Quotes for
Dr. Egon Spengler (Character)
from Ghostbusters (1984)

Ghostbusters (1984)

Dr. Peter Venkman: [as the Ghostbusters approach Gozer] Grab your stick!
[the Ghostbusters draw their handsets]
Dr Ray Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: HOLDIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Heat 'em up!
[they arm their packs]
Dr Ray Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: SMOKIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Make 'em hard!
[they rack their handsets]
Dr Ray Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: READY!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown... THROW IT!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Nimble little minx, in't she?
Dr. Egon Spengler: We're gonna go full stream.
Dr Ray Stantz: Aim for the flattop!
[Ghostbusters shoot at Gozer, but she disappears]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [uncertainly] Wasn't so hard.

Winston Zeddemore: Hey, wait a minute. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Hold it! Now, are we actually gonna go before a federal judge, and tell him that some moldy Babylonian god is going to drop in on Central Park West, and start tearing up the city?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sumerian, not Babylonian.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah. Big difference.
Winston Zeddemore: No offense, guys, but I've gotta get my own lawyer.

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
Mayor: All right, all right! I get the point!

Dr Ray Stantz: You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven't had a successful test of this equipment.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I blame myself.
Dr. Peter Venkman: So do I.
Dr Ray Stantz: Well, no sense in worrying about it now.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.

Dr Ray Stantz: [astounded] Wow! Talk about telekinetic activity, look at this mess!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Ray, look at this.
Dr Ray Stantz: Ectoplasmic residue.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Venkman, get a sample of this.
Dr Ray Stantz: It's the real thing.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Someone blows their nose and you want to keep it?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I'd like to analyze it.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [gets the slime on his hand] Whoa, ah.
Dr. Egon Spengler: This way.
[Venkman tries to wipe the slime off of his hand]

Dr Ray Stantz: I think we'd better split up.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Good idea.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah... we can do more damage that way.

[evaluating a site for their business]
Dr. Peter Venkman: What do you think, Egon?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.
Dr Ray Stantz: Hey. Does this pole still work?
[slides down a fireman's pole]
Dr Ray Stantz: Wow. This place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey. We should stay here. Tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.
[Venkman looks at Spengler. Spengler slowly shakes his head. Venkman turns to the real estate agent]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I think we'll take it.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon... what've you got left?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

Dr. Egon Spengler: There's something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Don't cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr Ray Stantz: Total protonic reversal.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.

[surveying a wrecked apartment building corridor having climbed over thirty flights of stairs with his proton pack]
Dr. Egon Spengler: [casually] Art Deco, very nice.

Janine Melnitz: You're very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Print is dead.
Janine Melnitz: Oh, that's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual but I think it's a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play raquetball. Do you have any hobbies?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I collect spores, molds, and fungus.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Oh good, you're here!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah, what have you got?
Dr. Egon Spengler: This is big, Peter, this is very big. There is definitely something here.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that?
Dr. Egon Spengler: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Venkman, shorten your stream! I don't want my face burned off!

Janine Melnitz: Do you want some coffee, Mr. Tulley?
Louis: [to Egon] Do I?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Yes, have some.
Louis: [to Janine] Yes, have some.

[Egon is running tests on Louis, who has been possessed by Gozer and is now the Keymaster]
Dr. Egon Spengler: Vinz, you said before you were waiting for a sign. What sign are you waiting for?
Louis: Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

[In a TV commercial]
Dr Ray Stantz: Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Have you or your family ever seen a spook, spectre or ghost?
Dr Ray Stantz: If the answer is "yes," then don't wait another minute. Pick up the phone and call the professionals...
Dr Ray Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Dr. Peter Venkman: Ghostbusters.
Dr Ray Stantz: Our courteous and efficient staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs.
Dr Ray Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Dr. Peter Venkman: We're ready to believe you.

Dr. Peter Venkman: All right, this chick is TOAST. Okay; sticks?
Dr Ray Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: HOLDIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Heat 'em up!
Dr Ray Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: SMOKIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman: MAKE 'EM HARD!
Dr Ray Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: READY!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm worried, Ray. It's getting crowded in there and all my data points to something big on the horizon.
Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean, big?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's sample, it would be a Twinkie... thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.

