn to page three-hundred and ninety-four.

Professor Snape: [sneaks up on Harry, who is in the dark with the Marauder's Map] Potter? What are you doing wandering the corridors at night?
Harry: I'm sleepwalking.
Professor Snape: Extraordinarily like your father, you are, Potter. He was exceedingly arrogant, strutting about the castle.
Harry: My dad didn't strut. Nor do I. Now if you don't mind, I would appreciate it if you lowered your wand.
[Snape lowers wand]

Professor Lupin: [as Snape points his wand at Sirius's throat] Severus, don't be a fool...
Sirius Black: He can't help it, it's habit by now.
Professor Lupin: Sirius, be quiet.
Sirius Black: Be quiet yourself, Remus!
Professor Snape: Listen to you two, quarreling like an old married couple...
Sirius Black: [in a mocking voice] Why don't yo run along and play with your chemistry set?
[Snape pushes wand harder on Sirius's throat]
Professor Snape: I could do it, you know. But why deny the Dementors? They're so longing to see you... do I detect a flicker of fear? Ah, yes, the Dementor's Kiss. One can only imagine what that must be like to endure. It's said to be nearly unbearable to witness, but I'll do my best.
[Harry unnoticeably pulls Hermione's wand out of her pocket]
Sirius Black: Severus, please!
Professor Snape: After you.
[gestures Sirius toward door]
Harry: [to Snape] Expelliarmus!
[Snape flies backwards onto a bed, unconscious]
Ron: Harry! What did you just do?
Hermione: You attacked a teacher!
Harry: [to Lupin] Tell me about Peter Pettigrew!
Professor Lupin: He was at school with us! We thought he was our friend!
Harry: No, Pettigrew's dead!
[whirls around at Sirius]
Harry: You killed him!
Professor Lupin: [jumps in front of Sirius] No he didn't! I thought so, too until you mentioned seeing Pettigrew on the map!
Harry: The map was lying, then!
Sirius Black: That map never lies! Pettigrew's alive! And he's right there!
[points at Ron]
Ron: Me? He's mental!
Sirius Black: Not you! Your rat!
Ron: Scabbers has been in my family for...
Sirius Black: Twelve years! Curiously a long life for a rat! He's missing a toe, isn't he?
Ron: So what?

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
Severus Snape: It's over.

Severus Snape: [looking at Draco] I will escort him out.
Draco Malfoy: [glaring at Snape] Certainly - Professor.

Severus Snape: Run along, Wormtail!
[He waves his wand at the door, slamming it and knocking Wormtail back]

Severus Snape: [Snape has just walked in on Harry and Cormac. Harry attempts to run away] Not... so fast, Potter.
Harry Potter: Sorry, sir, but I really should be getting back to the party. My date...
Severus Snape: Can surely survive another minute without you. Besides, I only wish to convey a message.

Severus Snape: [Cormac throws up on Snape's shoes] You've just earned yourself detention for a month, McClaggen.

Narcissa Malfoy: I know I'm not to be here. The Dark Lord himself forbid me to speak of this...
Severus Snape: If the Dark Lord has forbidden it, you are not to speak...
[Snape turns to Bellatrix fooling around with his things]
Severus Snape: Put it down, Bella. We mustn't touch what isn't ours.
[to Narcissa]
Severus Snape: As it so happens, I'm aware of your situation.
Bellatrix Lestrange: You? The Dark Lord told you?
Severus Snape: Your sister doubts me. Over the years I've played my part well, so well I've deceived one of the greatest wizards of all time.
Bellatrix Lestrange: [Snarling] Huh!
Severus Snape: Dumbledore *is* a great wizard. Only a fool would question it.
Narcissa Malfoy: I don't doubt you Severus.
Bellatrix Lestrange: [Walking around] You should be honored Cissy, as should Draco.
Narcissa Malfoy: ...He's just a boy.
Severus Snape: I can't change the Dark Lord's mind. But it might be possible for me to help Draco.
Narcissa Malfoy: [Getting up] Severus...
Bellatrix Lestrange: Swear to it... make the Unbreakable Vow.
[Walking over to Snape]
Bellatrix Lestrange: It's just empty words. He'll give it his best effort, when it maters most. He'll just slither back into his hole... coward.
Severus Snape: [coldly] Take-out-your-wand.
[Cut to Snape and Narcissa clasping hands, as Bellatrix circles them, holding her wand]
Bellatrix Lestrange: Will you, Severus Snape, watch over Draco Malfoy, as he attempts to fulfill the Dark Lord's wishes?
Severus Snape: I will.
Bellatrix Lestrange: And will you, to the best of your ability, protect him from harm?
Severus Snape: I will.
Bellatrix Lestrange: And, if Draco should fail, will you yourself carry out the deed the Dark Lord has ordered Draco to perform?
Severus Snape: I will.

