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: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Gee, it's really great to be here. Right, Bert? Bert
: Ah, I guess so. Ernie
: Oh, what's wrong, Bert? Bert
: Well, I mean, I feel funny being here, this is a big TV variety show, you know? Ernie
: So? Bert
: I'm no performer. Ernie
: Oh, Bert. A suave, sophisticated showman like you, Bert? Bert
: Oh, sure, sure. I know you. You're gonna keep on saying I'm suave and sophisticated, and then when I start to believe it, then you're gonna say how pointy head I have, and how floppy arms I have, and how dull I am, I know you. Ernie
: Bert, you must admit, though, Bert, that the head up there is a little bit pointy, Bert. And you must admit that the arms are a little bit floppy and soggy, Bert. And Bert?
[pulls off Bert's nose
: The nose is still loose Bert. Bert
: Cut that out! Ernie
: Oh, I'm sorry, Bert, here. There you go, Bert.
[puts Bert's nose back on his face
: See what I mean? I mean that old loose-nose joke is funny on Sesame Street, but this is big-time, Ernie. I mean they're expecting an act or something. Ernie
: Hey, Bert, wait a minute. You can do an act. All you need are the clothes Bert. Come over here, Bert! Step right here, Bert!
[Ernie dresses Bert up in a tuxedo
: And here he is now, that suave and sophisticated showman. My old buddy Bert. Well Bert, what do you say? Bert
: Some Enchanted Evening. Ernie
: I beg your pardon, Bert? Bert
: You may see a stranger. Ernie
: What's going on here? Bert
: You may a stranger across a crowded room/And somehow you'll know, you know even then/That somewhere you'll see her again and again/Who can explain it? Who can tell you why?/Fools give you reasons/Wise men never try.
[Connie Stevens emerges and begins dancing with him
: Oh, Connie... Once you have found her never let her go/Once you have found her never let her go.
: Ernie? Ernie, come here... did I just make a complete fool of myself? Ernie
: [patting Bert's shoulder
] Absolutely, Bert. Bert
: Take me home. I feel terrible.
: Whattaya see, Ernie? Ernie
: [points his binoculars at Bert's nose
] Your nose, Bert
: Ernie! Get serious, will ya? We're supposed to be looking for Big Bird. Ernie
: Ernie, I see him! Ernie
: See who, Bert? Bert
: See that yellow spot down there? It's Big Bird! Ernie
: Oh, yeah. That sure looks like a yellow spot, all right.
Hoots the Owl
: Ernie! Ernie my man! Ernie
: Oh, hi there, Hoots. Hoots the Owl
: Oh, dig it. I need your help. Ernie
: Oh sure. What can I do for you? Hoots the Owl
: Well, every time I try to squeak my rubber duckie, I got a funny sound. Watch.
[He squeaks his duck- and plays a few notes on his sax
] Hoots the Owl
: See what I mean? Ernie
: Uh, well listen, Hoots. You've gotta put down the saxaphone if you want to squeak your duckie. Hoots the Owl
: [suddenly realizing
] Heh, heh, heh. Oh boy.
: Rubber Duckie here would like to say something.
[Begins squeaking it and Phil Donahue turns away
] Uncle Wally
: Phil, I think we should hear what the duckie has to say. Bob
: But Uncle Wally, the duck doesn't say anything, he just squeaks. Uncle Wally
: Then I say let the duckie squeak. David
: Hey Phil! Listen Phil! I happen to agree with Uncle Wally, I mean everyone has the right to speak or squeak, whatever, you know what I say? I say let the duckie squeak! Okay? Let the duckie squeak! Just *let* the *duckie* *squeak*!
: Hi, there. We're Ernie and Bert. Doc
: Hi there yourself, I'm Doc. Bert
: Did you know that Doc starts with the letter "D"? Doc
: Yes. Ernie
: Yes! Yes starts with the letter "Y". Doc
: True. Ernie
: And True starts with the letter "T". Doc
] Hey, what is this? Bert
: Where we come from, this is small talk. Doc
: Well, whatever you day, nice to be meeting you, but I'd better go up and build some bunk beds. Ernie
: Bunk beds! Ernie
: B words.
[he and Bert laugh
: Ernie, why must you always humiliate me? Ernie
: C'mon, Bert. Somebody has to play MaMa, and you lost the toss. Bert
: Oh, well, just get it over with.
: Come on Bert, what kind of movie has a sad ending? Bert
: Titanic. Titanic had a sad ending.
[Bert and Ernie are looking at the painting of George Washington crossing the Delaware
: You know what Bert, I bet George Washington caught a cold. He should have stayed home. Bert
: Do you think George Washington would stay in bed and open his Christmas presents? Ernie
: I don't know Bert. Bert
: No, sir, not the father of our country. He crossed the Delaware to New
: Jersey. Ernie
: Bert. Bert
: To New
: Jersey. Ernie
: If George Washington was going to New Jersey, why didn't he do what everybody does? Bert
: And what's that, Ernie? Ernie
: Take the George Washington Bridge, Bert.