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: I can't believe it, I just don't believe it! We're never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it! Look at thi - look at this, I'm so ticked off that I'm molting!
[Iago is running on a treadmill which powers a mystic device
: With all due respect, Your Rottenness, couldn't we just wait for a real storm? Jafar
: Save your breath, Iago. Faster! Iago
: Yes, O Mighty Evil One!
: [from inside the lamp
] Get your blasted beak out of my face! Iago
: Oh, shut up, you moron! Jafar
: Don't tell me to shut up! Genie
: [taking the lamp off Aladdin
] Allow me. Ten thousand years in a Cave of Wonders ought to chill him out!
[flicks them into the distance
: Jafar, you vile betrayer! Iago
: That's Sultan Vile Betrayer to you!
: [to Jafar
] At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am Queen, I will have the power to get rid of you. Sultan
: Well, now. That's nice. All settled then. Now, Jasmine, getting back to this suitor business. Jasmine? Jasmine!
[the Sultan notices that Jasmine is running out of the room, and runs after her
: [scowls in their direction
] If only I had gotten that lamp! Iago
: [mocking Jasmine
] "I will have the power to get rid of you." Dahhh! To think we gotta keep kissing up to that chump, and his chump daughter, for the rest of our lives. Jafar
: No, Iago. Only until she finds a chump husband. Then she'll have us banished. Or beheaded. Jafar
: Ew. Iago
: Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute! Jafar, what if you were the chump husband? Jafar
: What? Iago
: Okay, okay. You marry the princess, all right? And and, uh, you. Then you become the sultan! Jafar
: Marry the shrew. I become sultan. The idea has merit. Iago
: Yes, merit. Yes! And then, we drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff.
[he dives off Jafar's staff headfirst, then hits the ground
: "Yah. Ker-splat!" Jafar
] I love the way your foul little mind works!
[both laugh evilly
[Iago is disguised as a flamingo. He turns around and finds a real flamingo smiling in his face
: You got a problem, pinky?
[he hits the flamingo with one of his stilts
: Oh, boy. He's cracked. He's gone nuts. Jafar! Jafar, get a grip!
[Jafar grabs Iago by the throat
: Ack! Good grip.
: I can't take it anymore! If I gotta choke down on one more of those moldy, disgusting crackers. Bam! Whack! Jafar
: Calm yourself, Iago. Iago
: And then I'd grab him around the head. Whack, whack! Jafar
: Soon I will be sultan, not that addlepated twit. Iago
: And then I stuff the crackers down his throat. Ha ha.
: [taking Genie's lamp
] Boy, Jafar's gonna be happy to see you. Jafar
: [he switches to Jafar's voice
] Excellent work, Iago. Iago
: Ah, go on. Jafar
] No, really. On a scale of one to ten, you are an eleven. Iago
: Oh, Jafar, you're too kind. I'm embarrassed. I'm blushing.
["Snake" Jafar has Aladdin in a tight squeeze
: You little fool. You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth. Iago
: Squeeze him, Jafar. Squeeze him like a- Awk!
[Genie elbows Iago and knocks him into the air
: Without the Genie, boy, you're nothing. Aladdin
: The Genie... The Genie! The Genie has more power than you'll ever have! Jafar
: What? Aladdin
: He gave you your power. He can take it away. Genie
: [smiling uncomfortably
] Al, what're you doing? Why are you bringing me into this? Aladdin
: Face it, Jafar. You're still just second best! Jafar
: [slightly shocked
] You're right. His power does exceed my own. But not for long.
[when Gazeem tries to steal the lamp from the Cave of Wonders, the latter swallows him whole
: I can't believe it! I just don't believe it! We're never gonna get ahold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it! Look at this. Look at this. I'm so ticked off that I'm molting. Jafar
: Patience, Iago, patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy. Iago
: Oh, there's a big surprise! That's an incredib... I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from that surprise! What are we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big... Mmph!
[Jafar grabs Iago's beak to shut him up
: Yes. Only one may enter. I must find this one, this... diamond in the rough.
: Oh, nice shot, Jaf...
[Abu whacks him over the head, and Iago passes out
: Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you. Iago
: What's coming to you. Awk!
: We gotta get outta here! We gotta get out! I gotta start packing, Your Highness! Only essentials, we gotta travel light. Bring the guns, the weapons, the knives...