Harry Potter: Incarcerous!
[Snape blocks the curse]
Harry Potter: Fight back!, you coward! Fight back!
[Bellatrix shoots a curse at Harry]
Severus Snape: No! He belongs to the Dark Lord!
Harry Potter: Sectumsempra!
[Snape blocks the curse again, throwing Harry onto his back]
Severus Snape: You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? Yes. I'm the Half Blood Prince.

Severus Snape: Has it ever crossed your brilliant mind that I don't want to do this anymore?
Albus Dumbledore: Whether it has or it hasn't is irrelevant; you gave me your word.

Albus Dumbledore: Severus... please...
Severus Snape: [Pointing his wand at Dumbledore] Avada Kedavra!
[Light shoots out of his wand, killing Dumbledore]

Severus Snape: [from trailer] It's over.

[repeated line]
Severus Snape: I will.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)
Severus Snape: You sent for me, Headmistress?
Dolores Umbridge: Ah, yes. The time has come for answers, whether he wants to give them or not. Have you bought the Veritaserum?
Severus Snape: I'm afraid you have used up all my stores interrogating students, the last of it on Miss Chang. Unless you wish to poison Potter - and I assure you, I would have the greatest sympathy if you did - I cannot help you.

Severus Snape: It appears there is a connection between the Dark Lord's mind and your own. Whether he is, as yet, aware of this connection is for the moment unclear. Pray he remains ignorant.
Harry Potter: You mean if he knows about it then, he'll be able to read my mind.
Severus Snape: Read it, control it, unhinge it. In the past it was often the Dark Lord's pleasure to invade the minds of his victims, creating visions designed to torture them into madness. Only after extracting the last exquisite ounce of agony, only when he had them litterly begging for death would he finally... kill them. Used properly, the power of Occlumency will help shield you from access or influence. In these lessons I will attempt to penetrate your mind. You will attempt to resist. Prepare yourself! Legillimens!

Harry Potter: [to Snape] He's got Padfoot! He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden!
Dolores Umbridge: Padfoot? What is Padfoot? And where what's hidden? What is he talking about Snape?
Severus Snape: [pause] No idea.

Severus Snape: [watches a touching memory between Harry and Sirius] I may vomit.

Dolores Umbridge: [during an inspection] You applied first for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post, is that correct?
Severus Snape: Yes.
Dolores Umbridge: But you were unsuccessful?
Severus Snape: [with annoyance in voice] Obviously.

Severus Snape: You're just like your father. Lazy, arrogant...
Harry Potter: Don't say a word against my father!
Severus Snape: - Weak.
Harry Potter: I'm not weak!
Severus Snape: Then prove it!

Severus Snape: Discipline your mind!

Harry Potter: My father was a great man!
Severus Snape: Your father was a SWINE.

Severus Snape: Legillimens!
Harry Potter: Protego!

Severus Snape: How touchingly paternal, Black. Perhaps Potter will grow up to be a felon, just like his godfather!

Severus Snape: [after Harry looks through his memories, grabs him by the shirt] Your lessons are at an end.
Harry Potter: I didn't...
Severus Snape: [tugs him and enunciates] Get... out!
[Snape lets Harry go making him leave]

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)
[deleted scene]
Professor Severus Snape: For your information Potter, Asphodel and Wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of the Living Death, a Bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for Monkshood and Wolfbane, they are the same plant which also goes by the name of Aconite. Well, why aren't you all copying this down?