Dr. Peter Venkman: He slimed me.
Dr Ray Stantz: That's great. Actual physical contact. Can you move?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [over walkie-talkie] Ray, Ray, come in please.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I feel so funky.

Janine Melnitz: You are so kind to take care of that man. You know, you're a real humanitarian.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I don't think he's human.

Dr Ray Stantz: Are you okay?
Louis: Who are you guys?
Dr Ray Stantz: We're the Ghostbusters.
Louis: Who does your taxes?
Dr Ray Stantz: You know, Mr. Tully, you are a most fortunate individual.
Louis: I know!
Dr Ray Stantz: You have been a participant in the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the Tunguska blast of 1909!
Louis: Felt great.
Dr. Egon Spengler: We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue.
Louis: Okay.

Dr Ray Stantz: Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse... of Spook Central.
Dr. Peter Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... *four feet* above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws!
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's not the *girl*, Peter, it's the *building*.

Walter Peck: Hold it! I want this man arrested! Captain, these men are in criminal violation of the Environmental Protection Act! And this explosion is a direct result of it!
Dr. Egon Spengler: YOUR MOTHER!

Dr. Peter Venkman: How's the grid holding up?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not good.
Winston Zeddemore: Tell him about the Twinkie.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What about the Twinkie?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the particle flow through the gate.
Dr. Peter Venkman: How?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
Dr Ray Stantz: Cross the streams...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, who paid us in advance, before she became a dog...
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There's definitely a *very slim* chance we'll survive.
[pause while they consider this]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! LET'S DO IT!

Gozer: The Choice is made!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Whoa! Ho! Ho! Whoa-oa!
Gozer: The Traveller has come!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nobody choosed anything!
[turns to Egon]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Did you choose anything?
Dr. Egon Spengler: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Winston] Did YOU?
Winston Zeddemore: My mind is totally blank.
Dr. Peter Venkman: *I* didn't choose anything...
[long pause, Peter, Egon and Winston all look at Ray]
Dr Ray Stantz: I couldn't help it. It just popped in there.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [angrily] What? *What* "just popped in there?"
Dr Ray Stantz: I... I... I tried to think...
Dr. Egon Spengler: LOOK!
[they all look over one side of the roof]
Dr Ray Stantz: No! It CAN'T be!
Dr. Peter Venkman: What is it?
Dr Ray Stantz: It CAN'T be!
Dr. Peter Venkman: What did you DO, Ray?
Winston Zeddemore: Oh, shit!
[they all see a giant cubic white head topped with a sailor hat, Peter looks at Ray]
Dr Ray Stantz: [somberly] It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the polarity flow through the gate.
Dr. Peter Venkman: How?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
Dr Ray Stantz: Cross the streams...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, *who paid us in advance*, before she became a dog...
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There's definitely a *very slim* chance we'll survive.
[pause while they consider this]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited it could work! LET'S DO IT!

[talking about Dana's building, while waiting in jail]
Dr. Egon Spengler: The architect's name was Evo Shandor. I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. He was also a doctor, performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. And then in 1920, he started a secret society...
Dr. Peter Venkman: Let me guess: Gozer worshippers.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Right.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Ray] No studying.
Dr. Egon Spengler: After the First World War, Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive.
[He pauses, glancing nervously around at the holding cell crowd]
Dr. Egon Spengler: And he wasn't alone, he had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof. Bizarre rituals, intended to bring about the *end of the world*, and now it looks like it might actually happen.
[pause. Peter spins around to face another of the inmates, and starts singing]
Dr. Peter Venkman: So be good, for goodness' sake! Whoa, somebody's coming...

Dr Ray Stantz: It's a girl.
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's Gozer.
Winston Zeddemore: I thought Gozer was a man.
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's whatever it wants to be.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, whatever it is, it's gotta get by us.
Dr Ray Stantz: Right!
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Go get her, Ray!