[suddenly comes across a photo of himself and Jafar as he is rummaging through his possessions
: And, uh, how about this picture? I don't know, I think I'm making a weird face in it.
: It's this suitor business. Jasmine refuses to choose a husband. I'm at my wits' end. Iago
: Awk! Wits' end! Sultan
[laughs and pulls out a cracker
: Have a cracker, pretty Polly.
[Iago gasps and shakes his head. Sultan stuffs the cracker into Iago's mouth
: [laughs as Iago chokes
] Your Majesty certainly has a way with dumb animals.
[Iago gives Jafar an angry look
[Aladdin has tricked Jafar into wishing to be a more powerful genie than Genie
: The universe is mine to command! To control! Aladdin
: Not so fast, Jafar! Aren't you forgetting something? Jafar
: Huh? Aladdin
: You wanted to be a genie? You got it!
[cufflinks form on Jafar's wrists
: What? Aladdin
: And everything that goes with it.
[Aladdin holds up a black genie lamp, which sucks Jafar in
: No! No! Iago
: I'm getting out of here! Aladdin
: Phenomenal cosmic powers...
[Iago tries to flee, but Jafar grabs him
: Come on, you're the genie. I don't want, I don't...!
[both Jafar and Iago disappear in the lamp
: ...itty bitty living space. Genie
: Al, you little genius, you!
: Ladies and gentlemen, a warm Agrabah welcome for Sorcerer Jafar! Jafar
: Now where were we? Ah, yes abject humiliation!
[He zaps Jasmine and Sultan with his staff, and they both bow to him. Rajah comes running at him
: Down, boy!
[He zaps Rajah, and the tiger turns into a kitten. Rajah meows
: Oh princess
[lifts Jasmine's chin with his staff
: there's someone I'm dying to introduce you to. Aladdin
: [Flying towards him on Carpet
] Jafar! Get your hands off her! Jafar
: [zaps Aladdin, Carpet flies away. Singing
] Prince Ali, yes, it is he, but not as you know him. Read my lips and come to grips with reality. Jafar
: Yes, meet a blast from your past. Whose lies were too good to last! Say hello to your precious Prince Ali!
[zaps Ali back to Aladdin as he says it
] Or should we say Aladdin? Princess Jasmine
: [shocked gasp
] Ali? Aladdin
: Jasmine, I tried to tell you. I just. Jafar
: [still singing
] So Ali turns out to be merely Aladdin. Jafar
: Just a con, need I go on? Take it from me, his personality flaws, give me adequate cause,
[sends Aladdin and Abu in a pillar, Carpet flies in after them
: to send him packing on a one way trip so his prospects take a terminal dip, his assets frozen, the venue chosen, is the ends of the earth. Jafar
: [sends the pillar in the air
: Whoopee! So long! Iago
: Goodbye. See ya. Jafar
] Ex-Prince Ali!
: Abu? Abu! Oh, this is all my fault. I should have freed the Genie when I had the chance. Aladdin
: Abu! Are you okay? Abu the Monkey
] Uh-huh. Aladdin
: I'm sorry, Abu. I made a mess of everything, somehow. I gotta go back and set things right. Yeah! All right! Now, back to Agrabah! Let's go!
: [Jafar opens the door to his lab, making sure first that no one is looking, then sneaks out, though while he's doing this, Jasmine spots him
] Jafar? Jafar
: [Quickly covers the entrance
] Oh... Princess. Iago
: [Casually walks through the doorway, but Jafar slams the door, crushing Iago
] Jafar - I'm stuck...
: The street rat is living in the palace now? Aah! That does it! All reports are in! Life is now officially unfair!
: I've got sand in places I didn't even know I had! Jafar
: [heard from inside his lamp
] Spare me your prattling, Iago. Are we out yet? Iago
: [mimcking Jafar
] 'Are we out yet? Are we out yet?' Yes, we're out!
: [relaxing on a large cushion
] Oh, yeah. Being one of the good guys has his advantages. Ahh, advisor to Aladdin, the new grand vizier. And when Aladdin becomes Sultan, that will make me the grand vizier! Only I'm not gonna blow it like that idiot Jafar!
[he eats a cluster of grapes, then tosses the stem away
: [talking with his mouth full
] I'll never have to stand in his shadow again.