Professor Severus Snape: There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few...
[stares at Draco Malfoy]
Professor Severus Snape: Who possess, the predisposition... I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.
[notices Harry scribbling on his paper]
Professor Severus Snape: Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not pay attention!
[steps over to Harry]
Professor Severus Snape: Mister Potter. Our new celebrity.

Professor Severus Snape: What would three young Gryffindors such as yourselves be doing inside... on a day like this?
Hermione: Uh... well... we... we were just...
Professor Severus Snape: You ought to be careful. People will think you're...
[sees Harry staring at him]
Professor Severus Snape: Up to something.

[after catching Harry scribbling on his paper]
Professor Severus Snape: Tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?
[Harry doesn't answer]
Professor Severus Snape: You don't know? Well, let's try again. Where, Mr. Potter, would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?
Harry: I don't know, sir.
Professor Severus Snape: And what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?
Harry: I don't know, sir.
Professor Severus Snape: Pity. Clearly, fame isn't everything, is it, Mr. Potter?

Professor Severus Snape: [notices Harry Potter scribbling in class] Mr. Potter, our new celebrity.
[Ron looks at Harry, who looks confused]
Professor Severus Snape: Tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?
[Hermione raises hand, which Snape ignores and turns his attention to Harry, who shakes his head]
Professor Severus Snape: You don't know? Well, let's try again. Where, Mr. Potter, would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?
[Hermione riases hand again]
Harry: I don't know, sir.
[Ron looks at Harry again]
Professor Severus Snape: And what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?
[Hermione's hand is still raised]
Harry: [looks at Hermione] I don't know, sir.
Professor Severus Snape: Pity. Clearly, fame isn't everything, it it, Mr. Potter?
[Draco Malfoy smirks]

Professor Severus Snape: You don't want me as your enemy, Quirrell.

A Very Potter Sequel (2010) (TV)
Severus Snape: Why that's absurd!
Remus Lupin: You're absurd!
Severus Snape: What! SAY THAT TO MY FACE!
Remus Lupin: YOU'RE ABSURD!
Severus Snape: THAT'S ABSURD!

Severus Snape: It's a BBM from Umbridge "Are you with Dumbledore? Did he get my text?" Now you drag me into this?

Severus Snape: Sirius Blaaack! Oh! Checkmate. Sirius Blaaack!

Albus Dumbledore: Disapparate!
Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Hermione Granger, Albus Dumbledore, Ron Weasley, Dolores Umbridge, Sirius Black: Ahh! Magic!

Severus Snape: Where did the poster of headmaster Zefron go?
Dolores Umbridge: I don't care for Zefron. Taylor Lautner is my man.
Severus Snape: What do you want, you horrid b*itch?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
Severus Snape: [from trailer] We have infiltrated the ministry.

Lord Voldemort: Where will he be taken, the boy?
Severus Snape: To a safe house. Most likely the home of someone in the Order. I've been told he's been given every mannerr of protection possible. Once there, it will be impractical to attack him.

Lord Voldemort: Severus. I was beginning to worry that you had lost your way. Come, we've saved you a seat. You bring news I trust?
Severus Snape: It will happen Saturday next, at nightfall.
Yaxley: I heard differently my Lord. Dawlish, the auror, has let slip that the Potter boy will not be moved until the 30th of this month, the day before he turns 17.
Severus Snape: This is a false trail. The auror office no longer plays any part in the protection of Harry Potter.

Severus Snape: [from trailer] We have infiltrated the Ministry.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Gilderoy Lockhart: Let's have a volunteer pair. Potter, Weasley, how about you?
Professor Snape: Weasley's wand causes devastation with the simplest spells. We'll be sending Potter to the hospital wing in a matchbox.

[after the attack on Mrs. Norris]
Professor Snape: If I might, Headmaster. Perhaps Potter and his friends were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, the circumstances are suspicious. I, for one, don't recall seeing Potter at dinner.
Gilderoy Lockhart: I'm afraid that's my doing, Severus. You see, Harry was helping me answer my fan mail.