Dr. Egon Spengler: [about the storage facility] Wow, its getting crowded in there and these readings point to something big on the horizon.
Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean big?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Well,
[shows a twinkie]
Dr. Egon Spengler: let's say this twinkie represents all of the psycho kenetic energy in the New York area. According to this morning's sample it will be a twinkie, 35 feet long and weighing approximately 600 pounds.
[Ray coughs, in disbelief]
Winston Zeddemore: That's a big twinkie.
Dr Ray Stantz: We could on the verge of a four fold crossrept. A P.K.E. surge of incredible even dangerous proportions.

Janine Melnitz: [Coming in as Egon was running tests on Louis who is possessed by Vince Clorthow] Egon, I tried to stop them they say they have a warrant.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Excuse me, this is private property.
Walter Peck: [after observing the storage facility] Shut this off, shut these all off.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm warning you. Turning off these machines will be extremely hazardous.
Walter Peck: No, I'm telling "you" what's hazardous, you have about a half dozen of environmental violations, now either you shut off these machines, or we'll shut them off for you.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine, this a high voltage laser containment system. Simply turning them off will be like dropping a bomb on the city.
Walter Peck: Don't patronize me, I'm not protestly stupid, like the people you've helped.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the officer] Excuse me officer, I don't know whay that man is here but I will co-operate with him in any way that I can.
Walter Peck: Forget it, Venkman. You had your chance to co-opperate, but you though it would be more fun to insult me. Now, it's my turn, wiseass.
Dr. Egon Spengler: He wants to shut down the protection grid, Peter.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Walter Peck] You shut that thing down, and "we" are not gonna be held responsible for what ever happens.
Walter Peck: Oh yes you will, I'll make sure you will.
Dr. Peter Venkman: No, we won't be.
Walter Peck: [to the electrician] Shut it off.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the electrician] Don't shut it off. I'm warning ya.
Con Edison Man: I, I never seen anything like this before. I'm not sure...
Walter Peck: [Interrupting] I'm not interested in your opinion, just shut it off.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Gets in electrician's way] My friend, don't be a jerk.
Police Sergeant: [Gets in Peter's way] Step aside.
Walter Peck: If he does that again, you can shoot him.
Police Sergeant: You do 'your" job, pencilneck. Don't tell me how to do mine.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Thank you, officer.
Walter Peck: [aggravatingly shouting] Shut it off!

---

Ghostbusters II (1989)

Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?
Egon: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.

Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
Peter Venkman: 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he?
Ray: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.
Peter Venkman: Ouch.
Winston: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?
Egon: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?
Ray: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."

Egon: Venkman, get a stool sample.
Peter Venkman: Business, or personal?

Louis Tully: Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.
[the courtroom is in bewildered silence]
Egon: Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.

Egon: I'd like to run some gynecological tests on the mother.
Peter Venkman: Who wouldn't?

Ray: You mean you never even had a Slinky?
Egon: We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it.

Ray: You think there's a connection between this Vigo character and the... slime?
Egon: Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?

Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?

Peter Venkman: Doh!
Ray: Re!
Egon: Egon!

Dana: How is he these days?
Egon: Peter? Well, he was borderline for a while... then he crossed the border.

Egon: Let's see what happens when we take away the puppy.

[looking at Oscar's nursery]
Egon: Cozy. My parents didn't believe in toys.

[Egon and Ray are showing Peter and Winston their breakthrough with a slime specimen]
Egon: Go ahead, Ray!
Ray: [shouting at the slime] You! You worthless piece of slime! You ignorant disgusting blob!
[slime twitches]
Egon: You're nothing but an unstable short-chained molecule!
Ray: You foul obnoxious muck!
[bubbles dangerously with every insult]
Egon: You have a weak electrochemical bond!
[starts to bubble over]
Ray: I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake!
Peter Venkman: This is what you do with your spare time?

Egon: [producing a toaster] Ordinary household toaster.
Peter Venkman: We'll take your word for that.