[the lights go out, a spotlight switches on over Iago and Jafar appears out of the darkness
: [startled and spits grapes out
[Jafar steps forwards
: Sultan, I have to tell you something about Iago. Iago
: [tickles Rajah's nose with one of his feathers
: [sneezes Iago out in front of Sultan
] Aladdin 'Al'
: [gulps nervously
] He's here.
: [smearing dirt all over himself
] I'll just get Aladdin on my side with a little sympathy act. And I'll be back in the palace again quicker than you can say "Easy Street."
[Aladdin turns corner to find Iago panting for breath
: Aladdin - kid finally got free - of Jafar.
] Aladdin 'Al'
: Iago! What are you doing here? Iago
: Where are you? Getting dark. Hold me.
[Aladdin fiercely grabs at him
] Hey, I meant gentle-like!
: Reality check. Jafar is large and in charge!
[after Princess Jasmine has said that she is also going to see the world
: [flying around
] Crazy talk! Why do I keep getting hooked up with these warped people?
[the camera pans out from the palace
] Shouldn't somebody ask what the brave parrot wants to do?
: [to Iago
] How could you double cross Aladdin after all he's done for you? Abu the Monkey
: [chatters angrily
: Hey! Do I insult your mother? Abu the Monkey
: [Abu stops and gives Iago a dirty look
: [bellowing at first, then softening down
] You will now release me! So that I may have my revenge. Iago
: [pulling himself loose from the sand, then shaking himself off
] Yeah, yeah, when I'm good and ready. Jafar
: Do as I say, you worthless pipsqueak! Iago
: You know something? You're nothing without me. Jafar
: What? Iago
: Who comes up with all the good ideas? Me! Who does all the work? Me!
: [impersonating Jiminy Cricket from "Pinocchio"
] Just let your conscience be your guide. Iago
: Conscience? Never had one! Never.
: [to Aladdin
] You shall never have my lamp, and there is no one to save you this time! Iago
: [swooping down, shouting
] Hey, Jafar! Shut up!
: Rajah! You know better than to tear around the palace like that! Iago
: [opens up Rajah's mouth
[Aladdin closes Rajah's mouth to hide Iago from Jasmine and Sultan
: Hey! The Sultan of Agrabah
: So, Aladdin why did you bring up that deceitful parrot?
: Come on, princess! Don't waist your tears on him. Princess Jasmine
: You! Get out of here! Iago
: Hey, don't take it out on me. He's the creep. I never should have saved his life. Princess Jasmine
: Saved his life? Iago
: Yeah. He owed me one. That's why he stood up for me. Princess Jasmine
: But he didn't have to lie to me. Iago
: You are so right.
: You're a good guy, Cassim. But not too good.
: Allow me to introduce. Cassim
: The King of Thieves.
[Genie shrieks, then calls on a walkie-talkie
: All units, we have a Code Red.
: Well, they have no where to go. We got them trapped. Iago
: We? They are 40 thieves! We are you, a rug, a monkey and me. Wait, don't count me.
: Meet your match, Zorro! Cassim
: Good birdie. Polly want a little? Iago
: Say "cracker" and I let you have it on principle!
] They're finally getting married! Sultan of Agrabah
] They're finally getting married! Thieves
] They're finally getting married! Iago
] Look at all these presents! Princess Jasmine
] We're finally getting married! Abu the Monkey
] You're finally getting married! Aladdin
] I'm finally getting married!
: Does this code have any rules that don't end in death? Cassim
: It's a strict code.
: [with his tail stuck in the door
] How bad is it? Abu the Monkey
: [chatters and pulls Iago free
: [after his tail gets stuck in the stone doorway in the cave; he is left with his tail bone; sarcastically
] Oh, this is attractive!
: [while the thieves pamper him; miserably
] Oh, I love you guys.
The Magic Oracle
: I am bound by the rule of one: one question, one answer. Iago
: I only want one answer! Where is the ultimate treasure? The Magic Oracle
: You've already asked your question.
: [as the thieves glare at Aladdin for finishing Sa'luk
] I thought our side won!
[after Iago comes back
] Al's... Dad... Sa'luk... Princess Jasmine
: [picks him up
] Just take a deep breath, Iago. Now what about Aladdin's father? Iago
: It's Sa'luk! The guy Al beat! He's not beat; he's back! And he's got Cassim! Aladdin
] That's his problem! He chose to go back to that life. Genie
: Al, I know your dad made a lot of bad choices - but that doesn't mean you have to. Princess Jasmine
: He is your father. How can you do anything else?