Professor Snape: You were seen. By no less than seven Muggles! Do you have any idea how serious this is? You have risked the exposure of our world! Not to mention the damage you inflicted on a Whomping Willow that's been on these grounds since before you were born!
Ron: Honestly, Professor Snape, I think it did more damage to us.
Professor Snape: Silence! I assure you that were you in Slytherin and your fate rested with me, the both of you would be on the train home tonight!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)
Professor Snape: Potter, what's your hurry? Congratulations. Your performance in the Black Lake was inspiring. Gilllyweed, am I correct?
Harry: Yes sir.
Professor Snape: Ingenious. A rather rare herb, Gillyweed. Not something found in your everyday garden. Nor is this.
[holds up a bottle]
Professor Snape: Know what it is?
Harry: [sarcastically] Bubble juice, sir?
Professor Snape: Veritaserum. Three drops of this and You-Know-Who himself would spill his darkest secrets. The use of it on a student is, regrettably, forbidden. However, should you eve steal from my personal stores again, my hand might just slip over your morning pumpkin juice.
Harry: I haven't stolen anything.
Professor Snape: Don't lie to me! Gillyweed may be innocuous, but Boomslang skin? Lacewing flies? You and your little friends are brewing Polyjuice Potion, and believe me; I'm going to find out why!
[shuts the door in Harry's face]

Professor McGonagall: This can't go on Albus. First the dark mark, now this?
Dumbledore: What do you suggest Minerva?
Professor McGonagall: Put an end to it! Don't let Potter compete!
Dumbledore: You heard Barty. The rules are clear.
Professor McGonagall: Well the devil with Barty and his rules! And since when did you accommodate the Ministry?
Professor Snape: Headmaster I too find it difficult to believe this mere coincidence, however, if we are to truly discover the meaning of these events, perhaps we should, for the time being, let them unfold.
Professor McGonagall: Do nothing? Offer him up as bait? Potter is a boy! Not a piece of meat!
Dumbledore: I agree with Severus. Alastor, keep an eye on Harry will you?
Professor Moody: I can do that.
Dumbledore: Don't let him know though, he must be anxious enough as it is, knowing what lies ahead. Then again, we all are.

Igor Karkaroff: [a highly agitated Karkaroff is following Snape around outside the Yule Ball as Snape patrols through the carriages parked on the grounds] It's happening again, like before, and soon neither you nor anyone else will be able to deny it.
Professor Snape: I've told you already Igor, I see no reason to discuss it.
[notices one carriage that is definitely occupied and blasts the door open with his wand, shooing out the students]
Professor Snape: Lumos! Ten points from Hufflepuff, Fawcett, and the same from Ravenclaw, Stebbins.
Igor Karkaroff: It's a sign, Severus, you know it is.
Professor Snape: Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.
Igor Karkaroff: Really? Then perhaps you wouldn't mind rolling up your sleeve them, huh?
[reaches for Snape's left arm, which Snape quickly pulls out of his way]
Igor Karkaroff: You don't fool me, Severus. You are scared. Admit it!
Professor Snape: I have nothing to be scared of, Igor. Can you say the same?

Comic Relief 2003: The Big Hair Do (2003) (TV)
Snape: God, I'm gorgeous!

Professor Minerva McGonagall: Am I Slytherin?
Snape: No dear, I can understand every word you're saying.

"How It Should Have Ended: Harry Potter and the Best Picture Summary (#7.6)" (2012)
Voldemort: God, I hated "Tree of Life"!
Professor Severus Snape: What was that even about?

A Very Potter Musical (2009) (TV)
Lavender Brown: Professor? Can, like, a person be a portkey?
Severus Snape: No that's ABSURD! If that person were to TOUCH themselves
[looks at Ron]
Severus Snape: they would constantly be transported into different places.

Harvey Putter and the Ridiculous Premise (2010)
Superfluous Snake: Mr. Putter. Perhaps you could tell me what you get when you combine two parts calamine, one part essence of pearl, and three parts suntan oil.
Harvey Putter: A private party between you and "Flame-O" over there.
[Points to Flaco Mudfly]
Superfluous Snake: Pity. Don't come crying to me when your smelly sunburned cat comes home with a bad case of poison ivy.