Ray: Two in the box.
Egon: Ready to go.
Peter Venkman: We be fast.
Ray, Egon, Peter Venkman: They be slow.

[piloting the Statue of Liberty]
Egon: We're running out of time, Ray, it's almost midnight. Can't you make her go any faster?
Ray: I'm afraid the vibrations will shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet.
Egon: I don't think they make Nikes in her size, Ray.
Peter Venkman: Hey, she's tough. She's a harbor chick!

[Ray has stepped in front of the painting of Vigo, blocking the Ghostbusters' attack]
Egon: Ray... we'd like to shoot the monster, could you move, please?
Peter Venkman: Ray...
Winston: Ray?
Egon, Peter Venkman, Winston: RAY!
[Ray turns around, he is Ray/Vigo]
Ray: NO! I, Ray, am Vigo, and rule the Earth! Begone, you pitiful half-men!
Peter Venkman: Now!
[they attack]

Egon: [after a ghost train runs through Winston] I think that was the old New York Central "City of Albany"! Derailed in 1920! Killed hundreds of people! Did you catch the number on the locomotive?
Winston: Sorry. I missed it.

Janosz: [on waking after being freed from his possession, singing] They will come from behind... Ah, ah... why am I drippings with goo?
Egon: You had a violent prolonged transformative psychic episode.

[the Ghostbusters have been committed to a mental hospital]
Ray: As I explained before, we think the spirit of a 17th century Moldavian tyrant is alive and well in a painting at the Manhattan Museum of Art.
Psychiatrist: Uh-huh, and are there any other paintings in the museum with bad spirits in them?
Egon: You're wasting valuable time. He's drawing strength from a psychomagnotheric slime flow that's been collecting under the city.
Psychiatrist: Yes, tell me about the slime.
Winston: It's very potent stuff. We made a toaster dance with it.
[motions to Peter]
Winston: And a bathtub tried to eat his friend's baby.
Psychiatrist: A bathtub?
Peter Venkman: [with his head buried in his arms in despair] Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts.

Egon: [talking about the mood slime after the yelling at it] We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive response
Ray: We sing to it, talk to it, say caring supportive things to it.
Peter Venkman: You're not *sleeping * with it, are you Ray?
[Ray shakes his head; Egon looks embarrassed]
Peter Venkman: [noticing Egon, teasingly] You hound.
Winston: It's always the quiet ones.
[shakes head in disbelief]

Peter Venkman: [to Egon] Who told you to stop cutting? Somebody tell you to stop cutting?
First Cop: What are you guys doing here?
Peter Venkman: [to First Cop] You tell him to stop cutting?
First Cop: Yes, I told him to stop cutting. What are you doing?
Peter Venkman: What's it look like we're doing here? Why don't you let us work? We let you work.
Ray: [to Peter] Hey, take it easy.
[to First Cop]
Ray: He's been working overtime. I'll tell you why we're here. We're here because some diaper bag downtown's being a jerk and making us work on a Friday night. Am I right, Peter?
Peter Venkman: Of course you're right, Raymond.
[to Egon]
Peter Venkman: Is he right, Ziggy?
Egon: [pause] Yo!

[viewing the River of Slime]
Egon: You know how much negative energy would be necessary to generate a flow this size?
Winston: New York - what a town, huh?

Judge Wexler: [two ghosts in electrics chairs are attacking the court room] The Scolari brothers!
Ray: Friends of yours?
Judge Wexler: I tried them for murder, gave 'em the chair! You've got to do something!
Egon: Why don't you just tell them you don't believe in ghosts?

Ray: So what do you think? Chinese?
Egon: [sighs] How 'bout Thai?
Ray: No, too spicy. Greek?
Egon: Uhh... Mexican?
Ray: Pizza.
Egon: Thin or thick?
Ray: Chicago.