[Aladdin turns away and thinks about it
: I'm being as stubborn as he was.
[after a pause
] Show me the way!
: The smoke from the fire stole your hat. Of course. Wake me if anything unusual happens.
: [about Genie
] Why do things always get worse when he shows up?
: [in his sleep
] YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY! YOU WANT MY TWIN BROTHER, OTHELLO!
: Liberation Day! Liberation Day! Iago
: What's Liberation Day? Genie
: It means school's out and no mail.
: There's nothing edible here. This foraging stuff is for the... Genie
: [as a bird
] Birds? Iago
: You are *so* droll.
: Abu! You're okay!
[Hugs Abu, then pushes him off
: And you're lucky, too, you stupid, stupid monkey!
Cruella De Vil
: Oh, Halloween at the House of Mouse, all treats and no tricks. If this were my house, I'd run things differently. Ursula
: Add a splash of evil? Captain Hook
: Pillage and plunger? Captain Hook
: Blah, blah, blah. Every year it's the same thing. All talk and no play. What a bunch of dull villains. Iago
: Well this year will be different.
[Jafar holds a small hourglass
: I've got a trick for Mickey Mouse. But you'll have to wait till midnight.
: Say, isn't it time for your Halloween trick? Jafar
: Patients, Iago, Jafar
: [Jafar gets the hourglass again
] Midnight nears.
: Face it Einstein. You're a has-been. Frajhid
: I may be a has-been, but I'm no Einstein.
: This is a bad idea, Al! The guy's got the reasoning faculties of a boiled cabbage! Aladdin
: Don't worry about it! I got us through the ice palace, and I can handle it!
: Where there's a genie's brain, there's space to rent.
: [to Aladdin
] Get a load of that plumage. Think she missed a color? Thundra
: What was that, little giblet? Iago
: Giblet? Look, sister, I don't care if you're the queen of the Nile. No one calls me giblet!
[Thundra raises her wings and there's a flash of lightning behind her. Iago cringes in terror
: Plain old "Gib", on the other hand, is just fine, really.
[Aladdin finds the Genie and Iago in the clutches of the bad guys
: Don't worry about us, Al. Iago
: Who asked you? Worry, Al. Fret, even!
: You're just in time to witness the destruction of Agrabah! Aladdin
: [to Iago
] I think he needs a girlfriend or something. Iago
: I think he's married to his work.
: Why isn't there an arms-dealer around when you need one?
: You want to trade with this place? Terrific. We'll import all the pestilence and misery we need.
: I dunno about this Greed business anymore. Maybe I should be Envy or Sloth instead.
: Greed almost got me killed. Then poverty almost got me killed. If I'm gonna get it either way, I might as well be rich!
: [calling after Farouk
] And next time, pick on someone your own size! Iago
] If he can *find* anyone his own size.
: [as his Anger personality throws Abis Mal from a great height
] Point that beard at me again and I'll rip your spine out! Aladdin
] Genie's anger! Iago
: So long, I like my spine!
: [leaping on
] Carpet, we're going to the palace. Iago
: [Abu follows
] Count me out. Razoul
: [running by
] You're out.
: For once, the Genie bein' an airhead's a good thing.
: [after Aladdin vanquishes Arbutus
] Jasmine, we did it!
[he notices Jasmine looks upset
: Jasmine? What? Princess Jasmine
: Oh, Aladdin. I know you meant to do the right thing, but Arbutus was not a monster. He was just different. Iago
: Yeah, he was a beast! Aladdin
: Iago! Jasmine, I don't understand. Princess Jasmine
: He loved his garden the way you and Father love me.
: The ancient prophecies have come true! Iago
: Uh-oh. Ancient prophecies never predict anything good.
["Squirt", who had previously been a cute little creature, now transformed into a great hulking beast, picks up a clay pot
: Easy, boy, easy! I was only kidding about all that scaring stuff. Honest! I'm your friend, remember! FRIEND! Genie
: [Iago screams as the creature advances on him... and reveals himself to be Genie in disguise
] Gotcha! Iago
: I hate you.
: If I ever get out of this, I'm gonna kiss that stupid monkey.
: I don't wanna be stone! I wanna kiss the monkey! I wanna live!
[Imagines himself as a statue
: I... I can't let it happen. I won't let it happen.