Egon: [Looking at Pictures of Vigo that Peter took earlier] You're right, Ray. Multiplatform anomination.
Ray: [getting another picture] Yeah, well here is the next months' front cover of GQ, check out the aura on this sucker. Now there is definitely a living presence there.
Egon: We should get a deeper look.
Ray: I 'll run this one through the Spectrogram
[Puts a picture into the spectrogram, now talks about dinner]
Ray: So, what do you think, Chinese?
Egon: Uh, how about Italian.
Ray: Nah, too spicy. Greek?
Egon: Uh, Mexican?
Ray: Pizza?
Egon: Thin or thick?
Ray: Chicago.
Egon: [Takes out a picture of Vigo] What the hell is that?
[picks up his giant maginfying glass]
Ray: I know what it is.
[Unbeknownst to Ray and Egon, the door is suddenly locked]
Ray: I've seen this before.
Egon: Where?
Ray: Remember you got me dangling like a worm on a hook 100 feet below firsr avenue.
[Shows the slime on the picture]
Ray: That's the river of slime.

Ray: [after getting off of the phone with Peter] Spangler. A major slime related pshycho kenetic event.
Egon: What happened?
Ray: Something came out of Dana's bathtub, tried to grab her and the baby.
Egon: Are they alright?
Ray: Yeah, she got out of there and went over to Venkman's.
Egon: This is interesting Ray. Remember that Vigo character Peter mentioned? Look what came up
[Goes to his computer and types up Vigo's profile]
Ray: Nice ugly history. Do you think there's a connection to this Vigo character and the...
[Looks at the slime which is still bubbling]
Ray: slime?
Egon: Is the atomic weight of colbalt 58.9?

Egon: I think that was the New York Central City Albany! Derailed in 1920 and killed hundreds of people, did you catch the number on the locomotive?
Winston: Sorry, I missed it.
Egon: Something's trying to stop us, we must be close.

Peter Venkman: [as the Mayor walks in]
[Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters]
Peter Venkman: Lenny. Big man.
The Mayor: The Ghostbusters.
Winston: Mr. Mayor?
[Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]
The Mayor: What is this? A slumber party?
Ray: Well, that's why we wanted to see you.
The Mayor: Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got 2 minutes. Make it good.
Ray: [Getting started] Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that 50% of us voted for you in the last election.
The Mayor: I appreciate that.
Peter Venkman: I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.
Ray: Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proprtions is building up beneath the city.
The Mayor: Psycho-what?
Egon: Psychomagnatheric.
Peter Venkman: Big word, big word.
Egon: Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.
The Mayor: Can somebody speak english here?
Winston: Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.
Hardemeyer: [to the Mayor]
[Aggrivated]
Hardemeyer: This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?
Peter Venkman: [to Hardemeyer] Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes?
[to the Mayor]
Peter Venkman: Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.
Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Please?
Peter Venkman: I beg your prdon, 3 million and *one*.
Hardemeyer: Hey.
Ray: And what *fuggy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.
Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Yeah right.
The Mayor: What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be *nice* to each other?
[Begins to walk off]
The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your 2 minutes are up, good night gentlemen.

---

Ghostbusters (2009)

Dr. Egon Spengler: All my data indicated the ghost world is beginning to push through multiple cross-portals from their dimension into ours.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, more overtime.

Dr. Egon Spengler: [after The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man falls off the building and explodes into goo that falls onto the street] Ray! Peter! We're in position! The trap is set! We're prepared to capture Stay Puft... Where is he?
Dr. Peter Venkman: He's that white puddle you're driving through.

Dr. Egon Spengler: New people die everyday.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: We eat gods for breakfast?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Too much you think?

Ivo Shandor: I am a God!
Dr. Egon Spengler: We eat Gods for breakfast!

Dr. Egon Spengler: Hmmm, these readings are off the charts. Now I'll have to go make new charts...

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [excitedly] How was it? Was it cool? How did it look like? Did you get any samples? Did it have multiple eyes?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Shut up.

Janine Melnitz: Our boss called and he...
Dr. Egon Spengler: [Interrupting] Not our boss, just Peck, please.
Janine Melnitz: Peck called and he said if you fire off another unauthorized stream, he's gonna shut you down.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Ray, follow me; the others are floating back upstairs. Venkman; pull our friend Slimer into a trap as fast as you can. There's a massive bulge in these spikes indicating this isn't just some routine clearing job.
Dr. Peter Venkman: He gets so bossy when he hasn't had his nap.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Mr. Sandman, Dream Me a Dream (#1.7)" (1986)

Winston Zeddemore (I): [while chasing the Sandman, Peter gets hit with sleep dust in a nearby room] Was that a thud?
Egon Spengler: That was a thud.

Peter Venkman: So nice of you to finally join us for breakfast, Dr. Venkman.
[Peter shuffles over to the table and mumbles something]
Winston Zeddemore (I): What'd he say?
Egon Spengler: I think he said coffee, possibly cookie.

Albert Einstein: [in Egon's dream] E = MC... E = MC...
Egon Spengler: [wakes up] E=MC2, E=MC2, I've got it! E=MC...
[sees everybody looking at him]
Egon Spengler: never mind... it would take too long to explain.

[Egon wakes up from his dream]
Egon Spengler: That's it! E=MC2. E=...
[the street crowd watches Egon]
Egon Spengler: Never mind, just never mind.

Egon Spengler: [translating Peter's grunts after he has just woken up] "Get out of my face or eat flaming terror."

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Knock, Knock (#2.40)" (1987)

Winston Zeddemore: Just because you had a bad day is no reason to take it out on Slimer.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I don't care! I don't like him! I've never liked him!
Dr. Egon Spengler: That could be part of the problem. Maybe he eats because he wants to feel accepted. Remember, he's a ghost living with four people whose job it is to bust ghosts. How would you feel?

Winston Zeddemore: Can you read Sumerian?
Dr. Egon Spengler: With my eyes closed. Under water and with the lights off. *Yes* I can read Sumerian.

Egon Spengler: [referring to the writing on a stone tablet] It's Sumerian.
Winston Zeddemore (I): Can you read Sumerian?
Egon Spengler: In my sleep. Underwater with the lights off. Of course I can read Sumerian.

[the Ghostbusters discover that they must be trapped in the Doomsday Door without a chance of escape in order to close it and save the world]
Peter Venkman (I): [yelling over wind] Egon, you kidder! I'll bet you knew this all along and just didn't tell us! Am I right?
Egon Spengler: [yelling] It's our only chance! But I figured if I told you the whole story, you wouldn't want to do it!
Peter Venkman (I): That's a terrible thing to say, Egon! You're right, of course, but it's still a terible thing to say!

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Mrs. Roger's Neighborhood (#1.3)" (1986)

Peter Venkman: [hears a voice say 'Watt'] What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [entering the room] What?
Peter Venkman: Did you say 'what'?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Peter, I'm trying to work here.
Winston Zeddemore: [enters the room] Say what?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I didn't say 'what'.
Peter Venkman: Then who did?
Winston Zeddemore: Did what?
Peter Venkman: Say 'what'?

Peter Venkman: [They open fire in a closet where they get high PKE readings] Whoa! Hold it! Cease fire! There's nothing in here but Mrs. Roger's dress.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: You mean Mrs. Roger's dress is Watt?
Dr. Egon Spengler: No, Ray, Mrs. Rogers *is* Watt.

Ray: Mrs. Rogers' dress is Wat?
Egon: No, Ray. Mrs. Rogers is Wat.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: When Halloween Was Forever (#1.8)" (1986)

Egon Spengler: I have an idea, but it will take some time. You three try a frontal assault. That ought to distract him.
Peter: [to Ray and Winston] I don't know, giving us the easy stuff... do you think that is fair?

Egon Spengler: Sometimes I think the universe just waits for me to get cocky.

Egon Spengler: [Slimer goes crying to Egon] Looking for a lollypop?
[Slimer nods, gestures to Peter]
Egon Spengler: Try his sock.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: The Boogieman Cometh (#1.6)" (1986)

[after the Ghostbusters confronted the Bogeyman for the first time]
Kenny Carter: Now do you believe me?
Peter Venkman: Oh, yeah, kid. Oh, yeah.
Dr. Egon Spengler: We've gotta go after it!
Winston Zeddemore: No we don't. Show me where it says that.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Why didn't they believe us?
Peter Venkman: Egon, we told 'em there was a monster in their kids' closet. We're just lucky they didn't have us arrested.
Dr. Egon Spengler: We've gotta go back there and find it again!
Winston Zeddemore: Wrong! What we've gotta do is some serious thinkin' about how to catch this thing.

[after confronting the Bogeyman]
Egon Spengler: We've gotta go after it.
Winston Zeddemore (I): No, we don't. Show me where it says that.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Venkman's Ghost Repellers (#2.27)" (1987)

Janine Melnitz: I think it's sweet, it'll make it more of a family business.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sweet enough to get us all arrested, that's fraud, Peter.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I know! His whole life he's made a living off selling things that don't exist!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, you idiot!
Dr. Egon Spengler: No, this is right, trust me.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: We're all gonna die!

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Night Game (#2.7)" (1987)

Additional Voices: It was a test. Would you cheat for your friend, or would you trust in fair play and let good win on its own terms? Perhaps one day we'll meet again.
[vanishes mysteriously]
Egon Spengler: You know, I wish I'd been able to study that umpire a little more closely, gotten a few more readings.
Peter: [looking at Winston] We've saved our buddy here. Isn't that enough?
Winston Zeddemore (I): [confused] What?
Ray Stantz: We knew all along that it was your soul being played for, Winston.
Winston Zeddemore (I): Oh no, you got it wrong. It was your soul we were playing for, Peter. That's why they let me play.
Peter: You mean I almost...! Then if I'd cheated it would have been my...! That's it! From now on I only go to Mets games!

Umpire: It was a test. You had to choose. Would you cheat for your friend or trust in far play and let good win on its own terms. Perhaps one day we'll meet again.
[vanishes mysteriously]
Egon Spengler: You know, I wish I had been able to study that umpire a little more closely, gotten a few more readings.
Peter Venkman (I): [looking at Winston] We've saved our buddy here, isn't that enough?
Winston Zeddemore (I): [confused] What?
Ray Stantz: We knew all along that it was your soul being played for, Winston
Winston Zeddemore (I): Oh no, you got it wrong. It was your soul we were playing for, Peter. That's why they let me play.
Peter Venkman (I): You mean I almost... Then if I'd cheated it would have been my... That's it, from now on I only go to Mets games!

---

"Extreme Ghostbusters: Home Is Where the Horror Is (#1.8)" (1997)

Egon: [from transmitter] Egon here. Can anyone here me? Did you find the boys?
Eduardo: Yeah, they're okay but the house got Garrett and Kylie and Roland are dead!
Egon: What?
Kylie: [Kylie and Roland get up from the rubble] We're not dead. Roland and I are fine, Egon.
Egon: [from transmitter] And Garrett?
Eduardo: [they look towards the house, which growls] Definitely dead.

Egon: [through the intercom] Egon here, can anyone hear me? Did you find the boys?
Eduardo: [picking it up] Yeah, they're okay! But the house got Garrett, and Kylie and Roland are dead!
Egon: *What*?
Kylie: [crawling out of the debris] We're not dead! Roland and I are fine, Egon.
Egon: And, Garrett?
Eduardo: [looks at the possessed house that Garrett is in] Definitely dead.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: The Spirit of Aunt Lois (#2.41)" (1987)

Janine Melnitz: [Peter's aiming his particle thrower at Slimer, who has taken cover behind Janine] Dr. Venkman, don't you dare! There's nothing in my job description about target practice!
Dr. Egon Spengler: [coming in] Peter, stop! This is irrational!
Dr. Peter Venkman: No, Egon, finding the refrigerator empty is irrational. Slime in my shoes is irrational. This will be fun.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Hi Aunt Lois!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Hi, Ray's Aunt Lois.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Citizen Ghost (#1.11)" (1986)

Egon Spengler: [checking the equipment. Egon notices Peter's not paying attention] Transwarp drive?
Peter: [yawning] Check.
Egon Spengler: Ha! Caught you. We don't have transwarp drive.
Peter: If we don't have it, it's not broken. If it's not broken it doesn't need to be fixed. If it doesn't need to be fixed it's a "check." So "Check"
Egon Spengler: [fuming] I'm not speaking to you for a week.

Egon Spengler: I'm not speaking to you for a week. It's not good for me.
Peter Venkman: Hey, don't make fun. This is how I got through college.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Cold Cash and Hot Water (#2.19)" (1987)

[rushing to Madison Square Gardens to stop Charlie from releasing the demon, Egon and Peter are caught in a fleeing crowd]
Dr. Egon Spengler: Something tells me we're too late.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What gave you that idea?

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Last Train to Oblivion (#2.52)" (1987)

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [covered in passengers' clothes] What do we do now?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I'd uh, let out the sleeves.

---

The Earth Day Special (1990) (TV)

Nathan Thurm: I'm not defensive. You're the one who should be defensive, you're the one who thinks that hairdo works with that overly long face of yours.
Elong Spengler: What does my haircut have to do with anything?
Nathan Thurm: I don't know, you're the one who brought it up.
Elong Spengler: No I didn't.
Nathan Thurm: Yes you did.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Ragnarok and Roll (#2.3)" (1987)

Cindy: When we broke up, Jeremy took it pretty hard. He went a little... well...
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nuts? Bonkers? Monkeys? Loopy? Loony? Crackers?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I think we get the idea. Go ahead, pay no attention to him. We never do.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Ghosts R Us (#1.1)" (1986)

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [Egon's flying a helicopter] So Egon, ever get around to taking those flying lessons?
Dr. Egon Spengler: No.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: The Thing in Mrs. Faversham's Attic (#2.38)" (1987)

Egon Spengler: Maybe the noise was physical in origin. Squirrels on the roof perhaps.
[a huge pounding sound starts to shake the whole house]
Peter Venkman: Squirrels, Egon?
Egon Spengler: Okay, FAT squirrels, playing basketball. Satisfied?

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: The Cabinet of Calamari (#2.13)" (1987)

Winston Zeddemore (I): With Calimari gone, no one else can bring her out of her trance.
Egon Spengler: We've tried hypnosis, past life regression, ouiji boards, give-way music. What's left?
Peter Venkman (I): The obvious last resort. Haven't you seen Sleeping Beauty?
[he kisses her cheek]
Girl: [comes out of trance] Thank you. Calamari said the only other way someone could bring me out was if I kissed a toad. How did you ever find a toad in New York?

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: The Devil to Pay (#2.49)" (1987)

Peter Venkman (I): Egon, remember what I said. If you're gonna stay on this planet, you have to speak our language.
[the Ghostbusters are on the demon Dib Deblin's game show]
Winston Zeddemore (I): I sold my soul to the devil. I sold my soul to the devil.
Egon Spengler: Actually, Winston, Dib Devlin is only a minor demon.
Winston Zeddemore (I): I sold my soul to a minor demon. I sold my soul to a minor demon.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: The Collect Call of Cthulhu (#2.32)" (1987)

Egon Spengler: Cthulhu makes Gozer look like Little Mary Sunshine.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Egon's Dragon (#2.15)" (1987)

Egon Spengler: Do you talk about the loons and the scoundrels in your family tree?
Peter Venkman (I): If I didn't, I wouldn't have anybody to talk about.

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: X-Mas Marks the Spot (#1.13)" (1986)

Janine Melnitz: I want you to know I'm only doing this because of you, and not for C... C... C...
Dr. Egon Spengler: Christmas.
Janine Melnitz: Bah humbug!
Slimer: Yah! Humbug!

---

"The Real Ghost Busters: Drool, the Dog Faced Goblin (#2.34)" (1987)

Egon Spengler: [drinking what he thinks is coffee] You call this coffee? It tastes like mud!
Egon Spengler: [pours the contents of the mug onto the saucer] Oh, sorry, it IS mud.

---